Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I'm still trying to believe that I am valued and loved – at 37 years old! I want my 3 year old daughter to know that in her heart long before she is 37, so I need to believe and live it!
It's interesting to me how many of us constantly do what others "expect" of us, but not what GOD expects of us. Exactly what I needed to read today. Thanks!
Erin
I am so anxious for your book to come out! I'm leading an online Bible study in my church and want A Confident Heart to be one of the books we study.
Thank you for sharing this today! Phew- I can not even begin to tell you how much a needed this! My husband and I were talking this week and he asked me- what do I want to do with my life? we were discussing us maybe going back to get our Masters degrees and he kept asking well what would you want to do. Where is my passion? Where do I feel God leading!? I got upset with questions wondering why is he harrasing me! Up until now I always had a check list- graduate HS- check; graduate college- check; get married- check; okkk now what! everytime someone asks what my goal in life is I always try to come up with an answer based on the person who asked so I sound good or they approve. Your devotion helped me figure out I need to sit down with just me and God and figure this out! Who am I?
I am very confident in all that I do or try. I do not compare myself to any one. I also do not dream because dreams do not come true. They just get shattered. All you get left with is reality and a broken heart.
I am a mess. In the middle of so much with my health, our family, military, and ill children.
Oh my, did I need this today!! Although I've always been the exact opposite in that I have TOO MANY passions, talents, and desires… My struggle lies in knowing just what God wants me to do with them. I've never wanted to be like anyone else either; I've always rebelled against the status quo. This leads to a pretty lonely life though… I'm 34, never married, with no kids. Like I said, pretty lonely. People like others to be in pretty packages, without giving any regard to the true person who lies within. I pray that my Father in heaven will bring people into my life who can see past my outer "package" to my God given "inner being". God bless you for this devotional today! Love in Christ, Julie Mae
Thanks designed for sharing such a fastidious thought, post is good, thats why i have read it completely
I loved this devotion today and it instantly caught my intention. I especially enjoyed the part where you encouraged us to get to know ourselves and ask GOD what his dreams for our life our and that its okay to enjoy the process! It has been a beauitful journey;God has brought me so far, though I still have a ways to go. I can honestly say that I like who I am, and I look forward in excitement to what God has planned for me;I can actually see beauty in me, when before I was filled with self-hatred and low self worth, my prayer is that this knowledge will continue to resonate with me and sink down to my heart where I need it the most.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1295267327
Here's where I shared you on Facebook. Not sure if I did that right! 🙂
~Kerrie
I agree with Ravynword's comment it sounds just like what I had to say, resonantes is a great way to describe the struggle I have had since childhood with self doubt. I have done the Breaking free study but I am still captive. I can't wait to hear what God has told you to tell me.
Wow; I have always wanted to know what God wanted me to be im life besides a people pleaser I would like to read your book. I know it would be a blessing to me..Good job
I am 50 years old and dieing each day because I do not who, what or were I belong in this life. I love the FATHER with all my heart and soul. I have committed to reading the Bible everyday and have developed a personal/intimate relationship with HIM. I have been unemployed for the past year, divorced and betrayed by my husband. I sit still trying have yet to find a passion for life. I sit home looking for a job because I need health benefits. I sit at home trusting in the FATHER to continue to supply my needs as HE has been for the past year. HE has kept me from loosing my mind and keeping my heart in tact. The quesiton often asked by me is " what will become of me?"
I visited your blog for the first time today after reading a devotional by you sent out by Bible Gateway. I instantly knew I should read your book! I married young and had six kids in 10 years – now as a homeschooling mom, working part time, and involved in church ministries, I often feel like I'm just reacting to my life, not really living it. Sounds like you might have some answers for me! 🙂 I'd be happy to share this on FB too – sounds like something my "gang" could use to hear too! 🙂 Blessings ~Kerrie
BTW – I shared the link to your FB page on my FB page. I know I'm not the only one of my friends that feels the way I do. God bless you Renee! Anastasia (Stacy)
I visited your blog for the first time today after reading a devotional by you sent out by Bible Gateway. I instantly knew I should read your book! I married young and had six kids in 10 years – now as a homeschooling mom, working part time, and involved in church ministries, I often feel like I'm just reacting to my life, not really living it. Sounds like you might have some answers for me! 🙂 I'd be happy to share this on FB too – sounds like something my "gang" could use to hear too! 🙂 Blessings ~Kerrie
Dear Renee,
Thank you for today's devotional and your blog. God has been speaking to me for some time about connecting with His dream and vision for my life. I am afraid I lost this after my husband passed away, and had been afraid to even think or pray about it. I plan on sharing your thoughts and ideas tonight at my woman's bible study and trust that we will agree to use your new book for our next study guide to encourage ourselves to "step out of the shadow and into His light" for our lives.
Aloha,
Sue
I just shared your Facebook link.
I struggle with this daily and lately I have really been feeling like I need to figure out my purpose in life. I'm tired of being stuck in a rut just because it's comfortable. It may be comfortable but it's defintely not fulfilling!
Wow. This really hit the hot button today. I'm still crying as I type this. There was a brief time in my life when I truly felt I knew who I was and why the Lord made me 'so weird' in so many ways (by the world's standards, not His of course)…but somewhere I got lost in circumstances and just trying to get through each day. I really needed to read this. Thank you.
Two weeks ago, I picked my 17 y/o daughter up from a weekend basketball trip. As soon as she got into the car, I asked question after question. At first, she answered my questions and later became reluctant in her responses. She then told me I asked too many questions. Initially, I became offended. After all, we fund this, we take you to practice, etc… but later the Holy Spirit revealed that she was right. I did ask too many questions and that I was overly involved. The Holy Spirit also revealed that the reason I was so obsessed with her dreams was because I had lost my own.
I don't know if I ever dreamed things for myself. Life and circumstances have a way of claiming things that we fail to diligently protect. Sometimes we hold others in much higher regard than we hold ourselves and believe that they are more worthy of the more precious things in life.
The next day I saw the same senerio repeat itself except it was with my daughter and my husband. He was asking question after question and she responded in the same manner.
I later told him what the Holy Spirit revealed to me. I told him that I would support my children in their dreams. I would encourage their dreams and I would do all that I could to equip them to pursue their dreams. But, I could no longer obsess about their dreams and that I had to find my own. I also encouraged him to find his dreams. I also suggested that once we find our individual dreams that we dream as a couple.
I truly believe that Becoming the Real Me was God sent to remind me, the challange me, to push me and to confirm that what I am pursuing is from God and not self.
Kim
These words are so true and really spoke to my heart. I started the day a little rough and reading this just reminds me not to over analyze myself. I attended your conference at Rock Gap Maryland earlier this year and I learned so much in that weekend about myself. I know I have a long way to go but it is amazing what God puts in our path to put things into perspective. Can't wait to read your book! Dana V.
Sounds like a great book! Can't wait to read it.:)
Sounds like a great book! Can't wait to read it.:)
When I began reading your blog today, it sounded like you were talking about me. I look forward to reading your book to find out what my dreams are.
Jackie
It is very true that when we turn away from our shadow and walk in the light and have a confident heart in God's word, but how do you do that alone God has to make that happen?
M.O.
Hi Renee,
I appreciate your devotion and blog today. I also lost God's dream and vision for my life after my husband died 8 years ago. I have been afraid to search these things. Now, He is healing my heart and I am encouraged to seek His vision and dream for me. I am going to share your ideas with my womens bible study tonight and encourage us to all examine seeing ouselves through God's eyes. I am trusting we will all agree to use your new book to "step out of the dark shadow and into His light" for our next study. I am truly grateful.
Aloha,
Sue
Thank you, I will be looking forward to reading your book.
Janet
Renee, again I am amazed at how close your devotion today hit home. I am 33 yrs old, a stay at home mother of two beautiful daughters, and I have absolutely no idea who I am or what God's plans are for me. It seems like every time I feel I may be on the right path, Satan steps in and brings doubt and fear. I am excited for your book to gain some insight as well as the thought that others feel or have felt the same way
Thank you for blessing so many with your ministry!
I also shared your facebook link on my page, in the hopes that other women would be blessed by the message God wants to get out through you!
I loved your comment "Sometimes it's because we don't have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts. " That totally has described me and how I grew up! Thank God that he has shed light onto who I am suppose to be in His image, and am constantly working towards becoming a woman in HIS image! Thank you for your post today!
Renee,
Thank you so much for your devotion today. I have been struggling daily with who I am meant to be. I am sure that it has something to do with my oldest child going off to college and the youngest not far behind her. I am a single mom and have been since they were babies. My world has revolved around them and their activities for so many years and I haven't taken the time to found out who I am meant to be in Christ. It is a little exciting to begin the process and a lot scary but I am going to go forward in the process. I would love to be entered for a chance to win your giveway. Again thank you for the encouragement.
In Christ,
Trudy
I was introduced to your program by a girlfriend/prayer partner. Your devotion for today reminded me that I need to continue to forge ahead in my calling. I have a passion for praying with and speaking life into people's life.
I am currently involved in a prayer meeting group. I also minister one and one with co-workers and neighbours. My next step is to complete a degree in counselling. To enhance my knowledge in this area.
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, which reminded me that we are a body and we should not compare ourselves with each other, rather use our gifts and talents to compliment each other.
Jaccy Calgary, Alberta
I almost didn't read today's devotion and I am glad I did. Because I know I am just going through the motions and am afraid to ask God what his Purpose is for me. What if I can't handle the answer? Thanks for the words of encouragement – can't wait to get the book 🙂
I agree with so many of the comments that others have left and can identify with your devotion today. I often say I wish I knew what I would be when I grow up. Now that I've hit 40, I feel like I'm running out of time and may never know. Thank you for sharing this and for the reminder to take it to God, the One who created me and loves me like no other.
Tweeted this encouraging post as well.
http://twitter.com/#!/kellyblackwell/status/70894352481796096
PS To give myself a head start, I popped over to P31 and ordered your CD & Workbook. I am soooo excited!
Your words spoke straight to my heart! I could not agree more with Ms.AMK. I hate those kinds of questions as well, for I never have an answer.
After walking and serving the Lord for 31 years. In all of His callings,in serving Him. First,in being a daughter of the King,then a wife, mom, friend, and sister in Christ, and also the honor of serving as a pastor's wife. None of which I would ever change! Indeed I have been a very blessed woman!
But, honestly as a woman, those callings have have caused me to struggle with being a people pleaser as I have been about meeting the needs of others. Not in bad ways, mind you. It is just in those callings,I have been serving Him,in my serving others.
Don't get me wrong,that is not a bad thing at all. He himself came to serve, not be served. But,now at this stage in my life, with all of those callings being so very different ~ I definantly have found ~ I have lost my knowing who I,am in Him. Not based upon those callings.
At this stage in my journey,my life has changed so many ways ~ I am now a widow, with grown children, and things in my life are completely different And this has brought me to a place of feeling a bit lost at times. He now seems to have me on the this journey to discover and know who I really am in Him, as well as to dare to dream. As CS Lewis has put it: "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." I want His dream for me! I hope to find the confident and real me, and to find His dream for me ~ that completes and fulfills His purpose and ideas, when He fearfully made me. I look forward to all He has ahead for me. I am so looking forward to reading your book. Thank you for your words of encouragement!
I am sharing this post via Facebook!
This came at such a perfect time…God's really been teaching me about this lately. My friend loaned me a copy of the book Motherstyles, by Janet Penley and it has really sparked this desire to get to know myself, the woman God created! In the midst of mothering 4 children over the last 8 years, I lost myself before I even got to know myself! Now I am busy serving in 3 MOPS roles. I was on the road to burnout, when God had me step back. Now that I am learning who I am and what energizes me and what drains me, I can do a better job in the roles I am truly called to fill. I look forward to reading your book!
Wow!! I really needed to hear this. I have been struggling with this very thing. I need to read your book. I am 36 years old. I am a wife , a mother to three teenagers, a homeschool teacher and we own our own business. I have many titles, but my question here lately is who am I? I mean the titles to not tell who I was created to be they just tell you what I do. Don't get me wrong I love each of those things and know they are God given, but I don't know who I am apart from those titles. You get so caught up in doing all what those titles require of you and somewhere in all of it you loose sight of who you are. A matter of fact the more I try to be better at each of those things I seem to feel as though I fail. Trying to be what everyone else needs me to be and not even considering who God created me to be. Gosh I don't even know what I really like to do or what my dreams are. It seems as my children are getting older the more unsettled I am getting. A lot of questions and not so many answers. Thank you for sharing this. Just knowing someone else has felt the same way and that I am not so crazy after all helps me and now I have a place to start, finding out why I am the way I am and that God created me to be like no other and that He has plans for me too. I have always told everyone else these things but I have never really applied it to me.
Kim
Hi Renee my name is Joan I received my first Devotional Encouragement For Today May 18/11. Relate to Becoming the Real me. Fits me to a "T".
Psalm 139:13 I have often shared with my family and close friends. I always feel reassure when in doubt. As to what my purpose here in life is meant to be. I look forward to Reading your new book. I am 67 and sure would like to know God's reason and plans he had in mind. When he created me and knit me together in my Mothers womb.
Praying I will be chosen to win a copy of this awesome book.
In Christian love
Joan
Thank you for reminding us that God created each of us special! Way too often we lose our identity. Taking time to allow God to reveal His plans and purpose for our lives is exciting. I am looking forward to reading your book!
It is so amazing how God has His perfect timing. As of late, I have been truly struggling with my place in His world. I am afraid that I too have not really held on to or ever really known my purpose. It has been a source of tremendous grief for me, because I have been surrounded by people who always knew. I have always just tried to fit in the shoes that I keep being presented with and I find I can walk around but I always feel that pinch of something not being right. It isn't really pleasant and seems more duty. Your gifts shouldn't feel like a duty.
Thank you for this post Renee. It truly was a blessing. I am looking forward to learning God's plan.
Renee can totally relate to your words in the short video as I have NO clue who I am or who God made me to be I don't even know what my own dreams are. I've never taken the time to try and know any of this about myself I've always been the women others want me to be and who I thought they wanted me to be, so THANK YOU. Christy
Renee,
I am so excited about the response to your book! God is going to use this book book to change so many lives!! Praise His Name!!
Love you,
Tammy
Thanks for the encouragement to find who God created me to be! And not just continue to wonder, "Who am I?" Confidence is definitely a struggle, so I look forward to reading your new book.
I'm 53 and wish I knew what God wanted me to be when I grow up. Time to find out, I'd say!
Shawn
I can't wait to read your book! Confidence is something I often struggle with. May God bless this book and use it to heal women that really need assurance from Jesus.
I'm working right now to find my place in the world and today's devotional resonated quite strongly. Thank you for the encouragement to keep seeking the Lord's purpose for my life.
Natalie
20 years ago, I had a brain aneurysm. Because I could not see, my self esteem was not affected. After I did see and some of the side effects became noticeable, THEN my self esteem plummeted. Six years after the aneurysm, I became friends with a fantastic man. He made me feel like a million dollars. Six years later, something happened and we were no longer on speaking terms. This devastated me. I am trying really hard to see myself and accept myself in Gocd's eyes instead of depending on a person. Thank you for your article and ahead of time, thank you for your book. I intend to buy a few copies.-jeannette
Thank you for sharing today's devotion. I need to be reminded that I am created for HIS purpose. I have to stop doubting and put my confidence in God.