When I was in elementary school, I used to make bouquets out of azaleas and walk down the aisle of my dad’s long driveway lined with magnolia trees, imagining a prince waiting for me on the porch. Those were little girl dreams I thought I’d left behind.
In my devotion “I Haven’t Got Time for the Pain,” featured today at P31, I shared about struggles I had years ago with anger and unrealistic expectations towards my husband. One day God showed me that my broken dreams had become bitter expectations taking root in my heart: I wanted my husband to make up for all that my dad had never been, and it was destroying my marriage.
God showed me that I needed to forgive my father and release my feelings of bitterness, abandonment and disappointment, and invite Him into those hurting places. Only He could bind up my broken heart and set me free from the fear of never have a happy ending.
As I released my grip, God began to heal my heart and my marriage. It was the beginning of a bigger work He was doing in my life. He walked me through a season of looking back so I could move forward, and used that time to “rebuild [my] ancient ruins and restore the [broken] places [in my heart that had been] long devastated” (Isa. 61:4).
During that time, I realized there were several areas of my life that needed restoration. I decided to write out a timeline of my life and asked the Holy Spirit , whom Jesus referred to as our Counselor, to help me see the wounds I had buried in my past.
With each wound, I asked Jesus to heal the pain and claimed Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort [me] and will look with compassion on all [my] ruins; he will make [my] deserts like Eden, [my] wastelands like the garden of the Lord.”
Over time I started to release the pain of rejection, shame, wounds and deep disappointments. Although I knew God wanted me to deal with my past, I also knew God did not want me to dwell in the past. He would speak through His word, reminding me again and again, See, Renee, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland (Isa. 43:18–19).
Forgiving each person who’d hurt me wasn’t easy but it was essential. Often we are afraid to forgive because it might open us up to be hurt again. Or we’re afraid to deal with it, so we just leave it buried. But any time we bury a hurt that’s still alive, it just rises from the dead to haunt us.
In Ephesians 4, the Bible tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love… forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv. 2, 32). Forgiveness was demonstrated on a cross where Jesus displayed His perfect love by dying for imperfect people. At Calvary, Jesus laid down His pain and hurt and chose love and forgiveness instead. His forgiveness frees us to forgive others and ourselves.
Of course, some things are much harder and take more time to forgive than others. When I am really having a hard time forgiving or finding healing from a deep wound, I ask Jesus to cover my wounds with His blood. As Scripture tells us:
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding . . . he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. (Eph. 1:7–8; Isa. 53:5)
As I shared in my devotion, we can’t go back and change the circumstances or relationships that have wounded us, but we can go back and process the pain with Jesus. In fact, we won’t completely heal until we do. And left unresolved, the pain from yesterday can keep us from experiencing all that God has for us today and tomorrow.
As you process pain from your past that you have carried into your future. consider making a timeline of your life with key events, and write down any painful emotions and memories. Then ask the Holy Spirit to remind you where you have been, what those events caused, how far from God those things took you, and how they hurt you and others.
Invite God to enter into those memories with you. Give yourself time to grieve your losses as you ask Jesus to heal them with the power of His Holy Spirit as you focus your thoughts on transforming truths in His Word. As He shows you broken places, ask Him to bind up every wound with His healing touch and set you free from any captivity that has held you until now. Pray His promises. Cry if you need to. Just please take time, sweet friend, to heal so you can be whole again.
* If this is an area of your life you sense God leading you to dig deeper into, more about this part of my journey and this topic are in chapter 4 of A Confident Heart,
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I’m giving away 2 copies, A Confident Heart today. Just leave your name or a comment to enter by clicking on “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. Also, I invite you to share your thoughts about this post, or about today’s devotion, so I/we can pray for you. It would be my honor to do that. I love you sweet friends. God has given me such overwhelming love for each of you!
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Please pray for me as I start this process with the Lord. I so want to move forward with all that he has for me. Thanks and God Bless!
Hi Renee! Hope your little one is better soon!
I’v shared with you before that I had been depressed as far back as I can remember but it did’nt dawn on me that it was depression until this year. I guess since I had been like that since a little girl I thought it was the norm for me. In recent years I have had some vague memories of possible sexual abuse from my childhood. I say possible because in my mind I’m not sure if it was real or a dream. I know that sounds odd but I have wondered if it really happened and if thats the cause of my depression. Honestly, if its true I don’t want to remember anything else. I’v never spoke of this to anyone before but for some reason the tite of your post today “Looking back so we can move forward” brought this to mind.
As I read the comments posted today, I see that so many of us ladies have painful pasts. I’m praying for each one of us to be able to forgive where needed and to live in joy and peace that only Jesus can give.
Blessings,
Janet
Thank you for the devotion today! The past does hurt even when we look back. As we get older we can look back and see it and make sense of it sometimes. Depression hit me hard when I was trying to have a child and then it hit me hard after he was born because I did not know how to be a parent and my life was turned upside down. Had to quite my job. I still have not gone back to work. Time spent with my son is worth a lot more than a job. I can feel God working in my life. I see Him working on my husband. We have been going through a lot during the past month. I turely believe things happen for a reason and my church family have been great! I believe God put some people in your life to test you and some in your life to comfort you. As I look back I my family when I lived with my parents had a lot of problems but I know there are people that has had worse. Depression does run in my family. I have turned to God when I need strenght . Some people in my family turned to drinking and drugs to fight the pain or depression.. Pray pray pray!!!!!! God will put a christian friend in your life to help you if you pray for it! Please pray for my family! I will pray for you !
As I was reading your devotion this morning I felt as if God was talking directly to me. For the past several years God has been revealing to me the brokeness and bitterness/ anger that has built up in my heart stemming from my dysfunctional upbringing. Since June my mom has been battling stage 4 lung cancer. My dad has not been very helpful and very uncaring toward her condition. It breaks my heart to see him treat her that way and reminds of how growing up as a child I remember the unloving ways my dad was toward my mom. Talking would be like walking on egg shells as we as would never know if what we said would turn into big argument. I am 43 and a single mom, suffered though broken relationships, and found that God had revealed to me this last week (confirming through your devotion) my broken dreams and unrealistic expections of finding my “Prince Charming” and having my happily ever after. I now know that I need to allow God to come into those broken places and heal me. I need to be restored allow God to rebuild my life so that He can bring me the person I need and not want. Thank you so much for sharing your story and praying that I God will now start the process of restoration.
Please pray for me. I have asked God time and again to bind up my broken heart. He has yet to do that. I am weary of asking. I am ready to give up. I am at the point where I don’t want to ask God again.
Dear D,
please don’t give up. i know the feelings of wanting to give up are so strong. i, too, have been praying for God to bind up my broken heart. God tells us in Isaiah 61:1-3 (of the coming Messiah), that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. God’s promises are true. Jesus quoted Isaiah in Luke 4:16-20, speaking of Himself and why He came. Through faith in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we are reconciled to God, and that means we are His children, in Jesus and all He accomplished on the cross. So, what God promises for His children, He will do, you have His Word on it. when am weary of asking, i think God must be weary, too. but i was just reminded this morning in one of my devotionals that God never grows tired, and He gives strength to the weak. Isaiah 40:25-31. He knows we get weary. i pray that you will have an opportunity to take in these Scriptures and let God remind you that you are loved. as soon as i read in your post that you are weary, i thought of this morning’s devotional, and wanted to share with you what God says, what He wants you to know about Him. God bless you.
Hi D, don’t give up, wait for Him. I don’t know where you are but I sense desperation, from one sister to another I’m praying you hold firmly to God’s hand ans I know He’ll come through for you sis. Please don’t give up.
When going through the storms . . . do not take your eyes off Jesus . . . Our God is way so much bigger than satan; Please remember . . . God will never give us more than we can handle. I pray peace for you to stay strong and not give up . . . when all else fails . . . read the Bible; even though at the time you may not understand or comprehend those words . . . ask God to reveal what is written in your heart; let you feel His mighty presence – when you think you can’t go any further – feel God carrying you my friend. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE
Sister hang in there , He’s right there with you, seek him. I often have doubts, lord knows, be strong in the lord, god’s got his hand on you. I’m here for you, any time, find me on facebook, or email me, I’ll pray with you. Christina Burgess / [email protected]
Your so special, hugs
Christina
Thank you for sharing your journey! I have never dealt with past issues because I didn’t want to acknowledge or feel the pain. I have always denied just how much things have affected me. My response to trials in my life has always been, ” I’m tough. It’s no big deal. I will be fine. I can handle this on my own, etc.” Now I am forced to make a choice. I can deal with these issues or let them destroy me. I always believed I could conquer on my own until lately. I have developed an eating disorder this past year and am becoming convicted that the only way out of the pain is to go through it. My prayers now are for wisdom. I am asking God to show me what he wants me to do.
Your devotions often enter my life at the perfect time! Two years ago, I was finally free from a past in an abusive relationship, so I thought. I pulled God so close and by his grace gained so much confidence and strength. I prayed and told myself I was forgiving. I really thought I was and I thought I was letting go. I am now in an amazing relationship with a wonderful Christian man. A man who adores me and sees me in ways that I can’t even see myself. I am so happy…which is when it all starts to surface. All the fears, doubts and thoughts telling myself things like “he’ll never marry me, why would he”. I know how ridiculous it is, yet it still happens. I will be creating my timeline tonight and talking with God. More than anything, I want to let this go. Thank you for sharing today!
thanks for sharing today ,i am fighting to get over my pain from my past,i was raised without my father i never saw him,i got married went through a lot in my marriage ,but GOD healed my marriage then my husband died he has been gone eleven years now,when i was getting past that my son died he has been gone three years now sometimes i am fearful to get into another relationship,
Blessings,Thank you for sharing how The Lord has brought you from your desert to your destiny. Just through your transparency I truly believe many shall be made whole and become the women of God that He has called them to be for such a time as this. Some years ago I dealt with pain I didn’t even know I had it was so well masked and one day while in worship the Lord spoke to me and revealed so much to me in regards to how hurt I really was because of my mother who I thought I had forgiven(my way of forgiving) That day I cried like a baby I was healed and delivered and truly set free and the hole that was in my heart the Lord poured His balm of Giliad and joy and peace and wholeness took place. I can only give Jesus the glory.That which was pain the Lord has turned it into a testimony. Thank you again. I truly believe your book Confident Heart will heal the broken hearted and set the captives free.
I needed to hear this , this morning I am and have been struggling with bitterness, abandonement and disappointment from the time I was a little girl. My parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old and for the most part my father has not been a part of my life.. When my husband was alive I put some big expectations on him , that he could never do, we had a lot of problems in our marriage, but I had vowed I woulnd’t have my children grow up without a daddy like I did….I need to go back and handle these things and they scare me. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My life right now is such a mess, please pray that God and I can get through it soon……Thanks again, Lisa
I received your devotional emails from my counsellor who has been helping me cope with depression, suicide, anger etc…I so look forward to your morning emails…i print everyone of them and re-read them throughout the day..of course, being a child of misfortune growing up I have lived thru struggles for my life and now thru struggles of being married to a severe alchoolic…I am so trying to find a way to the Lord but fail so many times with anger and resentment towards HIm…why me pops into my head each and several times a day…I am 53 today and have had this demon follow me for over 40 years…it seems that i am having problems breaking the cycle and at times wonder if its best to give up and finish this horrible ife i am living in…please continue emailing me as i am subscribe to your site…thanks so much..
I can play back the messages I’ve read for this beautiful devotional and they could be my words as well. Throughout a marriage that was anything but good, I tried to stuff the feelings of abandonment and sorrow I felt from my past. My husband was dealing with his own hurtful issues from the past. You’d think the marriage was doomed. Instead, through my walk with God, as my husband was dying from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease), our marriage turned from hurtful, bitter to sweet and loving. Sadly, as my husband became dependent upon machines and nurses for his existence, our relationship became very tender and beautiful. After his passing, I became aware of my depression, but I have faith that God will stay with me as I attempt to work through things. Thanks so much for the encouraging thoughts today.
Thank you for this post. I have been reading your blog for a while and most days I feel like you are talking directly to me.
Todays’ post spoke even deeper to me. As I heal after learning of my husband’s infidelity and I look to my past to heal old wounds in order to start fresh. I am thinking of this as our second chance.
The problem is I am still stuck in my hurt I have been grieving my perception of my happily ever after and am encouraged by your words. I trust in the lord to help me see a way to letting go of past hurts and help us find a way back to a happy and healthy marriage.
Thank you.
I am in that place right now. Thank you for the timely post. I realized yesterday there was unresolved pain left in my heart. A deep well of it that needs to be dealt with. I too am being turned inside out/upside down. God has placed a calling upon me but told me I have to heal things from my past first. He is now working to free me from the things that have bound me for far too long. God Bless you and P31.
This devotion touched my heart deeply today. I have had this exact process with the Lord! I fought the pain for so long, so afraid it would overwhelm and destroy me. I denied it, rationalized it and ran from it for years and years. I turned to alcohol and drugs to help put distance between me and the pain of disappointment, the loss of my “happy-ever-after” life that never came to be.
But God faithfully waited for me to be at the end of myself and cry out to Him. I have walked for the past five years with my life completely in His hands. The healing He has done in my heart and soul is amazing. I find I still sometimes feel sad about what could have been and the wasted years of anger and hurt and disappointment, but I continue to remind myself that God is faithful to restore the years the locust have eaten and I am happier today than I have ever been.
Thank you for sharing the process with us. It blesses me to be shown so clearly that my process was not unique and that God works in all of His daughters as we surrendere to Him and let the Holy Spirit in to do the healing work.
Bless you.
Thanks for sharing today. Getting over a hurtful past is so much harder than most people can imagine. Just when you think you might be over it, something happens that sets you back again. I can’t afford counseling and I know I still have unresolved issues from an abusive ex and parent. I would love to win a copy of this book to help me get over that so I can move forward. My husband now is unbelieveably patient with me, but I know it wears on him. I also know i am not the best me I can be.
Thank you so so much! This is exactly what I am going through and have went through for many years. It has caused so much destruction in my marriage. I am attempting to put my marriage back together now and ask for prayer for my healing and the heart of my husband. I am climbing this mountain with God and just pray that I make it to the top. Thanks again God has definitely used your words today to speak to me.
Since before I was born I have always had ‘love leave’. Wondering my whole life why I was never enough for someone. 3 years ago my husband (17 years of marriage) up and left me and our 5 children. I blamed myself for so long for not being good enough, yet I remember going over everything and trying to figure it out. He would even tell me what a wonderful mother and beautiful woman I am. To this day he says those things, yet he is not here. During these past 3 years I have held onto God like nobody’s business and I have found a relationship with my heavenly Father like I have never known. Midlife crisis for hubby they say, but whatever is going on with him is not because of me, It affects me yes, but my prayer would be more for him (my husband – Joe) and somewhere along the way he can find God who can satisfy all he keeps seeking for. He claims he knows our Lord, but it is so very evident (actions) that he does not. If you want to pray for our children, that would be awesome as well. Thank you.
This devotion is exactly what I needed today and struck a chord in me. I am currently going through a very trying time in my life. My husband and I are separated after 20 years of marriage. He just decided one day he wasn’t happy with me & our marriage, and abruptly moved out of our home. Since then, I have found out many things he was up to that are not what a spouse should be doing. He has continued to blame me for his problems and his actions and will not take responsibility for anything. At first, I believed everything he said about me being at fault. But I now know his problems are not my fault. I can only control myself and my actions, not his. I love the Lord with all my heart, and I am striving to be a better Christian and better servant to Him. The only way I will make it through this life is to trust Him and put all my faith into Him. God Bless to all! Thank you.
Hi thanks so much for your devotion today.I am also trying to deal with and resolve hurt and pain from the past.it has caused anxiety and depression and I really want to break free from that! I would so love to receive a copy of a confident heart I really feel that it would be a great help and such a blessing! Thanks again
Thank you very much for your devotion today.I am also trying to deal with and resolve hurt and pain that caused me anxiety,depression and all of the evil thoughts in my life and i really want to be free from everything.I am always thankful for all your help in prayers.
Thank you for sharing your story. I too needed healing for a horrific past, and spent years in depression, thinking there was no way out. Suicide was my constant companion from the age of eight until two years after I got saved. I ran from God, turning to every occult path I could find – spending forty years in the wilderness. It took God bringing me to a pastor who showed me the love of the Father and counseled me for two years before I could accept Christ – the hurt was so deep. I am now healed, and the first step to my healing was forgiveness. I used to think it let my abusers off the hook until I finally realized that it was God’s incredible love and a gift for me, so I wouldn’t have to carry my past with me day to day. I got saved in 2001, and am so grateful to God for all He has done in my life. Your post touched and blessed me. God bless you. Heather
Thank you for your devotion today. It really spoke to me as I’m currently attempting to deal with many issues from my past that have trapped me in a long lasting depression.
I read your comments today and was all familiar. I am going through the pain of an abusive childhood and have recently started counseling. As much as I do see what I need to do and how to do it, my mind is totally blocked out of actually doing it. I dont really have any friends to confide in and this is proving to be a real struggle for me. Your words do give hope and I thank you for that!
I had a similiar experience and I joined a women’s counseling group at my church. There I developed several long-term friendships, which I needed so badly. I knew I needed this is my life to help me to heal instead of hiding from love. Since then, I have joined a Christian women’s group for women over 40 called Seasoned Sister – Pres is Pam Farrel. Many new groups have been developed in So. Calif. I also have been helped by secular counseling groups. Dealing with the pain of the past is not easy, but can be done with God’s and other people’s help. I love The Confident Heart – it’s been one of the most helpful for me. God will make a way – we will have valleys and mountains. Esp – the devil does’t want us to be healed. But Jesus Christ is in control and we can be MORE than conquers through Him. I will pray that the Lord will help you to develop relationships. It often takes time to be able to open up and trust others. I too deal with depression and anxiety from abuse as a child and then as an adult. God is the great healer. The stuff we have stuffed for so long has to be healed. It’s helped me to really forgive others also. The only person it hurts is me unfortunately. I will pray for you during your journey of healing. Blessings and love, Paulette
I am so thankful for the message that you did today; “Looking back so you can move forward.” I didn’t realize that I had not cleared out a hurt that I had experienced about fifteen years ago. As I read your message God began to show me that I never really dealt with this hurt. I truly thought that it was a past, as I went on to make a future, but there was always something holding me back from being totally free. I have asked God to help me to truly deal with this and heal me from it. Again, Thanks
I can identify with dealing with the past. I’ve been in a struggle for a long time. But God is faithful and with this devotion – I’m sure that God will see me through one day at a time. I haven’t always dealt with the stuffed feelings and anger – but again I didn’t know it. Now is the time God has shown me that He will help me through it. It’s really hard and I don’t always know what I am facing, but I am looking forward to healing.
I deal with my past probably everyday, but I also Thank God for bringing me out of the mess I had gotten my life in. He carried me when I was in prison and He has called me to help those with drug addictions through a Recovery group at our church. If my past can bring God glory then I will boast in my weaknesses because they show His strength and I will praise Him and Thank Him everyday of my Life!!!
This came at such a right time (Gods perfect timing) I thought that I had dealt with my past feelings and emotions when I was going through my Divorce. I took the class called Divorce Care which allowed me to grieve the loss of my mate and start to heal. However, I saw my ex husband recently and boy those memories of the past just surfaced. I thought that I dealt with all my feelings but I didnt. I am now spending time with God as Renee suggested and have the Holy Spirit show me what I am clearly hiding from. Great insight Renee thank you! Please keep me in prayer as this is so deep.