fbpx Top

Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

Read An Excerpt: Chapter 1 & 2

Shaping Your Child’s Character

UPDATE: I’m back from TEXAS!!! Wow, what an amazing time we had. I have photos and stories to share as soon as I get come braincells back. If you were there, I’m so glad you joined us. I hope I got to hug your neck or see your smiling face in the crowd!! Wasn’t it a blast? Truly, one of those times that will be forever engraved in my heart! Never in a million years did I imagine I’d have the honor to be part of something so God-sized. I wish all of you could’ve been there with us!!

If you are new to my blog, welcome! We are in the middle of some parenting posts. Today I want to share some practical ways we can learn and live God’s truths with our kids. If you’re just joining us, please read Wednesday’s and Thursday’s post to help this all make sense.

I eventually took down our poster board, which was faded and falling apart after a few years. I had started speaking and had lots of moms asking me to create a chart for the. I wanted it to be more easily accessible – something I could keep on my kitchen table or on the refrigerator, so I designed the Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child character chart in the size of a calendar. We had them professionally printed and are about to go into our third printing this month.

The chart includes 24 character traits. It has four columns for each train. The first column lists the traits as “Golden Attitudes and Actions” with a child-friendly definition for each trait. The second column includes a corresponding “nugget of truth” (Bible verse) for each trait. The third column is called “Bring it to the Surface” and includes three ways we can live out each trait and put it into action. The fourth column lists the “dirt” (sinful traits) that bury the gold within.

Although the concept is geared toward kids between 4-11, the principles can be adapted to live and learn with older kids, too. Having easy access to the information makes it so much more doable for me. And I have to say, God has used it to shape my character and make me more aware of how I can act and thinking like He does.

Here are a few simple steps to get you started (either with the MFG chart or with a list of traits you create yourself):

Discuss the Value of Character
Talk with your children about the importance of character. Explain to them that God is most concerned with who we are on the inside, which is reflected in our character. To get familiar with the different character traits, review one trait along with the definition and verse each day or so for the next month.

Determine to Learn and Live God’s Word
After reviewing the traits, look for ways to live out a golden attitude or action and verse each week. Each character trait includes a definition and a list of ways you can model it in everyday life. When our kids were younger, we put the verses to the tune of a favorite song or made up a jingle of our own. It really helps the kids and us memorize the verse that goes with each trait.

Dig for Pre-existing Nuggets of Gold
Give this new adventure is a positive start. Look for attributes that come naturally for your child. Here are a few examples to help you identify the gold already hidden within:

  • Is your child compassionate — caring about someone who got hurt on the playground?
  • Is your child generous — offering to give a friend one of her toys or part of her snack?
  • Is your child responsible —taking out the trash or making his bed without being asked?

Develop a Reward System
Be sure to praise your children for showing good character. Take time at dinner, in the car and at bedtime to talk about ways you and your children have lived out the traits and verses. Kids live for affirmation.

Don’t Get Overwhelmed
Teaching character doesn’t have to be another to do on your list. God wants it to be an everyday part of your life. But it will take some time and some tools to help you get started. Here’s how I have formatted each trait in the chart.

 

Use Kind Words
Speak with words that honor others.

Nugget of Truth: Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Bring It to the Surface
Say thanks if someone does something for you or gives something to you.
Say please when asking for something.
Tell others what you like about them.

Dirt that Buries the Gold
Sarcasm: Proverbs 4:24
Rudeness: Ephesians 4:29
Bragging: James 4:16

You may want to develop your own list of traits, verses and ideas on index cards, or click on this link to find out more about the“Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child“ chart. It includes everything you’ll need in a simple format to make it easy and fun. And I’ll be giving two sets today, too.

I would love to hear what traits you’d like to start learning and living with your family!

Copyright 2009, Rene Swope – All rights reserved.

 

*************************************
Today’s Mom Give-Aways

We’re giving away two sets of my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child“ CD and chart, two tickets to the D6 Conference and a year’s worth of Family Devotional Magazines from D6.

To be part of these give-aways, click on “comments” below. PLEASE include your email so we can get in touch if you win and I’d love to know where you are from.

Comments

  1. Renee, I have struggled with family devotions for years, but you have given me some ideas this week. Thanks. I have a 14 yr old that needs to see the importance of devotions, and a 21 yr old that needs the encouragement that studying together will bring.

    Have a good day,

    Sharon [email protected]

  2. Your posts are very encouraging. I have some great kids (5 and 3). They are very compassionate and helpful (most of the time). However, my husband and I know there a lot of work to shape and mold their character. I am interested in learning more about your chart. We are in Georgia.
    [email protected]

  3. I have a 3 year old son who is the kindest, most compassionate child. I would love to be able to continue to encourage these traits, as well as others. I love your blog, thanks so much!

    Lisa
    Nashville, TN
    [email protected]

  4. I can’t wait to begin this with my 9 year old son. I want to thank you for sharing all the wonderful information. It’s so great for those of us who don’t come up with these ideas ourselves. 🙂

    Thank you.
    [email protected]

  5. Joyful – you might check out Josh McDowell’s “Family Devotions” books – he has one for younger kids and one for olders kids. I think they are great conversation starters.

    Renee – I cannot tell you how very much I NEED this training on gold-digging! God has definitely given my oldest a sense of compassion and generosity (she regularly saves money in a jar for “kids in the hospital”)….my youngest? Well, it’s time to start digging! 🙂

    Thanks for entering me in your give-away!

    [email protected]

  8. I have a little boy who will turn one next week. Recently, I have really felt God urging me to study His word and look at resources about training children. Thank you, Renee, for the awesome information on your blog. It has come at just the right time.
    Melinda
    [email protected]

  9. Renee,

    This morning we just finished our morning devotional book and I am checking out your material for another to start. I so need the encouragement daily!

    Praying traveling mercies for you ladies today! Thanks for coming to Houston…maybe we can even get you to College Station next time!!!

    [email protected]

  11. This is great info! As a mother of twins, I am always searching for ways to incorporate good everyday “habits” in training up wise young people! I just started reading your blog this week and am hooked! This is just what I needed – thank you!

    [email protected]

  12. Hi Renee! Thank you for your posts. I stumbled across your blog today and I am so thanksful that I did. My daughter has been having a difficult year in school. She is good at so many things. She is compassionate and caring but she is focused on the schoolwork that is hard for her and is convinced that she will never understand. This has begun to hurt other subjects and is giving her a false belief of not being able to do anything. It is heartbreaking when our encouragement and belief in her do not seem to have an effect on her thoughts of failing. As I read through many of the January posts, I began to feel hopeful. As if God led me to read these messages. I now see new ways which we can help our little girl. Thank you for all that you do, Renee.
    Christine
    [email protected]

  13. Renee-I just found your site from the Proverbs 31 daily devotional emails. Wow I think the Lord is really speaking to me through you. I have 3 children 4, 3 and 18 months and I work full time. I really try to be a good caring mom to them and teach them about God in a daily way but find it a challenge. I am excited to try and put your Heart of Gold into practice in our home. I know the only way to change a child is through God’s help and by touching the childs heart. however, this is not an easy task. Thanks for your motivation. I look forward to reading more. P.S. I am in Montana.

  15. Compassion and responsibility are 2 traits my kids really need to work on. My oldest who is 8 is so absent minded and at times very lazy. My youngest who is 5 still struggles at school daily with being kind to friends. She still hits and kicks kids alot…It is very frustrating as we dont know where this has come from.

    We have started to use a calendar and allow her to put sticker on it each night if I dont get a call or bad behavior report from school.

    Would love to learn more about applying God’s truths when teaching these traits to kids

    Blessings

    Kim
    [email protected]

  16. Dear Renee,

    My children are very tender and caring, but lately, have had some attitudes less than godly creeping in. I do not want to lose my self control and yell, as my parents did and would love any resource to help build more godly character in all of us. Thank you for even having this give away. What a blessing, especially to us budget challenged moms. Blessings.

  17. Good morning! Last night in Houston was amazing. We are so blessed to be able to attend Girl’s Night Out. My wonderful husband was able to spend quality time with our 3 little ones.

    One quick question: Where did you get your jeans? They fit you great and I need to get some.

    Thanks again for your ministry.

    Mollie Stopher
    [email protected]
    Houston, TX

  18. Good morning! Last night in Houston was amazing. We are so blessed to be able to attend Girl’s Night Out. My wonderful husband was able to spend quality time with our 3 little ones.

    One quick question: Where did you get your jeans? They fit you great and I need to get some.

    Thanks again for your ministry.

    Mollie Stopher
    [email protected]
    Houston, TX

  19. Thanks so much, Renee! Your ideas came at a time that I was so discouraged as a mom. (I have a 5y/o and a 1 y/o). Now, I’m so excited to “mine for gold” in my children’s hearts.
    [email protected]

  20. Hey Friend, I’m waiting in the Philly airport for my next flight. Just needed you to know that I can receive email today, but cannot send anything. So I’ll send the batch out on Sunday night.

    Can’t wait to hear all about Houston – call me when you’re in the car this week and fill me in!

    Been praying for you ~ Rachel
    PS. Also let me know if you still need a D6 from me or not. I can write on the plane ride home.

  21. Renee,
    Thanks so much for breaking it down for us! Your chart sounds great. What a wonderful thing to have posted on the wall, not only for the children but for Mom as well. I often need visual reminders throughout the day to help me as I deal with managing and teaching my children. Look forward to your example!

    [email protected]

  22. I have learned so much from reading your posts. Each time I read a message, I find I have more patience with myself and with my little girl and I am renewed in my enthusiasm to teach her about God.

    Thank you!

    Tecca
    Durham, NC
    [email protected]

  23. Renee,
    Any ideas how I can gear this toward a 2 year old? Sometimes, I wonder if I am trying to push too much on him. I am scared that I will confuse him.

    Thanks,
    Amanda
    [email protected]

  27. I just began reading the Daily Devotionals on Proverbs 31 Ministries this year, and wow they have already helped me as a wife and mom so much! I love your post about character in kids–I want so much to help develop those traits God has already placed in my children. Thanks for giving us some practical tools to try at home!

    [email protected]

  29. Renee,
    Thank you for all the great practical ways to help our children. I am in a bible study now, Sheparding a childs heart. Your ideas are fitting in nicely with my bible study.
    God Bless You and your family.
    Cheryl
    [email protected]

  31. Thanks so much for creating this. I am sure it would look disastrous if I drew it up. I will have to check it out when I get home this afternoon.
    I was online last night at 7:20 wishing I was listening to you all. Next time I will plan better.
    [email protected]

  32. I am going to pray these traits for my daughters each day, log them in my prayer journal, share with them what I am praying for them. You have given me a plan..a God-ordained plan and I am excited about it. As I had stated yesterday, I have been praying for those unwanted things in their life. What better way to “trump” the unwanted by praying for positive charater traits. Thanks for this insight!!

    In His Graces~Pamela
    [email protected]

  33. Hi Renee,
    Thank you for taking us to where the “rubber meets the road”! I need concrete examples and am excited about trying to implement your ideas.
    God bless you!
    Pam
    [email protected]

  34. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for, lately. I have three children 5 and under. My heart is always burdened with my want to instill God’s truths in them, but I always feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I am excited that your chart and CD exist to provide a starting point! Thank you for your time and energy and for answering His call for your life. Blessings!
    [email protected]

  35. I read your post yesterday and in the afternoon as my son and I struggled thru his homeschool kindergarten reading lesson, I thought of the gold in him. It is great to hear your stories and I’m looking forward to applying them.

    Glad to hear things went well last night – God answers prayer! Looking forward to hearing more,
    Blessings,
    jill

  36. Renee,
    Your “Mining for Gold” character chart and CD sound like great alternatives to the frequent time-outs my energetic 3 year old son has had lately. (He’s fairly motivated by the “potty chart” I’ve made!) How much better it would be to give him hope and encouragement in positive qualities as well as instruction that will shape his tender character for life. Thanks for your resources!

    Metamora, IL
    [email protected]

  39. I am so thankful for the traits you pointed out today. I was up until 10:30 last night talking with my 7 year old daughter about respensibility as this has been a real struggle for her. As the oldest of 4 children, I depend on her being responsible for the things she knows she has to do as well as the things I’ve asked her to. Needless to say, she has fallen very short latley and this has been the source for much strife. By 11:00ast night I was totally ready to turn in my “pink slip” as my day just ended with her finally going to sleep only to turn around and start my day at 5am with the baby like I do every morning(my husband works late at night and needs to sleep for awhile in the morning so I’m on my own) Anyhow, my daughter is compassionate and generous and I rarely focus on these as well as her other positive traits…thanks for that perspective this morning since I was just wondering if I could muster up enough strength to make it through another day. Now, I feel armed with a new perspective and a new plan…thanks so much.

    Jennifer, Grann Rapids, Mi
    [email protected]

  40. Good Morning Renee. I was just reading your blog and really think these ideas and thoughts can give our family a boost. Our oldest son struggles with trying his best at whatever he does and I believe that his confidence in himself is not all that great. If I can instill God’s purpose for his life deep in his heart, I think he will have the confidence to try hard each day. Shaping his character is the first step. Thanks for your help and ideas!

  42. I starting reading your devotions just this week and it really hit home for me. I am a teacher and have a little boy in my class that I am trying to help become a can-do kid. Thanks for the great ideas! Rhonda

    [email protected]

  43. Renee- I am new to your blog, and am so encouraged by your transparency. I found your blog from the Crosswalk Proverbs 31 email. I am the SAHM of 4 great kids- the oldest turning 6 yesterday. Unfortunately, since the 4th one came along about a year ago, I have been really struggling with trying to manage anything.
    I have been feeling a call from God to get more serious about teaching character to my children- and to hide the word in their hearts so that they can do battle with the enemy effectively one day. I am so intrigued by your mining for gold chart!

    Blessings,
    [email protected]

  44. Like Betsy, I am always looking for new ideas even though my children are almost all teenagers. The task has become more challenging in many different ways as each year passes, so I appreciate the new ideas that are presented here and within the blog responses. Thanks and have a great weekend!

  45. Renee….I’ve already been reading posts from gals who attended the event yesterday. Sounds like all went really well. I WAS on my knees during the times you were speaking – morning I was literally on my knees praying, evening, due to an emergency trip to the hospital I was on my knees in my heart, but I was before God’s throne of grace – can’t wait to hear more!!!!! (My Aunt had a mini stroke and my parents wanted to go to the hospital to be with her and they can’t drive at night, hence my trip to Emerge!) Thanking the Lord today for all He did for you!

    As I was reading this post today…wondering…I’m finding it hard locating a devotional style book we can use during our Family Worship time at dinner. With a son who is almost 17, I realize almost any of the ‘adult’ devo’s will do, but nothing is just leaping off the shelves at me. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas? Thanks. ([email protected])

    One more year of character shaping before my son goes off to school. Don’t want to waste one moment.

    Love, prayers and hugs,
    Joy

  46. I feel that my son is already such a caring boy! If he senses that I am upset about something, he will tell me, “it’s okay, mommy.” When I get hurt, he wants to kiss my boo boo. I really want to nurture that aspect of his character!!
    Jessica
    [email protected]

  48. Hi Renee! Thank you for your posts. I stumbled across your blog today and I am so thanksful that I did. My daughter has been having a difficult year in school. She is good at so many things. She is compassionate and caring but she is focused on the schoolwork that is hard for her and is convinced that she will never understand. This has begun to hurt other subjects and is giving her a false belief of not being able to do anything. It is heartbreaking when our encouragement and belief in her do not seem to have an effect on her thoughts of failing. As I read through many of the January posts, I began to feel hopeful. As if God led me to read these messages. I now see new ways which we can help our little girl. Thank you for all that you do, Renee.
    Christine
    [email protected]

  49. Renee,
    Thanks so much for breaking it down for us! Your chart sounds great. What a wonderful thing to have posted on the wall, not only for the children but for Mom as well. I often need visual reminders throughout the day to help me as I deal with managing and teaching my children. Look forward to your example!

    [email protected]

  50. I read your post yesterday and in the afternoon as my son and I struggled thru his homeschool kindergarten reading lesson, I thought of the gold in him. It is great to hear your stories and I’m looking forward to applying them.

    Glad to hear things went well last night – God answers prayer! Looking forward to hearing more,
    Blessings,
    jill