When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
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I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
It never ceases to amaze me that just when i think i’m starting to get it together Satan will dredge up something from my past and throw it in my face starting the whold doubt/insecurity thing all over again. We must keep ourselves in God’s word and not even open the door a crack for Satan to get his foot in. If we let him get that foot in pretty soon he has wormed his way all the way in wreaking havoc in our thoughts and lives. Thank you so much Renee for this devotion. I know i’m a bit late but, severe back issues keep me from being on my pc a lot lately.
I started reading a Confident Heart this weekend and this blog touched me in very painful places today. I can’t leave my past behind so I can enjoy my present and future. This blog has given me the tools to forgive myself. I need to forgive myself so that I can love God more and let God love me. Awesome message!
Thank you so much for providing this devotion. Although I read it the day you posted it this morning in my quiet time God nudged me to make my timeline and get more of the healing I desire and need. I am going thru a divorce now and I want to be completely healed from all the pain that I have endured thru this and my lifetime. I believe God wants me whole and more than anything I want to be. I don’t want to go another minute with out being healed. I have learned hurt people, hurt people and I don’t want to cause pain to anyone. JJohnson
This is such a new journey of courage for me. Learning to let go….and let God be the centre of my healing. I pray for courage, strength and gut courage. Thank you for your website and blog to encourage me.
My church and I are going through a healing process and your devotional as well as your book, “A Confident Heart” is just what I need. Thank you so much and God bless.
Thank You for your genuiness. I have been struggling with feelings of comparison, critical thoughts, and such. Its so hard to overcome it and you said it bang on with (my paraphrase) If we are a child of God why do we see ourselves as unworthy? Why can’t we see what He sees, how He created us? I am always, ashamed to say, thinking “oh yeah she would do that ministry so well.” Diminishing myself and basically rejecting God’s plan for me. I’ve really enjoyed receiving the 7 day doubt diet emails, they are definitely an eye opener and tool set to defeating the defeatism spirit! May God continue to use you and bless you and your ministry :0)
Thank you for your devotion and for your book!! I am going through the Proverbs 31 study of your book and it was so nice to read Chapter 4 and then have your devotion be on Chapter 4 as well! I was a little unclear on how to make the timeline before I read the application notes on your devotion and now that I understand I am planning on working on my timeline tomorrow. Thank you so much for your ministry!!
I too have struggled with numerous aches from my past and not so distant past! I have been learning so much through these daily devotions and I have numerous speakers on my iPhone such as Beth Moore who has helped me greatly!! Thank you for sharing the heart of God with me!!
I woke this morning unusually early & thought I’d get a start on my day. For whatever reason, the enemy of my soul was able to take advantage of this & immediately fill my heart & mind w/doubts. Soon, I found myself in tears & wanted to quit everything, even the things I hadn’t committed to yet. Fortunately my husband had the presence of mind to stop on his way out to work, (which spoke volumes to me because he was running late). I was able to go back to bed for a few hours. When I woke, God gave me kind of a “do over” pass & sit me down in front of my computer to look in my inbox & find today’s devotion. THANK YOU Renee, for your obedience to speak god’s truth in love to my heart today! I’m going right now to His Word to fill up & sit at His feet.
Thank you Renee. I am stuck in an area that needs healing — not from wounds from others, but wounds from myself. And I need to take time to really process that pain with Jesus. But I didn’t realize that need until I read your devotion today. I know it will be freeing, but it’s kind of scary too — I want to be free, but I’m so used to these “crutches” that I have a hard time being willing to give them up. It comes down to a need to trust in God’s goodness, which I am just beginning to. Thank you for gently challenging me to do so.
That was so helpful for me thank you very much! It’s been a continued journey of dealing with an alcholic father as a young child, a legalistic and dysfunctional mother and loosing my father when I was 23. God is good he’s never left me nor forsaken me. Your devotion confirms that.
Where do I begin? I have been very troubled lately and I know the Holy Spirit is working in my heart. I have so far to go. I have walked a Christian life, but I am not so sure I have lived a Christian life. I have failed in being the Christian wife and mother that I should have been. I have been a coward. I have not stood up for the Lord of my life so I am not sure people have even seen a difference in me. I need a confident heart so that I can live the life Christ has truly planned for me.
This is so awesome! This echoes the process of a recovery program I am in. I love the clarity of these words and the scripture and comfort and deep love I can feel in them. I want to share this with all of the women I know who walk through life with the baggage of their past pushing them around. I have done so much of this work myself and learned that only Jesus and the Holy Spirit can help me heal. It has been at time terribly painful, but the healing that has come as I’ve trusted the Lord and let Jesus take the pain…is amazing. I am free from much of my past. As the days reveal those things that continue to hold on, it is easier now to turn them over and ask the Lord to cover me and heal me. Thank you for the depth of your love and compassion to share these insights so clearly.
Thank you for this Renee. I had joined Celebrate Recovery, where I did find healing…but I also found judgement and condemnation. So, on one hand, I was healing, but on the other, I was being thrown back into the pits, so to speak. I often think that nothing can hurt worse than ministry people coming against you. I suppose it is because I know they are (claiming to be) servants of the Lord.
Your words have been so important to me; so comforting; so promising. I have wondered, on occasion, if you knew my story, would you turn your back on me too? I tell myself you wouldn’t.
I so desperately need someone to care enough about me not to turn away. I sit here in tears as I type this. I feel so pathetic. I know God has more for me, but this is so hard.
I promise I will continue to try and I will put my faith in Him for healing. I only wish there was someone I could call a friend.
I am fortunate to now have a loving husband, but he is all I have. I only wish I had a girlfriend I could laugh and cry with. Maybe you could pray for me. (thanks)
Thank you for this Renee. I had joined Celebrate Recovery, where I did find healing…but I also found judgement and condemnation. So, on one hand, I was healing, but on the other, I was being thrown back into the pits, so to speak. I often think that nothing can hurt worse than ministry people coming against you. I suppose it is because I know they are (claiming to be) servants of the Lord.
Your words have been so important to me; so comforting; so promising. I have wondered, on occasion, if you knew my story, would you turn your back on me too? I tell myself you wouldn’t.
I so desperately need someone to care enough about me not to turn away. I sit here in tears as I type this. I feel so pathetic. I know God has more for me, but this is so hard.
I promise I will continue to try and I will put my faith in Him for healing. I only wish there was someone I could call a friend.
I am fortunate to now have a loving husband, but he is all I have. I only wish I had a girlfriend I could laugh and cry with. Maybe you could pray for me. (thanks)
Renee, I’ve been patient in praying, and I can forgive and forget very quickly, but I have got a problem with my Mother, I think she hates me, because she always find fault with me, I dont know why but the harder I pray the more my Mother hates me. And if something happens to me, she’ll ask me where is my God now.
Renee, God always knows what’s best for me and His time is always remarkable. This past weekend I was challenged to start praying about some childhood memories that are painful and repressed. Your P31 devotion was the perfect encouragement to continue this process. Jesus was there all along and now it’s time to recognize where He was. I would love to win a copy of your book and learn more of your story.
Thank you Renee for this series on Doubt. I’ve spent most of my life doubting my abilities and wanting to be active in church but afraid to take the chance on teaching and other activities. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I know and trust Jesus as my Lord and savior and with His help I’m slowly overcoming some of my self-doubts and this series is helping me a lot. I need to find the triggers to my self-doubts and I’m trusting Jesus to help me. Thank you for your help.
thank you for your post. right now i am focusing on digging deeper into God’s word and my relationship with Him. Thank you for the chance to win two copies to be able to share with a friend.
This is the second time in three weeks that I have read something about holding my past hurts against my husband and it being bad for our marriage especially since he isn’t the one who hurt me. The first time I could only glance at it because I knew I didn’t have the right heart to even read about how wrong my expectations of him were so I had to pray about it for a few days then swallow hard and soldier on. This time it still hits me but I’m understanding mire and just praying that God will stay after me and help me get over it and move into the blessing he undoubtedly has for me.
this is what I needed to read today…thanks so much for encouraging through your words!
Thanks for this blog today. I’ve gone through the forgiveness/healing process so I understand what you experienced. This post was a good reminder of how God brought me through, especially as I’m beginning to write my story.
I felt like I was reading my own story as I read the P31 devotion yesterday. I have dealt with much of the pain and worked through some of it, but like the idea of the timeline and feel like I have more to work through. God is so faithful and speaks to us in so many ways. My confidence has really been shattered these past 2 months for absolutely nothing except Satan honing in on my weaknesses and my mind. The mind can really make matters worse, I have really been leaning on God and his promises, but need to rebuild my confidence in Him as well. Thanks for all you are sharing while going through your own struggles.
Thanks so much for the post yesterday; (which I just read today) I needed this word so much. As I read this post God began to reveal to me that I had issues; I thought I had dealt with these long ago, but as He talked to my heart I realized they had not completely been healed. Now that I know where I stand with this I am able to begin really getting healed. I see now that these issues are probably why I haven’t been able to get my relationship right with God. Thanks again Renee, I am praying for your ministry, it blesses me so, Billie
Thank you so much for being real and sharing from your life. I would love to lose the doubt and heal the hurt!!!!
The Lord has been talking to me through your posts and some other places. I too have some broken dreams and unspoken unmet expectations. It’s hard to look at that little girl inside of me and see how vulnerable she is and how much she just wants her Daddy’s tenderness and affection toward her. I’ve tried so hard to be tough, stick my chin out and hold my head high and power through the pain. All it’s gotten me is a lot of loneliness and a pile of broken relationships. I’ve been learning for the first time in my life about how my Heavenly Father sees me, who He says I am and that has brought me a lot of peace and strength. I was raised in a Christian home, grew up in the church and somehow I missed all this. For a long time I’d ask over and over what ARE these promises of God that people keep talking about. I feel like I’ve found that treasure box finally, the one that He made just for me. I’m not there yet but I’m getting there. Thanks Renee for your honesty and vulnerability.
Thank you for sharing your struggles of life with us. It helps us tremendously to know that we are not the only ones going similar situations. God bless you!
Tears are slipping down my face at the reading of these thoughts. I am here in this moment at a physical place of facing years of abandonment and rejection . . . memories I didn’t even know that were still hurting me. I would rather have not come back ever! but here I am and you have shared the Truth of God’s Word to show me how to heal the ancient ruins.
Dear God, bind my wounds so that I can move on a whole person in Christ.
I just got done reading “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain”. It could not have come at a better time. I am struggling right now from an almost crippling depression. I have hurts from the past that I have not dealt with. Thank you for being so transparent and honest in your writing. You have given me hope and courage to face the hard things of my past. I know that God is mighty and able and that He will walk through this with me, for He has proven Himself faithful over and over again. Again, thank you Renee for being yielded to God’s call on your life. God Bless you and your ministry!
I can so relate to much of what you share! I too was missing the father figure and had horrible things happen to me as a child. Here it is 20 hrs later. After I’ve done much work and counseling……..out of what appeared no where things r popping up again. Feeling like I’ve already dealt with these and shocked by the disarray it has caused in my life…..I seek counseling. She said I’m suffering from post traumatic stress. I am still shocked how much it is throwing me off but realizing this past will always be a part of who I am. I just have to figure out where it fits in now so that I can remember but not be dragged down by it!
Oh, how I can relate to today’s message. I feel like I’m looking into a mirror of myself. I never realized how marriage can be so very frustrating. Your devotionals, my bible study groups (many done individually) and lots of praying have helped me enormously. I’ve discovered that every time the devil puts these horrible thoughts of my past in my mind, I fight back often verbally. It’s a minute by minute battle of the mind but with God’s grace and singing Christian songs aloud (with radio), I know that it works for me. I’m having a more positive outlook on life as a result. With Christ, nothing is impossible plus Never Give Up!
Thanks for being so real.
Renee, hi! really enjoyed reading your devotional today.
When I read your thought of the day, “I Haven’t Got Time For The Pain”, on Proverbs 31 Ministries,it got my attention! It was as if it was reading MY own journal! I felt so alone but now I know that I’m not! God bless you!
I am just getting to read your devotional today and I was so encouraged. I lived my childhood in an abusive family and married not once but twice to abusive men. I have found that God is the only source of comfort for me and believe me He has helped.
I would love to get a copy of your book. I was privileged to read the advanced 7-week plan and felt so blessed but I have not been able to purchase the book. I know there is so much more in there that would benefit me. God Bless you for using your talents to serve others.
Hi Renee…Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I have been stuck for so long and reading your story is a great encouragement to me. I now have hope that I can move forward. Thank you for the opportunity to possibly receive a free copy of your book.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Renee. Would love to have another copy of your book to give to a friend at church, actually I have been sharing some of the things from your book with our ladies Bible study group. I am not sure how to process everything from my childhood, I do forgive my family members.
As I look back I was very shy and insecure from when I was probably about four years old. My story is hard to explain. My parents were Christians, but if we went to the chapel (which was considered church) on base it was because my mother took me and my sister occasionally. She also taught us the commandments and a few other stories in the Bible. My dad, an airplane pilot in the Air Force was gone alot. We lived four years in Okinawa, then Florida, then another two years in Okinawa.
After my dad retired we moved to Laurel, Mississippi, where my parents were both from. We settled down there and my parents started to church where my grandmother and some other relatives attended. At age 16, I became a Christian, my parents rededicated their life to the Lord and my sister was saved.
The teen-age years were difficult for me. I did not who I was or what I wanted to do. My mother said things that made me feel I was not good enough, that I would fail at everything I do, and I felt defeated most of the time. We had several disagreements.
Then, one day I was visiting at my grandmother’s house. She had stepped outside to hang some clothes on the line. My grandpa was still inside with me (alone) and he inappropriately touched me, then kissed me. I immediately backed away then my grandmother came in the back door, I told her I had to get back home. I was in tears and I told my mother that her dad was sick and what happen. All she said was don’t go up there alone anymore, I felt lost and rejected. But, now I knew the truth and what my grandpa was really like and I was scared. She never talked about what it was like to live in the same house with him, but through the years I found out from an Aunt, how he treated her the same way as he had treated me. It is like some kind of family secret kept throught he years. Let me say this, years later a friend talked to my grandpa and he was saved and baptized_which I am glad, but it is still hard to process everything.
My mother later died from cancer. All that guilt and hurt just came flowing through me after she passed away. I felt if I had been a better person, if I had not been so selfish, maybe God would have let her live longer. It was my fault God took her, so this added pain on top of pain for years I stuffed this inside me.
About five years ago, I had some counselling and was able to process some of this and after reading your book and God’s promises it helped me to trust God’s Word, so God has given me the joy, peace and happiness I have been needing in my heart. I do have a wonderful, Christian husband and twin boys, God has blessed me with. So very thankful!
This devotional was a huge encouragement. God does rebuild the ancient ruins. I am learning to wait on him and that my expectations are in Him alone.
Thank you so much Renee for being such an inspiration and encouragement to me! I’ve been dealing with alot of hurt and doubt for a little while. I think by God’s grace i’m starting to finally stamp it out, little by little! I deal with alot of doubt about God’s plans for my life. He showed me at a very early age what I’m supposed to do with my life, and has given me countless opporunities, encouragement, and reassurance about it, but still I doubt. I know I need to reflect on His goodness and truth, and not my fickle feelings or Satan’s lies. If anyone sees this, please pray that thought the Lord I can finally conquer this doubt. I want to have joy and excitment in God’s big plans for me and not suck all the joy outta them! Thank you for your posts so much 🙂 They’ve really, really encouraged me!
I’d love to have a copy of your book A Confident Heart! I, too am asking God for healing. My heart has been broken and bruised for a long time. I have started to journel on my path to healing. I realize that until I release my “stuff” it stays. Your updates have encouraged me in this process. Thank you!
THANK YOU for this post and the P31 post. I too am dealing with pain from the past and not quite certain ‘how’ to let Jesus have it. I am sensing that God is saying to look at Scripture and the answers are there. Sooo hard to let go.