Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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Here I am…Doubting Donna….I will be 60 yrs old this year and still lack confidence and struggle with who I am..I so much want to be the woman God wants me to be. After reading your post on my daily P31 devo, I followed your link as you hit the nail on the head and described me and my emotions exactly. I truly am seeking God's way in me:)
Thanks so much for this post, Renee. I've felt from a young age that God has called me to be a performer. It took me many, many years to have the confidence to follow that dream but I finally am. I believe I'm not just called to be an actress but to be a light in a very dark industry. It's very challenging at times. Thanks for this reminder that what I'm called to do isn't just some selfish pursuit but a desire that God placed in me from the time he knit me.
Todays devotional bought tears to my eyes as I prayed the prayer. I am 54 years old and have been seeking God about His purpose for my life. I am nearing retirement completing 37 years of work and I still don't know what my passion is. I have spent my life taking care of children and grandchildren and never discovered who I am or what I enjoy in life. Idella
I seem to endlessly search for who I am. Sometimes I sense the answer; often times not. I would love to read your book. Thank you for today's post. It really spoke to me.
Every devotion I read from you speaks directly to my heart, but this one was like an arrow to my soul! I find myself saying "get up, shake yourself off, and start again!", words that I have never embraced because of paralyzing fear of the unknown, and fear of failure. Thanks for the encouragement to seek God's will, and for the "push" I need to get going! I can't wait to read your book! – Melinda
Renee I am so excited about your new book! I just happened to click on this e-mail this morning and it was just what I needed to hear. There are days when I think I know who I am and where I am headed but then many days I think, "am I really who I am supposed to be? Am I doing what God wants me to do?" I think this book will really help me have more confidence about this issue. I would love to share it with the ladies at my church. Thanks for your encouraging words this morning!
It is so sad that we are raised in the world to believe we all need to fit a perfect mold, ie Barbie, and when we do not fit that mold we are crushed and we shove away who we are and what we desire to become for that Barbie desire. I do not know why the world has created this strong desire for commoness and putting down uniqueness, but as women we need to embrace that uniqueness and run with the dream that God put in our heart as you said. That is so encouraging to know that there is a very special dream inside of me that God put there and desires that I live out. That means I am special and so is everyone else in their own way. I pray that we change the worldly view around us and show other women that each are made perfectly unique by GOD and to embrace that.
Ever feel as if you are in a desert? Bland, blah, nothingness? thats where I am. I am 44 and feel as if I have wasted my life away taking care of other people, pleasing, doing the "right" thing, keeping the peace. I keep thinking there is more….something just for me. Most of the time I feel as if I don't fit anywhere. I've had this longing…restlessness in my heart for some time now for something different. Thank you for the devotion. I look forward to reading the book. Melanie McKinley [email protected]
Thank you for your entry in Proverbs 31 – was meant to read it today as I haven't thought about what God's plans for me are besides being a wife and mother and other relationships.
Christin
Your devotion really struck home with me…especially as I had just gotten off the scale and was a bit frustrated!! I have this conversation with my husband frequently…what is the thing that God has gifted me with…and how do I figure that out! As a 32 year old stay at home/homeschooling mommy of 2 children, it is so hard to stop in the midst of all that and figure out what I am really gifted in. I get caught up in the game of comparison with other women who I feel are smarter, prettier, more talented, and just end up feeling like I am not good at anything. Thank you for reminding me that God made me in HIS image and made me unique…exactly the way He wanted. Looking forward to reading your book!
I have been praying for this information.
This book sounds like something I need to read!
Kelly
Today's devotion truly spoke to my heart. The more I read, the more emotional I became. I am clueless in regards to the "real me." I have always, always been a people pleaser. What saddens my heart the most is my daughter is following in my footsteps. It's time for me to discover my identity in Christ and who He created me to be. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story. I look forward to reading the book.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Thank-you. The question you shared about what would you do if finances & failure were not a problem, really turned a light on for me. I too have no answer. I have neglected myself to meet the needs of others- thinking that was the godly thing to do. Thank-you for opening my eyes to the fact that I need to be who God created and wants me to be, and I'm doing a disservice to mysel and others by ignoring that.
Here I am…Doubting Donna…and I will be 60 yrs old this year and I am still lack confidence and struggle daily on who I am and where & what & how God wants me. After reading your post at my daily devo on Proverbs 31, I followed on to your link as you hit the nail on the head and described me and my emotions. I do so much want to seek the woman God wants me to be!
I love it when I read a devotion so close to my life. I am at a point in my life where learning who I am is the forefront of my daily life. My husband of almost 20 years died two years ago, I was 18 when we meet, and our daughter has recently turned 18 and is in some ways anxious to leave the nest. I now have the time to sit back and take a true look at who I am and how I can use that to make a differnce.
Renee, The devotional on the Proverbs 31 email that was taken from your book could have been written by me. In fact, I am starting today to ask God what His dreams are for my life. This may seem strange to some as I am almost 63 years old, but I know that it is never too late with God. Thank you for sharing. Susan
What u said hit home. I too have found that I am so busy that I miss the fact that we are all different and created that way for a reason. When living with a family of seven that is a good thing to remember. Thanks-Olivia
When i get lost in caretaking, i live life just doing the next thing. I again realized that "without vision the people perish". i have never dreamed of what could be…."with God all things are possible". Thanks for a new courage to ask…
Hallelujah, Renee, looks like you have hit a quick in all of us that is important to God! I am recently divorced from my 40 year old marriage and at 62 am seeking how God will complete His years in me. Having lived in Him and Him in me since I was 27 years old, He has grown me up through many hardships and happy-ships, so I know He has something special for the rest of my life. Thank you for pointing us…Onward Christian Sisters!