Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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Donna, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us today. I am glad that you’ve had the healing power of forgiveness with your father.
My marriage has been a real struggle for years. We have been married for 33 Years and have had a lot of difficult times. My husband has Bipolar disorder, so there have been many occasions where I have had to forgive. Of course he has had to forgive me too for some of my reactions and attitudes also. We are still working on our relationship. It takes everyday prayer and love.
It always amazes me how our Lord knows what we need to hear and when. I myself struggle with hurts from my mother. She also had a very dark childhood and has a hard time letting go and unfortunately the ripples have affected my life. As I have grown older and have become a wife and mother, I tend to pull away from my Mom when she acts out which I think is my own protection and for my children. I have forgiven her time and time again for her hurtful words or actions, but then when I pull away, do I truly forgive her? My mother feels she does no wrong and when conversation has brought up events that have been crucial to our relationship, she denies them and puts the blame on me. Your post has given me a reminder that forgiveness isn’t just a one time thing, but a practically a forever thing. God calls us as Christians to forgive and love. There is so much hope provided in your story. Thank you!
Please pray that as I navigate being a full-time single mother of three (not by choice) That God will continue to open my eyes, so i may embrace His peace and Joy. That way i may be a wonderful reflection of who God is, for my three children. I pray for God’s discernment while patiently waiting for a Godly spouse, that I may have the confidence to stand true I feel God desires me to be for His glory.
I can relate to this. My father was a drinker also. Not as bad as Donna thou. But I have memories of thing that happened when my dad got drunk. Wanting to kill himself and shot a hole the floor of the home. Me having to drive him home drunk when I was old enough. I then married and drinker and it got worse. I have just recently divorced him. But it took me 24 years and 2 kids later. I still struggle with on a daily basis of trying to forgive and I have not. My dad died 5 years ago. He had been sober for at least 10 or more years. We had a good relationship in the end. Can I forgive my ex for what he did to me? I am trying.
I know I’m suppose to forgive but it can be so hard at times. I usually struggle at first but then I ask God to help me and then its possible.
My situation takes a little twist ~ I’ve spent nearly 30 years of my life being angry at our Heavenly Father for taking my Dad away from us. He died in a car accident when I was 10 years old. The list goes on an on about the things I didn’t get to experience having a father in my life. I’m still not sure that I’ve really forgiven Him. It truly seems to be a daily struggle.
My mother died 22 years ago. When a member of my then church told me that my mother was going to hell because she wasnt’t saved, I walked out the church doors and did not return for 18 years. I did not like that God. But he never gave up on me. I struggled with divorces, abortions, miscarriages, and alcohol and drug addiction. But I always felt like God was there. I would find myself waking up at night praying in tongues. It was like the Holy Spirit was in me, praying for me. People gave up on me. But God never gave up. He was there when I got sober. He was there there when I lost my career and had no where to go. I didn’t notice, but he was there. And on the eve of losing my third marriage, I finally stepped back into a caring loving church. And I gave my life back to the Lord. Because he never gave up on me.
So sorry for your experience with church but yet so happy that you always felt God’s presence in your life. And you are so right, he never leaves us nor forsakes us. Praising Him that you gave your life back to Him. It’s a great place to be when you are in the hands of Jesus. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your heart in your devotional today. It is powerful and SO AUTHENTIC. I am praying right now for the LORD to take your honest words and touch women’s hearts who are angry at God, who feel they have been abandoned by God and everyone, who feel there is no hope, and who are bound up in unforgiveness. I pray He will use your testimony mightily to release these prisoners from captivity and take them directly to freedom through the loving grace-filled, healing heart of God.
You are so gifted, my sweet friend.
Love you,
Wendy,
I love your heart for others and your heart for prayer. Thank you for always always being so encouraging and uplifting.
Love you friend!
What an amazing devotional Donna. Thank you for your transparency! I have a broken friendship that rears its ugly head on occasion but have also found that peace comes only though forgiving over and over again. I can pray for this woman with a pure Spirit – praying that God will soften her hardened heart and heal whatever hurt caused her to destroy our friendship. I’ve read Renee’s book and it was so incredibly helpful. Thanks for sharing with the P31 faithful and may God bless you and your father.
Thank you for sharing and reminding me about the power of forgiveness. Your such an inspiration. Thanks for the chance to win these fun goodies!
Thank you for sharing so openly. My story sounds very similar, except my mom always stayed, and my brother eventually became a replica of my dad. I have been working for most of this year to get to the roots of my chronic depression and the struggles I have had consisitently connecting to people close to me, maybe the “seventy times seven” part is what I have been missing…
A few weeks ago, my mentor through this healing process challenged me to study and pray through forgiveness and also what I thought forgiveness of the craziness of my upbringing would do to change ME.
I had just experienced (another) miscarriage and was struggling with pretty poor idea of my worth before God. So I thought she was nuts… truly. Why did I need to think about my past when my present was so ugly?
Even though it took me a while to pick up the task, I am finding it to be eye-opening. Instead of “explaining away” dad’s behavior as acceptable (he has a mental health issue, so he’s not responsible) or assuming I must have been a tough kid to live with, my perspective is beginning to shift…
I can’t say what I will be on the other side of this. I only know that God put this charge in front of me… freedom comes in letting go, not trying to control my circumstances so I won’t be hurt again. And it comes in not assuming I can just “do better” with my own daughter of my own volition.
I am so thankful for your transparancy. Your words might not only have been for me, but the God of the universe used them to open another window in me… and show me some light.
Praying for you April. Just follow God’s leading. He won’t lead you astray.
Thank you Donna for the reminder that sometimes it takes 70 x 7 times to forgive on this side. Thankful that God realizes this as well. I also loved your realization that “I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.” A point more believers need to take to heart.
It is amazing that I grew up thinking that I was the only one living in such a disfunctional house! My father was an alcoholic and my sweet mother was a saint. She married at 15 and my Dad was 23. He has 6 children by the age of 22. She stayed with my Dad because she loved him (through it all) and she always said, “where can I go with 6 kids”! Both my parents have passed away. I pray to this day that I forgave my Dad for being a horrible husband to my mother and a Dad that I do not ever remember being sober until he was to sick to enjoy life. Thank you for sharing your story and I have read Renee’s book and it is a wonderful book.
I have began reading your book with my bible study group. We are only on Chapter 3 and I must say it is already speaking loudly to me. I have struggled with forgiveness and knowing God is there for me no matter what. I am thankful for the daily devotions I receive. I look forward to my journey in being a woman after God’s heart!
I had read Donna’s devotional from P31 this morning. It was as though it was written just for me in response to a struggle I have been having & even talked about with sisters in Christ last night. It’s difficult since my husband left me & isn’t helping support our sons much & we have to move in the next few weeks. So many in my past have failed in doing what they say they will do. I’ve struggled with trusting God to take care of me, to do what he says he will. It was a wonderful reminder to make the choice to trust. Trusting God to provide is so hard for me some days. To forgive my husband even harder. Thank you!!
This brought me back 45 years ago, not to a father but to a husband. So many similarities. He died a long time ago. It took me many years to forgive him. Eventually the Lord led me to forgiveness and in return I was given a freedom I had not known before. When we truly forgive the Lord blesses us over and over again. Grace given that we did not earn.
It is so hard to forgive someone when they have hurt you so much. I pray about it but it is still hurtful and hard to forgive someone who isn’t in your life anymore. It is hard to pray for my enemy. But I will continue to keep trying and praying about it. I know that God will help me!
Praise Jesus that we can trust Him and find beauty, and peace, and wisdom, and forgiveness in our pain and struggles!!!
Though my father was not phyically abusive, he was emotionally abusive. He did abandon us and made me always feel not good enough and unwanted. For so long I denied that the way he treated me had any effect on my adult life whatsoever. I made him invisible to me (ironically, the way I felt) and had no contact with him for over 20 years.
Even when my younger brother died, my father knew for 3 days before making the effort to tell my mother and I. He gave us one day to claim the body from the city or the city would bury him, and my father would not help in any way…expect for the memorial service my father held at his church, but neglected to mention myself or my mother as family members. Several people came up to my mother wanting to know who she was and how she knew David.
My father died about 6 years ago, I found out on the internet. I felt nothing. I really thought that I was immune, but am seeing now I was in denial and I should have extended grace and forgiveness, and if I had turned to and trusted God instead of just ignoring the situation, I could have saved myself years of bitterness.
Thank you Donna and Renee for your transparancy and vulnerablity.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I too had to work through forgiveness of my brother for abuse when we were very young. I actually dealt with this many years ago, then because of anger and hurt from our Dad over the discovery of what happened as a child, I was left with a very difficult decision, do I lose a brother or parents & husband in my life. I choose the later. But God had different plans for all of us. About 1 year ago, my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and after many talks, he agreed for my to contact my brother. Praises to God for bringing our family back together. As we celebrate each holiday/birthday as a family unit, my Mother still cries with tears of joy! It’s still a work in progress with me, learning to trust him again, but through God’s love and grace I am doing so.
I already have this book, but haven’t read it yet. I am going on a retreat this weekend and was just praying about which of the book I should bring (of the many I have bought and haven’t found time to read!), and your email came in – that decided it, I am bringing the Confident Heart book! God’s timing is amazing!
The last line of your email sealed the deal. It said: Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
That is just what I need as I begin to expand my areas of ministry and move into some new ones. Thank you for your book and your ministry. Your words and examples have really challenged and encouraged me on my journey!
God’s Blessings,
Cathy