Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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Just shared your post on Facebook! And included this quote which really touched my heart this morning: God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives. Amen!
As moms and wives, I think we are in that constant battle of how to use our gifts we may have used pre-family as professionals and now as full time moms. Thank you for the thoughts today on using our gifts
Your words truly speak to my heart. I have struggled with feelings of inferiority for most of my life, comparing myself to the "image" projected by others. I now see the same pattern beginning in my daughters. I want them to accept themselves for who God created them to be, and find their purpose in life at an early age. Even at 39, I'm not sure that I know my purpose. I can't wait to read your book. I think God has led me to your blog today, and by faith I hope to discover who He has created me to be!
Lori H.
Wow…I read your blog this morning…and your devotion on Proverbs 31. I have been wrestling with this very thing for a few years. I'm turning 40 in a few short months…and when I ask myself your question at the beginning of the blog…"If finances were unlimited and failure was unlikely, what would be your dream?"
Its sad for me to say…but I STILL DON'T KNOW this answer. I SO want to be all God wants me to be…but somewhere in the middle of life and trying to "find myself" I have truly lost myself.
I LOVE my life…and my family…but there is this nagging feeling that I'm missing something…that there is more. And I just don't know what that is. SIGH….I look forward to reading your book. It seems like something that would really speak to my heart. Thanks for sharing!
Blessings,
Buffi
I do not so much compare myself to others, but I am a people pleaser. I to, at the age of 34, often wonder what I will do "when I grow up". I know what I should do and what would be best financially for my family, but is it my true calling. I hope this book will help me in recognizing my true potential and what I need/should be doing with my life. Thanks, Renee!
I am in tears over this topic right now. I feel like I have failed my daughter who is so rebellious right now and I feel like if I was a better mom she would not be this way. I don't know why God gave me all of this to deal with and I spend all of my time taking care of others and not myself. I have no personal friends or real hobbies – all of my time is taken up with housework and my kids. Yet, I still struggle knowing God made me for more. I have abilities and I am a smart person. I know there is more – He created all of us to work for His kingdom and to bring glory to His name. I needed this devotional this morning – I am so thankful someone understands these feelings. Renee you are such an encouragement because sometimes I feel so alone in this. You remind me God is there.
I am so encouraged by your post! Thank you! Just last night (as I was pondering what the Lord is asking of me during the season of my life) I ended up just in this same place. I struggle so much with my identity and the ability to not only rest in but celebrate the woman God made me to be. I so desire this confidence and now I am really looking forward to reading your book!
Amazing how these wonderful messages from Proverbs 31 always seem be just the thing I needed for the day. I had just been praying last night that God would show me who it is I am supposed to be because I am so lost to who I really am. Thank you for writing just what needed to hear today.
~Katie
Glad to know I am not the only shell walking around this earth.
Wow! Your blog hit me right at home. I am feeling everything you described… I can't wait to read your book! I wish I didn't have to wait until August…
Confidence is a tricky topic. So many women need to hear what God thinks of them in order to give them confidence!
Wow! I sure needed your P31 devotion today. I've been struggling with doubting myself and worth for 42 years. Thank you for breathing God's truth into my morning today!
sharedon facebook. Thank you.
Comparing ourselves with one another is one of our biggest temptations as women to see how we measure up.
Erin Wyrick
I know who i watn to be, but have nto really prayed to God to become who he wants me to be. this spoke to me, I need to quit making my own path and listen for his guidance to walk his. Thank you.
Wow, I'm not sure why but you're introduction alone made me cry. This is an area that I struggle with very deeply. I think it starts when I was twelve and my dad tried to kill himself. I always wondered why he didn't want to live for me if not for anything else. This affects a lot of my relationships I have today where I push people away in fear of getting hurt when it's my own insecurity that is doing it. It really creates a vicious cycle for me where both people involved are just frustrated.
I will be sharing this link on my facebook page because we can all use some confidence. Thank you Renee!
I can see myself in alot of what you spoke about. I am definitely getting the book, and will share it with my daughters! I still don't know what I want to be "when I grow up!
Dana
Thanks for sharing this today. For me it's easy to forget who I am as I take care of two babies and a husband.
Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks.. I do know Some of Gods plan for me but I have pushed it aside thinking I don't have the confidence or time. To think I am taking myself out of the will of God!.. wow! Thank you for sharing! Stella
Thank you for today's devotion. It could definitely been me you were writing about! I am almost 70 yrs young and have NEVER had real dreams of what I want to do with my life! I've been searching for the last few years for something meaningful, have a couple of ideas, but didn't have the want to to go ahead. Thanks for the encouragement and with God's help, that dream will become His desire for my life!
Thank you for your post today! As you said in your devotion that at 32 years old you had no idea what you hopes and dreams were I couldn't help but see myself. I too struggle so much with "doing" to please others and wind up burned out, only to realize later that no one had the expectations on me to "do" all these things, but rather I placed the expectations on myself. Sometimes I do feel lost, wanting to do God's will but not necessarily knowing what that means for me right now or in the future.
I just read the devotion for today,"Becoming the Real Me" I feel I am doing exactly what God has in his plans for me. I am reaching out to breast cancer survivors, by teaching the a healing/therapeutic yoga. My heart sings with joy when working with these women. When you allow God control, he will guide you in the direction of fruition and joy!
I too don't like the question because at 52, I still don't know. I have read a few books on the sunject but haven't come to a solid conclusion. I just do what's on my plate each day, occasionally doing something I enjoy.Have a blessed day!
confidence is a big thing many women lack. They always are comparing themselves to this person or that. Very important message thanks
ABreading4fun [at] gmail [dot] com
Brought up in a different culture, so education, career were important, so never got to find put my gifting, talents, have been asking God to show them, so that I can get into the destiny and purpose he has planned for me – Jerem, 29:11 has been God's reminder to me nearly every week in various ways
This devotion described me exactly. It has encouraged me to start seeking God's will for me.
[email protected]
Wow! This devotion had to God inspired specifically for me! I am so thankful for the gift placed inside of you. He spoke through you this morning in His perfect timing.
I am only 27 & I just had to have a total hysterectomy, while in Nursing school, trying to be a Godly mother to my 3 young beautiful children, also at the beginning of a painful divorce. A divorce from a man who cheated & emotionally abused me the entire duration of the 5 year marriage. So I have been lately asking God was this his plan for me. I just feel so lost, & asking "NOW WHAT"….
Quoting Jeremiah 29:11 while waiting….
Victoria L. Patrick
Awesome!! I can totally relate to this and am excited to read your book. Thank you! 🙂
Caty
Wow! You really spoke to my heart today! This is exactly my struggle-figuring out who I am, and I am 47 years old! I guess its about time. I can't wait to read this book.
Renee,
Great video! After praying for you during the writing process I can't wait to read A Confident Heart. Just yesterday I was comparing myself to someone else thinking "I wish I could be a mom like that." I love knowing that God has a special plan for me but I do struggle with self doubt. I will also be linking this post on my facebook.
Have a blessed day,
Mary
I saw your note in an email newsletter I received. I recently divorced after a bad 32 yr marriage where my whole focus was on HIM (while his was on HIM too, and other women), I used to say laughingly, my name is Coach XXX's wife. For so long I did not feel I HAD a name. I lost the real me. I did for him so much, and worked too so hard to make everything "okay" for our family I completely lost who "I" am. Your words sounded so much like me. My sister just said "that's you!" ha! So true (sadly). It's like you know me. Would LOVE to figure out how to find out who I am again. Lost that by the time I was 20 and am now 52. May God Bless you and all the women who are looking for "who they are" in their lives. I do hope your ministry will help YOUNGER women figure this out and not wait until they are in their 50's or disabled like me. But it's never too late to find out who I am and I know there can still be a "purpose" God has for my life. There's always time, even if it's only one day and I can help or save one person. God Bless. Linda
I read your devotion today "Becoming the Real Me", and really feel that I am in the right place where God wants me. I teach a therapeutic yoga to breast cancer survivors. My heart is full of joy when working with these women. If you just allow God to lead and take control, the path will be an incrediable journey of joy and fruition!
Renee, I am going to post this link on Facebook (already sent a comment).
Debbie
I, too, find that I don't have an answer to the questions. God made me a "helper," and I enjoy helping others, but I don't know how to relax and enjoy time just being Barb. Can't wait to read the book!
Thank you for this post. I identify with much that you wrote and would love to win your book in the hopes of taking 1 step closer toward being all that God fashioned me to be.
I've tried to answer the who am I question several times. I have never really come up with an answer. I liked the comment you made about asking God what His dreams are for me. I've never done that.
I shared a link on Facebook encouraging my friends to check out your new book! I hope it gets them excited about the possibility of studying this topic together.
~ Mary M.
Thank you for the encouragement to seek who God desires us to be. I'm looking forward to knowing what God wants me to be when I grow up.
This was a great devotional and a hard one to read, because as I read it, I knew that it was going to require some work on my part. And I'm too "busy" right now to focus on myself. Looking forward to your book;)
Your devotion and blog today touched my heart. I am constantly comparing myself to other women. I work in an environment that is filled with women so I am always comparing myself with how I am doing with how they are doing. I am comparing myself with how other women look. In all measures I come up short, in my eyes. How blessed you are to be challeneged in your 30s with the question that started you on your search for God's desire for your life. I am 57 and will start today. God bless you.
I am going to post this on FB. Tammy
Renee,
This was exactly what I needed to hear (and read) today. My sisters and a group of women at church have just finished a Sunday school class and we're looking for another topic to study together. I think your book would be a perfect option to consider.
~ Mary M.
I just shook my head when I saw this today. God never fails to send something entirely relevant to my life or the life of someone I am walking beside just when I/we need it most. The video particularly resonated with a particular need right now. So many people are stuck in the person they've made themselves be and not the one they were created to be. Thanks for being God's messenger today.
Debbie
Dear Renee, Thank you for this devotion. I have struggled it seems all my life with finding my dream and comparing myself. I would love to win this book in hopes that I can move on and quit struggling. Thanks and God bless. Tammy
Wow- your truth-filled words really cut straight to my heart and has set my mind turning this morning. Time to explore these thoughts with my Heavenly Father!
It has been touching to see you and the other commentors laying bare this struggle. It sometimes feels like everyone else has it together but me, everyone else knows what they want except me. I've done the comparing thing for so long. I've recently quit a job that provided for me an identity or a feeling of importance. I am searching for what God wants for me. I want more than anything to be able to know but I do get impatient and struggle with going back to what is comfortable.
Thank you for this devotion. Psalm 139 has been a recurring theme this week for me. Blessings! Julie
I've had to answer questions about dreams before and I never knew what to say either. How do you have a grown up dream? After my divorce 3 years ago I realized I didn't know who I was? I'd always been something else to somebody else. I have been working on discovering my identity as a person and more importantly as a woman of God. His are the only expectations that I need to live up to. He loves me and created me to be the way I am. – Laura
Thank you Renee. I'm a military spouse and mom with 2 young children. I find myself getting "lost" on a daily basis anymore. I have noticed that not only does it hurt me, but my marriage and parenting as well. I've been struggling for balance through prayer and reflection. It helps, but I still wonder who I am sometimes. I've been blessed with multiple talents that I LOVE, but there is never time to work and develop them all.
I know I have other friends who feel the same way.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Also linking to you FB site for another chance to win!!!
I struggle with this, after being molested as a small child, almost kidnapped at 11, and date raped at 16, I didn't want to get to know the real me, I felt the real me made those things happen, so I became who I thought would avoid all the hurt. Now, I look back and realize that that decision to be somebody that nobody would hurt only hurt me as an adult. That was Satan's lie that I believed. I have been trying to figure out who I am and at 41 I still have no clue.