Do you remember being in middle school? Those were the awkward years. I remember not really liking who I was or how I looked. I have a feeling a lot of us didn’t like ourselves at that age, but we all desperately wanted others to like us, right?
At that point, I think a lot of us secretly compared ourselves to those around us, observed who was liked most, and tried to be like the popular people.
In my Proverbs 31 devotion, “Becoming the Real Me,” I talk about having that same unhealthy habit in my adult life, too. And I know I’m not alone. For many women, it wasn’t just a phase when we were teenagers; it’s still a struggle now. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have the confidence to find out who we really are. Many of us are just more comfortable buried in busyness and hiding behind our self-doubts.
Lots of times it’s because we’re believe we don’t have anything special to offer anyway, so we just keep being who others want, need or expect us to be.
Well my friend, it’s time to do something about it. How? First we have to stop comparing ourselves to other women. Why would we compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with how someone else looks like they had it all together on the outside? We’ll always end up feeling less than.
Not only is comparison toxic for us personally, it’s also destructive relationally. Comparison makes us measure our worth against other women, and we end up competing with each other.
But God created us to complete one another, not compete with each other.
In my book, A Confident Heart, I share how we can do that by encouraging each others’ strengths, overlooking each others’ weaknesses and celebrating each other’ uniqueness.
The truth is, life is hard and we need each other! “But now God has placed the parts, each one of them in the body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be? Now there are many parts, yet one body.” 1 Corinthians 12:18-20
God gives all of us unique personalities, abilities, passions and experiences because we each play a leading role in the story He’s writing with our lives.
So, today when you are tempted to compare yourself to another woman and doubt starts whispering that you’re not as smart as she is, or gifted or pretty or godly…remember you are “God’s masterpiece…created anew in Christ so that [you] can do the good things He planned for [you] long ago.” Ephesians 2:10, (NLT)
In my upcoming book, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself and Live in the Security of God’s Promises, I have a whole chapter on this topic and other self-doubts that keep us from becoming the women God created us to be!
I’m giving away three copies today, but first I’d love for you to watch this 2-minute introduction video.
I’m praying for each of you today as you begin to discover and embrace the woman God created you to be! Remember, there is no one like you…and the world is missing someone special until you become her!
If you’d like to read A Confident Heart when it releases, and share it with friends, enter to win 3 copies (1 for yourself and 2 for friends) below:
- To enter one time, click on the word “comments” below to share thoughts about today’s topic. (If you don’t have a blog it’s okay, click anonymous and type in the white box. But be sure to leave your first name to be part of a drawing).
- To enter two times, leave a comment with your thoughts and leave another letting me know you’re sharing this post via Facebook and/or twitter with a link back to my twitter page @reneeswope or back to my Facebook page @A Confident Heart by Renee Swope FB page.(https://www.facebook.com/renee.swope?ref=name#!/pages/A-Confident-Heart-by-Renee-Swope/160376334023273)
A Confident Heart releases August 1st, but you can pre-order yours at P31 today and be the first to receive a signed copy in early August! (P31 is getting early copies in mid July.)
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As soon as I read my devotional this morning and then read what your book was about it spoke to my heart. that is what i desire and long for is to be confident and secure in me and who I am so that I can be all that He created me to be. I am excited to read this and share with otheres.
Laura Fisher
your post today and devotion brought tears to my eyes this morning. I had prayed somewhat desperately that God would show me His truth clearly this morning before work. I have been praying to find my purpose and just talked this past weekend with my husband about how I always feel like I am letting people down. My life feels blurred and jumbled between circumstances and calling… I don't have a clear sence of purpose and feel even less fulfilled in pleasing people and getting through the days. Your message is timely. I look forward to God's work on my heart as I soak in the message He has given you.
Your post today really made me think today. I am constantly questioning what my purpose or calling is. I feel like I try to do too much and end up not doing anything really well instead of focusing on one gift and running with it. I would love to win 3 copies of your book, I know just the friends I would study with!
I do not have an answer for the question you asked. I've started praying and thinking already! I have two wonderful little boys and a precious husband…they need me to be who God made me to be, not just busy going through life. I need to read the book. Can't wait!
Like so many others here, I relate to this. A lack of clarity I guess. At 39, my youngest child now 6, I have space and time to pursue something for myself…but I don't know how to do it or where to start. I have no real sense of who I am. Thanks for your timely reminder of God's perspective on me…I will ponder the verses in Psalms today. – Cathy
Renee, I really needed to hear this. I'm a 29 yr old and I am staying home with my 2 little kids. I'm constantly taking care of my little ones, my house, my sick cat, etc. And honestly I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up 🙂 I just recently started staying home with my kids, and it's quite an adjustment. I often compare myself with other Moms who look like they have figured this all out. I look forward to reading your book when it comes out!
Thank you,
Irina
This topic could not have came at a better time for me. Your book and devotion must have been a answer to prayer.
Thank you so much for Renee for your devotion and dedication to this book. Would love to win a copy, but if not, guess it will go on the wish list. 🙂
Blessings to you.
Cindy
It is far too easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially when you don't feel like you're fulfilling your life's calling. I love how you point out that we need to take the time for self-examination and that it is not selfish to do so. We're so busy wearing all of our hats as wives, mothers, employees, etc – that we forget about ourselves in the mix of life. That's exactly where I am, and I can't wait to read your book!
🙂 Christine
Your comment in the devotional today about listening to others' dreams in order to have one of your own really struck home with me. I pick and choose the "good" parts of girl friends that I admire and try to mirror those qualities, but I find I often don't truly know who I am. I don't know that I ever have. I have a 2 year old little girl and I want to be able to raise her to be confident and proud of who she is and whose she is. How can I do that if I don't know myself?
Renee. Today's words really hit me square in the gut. I am living the same exact experience. When someone asks me who I am or what I 'really' want I honestly do not have an answer. When people ask me what I like or what I dream about, I don't know. Oh sure I know things like enjoying fellowship with Christian ladies, bible study, reading, movies, music, the 'usual' but nothing deeply personal or intimate about me.
I was abused in my childhood and learned to be a chameleon, to adjust to any circumstance, any situation, be whatever I needed to be to survive and that followed me all my life.
Jesus has healed my wounds and given me a life of beauty for ashes I never could have imagined. I have a fantastic family – an amazing husband and two beautiful girls, and I know my calling is to be a Godly wife and mother, but yet, I still don't know deep down Who Am I? What are MY dreams? What does God have just for me?
I don't know. I prayed that prayer in you wrote today. I desperately pray the Lord would show me who he created me to be, what – if finances were unlimited and failure was unlikely, what would be MY dream?
I pray the Lord will answer that in my spirit and give me the courage to believe and pursue whatever he has for me.
I needed to hear this as life seems to be changing. And now in a real place to see who I am. Not define by what I had to do. But don't think in the last 15 years really look to see who I was created to be.
I was oh so confident of my "mission" as long as I was in my classroom and teaching my babies. It is now that I am retired that I am searching for what is next. I am CONFIDENT that there is a next and am asking God to lead me there. God Bless you and your ministry. Paula
Thank you for your devotion. I am a 44 year old woman who is constantly comparing myself and sadly my family to others. It is so destructive. I don't believe I have the gift of anything to offer another person. It leaves me in a funk many times. I look forward to reading your book.
rwhite
I was that woman, the one who didn't know what I wanted. I, too, want to be the woman God desires for me to be, but I often compare myself to others thinking each one of them "has it all together." Your book would help me truly find the woman God planned me to be. Thanks for using your gifts to help others.
I so look forward to the next step in discovering where, how and what God intends for me in my life. I have found much hope when realizing that there is no age that is right for my journey to find God and his plan in my life
I actually saw myself in this message and it stirred my spirit. I never really felt complete in my life never knowing what god had for me and what my desires were.
I just posted a comment & shared your page on facebook. Thank you for this outlet for women who want to be closer to God. You are a blessing.
I actually saw myself in this message and it stirred my spirit. I never really felt complete in my life never knowing what god had for me and what my desires were.
I have always had confidence in myself but I found that the confidence I had was in how others saw me & not how I saw myself. I recently born again & am starting to understand how much I don't know. While I struggle in my quest to learn more & know more about God, your blog & others with Proverbs31 help me to find the answers I am seeking. Thank you.
Wow, as I read through the comments I'm amazed at how many women this subject resonates with, including myself. God has been speaking to me over the past several months about my insecurities and being who He has created me to be. Thanks for the reminder. You're a blessing and I know your book will be as well!
I too have struggled with paralyzing self-doubt since I was a teen. I didn't realize until the past few years how that takes its toll on every relationship and every aspect of your life. I have been on a journey to discover who I am as an individual-not wife, mother, daughter, friend, and am so excited to read your book to help me put everything together!
Although I have been one of God's children since I was a little girl, I have spent my whole life being envious of other girl's and now women's looks, personality, and confidence, rather than being secure in who God made me to be. I am a domestic violence survivor and have struggled the past few years with feeling like a failure. I don't have any real passions and I long to discover God's plan for my life. I cannot wait to read your book! Thank you for writing about something many women need help with!
Kim
In the not-too-distant future, I will be an empty nester after spending the majority of my life as a stay-at-home/homeschooling mom. I often wonder what it is that God has for me when that day comes. I wonder, "What do I want to do when I grow up?" I also want to help my 3 daughters discover who it is that God has created them to be. Thank you for your insight.
In the not-too-distant future, I will be an empty nester after spending the majority of my life as a stay-at-home/homeschooling mom. I often wonder what it is that God has for me when that day comes. I wonder, "What do I want to do when I grow up?" I also want to help my 3 daughters discover who it is that God has created them to be. Thank you for your insight.
I clicked on here after reading the P31 devotions this morning and feel like it could have been me in that meeting. I too haven't got an answer when people ask me my dreams for my life. I am over 50 years old with my first child getting married this summer and I have no idea what God wants me do with this life. After reading your devotions, I will start to pray for God to show me who He wants me to be … and not continue living as who others expect me to be. Thanks for your encouragement. I can't wait to read your book.
Thank you! I really needed to hear that today.
Thank you so much for both posts!!! As a mother of five young children, I don't take time to think about those things at all…I'm too busy doing whatever needs done for our family. I appreciate you bringing this important topic to me today. I will be praying about this!
Thank you Renae! This is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I'm so thankful for His perfect timing! I can't wait for your book to be out! I really need to read it. I know that God doesn't make junk and I often disappoint others. Even more frequently I think I disappoint myself. I set such high expectations for myself and others. It's not good. Thank you for writing this book.
Blessings,
Kristina
Wow what a timely Word for me today. So many years of thinking I'd missed the boat on my life's purpose and direction.thank you for letting me know it's not too late
My name is Angel. And I am excited about your book. I find me and my friends stuck in the very area of Doubt. We really desire to get out so we can reach the city we live in. So I pray that when reading your book we will be able to walk this out. (Great time to start a bookclub)~From worry to WORSHIP…Amen!
Renee,
Thank you for your words of encouragement this morning. I have always put my families needs before my own and in the process I have lost who I am and what does God want for my life. Your book sounds like a good read for me. Have a Great day.
Cindy H.
Needed this reading today. Not only am I comparing myself to a strong woman at work, but also comparing myself to a strong man at work. It's an unhealthy combo. I look forward to reading your book and letting it soak in.
My daughter is 20 and she is struggling with what to do with her life. So far she has not experienced God's peace and that troubles her. I empathize with her since I am 46 and I don't know what it is that I should be doing right now. In the past, I've been in the place I needed to be; but now I am sensing the need for a directional change and I have no idea how to go about it or what direction to go. We both need help!
As you described the book it felt like you had written it specifically for me. I have had so many lows lately and I needed to read your devotion and blog today. God's timing is perfect.
Diane
Right before I read today's Proverb 31 devotional, I prayed that I would go back to being the person I was when I first turned my life over to God. I was confident and trusting in God. My faith was so strong, and I started becoming the woman God made me to be. I was a foster mother to 9 beautiful children, and through that I adopted my precious son who is now almost 4 years old. Through the past 5 years, I have forgotten the woman I was then. I want to find her again, and be the woman God wants me to be; no matter what anyone says I can or can't do. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for me, and I ready to find out what that is! Thank you, Renee not only for this devotion, and the book you wrote, but for asking God what his dreams are for you and for listening! Through this you not only helped yourself, you are, also, helping hundreds of women across the globe!!!! I pray that God keeps using you and that you keep listening!!!
What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of precious familiarity on the topic of unpredicted feelings.
Thank you. I thought I was the only one who didn't have a dream for who God made me to be. I've been trying very hard for the past year and a half to discover that, but it still seems to elude me. My prayers appear to be unanswered, but after reading your blog and realizing I've taken spiritual gifts inventories, personality inventories, etc. I have a new direction…I haven't put them all together and really looked at them with prayer! Again, thank you for the encouragement that I'm not alone.
Kelly
This morning when I got up I asked God to speak to me today on why I feel like I do. I am sitting here in tears after reading P31 today. I am 44 and all my life I have devoted all of me to what everyone else needs. When I step out to do something that I have an interest in I get no support or feel condemed for doing it. So here I am I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Still wishing I knew who I was. Praying for God to reveal the real me He intended. Thank you for this ministry, you have blessed me.
Wow Renee, it was like I was reading about myself in what you wrote in Prov31 devotion today. Thank you for the hope and encouragement. I look forward to reading your book to learn more about having a Confident Heart. Blessings
Cathy
Outwardly, no one would ever look at me and think I doubt myself. But I am constantly wondering who I am in Christ and what His purpose for me is. I look forward to reading your book. Thank you for snippets of it already!!
Your words made me stop and think today. I've been divorced almost a year and am struggling with finding myself. I didn't want the divorce but had to realize I couldn't change my husband. I've also come to realize that I don't really know who I am, what I enjoy doing. I think I became wrapped up in my ex-husband and enjoyed those things he did. As I began to look back over the years, I noticed I've always identified myself with a man, boyfriends and then my husband. I look forward to learning who God wants me to be and developing a closer relationship with Him as well.
I would love to know what my dreams are, but more I want to know what God has for me. I feel I just go from day to day, hoping I do something worthy.
Thank you for sharing God's word with me today. It spoke directly to my heart
I am excited about the possibilities of this book! I think just about every woman I know has one confidence issue or another! I'm going to think about presenting this to my Bible study group! Thank you, Renee!
Leslie Mears
I'm now 56 years old and as the years fly by I wonder if I am who God planned for me to be or if I am who the world wanted me to be? My passions are creative communication, people and administration – I've learned this through 2 Spiritual Gifts inventories. I manage a 300 person group of volunteers at a local hospital – but I feel called, pushed, prodded, to do something else. Is it God? I think so but I'm not sure how to move on.
I think that as women we think we are to take care of everyone else and their needs. We lose ourselves in our family, friends and work. Then when someone does ask us "What do you want to do or be" we are lost.
God did make us fearfully and wonderfully made…to do for His kingdom not for "our" kingdom. He gave each of us a specific trait of what His plan is for us.
I agree "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up". And here I am 51! Time to let go and let God!
This really hit home with me. I have always done what was expected of me without a lot of thought of what I am good at or what I really want to do. You have encouraged me to seek God and discover His purpose/design for me. I look forward to reading your book.
Wow! I needed this today. At 37 I frequently am ashamed of the fact that I "don't know what I want to be when I grow up". This book is made for me!
I ran across your blog after readin the P31 for today. As soon as I started reading, I immediately said to myself, "I hate when people ask those type of questions because I never have an answer."
I'm a soon to be 25 year old tax consultant… I'm not sure what my true purpose is or what God's desire for my life is. As you stated, I too am a people pleaser and tend to be who people who need me to be. My prayer from now on will be for God to reveal who He wants me to be.
I'm sure that as I reconnect with Him, He will reveal exactly what it is that will fulfill both His desires as well as mine. I hope that I can soon know the real me!
I often forget in the heat of mistakes and wondering why I do the things I do that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you for reminding me.
What you said today really resonated with me — especially, your observation that the LORD made us to complete each other not to compete which each other. Bravo!