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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Uniquely You!

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do? I remember all the way back to Jr. High feeling like I didn’t really like who I was. I’d compare myself to those around me and try to figure out who people liked most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I want to to talk a little more today about something I shared in my devotion, “The Real Me” featured at Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life, and all of my relationships, for the better. I hope I can encourage you today with somethings I’ve learned.

First of all, comparison can be my worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up well one day when we were talking about it. She said, “When we compare ourselves with someone else, we can never measure up because we compare our insides with their outsides.”

She’s right. I usually compare how I feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside. Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. Seriously, He wants us to encourage each others’ strengths and then be who He created us to be.

Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

The truth is: You are uniquely you because God has a unique purpose for your life. God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s writing in your life. You are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)

There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind! In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. Most of us are a blend of two. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desire PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. If you don’t have a blog, click on anonymous, then leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of “Shaped with Purpose : A Practical Guide for Discovering Who You Are” Workbook and CD.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email in your comment, and I’d love to know your age and where you’re from.

Comments

  1. I can't believe how many of us are out there-women in their 40's (I'm 45yrs) and are not sure of God's purpose for our lives. I so want to know mine. And I find it challenging to search for it while making dinner, looking over homework and other day-to-day activities. But I know that He has a purpose for me and I need to commit time to discovering it and all the wonderful gifts He's given me. I pray for all of us who are searching. Thank you for your devotion today!

    Erin in Geneva, IL
    [email protected]

  2. Being teased as a child has made me into a very self conscious adult. It is hard to love and believe in yourself when others break you down. Striving for perfection and approval from others is an exhauting and self-defeating task! However, knowing that God made me wonderfully complex gives me comfort and I pray that He will help me to be more accepting of my uniqueness. My email address is: [email protected]

  3. Sweet Renee, what a joy to read your blog today! I used a similar idea to teach atheist kids from the USSR why they need God to be moral people. I asked them to tell me how long a pen was. After telling them, "No, I don't want to use centimeters or inches as my measurement" someone finally said "It is one unit long!" I responded "Great, now how long is this pen?" Showing them a pen of a different length, I tried to get them to see the uselessness of trying to compare the two pens when each was exactly one unit in length. Telling them that you have to measure something by something else outside the thing being measured, I was able to bridge into talking about how you can't measure human behavior by human behavior. You need something outside humans. That, of course, only works if there is a standard above human behavior. Once they had agreed to that, they could then see the need for God to be moral!

    Be blessed, dear sister!

    Suzi

    PS, I'm 56 and I guess I'm somewhere between a phlegmatic and a melancholy.

  4. This really hit home with me; especially since my husband and I have been out of work for over a year. What is God doing? is my constant question. I always described myself as a chameleon–whatever you want me to be, I will try to be that. This is not glorifying God and not helping me! I will dig deeper to find out who it is that God created! ME! [email protected]

  6. What a great post! I really like the quote about comparing our inside with someone else's outside. How true!
    I'm 36 from Charlotte, NC.

  7. Thank you so much for your devotions and post. I'm a recovering perfectionist, so I spent most of my life comparing myself to others. I'm finally starting to figure out what gifts/abilities God has given me (at age 44y.o). I was jealous of my husband who can witness and give the gospel message so effortlessly, and has brought many to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. I just recently realized that God would rather that I mentor people in their walk with Christ, and help them to grow. We each fill a very important and unique place in God's plan. Mentoring does not come easy to my husband, while for me it seems effortless.

    After that realization, I'm really trying to focus on what God's desires are for me. He has removed all responsibilities from me right now, and I'm learning what it means to "Be still and know that I AM God." Psalm 46:10.

    These last few days of P31 devotions have really been ministering to me, because there are days where I stumble and just want to give up.

    Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable so the rest of us can grow.

    Love to all the girls @ P31.
    Linda

  8. Wow, yesterday I was wondering what I should do. I honestly feel as no one likes me. I know, that sounds so jr. high, but it is how I am feeling. I am a horribly lost 50 year old christian woman with no direction in my life at all. My husband and I recently moved to a town 1800 miles from my home, my family, my life. I miss my son, my grandaughter, mysister, my parents and on and on. I do visit, but when I do I almost feel out of place there too. I know God has a plan and purpose for my life, but I have no idea whatsoever what it could be.
    My husband and I are both disabled with many medical problems and as for me, that has defined me all of my adult life. But that's not who I am. I'm not just a transplant patient, I am … hummm… I don't know who!

    As I read the perosnality traits in the devotion this morning, I honestly didn't know which one, or two, or three, or even all four I fit into.

    It is time for me to find out who God made me to be. I am so looking forward to this journey of self discovery, just the possibility has given me a hope I didn't have before I read your devotion this morning. Thank you!
    [email protected]

  9. Oh how well I can relate. I am from Memphis, TN at 39 years old and have become lost in trying to take care of everyone and everything in my life. I am almost drowning in the whirlpool of chaos of husband and parents.

    I truly need a copy of the book to help me discover the real me that I have been looking for since jr. high school too.

    Thank you for listening to my rambling.

    [email protected]

  10. As I was reading your devotional, it was almost as if I was reading it. I grew up in a home that was enmeshed, to use a technical counseling term. Basically, you weren't allowed freedom to be your own self and do your own things. So, growing up I was very confused as to who I was, who I wanted to be, what make me uniquely me, and why anyone would ever want to love me. I have learned a lot about this, partly through living and interacting with people, and partly through taking almost every personality test I have come across. My husband was also instrumental in this. Without sounding too sacrilegious, God would be the savior of my soul and my husband the savior of my heart. I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to both of them.
    I'm still trying to figure some of this out, especially since I am pregnant with my first and wondering how this will change everything, but I not longer feel as lost or confused about my purpose and who I am.
    Thank you for sharing!
    Sarah
    Age 29
    [email protected]

  11. Today's devotion was exactly what I needed to hear! It is what I've been dealing with for years! I am almost 48 and never went to college because of financial reasons and also because I didn't know what I wanted to do! This lack of college degree has always limited what job levels I've been able to land. I've tried many career paths, none of them were very successful. When I had children (in my 30's) everything was focused on them, my ideas were pushed aside. I love doing for others and never try to do what I really want for me. I know that God has much more in store for my life! I've prayed for years that He would open the doors so I could see the rich, fulfilling life He has in store for me. I'm going to buy the books referenced in the devotion and open my eyes and heart to His voice!

  12. I am 41 years old and still discovering each day different things about myself. I can only do this through allowing God to speak to me. It has taken me so long to allow Him to do this. However, I still feel like I have a long way to go and I am very interested in reading some of the books that you spoke of. Thank you for this devotion that opened my eyes and others eyes to the fact that we need to learn just who it is that God created us to be and stop comparing ourselves to others and changing to fit in.

    email address: [email protected]

  13. Very well said Renee! I think as women we do get caught up in competing with one another rather than lifing each other up. It's important to know who we are in Christ and listen for his calling on our life.
    Blessings to you!

    Angie

  14. This is the unlock of the locks which the devil has put in different people's ways. But as the Bible says that ' I will go before you and brake the chains of bronze and show you the hidden treasures…' I believe the Lord is using you to bring a restoration in our lives. Am a new member who just found this site today and am blessed. Please I still need more of these and even other brethren feel free to help me with much more.
    Am Dan Ochola from Kenya.
    [email protected]

  16. Thank you so much for posting this devotion. This put into words what I have been struggling with, and I too thought I was the only one. I am 40, work outside the home and have a 10 year old son and wonderful husband. Blessings to you from Oregon.

    Debra
    busymommy98atyahoo.com

  17. I have been dealing with this for a while. About a year ago our pastor did a sermon on dreams – which hit home. I have been working toward determining them, and handing them over to God. But, I never looked back at myself…to see how God created me. I now have a new perspective, and – quite frankly- am now overwhelmed by more work that I need to do.
    It never stops, I do need to always seek, always work and always strive to be what God wants me to be.

  19. I am actually going through Temperament counseling with the NCCA. They have a fifth temperament that fits me. Supine. Ü But I would be between a malancholy and phlegmatic….Good thoughts for the day. It also helps to know who your spouse and children are. You can then attend to their needs as well….

    Shannon

  21. Thank you so much! I am a 36 year old married mom of three…I am a wife to a man in the military…I struggle so much with my identity…I am his wife, their mom, the dog's owner, a district empolyee…i have all these hats but yet find little joy…even in knowing what colors i like anymore..my mother said i liked red, so i like red – even though i really like blue. my husband tells me i will enjoy running. i hate it. my children tell me – well they are teenagers they tell me alot…and of course there is little recognition in being a Navy wife…i sit in the background, noone knows who i am, but he wears a uniform, gets saluted, wears medals…Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly proud of my family, I try and make sure eveyone is emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy…but as of late…i wonder who am i? what do i like? its as though everything has lost its flavor..Now it would be nice to have medals and a uniform identifying me and my worth, but i know that is just what is on the outside, i want more, i want to be the woman God has created and desires me to be…and that will be my new prayer…and the prayer for my daughters..that they not be lost in indecision of who they are, to be proud of the quirkiness they may behold and embrace the desires to do things out of the norm..as long as they are what God is leading them to do..to be a bridge to His light.

  22. Thank you so much for this devotion today that I got through Crosswalk. I felt like God was speaking to me today because, like all the other posts on here, I too struggle with finding my purpose in life and what it is God has in store for me. I'm 33 and a working mom but there are times when I want to quit my job and stay home with my 2 year old son but feel like I couldn't handle it. Currently my husband stays home with him and he works in the evenings when I come home from work. I've been struggling for years to find the right career or what it is that I'm passionate about to find a career in that. I am going to continue to pray for God's will and to show me the direction He wants me to go. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in this topic, I'm not comfortable answering those questions about dreams because I do not know what I want to do. I'm going to keep on seeking God's direction.

    Heather
    [email protected]

  23. Thank you for today's devotion. I'm almost 30 and I've been feeling totally discouraged lately. This was just what I needed to hear this morning.

    Thanks,
    Stacy (NC)
    snoopy47895[at]yahoo[dot]com

  24. Thanks so much. At 51, i am still trying to figure this out. Looking forward to checking out the resources you mention.

  25. Thanks for your devotional today. You put into words exactly the way I feel inside. I'm very happy that I've found this website! 🙂

  26. Renee, wow you have gotten quite the response from this devotion. It was wonderful and it looks like it was as much of an encouragement to be as it was to many other women. I am approaching the big 3-0 and feel exactly as you described. Thanks so much for sharing your heart.
    God Bless You,
    Bobbi
    [email protected]

  27. Renee,
    Thanks for this timely message. I will be 52 in a few days and have been laid off for over a year. The only lifeline I have right now is my faith…can your book and cd be purchased in Christian Bookstores?
    I really need some support and would love to read this over the weekend! Thanks! Bobbi

  28. This came at the perfect time. I was just talking to my 14 year old daughter about her dreams for her future when I realized I still (at age 44) don't really know what I want to be "when I grow up". I work a FT job that I usually like, but sometimes I wonder if God doesn't want something more for me. I'd say the categories that best describe me are choleric and phlegmatic.

    Thank you for this post and the book references.

  29. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up either, and I'm 29 years old with 4 kids! I have never really known my strengths nor had a specific desire for any career. I can't seem to find anything that I really enjoy doing.
    I would call myself phlegmatic to a fault. "Peace and relaxation at nearly all costs."
    email [email protected]

  30. Hi Renee,
    I have been asking the Lord to show me why I am here. What is my purpose? I am 42 and my two children are now living many miles away. God spoke to me through your message (this is the first time I have ever clicked on your site through my "Crosswalk Encouragement For Today". Thank you for sharing the tools we need so that we can be complete!
    Kim
    [email protected]

  31. I guess this is the way God wanted it to be. I didnot do my morning devotion this morning becasue I overslept and I said that I was going to read the devotions in my mail box as my only devotion until I got home. I got hit below the stomach by the question what will I like if all things being equal. I had to think on that for a minute but fear, anxiety will not let me see. Its so dark but the only things that I see in a flicker is mom and wife. I am 45years old single with no child. I have made somany mistakes that I understand God if never allows me to be either of this.Timies and times agian He brought me to the brink and I blew it off. Now I see myself as when He talks about giving the land rest for a while and going back to refarm it but if you don't He will drive us out and let the land rest(paraphrase). I am in this place with no friends and afraid to venture out. I turn people off with my actions but I don't mean to and as such I pretend that all is well on the outside. I don't have any dreams anymore becasue I don't know who I am or what I look like. I see myself in the mirrow but soon forget what I look like. I can't sit still for long for I am really busy yah? I am a joke

  32. This devotion seems to be on a theme for me. I keep asking myself what I want to be when I grow up. I know I have unique gifts and passions to share. Unlike you, I know what I would do if I had unlimited funds, no doubts, no fears. It's a dream I've had for years and years. I just need to figure out how I can make that work for me considering I have no funds, fears, and doubts. My prayer is that God continues to nudge me with these devotions.

  33. I'm 35 years of age,never been married with a teen daugter 16 years old.I too am still searching for the answers to who I am in this world. We stay in a small flat and we have our ups & downs. Today's devotion pulled at my heart strings, because sometime ago my daugter wanted to know the same about herself. I wasn't very supportive cause I DON'T even know the real me, or who i am suppose to be.I don't have dreams, since my life became a routine.all my friends are married so i avoide going out with the team,being the odd one out.i avoid mingling with the parents of Charnè's friends cause i look very young for my age and feel like they ignore me in the company like I'm a kid and don't understand adult life. I seriously at myself and where i fit in, thanks so much. gerri

  34. I'm 35 years of age,never been married with a teen daugter 16 years old.I too am still searching for the answers to who I am in this world. We stay in a small flat and we have our ups & downs. Today's devotion pulled at my heart strings, because sometime ago my daugter wanted to know the same about herself. I wasn't very supportive cause I DON'T even know the real me, or who i am suppose to be.I don't have dreams, since my life became a routine.all my friends are married so i avoide going out with the team,being the odd one out.i avoid mingling with the parents of Charnè's friends cause i look very young for my age and feel like they ignore me in the company like I'm a kid and don't understand adult life. I seriously at myself and where i fit in, thanks so much. gerri

  35. I love so many things about this post and about your devotion! One of my favorite lines from your devotions is this one:

    "It's not self-seeking but God-seeking to intentionally get to know and become the woman He created you to be."

    That is so good, Renee! I struggle with feeling self-seeking and selfish..but God WANTS me to become who He created me to be. And that is going to take asking Him who He wants me to be…it's going to take learning about me. I am bad to lean towards encouraging others and not letting Him encourage me about me. But I NEED His direction and encouragement. SO thanks for opening my eyes to see that I am not being self-seeking. 🙂

    And I love the line in your post about how we are to complete one another as women, not compete with one another. Soooooo good!

    Okay…I won't comment all day.
    Just thank you. Thank you so much for having a heart to encourage women to find who they are designed by God to be. To walk in all He has for them! I am 33 years old….and I am so ready to start living the life HE has for me. So ready!

    I love, love, love you, my friend!
    🙂 K
    (And thank you for the giveaway!!!!!)

  36. What great timing! This devotion and blog have really helped me to fully recognize that I should accept and love the woman God has created me to be. I just turned 23 years old and have done some pretty cool things in my life. However, I really have not found fulfillment as I would like. I believe that once I take this "journey to self-in-God" my life will be more fulfilling and meaningful!

    Melissa
    [email protected]

  37. I subscribe to Crosswalk daily and after reading todays encouragement for women I was nearly in tears. This is so me! And I never realized it. I spend every day, stressed, busy, no time for me, no time to focus on what I need or who I am . . . I don't know. And yet I am somehow drawn here to your site and whamm! there it is. Added to this is the simple fact that I have started a journey back to Christ through some very special people in my life. I am participating in a weekly Bible Study and when I found Crosswalk I was thrilled . . . and now your site. What's next? I can't wait for the next ephifany in my daily life.

    I live in Hedgesville West Virginia and I am 42 – almost 43 yr young woman.

  38. Thanks for the devotion today! It really hit home with me. I have been feeling this way for some time now and trying to figure out just what purpose God has for me and if I am even close to living my purpose. I look forward to reading these Proverbs 31 devotions everyday and I have to tell you that almost everyday when i read them I feel like God is speaking to me becuase in one form or another it completely relates to my life. You ladies are awesome and I appreciate you so much! God Bless you all!
    Amanda – 34 from Illinois
    [email protected]

  39. Do you have other books or resources you used to help you along this journey? At 37 I find that I've lost sight of what I enjoy doing and what preferences I have as I honor and care for my dh and two ds's. Any and all thoughts you have would be deeply appreciated.
    Autumn
    [email protected]

  41. Oh my goodness Renee! You must have used me as our inspiration for this! My whole life I have always dones what I had to do, never what I wanted to do. It wasn't till recently that I started thinking about what I really wanted to do. But now I feel like I've waited so long that its too late for my dreams. I've been thinking alot lately to about where I serve in church. I seem to have my feet in so many different areas and now I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I know I need to pull back but I'm having trouble deciding where I really want to be.
    And a quick side note: A few years ago on our women's retreat our speaker took us through a personality test to help us determine our type.Through the course of it she describe the different types (the same ones you did) and then we scored ourselves based on different answers to questions. However at the end she explained that most of us all have at least 2 of those personality types in us. Then she went on to describe a certain patern it follows. Well, of course I didn't fit the pattern at all. And I still remember her words: "If your pattern is diagonal, then something is wrong, because it shouldn't be that way. It should be up and down or side to side". I laughed about it at the time, but I've never fogotten it.
    Anyway, thanks for the chance to win, I'd love to take time to figure myself out, and maybe I'll find out that there isn't something wrong with me after all.
    Josey
    jbozzoblog.blogspot.com
    [email protected]

  42. THANK YOU! God is speaking to me through you today. just last night I was discussing this exact topic with my husband, not knowing who I am or what I'm supposed to be. I never imagined myself at 32 with four kids 6 and under but God obviously thinks I can handle it?! You have given me the tools to start this journey of "finding myself" and God's purpose for me. I admit it's a little scary to start because I don't feel like I've ever been able to find myself in personality tests or spirtual gifts analysis because i always just barely fit into all categories (trying to be who I want me to be maybe?!). I now want to make time to try to figure this out to be who God wants me to be. Thank you for showing me it's possible, I felt like you had written just for me today!
    [email protected]

  43. Thank you for your devotional. This really spoke to me this morning. I have been going through some new challenges and have just realized that after 7 years of raising twins, being the best mom and wife I can be (along with many other hats), that I really have no idea what God has in store for me or what I am supposed to be doing.I have found that my best is never good enough for the people that surround me and that I only need to do my best for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The good news is I do know God has a plan for my life. But I have to admit I am scared of what that plan is. I do find comfort that His plan is perfect and He will be satisfied if I am obedient and He loves me always. I pray I will find the purpose for my life through Gods great Mercy and Grace. I will definitely have to find the time and materials you have suggested to start this journey. Thank you for your perfect timing.
    Kimberly Hill
    [email protected]

  44. Thank you so much for this devotion today. I am 38 years old and live in a small town in Minnesota. I keep asking God what He has planned for me. While I am a wife, daughter, and mother of five great kids, I just can't help feeling that God has more in store for me… Thank you for the resources, I am definitely going to use them to help me in my search to find out why God put me on the great Earth of His! : ) I would love to be entered in the drawing, my e-mail address is: [email protected].

  46. I was so excited when I received your devotion today. This has truly been a struggle in my life recently. I'm almost 26 but I struggle with the fact that my life isn't what I had dreamed it to be when I was 5! I am slowly learning to appreciate where God has me and find comfort in the desires He has placed in my heart. Thanks so much!!!

    [email protected]

  47. Thank you for your wonderful, on-the-mark devotion! Like so many others, I too am constantly comparing and coming up short. I am 47, lost my mom when I was 13 and had an abusive dad. All of this formed me into a people pleaser. I need prayers and would love to be in the drawing for your book – [email protected]. I am reading a book right now – Good and Angry by Turansky and Miller – a wonderful book that explains how explosive parenting creates people pleasers – its really great – and I pray that its insights will help me be a better mommy to my HS 8yo daughter. God's blessings to everyone, you are in my prayers today.
    Cindy

  48. I am turning 49 in a few weeks, helping others has been what I do. Just last night my husband said "You can't make everything alright for everyone." I know that is God's territory, but yet in the business I do seem to carry burdens that arn't mine. And in that business, somehow I lost me. Thank you, I want, as you have, to serve Him in the way He created me to, instead of this whirlwind that keeps me off balance. Thank you. [email protected]

  49. I can relate to exactly what you said. As I go through life, who I am changes and is becoming clearer the older I get. When I worked, I was focused on my career, but now that I'm a mom, it has caused me to be focused on being focused on Christ first and letting Him lead me and just enjoying each day (our girls are 6 and 4) and seeing where He takes me in the future – I trust in Jeremiah 29:11 – "I know the plans I have for you . . ." [email protected] from Chicago (age 37)

  50. Thank you for putting into words what I have felt for DECADES. I am 54 years old and have always wished to be more of what I just….am not. I have been so mad at God for making me quiet, shy, introverted, a behind-the-scenes kind of person and have often wished I could be more outgoing, fun, and the leader everyone follows. But I simply am NOT that type of person. My good traits are that I am loyal, trustworthy, sweet, kind, and a very hard worker. I know I fit perfectly into the Body of Christ and just need to accept with my heart what I already know in my mind. I have confessed this sin many times and do so once again. With NEW resolve to praise Him for who He made me to be!
    Thank you for your honesty! [email protected]

Uniquely You

My devotion “The Real Me” is featured today at Proverbs 31 website and Crosswalk. If you found my blog through my devotion, I am so glad you stopped by. The journey God’s taken me on to become the woman He created me to be has totally changed my life – and all of my relationships – for the better. I hope I can encourage you with what I’ve learned.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are, or why you do things the way you do? From the time I was in Jr. High, I didn’t really like who I was, so I compared myself to those around me and tried to figure out who people liked the most, so I could be like them. It was exhausting!

I am convinced that comparison is our worst enemy. My friend Genia summed it up best when she said, “When I compare myself with someone else, I can never measure up because I am comparing my insides with their outsides.” Isn’t it easy to compare how we feel on the inside with how someone else looks like they have it all together on the outside? Paul talks about the comparison trap in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “but when they measure themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding.”

Comparison leaves us confused and discontent. It causes us to compete with each other but no one wins! God never intended for women to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another. We need to encourage each other’s strengths and be who God created us to be. Paul explains why in 1 Corinthians 12:18-20, “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.”

You are uniquely you for your unique God-shaped purpose. We are all “God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”Ephesians 2:10, (NLT) God created you with a unique personality because you play an important role in the story He’s been writing since the beginning of time. There are certain thing He wants to do through your life and that is why He gave you a personality that is one-of-a-kind!

In her book, Personality Plus, Florence Littauer describes four personality types. See if you can relate to the desires and emotional needs of one or two of these:

Phlegmatic: Desires PEACE
Needs times of quiet, reduced stress, feeling of worth, relaxation

Choleric: Desires CONTROL
Needs appreciation for achievements, opportunity for leadership, and participation in decisions

Sanguine: Desires FUN
Needs attention, affection, approval, activity with people

Melancholy: Desires PERFECTION
Needs sensitivity, stability, support, space, silence

  • Which personality best describes you?
  • What are your greatest strengths? What are things you think you need to work on?
  • What challenges do you face in discovering your unique “you”?

Click on the word “Comments” below to share thoughts or questions. Or simply leave your name and email to be part of a drawing I’ll do this weekend to give away a copy of my CD and Workbook, Shaped with Purpose: A Practice Guide for Discovering Who You Are.

Each comment will be entered for the give-away so be sure to include your email.

Comments

  1. I never would have believed that there are so many others, like me, all close in age struggling with the same issues. Thank God for His timing in this! I know that He has brought us together….Thank God!And,thank you Renee and Proverbs 31Ministries!

  2. Hello Renee,

    This article really touched me today as they all do. This one in particular is something I am dealing with and have been for a long time. I am 36 years old and I have spent most of my life living in insecurities. Insecure about my size (I am a size 3-4, way too small), insecure about what direction to take in finding a career, insecure about so many things.

    This year I decided to give it to God and whatever he wants for me it will be for me. So I joined a church and got Baptized. I struggle daily with my current situation of my relationship. Not knowing what direction to take with it because I have lost who I am in it. I am tired, stressed and just unhappy. I felt that joining the church and getting baptized is the answer to guiding me to where I need to be. And I know it is, but yet I still struggle. I know it is a process but I am tired.

    Forgive me for going on and on. I just wanted you to know I was truly touched by this article and I to am on a journey of finding who I really am.

    Thank you for what you have shared, I truly can relate.

    Have a blessed day!

  4. Dear Renee
    It is amazing to me as I read this article, how it sounded so much like me. I am 49 years old and don’t know the real me yet, but I am praying for God’s guidance.

    Thank you for allowing God to use you to be a blessing to many.

    Evelyn

  5. I think I thought it was too late! I really didn’t think about it too much until just a few years ago.

    I would love to be in your book drawing!

    Faith

  6. Dear Renee,
    Thank you for “The Real Me”. I received a conviction this morning, my husband and I are seeing a counselor and just yesturday he told me that I was Sanguine. That I need attention, I never saw that in me because if there is something that I stay away from is attention, affection, and approval but I do like to interact with others.

    My strenghts are: good listener and I like working with my hands (give me a project/craft and I am there), I love to sing but can’t hold a note and dancing well that’s in my blood (I was dancing when in my mother’s womb).

    I do need to work on being more assertive and I lack confidence. I also have a hard time speaking my mind. I consider myself to be shy, but my friends say otherwise.

    The challenges that I face in discovering my Unique self is where and how do I start. Then when I do find out, being able to accept and apply what I have learned about me to my life.

    May God continue to Bless you…

    Carmen ([email protected])

  7. I knew I struggled with this daily but never realized fully how much I have been hurting inside because of this until I read your devotional this morning. When my friends talk about their careers obtained as a result of their college degrees I tend to feel less of a person than them. I could go on and on about I guess the truth is I really need to find out who I am. I pray God can help me realize and then accept who I am in Him.

  8. Thank you for your openness and your message, I have spent a life of 60 years not liking myself and not knowing my purpose, finally God has shown me the way, and I feel at peace.
    I would love to read your book.
    God bless you
    [email protected]

  10. Dear Renee,
    I enjoyed reading your devotional. I am a mixture of phlegmatic and melancholy. I have been on this journey for a few years. I have gone through a few books as well. Max Lucado has a good one out there called “Finding your Sweet Spot.” I know the area that the Lord has called me to serve and work, and I am taking steps to become more employable in that area. I have returned to school and hope to be working in my profession in about a year.

    The journey is amazing. There are times when doubt and fear creap in and I wonder if I really was listening to God, or was this my plan or my husband’s plan. I worry at times that I will not be able to get a job, or do a good job when I do find one. Then I pray and the Lord moves me past the fear and helps me to realize that whatever he has called me to he will also equip me to do.

    God is so much bigger than anything that I could ever imagine. I don’t want to limit His plan with my fears.

    As I move along this journey, I continue to pray for His guidance, direction, help and strength. He has enabled me to do so many things that I didn’t seem possible before. We serve an awesome God!

    Thanks for your blog. I have never written on a blog before. I really appreciate what you wrote in your devotion and am glad that I found you web page.

    Blessings,

    Skues ([email protected])

  11. Renee, Love the direction your blog has been going lately. Mostly because it is where I’m thinking too. I love it when I find people who think like I do. 😉

    I am a Chloeric/Sanguine. I’m much of the C than the S but the S comes out strong some days.

    Things like the personality profiles you mentioned have helped me so much in understanding that it is OK that I am not like everyone else. I can’t be. I am uniquely me. It has also helped me see that ALL of me, all parts of personality need to be under the reign of the Master. Without that my personality goes crazy and the I find my excusing my bad behavior with phrases like “oh that’s just my personality or that’s just how I was made.” The study of personality types has helped me see that even the not so pretty parts of my personality can be and must be brought under the control of the Holy Spirit.

    I feel that I need to let the other ladies that are really struggling today with knowing who they are and who they are in Christ that I am praying. In fact, let me right now…Father, my heart is so heavy for these ladies. Thank you and I praise you that you know every thought and care for every need in our lives. Nothing gets by you. Thank you for the opportunity for these ladies, myself included, to share with each the burdens in our hearts that might stand together to petition you to meet those needs. Father, I pray that you will make yourself known to these ladies in a mighty way today. I pray that they will hear you whispering to their hearts that you have a plan for them, that you love them, you delight with great joy over them, and nothing can snatch them out of your hand. Thank you for loving us and providing for us in unmistakable only God could have done it ways. And thank you for Renee and her ministry and the opportunity it is giving women to be heard, to have community, and to be ministered to. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

    Christy
    [email protected]

  12. Renee,
    I know from other personality tests that I’ve taken that I tend to be melancholic, but I’ve had such a week that I see my needs in all of the four types!
    Seriously, though, this post has reminded me that although others might see my sensitivity as a drawback, it could be a benefit to be able to emphathize with others.

  13. Cindy
    [email protected]

    First I want to thank you for all your words. I enjoy reading them and so often I feel like you know what I need to hear and read. After reading the devotional, I know I want to read that book! Boy have you described me. I have compared myself to others ALL the time, I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. I started journaling, which has really helped.

    I think I am Melancholy with a little Choleric.

    It has been since I have started making time for the Lord every day, that slowly he is revealing things about me, things that need to change and things that I need to do. In this whole process, he has also revealed that I was to organize a Woman’s Christian book club for busy women online (by blogging). Me! This is actually how I AM going to enjoy spending my free time. I have 13 women committed to this, and I am so excited. This is the first time I am facilitating something, so please please please say a little prayer for my Women’s Book Club Blog.

    A saying come to mind, If satan can’t make you bad, he’ll make you busy.

  15. Dear Renee,

    Your article on “The Real Me” sounds just like me. For over 25 years I have been a people pleasure, making their priority more important than my own. I have always been like this since I can remember. I find myself wanting to change this aspect of my personality after the death of my father. Who in turns have the same personality of what I have. I have always been putting other people before myself thinking that it would make both them and me happy. Just to fall short of not focusing on myself. I know that I am a very caring person but as you can say, I feel myself holding onto the people pleasing personality because it reminds me of my father. God rest his soul. I to feel burnt-out from pleasing all the people in my life that I feel exhausted each day.

    Just like you, I to find myself comparing myself to others. Ever since elementary school, I never really had any friends leading me to be an extreme introvert. Once I went into middle school, I still had no friends and even in high school. I gained one friend who just turned her back on me because she did not like my husband (then boyfriend) and on the last minute of our wedding decided not to show. Ever, since that day I have had the persona that friends don’t matter only family. However, that persona changed once my father died in 2007. I had to reach out for help and I gained a special friend at church who later lost her husband but we have supported each other.

    Believe it or not, it took me over 25 years to see that I am beautiful in God’s eyes and my husband’s as well. I still have battles with myself and comparing me to other women’s exterior to my interior just to find myself in the same rut I did when I was young. I always thought of myself as inadequate and un-pretty and that I will never have a boyfriend or yet such a loving husband as Manuel has been to me.

    Thank you Renee, for giving me some more insight to let me find my personal personality that has to deal with myself and not the one I seem to put on day to day. Again thank you and Proverbs 31 Ministries for your encouraging devotionals that I receive daily.

    Sincerely (once broken hearted),
    Katrina [email protected]

  16. What a thought provoking article! I’m 46 and I can’t answer that question either. I can’t even decide which of the four personality traits I am because think I am all four. Is that messed up or what? = > I’m thinkin’ that workbook might be a good thing……

  17. Renee,

    Thank you so much for bringing this issue that obviously touches so many of us to light. I am finally learning and accepting, at 39, that God created me with special interests and talents to be used for His glory. I have learned to stop comparing myself to other women and concentrate on the purpose He has for me, and only me. I am stubborn and these were hard lessons for me and I still have to ask God to show me that He is using me. As women, I feel that we need to learn to celebrate our unique personalities and talents and stop trying to fit into this mold that we think we should fit into. I learned through divorve and being a single parent for several years that God expects us to celebrate His creations in each one of us and use our differences to reach other people. I don’t have public talents, such as singing, playing a musical instrument, or speaking, but God has shown me other areas that He has created me for. Now, as a pastor’s wife, mother, and step-mother, I have the opportunity to be used by God as an example that He can use all of us for His glory in any situation. What a wonderful adventure!

    Thanks again,
    Lydia
    [email protected]

  18. Dear Renee,

    God amazes me every day! When I saw the subject line of my P31 devotional today I throat dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I JUST said to my husband last night that I need to stop comparing myself to people and just be me. I’m still not exactly sure who that is exactly, but God using you today in my life gives me such an encouragement that I will find out!

    Thank you so much!
    Jacquie

  20. Good devotional. The Lord has used you to hit the nail squarely on the head. I (at 52) have been wondering what the Lord wants me to do as I have some health issues. As I read your devotional what He’s been whispering in my ear came again and I Know want I am to be doing. Now if I only knew who I am it would be great!
    Karen @[email protected]

  22. I am so touched after reading your message & everyone’s comments. This crisis of identity is one that, I think, is shared more by women than men. We have to juggle so much more than they do most of the time and we wear so many hats. Is it any wonder?

    I am also at a time (50) where I am looking back and wondering what I have really accomplished and where I’m going from here.

    My business has become very, very slow due to a bad economy in Florida and I’m wondering and waiting on God as to what to do. I need to contribute financially to my household. Sometimes what we love doesn’t produce a good income!

    I think I’m at a fork in the road and just need to listen to God and do some research. I would love to be a part of the drawing for your book and cd.

    Thanks.

  23. I read your devotion this morning. It really touched my heart. Now that all my children are school age it seems like I have a little more time to figure out who I am in God’s eyes. I have struggled for this for so long. When I was little I was always compared to my Mom. Then as an adult I have always been known as the lady with five children. I love and adore being a mother, but I can’t help asking, “Is there something more I am supposed to be doing?” When I was homeschooling, that was a very easy question. I knew my ministry was at home. Now the kids are in public school and I am home alone all day, I find myself asking what is it I am supposed to be doing now? Who does God want me to be? Where does he want me to be?
    I look forward to following God’s path for me.
    Kim ([email protected])

  24. Thank you so much for today’s blog. It was a direct answer to pray. I especially enjoyed reading the responses of so many others. I found myself in every post. Thanks to everyone for their transparency and authenticity.

    [email protected]

  25. The devotion on Proverbs 31 today is one that I will print and add to my collection of ones I think I really need to read over and over again. I love your blog as well and am so glad I followed the link on the devotional. I so want to be the woman that God wants me to be, but I feel constantly sidetracked. I think I was brought up believing that anytime I looked at a good quality in myself it was being conceited and arrogant, so I’ve always avoided looking for my strengths and put others first. I never considered that God made me the way I am for a reason and that I don’t have to be ashamed of it.

  26. I can so relate to what your devotion said. I’ve been floundering for some time now trying to figure out what God wants me to be. I wish He would just write it on a brick and drop it for me!

    Thanks

  27. Renee-
    Thanks so much for your encouraging message. I would love to be put in the drawing for your CD and workbook.
    Keep up the good work and may God Bless your ministry!

    Shannon
    [email protected]

  29. DearRenee-
    Thank you so much for your thoughts on this subject. Thank you for reminding us that we are beautifully made with a purpose in Christ’s image! Wow! If that doesn’t make you feel special!As I search for the women God wants me to be, I ask that he will be glorified through my actions and thoughts. That I can impact the world for him!Thank you again for brining this subject to so many women’s attention. Let us focus on him to find out our purpose and he reveals it to us in our walk with him. Have a wonderful day and God Bless you as you speak to so many women I pray their lives will be blessed and chagned for his will.

  30. A beautiful devotion and speaks exactly to where I am in my life today. Funny that I also just turned 32 a couple weeks ago. The prayer at the end of the devotion is something that I will use in my own quiet time in hopes that the Lord will continue to guide me on my journey.

  31. Thanks Renee.Your article “The real me” has helped me a lot.
    I’m a 52 yrs old lady,living in RWANDA.I now know what I have to do to find “me”-I ‘m going to take time and ask my MAKER.
    God bless you abundantly.

  32. Renee,
    I loved this devotion.

    I am going to go back and re-read it again.

    I read Florence’s book several years ago as well as have taken several personality type tests over the years and I find myself always, always somewhere between “chloeric” and “melancholy”.

    I used to almost despise this, since it always seemed that the other personalities were those who seemed to be having fun.

    But I have learned and continue to learn to look at myself through God’s design.

    It is a process. At times I still look at others and think to myself, “why couldn’t God make me like her?”

    This is a huge issue for women. HUGE! Thank you for taking the time to write on this topic.

  33. Dear Renee,

    Thank you so much for putting into words the way I, and alot of other women, feel. It truly is exhausing to try to please everyone all the time and be all things to all people!

    I will be 45 this year and am not in a “happy” place with my life. God is working in me everyday to change that.

    Thank God for you and Proverbs 31 Ministries for approaching subjects that we don’t always like to think about and deal with, especially when those are the things we need to do the most.

  34. Renee, your article on Prov 31 regarding the “real me” really spoke to me. I felt like you were describing me. I am 56 years old and don’t know what I want or even what I like. I have spent my whole life feeling like it was my job to keep peace, not rock the boat and making other people happy. I was the peace-keeper in a troubled family growing up, then married a strong willed husband, then raised two strong willed teenage boys. My job, I thought, was to meet their needs. There is no burn-out for me now.. I have been there and done that when the boys were younger. There is no comparison to others but there is a feeling of being inadequate. Also, because I have always lived as a reactor to other people’s feelings, I am not good at following through with things for myself. The only time I am really happy is when I am alone with God, so Satan does EVERYTHING he can to keep that from me. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one. Praying God will show me how to follow through on changing. I covet your prayers and those of the other women who read this..

  35. Dear Renee—
    This is something that I had blocked from my thoughts for many years as well! Being abused at the age of four put me in a place where I would not allow myself to feel, think, or dream! Therefore….when I started dealing with the abuse 38 years later….I truly did not know myself…or my dreams! That was almost five years ago…and I’m starting to get there!! It is comforting to know that other women were in the same boat as me though!! God has been very good to me in my life! He has blessed me with experiences in my life that are now allowing me to provide healing to others who have been through what I have!!! Thanks for reminding me of how far I’ve come!!! Bless you!!

  36. OH SNAP!! It is with complete relief that I am not the only one suffering a “mid-life” crisis!! Just kidding. Just Kidding.

    Joking aside. It is wonderful to read these posts and know that you are not the “only” woman in the world that doesn’t “have it together” and even those who we think do, don’t. 🙂

    As my pastor says, it’s no accident that you are here (in our church). I say the same thing about your blog and your P31 article. It’s no accident that you wrote it, it was posted and many have come to read it. Amen! 🙂

    I am 39 and hope that the Lord will allow me to discover who I am in Him by the time I am 40 (Dec ’08).

    May you continue to receive His blessings and wisdom.

    In Christ’s love,
    Your Sanguine/Choleric with a little dash of Phlegmatic reader.
    Mish
    [email protected]

  37. I am in the same place the rest of these ladies are. Yet, I take solace in knowing God is with me always and in is in control. I am a survivor and battle fears of rejection almost daily. I am in a career change and am working to determine what is God’s will for me at this point in my life. I know with patience on God I will in time learn more of his plans for me.

    Thank You for this blog.Like others, it has struck a cord with me.
    [email protected]

  38. Dear Renee: I read your article on the Real Me and thought Wow-I thought I was the only one. I am so glad at 38 that I am not the only one who does not know who she is. God and I obviously need to talk! Thank you for touching my life with your faith.
    God bless Kathryn in Ontario
    [email protected]

  39. This idea has been on my mind in recent weeks. I could have written C.J.’s comment. After 24 stressful years of marriage, I am burned out – that ‘old leaf…withered up and ready to blow away’. I know my perspective is skewed, but wonder what my life is supposed to look like. I feel separated from God and cannot see His purpose for me. Life feels like working a tapestry from the back side.

    Thanks for your thoughts on this. [email protected]

  40. Oh my goodness! When I read your devotion entitled “The Real Me” I wondered who is this woman reading my mail in public? I am 33 years old and have been asked those same questions a few times and I still don’t have an answer. It’s hard for some people to understand how I cannot have an answer but I’ve been in survival mode for so long that I have never allowed myself to dream. I am now in the process of asking God who He created me to be and I’m trusting that He will answer/show me soon.

    Thank you for sharing this, it really helps to know that I’m not the only one who has struggled to answer these questions.

  41. Hi Rene

    I am all the way in UK and so glad to be connected to this ministry as the encouragement for the day always encourages me.

    I really would love a copy of your book, but i dont seem to be able to order it from the UK as i think method of payments differ in the US. If i am blessed to win a CD that would be gr8!

    But please can you advise on how best i can order your book from the UK. I really need guidance in knowing my purpose and who i really am as i faced so many disappointments in life which has left me somewhat confused at the moment.

    Your devotional was so key for me today as i had been up last night tearful about where i am in my life right now and what God has instore for me.

    Blessings
    [email protected] or [email protected]

  42. Hi Renee!
    I love it when God speaks to me. This is an issue that I have been meditating on a lot lately. I’m eager to go through your workbook and continue discovering who I am. I have spent my life in relationships and being who the other person needed me to be so that each time a relationship failed I was left floating around with no direction because I have never taken enough time to establish my irrevocable identity. God’s brought me back to his open arms and I am discovering who I am and who I want to be, but my journey is far from over.
    Your words are an encouragement. Have a Super Blessed Day!
    ([email protected])

  43. I read your devotional on Encouragement for Today and it’s exactly what I needed to hear. The last two days I’ve been struggling with this exact question. I was burden with this thought that I have no desire and worse I didn’t even know who I was. For the Lent season I’ve decided to set aside time everyday to read the Bible and sit in prayer. After only two days I can already see God at work; how awesome! Thank you for your message. I look forward to discovering who I am.

    [email protected]

  44. I have struggled for years with finding my place. Before I was married, I was involved in an abusive relationship for 4 years. 15 years later, I’m married with 2 young boys. I keep looking for how God wants me to use my experience. I’m very active in my church, and only 2 or 3 people know of my past. I want to find a way to use it for His glory. I know everything happens for a reason, and I don’t want my past to be in vain. I keep trying to see where God wants me to go with it. Your post today really struck a chord. I pray that God will show us our place.

  45. Renee
    I am 66 years soon to be 67 years and when I read your article ‘The Real Me’ it seemed to be describing me as I am now. I am honestly admitting that at this stage of my life I don’t know the real me. If asked what I like I could not say, and dreams with or without money, I could not formulate one. Mind you I am doing things, but I think these are just things that come up, but there is no passion. I just prayed and asked the Lord to show me what His will for my life is, and I hope He shows me. In the meantime, please tell me which books you read that helped you
    Thanks.
    I am Yvonne and my email is [email protected]

  48. Unfortunately it took me until I was 53 to understand who was in charge. Since then I listen to everything he tells me, but right now I’m on an adventure that I truly believe he is guiding me on because I never would have thought of it on my own. I’m taking a writing course. When I was looking at different courses, I had asked for information from two different institutions. One was what sounded like a good one and then I discovered a totally Christian one and I pondered over it. I let myself open to the Lord as to which one I should take, thinking surely that He would guide me to the Christian one solely on its merits. You have to remember that this idea seemed totally out of the blue to my husband who’s a wonderful man that never questions and always gives me courage to do whatever I choose as far as quests.(He one of the gifts that the Lord gave me at a very awful time of my life) I prayed and meditated on my choice of schools and even questioned the decision that I was encouraged to take and the first school was the one. I found out later that this particular school is very Bible based and full of wonderful people. I think I now am seeing what direction this is going. The missions I would like to undertake are the mentally ill and the elderly. These are the most forgotten people in this world. There is a little history with the mentally ill because my mother and my youngest son are Bipolar. I’m scared to death myself but I know that is why I’m being encourged by God. I know that now I will be ok. People don’t understand this disease very well. The other area is for my love and that is the elderly. What a wealth of information as well as friendships I’m going to enjoy in this area. I’ve got some ideas and already our rather large community paper has given me an open door if I choose to go in that direction. If it will put me into the nursing homes and senior community I’ll be blessed.

  49. Renee-
    Thank you for speaking from the heart about your journey. I could really relate to everything you said. I can also relate to c.j.’s comment as I just turned 50 and am still waiting to find out what I will be when I grow up. Thank you c.j. for sharing because I feel like I am living the same life you are. I struggle to find time to spend with God, even though I know that is the best way to spend my time.
    God bless you!

  50. Hi Renee,
    I was so thankful to read your devotion today. I have always wondered what God’s plans are for me, even since I was a child. Your advice at learning who I am is something that has not occurred to me. I praise God for giving me the time to read your message and I hope to begin a wonderful journey of finding out just who I really am.
    Blessings to you,
    Chris
    [email protected]