Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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Oh Renee, I keep trying just as you said to move forward and ignore the voices that tell me I:m not capable. I am finally learning to see God in the things around me that point out the lessons I need to learn…but I still lack the confidence to believe I can make it…I too often hear myself cry out that I just can't do it…I'm tired at 52 and beaten down…and I look forward to reading your book & your visit to our conference next month!! Linda Evans @KBC
Your thoughts that said "comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts."… totally describes me. I spent a lot of time trying to be SuperWoman and thought this was accomplished by running myself ragged (if we are never lazy we must have self worth and be important right?), always volunteering and organizing things for my kids and their friends etc. Crazy busy to the point that I thought I could become someone in everyone's eyes by all that I did being a SuperWoman. But one day I finally realized it didn't want to be SuperWoman… I wanted to be a Super Woman. That entails me being me. Me doing things for the right reasons. Me feeling comfortable in my own skin. and me doing things because I want to, not just to get another notch on my SuperWoman belt of badges.
Thanks so much for your writings. I can't wait to read your book! I can already tell that I will be very easily able to relate.
Blessings,
Heather Eads
I identify completely with your words today as I have lived in that place for the majority of my life. Attempting to please people, who by the way, were never happy with my attempts and along the way I either lost the person I was or never really knew who that should or could be. I would love to read your book and be a part of your 7 Day Doubt Diet. With God's help I am trying to be more optimistic and open to all the possibilities God has planned for me. I am so very tired of always feeling worthless instead of feeling that I have self worth.Thanks for allowing me to share this. Knowing that I am not alone helps me to have hope and to feel better.
I was shocked today to discover that my dreams have gotten buried by life. When I was younger, I loudly proclaimed that God is the giver of dreams, and have actively and passionately pursued dream after dream. God has been faithful and has always brought me new dreams to replace those that He accomplishes. But now I find myself living in my sister's basement, geographically separated from my husband while he goes to school, unemployed, raising two little ladies solo. I still have so many dreams, but they have been put on hold, and I often wonder, are these Your dreams for my life, God, or are these dreams that will never be fulfilled by me? How does my family fit? Where has the confidence gone that I once had? And so, my dreams are somewhere under the pile of dirty diapers, rejection letters, bills, and endless laundry. I need a new reminder that God still is the giver of dreams and that He is big enough to bring my family together and to orchestrate our dreams into His own tapestry. Thank you for the reminder.
What an amazing book this sounds like! My oldest will be starting middle school in the Fall and I so remember those times of always comparing myself to others. Your post made me realize I am still doing that! I will be reading this book asap to help us both!! Thank you!!!!!!!!
You are sure helping me open my eyes. Would sure like to win copies of your book. Keep up your work for the Lord
This devotion was perfect! God has been working on me for the past two years… In the past few months, I am sure God is trying to lead me in a direction and preparing me for His purpose. I remain faithful and patient… It's hard but I know God will reveal in His time. The one thing I do know about my passion and dreams… I miss dancing and working with children. What that means in God's plans, I don't know… I keep praying and journaling. Thank you for this devotion today! Farrah Benson
Awesome message that you shared in your introduction of this book. More times than not I am my own worst enemy with my feelings of inadequacy. I am sure that I truely need to read your book to help me through. Can't wait until August!
I love how the Lord leads… "beside still waters and refreshes our soul". He led me to your blog today I believe because I need to get this book. He's been speaking to me about this very topic and I believe your book will be helpful in the journey He is taking me on. I can't wait for it to come out… but I trust in God's timing too. God bless you, Karen
When I read your prayer, I shouted. I want to say where were these words when I was young, raising children, feeling defeated, inadequate, wanting to feel loved. Well, I know today that I know the God that created me and he helped me up the stairs to where I could hear these words. God bless you and thanks for being in my life. I am going to be attached to your hip until I have learned whatever you are going to teach me.
I needed to be reminded that I am created for a unique purpose. Pleasing everybody around me is difficult to do day after day. I thought it was hard in high school, but I learned as soon as I became a mother that peer pressure and expectations are even worse now.
This really struck me, Renee! Thank you for your insights. I recently took on a new position and I have been filled with self-doubt. It is so debilitating the comments that keep replaying in my mind. This book seems like it would be the best thing for me since I have always struggled with self-worth issues.
I feel like today's devotion and comments were written for me…oh, how I need to be reminded that I was created for a purpose…a unique one at that. I am constantly trying to live up to what others want me to be, and it's a daily battle that I truly desire to be set free from.
I love today's post. I believe God had me in mind when He inspired you to write this book. I am a grown woman with 6 grandchildren and all my life I have disliked who I am. I've always wanted to be like others and often wonder what is my problem. I don't have any talents to offer and often feel as if I'm a failure to every one-even God. I definitely want to read this book and I will share with everyone I know. Thanks so much and God bless you. 🙂
The Lord gave you words for me today. Thank you for listening and sharing! I look forward to reading your book and hopefully sharing it with some friends.
Beth Voorhees
When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment.
Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
Many thanks!
I received your devotional through KKLA. I read it then linked to your page. Amazing how God gives us just what we need to get by. His Mercies are new every morning, and I need to stop feeding my doubt. I have gone through so much and sometimes question God as to when I will I see the end and when will HE ultimatley be Glorified in all this. I pray that your ministry continue to reach women all across the nation, because there are so many hurting out there…christian and non christian alike. Thank you for your obedience to God in sharing His promises in this very specific way!
Thank you for sharing this is such good information!!
Thank you for sharing this..such wonderful information!!
Wow! It is like you read my mind… I have been wondering what I should do and how I can be HAPPY. I can't wait to hear what God wants me to do now. Thank you for your blog and devotional. God Bless.
Brenda
Monday of this week, I had asked myself if God had ever given me a dream for my life and I couldn't think of anything. At 54, it feels like the days are passing much too quickly and I have more of a desire than ever to leave a legacy for my family that will not only give them memories of mother/grandmother who loved God, but of someone who also fulfilled the dream God had placed within her heart. Bless you for your ministry….I ready your blog daily and you bless my heart!
I felt like you were telling my story. I am 64 and still doubt myself. Alway's trying to please everyone and not say anything to rock the boat. My feelings of insecurity need to get a boot as well as feeling not good enough, or smart enough,and feeling frumpy. Thank you for writing a book to help all of us to stop feeling unworthy and start being the woman God had made us to be.
Another "God-cidence" as I started today asking, as I have frequently since becoming a believer Nov 2011, "am I living your purpose for my life?". The email from Proverbs 31 and your article and upcoming book put a huge smile on my face as God once again answers prayer. Looking forward to your insight in your book – thanks for walking in the light and shining the path for many! God Bless – Sara
I am sharing this on facebook. I posted the prayer because it resonated within my heart and echoed my desire for my life…to manifest God's dream for me!
loving without fear,
Groshonda McDonald
Sometimes it is so hard to believe and then remember that God has a unique and special purpuse for my life when I get caught up in looking at sother women's lives and what they've accomplished in comparison to where I feel I am in my life. Thank you for reminding me once again that God has plans for me and that those plans are unique to how He has made me and the gifts and talents He has carefully placed in me to bring Him glory!
God bless you!
loving without fear,
Groshonda McDonald
I am amazed at how God speaks to us through other people, and yet have so much difficulty seeing how God could possibly use me. I too have succumbed to the paralyzing fear of self-doubt, constantly comparing myself to other women and feeling like such a failure. I know this is not from God, and that the enemy is lurking about seeking to devour. I just have a problem with applying God's promises to my life. I am looking forward to reading your book and sharing it with my neighbor.
When ever those questions would come up I would always think to myself, "Pass me, I don't have an answer that will sound good to the others in this room." Even at 42 I still am trying to figure out what are my gifts that God has given me. I think that people who know me well would be able to identify them, but I have a hard time.
Thank you for reminding me that I need to keep connecting with Him to be comfortable with myself and how He has made me.
I look forward to reading your book and I'm thankful to see that there are other women out in this world who want to build other women up instead of breaking them down.
This spoke to my heart and met me exactly where I am right now. As a stay at home mom now for 8 yrs I constantly question my worth beyond motherhood. I know that doubting and lessening of my "profession" is not of God. I can't wait to read your books and do some practical work to figure out who I am!
jen
[email protected]
It's amazing that God has a plan for each one of us. Yesterday, I was reviewing 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and creating my mission statement. When I got to the question about "if money was not object, what would you want to do?," I did not have an answer. Growing up I had dreams and I have accomplished most of them, but now as an adult, I find myself without dreams and direction. Today's devotional on P31 and your blog post from today have really opened my eyes to the fact that I'm not in touch with what God wants from me. I need to figure out His dreams for my life. thank you.
This post was exactly what I needed to hear today! Looking forward to reading the book 🙂
Its amazing that God has a plan and a purpose for each of us. Yesterday, I was reviewing the 7 Habit of Highly Effective People and creating my mission statement. I noticed that when I got to the question, "If money was not object, what would you do?" and I had no answer. Today, this was the devotional on the P31 website. Think God's trying to tell me something…Such encouraging words. thank you so much!
I read your Proverbs 31 devotional today and so much of what you mentioned hit home, so I skipped over to your blog to read more. Thank you so much for the reminder to avoid comparison and to allow God to speak to us about our gifts and callings.
Stacey O. – PA
This fits exactly with what I am going through with my teenage daughter. She is struggling with where she fits in. She cannot seem to figure out what she is good at. She struggles with her grades, she feels like most of her teachers do not like her, she worked really hard and still did not make cheerleader, she is afraid to wear a dress to school because the boys might say something, the list goes on and on! In her struggles, I am having trouble figuring out how I can help her. I know that God has a plan for her , but am growing weary and do not know how to help her. Being a teen can be especially hard. And especially hard on mom's too!!!
Your devotion today really spoke to me. I constantly find myself struggling with self-doubt, and comparison. I am also very much so, a "people pleaser." I have been struggling for the past year to find my purpose for HIM. I find myself not confident enough to seek it!! I have heard so many wonderful things about your book, A Confident Heart, and look forward to getting the chance to read and learn from it. Thank you!! God Bless You!! Jodi
I started counseling with a christian woman a few weeks ago. Yesterday, I told her that I am the age I am and believe that I have never been "me" and I wasnt sure who I trul was inside. I am not sure who I really am, what i really like, what I really wanted to do. I have been maneuvering thru life where I was directed to go because I didn't know where I was supposed to go.
mamoe
Wow! I just just sharing with a colleague today how I don't feel very confident in myself and that I'm a big people pleaser. This is so timely and the book sounds excellent. I look forward to reading it.
Melody R.
I want to thank you for sharing. For the last two to three months I have been wondering what my next step is. I am a wife and mother of two, and just finished college. About a month and a half ago I had this dream where God told me, "You need to step up now." I'm still seeking Him to open my eyes to what I need to step up in. I pray that I do what He's calling me to be. Thanks again for your reminder.
Renee would love to have a copy of your book . It sounds just what I need I am going thru a tuff time right now and I feel why would Gog use me in the situation that I am in. Because I feel my self worth has just went out the window due to being unemployed for 2yrs cannot find ajob and numerous other things so would love to get a copy of the book.
Thanks Carol
I am interested in your book. I have struggled with self-confidence for years. I am aware that this (lack of self-confidence) is not from God. I know I can do so much for God's kingdom if only I would give it all to him….stop the lack of confidence and know HE can show me the way.
Shelia G.
Okay…here I am 32 years old and recently struggling with the "who I am" and "what do I like to do" question and I actually take the time time read my P31 email today. Crazy how I read it on days that it really touches my heart and my life. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in my struggles.
Here I am at 51 years of age and I still don't know who I am or who God wants me to be. I am encouraging my teens to figure out what their passions are and pursue their dreams but I never did it for myself. I recently returned to the work force and while I can do the job well, its not what resonates in my heart. But then again I am not sure what would. Being who God wants me to be, with the personality He gifted me with is something I never pursued for myself, always being caught up in what others expected or what I thought they wanted. My approval addiction manifesting its ugly head once again. Thank you for giving me some hope today to turn my eyes back to Him and that maybe its not too late for even me.
i plan to take time to pray on & develop those qualities that God gave to me uniquely to share with others. I know us sisters all need each other, because for sure- not one of us can do it all! (Kim H)
I am looking forward to the release of your new book!
I am now a follower of your blog after reading your devotional today. 🙂 I also retweeted your Twitter post on my Twitter account.
This book sounds like something I REALLY need to read! I have had issues with confidence ever since I can remember & would love to be freed from it once & for all! 40 years is too long to be captive to intimidation and lack of confidence!
I am sitting here weeping, knowing that this is God's message for me today. Thank you, Renee, for being the woman God created you to be, who in turn can be an encourager to total strangers, yet sisters in Christ.
Bonnie W.
I am from Jamaica and came across your blog after reading my Encouragement for Today. I must say it hit home very hard and I realise that for the past couple of years I have really lost a sense of who I am while trying to please everyone. I remember as a teenager I was encouraged by a favourite teacher and mentor to strip down and stand in front of the mirror and name all my body parts and tell them how much I love them. Finally I was to look myself in the eye and tell me how much I am in love with me.
I stopped affirming me and the God within me at around age 25 and now at age 39 I feel lost and unsure. I want to rediscover the me in me and what God's dreams of me are.
Thank you for the blog – I am now on the path of redicovering the Authentic Me.
God does hear us when we cry out
for help. That is what I thought when I heard about your book. You understand, sweet sister. A book for every woman in pursuit of being all that God created us to be. Thank you so much.
I was inspired by your words. Over the course of the last week or so, I have been asking myself actually just that – what are my gifts, talents?
Am I better suited for another job/role? I have been busy busy busy – being a mom, wife, sister, daughter, good employee,friend – I need to take time out for myself. It will only help me help others if I am the best that I can be. Thank you for your honesty and reflection. Many, I feel, are probably going through similar emotions/questions and looking for direction and answers.
I am 36 years old and have no idea what God wants me to be doing with my life. What am I good at? What is my passion? I have no idea. This blog has really openned my eyes and I am anxious to read the book and explore further God's purpose for my life.
– Susan
Such great words! They come at such a great time and you really made an impact on me today. Thank you!
'Comparing ourselves to other women' This phrase really caught my attention. I am definitely a textbook case when it comes to this. For years I have hated myself because I never seem to measure up, especially when I compare myself to my best friend. She ALWAYS seems to have it together.
Your comment 'But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.' was huge for me. I never really thought of it that way, but now that you've pointed it I so see the truth in that.
The truth is I am not a confident person. But I am continually seeking help. I have not given up on myself, and I thank God daily that He has not given up on me, that He has something better in store for me, and that with His help (and thru the help of others like yourself) I know I’m going to be able to become the confident and strong woman of God that He created me to be.
I am eagerly looking forward to being able to read your new book A Confident Heart. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and for letting God to use you! 🙂