If you found your way here through my devotion“Up Close and Personal”, featured today through Proverbs 31 Ministries and Crosswalk, I’m glad you stopped by. My blog is where I share the journey of my heart. I hope you’ll stay a while, and come back any time you just need a place to connect your heart to God and other women in your journey.
As I mentioned in my devotion, that day as I scraped paint, I had lots of time to think. I thought about how much I can be like my house and how far God has brought me.I thought about the years I worked so hard to live my life in such a way that from a distance, everything about me looked “fine.”
Yet on the inside I was struggling with things I didn’t want anyone to see…shame from my past, fears of my future, insecurities that paralyzed my heart. Living up to others expectations and losing my identity with each dreaded attempt to keep others at a distance. Dark shadows of doubt surrounded my heart, and the darkness of depression threatened to swallow me whole.
I wanted to be known and to be loved for who I was. I wanted someone to see past the exterior façade and look into the secret places of my heart. Yet, I feared if others knew me they could never love me. So, I buried myself in non-stop activity. I did everything I could do to keep me from having to process my pain. Then to make sure no one got too close, I pulled away from relationships with those who knew me best and loved me most. I created what I feared: I was alone.
By the time I was 22, I was exhausted. I couldn’t pretend anymore. I ran out of paint. The columns of my life started crumble. The sills around the windows of my heart began to rot. I needed help but I’d pushed everyone away. The only one who I could talk to was God so I cried out for Him to takeover my life.
Over time He revealed Himself to me – through sermons at a nearby church I’d visit, through books I read, but more than anything through His Word. I read stories that echoed the struggles and desires of my heart. I read words that gave me hope; that told me that I was not alone. Words that led me to a Savior who wanted an up close and personal relationship with me. A relationship where even with my flaws and failures I felt accepted.A relationship where I could be known and loved!
It’s what He came to offer each of us. He came up close because He wanted to know us personally. John 3:16 says that God loved us so much that He sent His Son into the world so that we could know Him and believe in Him. Verse 17 explains that God sent Jesus to save us, not to condemn us. So, no matter where we’ve been or where we’re headed, He meets us right where we are.
I want to encourage you to read a story that reveals the depth of God’s desire to have an up close and personal relationship with you. It’s about a women at a well who met Jesus while she was running errands – and running from others (4:7-30, 39-42). Even if you’ve read it before, I hope you’ll read it again in light of today’s devotion.
Beginning this weekend, and through next week, I’m doing a mini on-line study, where I’ll share something each day that I’ve learned from this story. I’ll have questions and things we can ponder together as we uncover some treasures of truth hidden in this up close and personal conversation between Jesus and a woman just like you and me. It’s my favorite story because with and without words, Jesus says, “I came all this way, just to be close to you!”
I’ll be giving away a CD on Monday.that includes my personal testimony woven in with a teaching on the woman at the well, called Searching for Satisfaction. To enter the drawing, leave your email or share your thoughts.
- Are there things that keep you from letting others and even God get close to you?
- What does it evoke in your heart when you hear that Jesus wants an up close and personal relationship with you?
To enter the drawing or to simply share your thoughts or questions, click “comments” below. Be sure to leave your email so I can contact you if you win.
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Sometimes I just find myself not having much time and energy left over to invest in developing close relationships with people … and with the Lord. Reminds me that I need to be diligent in asking God to daily guide my priorities and let HIM unfold my day, so that what matters most happens.
Love the story of “the woman at the well” Looking forward to the bible study.
Thanks for sharing.
Love the story of “the woman at the well” Looking forward to the bible study.
Hey Renee,
I have found your writing twice in the last couple days, and both times tears just broke like a dam finally caving from all the stuff inside. I keep hearing about empty vessels and trying to find intimacy with men (I have been married three times-twice to my first husband.) My “kin” family stays away… and I stay away from them. The most painful is my only sister has cancer and I’m afraid of the usual rejection I feel around her. God help us. Shame and fear have me on the mat… I’ve got to be filled with Jesus’ love again. Thanks Renee… can’t wait to follow your B. study about the woman at the well. I’m there.
I’ve served as a volunteer in our church for many years. I lead and coach other leaders. I co-lead a group for stay at home moms before I started back working full time. I started and lead a thriving book club for 4 years. I love entertaining and spending time with my girlfriends. Outwardly I may look as if I’m this really transparent person, however, I just realized last year that , unfortunately I haven’t been.
Last year was really challenging for my husband and I financially. We have always been people who lived below our means, but some business decisions we made really put a strain on us. During what was one of the most stressful times in my life, I didn’t talk to anyone (other than my husband) about what was happening. It was a lonely time. My relationship with the Lord was strengthened, but my relationship with family and friends was weakened. God in His wisdom, grace and His mercy revealed to me through my quiet time, my Pastor’s sermons and even a few televangelist (believe or not) that I needed to be more transparent about my life. I needed to allow people to look closer at my life, because through my life he could help others. In obedience and through tears I began to share with some of the ladies that I really trust what was going on. I can tell you through that simple act of obedience I haven’t felt this free in a long time. The blessing that’s also come from it is that I now serve in a leadership role in the women’s ministry of my church. I believe God wanted me to know that in order for me to be effective in women’s ministry I had to be willing to be “naked and not ashamed”. Kendra
My email address is
[email protected]
Vickie
This year my goal was to have a closer and more personal relationship with our Lord and Saviour. Your description of the house needing repairs was excellent. From a distance it looks okay but up close you can see the necessity for repairs. This is how I feel about myself. Thanks for sharing this information and I look forward to your online study. May God continue to bless you!!!!
[email protected]
This post has touched me. I have been dealing with my brick wall for over 30 years. I was sexually abused throughout my childhood and I still have the perportrator in my life. I am married for 15 years and have 3 beautiful children. My husband tolerates a lot. Our relationship is more brother and sister like than husband and wife. I have always had the Lord in my life but moreso over the past year. I know I have to take down the wall but I am so sared. I am praying that in time I can do this so my children do not grow up thinking this is how a mariage is suppose to be. I want them and myself to freely experience love . I can love others but I do not accept it from others very easily always feeling dirty and unworthy. I am looking forward to your study and hopefully in time I will be able to walk with Jesus and break down this wall and see the beauty hiding behind it and embrace it. Thank You Marissa
Unable to attend a lot of Retreats and Church gatherings now, I have found Christian fellowship and teaching has opened up for me on the web and T.V.here in my own home
I really need the companionship of other beleivers and to share with them.
I was so glad you appeared on my computer, please keep sending out your messages.
Over the past two almost three weeks I have really learned that we need to make our selves open enough especially for Jesus. When you close yourself off to the world especially those who you love and love you. It eventually catches up with you and your life falls apart right out from under you. Infact this past week at my Bible study we were even shown an illustration using the the game Jenga. The more you let temptations into you life, or you just close up and dont live a life dwelling in God your foundation gets weaker until eventually it all falls.
Renee, I recently went through a tough time when someone very close to me hurt me and violated my trust. As a result, I disengaged emotionally as an act of self-preservation; I didn’t even really know that’s what I was doing. The Lord used a series of things to bring it to my attention and soften my heart in that area. I had to search my heart and forgive again, and God gave me the desire and opportunity to openly discuss everything with the person who offended me. During this time, I also realized that it had affected my closeness with God. I can’t even begin to describe how it feels to walk in the freedom and liberty of giving it all to God – knowing that He pursued me, and set my feet back on a firm foundation. I’m so glad He loves us enough to pursue us – and He keeps on loving us.
WOman at the well..God has been speaking to me so strongly since I saw Lisa speak last week at McLean Bble Church and now this…I have referred to myself as “the woman at the well;” someone who believed, but not in the way He has desired me to. My past has been filled w. such shame due to things that have been done to me and choices I have made in the past. I have just begun listening to Him and REALLY hearing His word. His presence touches me deeply and I am filled w. awe. I am grateful and my heart is filled w. much joy to finally begin to understand the salvation Jesus promises me. I am so blessed..Thank you for creating a safe place to share my thoughts and feelings
I have to admit that I’ve been receiving Encouragement for Today for months now, and haven’t managed to read very many at all. I have filed them though so I can go back to read them. Today however, I read it through and thought, “yes, I used to be like that, but am I still like that?” I’ve been separated from the outside world for 15 months now because I contracted Guillain-Barre Syndrome so I’ve been in lots of neurological pain because of the broken signals to my brain from the regenerating nerves in my limbs. I’m doing really well now and have almost full use of my arms and legs but this past 15 months has been a wonderful time of separation from my extremely busy life to having no responsibilities and not being able to even cook my own meals. My husband, daughters and Mother have been wonderful helps. Yes, I’ve been in pain, but I couldn’t do much else, so I really concentrated on getting in touch with God again, getting up close and personal. I’ve been able to study God’s Word and recently bought the Gospel of Matthew and Gospel of John on DVD. I’m going to play them and play them until I’ve memorised lots of passages! This time of seclusion meant I had to resign all my roles and positions in the outside world and it has been the most wonderful release! God is doing a new thing in me. I feel like it is a second chance to live again. I’m a different person now to who I was just 18 months ago. I know everyone doesn’t have to be excluded from the world like this to be changed by God, but for me, my illness has turned into the most wonderful blessing. But, the test will come when I can get back into the world and I meet old acquaintances. But I just don’t feel like I want to put up my defenses again, or put up walls. I kind of feel like I’m in a different world, like I’ve come out the other side of a tunnel.
I am touched by your message Renee because I hid the real me and was a bubbly personality, but have never had a close friend, and school wasn’t a happy time for me, and I put up this facade and hid behind it. How could God love someone like me who had nothing to give Him, was just a useless frame of flesh and bones? But as God and I have become closer in our relationship, I’ve learned to know that He is the One who can lead me into a great and purposeful life, despite my opinion of myself. I don’t need to ‘do’ anything, just stop and ask Him “what will I do here, or now, Lord?”
So, I guess I’m saying, yes, God can and will get up close and personal with all these dear ladies I’ve read comments from today. He will never make you feel ashamed, and He will always encourage you to come to Him, warts and all! He just doesn’t care about anything you’ve done or the insecurity you feel, He just wants YOU, and if you allow Him, He will lovingly cleanse you and change you and you will really start to like yourself and even love yourself, because you will see the “Jesus” in you. You will be overcome with joy and humbled by the tremendous love He has for you. You can never earn His love, because it is a free gift, one that sometimes takes a long time to accept. Just come to Him as you are, repent of anything you know you need to get out of your life, and give Him access to get inside you. He’ll enjoy cleaning you up on the inside, and encouraging you to allow Him to live your life for you, by living through you, just let Him have all your concerns. He never thinks you are a hopeless case, because you aren’t. You are full of potential, you just have to take the first step, and let Him in. You can’t surprise Him with anything you confess because He already knows it, and is waiting to wash it away forever.
As I was reading the messages that told me there were women in the world who aspired to be the Proverbs 31 woman but felt they were hiding themselves from people and were therefore lonely like me, I wondered if anyone would like to be a prayer partner or even just a friend? I know I need to be accountable to someone to encourage me in my walk with God and I have always been an encourager to others, so I’d enjoy having a like minded friend I could encourage and correspond with. I’m 51, happily married (to a non believer) with 3 adult daughters and 3 young grandchildren. My email is [email protected]
Thanks Renee for being God’s instrument of encouragement, for being human and being able to sympathise with so many of us and reach into our innermost being and open the door to allow us to come out from inside our prisons. God richly bless you, and I’ll be reading my issues of Encouragement for Today from now on because they really are, Encouragement for each of us today and everyday.
Lynette
I have been in church my whole life but only developed an intimate relationship with Christ two years ago. There is nothing like it…so extraordinarily awesome! He lavishes me with His unfailing love. The anticipation of what lies ahead is thrilling. He has pulled me from out of the pit and given me a new identity. His greatest work is on our inner man…I am truly changed…praise the Lord! I love it how He calls us the apple of His eye…every one of us! Believe Him!
[email protected]
Thank you for your candid words about getting up close and personal with God.
I have been hurt after sharing my heart with a “friend.” I revealed my hurts and struggles, only to be told I was crazy.
I have been a Christian almost all my life, with some periods of rebellion in between, and I have told others that Jesus loves them, no matter what their stuggles, what they have done, or how many times they have messed up. However, I have had a hard time accepting the truth of Christ’s love for myself. I feel ashamed and inadequate.
Please pray for me. As life gets overwhelming, I will not find victory in hiding my struggles, any more than Adam and Eve profited from “hiding from God” when they knew they messed up.
Thank you.
Your devotions help me turn back to Jesus during struggles with trying work situations. When I DO stop and turn my frustrations and troubles to God, the “Way” becomes smoother. Returning to school in my “middle” years brought me much closer and aware of the blessings from trust and faith in God and Jesus Christ. The friends that stand with me, support me, and help me through trying times truly came to me through Jesus knowing what needs my life required. Thank you for your insites. They inspire me and help keep me moving forward on the path to teach the Good News after ordination.
Renee, I recently went through a tough time when someone very close to me hurt me and violated my trust. As a result, I disengaged emotionally as an act of self-preservation; I didn’t even really know that’s what I was doing. The Lord used a series of things to bring it to my attention and soften my heart in that area. I had to search my heart and forgive again, and God gave me the desire and opportunity to openly discuss everything with the person who offended me. During this time, I also realized that it had affected my closeness with God. I can’t even begin to describe how it feels to walk in the freedom and liberty of giving it all to God – knowing that He pursued me, and set my feet back on a firm foundation. I’m so glad He loves us enough to pursue us – and He keeps on loving us.
It’s funny how sometimes God has to take all of our “security blankets” away from us so that He can actually be our our best friend, but most of all our “Father”. This has been my experience lately..He has GREAT plans for me, and my family, but He had to get my attention, my FULL attention! I now know that He has called me..called me to completely Seek Him, but I didn’t know how..so He is showing me. And I have to say, “Thank You Lord, Thank You for loving me so much that you would take the time to teach me and to hold and mold me!”
You see, I’ve lost my house, my marriage, my car, my furniture, my job…everything but my incredible son, Jacob. We went from living in one of the most elite neighborhoods, driving a Lexus, having all the comforts of life (weekly Spa visits etc.) to the homeless shelter, and now being on foot. Most people think I’ve lost my mind..and at times I thought I was going to! But now I know He has me..HE FINALLY has me! He Loves Me SO much, and has such great plans for me, He had to get my attention! I can honestly say that I have been SO Blessed, I have never known life could be so wonderful! And it’s all because of HIM..Hallelujah!!! So, if you are struggling today, give Him Thanks, because He wants you to turn to Him, He wants you to know Him, He wants to know you..He wants to help you, He wants to be the center of your life, He wants to talk to you, He wants you to talk to Him, He wants to LOVE you..like you’ve never been loved before.
How thankful I am Lord..How thankful I am.
I’ve always struggled with the need to keep up the facade…. I learned it from my parents and carried it on into adulthood. I’m better now to an extent. But even now, sometimes when I share something with someone I wll apologize or say, “Oh that was so silly (or stupid) to tell you.” I think the thought here is that if I dismiss it first, it won’t hurt so much when they do it.
But I do it with God to. I know there have been times when I even though I know God’s love with me is personal, I have the sense that I just slipped in the backdoor and if He noticed me he would send me packing. Realistically, I know that isn’t so — but that is what I think sometimes.
Thanks for writing and opening up this discussion.
carmen said… I was 33 years going through a divorce when Jesus started to revealed Himself to me through my trials. I was so broken in more ways than one,being sexually abused,raise in foster homes, singel mom and so much pain inside my heart, now I can honestly tell you that Once I came to the well Jesus filled my cup and now at 46 He stills continues to fill my cup. I get up early in the mornings at 4am so that He can fill me up and I can then share with other His love for them. It is only through my brokenness and my inadquacities that he continues to amazed me. I would’nt want this relationship with my Savior to ever end. My prayer is that I continue to surrender my marriage that He has blessed me with this 12 years and my daughters so that I can bring Him glory through it. Nothing else matters to me than to be a reflection to this dark world of who Jesus is to me and wants to be to those who come into my life so that they too can know HIM like I do CLOSE AND PERSONAL there is no other way but to surrender all to Him . Thanks Renee.