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A guest post from Heather Bleier:
I grew up in the security of knowing my parents loved me and loved each other dearly. I also knew Jesus as my Lord, Savior, and confidant and that He had a plan for my life. I was excited to find out what He had in store for me.
With a flair for drama, I’d break out into song anytime and anywhere…grocery stores were my favorite. When I was five, I boldly told my mom I was going to be the next Celine Dion. But as my faith grew, I decided to become a contemporary Christian artist instead. I joined every choir I could. By middle school I was in our church’s Praise Team and adult choir, plus two of my school choirs. I could picture myself being on stage one day, singing my heart out for God; perhaps sharing a duet with Celine Dion at one of my concerts.
Life, however, rarely goes the way we plan.
As a young girl a man exposed himself to me and tried convincing me to follow him into the woods. Although I didn’t go with him, it left me feeling confused and ashamed. My parents divorced while I was in middle school. If that wasn’t hard enough to process, just before I started high school, my ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me.
I wanted to be strong for those around me, so I chose not to tell anyone.
Throughout high school I pressed on, pretending nothing bad happened. I became a skilled actress, fooling even myself. Food became the only controllable thing in my life; going without for days at a time. When I graduated, I moved to Austin, TX to go to college. It was supposed to be a fresh start. I was supposed to be able to leave my pain in San Antonio, allowing it to vanish from my memory. It didn’t. Instead, my wounds were torn open when I was assaulted again in the fall of my freshman year. I silently clung to the cross harder than ever.
Still, I felt broken and empty inside, useless for ministry or marriage. How could someone prevail, becoming a woman of purpose and confidence?
One night, I hit rock bottom. God’s Word told me He was with me, but I felt forgotten and alone. As I stood in my room in despair, I thought about taking my own life as I held a knife to my wrist. I begged God to tell me how any of my past would fit into His plans. I needed to know; otherwise I had no reason to remain in existence. It was just too hard.
There are no words to describe what happened next. The devil’s hot breath was in my ear, urging me forward. But then I felt God wrap Himself around me, holding on to all I was worth as I crumbled to the floor. He spoke Jeremiah 29:11 into my heart, and I fully surrendered my life to Him, my plans, and every broken piece of my heart.
Through every trial, every pain, I had to cling to the promises poured out in God’s Word. Instead of being ruled by my ravaged emotions, I learned to stand firm on His unshakeable Truths.
Healing hasn’t been easy. But it’s been possible as I have filtered my thoughts through God’s Word… which is unchanging, true, and from the One who loves His children beyond what we can hope for or imagine.
I have clung to Psalm 46, especially the first two verses. Regardless of how I “felt” the Truth remained, God was WITH me through every trial, every pain, and He caught every tear. This simple Truth stays with me even now when hard times come.
Music has been another way God has spoken His Truths and comfort to my heart in a BIG way. I found music artists that helped me stay focused on who God is and who I wanted to be in Him. Margaret Becker’s album Soul was the first Christian CD I remember owning and every song filled me with hope, comfort, God’s Truth, and some really awesome 90’s dance moves.
Every day I have to make a choice. I can either choose to be swallowed by my painful past or my daily circumstances. Or, I can have faith in God’s plan for my life. I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.
To be the woman we want to be, we must see ourselves through God’s eyes. We must cling to the cross of Jesus Christ and to His promises. He does not falter when our emotions run circles around our hearts. His view of us does not change…ever. We will always be His children. As His beloved daughters we can become the women HE wants us to be!
As Renee shared in Chapter 11, God tells us we are:Chosen, Redeemed, Loved, Remembered, Secure, Able and Called.
These are Truths worth clinging to. We don’t have to be confident in ourselves rather, we must have confidence in God’s love. Confident that He sees us; He knows our hurts and where is needed. He also knows our whole story and how it fits into the lives of others.
I so agree with Renee: “I pray that you will become a catalyst for other women to learn to live in the power of God’s promises because they have seen it happen to you.”
I didn’t become a professional singer. God moved in my heart to become a Director of Christian Education. He showed me that my calling was to help lead others to His heart, to demonstrate trust in His plans above our own…no matter what may happen.
Thank you so much Heather for sharing your story so vulnerably because you wanted us to see and draw near to the power of Jesus’ healing and hope. You have reminded us that it is in our brokenness and surrender He uses our dreams and gifts – to offer others the same comfort, redemption and encouragement we have found in Him.
Friends, I pray Heather’s story touches your heart and brings you hope as you read chapter 11 and ask God to help you become the women HE created you to be. He has a plan and a purpose for your life!! And He wants you to give away each day – a little bit or maybe a lot – by sharing what He’s given you through Jesus.
In 2010, Heather married her best friend and the love of her life, Daniel. They brought their first bundle of joy, Stacy, into this world last December. God is also using Heather, and the power of His healing in her brokenness, at the church where she works now, leading a middle and high school youth group and teaching middle school religion part-time. Heather also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries serving on Melissa Taylor‘s Online Bible Studies leadership team. You can connect with Heather on her blog Transformed, or on Facebook.
Your Turn: Would love to hear your thoughts about Heather’s story and how it touched your heart today. “Share your thoughts” below and {if you are in my online study} feel free to share your answer to one or two of the questions at the end of Chapter 11. {If you are reading this via email, click here to return to my blog.}
Next week we’ll finish our Online Study with a word of the week, a guest video and a message from me as we talk about how we can live in the truths of Chapter 12. And I’ll have a short survey to find out your interest in a summer study and what you’d like for us to talk about based on the topic of listening to God. Be thinking and praying so you can share your thoughts next week! 🙂
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Heather is spot on when she said, “to be the woman we want to be, we must see ourselves through God’s eyes. We must cling to the cross of Jesus Christ and to His promises.” What she said goes hand-in-hand with my answer to question number 2 from the book. Question 2 …. “Describe who you were when you started this book and compare her to the woman you are becoming as a result of learning and living in the power of God’s promises.
When I started this study, I was a lady who knew about God. I knew the Lord loves me, and wants me to follow Him. Now, I understand that God truly loves me. Having a deeper understanding of His love for me, I have even a deeper passion to do the will of God. I have claimed promises of His that help me to grow confidently in Him. Chapter 8 was a huge chapter for me. I am taking away from this study that I am to complete other people, and compete with them. I have a clearer understanding that the Lord made me unique, tailored just for Him and to be used for His glory. There is no need for me to compare myself to others. Ephesians 2:10 is now a life verse of mine. I understand that doubt will still creep in, but now I have another resource to use to help combat those doubts and to stand on His promises.
Heather’s life story was inspiring and moving. Thank you for sharing.
I have also been through alot with my past and I know that staying in the Word and having a relationship with the Lord is so important. Daily I try to stay in faith, praying often for others as well as for myself.
Reading scripture brings much comfort. The Word has encouragement for every problem. Its guidelines are also important because we can stay in faith and have inner peace with the grace our heavenly Father gives us as His chosen children.
Heather, thank you for sharing your story! Praise be to God that you didn’t let your past hinder your future! As my grandmother would say,”You can’t stop the birds from flying around your head, but you can make sure they don’t built a nest!” You didn’t let the enemy fill your head with lies and hold you back. God bless you and your family.
Your story is so encouraging to me, because nothing in my life has gone as I dreamed, yet I see God’s love every where! We don’t have to be confident in ourselves rather, we must have confidence in God’s love.” This statement rocked my world, I have never been the same, since clinging to that truth. Thank you both!
the years of being “quiet” do not make it any easier to finally share … those years can make it harder, or given the genuine compassion of others it can help you to decide it is time… God knows, He was there… not to direct the painful time but to hold us and keep us with him… it is always in God;s Time… He knows when it will happen…. Every place we go, every day we live will get us right where God wants us… Alittle pain , a little sadness, but so much love is waiting
Heather, so thankful your able give hope to all the girls and men that feel hopeless because of heartaches!!! Only Jesus can set the CAPTIVES free, and thanking God you’ve been set free! I give God praise and glory when I hear testimonies that the devil has been caught in his destructive lies! John 10:10 the thief has come to steal, kill and destroy BUT our God has come to give us life and life more ABUNTANTLY !!! I was left at the hospital when I was born and then kidnapped . Then when I was five years old was kidnapped and hidden for five years! Had a book come out in April ~ Abandoned But Not Forsakened!!! A very sad story BUT tells how Jesus saved me as I was going down the hallway to get a gun!!!!!!!! God is my life and he wants us tell others that he wants them to know him and has a great plan for their life’s! God Bless you sweet friend & pray to hear from you:)!
Sounds like you have an incredible testimony to share Dana!
<3 Heather
I am going through a lot of trials and tribulations in my life right now and feel really good about knowing that I’m not alone. I’m having a lot of anxiety and I’m a little panicky and I can’t pin point as to why or what’s making me feel this way. I want my faith to grow but I’m having a difficult time doing so. Please help.
Praying for you Betsy. God promises He will never leave you (alone). When I feel anxious I sit down and deep breath and say memorized scripture that promises peace, love, grace and so on. This really helps me. I even close my eyes and pray for inner peace as I slowly talk to myself and also “hear” God whisper in my ear through scripture or quotes I have learned. I hope this helps you, too.
Betsy,
Im praying for you tonight sweet friend. When we face ongoing trials and constant struggles, that stress can build up and the load can become too much for our emotions to bear. Sometimes I need a good dose of sleep, or a walk in the beauty of His creation to remind me of how good He is and how much He loves me – just seeing the colors He chose to make the sky, the trees, the flowers shows me His tenderness and attention to details that would speak to my heart.
Sometimes I need to listen to music and let the words of a worship song replace my worries, or read through the Psalms. Also, I share in chapter 9 of my book, there have been times when my chemical balance got knocked way off after a year of unending and multiple unmanageable crisis that led to stress-induced depression. And my Dr {who is a strong Christian} recommended anxiety medicine to help me get back to a place of balance. As much as I didn’t want to take it, I couldn’t keep going the way I was. It wasn’t fair to my family and I knew I was going down fast. So I tried it, and it made a huge difference.
I believe with all my heart in the power of prayer and God’s word. But sometimes He also uses Drs to lead us to something more we need. I don’t know that for you but I think it’s important I share that part of my journey bc so many Christians feel guiltily for taking medicine for anxiety or depression. I don’t think it’s the first thing we should do, but if we’ve done all that we can and we’re still sinking, it’s time to get wise, Biblical, medical help. Im so glad I did. And so is my husband, my kids and my co-workers!
I hope you’ll try all of the things I’ve mentioned first to see if your heart just needs some space to breath and some beauty to restore your soul 🙂
Being a nurse, I can empathize with you. Not having experienced panic attacks or anxiety of that debilitating level, I can only hope you will find relief and release from this binding condition. In prayer, I will be strong for you.
Betsy, it is ok, even encouraged, to not know what you are anxious about. Please don’t take this as cliche’, it is what I often tell my patients. “Admission is the first step to cure.” You did the hardest part. Admitting that you don’t know what you are anxious about. the easy part will be to out a name to it. Praying for you and being strong for you until you can be strong for yourself.
Having survived two sexual assaults myself, tears welled up in my eyes as I read how Heather dealt with the blows and changes to her ‘perfect plan’. Also, while reading this, though painful memories returned to my heart, I also felt freed because there really IS someone out there who knows how I feel and isn’t ‘just saying it; to appease me. Finally, I also want to say that, although I haven’t been able to forgive one of my attackers, because he is a neighbor, and my son is very close friend of his children, I can let my son go to their house knowing that God is watching over him and me, and that, maybe, one day, I will be able to look at my neighbor and say “I forgive you”. Thank you for the love you shared and the support you have given me, even though you don’t know me and don’t know I exist.
Stephanie ( and Heather) I am so sorry to hear about your painful experience. No one should go through something like that and my heart ached when I read this story and your comment. Stephanie may you find peace and strength to be a forgiving woman and share God’s grace. You’ll be in my prayer tonight sister.
Im praying for your Stephanie, And now I do feel like I know you… in a small way. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know God wants to pour out His healing and bind up the broken places, to make you whole again. You are redeemed and set free my friend. I pray peace and comfort over your heart tonight!!
Stephanie, I am praying for you, too. God bless.
Never have I felt so much like I really belonged. To anything. Women, Godly women from all over the country, and maybe the world, are showering me with compassion and love that I have not experienced in any other setting. Thank you, Renee. Thank you, Heather. Thank you, Corina, for taking the time to touch my heart.
Sweet sister, you are never alone. God has been with you through every hurt, every trial.
Father, thank You for being Stephanie’s refuge and shield. Be now her victory as she learns to forgive by the power of Your Holy Spirit. By forgiving others, we are set free from burdens that keep us from living they full and abundant life Your Son talked about. Strengthen our sweet sister, infuse her with Your Presence and empower her by Your Spirit. Thank You for bringing her here today, showing her she is truly not alone. Amen
You all have encouraged me so much by simply reading my thoughts and responding to them. through the program ‘Celebrate Recovery’ that I entered about the time this study began, I learned a very important thing. Survivors of sexual abuse feel a tremendous lack of self worth. Tonight I can say, with pride, that I am obviously worth something, or you all wouldn’t have responded so lovingly to my post. Thank you for giving me the encouragement I need to continue my Recovery from these events that stripped my worth and identity.
Hi Stephanie, I just wanted to share this song by Matthew West called, “Hello, My Name is”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJlCj9_Sfj0 I hope it helps you know that YOU are worth more than you can ever imagine!! I will be praying for you♥
I heard it last night on my shower radio. I cried when I got to the part about being a child of the One True GOD. Was able to truly believe that now. I have been able to come into the light. thank you, Renee.
Tears flowed so freely just now. It is so much more powerful seeing the lyrics and singing them at the same time. I am SO happy that god brought me through those two terrible events to be able to smile through a song like this.
Hi Stephanie! Prayers are coming your direction from me as well. Know that God has a unique and wonderful purpose for your life. There is no one like you who can accomplish what you can accomplish with Him on your side! I’m so glad you’re plugged in with Celebrate Recovery. That’s an amazing program! I will continue to pray for your total healing and for God to use the story of your life as only He can! Jeremiah 29:11, girl. It’s so true! 😉
Heather- You rock, girl! I can’t wait for the next time I see you (whenever that might be) to squeeze your neck and hold that awesome new little one of yours!
Renee- Fierce prayers from a sister in Christ in Western PA continue to come your direction (and all the others on the executive team) as you lead and facilitate Proverbs 31 Ministries.
Blessings and peace in Christ to you ladies! May those reading this know the fullness of the joy and love God showers on us all despite whatever has come your way to steal the Truth of the faithfulness of our Lord and Savior!
It’s so hard to remember that I’m chosen, accepted, and redeemed in The Lord. But Heather is right, our confidence is in God, not ourselves. So the more time we spend in His presence and His word, the more faith (shield) and scripture (weapon) we will have against the judgmental comments of the world. It is daily shift in both attitude and perspective. I hope I can pass on this message to some students I will be speaking tonight…
Thank you Heather for sharing your story. Very powerful testimony!
This story really touched me. I’ve always struggled with how men view me and always figured I I was just the right weight they just might love me, want me and accept me. I see myself as a beautiful woman, but that’s just the face, my body, in my eyes has always been the problem, the undesirable part, the part that always kept them away. If I was only the right weight they would call me beautiful and chase after me too. I just always wanted to be desired. You see, this story really touched me because I forget to see how I look in God’s eyes. Last year, the man I am in love with told me I was physically unattractive to him and that’s why he didn’t want a relationship with me, he would rather a skinny girl. He later told me he thought I was beautiful but at least once more after that brought up the first comment. I always feel like I am lacking something, what’s wrong with me? Why aren’t I married? Did I miss something? What do I need to get off the checklist…oh yeah my weight. This has plagued me since I was a little girl and now at 33 I feel so hopeless and defective in this area. I am trying, I have tried, and at this point I just hurt. I just want to be enough, I now know God loves me, accepts me and makes me whole, I just don’t understand what is wrong on the male front. The guy I love keeps me at arms distance, lets just say I came to realize his baggage is quite large, however he calls and tells me he misses and loves me every couple of weeks. I know my worth and value come from God but I have to be honest I don’t know if I see myself like he does, I still feel like if I was just healthy He would give me the desires of my heart. Thanks for sharing your story, I believe it has helped me in a whole new way.
I can relate with wanting to change my appearance to please men, and all girls struggle with this, regardless of weight, popularity, single, married, etc. I also never thought I was particularly beautiful and had body image issues. I had to learn to trust God with everything and understand that He accepts me. I learned to accept myself, little by little. I was born with a physical impairement to which there is medication but no cure. I don’t usually discuss it with a guy unless we’ve been dating awhile. But on my first date with my now-husband, he kept pressing until I gave in and told him. Later, he related that when I shared my sickness was when God told him to give me a solid chance. God told my husband that I was very special and precious in His eyes. From then on, our relationship took off and i always felt free to be myself around my husband. I know that it was God who made me beautiful in my husband’s eyes. And yes, I know I’m slowly losing my youth with each passing day, but both God and my husband assure me that they will not leave me.
So take heart and don’t give up. Spend more time with people who love and accept you just as you are, especially God. And He will bless you richly, dear sister.
Julie, what wonderful words of encouragement!
<3 Heather
Julie, thank you for your kind words. You have spoken my untold story. At 17, overweight, and unfriended, my mom told me “it’s no wonder you don’t have a boyfriend. You don’t have a very pleasing package.” I have carried that message with me until now, at 48, I will be 49 June 12. I weigh 213 pounds. At one time I was 189 and looked good and felt good. Now I hate myself again. Maybe some of it is medication induced, which as a nurse I understand, but not all of it is. My emotions won’t let me get passed the message my mom spoke to me 31 years ago. What do we do now?
The common saying goes, it takes seven compliments to undo one criticism and parental criticism have a half of decades. Let God speak into you. We all have so many voices that we could listen to, so let’s listen to positive affirmation from the one who created us in His image. God’s word is our weapon in the face of destructive criticism. Renee has provided us in this chapter and the next with some choice verses for those difficult times. God is for you and He wants you to find peace and joy in Him. May you turn to Him today and be richly blessed!
There is no way that you could ever understand how much I needed to hear this message today. It has blessed me beyond measure and lifted my spirit. My heart has been heavy recently. How wonderful of you to share this story. Thank you so very much.
And b/c of how much you needed this… I want you to know the timing was all God. I had written a whole other post for today, and then it disappeared completely when I tried to save it. I was sooooo upset. But, then I found this post – which I had been looking for in my archives, for weeks. Jesus is so full of amazing surprises and it’s b/c HE is crazy about you and knew THIS is what you needed 🙂
God is so faithful! He provides what we need at the perfect time.
<3 Heather
She reminds us to keep going. Sometimes I forget that and wonder what is the use. A good reminder .
Thank you Heather for your testimony. It has brought back a past memory that I need to take to the Lord. I love how God can take wrongs done to us and use them for HIS glory. I think for me learning to use HIS words to replace mine will help me to stay focused on HIM.
Thank you Renee for having this testimony. You are a blessing.
Heather’s testimony was powerful….reinforcing trust in God even when life seems out of control, not how we planned. It took me a long time to put my trust in God. I still struggle with it. My gut reaction to when things don’t go as planned is to run away (literally or emotionally) …I’m trying to change my reaction to running to Jeaus. I’m facing a long distance move back to a familiar place where life was not easy. Slowly, I have come to realize through prayer that I am meant to go back and deal with the issues head-on….that running away doesn’t solve anything. The past 3 years, I have turned to the Bible, bible study, Christian counseling, and Christian books for guidance. A Confident Heart is my last study before I move and it came at the perfect time. Thank you, Renee, for putting into words and study what I needed (& lots of women needed!)
thank you for this post – having confidence in God’s love.
“I now know faith isn’t about believing everything will turn out well…it’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out.” Yes, I was deeply touched by Heather’s testimony. Thank you Heather for sharing your story.
Thank you Renee for writing this book. I love Chapter 11 I love that I am Chosen, Redeemed, LovedRemembered,Secure,Able and called. “Everytime doubt casts its shadow over us, we will run back to Jesus, turn toward the light and stand in the shadow of the cross WHere Everything Changes”!!!!!
Thank you Heather for sharing. Your words jumped on my heart: faith isn’t ‘t about believing everything will turn out well… It’s about trusting God NO MATTER how things turn out. I am copying that down to carry around w/ me in my purse for a daily reminder. God bless.
Life rarely goes the way we planned, and I thank God for that! One thing God’s been teaching me, and teaching me, and reteaching me (He’s so patient, right?) is that I need to keep my hands and mouth off of HIS testimony. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, but that testimony is the testimony of Jesus Christ and His marvelous work of redemption and grace in our lives. I’m so grateful HE knows the plans HE has for us. I don’t need to know the plans, I just need to submit.
Selah! “….keep my hands and mouth off HIS testimony.” That sort of struck a chord when I read it. Might you be able to explain it more so I am sure I have the right idea? I am very thankful that God is so very patient with us. Yes! “I don’t need to know the plans, I just need to submit.” He has the big picture and we don’t. We have as much as He determines is necessary. Again, we must trust Him completely and obey step by step. God bless you!
Yes, keeping our hands off His testimony AND my mouth. Wow. I can see how This is going to be a new reminder to me daily. I have tried to help God in many ways. It is time to stop. Thank you for saying this.
Praying for you, and your family, and your son, Renee. May God’s still small voice become the loudest voice he hears!
Isn’t it funny that when we choose to “keep silent” our hurts scream the loudest? Jer. 29:11 has helped me through the most difficult times in my life- and have been my anchor to hold to when I swear I was drowning in hurt. Thank you so much for having the courage to share this with our group.