Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I can't wait to read both of your books. I struggle with who I am and should be in Gods eyes.
Please enter me in the drawing Renee. I feel like God is speaking to me through your devotion today and want to hear more!
God bless you!
Heather
I am learning to be grateful and confident in who God has made me. I am dealing with anger against others and self for changing myself to please others or fit in. I somehow forgot who God told me I was and who I was made for, Himself but I am asking God to give me ears to hear again.
Wow, your P31 devo today is right in line with what I've beeen thinking and praying lately! I have some dreams and ideas, but I have fear and lack confidence too. What I've been praying about though, is that God would lead and direct and show me the plans He has for me; where is it He wants me and what is it He wants me doing with the gifts He's given me and the unique way He's made me.
Thanks for the affirmation!
I am in a place in my life where I desire a higher, inner righteousness not based on outward experience. I want to follow hard after the Lord. I have not always been grateful over the person God made me but I am learning to be confident in who He made me and who He made me for, Himself.
A much needed devotional for me today as I am struggling with several issues going on in my life. I am 51 and have struggled with worry and doubt for most of my life.
When you are in the storms of life, you really doubt your self worth and why God has you where you are.
A wonderful devotion and prayer as I never thought of asking God to reveal my dream HE has for me. Thank for you all your encouragement and sharing what God has done and is doing through you.
Dierdre
I would love to read your new book. I think all women struggle with this issue.
Thanks,
K
Simply amazing how connected we all are. Can't wait to read your book!
It was a relief to know that I am not the only thirty-something woman who has no idea what she's good at or what she's passionate about. I never thought of asking God what His dreams are for me; I didn't even know that He had dreams. It's so uplifting to know that it's never too late to figure out who I am.
This was very good for me to read. I have been trying to be someone else my whole life and now i am 25 yrs. old.The hardest part is i compare myself with my best friend all the time. I am going to being praying for what Gods dreams and goals are for me becuase right now i am in a place where I am stuck in life and not moving foward
I forgot to leave my name. I was "anonymous" at 8:50 AM.
Thanks, Becci
I really needed to hear this today!I just had a conversation with my hubby last night about everything I am doing and nobody seems happy. That's the problem though right, I'm not supposed to be trying to make everyone happy am I. I'm 41 and have stayed at home with my children since birth. My oldest is graduating this year and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be about is screaming at me…….Brenda
This devotional spoke to me as a woman trying to help her husband find his dream. He loves God with all of his heart but has never found the freedom of satisfaction that you are following your dreams that God put in your heart. I am going to encourage him to continue searching and listen to God to find that dream.
This is so me! are you a fly on my heart wall, Renee? Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder of who I truly am! Cynthia
I would love your book!
Sarah
Wow! I read today's devotion and then followed your blog. Talk about stepping on toes. I needed that though. I am 37 and find myself wondering who i really am. I, too, always seem to do as other's want me to do and be. I look forward to trying your suggestions and actually listening for God's answer of who he wants me to be. Thank you so much. Can't wait to read your book.
God has been working with me on this very topic over the past week. This devotional is confirmation for me that I am on the right track! I have just finished 20 years in the military, and I am wondering who/what am I supposed be now? I have been what everyone else has wanted or needed me to be and now I have no idea of who I really am. God is opening doors and leading me through some fantastic teaching this past week! I will definately read this book!
thank you!
Chris
Kathy
As I read through this devotion it rang so true to me. I spend a lot of time being what others need me to be and changing my hats to fit that need. It was a wake up call to not just continue in the craziness of life but to reevaluate and make sure my focus is falling in step with my heavenly father. Much needed devotion, thank you.
Thank you for your encouragement in this matter. I have often found myself not knowing what I was "meant" to do. I continually pray for God to make me the woman He created me to be. Today, however, I stopped and thought about what I love. You have inspired me to do just that. Thank you again. God Bless!
I am a very real person but over the years I have struggled with many problems. I have been meditating in the Lord for quite a few months now. I was save as a teenager with my twin sister and one of our friends at our lighted cross at night in the front of our church. The Lord told me to go there and pray and we 3 went. We prayed that GOD WOULD SAVE US AND HE DID IN A MIGHTY WAY. I STRAYED FROM THAT MANY TIMES SINCE THEN BUT THE Lord is my Rock now. I feel a calling to go into young menastry and woman prisions. I was abused badly before christmas 2010 by my husband. It was rape in the night and I don't recall any of it. I had to have a 3 hour surgery on my rt. Shoulder and bicept muscle and have been in thearpy every since. We seperated for a few months and I felt the Lord telling me our marriage was not over. Yet with his screaming at me over the phone, many times, I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. He came over one night and as humble as I could be I told him that I had nothing in me annymore.I had no clue what the Lord was about to do. He fell to his knees after a very prideful minute or more and cried like a baby. He was praying and crying to God. I was just ready for him to get over it at the time. He then went to the floor in a fetal position and continued. He ask me to put my hand on him and pray. I thought to myself ," it couldn't hurt". I did just that and prayed also that God show me what to do. I heard the Lord say Lgive him another chance and it felt as if my heart was filled with a gallon of warm water and my Love for hik returned. We had revival at our church during that time and it has turned our life around 180 o. We. Both feel a calling to move to the Mountians 5 hrs. Away but don't even have the funds topay our phone and lights that r due in just a couple of days. I want to finally do what God has plans for me in my life and it is now up to Him. For I am following his wishes and desires in my life. I would love a copy of your book for I feel it qill help me in my ministry. God bless you all.
I really related to your devotion today. I really have no idea who I am. Thank you for making me realize I need to find out.
I can totally identify with the feelings of fear and shame of not having an answer for those types of questions. Sometimes we get so caught up in life and with life that we forget that God created us "fearfully and wonderfully".
This sounds like exactly what I need to hear! For too long, I have been hiding in my busyness of raising 4 children and doing all the things I thought I was supposed to be doing (i.e. homeschooling, being a "good" mom, etc.) but I am pretty miserable (trying to be who I think others want me to be or trying to please others more than God) and I don't really know who I am or what my God-given gifts are. I'd like to find out and enjoy the freedom of who God made me to be!
Thank you for your article. I do want to find out who God made me to be and I definitely need to take time to think about the dreams God has for me also.
I like this devotion today, it really makes you stop and think if you are doing God's will and what you as person desire in your heart. After all he gives you those desires!
Reading your devotion today really hit home with me. I am 47 years old and have never had a dream of my own. I have always been there to do for everyone else and make sure everyone else is happy and they have what they need. I will start praying to day that God will show me what His dreams are for me. I thought I was the only one who felt this way! Thank you for sharing this with me.
Still at age 53 I ask myself what do I want to be when I grow up. By the end of this year 3 of my 4 children will be married, it has been a great road. I homeschooled them all through high school graduation. Three have graduated college, 1 has his masters degree. More importantly they have a relationship with Christ! I could not be more proud and thankful for these wonderful people (my Children) and all that they have given to me. Now comes another time of my life. What DOES God want me to do? What does GOD want me to do? What does God want ME to do?
Wow!! You want to talk about hitting the nail on the head! I find myself constantly trying to be who other's want me to me and ignoring the inner voice that says I'm my own person. In fact, I don't even know who my own person is. I look forward to using your suggestions and listening to God instead of others to find me. Thank you so much. Can't wait for your book to come out.
so thought provoking….I never really stopped to examine my dreams or purpose. Thanks for sparking this thought…
You spoke to my heart today…I can't wait to read your new book. I am 50 years old and have been asking myself those questions alot lately. I find myself excited about what God has in store for me. Thank you for putting into words what I've been feeling and pointing me in the right direction. – Pam
Thank you for this! I've been thinking a lot about "what I want to be when I grown up" lately. At 37, I thought I would know but I don't. After reading Proverbs 31 Ministries today, I realized that it's not what I want but what God wants me to be. This really spoke to my heart!
I came to your site by the P31 devotions I receive each morning. This really hit home with me. I have continually felt embarrased and ashamed that at the age of 36 I still don't know who I am or what I truly want to do. I'm stuck in a profession that I'm not at all happy with but I have no idea of what I would rather do with my life. I look forward to reading your book and pray the Lord will enlighten me as to his plan.
Thank you, Renee. I needed to hear this. I am a people pleaser and I always seem to morph into whatever it is others need me to be. I sometimes lose myself. I really do want to be the woman God created ME to be. I'm looking forward to reading your book!
Kristie M.
i dont know if ill win but i know this is for me. I constantly compare myself to others because i dont like who i am. Someone in my world was close to me was abusive and acted in a really evil way. and i thought if this person is so bad, i cannot possibly be any good. I wanted to be someone else, someone better. I know this goes aganist God, but I was desparately searching for the good when around me was all bad, abuse, domestic violence, anger racial hatred. It took a toll on my self esteem, thus i sought after ppl who did not value me, and what i had. What i had was a fad like being married to someone who looks a certain way may be popular. So guys would alway choose someone else, because those ppl 'were' in style' and i figured okay well what i got must not be very good since they leave to find somebody better. I valued ppl more than myself, because evrywhere i looked ppl told me what i had was bad or not good because of racism. How can this be when GOd said everything was GOOD. Even those ppl who you dont like. So self acceptance has been a real struggle for me, b/c those who were supposed to represent good in my growing up didn't so i thought that meant i wasnt either. I hope to come to accept how i've been created even if it isnt popular, or special or what is in popular demand. someone wants what i got even if its just God. I want to love who I am all of it and get over my hang-ups so i can do 'whatever it is i'm supposed to be doing.
Thank you for this post today; I am struggling with direction as my life circumstances have dramatically changed. I was just praying this morning for something to read that would help with my confidence of God's faithfulness–and this was my first email Prov 31 devotional. I think the answer was clear, so thank you.
I wish I had known you were going to be writing about ms today.
I'm 34, never had a real job, and my husband has just left me and our 2-year-old for another woman.
If I don't find out God's purpose for me now, I never will.
I just don't know how. I never have. I've done what I'm "supposed" to, but I don't know what's next.
Maybe your book can help.
Wow! This is so me. I have been struggling for the past few months with total self doubt and the comparison game. I have been praying for God to show me the way! Reading your post was a great way to start my day!
I can't wait for your book!
Amy E.
I hadn't thought of Ps 139:13 in the context of my dreams and being all I am. Thanks. Marcy Ganow
Your post hit me right over the head. I am at a loss after parting ways with the family business after 15 years! Plus – it wasn't a good split… I am LOVING being a Mom & volunterring, but feel God's calling for so much more…if I could just figure it out! I would LOVE to have the book, plus looking for a new Bible study for women's group.
As I sat down to do my own personal devotions this morning the first thing I said was Lord I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Please help me figure this out. Then later in the day I read your devotional. I had tears in my eyes as I identified with everything you shared. Here I am 47 years old and I don't know who I am or what God's purpose is for me. Yes, I know I am to continue being a good mom and wife, but I feel there is something more and I'm missing the boat. Thank you for the recommending readings and for sharing. It helps to know I'm not alone.
Thank you for your post and sharing God's word. I struggle with this every day…I really needed this today. Thank you!
What a blessing and encouragement to fill fear filled thinking with faith filled thinking and Trust in God. Breaking the chain in my upbringing and some of those around me.
I was just asking God about this very subject this morning. God is so good! He had this P31 devotional waiting for me…and apparently so many others. So thankful and so excited about your book!
Tanya
Thanks,
I needed that this morning. I think this book was written for me.
Thanks,
Kristy F.
Even at 44, I often wonder about God's purpose for me. I love the Lord and want to live for Him, but I am so often beaten down by self-doubt. I can't wait to read your book!
Wow Renee! Thanks so much do sharing hat I know is a God thing. I I've been WAY behind in my proceed 31 daily d's, but for some reason woke up early this morning and opened this one and read it. I am a college student searching for the major God intends for me to have,and have realized that all the majors j have tossed around have been to appease ither people. Such a slippery slope to slide down! This devo has found me in a silent house saying Lord use this insecure 19 year old to further your kingdom and to bring not myself, but you glory. Thanks so much! Can't wait to post on my facebook wall for other college questioners(:
wow…you are preachin' to the choir! I sooo relate to this topic, it is scary – and clearly there are many others as well. God is clearly leading me in this direction and I think it's about time I started walking down this path of discovery & healing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
This is exactly what I needed to read this morning along with your devo at Proverbs 31. I have been struggling with these very thoughts lately and feeling like I am the only one, because everyone else hides their emotion and I wear mine on my sleeves. I don't know who I am aside from a mom of three and each day is such a battle of my mind that i feel so all alone.
Thank You So Much for this Devotion and for the upcoming book. I can't wait to read it. I was just thinking this morning of how I didn't know where I fit in and what I should be doing when I was having my quiet time with God.Then I read your devotional and it was like God was speaking straight to my heart. I have Never figured out what it is God wanted me to do and have Always felt like a useless person.I know of several other women who could use this as well and will be recommending your book to them. PLEASE keep up the Great work you & Proverbs 31 Ministries are doing. What a Blessing y'all are.
Anita Wittkopp