Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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Renee,
Thank you for your words of encouragement this morning. I have always put my families needs before my own and in the process I have lost who I am and what does God want for my life. Your book sounds like a good read for me. Have a Great day.
Cindy H.
Needed this reading today. Not only am I comparing myself to a strong woman at work, but also comparing myself to a strong man at work. It's an unhealthy combo. I look forward to reading your book and letting it soak in.
My daughter is 20 and she is struggling with what to do with her life. So far she has not experienced God's peace and that troubles her. I empathize with her since I am 46 and I don't know what it is that I should be doing right now. In the past, I've been in the place I needed to be; but now I am sensing the need for a directional change and I have no idea how to go about it or what direction to go. We both need help!
As you described the book it felt like you had written it specifically for me. I have had so many lows lately and I needed to read your devotion and blog today. God's timing is perfect.
Diane
Right before I read today's Proverb 31 devotional, I prayed that I would go back to being the person I was when I first turned my life over to God. I was confident and trusting in God. My faith was so strong, and I started becoming the woman God made me to be. I was a foster mother to 9 beautiful children, and through that I adopted my precious son who is now almost 4 years old. Through the past 5 years, I have forgotten the woman I was then. I want to find her again, and be the woman God wants me to be; no matter what anyone says I can or can't do. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for me, and I ready to find out what that is! Thank you, Renee not only for this devotion, and the book you wrote, but for asking God what his dreams are for you and for listening! Through this you not only helped yourself, you are, also, helping hundreds of women across the globe!!!! I pray that God keeps using you and that you keep listening!!!
What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious familiarity on the topic of unpredicted feelings.
Thank you. I thought I was the only one who didn't have a dream for who God made me to be. I've been trying very hard for the past year and a half to discover that, but it still seems to elude me. My prayers appear to be unanswered, but after reading your blog and realizing I've taken spiritual gifts inventories, personality inventories, etc. I have a new direction…I haven't put them all together and really looked at them with prayer! Again, thank you for the encouragement that I'm not alone.
Kelly
This morning when I got up I asked God to speak to me today on why I feel like I do. I am sitting here in tears after reading P31 today. I am 44 and all my life I have devoted all of me to what everyone else needs. When I step out to do something that I have an interest in I get no support or feel condemed for doing it. So here I am I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Still wishing I knew who I was. Praying for God to reveal the real me He intended. Thank you for this ministry, you have blessed me.
Wow Renee, it was like I was reading about myself in what you wrote in Prov31 devotion today. Thank you for the hope and encouragement. I look forward to reading your book to learn more about having a Confident Heart. Blessings
Cathy
Outwardly, no one would ever look at me and think I doubt myself. But I am constantly wondering who I am in Christ and what His purpose for me is. I look forward to reading your book. Thank you for snippets of it already!!
Your words made me stop and think today. I've been divorced almost a year and am struggling with finding myself. I didn't want the divorce but had to realize I couldn't change my husband. I've also come to realize that I don't really know who I am, what I enjoy doing. I think I became wrapped up in my ex-husband and enjoyed those things he did. As I began to look back over the years, I noticed I've always identified myself with a man, boyfriends and then my husband. I look forward to learning who God wants me to be and developing a closer relationship with Him as well.
I would love to know what my dreams are, but more I want to know what God has for me. I feel I just go from day to day, hoping I do something worthy.
Thank you for sharing God's word with me today. It spoke directly to my heart
I am excited about the possibilities of this book! I think just about every woman I know has one confidence issue or another! I'm going to think about presenting this to my Bible study group! Thank you, Renee!
Leslie Mears
I'm now 56 years old and as the years fly by I wonder if I am who God planned for me to be or if I am who the world wanted me to be? My passions are creative communication, people and administration – I've learned this through 2 Spiritual Gifts inventories. I manage a 300 person group of volunteers at a local hospital – but I feel called, pushed, prodded, to do something else. Is it God? I think so but I'm not sure how to move on.
I think that as women we think we are to take care of everyone else and their needs. We lose ourselves in our family, friends and work. Then when someone does ask us "What do you want to do or be" we are lost.
God did make us fearfully and wonderfully made…to do for His kingdom not for "our" kingdom. He gave each of us a specific trait of what His plan is for us.
I agree "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up". And here I am 51! Time to let go and let God!
This really hit home with me. I have always done what was expected of me without a lot of thought of what I am good at or what I really want to do. You have encouraged me to seek God and discover His purpose/design for me. I look forward to reading your book.
Wow! I needed this today. At 37 I frequently am ashamed of the fact that I "don't know what I want to be when I grow up". This book is made for me!
I ran across your blog after readin the P31 for today. As soon as I started reading, I immediately said to myself, "I hate when people ask those type of questions because I never have an answer."
I'm a soon to be 25 year old tax consultant… I'm not sure what my true purpose is or what God's desire for my life is. As you stated, I too am a people pleaser and tend to be who people who need me to be. My prayer from now on will be for God to reveal who He wants me to be.
I'm sure that as I reconnect with Him, He will reveal exactly what it is that will fulfill both His desires as well as mine. I hope that I can soon know the real me!
I often forget in the heat of mistakes and wondering why I do the things I do that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you for reminding me.
What you said today really resonated with me — especially, your observation that the LORD made us to complete each other not to compete which each other. Bravo!