Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
Hi. My father was very abusive not only in our childhood but even now as we witness how he treats our mother who made the decision to stay and persevere (i’m now 43, she is 73). My father was abusive mental, physically, emotionally, sexually. Forgiveness is a work in progress and i try to lean on God but i find that i am so stuck in trying to forgive my father for what happened that i have built a massive wall around – one which keeps out any emotional relationships with everyone else. The only two people that i’ve allowed in past my wall are my kids. I find if i decide to again forgive my father, i’m faced with it all again the following day. It’s exhausting and i don’t know how to lean on God. I want to get past this once and for all because it’s lonely here.
Your blog inspired me and i will continue to try.
I enjoyed Donna’s writing on forgiveness. I went through having to forgive my Dad years ago. My parents weren’t married when I was born in 1951, but my father wanted my Mom to take me to see him about every 6 weeks. We did that until I was 6 or 7. I never got to say good-bye, he just took off. I felt for years that I had done something that made him reject me. I was in my 30’s when I realized I had to forgive him, not for him, but for me. My husband and I have been in ministry for 38 years and it was while I was a young pastor’s wife that I went through that process. Forgiveness is definitely a choice, not a feeling. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing something so difficult as memories of your alcoholic father. I had an alcoholic mother , who was not abusive, but neglectful, (equally as difficult to forgive). I have often found the best remedy is to not think about my past. Through my walk with the Lord these past 40 years however, I have realized the goodness of God, and how I can reveal His character of compassion, and unlimited forgiveness to others. He, in return has been 24/7 attentive to me:)!
Donna helped me to realize that forgiveness is, indeed, an “on-going” process. I thought I had forgiven my ex, and I still think that I have forgiven him, but like Donna, when these images of the past pop up – it’s like re-living the past – instilling fear in me once more. I now know, that I have to forgive him every time one of these scary moments of the past rise up inside of me. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for making sense of all this. Forgiveness helps to heal the past. You’ll probably never know just how many lives you’ve touched – will continue to touch. You are truly a blessing from God. Thank you.
It wasn’t until I learned to forgive my father that I could open my heart to my Heavenly Father. The abuse and brokeness overshadowed every corner of my life and I had to learn to forgive and let go before I could walk in God’s love and light. It has been 5 years since I began my journey of forgiveness and my life is now filled with peace. Thank you for your book. Actually, I have purchased 4 copies at different times expecting to read it for myself and each and every time I meet someone right after receiving it and the Spirit puts it on my hear that they need to hear your message and I am to give them your book.
Thank you for your devotion to your calling.
Sharon W.
Love your heart Sharon! I love how God blesses us so we can bless others!
thank you for this post and for sharing your story with us, I can truly relate to the pain and fear you experienced as a child. For me, keeping a record of wrongs is what I struggle with and it is still especially difficult as I try to navigate my relationships with my parents now that I’m a parent myself. Reading posts like yours and Renee’s book (still haven’t finished it) encourages me to keep seeking God’s wisdom and strength as I continue to forgive others.
I thoroughly enjoyed Donna’s story of forgiveness. I hope she continues to write. It reminds me how I must strive to stay in the light. When I was 18 years old I chose to abort my child. I kept this secret for over 35 years, until I shared my story with Matthew West who was inspired to write the song, “The Healing Has Begun”. I have since dedicated my life to God by first accepting His forgiveness and truly coming to understand that He died for me personally. His blood covers ALL of my sins; past, present and future. God is giving me opportuities to help lead other women out of darkness and into the light by sharing my story and co-leading a post abortion recovery bible study. Satan trys to tempt me back to that dark place, but as I learn to Digest God’s Word, Satan’s voice becomes so much weaker. Thank you Lord!
Ginny,
Thanks for sharing your story and being bold and courageous to share. And just saying …. I love Matthew West. Praising Him for the redemptive and work of forgiveness that He is doing in your heart too! Amazing story of how He loves us so! And I love that you are using your story to touch the hearts of others in your recovery class. He is getting all the glory and praise!!
Well as I read this, my mind recalled the memories of living my childhood. You see i was a victim of sexual abuse from my father and mother who new but indirectly blamed me. I cant tell u one thing that fixed me but God put a series if events and encounters with people that help heal my damaged emotions and restore me to a healthy person. I thank God for hope and love that continues to restore me.Thank you.
Praising Him with you!! So thankful for his love, care and concern over all of us.
I am so on board with the forgiving of our dad. I have two dads I needed to forgive not only my biological but my step dad as well. One absent and one an alcoholic, abusive and cruel. I lived the life of the alcohol, anger, crazed madness and the one with missing my daddy like no other as he would choose when to see me or most of the time not. I am 36 now and have processed most of the hurt I have and after going thru treatment my self for alcoholism am continuing to reach out for God’s truth with each memory or hurt that may come up. This girl loves her daddy and so wishes it would have been different but I can’t change that. I do understand both of my dads actions as they did as they were taught by their parents but it never lessens the blow. Thank you for sharing your story Donna and bless your heart for opening up to allow us to share with you as well. Renee will be coming to Sioux City, IA next year for our Compel Conference with her book The Confident Heart and what better timing for me to win a copy of it but NOW as I finish up the OBS “Unglued” and move to allowing my heart to be confident! Amen to that Lord!
I will see you at Compel too! And I’m praying for you as you continue on your journey of forgiveness. It’s an amazing book – life changing! My go to book when I begin doubting myself. I have worn my copy out!! Can’t wait to meet you at Compel!!! Praying for no snow that weekend!
Thank you SO much! God has been using this book to change my life. It is a constant struggle, but with God’s help I keep at it!
Thank you for sharing that Donna. It reminded me of me, only I was the one with the three little girls, and I’m the one that fled a bad situation. My daughters’ are all grown now and they are finding their own way in their relationship with their father. I have taught them to pray for their earthly father and know that their heavenly father is with them always and that helped them to be open to understanding that they can’t change their dad but they can still love him, forgive him, and pray for him.
Yvonne 🙂
Love His stories of redemption and forgiveness!!! Thanks for sharing.
As I read Donna’s story memories of my alcoholic uncle came flooding into my thoughts. We were scared to death of him when he was drinking and he was good as gold when sober. He eventually committed suicide. Growing up with those actions around you leave such an impact on your life. I’d like to be entered for the giveaway.
Praying for you!
I can so relate the “Learning to Forgive” — my forgiveness was more in learning to forgive myself. I made some bad choices in my teen years that lead to an abortion at 15 and a daughter I gave up for adoption a week after my 18th birthday. I couldn’t except that God could/would forgive me.
But HE didn’t give up on me —- and the peace I now have is amazing. God has used me in so many ways. It’s sad at all the blessings I missed out on all because I wouldn’t forgive myself.
Thank you sweet Jesus for your love, patience, and guidance!
Both the devotional & blog post are truly hitting home with me – especially right now. Just over 3 years ago my mom walked away from my dad, me, and my brothers for another man. And, this coming Saturday was supposed to be my wedding day, but about a month and a half ago my fiance came home & told me that he no longer loved me. I’m feeling all of the things Donna talked about – Betrayed, Abandoned, Unwanted, Rejected, Unloved… I’m in a constant state of healing, of knowing that God’s love is the only love that matters, and that I’m constantly striving to know that God’s love is the only perfect love, He was willing to die for me, and that He WILL keep all of His promises. I’m still struggling daily with showing my mom forgiveness, and also forgiving my ex-fiance. But, I know with God’s help that I will heal & overcome. Thank you so much for blessing me with both the devotional & blog – I’ve printed both to post as constant reminders 🙂
Praise God for you, Renee! Thank you so much for sharing openly and honestly with us. It is hard not to keep a record of wrongs suffered. I really don’t think I have trouble with forgiving, but…. there is something which keeps me from living an abundant, full life in confidence in my Lord. I am whimpy, especially when it comes to my 15 year old daughter. I want to be stronger, like my mom was. I grew up with an alcoholic dad and there were many times I was afraid. I believe I am over most, if not all, of that. Yet, I still have a nervous laugh, and my daughter hates it. It is not laughing at her, but she thinks so. I am tired of that, and backing down with her. Things have to be able to be different. There is much more to it than what I can write here, and God is healing me and purifying my heart. His dealings lately have been a real blessing. Praise Him!
God bless you richly!
I know all these words well when it comes to my dad! I have always felt that I wasn’t good enought for my dad. And even through I have tried I am still trying to win his love!
Thank you for sharing your experience – it truly is helpful.
I was especially moved by the reminder to forgive as past hurts resurface. WOW!! I’m usually so blindsided and licking my wounds that forgiveness is the furthest thing from my thoughts. It is so important to remember how forgiving our heavenly Father is and that we need to be generous in our forgiveness of others …”especially when the memories of the past come flooding in.” It’s just that it brings up so much hurt that now manifests itself as anger and my husband doesn’t know how to respond. I just need a soft place to be loved even when I deserve it the least. He just doesn’t get it…
Please pray for my husband and I to let go and let God help us figure out how to deal with these feelings. He has his own too and I don’t want him to be burdened either.
Thank you for being a willing vessel for our loving Father to use. You truly help so many and are such a blessing. God continue to be with you.
The irony of this devotion is uncanny! My father left my mother after over 40 years of marriage about 3 years ago as a result of an adulterous affair he had. This was not his first affair and have been forgiven many times over. The tidal wave of destruction he has left has caused so many family relationships to become estranged, including mine and his. My father’s sister (my aunt) passed away on Friday and he did not go to her funeral because he did not want to be around other family members who do not approve of what he has done. However, your email devotion and blog reminds me that while my father and I no longer have a relationship, I still need to forgive him for the pain and hurt he causes. I cannot carry this with me as it will have it’s own ripple effect in my life. Thank you Donna and Renee for your ministry and sending God’s messages along at just the right time!
Blessing to you today!
Thank you so much for the piece on forgiveness .. I would like to ask for prayer for my mother to be able to forgive some members of our family that she has had issues with in the past. She just can’t seem to get over some things and move on and it makes it really hard on my dad since it is his family.. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story. While I was blessed with a wonderful family, I still find I have trust issues and have a hard time putting the past behind me once I’ve been hurt. Thank you for this reminder that everyone makes mistakes and I really need to take the next step in completely forgiving certain people, before I lose relationahips completely.
Hi—just a quick comment. For some reason, I can forgive easy–UNLESS it is a Christian brother or sister. I guess I hold them to a higher standard..I don’t know, but it surprised me. I’ve had to pray about different situations a lot in that area.
I posted this on Donna’s blog earlier today:
Donna, thank you for blessing me with your devotion on P31 today! I had a similar relationship with my father. In the past year he passed away along with my stepmother and my mother. A year of loss that has left me reeling. But God is good and gave me the chance to look into my father’s eyes and tell him that despite our estrangement, I loved him. I always loved him. Even though he couldn’t speak, I truly believe he said the same back to me within his eyes. What a blessing. Today I woke after a long trip back from Ireland. Tired. Sad. Full of anxiety before my day even started. I just needed a hug from God. A reminder that He is with me always and filling my day with blessings if I choose to see them. I made my way to P31 for some of the encouragement that I’ve found on numerous occasions. Your words have started the day with fresh perspective and I so appreciate them. My day is reset and I am ready to live in His light!
And I am delighted for you as you take these new steps in writing and sharing your testimony! I hope you have a wonderful weekend of joy! In Jesus’ Name, Michelle
Thank you so much for the reminder of God’s forgiveness to us and grace in helping us overcome our past. My dad died when I was 11 and prior to that my parents were missionaries to Peru. I have a very difficult time in seeing that God allowed things to happen in my life for a reason and I need to embrace where He has me now, and choose to look forward to the ways He will continue to work in my life. I definitely need prayer in dealing with past issues so I can daily choose and desire to be a more Godly and respectful wife and mother.