Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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Hi Renee,
I was encouraged by your devotion. It resonated with me in my heart, because I have been in that same position, in a woman’s gathering an ice breaker was introduced and I was the last person to share. I didn’t know what I could share that was interesting or unique about me. I am on a journey learning how to dream again and how to look ahead with hope. Learning who I really am in Christ. How much my Father loves me, delights in me, thinks about me with joy to the point that He sings over me. Knowing that He made me unique, just the way I am for a purpose. I am discovering that I do have preferences. In the past when asked what would I like, be it what to eat, where to sit, you name it my response was it doesn’t matter. I need to know my identity in Christ so I can use that knowledge to redefine my image of who I am. So I can embrace who I am, not afraid I am not good enough, significant or worthy. It is hard to believe that I could be addicted to approval from other people to feel good about myself but that was what pushed me to please others all my life. Now I know what really matters is what my heavenly Father says about me, is my life pleasing to him? Is my heart right? Am I motivated by love? Am I thinking thoughts that line up with His word and what He says about me? His opinion should be my reference point, my firm foundation. Praise God, Beth
I loved the P31 devotion today by you! It was something I truly needed to hear. I get so bogged down in the people pleasing that I sometimes forget about my goals and dreams.
Sure needed this today. Like many, I've been caught up in the busyness and need to step back and that I'm following God.
God has a plan for each of us and once we really grasp that, it's liberating. All we have to do is surrender to that and embrace the fact that he is at work, delivering his plan minute by minute, day by day. If we surrender to him daily, his plan naturally flows into our lives. It is in this surrender, that our need to be like others, to compare, etc. dissolves.
Thank you for your insights.
Re K.
shared your post on my facebook page too!
WOW! My family is temporarily living with my in-laws and my MIL and I were debating our differences in personalities/abilities/attitudes as they relate to homemaking. She in the most polite/loving way (or was it)told me I need to learn how to clean (she's a perfectionist. never anything undone or dirty in our outside of her house).I started feeling a little insecure and then opened my email to this. Thank you!
Oh my goodness…where to begin? I signed up for P31 encouragement emails yesterday! Your encouragement "Becoming the Real Me" was the first one I received… holy cow. I felt like I was looking in a mirror… I'm about to be 32 and I have NO idea what my dreams are… This is definitely a line I am going to pursue! Thank you!
As a pastor's wife I could certainly relate to your devotional. Somtimes I'm so "busy" doing what's expected I forget who I really should be pleasing and that's God. When you are a God pleaser you will meet your purpose! Thanks for reminding me, Praise the LORD! Cheryl
[email protected]
I loved your devotion today. I am struggling with my job. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but that's not financially possible right now. I used to love coming to work but now I found myself dreading it, and nothing has really changed but me. I feel that God is calling me to switch careers, but I don't know what to! I had an amazing job I interviewed for, but did not get, so I find myself wondering if not that job, what job? I'm just trying to trust in God that he will reveal to me in his time what his next step for my life is and know that he created me for a purpose to glorify him. Thank you for reminding me of that today!
My daughter is making plans for what she wants to do with her life and I still don't know what I am supposed to do with mine. How can I help her when I can't do it for myself?
Desperate Mom
I have grown up hearing how God has made each one of us unique and can use each one of us but still have not figured out how God can use me. What are my gifts? what do I like to do? I don't even have dreams any more because I have given up trying to figure out what God can really do with me. I know fear of failure holds me back but I want to find out what God sees in me and what He created me to be. Your devotion has given me hope once again that I can dream. I want to dream and I want God to use me. I just don't know in which direction I should go
I read the devotionals ready. this is important to me now as I retire from the full-time workforce after 30 years and enter on a new phase of my life. I plan to homeschool my daughter through her four years of HS and want to continue to be open to God's desires for my life.
I shared the link for your blog/devotional on Facebook.
Thanks! Becci
I loved this post and devotional today! I'm still learning how to just be me. Thanks for the encouragement!
I am forwarding your link via FBook.
I will definitely share this on my facebook page….
Just Lost
Felicite Thompson
[email protected]
I am forwarding your link via FBook.
Your article and blog really resonated with me this morning. I have been searching my heart and soul (with God's help) for several years now, trying to discover 'myself' in there somewhere. I am 55 years old and He has given me so many creative talents, which fill me with such joy when I can use them, but so far I have had very little time (or resources) to use them as more than just a hobby, or a distraction to retreat to when I am weary from work and the world. I desire so much more! I am praying that God would lead me to His purpose in giving me these gifts. I, too, used to compare myself to others (and still battle with that way more than I should) but I am struggling with trying to find the woman He wants me to become. And I feel so trapped where I am, so imprisoned by a business that demands all my time and energy, that I have so little left for what truly brings me joy, I find myself looking around and asking, what can I (should I) be doing differently to bring about change in my life? And so far, I am clueless. The answers are not coming. So I am 'waiting on the Lord' and trying my best not to burnout before He answers. Thank you and bless you, Renee, for the encouragement. Linda M.
I added your link to my Facebook page!
Blessings,
Peggy
I love hearing from you! What you have to say matters to me. In fact, your words and stories encourage me to keep sharing mine.
Off and on this has been my story through my life. There have been times I've had the confidence and that's when I'm living in the Spirit but in the flesh, I'm full of self doubt. I also have a husband that adds fuel to the fire making me doubt myself. When I stay connected with my sisters in Christ, they encourage me but too many times my life is still focused on performance. Need to get this book when it comes out.
Thanks, Renee.
This is a topic I have been dealing with for a few years now. I don't know "how" to put my needs, and God's plan for me, before my family and friends. It acutally scares me to even write the words. It makes me feel ashamed that I would put myself before others. This is a book I need to read, and know that God wanted me to see this today. Thank you!
How wonderful it is that I found your blog! I have been praying lately that GOD guide me to the place HE wants me to go! What talents does he want me to utilize in order to fulfill his dreams and purpose for me AND for him? My mind gets discombobulated with all different thoughts and ideas and it's hard to decide exactly which path to take…and I end up running in circles! I need GOD to help me stay focused so I can begin the path he has planned for me! Thank you for your encouragement! I can't wait to read your book….maybe I will be picked to win!! God bless you!
Your book sounds like just what I need to help me "move on" in my life. I have always struggled with poor self image and self doubt. I was married to a man (a pastor!) that encouraged that self doubt by telling me that I was really not adequate in most areas. He chose to divorce me about 7 years ago. Since then I helped and arranged for help for my aging Mother who went home to be with the Lord about a year ago. I just feel really lost at this time. No home church (divorced former pastor's wives aren't often welcomed with open arms!)and just trying to figure out what purpose God has for me. Thank you for listening.
This devotion really hit home with me. my "real" mother wants nothing to do with me; from the age of birth I was sexual, mentally and emotionally abused. Then I got married; everyone said I was a blessing but he decided to divorce me in 2010. i have a boyfriend and i did work at their family business & the same things were said u r a blessing to this family but as of yesterday I have no job; no vehicle..woke up not feeling like a blessing to anyone. I'm lost & I don't know what to do….
"I felt like you were talking about me when I read your post!! I am 27 and just now trying to figure out my "purpose." I have never felt like I am good enough or good at anything along with CONSTANTLY comparing myself to every woman that crosses my path. But what you have said opened my eyes and made me realize that I am a Masterpiece. Thank you."
(Sorry, forgot to include my name, Jessica T.)
I am at this place in my life now at 51 years old! I am excited to continue on this journey of learning who I am as God's girl!
Many Thanks & Blessings,
Peggy
I felt like you were talking about me when I read your post!! I am 27 and just now trying to figure out my "purpose." I have never felt like I am good enough or good at anything along with CONSTANTLY comparing myself to every woman that crosses my path. But what you have said opened my eyes and made me realize that I am a Masterpiece. Thank you.
I have never had the words for the way I have felt all of these years, but I sit here with tears inmy eyes because I realize that you have given me those words. Thank you! This has encouraged me to begin seeking and stop comparing.
At 40, I feel overwhelmed with discovering my purpose – a task I should have accomplished many, many years ago! Looking forward to your book!
-Nina
I am soon to be 60, and believe I have had a good, fulfilling life. Yet your thoughts today have penetrated my heart and made me stop to ask God, "Am I being who You made me to be?" I think so often I focus on 'what I am doing' and not on 'who I am being'. Thanks for making me think….and pray!
As a women's ministry leader I battle with low confidence alot but through your words and others praying for me I have seen God building that confidence up in me.
I know he loves me and has made me the way I am just for this purpose.
Thank you!
Sharon
Renee,
Thank you so much for your devotional today. I was just asking God to help with to stop comparing myself with one of my close friends who seems to have everything together, her family, her finances, her home etc…My comparing us is hurting me and our relationship. I do not want that in my life. I want to be all that God created me to be and be completely satisfied with that and not ever compare myself with others. I do not want to be insecure in myself anymore but be secure in who God created me to be.
Thank you so much for ministering to me today…
Your description of that meeting made me start to sweat – I HATE those kinds of questions, but I never knew why – until now. I would consume this book and savor every word; then pass it on to all of the women in my homeschool group.
Marybeth
We sometimes forget that we have been created by God for a special purpose which He had ordained for us before time began. For those of us who are/have been in ministry, we can also be shoved into areas that we are not created to be in. We must learn who we are in Christ and know who we are in the ministry of the Kingdom so that we can complete the Body as the Part that God created us to be. How stressful it is trying to be the 'leg' when God has created us to be an 'arm.' After reading P31 for today I realized that I need to revisit who I am in the Body in order to be the most effective for the Body of Christ.
Thank you so much for allowing God to use you to be an encouragement to others. Today's devotion "Becoming the Real Me" was used by God to answer prayer for something special just for me from HIS word. Your willingness to share your heart is a blessing.
Carmelita
Thank you Renee for addressing this issue. I am a 43-year-old woman who has recently described myself as a "chameleon" – one who changes to blend into each background. I recently have been looking into this realization, that I 'change' myself according to who I am with, what their likes and dislikes are, etc. I too, like you mentioned in your devotional, would not be able to answer that question about myself. I don't know that I have a passion for anything. I very much look forward to reading your Confidence book. Thank you, again.
~Kelly
I am 47 years old and still struggle every day with who God wants me to be. What was I meant to do? What situations am I meant to affect. How can I stay in the Word every day so that God can lead me to the place I am meant to be? How can I make my light go from dim to BRIGHT?! All of this self-doubt is just exhausting. I am looking so forward to reading A Confident Heart. I hope it speaks to me and so many other women still struggling with finding direction.
I shared your devotion on facebook. Thanks
Jennifer
I am 59 years old and I am still searching for the woman that God created me to be. Unfortunately I am seeing the same traits in my 25 year old daughter. Looking forward to your book. Thank you for sharing your struggle.
This was so timely for me. I have been feeling lately like I don't measure up as a Pastor's wife. As I have questioned why God called me to this, your devotion reminded me that He called me because I am His, and He has work for me to do, the way He created ME. Thank you for your encouraging words.
Jennifer
Ha ha – I am at the grand old age of 51 and still am not sure of what God wants me to be when I grow up! I have felt without a "passion" for far too long. I wish I could sit on my Father's lap and for him just to tell me what He has made me to be. In the meantime I will just pray!
I've always known what I enjoyed doing , and accidentally stumbled on what direction God wanted me to take. But my real concern is for my better half. I pray God guides him to his purpose soon.
I will be posting this to my fb account
Just started reading P31 this week. It has been so encouraging and now this today — so good and timely. Psalm 139:13 has a whole new meaning and it gives me hope. I feel like I live my husband's life and so desire to be who I was created to be. It is hard as my confidence gets shot down alot. Maybe your book would be good.
I am 44 and have no clue what I want to be. Would love to read this book so that I can figure out what I want to be.
I was so touched by what you said today. I have said so many times that I don't know myself and I could not answer the question, "what are your hopes and dreams?" I long to find out about myself and what God made me to do. It helped me a lot to know I am not the only one who stuggles with these issues. Thank you for being so honest and open!!!
Thank you so much for this post! It is so comforting to know that I'm not the only person who has self doubt and struggles with not knowing who I am. But it is even more comforting to know it doesn't have to be this way. I don't have to live in it. I'm really looking forward to this book!
~Carmen
Renee, I shared your post on my fb page.
Thanks,
Susan
Wow! This topic really speaks to many women! Look at all the comments, this alone is a comfort for me. So many women I know are so driven. Knowing what they want to do and what their dreams are. I was struggling with this not having a dream but also not having the time to figure out what my dream should be. 5 kids and husband keeping me more than busy. Life is just too busy. The quote from Yogi Berra keeps coming to mind: If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. Ultimately I do know where I am going: home with Savior. Maybe I was created to be a good mom and wife both of which seem in question after husband had affair and daughter had baby in her teens. So I just keep going with the only purpose being to live this day to my best ability and to honor my lord and savior. I would like a dream but maybe that would just be more disappointment when you know it can't be full filled. Melody
I'm really excited about your new book coming out, because this is something I have really been struggling with. I know that God has a plan for me and I want to know the woman he intended me to be.