Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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You can now sign up for my FREE “7-day Doubt Diet” in the right top sidebar!!
Renee loved your blog today and can't wait for your book to come out. I myself have struggled with these issues off and on my whole life. I have had issues with fear, worry,anxiety as I have gotten older and especially after losing my parents 6 months part at the age of 29. I was pregnant with my youngest when my mom died very suddenly so fear has been a battle for me and satan has attacked me numerous times over the course of my adult life. It has been over the course of the past year that I have desperately tried to cast my burdens and worries on him and not let satan get his grip on me. I was sitting in church one Sunday feeling very weak, anxious scared not knowing what was going on with me, why couldn't I shake these feelings of doom and gloom, and praying that God would hear my prayers and take this anxiousness away from me when I felt this overwhelming peace just flood over me. God heard my prayers, he didn't forsake me,he didn't let go of me and he never will. Now when I feel anxious or worried I do try to cast them on my Lord and Savior because he is there for me. God Bless!! In Christ's love,Judy B. from CO
I am 52 years old and still don't know what God wants me to be. I recently sold a business and have been helping my daughter with her two little girls. There are some days that I wonder if this is what God wants for me or if there is more. I often feel like I'm not doing anything/using my talents for God. Thanks for the reminder that I am unique and God has special dreams and ideas just for me and no one else.
shared link on facebbok
thank you so much for sharing…
I would love to read this book and be more confident in my role as wife and mom but to really be what God has called me to be
I know that I have a purpose but I don't know how to find that purpose. I think I have a clue but what if I am wrong and take the wrong steps?
Your devotional has cut through me like a knife, because this has been something I have been struggling with for a very long time. I can't wait to read more about how to find out who I am in Christ, and what God's plan is for me. I hope to have the guts to do what He says…
Babs.
I grew up in an abusive home. I spent most of my first 18 years (basically for as long as I can recall) trying to be whatever it was my mother wanted me to be (and for her to love me), only to fail over and over again. I also did most anything I could to fit in at school and church. Again, failing most of the time. It wasn't until I went to a women's retreat several years ago that I discovered that it doesn't matter who loves you or who doesn't. Who approves of you or who doesn't. All that truly matters is God's love and acceptance of us. I also learned to be grateful for those that did love me, they may not be my mother, but at least they love me, unconditionally (as does God).
I have a very hard time not comparing myself to other women. I know in my brain, that I shouldn't do it. But I still do it.
This is what I needed to hear today. I've been struggling on am I being how others expect me to be or am I being true to myself. I would love to be able to recognize my strenghts and become the woman that God wants me to be.
I just facebooked this wonderful blog/video and giveaway!!
Jenifer
http://www.jenifermetzger.org
So looking forward to reading your new book. I lead women's ministry, blog and have an online ministry for women. Yet I daily deal with a lack of confidence in myself. Your video spoke volumes to me and I am excited to read A Confident Heart!
Jenifer
http://www.jenifermetzger.org
Encouragement is what we all need. And that feeling that we are not alone in this.
Wow! As I sit in tears over your devotional, I am reminded of how big our God is. This is exactly what I have been struggling with for the past few years. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. There is obviously still hope for me.
I loved the devotion this morning! It's so refreshing to remember that (as you said) it's "God-seeking" to figure out WHO I am supposed to be…the unique strengths, talents, etc. God blessed me with for HIS purpose!!
It is amazing how the Proverbs 31 devotion is always what I needed to hear that day as this one was today which led me to your blog. I have always battled with what I want to be when I grow up and I am way way past being grown up. I try to please everyone else and never seem to please myself and probably not God either. I really would like to fulfill my purpose that God intended for me. It will be perfect for me if He decided it.
WOW! I never really thought about this. You are exactly correct in all you said. Too many times as women, we spend our time "living up" to others' expectations instead of God's. I appreciate your devotion!! I would love to read your book also.
Rebecca R.
I like the question in the companion devotional for this day that asks, "Do I like who God created me to be? Why or why not?" I had never outwardly asked that question of myself but realized that in how we compare and sometimes self-deprecate, we are answering that question.
Thank you so very much for sharing your struggle. I am glad to know that I am not alone. I am a 30 year old woman struggling with the same things and am so ready to know who God made me to be so that I can live life the way He planned for me to live it. I want to live a life happy and content with who God made me so that I can model that to my daughter. Thank you again. Desiree
This is the first time I have sat down and really listened to you. I find you uplifting and that lifted my spirits. I am suffering for the third time with breast cancer and struggling to find my faith. I thank God every morning when I wake up that he has given me another day. My husband has fallen from his faith and this makes it very hard to keep and hold on to mine since he is my primary caretaker. He has me tied down to the apartment with only his way to do things. I have no way to get away from him short of calling police and telling them I am being abused. Thanks!
I have a co-worker who is a beautiful and humblelady with gifts and talents that she does not recognize. I believe she is a Christian but does not have a church home where she can use the gifts she has to serve the Lord. Despite her outward and inward beauty she has confidence and self-worth issues. Just today we talked about her feeling. This book would be awesome for me to share with her. I also teach an adult ladies' Sunday School class and would welcome the opportunity to share this book with them. I am hoping I will be blessed with the free copies.
Thank you for your ministry. It blesses my heart.
Ellen Davis – [email protected]
Thank you for the encouraging reminder that we are created uniquely for a divine purpose. I hope to win a few copies of your book so I can share this journey of learning with other women. Thank you!
Always comparing. Ugh. Gloria
What an encouraging reminder – God created us uniquely for a purpose! I hope to win a few copies of your book so I can share this journey of learning with other women. Thank you!
We are each unique, praise God for loving us and creating us with such detail. Thank you for the reminder, and I'd really love to win a few copies of your book so I can share this journey of learning with some other women.
Your devotional today really touched me. I really want to become who God wants me to be… and to know who that person is!!
Thank you. Rebecca
I felt like you were speaking to me directly! I am 44 with a PK career in software programming where I made great money and must have found some identity in that. Gave it up to become a Domestic Engineer, even homeschooled my kiddos. Now my kids are in school, and I work part-time at my youngest daughter's elementary school, which is a blessing as I get to see her every day. But, I feel like I am too old to consider going back to school to get further education, not to mention the financial factor. I just feel although I am being the wife & mom God has called me to be, I have lost 'me' along the way and always feel guilty thinking about it! Signed, Can Use All the Help I Can Get! Thanks!
Your devotional today really touched me – and I want to discover who God wants me to be. Thank you! Rebecca
I read your post on P31 and came over for a visit because at 39 I am pondering similar ideas. Please enter me to win. Tina M
[email protected]
Also, sharing this via fb. ~ceci
wow everything you said resonated with me so much. Can't wait to read your book.
Thank you for your words today. This is something I have struggled with my whole life. Now as a 40 year old single mom of two little girls, I find myself struggling still, but wanting so much to get it right so I can teach them well.
~Ceci
wow this resonated so much with me. Can't wait to read your book.
Thank you so much for this post today! As a second time mom in my 40's I have struggled with trying to juggle so many plates over the recent weeks and continuously reminded myself that other moms seem to make it look effortless! I love how you so beautifully captured how you turned from the shadows and back to the light and promise God offers. I can't wait to see how he uses me in this new phase of my life and what his special plans are for me. Thanks to you and Proverbs 31 Ministries for being a blessing (and something of a virtual morning hug) in this stay at home mom's life!
I love how you so beautifully captured turning away from the shadows of darkness and back into the light and promise God provides. As a new (and exhausted) mom of two in my 40's I so needed to hear this message today! I've doubted my abilities as I try to adjust to sleepless nights and trying to keep up with bill paying, house cleaning, bible study and fellowship with friends and more. It just seemed effortless for other moms. I can't wait to see how God uses me in this new phase of my life and what his purpose is for me. Thank you and Proverbs 31 Ministries for continuing to bless my life!
This post really resonated with my spirit. As a 26 year old strong female, I've always struggled with the "me" God created and the "me" the world has tried to create. It was a refreshing reminder to take time with my creator and rid myself of the distorted "me" I've created and let Him guide me to the "me" He originally crafted.
~Virginia
Renee,
You said to write two comments , so here I am!
I am going to share you on facebook, and I am going to hope to read your book soon.
I am asking God to show me HIS dreams for me, being that His are perfect, Jer. 29:11!
Mine have been shattered and maybe that is just what He wanted in order to mold me His way!
Debbie at [email protected]
Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess
I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing.
Do you have any recommendations for rookie blog writers? I’d
certainly appreciate it.
Excellent post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed!
Extremely helpful info particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much.
I was looking for this particular information for a long
time. Thank you and good luck.
Renee,
I saw you as I read a post by Lysa on Facebook.
I am a mother of a prodigal. I feel so insecure. I wonder now that my son is grown and out of the house, and my young adult daughter has left as a prodigal not speaking to me for over two years, just what am I worth or what does God want me to do now?
I have wanted to serve God in some way for a long time. I love to share the Word of God with others, but I am afraid of blogging ( even though I want to) because I have not English or Writing degree. I have no degree at all. I am a wife and a mother, but now it seems like a mother who is having a security problem because of a feeling I am a failure at mothering.
I hope to read your book and find God speak to me through it.
Thank you for the bried video, for it was encouraging to me.
My Name is Debbie, and email is [email protected]
I have struggled with this my whole life. I don't like to show the real me because I'm afraid of rejection. I always doubt everything I do or say. I doubt if I'm a good mom or wife, I doubt my relationship with Christ. I doubt it all.
The true me is deep down inside and it is only up to me to let her out and with God's help I know I can.
Thank you so much Renee, for all you do for us, you are truly doing God's work. Can't wait to read this book.
this really sounds like the book for me!
Carol in NC
Wow. This sure seems to be a theme that God keeps placing before me! Excited for the things God might be doing / preparing me for through what He is teaching me!
I really can appreciate your comments on the blog and the video. I am in my mid 60's and I still feel as though I really don't know who or what God designed me to be. I have read Florence Littauers books and I come closest to Phlegmatic & Perfection with a lot of Control mixed in, with just tad of sanguine! As you see, I perceive myself as a highly mixed bag! And I also have always tried to be what others wanted me to be, they were confident I could be their design. Yet more often than not I really wasn't comfortable in those spots either, so I keep praying Lord please make it really, really clear, black and white, no doubts involved, clear to me who I am according to your design, not mine, not my spouses, not my friends, and not my children. My siblings and parents for the most part no longer have that much affect on me as they are up in heaven, well I hope they are at least! I feel like they should have been they all loved the Lord and knew His forgiveness. Oh my, would love to read your book, I am like a sponge when it comes to Gods word and always appreciate well written, helpful books to grow in Gods garden of words! May God Bless you Renee!!!!
Kay
Thank you for sharing today. I know God chose to speak to my heart through this. I struggle a lot with doubting and knowing my value in the Lord, but He knows me so intimately and cares for me. Thanks!
If I hadn't known better I'd have thought you were describing me to someone. I have ALWAYS been a people pleaser and done things everyone else wanted. It's almost like I have never been my own person. Sometimes I feel like I can't even make the smallest decision like what I want to eat. I want to know where God wants me and what he wants me to do with all that is in me. Yet I stay trapped in that bubble of doing what everyone else wants. I need to break the cycle!! Thank you for what you said today. I never realized that was the reason. I just thought something was wrong with me and I would not ever know. What insight!!!
Shared on my Facebook page too.. thx again Renae!
Also I do plan to share this blog on my Facebook with a link back to this blog, no twitter, facebook is enough social networking for me!!!
Kay
This devo hits me sqware in the center of my fears today. The shadow of Suicide Loss , growing older, empty nest, menapause, remarriage, financial troubles, diabetes etc has cast a very dark painful shadow upon me these last 8 years. I am turning back to His Light…His TRuth. The LIES are just too dark & hopeless.
Isaiah 61:1-3..Beauty from these dark ashes..I can not allow fear & pain to define who I am in the flesh of sorrow yet in Christ I know I can get off my mat & WALK again. PTL!
Thank you Renae..for reminding me today that He Loves me anyway.
Self-doubt and lack of confidence is something that women frequently encounter these days. I'm anxious to learn more on the topic as you explore it in your book.
Striving to believe in myself is one thing, but trying to understand God's purpose for my life is something I struggle with. If I win these books, I will share them with two women with whom I share a music ministry at church. We are good friends, and this study would be wonderful for us to do together. Thanks!
I need to learn this myself. At 37 years old I still am trying to believe that I am loved and valued. I have a 3 year old daughter and I want her to learn this truth long before she is 37.
I am planning to do this book with Melissa's Online study, I cannot wait!
What an important subject especially in today's world. I love that saying that our Lord has made us to complete each other not compete with each other! You see it all too often, and we are wearing ourselves out trying to be something we are NOT! I would love to get a copy for myself and 2 for my friends — What a blessing it would be! I also posted this to my facebook, really good message for all my fb friends!