Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I thought I knew my purpose my entire life ? I was a confident outspoken sometimes to a fault women.I was living the dream or so I thought? Then 2 years ago everything came screeching to a halt. I've been trying to recover ever since….The one gift that I thought was my God given gift that I've based my entire being on I am now being told i'm not good enough at any longer? Was I confused or misled I thought I had that Talent everone said I did & now I'm being told I don't have it ? I try to not compare myself to others but what is they have that I no longer pocess that they get to do the very thing that my heart aches to do? I pray & ask God to help me to find rest just in being His beloved child & it works for a while, but only a while & I get smacked in the face again with Those words your not good enough they just keep echoing in my mind.Why do I give other peoples words more Power over me than God's Words? I guess to be honest I'm scared to dream again because I couldn't bare to have the rug swept out from me again. And what my heart aches to do I;m being told I can't do.And now writing this I feel so self serving so pety I'm in constant limbo trying to give up my will for God's will and feel left in limbo and as confused as ever.
Afraid to dream
Unlike some of the others, I needed this years ago. I am the usual 39 at 64. In the later years all I've been able to say about myself is that God has shown me how to LOVE. I do that very deeply and to almost all I meet. I am so disappointed when I cannot ALWAYS come up with a devotional that really flows. I admire all of you speakers and writers. Believing God!
After reading the P31 for the day, it made me think about what I would do to, its one of those loaded questions, but I know doing things you love will make you happy! Melissa
Thank you for reminding me that I am special to the Lord. I have always had issues with who I am, and who people expect me to be.
I grew up as a PK and now I am a pastor's wife. I have put pressure on myself trying to live up to people's expectations. I try so hard not to let this change who I am and how I live my life. You have encouraged me to please God and fullfill His purpose in my life. Looking forward to reading the book!!
I can so relate to your post today. I wonder if I'll ever be who I'm suppose to be. Right now I feel like I'm in the firey furnace and not sure how much more I can take. I know God is working on me I just wish he would hurry up.
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As I read this devotional today, I felt like God was talking directly to me. For years I have struggled with who I am and what my passion in life is. I've been living my life trying to be what others want me to be. I can't wait for God to reveal His true plan for my life.
Kacy
I would love to win a copy of your book! Been on this quest for purpose for as long as I can remember.
I was abused as a child then married an abuser. For a long time I thought I was useless,ugly and had no reason for living. Then in 2003 a samll voice came to me and said " I didn't pur u hear on earth to be treated like this". That is when I started reading who God says I am and since then believing who God says I am. I am now happly married with 3 beautiful children and with God first in my families life and us beleiveing. That we are His children.heir to His throne. We can be anything we want . We r his children and he only wants the best for his children.
Um missed my name for "belong to Christ, but am lost to myself"
~Shera VanGoor
I will post this on my facebook page!!! Yay for sharing!!
I have always heard that God places you where you need to be when you need to be there. Your blog was on my email and ready for me to open just at the RIGHT time. I have been struggling for years with "who I am" and "where do I fit in as a Christian woman". I've had many, many ups and downs the past few years that I thought I had it all figured out and then…"boom"…it comes crashing down and I'm back where I started, asking God, "ok, where do we go from here?"
I am anxious and ready to read your book and finally realize that I am a Christian woman who lives for our loving God first and foremost and He will lead me to where I need to be if I just listen for His direction.
Thank you!
I am the same way. I feel that I never really thought about what I want to do. My worldly desires I had before I came to the Lord have melted away and now I have no idea!!
I am 29 years old. Single. Overweight and I feel invisible. I know God has a plan but I just cant see what it is. I've always had to be the strong one in my family and that has taken its toll to where if there isnt a crisis going on then I dont know what to do. I like my job but I dont love it and I really have no clue what I want with the rest of my life. But I do know this… I want to find out what my purpose is. Since your book doesnt come out in July and if you feel someone needs the copy more than I, can you suggest some other reading until then? Cause I feel like I need something now. Thanks, Melissa
What do others want/expect of me – is a question that follows me. I continue to struggle with "what's God's desire/dream/purpose for me". What are my gifts and what do I really like/want to do. I feel like I just keep muddling through life.
Ann
Thank you for your devotional today. For the past few weeks, it has hit me that I don't have a dream. I think for years, I have been afraid to dream, to want something, thinking it was wrong. Now, at 45, I am praying for God to show me his dream and plan for my life! I am trying to overcome my fear and doubt about myself and know that God is in control! I am looking forward to your book. Thanks again, Amy
I'm in my 40's and still don't know what I want to be or do with my life. I belong to Christ, but am lost to myself! Would love to read your book.
Renee,
I am 49 and keep waiting for that time in my life when I'm comfortable with me. It's not happening. I think its because I don't know me. I, too, am a people pleaser who does what I'm expected to do. I find myself more worried, not less, about what other people think or say. I would love to read your book and maybe try to find myself.
Thank you for sharing today. As a wife and mother, I am often left with the feeling of "is this all". I love my husband and children but I feel I have so much more to offer others also. Fear often stands in the way. I pray that God will reveal to me "what else" he has called me to do and that He will give me the confidence to step out in faith to do it.
wow! i used to have confidence in what i was to be doing for God; something got lost along the way! thank you for this post and p31's message. i may be able to put my finger on why i've felt so "undecided" about things for so long! praise God 🙂 i would love to have your book and pass along a couple to friends i believe are struggling along with me! thank you! Angela B.
I thought I was the only 47 year old who did not know what she wanted to be when she grew up.
Angie
Here I am…Doubting Donna….I will be 60 yrs old this year and still lack confidence and struggle with who I am..I so much want to be the woman God wants me to be. After reading your post on my daily P31 devo, I followed your link as you hit the nail on the head and described me and my emotions exactly. I truly am seeking God's way in me:)
Thanks so much for this post, Renee. I've felt from a young age that God has called me to be a performer. It took me many, many years to have the confidence to follow that dream but I finally am. I believe I'm not just called to be an actress but to be a light in a very dark industry. It's very challenging at times. Thanks for this reminder that what I'm called to do isn't just some selfish pursuit but a desire that God placed in me from the time he knit me.
Todays devotional bought tears to my eyes as I prayed the prayer. I am 54 years old and have been seeking God about His purpose for my life. I am nearing retirement completing 37 years of work and I still don't know what my passion is. I have spent my life taking care of children and grandchildren and never discovered who I am or what I enjoy in life. Idella
I seem to endlessly search for who I am. Sometimes I sense the answer; often times not. I would love to read your book. Thank you for today's post. It really spoke to me.
Every devotion I read from you speaks directly to my heart, but this one was like an arrow to my soul! I find myself saying "get up, shake yourself off, and start again!", words that I have never embraced because of paralyzing fear of the unknown, and fear of failure. Thanks for the encouragement to seek God's will, and for the "push" I need to get going! I can't wait to read your book! – Melinda
Renee I am so excited about your new book! I just happened to click on this e-mail this morning and it was just what I needed to hear. There are days when I think I know who I am and where I am headed but then many days I think, "am I really who I am supposed to be? Am I doing what God wants me to do?" I think this book will really help me have more confidence about this issue. I would love to share it with the ladies at my church. Thanks for your encouraging words this morning!
It is so sad that we are raised in the world to believe we all need to fit a perfect mold, ie Barbie, and when we do not fit that mold we are crushed and we shove away who we are and what we desire to become for that Barbie desire. I do not know why the world has created this strong desire for commoness and putting down uniqueness, but as women we need to embrace that uniqueness and run with the dream that God put in our heart as you said. That is so encouraging to know that there is a very special dream inside of me that God put there and desires that I live out. That means I am special and so is everyone else in their own way. I pray that we change the worldly view around us and show other women that each are made perfectly unique by GOD and to embrace that.
Ever feel as if you are in a desert? Bland, blah, nothingness? thats where I am. I am 44 and feel as if I have wasted my life away taking care of other people, pleasing, doing the "right" thing, keeping the peace. I keep thinking there is more….something just for me. Most of the time I feel as if I don't fit anywhere. I've had this longing…restlessness in my heart for some time now for something different. Thank you for the devotion. I look forward to reading the book. Melanie McKinley [email protected]
Thank you for your entry in Proverbs 31 – was meant to read it today as I haven't thought about what God's plans for me are besides being a wife and mother and other relationships.
Christin
Your devotion really struck home with me…especially as I had just gotten off the scale and was a bit frustrated!! I have this conversation with my husband frequently…what is the thing that God has gifted me with…and how do I figure that out! As a 32 year old stay at home/homeschooling mommy of 2 children, it is so hard to stop in the midst of all that and figure out what I am really gifted in. I get caught up in the game of comparison with other women who I feel are smarter, prettier, more talented, and just end up feeling like I am not good at anything. Thank you for reminding me that God made me in HIS image and made me unique…exactly the way He wanted. Looking forward to reading your book!
I have been praying for this information.
This book sounds like something I need to read!
Kelly
Today's devotion truly spoke to my heart. The more I read, the more emotional I became. I am clueless in regards to the "real me." I have always, always been a people pleaser. What saddens my heart the most is my daughter is following in my footsteps. It's time for me to discover my identity in Christ and who He created me to be. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story. I look forward to reading the book.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Thank-you. The question you shared about what would you do if finances & failure were not a problem, really turned a light on for me. I too have no answer. I have neglected myself to meet the needs of others- thinking that was the godly thing to do. Thank-you for opening my eyes to the fact that I need to be who God created and wants me to be, and I'm doing a disservice to mysel and others by ignoring that.
Here I am…Doubting Donna…and I will be 60 yrs old this year and I am still lack confidence and struggle daily on who I am and where & what & how God wants me. After reading your post at my daily devo on Proverbs 31, I followed on to your link as you hit the nail on the head and described me and my emotions. I do so much want to seek the woman God wants me to be!
I love it when I read a devotion so close to my life. I am at a point in my life where learning who I am is the forefront of my daily life. My husband of almost 20 years died two years ago, I was 18 when we meet, and our daughter has recently turned 18 and is in some ways anxious to leave the nest. I now have the time to sit back and take a true look at who I am and how I can use that to make a differnce.
Renee, The devotional on the Proverbs 31 email that was taken from your book could have been written by me. In fact, I am starting today to ask God what His dreams are for my life. This may seem strange to some as I am almost 63 years old, but I know that it is never too late with God. Thank you for sharing. Susan
What u said hit home. I too have found that I am so busy that I miss the fact that we are all different and created that way for a reason. When living with a family of seven that is a good thing to remember. Thanks-Olivia
When i get lost in caretaking, i live life just doing the next thing. I again realized that "without vision the people perish". i have never dreamed of what could be…."with God all things are possible". Thanks for a new courage to ask…
Hallelujah, Renee, looks like you have hit a quick in all of us that is important to God! I am recently divorced from my 40 year old marriage and at 62 am seeking how God will complete His years in me. Having lived in Him and Him in me since I was 27 years old, He has grown me up through many hardships and happy-ships, so I know He has something special for the rest of my life. Thank you for pointing us…Onward Christian Sisters!
When i get lost in caretaking, i live life just doing the next thing. I again realized that "without vision the people perish". i have never dreamed of what could be…."with God all things are possible". Thanks for a new courage to ask…
I am sharing this on my FB page for others to be blessed 🙂
Thank you for your devotion today, you have been hitting the nail on the head for me lately! I've really been bothered by how I compare myself to co-workers and friends. I have begun to see the damage it is doing to me and some relationships. The prayer at the end of your devotion is great and helpful for me to begin praying specifically about this issue. And, I always love reading Ps 139:13, it puts this kind of thing into perspective for me. Thx, Jacquie ([email protected])
Yes I am definitely sharing your devotion on Facebook!
God bless,
Heather
Reading your devotional really hit home! I do think it is a struggle to do what you (think) you need to do and be for others, while at the same time recognizing our own true self and needs.
Anna
My daughter and I have fought alot lately. I told her this morning that today I would try to understand her more and that she do the same with me. Our problem – my expectations. I wanted all As in school and even though she is a JR in high school I still email all teachers and make frequent appearances at school.
I need to LET GO & LET GOD help her decide what her purpose is….not mine.
what an incredible and much needed topic in th elives of every woman! I would love to read this book, renee and share it with other woman who struggle to know the love God has for them and how powerfully He can use them!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about finding the
"Real You". You blessed me!
From Susan
You give me a lot to think about. I think I have been one of those that tries to be what everyone else wants me to be. If only I had the resources to do what I would like. I allow the busyness of every day rob me of what I wnat to do but I have to support my family. time to read your book and do some real soul searching.
Your message spoke to the deepest places in my spirit. I have spent my entire life trying to be who everyone else needed me to be and have only just realized that I have not honored God's plan for my life. It is with a renewed sense of excitement in His word that I am embarking on a journey to know myself and to believe that I am not being selfish by doing so. Seeking His plan for me is indeed a form of worship and praise. Please pray for my journey. He made me and I am indeed wonderful! Halleluiah!!! Paige