Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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I thought I knew my purpose my entire life ? I was a confident outspoken sometimes to a fault women.I was living the dream or so I thought? Then 2 years ago everything came screeching to a halt. I've been trying to recover ever since….The one gift that I thought was my God given gift that I've based my entire being on I am now being told i'm not good enough at any longer? Was I confused or misled I thought I had that Talent everone said I did & now I'm being told I don't have it ? I try to not compare myself to others but what is they have that I no longer pocess that they get to do the very thing that my heart aches to do? I pray & ask God to help me to find rest just in being His beloved child & it works for a while, but only a while & I get smacked in the face again with Those words your not good enough they just keep echoing in my mind.Why do I give other peoples words more Power over me than God's Words? I guess to be honest I'm scared to dream again because I couldn't bare to have the rug swept out from me again. And what my heart aches to do I;m being told I can't do.And now writing this I feel so self serving so pety I'm in constant limbo trying to give up my will for God's will and feel left in limbo and as confused as ever.
Afraid to dream
Unlike some of the others, I needed this years ago. I am the usual 39 at 64. In the later years all I've been able to say about myself is that God has shown me how to LOVE. I do that very deeply and to almost all I meet. I am so disappointed when I cannot ALWAYS come up with a devotional that really flows. I admire all of you speakers and writers. Believing God!
After reading the P31 for the day, it made me think about what I would do to, its one of those loaded questions, but I know doing things you love will make you happy! Melissa
Thank you for reminding me that I am special to the Lord. I have always had issues with who I am, and who people expect me to be.
I grew up as a PK and now I am a pastor's wife. I have put pressure on myself trying to live up to people's expectations. I try so hard not to let this change who I am and how I live my life. You have encouraged me to please God and fullfill His purpose in my life. Looking forward to reading the book!!
I can so relate to your post today. I wonder if I'll ever be who I'm suppose to be. Right now I feel like I'm in the firey furnace and not sure how much more I can take. I know God is working on me I just wish he would hurry up.
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As I read this devotional today, I felt like God was talking directly to me. For years I have struggled with who I am and what my passion in life is. I've been living my life trying to be what others want me to be. I can't wait for God to reveal His true plan for my life.
Kacy
I would love to win a copy of your book! Been on this quest for purpose for as long as I can remember.
I was abused as a child then married an abuser. For a long time I thought I was useless,ugly and had no reason for living. Then in 2003 a samll voice came to me and said " I didn't pur u hear on earth to be treated like this". That is when I started reading who God says I am and since then believing who God says I am. I am now happly married with 3 beautiful children and with God first in my families life and us beleiveing. That we are His children.heir to His throne. We can be anything we want . We r his children and he only wants the best for his children.
Um missed my name for "belong to Christ, but am lost to myself"
~Shera VanGoor
I will post this on my facebook page!!! Yay for sharing!!
I have always heard that God places you where you need to be when you need to be there. Your blog was on my email and ready for me to open just at the RIGHT time. I have been struggling for years with "who I am" and "where do I fit in as a Christian woman". I've had many, many ups and downs the past few years that I thought I had it all figured out and then…"boom"…it comes crashing down and I'm back where I started, asking God, "ok, where do we go from here?"
I am anxious and ready to read your book and finally realize that I am a Christian woman who lives for our loving God first and foremost and He will lead me to where I need to be if I just listen for His direction.
Thank you!
I am the same way. I feel that I never really thought about what I want to do. My worldly desires I had before I came to the Lord have melted away and now I have no idea!!
I am 29 years old. Single. Overweight and I feel invisible. I know God has a plan but I just cant see what it is. I've always had to be the strong one in my family and that has taken its toll to where if there isnt a crisis going on then I dont know what to do. I like my job but I dont love it and I really have no clue what I want with the rest of my life. But I do know this… I want to find out what my purpose is. Since your book doesnt come out in July and if you feel someone needs the copy more than I, can you suggest some other reading until then? Cause I feel like I need something now. Thanks, Melissa
What do others want/expect of me – is a question that follows me. I continue to struggle with "what's God's desire/dream/purpose for me". What are my gifts and what do I really like/want to do. I feel like I just keep muddling through life.
Ann
Thank you for your devotional today. For the past few weeks, it has hit me that I don't have a dream. I think for years, I have been afraid to dream, to want something, thinking it was wrong. Now, at 45, I am praying for God to show me his dream and plan for my life! I am trying to overcome my fear and doubt about myself and know that God is in control! I am looking forward to your book. Thanks again, Amy
I'm in my 40's and still don't know what I want to be or do with my life. I belong to Christ, but am lost to myself! Would love to read your book.
Renee,
I am 49 and keep waiting for that time in my life when I'm comfortable with me. It's not happening. I think its because I don't know me. I, too, am a people pleaser who does what I'm expected to do. I find myself more worried, not less, about what other people think or say. I would love to read your book and maybe try to find myself.
Thank you for sharing today. As a wife and mother, I am often left with the feeling of "is this all". I love my husband and children but I feel I have so much more to offer others also. Fear often stands in the way. I pray that God will reveal to me "what else" he has called me to do and that He will give me the confidence to step out in faith to do it.
wow! i used to have confidence in what i was to be doing for God; something got lost along the way! thank you for this post and p31's message. i may be able to put my finger on why i've felt so "undecided" about things for so long! praise God 🙂 i would love to have your book and pass along a couple to friends i believe are struggling along with me! thank you! Angela B.
I thought I was the only 47 year old who did not know what she wanted to be when she grew up.
Angie