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Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

More Encouragement for Moms

Philippians 4:9, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.”

I would love to know the age of your kids. (Please post a comment to let us know). My oldest turns fourteen in May and my youngest just turned eleven. I have noticed that passing my faith to my children seemed so much easier when they were younger. They were like little sponges, usually eager to learn Bible verses and other things I tried to teach them. Well, not so much anymore. Now I’m the sponge who is listening to all the wisdom I can get from other Christ-loving parents who have special insights into the hearts of teens. One thing I am learning is that it’s not so much what I say, but how I live that influences their faith most. Today, Suzie Eller is back to pick up from where we left off yesterday. She surveyed hundreds of teens for her book, “Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parents Needs to Know, ” and this week she’s telling us what they said about how parents can hinder or help their faith. Here is what she wrote:

Your teen will hear a thousand messages about faith in their lifetime, most of them from people who don’t believe. So what we show our children about faith becomes even more vital.

But what are we teaching them? I talked with hundreds of teens and they said there are four things that parents do that can make faith difficult to comprehend. Yesterday, I shared two common mistakes, and today I have two more:

Mistake #3—Hypocrisy

Christianity is not an easy choice for teens. What does your teen see in you that will help him make that choice? Hypocrisy is imposing double standards. You have to do this, but it’s okay for me. It’s putting on a church face, but having a different face at home. This was the number one reason that teens said they turned away from faith. Their view of God was complex. What is real? What is not?

 

Mistake #4—Fail to Support Them In Their Faith A few years ago a teen stood outside the church. She had been gone for several weeks and had not responded to phone calls. She put my hand on her stomach. Pregnant! I wanted to cry. Several weeks earlier we had a powerful youth service. It went longer than usual. Parents waited outside while the teens prayed. I watched this teen. She was on the outskirts, but I could see the longing. As she walked toward the altar, her parent burst through the door and took her by the arm. She was angry because she had to wait in the car.It was inconvenient. She did have to wait too long. But I wonder what the teen lost that night.
If you deliver your teen to a youth event or have been asked to pull out one more dollar for a youth activity, you are investing in your teen’s spiritual life. Right now, there are parents who are on their knees crying out to God for their unsaved teens. If your teen is running toward God, take a moment and thank God—and then run with him.
T. Suzanne (Suzie) Eller is a Proverbs 31 speaker, youth culture and parenting columnist, and author of books including Real Issues, Real Teens: What Every Parents Needs to Know. Visit Susie’s blog or Suzie’s blog for teens.
Thank you so much Suzie for sharing your wisdom with us. I can’t wait to read your book! If any of you have questions or thoughts for Suzie, please post them in a comment below or stop by her blog today.  Tomorrow I’ll be traveling with my girlfriends to Texas for our Girls Night/Day Out with KSBJ on Thursday. I would treasure your prayers for safe travel and for everything leading up to the event, and for me to not be nervous but completely consumed by God’s grace and overflowing with HIM! Before I leave, I’ll be sharing my story of learning how to pass on my faith to my kids when they were younger. Although I said it was easier when they were younger, I didn’t mean it was easy. But there was a day in March 1999 that God gave me a whole new perspective and sense of purpose as a mom. It changed my life and our family as God showed us how to make Him part of our everyday lives.See ya tomorrow! Copyright 2009, Renee Swope – All rights reserved.

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Today’s Mom Give-Aways

D6is giving away one of the conference speakers’ resources – Angela Thomas’ best-seller “My Single Mom Life”. (A great book for all moms, single or married. From overcoming mommy guilt, loneliness, setting healthy boundaries to living the amazing life God has for you and your kids, Angela covers it all. I am reading it and loving it!)

To be part of these give-aways, click on “comments” below. PLEASE include your email so we can get in touch if you win and I’d love to know your kids ages and your city/state or country. PS. Be sure to sign up soon for the D6Conference! Early registration ends February 2nd.

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Comments

  2. Thanks for your cautionary advice. It reminds me to not be too authoritarian but more grace-filled in raising my children. As the youngest in my family of origin, I witnessed how my sisters, once passionate for God, departed from church activities altogether when too much “control” and not enough gentle grace was applied during their teen years. In contrast, I experienced more acceptance, freedom to make mistakes, and emotional support once I became a teen. I hope not to be too legalistic and controlling, but I recognize that this is part of my family experience I need to guard against.
    My children are Eliana (5), Benjamin (3) and Naomi (1). We have recently discovered some great devotional/family time resources (We have yet to begin a family night). Devotions for Girls/Boys: God and Me by Lynn Marie-Ittner Klammer (Legacy Press). There are devotional books for boys/girls–two books each for ages 2-5; ages 6-9; ages 10-12 and another book called The Christian Girl’s Guide to Being Your Best. The 2-5 age books have a daily theme, Bible verse, story with questions, prayer and activity (sometimes a craft).
    We also have enjoyed learning Bible verses with materials from Scripture Memory Fellowship International (St. Louis, MO). They have a series of memory books from toddlers through adults. Preschool books include the ABC Memory Book and Bible Forget-Me-Nots. They include free “reward” materials with shipment.
    The National Center for Biblical Parenting (www.biblicalparenting.org) has resources for family time activities. We haven’t used these materials yet, but they look good–Family Time Activities for Preschoolers (Wiggles, Giggles, and Popcorn; Bubbles, Balloons, and Chocolate). These are basically activities like science experiments, art activities, and games utilized to teach Biblical truths. I notice they sell 3 other books of activities for all ages and one for teens called Tried and True. Kirk Weaver is the author. These seem like helpful D6 materials.
    Has anyone else discovered valuable materials/family traditions that develop faith in their family? We’re a young family and always interested in new posibilities.
    [email protected]

  3. Hey, Mom2Navybrats!
    What a great comparison! My children are 5, 4, 2, and 10 months so it will be awhile before I could use that example but what an awesome way to explain the importance of youth group to children who play/enjoy sports!!! I’ll have to write that one down. That was totally a D6 moment–Good for you!
    Thanks again Renee for the blog. Even though I don’t have teens yet, I think that will be a very challenging time in our household and I have enjoyed the parenting advice on leading teens in their faith. It’s always good to be prepared before you get to those challenging teenage years!

  4. Keeping all of you in my prayers. I know you will have a great conference and lives will be changed for eternity. I have three children, four if you count the baby in heaven. Kayla is 16 and will be 17 in May. Christopher is 4, will be five in September and Kaitlyn is 3, will be 4 in November. I was told by doctors I would never have any more children after Kayla. If you new the lifestyle I lived, I should have been pregnant a hundred times…but for some reason, the gracious Lord showed mercy and grace. After five years of sobriety, I met my husband, got married, conceived on our honeymoon and the rest is history!

  5. thank you so much for the wisdom that you shared with all of us who are just trying to get it right. My children are 9 and 11; so we’re not in those teen years yet, but it’s right on my apron strings.

    I struggled with my 11 year old about 6 months ago because he did not want to go to youth group. He said it was the same stuff he’s already heard and he knew it so he didn’t need to hear it again. He’s also active in every seasonal sport; so I compared youth group to practicing for soccer, basketball, or baseball. You’ve done it before, but you continue on because it makes you better. The coach even tells you the same thing at every practice but you still listen and on different days, different points will click with you and help you improve. Youth group is just like that. The more you go, the more you improve as a Christian and that’s even more important that being able to play a sport well. Hey, I think I had a D6 moment. 🙂

  7. Suzie’s “mistakes” touched me. I often find myself in a hurry – hurry to get somewhere, hurry to get home. I certainly don’t want to be in a hurry when my children need me to help them build their foundation of their faith.

    Thank you again Renee for this series. (I also haven’t had the chance to thank you for the Girls’ Day Out tickets! My daughter and I are looking forward to it!)

    My children are 12 (daughter) and 10 (son).

    Lori J
    Dallas, Texas
    [email protected]

  8. Thanks for the reminder of the impact our actions have on our kids. It seems that I find myself nagging more than teaching most of the time. I have a teenage son in the home, turns 15 tomorrow and an 18yr old daughter in college. I’m humbled today and reminded that I have to be diligent in praying for them.

    tammy, tx
    [email protected]

  9. Hello! I have 2 boys 19,17 and 2 girls 15,10. I look forward to reading your blog daily. I must tell you that with my older son, he is away at school now, he is finding his way to the Lord in a much more personal way than when he was at home. I feel he is nurturing his relationship with HIM and enjoys sharing what he is discovering on his own. This makes him more receptive when I wish to share my insights with him. My 17 yr old is actually taking the Wendy Pope challenge with me, he has his own copy of the Chronological Bible. I can def see that the example we live is what speaks loudest to our childern. For as they grow older they are def more aware of what we do than what we say.
    Laya
    West Virginia
    [email protected]

  11. I enjoyed the thoughts yesterday and today. I can see how these things influence teens, looking back over the life of my older kids. My oldest is 30, my youngest 14. In between are 25, 24, and 21. I’m praying I don’t make the mistakes with the youngest that I made with the oldest. With God’s help, I don’t think I will.

    Sharon [email protected]

  12. Thank you again for sharing.

    Even though this is for teens. it can be applied to kids of all ages…

    My kids are: Nathan-5, Gabriella:4 and Lucas:2.
    Our kids are so aware of things.. esp my 5/4 yr old.
    I defiently have to be careful about my actions .. beacuse they are at the age of acting what they see. If I am not in a good mood.. it gets repeated through their attitudes in how they speak to me.
    Then I have to correct it… and realize that I have to watch how I react.
    and also.. how they view God now will stay with them as they get older. I struggle sometimes in the how of teaching them the right way.
    But they are so eager to read and learn and I want to use that…
    Please pray for us.. that we can lead them in the right way.. so that they will want Him in their lives.. and want to live for Him.

    Chrissy Gunning
    Littleton, NH
    [email protected]

  13. Forgot to include the age of my children, I have two girls and a boy in the middle they are 20,18and 16.
    Blessings,
    Margaret, NC

  14. Thank you for more wonderful words of wisdom. And thank you so much for reminding us that we are investing in our teen lives through the activities, trips, camps and services. My wonderful husband and I have 3 children (girl – age 18, boy – age 15 (almost 16), girl – age 14). We live in Pottsville, AR and I am so thankful that God has laid these messages on your heart and the hearts of your fellow bloggers.

  15. This book keeps sounding better and better! When we sit and think of how our most effective way to witness to our teens is by our actions it sure makes you think back over some pretty big mistakes. Hopefully I will learn from them and not make the same ones over and over.
    Loving this segment on teens!
    Margaret, NC

  17. Hello! Great food for thought again this morning. I have 2 girls and 1 boy: ages 16, 13 and 11 (12 in March). We live in Lancaster County, PA. Thanks!

    Susan
    [email protected]

  18. Hey, Mom2Navybrats!
    What a great comparison! My children are 5, 4, 2, and 10 months so it will be awhile before I could use that example but what an awesome way to explain the importance of youth group to children who play/enjoy sports!!! I’ll have to write that one down. That was totally a D6 moment–Good for you!
    Thanks again Renee for the blog. Even though I don’t have teens yet, I think that will be a very challenging time in our household and I have enjoyed the parenting advice on leading teens in their faith. It’s always good to be prepared before you get to those challenging teenage years!