Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I am going to post this on FB. Tammy
Renee,
This was exactly what I needed to hear (and read) today. My sisters and a group of women at church have just finished a Sunday school class and we're looking for another topic to study together. I think your book would be a perfect option to consider.
~ Mary M.
I just shook my head when I saw this today. God never fails to send something entirely relevant to my life or the life of someone I am walking beside just when I/we need it most. The video particularly resonated with a particular need right now. So many people are stuck in the person they've made themselves be and not the one they were created to be. Thanks for being God's messenger today.
Debbie
Dear Renee, Thank you for this devotion. I have struggled it seems all my life with finding my dream and comparing myself. I would love to win this book in hopes that I can move on and quit struggling. Thanks and God bless. Tammy
Wow- your truth-filled words really cut straight to my heart and has set my mind turning this morning. Time to explore these thoughts with my Heavenly Father!
It has been touching to see you and the other commentors laying bare this struggle. It sometimes feels like everyone else has it together but me, everyone else knows what they want except me. I've done the comparing thing for so long. I've recently quit a job that provided for me an identity or a feeling of importance. I am searching for what God wants for me. I want more than anything to be able to know but I do get impatient and struggle with going back to what is comfortable.
Thank you for this devotion. Psalm 139 has been a recurring theme this week for me. Blessings! Julie
I've had to answer questions about dreams before and I never knew what to say either. How do you have a grown up dream? After my divorce 3 years ago I realized I didn't know who I was? I'd always been something else to somebody else. I have been working on discovering my identity as a person and more importantly as a woman of God. His are the only expectations that I need to live up to. He loves me and created me to be the way I am. – Laura
Thank you Renee. I'm a military spouse and mom with 2 young children. I find myself getting "lost" on a daily basis anymore. I have noticed that not only does it hurt me, but my marriage and parenting as well. I've been struggling for balance through prayer and reflection. It helps, but I still wonder who I am sometimes. I've been blessed with multiple talents that I LOVE, but there is never time to work and develop them all.
I know I have other friends who feel the same way.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Also linking to you FB site for another chance to win!!!
I struggle with this, after being molested as a small child, almost kidnapped at 11, and date raped at 16, I didn't want to get to know the real me, I felt the real me made those things happen, so I became who I thought would avoid all the hurt. Now, I look back and realize that that decision to be somebody that nobody would hurt only hurt me as an adult. That was Satan's lie that I believed. I have been trying to figure out who I am and at 41 I still have no clue.
As soon as I read my devotional this morning and then read what your book was about it spoke to my heart. that is what i desire and long for is to be confident and secure in me and who I am so that I can be all that He created me to be. I am excited to read this and share with otheres.
Laura Fisher
your post today and devotion brought tears to my eyes this morning. I had prayed somewhat desperately that God would show me His truth clearly this morning before work. I have been praying to find my purpose and just talked this past weekend with my husband about how I always feel like I am letting people down. My life feels blurred and jumbled between circumstances and calling… I don't have a clear sence of purpose and feel even less fulfilled in pleasing people and getting through the days. Your message is timely. I look forward to God's work on my heart as I soak in the message He has given you.
Your post today really made me think today. I am constantly questioning what my purpose or calling is. I feel like I try to do too much and end up not doing anything really well instead of focusing on one gift and running with it. I would love to win 3 copies of your book, I know just the friends I would study with!
I do not have an answer for the question you asked. I've started praying and thinking already! I have two wonderful little boys and a precious husband…they need me to be who God made me to be, not just busy going through life. I need to read the book. Can't wait!
Like so many others here, I relate to this. A lack of clarity I guess. At 39, my youngest child now 6, I have space and time to pursue something for myself…but I don't know how to do it or where to start. I have no real sense of who I am. Thanks for your timely reminder of God's perspective on me…I will ponder the verses in Psalms today. – Cathy
Renee, I really needed to hear this. I'm a 29 yr old and I am staying home with my 2 little kids. I'm constantly taking care of my little ones, my house, my sick cat, etc. And honestly I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up 🙂 I just recently started staying home with my kids, and it's quite an adjustment. I often compare myself with other Moms who look like they have figured this all out. I look forward to reading your book when it comes out!
Thank you,
Irina
This topic could not have came at a better time for me. Your book and devotion must have been a answer to prayer.
Thank you so much for Renee for your devotion and dedication to this book. Would love to win a copy, but if not, guess it will go on the wish list. 🙂
Blessings to you.
Cindy
It is far too easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially when you don't feel like you're fulfilling your life's calling. I love how you point out that we need to take the time for self-examination and that it is not selfish to do so. We're so busy wearing all of our hats as wives, mothers, employees, etc – that we forget about ourselves in the mix of life. That's exactly where I am, and I can't wait to read your book!
🙂 Christine
Your comment in the devotional today about listening to others' dreams in order to have one of your own really struck home with me. I pick and choose the "good" parts of girl friends that I admire and try to mirror those qualities, but I find I often don't truly know who I am. I don't know that I ever have. I have a 2 year old little girl and I want to be able to raise her to be confident and proud of who she is and whose she is. How can I do that if I don't know myself?
Renee. Today's words really hit me square in the gut. I am living the same exact experience. When someone asks me who I am or what I 'really' want I honestly do not have an answer. When people ask me what I like or what I dream about, I don't know. Oh sure I know things like enjoying fellowship with Christian ladies, bible study, reading, movies, music, the 'usual' but nothing deeply personal or intimate about me.
I was abused in my childhood and learned to be a chameleon, to adjust to any circumstance, any situation, be whatever I needed to be to survive and that followed me all my life.
Jesus has healed my wounds and given me a life of beauty for ashes I never could have imagined. I have a fantastic family – an amazing husband and two beautiful girls, and I know my calling is to be a Godly wife and mother, but yet, I still don't know deep down Who Am I? What are MY dreams? What does God have just for me?
I don't know. I prayed that prayer in you wrote today. I desperately pray the Lord would show me who he created me to be, what – if finances were unlimited and failure was unlikely, what would be MY dream?
I pray the Lord will answer that in my spirit and give me the courage to believe and pursue whatever he has for me.