When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
____________________
I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Thank you for the great devotional today! It really spoke to me. I know that I have a lot of hurt from my past that I need to deal with and hurt right now from what we are going through with both my husband and I trying to find work. It has been very rough since my husband lost his job in July.
Renee, I am glad I read this article. I needed this. Please this is my story too. A sudden rush of anger and rage at what I think is unfair treatment, I am an emotional wreck and ruining my relationships. Yes childhood issues lead to bitterness and even though I love God I sense this is a real battle. Thanks for what I see as the detailed directions. I am going to pray these steps starting tonight. Would you bear me up please?.
God bless you for being so real and sincere.#
I was on crosswalk and read your devotion today. I love this perspective on healing. For many years, my family has ignored hurt, which has led to hurt along with the ability to ignore it being passed down for generations. The cycle will never change unless one of us is willing to deal with past hurts and break the cycle. I have been praying for that person to be me. Your book looks like a GREAT addition to my healing journey 🙂
What a great devotional today! It is so important to bring Jesus and His light and life into our hearts and any pain residing there!
This devotional hit home today. I have spent much of my life parked in the past. The hurt I have felt from my father destroyed my self esteem and self worth. Four years ago, he passed and I’ve been searching for closure that I will never have, and answers to the questions that I can never ask. I have two beautiful daughters and a loving husband who seems to always fall short of my expectations. You nailed it today….I’m expecting him to fulfill my “happily ever after”. I think I also pass this burden down to my daughters…now 26 and 19. My 26 year old now finds herself unmarried and pregnant. She is a college graduate with an ok job so I guess things will work out but this is not the “happily ever after” I dreamed for her. I find her situation somehow a reflection on what I did wrong as a parent. My youngest daughter just ended a three year relationship with the guy who I thought would be her “happily ever after”. My dream guy for her. He treated her like a princess yet they are too young to be so serious. Nevertheless, I find myself mourning the situation as if it was my breakup. It all stems from the past and the fear of my children or grandchildren not having the perfect father or that perfect “happily ever after”. Thank you so much for writing this devotional. I needed to hear this and even though at times I think I have walked through the pain, it is a reminder that I still have work to do. I thank Jesus for taking me as far as he has so far and I will trust in Him to keep me moving so I don’t park again. God Bless you Renee.
Thank you Renee, for every devotion you share. Each time I read something you have shared, my heart is moved.
I grew up in a good home, no real problems, except that I grew up insecure in who I was/am. I am now in my 60’s and at times, I still feel inadequate in who I am.
I do not see myself as a strong woman of God. Rather I find myself doubting myself and if I am praying w/others, it seems I close up and have a hard time.
But I know IN CHRIST who I am – well I know in my heart … it is the doubting self that continues to interfere.
I think some of this went into my daughter, who at 38, called by God to sing and speak to others about teenage rape, drinking, suicide, she doubts herself and carries her past instead of giving it up and living a Spirit filled life.
again, thank you for all your encouraging devotions.
God must have wanted me to read this post…it may have hit the nail on the head for me. Lately I have been feeling so discontented, angry at nothing, and retreating from the world. I am married to the most wonderful man, (3 years on the 17th) and was married to my high-school sweet-heart for 29 years before cancer claimed his life…so God has blessed me with not one, but two wonderful men in my life. I think that my heart is full of hurt and pain from an abusive parent…I know that I need to get rid of it and move on. But I don’t seem to have any success. Please pray that God will help me learn to release all the pain in my heart.
My father passed away when I was ten my husband and I went through many struggles much like yours Renee. I thought our problems were all my husbands fault and some of them were but I read in the Bible you cannot fight evil with evil. I know God was showing me I have to fight evil with love and part of that was forgiving my father and my husband. I still struggle with anger issues but they are aimed at myself now and I am not sure what’s up with that.
Tammy, I am praying God will speak into your life in ways that will help your marriage become even more beautiful than before:)
I love your devotional. It really touched my heart. Your book is great!!! I am having a rough time processing my hurt through my second divorce. I married two men thinking they would be what I needed. I did not ask God. I had a very neglectful father, too and my mother was not affectionate. I am still working on forgiving them. Especially my father. Now I find myself alone without anyone to care for me. I know God loves me but its still very difficult to be alone. Thank you for your words of wisdom and your openness.
Hi, I really related to the devotional this morning more than you’d ever know. I need prayer to look at my husband with love instead of hate. I loved him so much when we got married and I felt his love more than anything in this world. He was injured on the job about thirteen years ago and became disabled, our whole world changed and my dream was crushed. So now I’m very bitter and angry towards him. I hate the feelings I feel, it is taking its toll on me and our marriage. Please pray for me and us. Thanks.
GOOD MORNING RENEE…
GOD BLESS YOU FOR TODAY’S DEVOTIONAL AS YOU ARE ME AND I AM YOU ONLY WITH A TWIST AND THE TWIST BEING…I HAVE YET TO GET WHERE YOU ARE SPIRITUALLY, MENTALLY, LOVINGLY OR WHOLELY! I AM IN A STRUGGLE JUST TO SURVIVE EACH AND EVERYDAY…I CAN RELATE TO ALL THAT YOU SAID YOU WENT THROUGH BECAUSE I AM GOING THROUGH THE BATTLE NOW ESPECIALLY WITH MY HUSBAND WHO CATCHES THE RATH OF MY TROUBLED SOUL AND SPIRIT EACH AND EVERYDAY. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY HEALING AS I TOO WILL PRAY FOR MY HEALING ONLY THIS TIME WITH TODAY’S DEVOTIONAL IN MIND. I LOVE YOU RENEE AND WHAT GOD HAS BROUGHT YOU THROUGH AND OUT AND THE SHARING OF OUR TESTIMONY!
GOD BLESS YOU,
PHYLLIS WOODS ([email protected]) AS I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME TO READ YOUR RESPONSE, I NEED TO READ IT WHILE AT WORK NOW!
Thank you for today’s devotion. I am writing because of my granddaughter who is 14. Our daughter died when she was 31 and left two girls, ages 6 and 3. We adopted both girls and legally changed their last names to ours. Their father had left our daughter with no child support and did not care if we adopted the girls. Our oldest granddaughter has had so many problems with no father, no mother, and living with two old people. Also, she inherited the heart condition that her mother had and at 10 years of age she had a pacemaker/defibrillator installed, another thing that makes her different. So much of what you said in the devotional applies to her even though she does not have a husband. She is mad at God, her father, and us. Please pray for her that the Holy Spirit would heal all her damaged emotions and bring wholeness to her. Thank you.
Thank you for this scripture and devotion. I’m currently healing from my friend and husband having an affair. He wanted to stay with me and I’ve forgiven him but my unrepentful past friend who is trying to get Christian book deals off the whole thing is mind boggling to me and makes it harder to heal. Trying to focus just on Christ.
So what if you have buried the pain – which to most would not seem all that bad as I have had a really good life – so deep you don’t really even know what it is or where it is coming from?
D, I understand what you are saying. I refer to my pain as having been packaged up, very neat and tidy, and it has all been stored inside a huge warehouse – my heart and soul. Thanks to bible studies and prayer, God has started to help me take out one box of pain/memories at a time, open it up and go through it with me. I have been able to unpack and discover where the hurt, anger and meanness has come from. God’s love, the support of my husband and friends has allowed me to face the hurt and forgive. It is so hard to do this! I would prefer to just smile and put the box of pain back in it’s spot, but my heart needs to be free and I know it is something God has convicted me of. Stay strong D – pray, forgive yourself and know that God loves you and so do I. May he bless you greatly this day.
Renee, it’s through you and writing out a timeline of my hurts and emotions that I’ve come to a place where I’m going to get intensive Christian counseling for healing the pain of my past. It’s going to be the weekend of the 28th. Please pray that I’ll be open to reveal my pain and that God will bring healing and freedom. Thanks, from my heart.
Thank you for today’s devotion and your message to those dealing with past pain that there is hope and healing ifyou turn toward God. I went through a very painful marriage of 23 years, with a husband who suffered from depression and addiction, which eventually lead to a painful divorce, followed shortly thereafter with him being killed while being robbed. I can’t describe the pain I have gone through, my heart acually hurt from the pain, which I discovered is an actual condition called Broken Heart Syndrome. But rather than turning away from God, I turned toward Him and received an unbelievable strength to get me through some very tough times. I am the closest to God now than I have every been and know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I encourage all those who are going through any type of pain in their life to hang in there, keep praying and keep God in your life and in the midst of the pain, try to see the beauty in life God has given you. God bless.
I have been in a dry place for some time and my life is seemingly falling apart. My relationship with my husband (whom I’ve adored for 15 years) has taken a negative turn and I’m not really sure why. As I sit in my quiet time trying to figure out what to pray/how to pray about it, I have been at at loss. Reading your post has given me direction. Thank you for your obedience and listening to God’s heart.
This is definitely something I’ve been dealing with over the past week. It seems God is tired of me pushing my past aside and wants me to deal with it head-on. It’s horrible when you didn’t even know how hurt you are but the release so far has been worth the pain dealing with it.
Your words have given me hope, I am dealing with a friendship that has been a struggle for me and didn’t know why. After reading todays devotion, I have realized that my insecurities go back to my early years when I was hurt by my best friend and for no reason known to me, she quit being my friend. So everytime I get close to someone, I keep waiting for the friendship to end. I guess I am the one that keeps pushing them away, so I wont get hurt, but I end up hurt everytime. Praying that I can look into my past and forgive my friend and myself. Thank you for sharing your stories!!
Your writing and honesty explained something so very simple, yet so profound, that I’ve been harboring in my life. What an awakening! Thank you for your truth and for sharing God’s work in your life. You have seriously impacted me profoundly today. I can only pray that God now gives me the strength and courage and guidance to work through things of the past that still hinder me today. Thank you for sharing. God blesses you!!!!