Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
______________
I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
_______________
Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
Discover more from Renee Swope
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Thank you so much for this. I have realized that I have been harboring anger and unforgiveness to the people who have hurt me but with God, I can give up the anger and I can forgive them. God will help me through this. I am planning to read your book and giving a copy to my niece and sister who could benefit from your article.
I love reading your blogs. Forgiveness is a process. I am thankful I have God in my life to get through those tough times of forgiving others who have wronged me. I am putting your book on my wishlist.
Donna,
Such beauty shines through your brokenness. I just recently told God how tired I was of being angry all.the.time. His response: keep being willing to forgive. All day every day right now I tell God I’m willing to forgive yet, powerless to do so unless His Holy Spirit rises up within me constantly reminding me of the endless grace & forgiveness He’s given me. I can forgive those who wrong me, devalue me & damage my heart on a daily basis without becoming defined by the poor decisions of others.
See you soon, sweet sister. My flight is delayed until 12. Tweet me a restaurant.
xoxo
Miss you, Renee!! Desperately want your perspective. Can’t get enough of A Confident Heart!!! xoxo
Miss you
Lisa, it was so great to see you Friday. Prayed for you knowing that God was going to use in His God sized ways to touch the hearts of those who heard you speak Saturday. I know that were amazing!! Can’t wait to catch up and hear how. So proud of you for sharing your story that God has given you to minister to others! Love ya!
READING YOUR WORDS MADE ME REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO FORGIVE. I HAVE FORGIVEN AND CONTINUE TO FORGIVE A FAMILY MEMBER THAT HAS HURT ME AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS. I NOW PRAY FOR THAT PERSON AND ASK FOR GOD’S BLESSINGS ON THEM. THANK YOU FOR SHARING. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS KAY
Thanks for sharing this part of your life-lots of people struggle with these same family or past issues and all need to know others struggle with the same things-God bless your ministry!
Laura Wilson
I really enjoyed this. I have been studying a lot on forgiveness.
I have been struggling with forgiveness. This is an ongoing thing, so I think I am ready to forgive and then something else happens. I have been reading scripture and praying over this every day. In my heart I feel like I have forgiven this person, but then something else will happen and it makes it so difficult. I have seem some change in this person and believe that God is answering my prayers. Please pray for me that I will be able to forgive this person completely and let God handle the situation.
Thank you for this reminder of forgiveness.
I was only challenged this last week Have i forgiven my husband.
Really? I said to myself. i have to forgive my husband even though i am still living in the hurt, and he is still doing the things he is doing? your asking me to forgive him?
you see i live in an abusive relationship. Not physically but verbally. and i am being crushed by his words time and time again. there is so much bitterness in my heart towards him and i just cant let go.
It is now effecting my walk with God because i feel worthless and unlovable.
Maybe it is time to start this forgiving process. How im not sure but i think it is time otherwise it is gonna consume me.
Thank you for the reminder.
It sounds like you are going through the same thing I am. I have been doing a lot of studying on forgiveness and wondering how I can forgive someone that continues doing these things every day. This is the first time I have shared any of this. It helps to know that I am not the only one that is struggling with forgiveness. Maybe we can pray for each other.
we can certainly do that Misty
It is a very lonely place to be and the shame of it make it worse because i feel i cant talk to anyone about it face to face.
Jenny and Misty, my heart is breaking for you both-I also know that lonely place, and the shame, and disbelief. I too am in a similar situation. Sometimes I feel I cannot bare the pain any longer. This cannot be my life. God has told me quite clearly that I am not to leave him-this is beyond my comprehension. I am currently unemployed so financially I can’t leave (God’s hand at work?). God has also been placing this verse in my path over and over-Ephesians 6:13 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the hevenly realms.”
I have been lifting my husband up in prayer everyday, even though I don’t want to, and even though ‘I’ think he doesn’t deserve it, and though I have not seen any change yet, (in fact it seems worse right now), I have to place my faith in God…what else do I have?
I am and will continue to pray for you both-
Misty, please see my comment below for you and Jenny-
This is so sad and I can see where forgiveness could be so hard. With God all things are possible. I will be praying for you as I know you will also be praying for myself and everyone else.
Wow, it amazes me to see how much hurt we hold on to. Speaking for myself forgiveness can be hard. When I chose not to forgive, I Did more harm to myself. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you both so much for sharing Donna’s story of forgiveness. It is very encouraging to me and I will continue to seek God for ways to forgiving my father, which I should have sought a long time. My father was very absent from my life, not because of anything I did, but he chose to not be a part of my life. I was felt very unwanted by him, and his actions towards me seemed to tell me that whenever I was around him. I finally this past August started the forgiving process…through God…I will persevere! I admire your strength…and will become my own. Thanks again…your story means more than you know! God bless you! 🙂
“I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).”
YES!!!!! I needed these exact words! I have a hurtful past and I have forgiven that person but little memories sneak up and remind you what that person took from you. The bitterness starts to rise and I have wondered why this happens when I know I have forgiven and been healed. Those words forgiveness happens as littles things surface! Thank you for your encouragement!
Thank you for this story and the point that forgiveness is a daily process. I was betrayed and hurt by my husband. He came to the Lord in the dark valley of our experience, and was transformed into a beautiful new Christian. The problem for me is the haunting memories of his affair and sexual addictions that shattered my marriage that try to flood back into my thoughts almost daily. It is absolutely true that it is a daily process and I have to come to the Lord and surrender to refocus on the new life we both have.
Thanks for sharing your post. I know forgiveness is a continual process and I struggle with this daily. I have called myself forgiven my husband for a lot of things that occured in our marriage from the past. We even seperated for almost 2 years but now that were back togather I still see he has some of his old ways and habbits. I struggle with the fact of if I made a the right choice by agreeing to come back togaher and work on our issues. I also wonder if I truly have forgiven him.
This story brings to my mind this little quote that I use in my life when situations of forgiveness arise
“If you cant forgive and forget, then forgive everytime you remember”
Amber, I like your little saying!!!!
Thank you for your honesty and telling us your story of pain and forgiveness. We can all relate in some way or another whether we want to admit it or not. We need to get past our pain & realize that our Heavenly Father continues to forgive us our wrongs and we should do the same to others.
So thankful for the unconditional love and the promises of my Heavenly Father
Wow- thank you for sharing your story of brokenness and forgiveness. I am so looking forward to doing this study when Rene starts it up again. I would love to share it with others as well. Thank you ladies for being available to minister grace and truth through Christ by your transparency and graciousness.
Donna, thank you for sharing your story. Many of us who are the children of an alcoholic parent are ashamed to admit or to share our heartbreak and fear with others. My dad was a “mean drunk”, and in order to protect her children, my mom left him when I was 6 years of age. My brothers and I had no further contact with our father. He passed away at the age of 41 from cirrhosis, so there was never an opportunity to ask him why he chose the bottle over his family. There is a hole in my heart for the many things that have been lost. Even though he is no longer with us, I have prayed that GOD would give me the strength to understand why this happens to innocent children.
May God continue to bless you and Renee as you share your story. I can’t wait to read “A Confident Heart”.
Praying that God will show you a way to live in peace with Him and that He will fill the whole in your heart for ALL things lost.
Renee and Donna, thank you for this powerful story today. I can see God speaking to me through Donna’s story. I am struggling to forgive some of my family members (including my own Mom) who have accused me of not “honoring my Mom as the Bible teaches” because I won’t let her control me anymore after 45 years. Making the “choice” to believe God and his promises and who He says He is really spoke to me. Thank you so much!
Hello Renee~ As I was reading I was thinkingthis book would be great to with group more then solo. As I was also reminded of my early days, how I had one life one each side of the front door to our home. Inside a high function alcoholic Dad, and ragolic Mom. Everyday when I came home I would walk in trying to sense what I was walking into that day. It hit me I am still on guard today. Thinking ahead for the “next”. I was just sharing with my dear husband, whom is not like my dad at all, thank you Jesus!! How went to my sons FIRST Preschool field trip, and I could NOT turn it off to just relax and enJOY!! Something broken in me robs my JOY… STILL !!! I dis-like VERY much how those early years of tremendously verbal abusive words spoken into me, still play havoc with me today… I’ve worked hard to be free, forgive, therapy, and draw closer to my Jesus… I’d say it been hard with a 4yr old. Not having my Jesus time as I did before my gift came along… I should say, get it out, that I know first hand that when I feel less-then, the enemy toys with me most… My self esteem is weak, didn’t get built up at all I was so neglected, I look for places to fill it, and still do today, gotta be honest. I need to know,really know as, as a Mom I don’t want my child tostruggle with that as I have and do… .Renee, I look forward to getting your book inbetween my hands, and letting you and Jesus do some deep mending to my heart… Balance, and praying up…
Praying for you. Praying that you will dig deep into God’s promises like his words in 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”. I love that we are His chosen people, we are His special possession! And the best yet … He loved us so much that He sent His son to die for me and you .I think of those words and my esteem goes through the roof …. he loved me so much that His son died for me!! and you!