Thank you for joining me here in my little corner of the world. I want to welcome those of you hopping over from today’s P31 Devotion where my friend Donna shared her story of forgiving her father’s abusive behaviors. Today, I asked Donna to share more with us.
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I strained on my tip toes to peek through the curtains. Fear and panic gripped me as I watched the car go round and round. Spinning through one ditch then raging across the street, throwing dust and rocks into the air and barely missing a row of mail boxes. And finally, coming to a complete sudden stop as smoke billowed from the engine.
What started as a simple late night chore the night before ended in the chaos of Dad jumping in the front seat of Mom’s car the next afternoon and literally driving it to its’ death.
The night before mom had taken a late night trip to the laundry mat in my dad’s car. On our return trip home, my dad’s car overheated. Mom had no way of getting in touch with my him so she kept driving – it was late and she was alone with her three little girls.
He was furious about the damage to his car, so the next day He sought revenge by ‘doing donuts’ in the ditches alongside our country home until Mom’s car died.
This was one of many explosions. But it was the one that sent my mom over the edge and led her to pack up and leave. A few days later, after Mom had sold all our furniture, we loaded onto a gigantic gray bus that took us to my uncle’s house. A few weeks later we moved in with my Granny.
The next forty plus years, my Dad walked in and out of my life just as he drove the car in and out of the ditches that afternoon so many years ago. Broken promises. Broken hearts. Broken dreams. Broken girls. Broken family. And yes, still a broken car.
Recently, my Dad was kicked out of his nursing home for the third time for his temper and was admitted to a mental hospital. I sent an email to my friend Stephanie asking her to pray. Her reply, “…have you forgiven your dad…just wondering…wanted to make sure you were set free from that before things may get even worse with him.”
As I processed her question, I was flooded with emotions and memories of the car spinning uncontrollably in the ditches so many years ago, but God also instantly flooded my heart with His words from Matthew 18: 21-22, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
I was able to respond with a “YES”! I had processed past hurts several months ago with Dad and intentionally went to see him after 15 years of absence. As God walked me through the visit, He made it perfectly clear that I could not change Dad, I could not change my past BUT I did not have to let my past define me.
In her book, A Confident Heart, Renee shares her powerful journey of forgiveness and says this:“Confidence came as I followed God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness.” Her story has helped me see that it’s possible to forgive and worth the redemption God promises when we do. As I have sought to follow God’s command to seek and offer forgiveness, He has filled me with His confidence to make hard choices – the choice to accept Dad – the choice to pray for Dad – the choice to forgive Dad – the choice to live in God’s confident hope.
I wish I could tell you that it was a one-time act of forgiveness like the one we’ve received from Jesus; but it wasn’t. It’s not. Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it: “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in {me} will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).
Lord, thank You for Your gift of forgiveness. Please help me to forgive those who have hurt me –just as you have forgiven me – especially when the memories of the past come flooding in. Help me keep no record of wrongs. Thank You for filling me with Your confidence. Thank you for freeing me from my past and my pain and not allowing them to define me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Won’t you join me in living a life of freedom – freedom from your past – freedom from your hurts – freedom from your fears?
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Today Donna and I wanted to share a 
“Living in the Light Giveaway” which includes a Willow Tree “Angel of Hope,” a Fall Yankee Candle and 3 signed copies of my book, A Confident Heart.
To enter to win, simply sharing your thoughts with us about Donna’s devotion or blog post here – or simply let us know how we can pray for YOU as you process Donna’s stories and God’s truths about forgiveness in your life.
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About two years ago, I drove ten hours to see my dad whom I had not seen in quite a while. Similarly to your story, I had a very tumultous past filled with trauma, abuse, abandonment, pain, and shame. As I drove to see him, I felt God leading me and alongside me on that trip of forgiveness. At the time I laid down all of that pain. For about six months, I was doing great, accepting my dad for who he was and who he was not. I began letting go of all things past and present…and even my future wishes that may never come true. But somewhere in the midst of this healing/forgiveness process, I reverted back to my shame and pain, a stone wall rose up so high he could never penetrate it, and I replaced my clean heart with a hardened heart. My father’s addictions, blame games, and selfishness has been steadfast and constant; in great contrast to my ability to love and forgive him. Instead of keeping my eyes focused on how big my God is, once again I started looking and feeling down. I know that my Lord Jesus Christ is the Father to the Fatherless, and I do feel Him with me. His heart, I know, must be breaking because He wants me to live a life of freedom and of abundant joy, to rest in Him. But, it is I that is so weak. I fail to lean on His sweet Holy Spirit to weather each storm. I don’t know if my Dad will ever change, but I believe wholeheartedly that God is in control. I just need to live out forgiveness daily and be at peace like I was not so long ago. Thank you for sharing your story because it has made me look at this part of my life again, that I often try to ignore. Pray that I will have “eyes to see” and “ears to hear” God’s perfect Holy Spirit as He guides me back to that perfect peace that is only found in Him and pray that I will allow Him to fully keep me, and not take back the pain and shame of my hurtful past from Him this time.
Praying for all of the above and for the courage to obey. I constantly have to remind myself to do the next right thing – the next right thing that is right in the eyes of God. Praying for you as you continue this journey of forgiveness and to the center of His heart.
Good morning. Thank you Donna for sharing your story and reminding us in your devotion that sometimes forgiving is not a one-time thing, but a daily 24/7 thing. I can’t recall ever hearing that before and it comforts me to know that it’s okay if I have to continually forgive. The devil likes to whisper lies telling me I must have not really forgave if I’m doing it again. Those lies lead to lack of self-esteem and confidence and then doubt slips in. I would love to win Renee’s book. Thank you again, for opening yourself up…it encouraged me.
Renee, I do not know why, but I have had you on my mind all week. I even dreamed about you night before last. I am praying for you!
Love and blessings to you both!!!!!
Thank you Tammy. That means so much to me that you’re praying for me. My family and I are in a pretty challenging season at home and stretching season in ministry. I love that God has me on your heart. The best gift of all is prayer and words of encouragement. SO thank you for both!!
Thank you for this portion of your blog. As i read it, I was reminded almost immediately of someone who I needed to forgive-my mother, I did not have a bad childhood, in fact my parents raised me together and I rarely heard them disagree. I thought their marriage would last forever. When I was 15, they had another child, a little boy. You can imagine some adjustments there, but we fared well. Right before the beginning of my brother’s freshman year in high school my mother decided to leave my father. Now I know this occurs a lot in this society, but my dad had been ill and had just gotten out of the hospital when she left. not only did she leave my brother but my sick father, as well as, me and her granddaughter (whom she took care of during the day while I worked to support my daughter). If this was not bad enough she left my father for his nephew…..someone whom my father invited into his home and gave him a place to stay when everyone else turned their heads. He gave this man a ride to work and assisted him with fixing his car…….and the sad thing about this is that I am the one who discovered the affair! It turned my life into a spiral trying to understand why this happened…..FORGIVENESS is something I have struggled with for the past five years or so, I know it is the right thing to do and that God tells us to, but I felt as though if I forgive her its like saying what she did was ok. As of late, I have asked God to show me how I can forgive her. He has answered by song, example, and your blog. While I am not perfect, I know that in order for me to be able to heal and move on, i must forgive her as God forgave me. I am thankful that God lead me to this blog and thankful for your testimony. I am sure that God has used it to help others as He has for me. May God continue to bless you!!!!! Thanks!!!!
Praying for you Rita. Praying God will show you and lead you in your journey of forgiveness. Praying God goes before you and directs your heart as he transforms it into a heart like His.
thank you again for the reminder that forgiveness is a process and not a one-time deal in many cases. God is allowing circumstances in my life that trigger those old feelings and as they emerge, I can bring the hurts to Him, pour my heart out, knowing when I call, He answers. It does take years in mnay cases to forgive those we should have been able to trust. The enemy does not want us to live in the light of God’s truth. Please pray as I continue to process the pain of my past and walk through the valley of the shadow of death, that I will remember whose I am. I praise my God and He says I belong to Him, His delight is in me. It’s a difficult journey from this prison to release. But I keep holding on to the hand of the One who created me to enjoy His beauty and to embrace this life, with all it’s trials and sorrows. I am my beloved and He is mine, His banner over me is love. He is love. His Spirit lives in me to guide me to all truth and that truth is given to me to set me free. I long to be free. Thank you.
” Forgiveness happens as current or past events surface. The key for me is to continue the forgiving – continue with the seventy times seven – to continue the circle God started so that He will complete it…” This is such a true statement! I have walked a path in the last few years that has allowed me to forgive my dad for things I thought he didn’t do while growing up. As I reflect back I see how my love toward him has changed as I serve him in his declining health. Serving someone changes the heart from one of ‘being obedient and doing a duty’ to one of ‘doing this because I love you and care about you’. Thank you.
Thank you for this devotional today and Donna for sharing how you are walking with God and your message of forgiveness.
I was moved by Donna’s story! Oh, sweet Donna, God is really good, isn’t He? I too have an “absentee” father. Mine basically made a choice to not be a father and was never in my life. I have no memory of him. But, I found out last Christmas that he had died back in 2005. He had lived a life of crime after he and my mom divorced, having been in and out of prison for both armed robbery and murder. I could not believe that man was my father! But, armed with this information, I chose to forgive and forget. I was fortunate enough to be raised by an amazing mother and grandparents. My mother remarried when I was 7 years old, and my stepfather’s family immediately accepted me as their own! I’m happy to report that my mother and stepfather have been married 29 years! Yes, God is so good! May he continue to bless you, Donna!
Praising God for His greatness and goodness to us as well! So happy for you!
I loved the devotion today. I have many hurts from the past too and it helped me remember that forgiveness is constant and not just one time. I might go days or even months and then it all resurfaces. My dad passed away 8 years ago and I struggle with the fact I can’t communicate with him, but maybe it is better that way and I am still working on forgiveness every day. Thanks again for sharing!
As I read today’s devotional it felt like you were reading my heart and my biography. I too grew up with an alcoholic abusive father. I felt all of those things described and still struggle with those feelings everyday of my life. My dad, after becoming incarcerated for the sixth time, remained sober for 2 years. Six mos ago he started drinking again. Last weekend he chose to remind me how much he hated me and how awful he thinks I am. I have been struggling daily with those lies about my character and how and why my earthly father hates me, his own daughter. For years I blamed myself. I thought that there must be something wrong with me. Why else would so many people choose to hurt me? The more I grew in my faith I realized they are lost and broken ? I thought once I had forgiven them and chose to pray for them I would be released from my past for good but then last weekend the old anger and hurt came back. I questioned myself. Had I really forgiven him? Have I really been transformed by the Holy Spirit? Your devotional was Gods way of reminding me I am His beloved child and this is an ongoing process. I am continuing to heal, to grow, to become the woman God created me to be! Thank you! I am so blessed by your words! Many blessings to you for sharing! I know your book will be another piece of the healing puzzle in my life!
Praising God that He is working in and through you! And yep, we are all a work in progress as we journey to center of His heart. Thanking God for you and your amazing story. Praising Him for His redemption!
Thank you for this message, the continuing to forgive part is helpful to me. It seems we can initially forgive something but when those bad memories surface it is still too easy to get upset, angry, resentful all over again, forgive again and again, makes sense.
Thank you for sharing. I have been dealing with these same feelings only with my mother and am still struggling even though my mother passed away 15 years ago. God bless you.
Thanks for this giveaway – it makes me feel peaceful just looking at it! While my father wasn’t physically abusive, he was harsh and blunt with high expectations. He was hard to please and only when he was older did he show any soft side to his personality. Beside him, there are others in my life that I need to forgive and not allow to keep my from the best relationship I can have with God and His children. Amen!
As I was reading my daily devotions in my email from Proverbs 31 Ministries today,God certainly had me where He wanted me this morning! (Thank you Jesus, for using Donna’s story here to pierce my heart and show me I have unforgiveness still pooling around in my Heart!!)
Thank you Donna for sharing a part of your life with us all!! The Lord doesn’t waste anything! And He certainly used your story to help me realize I have still much forgiving to do with people in my life who have hurt me deeply and still do daily. The scripture you posted in Matthew 18:21-22 I have preached many a time to my children throughout their lives and I realize I need to practice more what I preach!! Geesh Denise!! 🙂
The sharing of your life has touched me deeply today and refreshed me to Forgive as Christ calls us to Forgive, and that He Forgives me a sinner!!
Blessings~
Denise G,
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. So blessed that God can use my mixed up life to draw others closer to Him. It’s Him doing all the work and I praise Him and thank Him for that!
Blessings!
This really spoke to me. I was abandoned by both my mom and dad at different times in my life. Thank God for a loving step-mom that stuck by me through the emotional turmoil. I struggled with addiction for many years but have since been sober for about 15 years. I still have not been able to move out of the shadows cast by my parents but I’m trying to get there. I have two wonderful children but I’m on my third marriage that is not doing so well right now. I don’t want to blame my parents but I did not have very good role models when it comes to maintains relationships. Please just pray for me in any area you see fit. I could use it.
Wow – how powerful! I am really searching in God’s Word to find reassurance that I am worthy to receive God’s love, acceptance and forgiveness. I grew up in a family where my mom was in control and manipulated my dad to always get her way. There were five children – and we were cared for, but the hugs were very scarce and the words, “I love you” rarely spoken. Unfortunately, I brought those same behaviors into my own marriage. Now after 22 years of marriage and only weeks after walking our oldest daughter down the aisle, I found out that my husband was having an affair. God used this devastating realization to show me that love, acceptance and forgiveness are verbs that I need to learn to show my husband and our children every day. While my husband and I have sought counsel from our pastor and made the choice to stay together and put God first in our marriage and lives, we still have a long way to go. I am trying each day to seek God’s will for our lives. I know we have a long road ahead of us. So we both could use prayers for our journey to learn how to love and commit to God and each other.
Paula,
Not sure if you have a copy of A Confident Heart or not …. and if you don’t, I would recommend that you get one. Chapter 12 is loaded with God’s promises and His word that will answer all of your questions about worthiness, God’s love, acceptance and forgiveness. Look up John 3: 16-17; Isaiah 43:4; 2 Corinthians 2:14.
You are a Daughter of the King. He has chosen you. He has redeemed you and He loves you with an everlasting and unfailing love!
Praying for you.
I want to thank you and Donna for sharing your story about forgiving in the devotional Living in the Light of Forgiveness. I have struggled for over 15 years with my feeling for my dad. I have also felt abandoned, fearful, betrayed, and unwanted by my father’s actions and words. I have forgiven him but have not being able to let go of the past and hurt. Please pray for me that I will truly trust in the Lord and learn how to truly forgive and let go of the past. I do not to keep making my past define who I am or my kids.
Father God, empower and strengthen Jajaida to forgive her father. Replace those feelings of abandonment, fear, betrayal and unwanted with your amazing love and peace. Fill Jajaida up with your compassion as she she’s her dad and help her to trust again. In Jesus name. Amen.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have recently reunited with my father, who has not in anyway been involved in my life for the greater part of 30 years. My dad’s neice contacted me on facebook and pleaded for him asking me to call him. I went into the call with absolutely no expectations of a relationship of any kind. God works in mysterious ways, and we have since began to build a relationship. My father was never abusive, only absent. I have always wondered how it would feel to have him in my life. I am learning slowly more about the situation as it was so many years ago when he and my mother decided to go their own ways. I have decided to leave the past in the past and pray that the future will allow us the time to get to know one another. Sometimes I do find myself thinking about the past and asking “why?”, but your story and guidance in the word will help me continue on this new journey with my dad. Thank you again.
Praying for you Candi as God leads you to restoration with your Dad. Rejoicing and praising God for the work that He is doing in your life and your Dad’s. Praying as you move forward one step at a time.
Wow!! This devotion really hit home with me this morning as I’m struggling with this very same issue….forgiving my dad! As Donna’s friend asked her the question, how would you feel if you dad died today, I had a friend ask me this very same question yesterday and I honestly don’t know how I would feel! I know God has been talking to me about forgiving my dad, especially this week, but it’s so hard. Just like Donna’s devotion started with words like Fearful, Betrayed, etc…my words are Rejection, Competition (I’ve always felt like I’ve had to compete for my Daddy’s love), and Unwanted. Please keep me in your prayers as I go through this journey of forgiveness with my Daddy!
Blessed by this message today, as I work on forgiving my family daily. My father died years ago, and although I thought I forgave him the abuses and neglect, find that I still live many of the hurts from that past. This hurt and distrust has moved me to hurt my daughter tremendously as I tried to protect my grandsons from similiar abuses. Now I find also need the forgiveness and hope to rebuild that precious relationship. The thought of choosing to trust God in this had not occurred to me, though I trust Him in so many other areas. Thank you for your sincerity and openness.
Praying for you Shelba as God leads your through your journey of forgiveness and trust.
Donna, Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to live a life with so much fear, betrayal, abandonment and feeling unloved. I had the same experience growing up and still struggle with the fear, abandonment, and being unworthy. I have forgiven him many, many times for the damage he has done to my life and will continue to forgive him.
I know I am the daughter of the King of Kings and am loved unconditionally by my Heavenly Father. I am still trying to stop blocking the joy that I know God is trying to give me. I guess I just don’t feel I deserve it. Will continue to try to receive.
Renee, thank you for writing for P31.
Jodie, you deserve because God tells you that you deserve to be loved! And you are loved….you are worthy…. you are chosen by a GOD who loves you like crazy! Beyond measure and beyond belief. Take the verse found at the top of the devotion on the P31 site and claim it as your own! Because it is! He wrote it specifically for you …. for me … and for so many more! Take it, claim it and live it!
Praying for you!
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) Claim this verse as your very own verse!!