Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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My childhood compares to Donna’s. Physical abuse to my mother, me and my siblings. My baby sister “urinated” in her pants every time my dad raised his voice. It almost seems surreal at times until I hear stories. I too have to remind myself that my dad and mom were wounded as a child….they thought that type of behavior was normal. I went from man to man and ended up with an alcoholic husband who physically and verbally abused me. Funny how we migrate to those behaviors. It’s been 4 years and God is transforming my life through my forgiveness. I continue to forgive my dad and others….extending mercy. So difficult some times, but Jesus doesn’t give us an option to forgive. He commands us to forgive. If I want others to see Christ in me….I must follow Him.
Thank you, Donna, for sharing your story. You’re right, forgiveness is definitely a process. One that must be done often and sometimes daily. I will pray for you and for God’s guidance to continue you on this journey of healing.
God bless you Donna and thank you for sharing your experience so that others can see that Jesus is the only answer for our hurting world. What a blessing you have been to me today.
FORGIVENESS…
I just read your “Living In The Light” writing on Encouragement Today Devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries.
Thank you for sharing your story ! I look forward to reading more from you & I hope to get your book soon (maybe I’ll win a copy 🙂 )
I am currently working through some forgiveness issues of my own and found Donna’s story to be very encouraging. Especially the part about praying for her dad. I’ve been feeling a nudge to pray for the person I need to accept/forgive. Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes it is so hard to forgive, your mind dwells again and again on the action and person you need to forgive–so, ok, I forgive you–and uhoh–there’s that thought creeping back in again. It’s good to know others wrestle with this. That old devious devil does try to take you from a calm Christ led life again and again. Bless you for your understanding of a daily fight.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. Mine wasn’t so dramatic but I can still relate. My father went into recovery 15+ years ago, and while he has not given up the addiction to cigarettes) at least they don’t cause him to speak out in anger or do dangerous things. Doc told him <5 years to live if he didn't quit smoking and it's hard to accept that he feels he can't or refuses to. Hope I can learn to truly accept this and not cause it to harbor resentment as it feels like he's choosing them over family by giving up.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Donna and Renee.
It really touched me. My story is similar, but “not as bad.” Mine is one of abandonment – with the unwanted, unloved and worthless added in. For years I’ve chastised myself for not being stronger since my dad didn’t physically abuse me or my mom. He was just selfish and then absent. I have since reconciled with him and we have a relationship. I know he loves me in his own way, but there is still a gaping hole where that earthly father’s love for his little girl should be. I didn’t find Christ until my late 20s (I’m now 52) so had that gaping hole for a lot of years. I have to forgive my dad over and over again because some things/people just don’t change. I am also finally starting to believe that Gos is my real true father and He is never absent or selfish. That has taken a very long time, and is still a continu process. Thank you, ladies!
My heart hurts reading this blog. Thank goodness for God’s comfort and forgiveness!
I too lived with an alcoholic, abusive father. As I read Donna’s words, I felt the fear and sadness come flooding back. He wasn’t phisically abusive to me (as he was to my mom and brother), but was verbally and emotionally abusive which hurt just as much. He was an over the road truck driver and I got to the point wheree I so looked forward to his being gone. I even wrote in a journal that I wished he would smash up his rig and never come back. One evening after that, a police car and a car with someone from his work pulled into our driveway and told us that is exactly what happened. It took a while, but I wrote him a letter and buried it at his grave. I don’t remember all that I wrote, but I do know God used it to help me heal and move on some. There are still some hurts that come back but God helps me work through them. It also helps to know that God is my Abba Father, my daddy, and nothing can take Him away from me. As Christian singer/song writer David Meece says, our real father is our Father in Heaven, not our earthly father.
Thank you Donna for your honesty in telling your story!!
I am so glad I was lead by a friend to this book and this page. I recently within the last two years formed a non-profit Organization for Children and Families that live with Epilepsy and Seizure Disorders. It has been the most challenging but personally and spiritually rewarding and the biggest blessing God has called for me to do. I am struggling right now due to issues in my past but also within the present.
I called my friend one Saturday morning about a week ago in tears wanting to stop the pain and hurt and she told me about the Confident Heart suggested I read it.
I have a hard time sometimes understanding how the ones closest to you and family can be the least supportive of something that is clearly ones passion and involves giving and serving others but more importantly serving God. It is hard to understand when ones father is a Physician all be it retired but lives very comfortably can not support something that clearly will bring need to those in the community or area which you live and reside. It’s amazing how they have much to say about what your doing but not willing to support you rather try to talk you out of it. I am reading this book in a way to form a healing process for me along with the work I am doing. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
If anyone out their reading this has or knows of a child or family member that suffers from Epilepsy http://www.epilepsywarriors.org is our website and we are Fighting Seizures one Child at a Time and to the families please know YOUR NOT ALONE we would love to offer support that is the one thing so important to a parent or family dealing with a special needs child or individual support its a must.
Thank you Donna for sharing your story it touched me deeply I have often felt unloved and unworthy I think art of doing what I do is my healing process and that even though fundraising is not easy I am not giving up because the long term is the reward and its because its Gods plan for me. Please Pray for me!
Thank you Lord for allowing Donna to share from her heart–the story of how Donna is forgiving and moving past her hurt has opened my eyes to areas of my heart where forgiveness needs to be given. Her story has truly blessed me! blessings to you and your family Sue
This was a powerful reminder to me. I can so relate to this story. With so many hurts and offenses piled up I grew up believing I was unworthy- of anything! I still struggle with those old feelings from time to time and this was a good reminder to me that other people’s actions and words can only keep me broken and caged if I choose to allow it. Jesus gave me the keys and those cages lock from the inside. Forgiveness really is the antidote to that poison.
Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was hurt many years ago by someone. And even though it was a long time ago, a memory will pop up or an emotion that I struggle with from those events will surface and I will find I have to forgive all over again. No new hurt has happened because that person isn’t part of my adult life, but I will still need to choose to forgive them regularly.
I just got your book in the mail, haven’t even started it yet. I have been getting your devotionals via email for a few weeks, and your 7 day doubt diet ! Its like you wrote it for me ! Just what I needed !
I made copies of the Doubt Diet and gave it to a few friends. We would like to do it as a ladies group book study – so I am looking for FEW MORE COPIES ! AND i LOVE CANDLES AND ANGELS – so I am entering ! Thanks for all you do for us – women who love the Lord but are struggling with brokenness..
Thank you for this story. Both my parents have died & although I forgave my father of years of emotional & physical abuse of rage, I still have nightmares about him, my mom & the house I grew up in.
I have had insecurities that because I had a dysfunctional relationship with my dad in my youth; that I wouldn’t be a good fit for a Godly man as a wife. My father was a pentacostal pastor, but his anger would have a life of its own. One time he stopped in the middle of service to beat my sister for wanting to leave church; right in the middle of the congregation! We had a small church funded by ourselves so there were no deacons or what not to rule my father out. Eventually we could not afford to keep up the rent on the small homemakers club we used as a church on Sundays.
We went to several different Assembly of God churches where my mother & father were Missionette & Royal Ranger leaders. We went to church 3 times a week. Alot of people loved my father; he was very happy go lucky, but behind closed doors he could not control his anger or lashing out in verbal & sometimes physical abuse.
My mother, who was an absolute saint in my eyes, died 2 days before her 44th birthday. I was 14 years old & had to be raised alone with a father that I feared so much. Dad & I had our good times & bad after mom died but I forgave him long before he died of Cancer at 65. He asked for forgiveness, we talked it out & I openly forgave him. I have peace about my father, but somehow the memories of my past are manifesting into nightmares in my adulthood. I am 35, unmarried & I have found myself staying in relationships with men who are more verbally abusive than my father was, and they were atheists! I am not in a relationship now, but I’m concerned that a normal, Godly man would not want me. That if he did, he may want to control me like my father did my mother (she wasn’t allowed to drive, work or barely leave the house).
I go to therapy, have had a year of healing ministry, but still do not have peace that I will get married to a Godly man & have a happy homelife. I don’t want my dysfunctional past define my future. I don’t want a dysfunctional marriage, but I choose men that I am unequally yoked with to help them. It’s not right though. Please pray for me, that I find peace & forgive myself for not thinking I’m worthy to be married, because God says I am.
There’s alot more to this story ( I was a miracle baby who survived a deadly hereditary rare blood disease).
God has shown me many things & performed many miracles in my life!
May God bless you Renee, for the work you are doing in His name.
Dear sweet Melissa,
Praying right now for God to show you that your worthiness is in Him and Him alone and not an earthly man. God has redeemed you. God has redeemed your past with your father. God has redeemed you in your choices of abusive men. Praying that God will reveal Himself to you as the lover of your soul. The lifter of your eyes. Praying that you will find your worth and love in Him. Praying that he will show you that He will provide ALL that you need. He will be husband. You are Jesus’ bride. And He will always love you – with an unfailing and unconditional love. And I’m also praising Him for the miracles that He has done in your life and will continue to do in your life.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I get it. But also please know that God gets it and loves you way more and way better than an earthly husband can or will.
Blessings and more blessings.
Thank you for this inspirational story. I too struggle with forgiveness of past hurts but i continue to pray everyday for the strength to do so. God bless.
I remember my mother and father deciding to divorce when I was only 9. I remember it because I was happy. Years of them arguing, fighting and screaming left me with scars that would stay with me through my adult years. Yet it was still hard. I remember my father telling me that he did not like that my mother was not taking care of mine and my siblings needs. He said he was tired of seeing us with coats without buttons and shoes with holes in them as we walked the mile path to school each day. He said he wasn’t going to take it so he left. Years later, I asked him to tell me how did his leaving help us if he felt we were being neglected by my mother? He moved away and had little to do with us over the years. My siblings and I struggled through poverty and abuse and no one to help. Sadly, my childhood situation skewed my reasoning and I made many bad choices in life. Because I felt that everyone had let me down, I just assumbed that God had to. It would take years and years for God to get through to me that his love was always with me and that he never left me. That child within me is still in the process of being healed, but I have come far because of the love of Christ.
Praying for you and praising Him for the journey of healing that He has begun in you. I love the promise where he tells us that he will complete every good work in us that He has started.
God has been working on this in my heart just this week. Thank you for your message!
Todays sharing really hit home. When i was 9 years old i ended up in foster care & after a few foster homes i had a family interested in adopting me, which it turned out would be the pivotal point in my life…but then my fostr dad had his preschool shut down the preschool they ran, as he was molesting some of the chlldrene there. At least thats what i found out when the workers came from the state. What i didnt tell them is that he was molesting me too. He had threatened my life if i said anything, he said he would come find me. I never trusted men again after that. it was my first real experience having any man in my life, therefore tainting any ideals i may have had. It has taken me until age 36 to keep going through the process of forgiving. To fight the enemies lies, to not be full of hate. Years later, this man died of cancer & pretty much alone…I used to pray that he would die…& then i felt horrible about that too. But when he did, it didnt heal things. I prayed the Lord forgive my heart & heal the pain. I really appreciate you opening your heart & sharing your story. <3
Im so sorry Meyana for all that you have been through. So very sorry. Im praying for you tonight. That Jesus will help you release the anger, the pain and anything else the enemy is using to tie you to the sin that was committed against you. I am praying for His healing power and the freedom He died to give you, the blood of the Lamb that was poured out – to be spilled into your wounds – to heal you from the inside out. Praying for His grace, mercy, love and freedom to wrap around your heart and soul more and more each day!!! You are loved by an Almighty GOd!!
Meyana, joining Renee in prayer for you. Praying that you will feel God’s loving arms embrace you and heal you. Praying for your tender heart as you walk through your forgiveness journey. Praying these words in Ephesians 3 over you as you seek His heart. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. In Jesus name. Amen.