How hard is it for you to let people know how you’re doing? I mean how you’re really doing.
I think most of us tend to keep our guard up and shy away from lettings others in. But, we long to be able to let our guards down and depend on other, especially when we’re in need of help, prayers or encouragement.
As I shared in Chapter 2, “Sometimes I think we tell people we’re fine even when we’re not, because we want to be. Or we hope that by saying we are fine, eventually we will be. Other times we act like we’re fine because others expect us to be. And I love how so many of you admitted you also have days when hormones or grumpy-ness trump all good manners and anyone within ten feet knows you are not fine. In fact, what you really meant in code is that you are Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted!”
Today, I want you to meet and hear from my friend, Melanie from Only a Breath. She’s the one who created our really cute Online Study blog button (see my sidebar if you want one)! Today she challenges us to take off the “I’m Fine” mask and be real with God, each other and especially ourselves about how we’re really doing.
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… She walks the hallway, fighting back tears that threaten to well up again. It’s been a long night, filled with betrayal and disappointment. Her future is uncertain. Back at the office, she tries to maintain normalcy. When eyes met, she is faced with another routine, “How are you?”
“I’m fine”, she answers, with a plastic smile that hides her pain.
… Across town, a young father shakes hands with the fourth interviewer that month. “Thank you for your time.”he says. On the way home, his wife calls to see if there’ s any hope for the job they’ve been praying for…for so long. They have mouths to feed, children to raise, a car on its last miles… “It will be fine”, he assures her. As he hangs up, he hangs his head in despair.
… A young, single mom cuddles her baby on the park bench. She holds her boy close, surrounded by happy couples with smiling children. She never expected to raise her child alone. The pain is sometimes too much to bear. Will she ever feel that she belongs? That she is wanted? Loved? Beautiful?
“We will be fine she whispers into his soft ear, surrounded by whisps of fine, brown hair.
“I’m fine…”
“We’re fine…”
“Doing great…”
In Chapter 2, Renee invites us to take off the “I’m fine” mask. But she also acknowledges just how scary it is to expose the pain that keeps us up, haunts us like nightmares, and threatens each breath of hope.
… but we’re fine.
Or are we?
Could we take off the mask that we, especially as Christians, live the “fairy tale”? We are certainly blessed, in every circumstance guarded by the Father, but honestly, in the deepest parts, we aren’t fine.
I’m not fine.
If I took off the “I’m fine” mask, would you think less of me, or would you think I’m … human?
We don’t have it all under control, and I can’t help but think that when we act like we do, we basically tell God that we don’t need him.
We’ve got this.
By pretending we’re “fine” we tell others something must be wrong with them if they are hurting… because we certainly are not hurting.
We’re fine.
What if we let someone else in? What if we said, “I’m hurting, and the details aren’t important, but would you please pray for me? I would really appreciate that.” Could that help them, in return, reach out to someone else when they are hurting?
Do we need to grant one another permission to not be fine?
Could we come broken before the Father, and cry out for His mercy and strength? He did promise to never leave us or forsake us. Even when we don’t feel it, could we still cling to His promise and claim it?
He knows we’re not fine.
Could the trials be the very thing that break the strings holding on our mask, allowing it to fall to the ground so we cling to Him a little tighter?
The truth is…
We aren’t fine… We are forgiven.
We aren’t in control… We are held by the hands that control our very heartbeat.
We aren’t invincible… We are made to look to the only One who can heal the broken.
As a sisterhood of hearts seeking our confidence in HIM, let’s take off our masks today. At least here with each other. And maybe with just one other person we meet this week. I have a feeling someone needs to see the battle wounds and scars we carry in order for them to stop pretending and seek His help too.
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
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Thank you so much Melanie, for reminding me and all of us again today that God’s grace is sufficient. God and His grace can be my sufficiency… if I let HIM be.
Today’s Assignment:
- Continue or finish reading chapter 2 and answer end of chapter questions. Then come back and share with us what God is showing you about how His perfect love changes everything – especially the pressure to be it all, do it all and know it all – all at the same time.
Connect in Community:
- Please “Share Your Thoughts” below this post. (Remember if you are reading this in an email, click here to visit my website and connect with our ACH community!
- If you are on my site, click “Share Your Thoughts” and do just that. (This is such a valuable part of this study. My favorite part!!)
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My dad has been struggling with depression. He was hospitalized for a while with it. Our family feels that it is best to get all of this into the open and share with those who are concerned how they can best help at this time. This book has shown me at this time that if we believe God will give us the confidence we need in this life, no matter what we feel. This study is timely for me. Thank you Renee Swope for sharing your story.
This blog really hits home for me, as I’m sure it has many others. As a cancer patient, I am often faced with obstacles that seem insurmountable. When this happens I respond with a tough attitude and push forward. When people ask me how I am, I say, “okay” or “pretty good” because that’s the way I approach the obstacles.
Well, through the last few days, with the video, the book, and now the blog, I finally broke down while praying and cried out to God about how I really feel about my current obstacle I’m facing. I realized at that point, I had never prayed specifically about it – I had prayed during rehab for God to get me through, but I had never prayed about the issue I’m facing.
I finally told God that I want to feel that he knows me the way I read that he knows me in the Bible.
Thank you, Renee, for this study. I believe it is already making a huge difference in my life.
I’m struggling with confusion, loss, hurt and anger. My husband whom I truly love has betrayed me and I thought he would never do something like that. I want to let go of the pain and hurt.
I understand your pain/hurt, even though my situation is different
Please know I am praying for you today Dana
Dana,
I see your pain and can remember my own. I hope you can read my post further down the page. Before posting it today, there were only four people that even knew about the stuggle my husband and I went through. I pray that you and your husband’s hearts will be open to God’s redemptive work in the marriage that is above all His. He created marriage, He is apart of that covenant promise between husbands and wives, three are stronger than two.
His perfect love changes everything because it means I am lovable regardless of my choices. I tried for Yeats to appear good enough to be loved. I never measured up. It left me feeling depressed and worthless much of through time. I was always looking for the next best thing to show that I had it all together when my external and internal life was crumbling, quickly. When my Mind grasped the concept that I was lovable just because my heart did not believe. Coming into a group of people who were supportive and transparent and safe helpedme to begin letting go of the image I thought I had to project. It took years and I still have bad days. However when I stay in God’s word and associate with loving people who will admit to having the same struggles and accept and encourage you through them God’s love becomes more real and my willingness to be vulnerable and reach out becomes possible. I am not scared most of the time to say I do not have this, but God does and he has sent others in my life who are Also pursuing that path of authenticity. So grateful for thisgroup of women. You are a part of the connections I need to get through the journey.
I was thinking about this chapter all day yesterday and found myself wondering how many of us ask the question “How are you doing?” just as a simple formality and deep down in our heart we don’t really want to know, because we are consumed by our own burdens and/or struggles. I have to admit that I am one of those people and throughout this study I realized that it is selfish on my behalf to ask this question fleetingly. I realized that “I am always fine” because I don’t believe people want to hear how I’m really doing. One of the things that has made me so aloof to this is that very presceptive that I mentioned above. OMG, I realized I am one of those people! Many times I share my pain and just got the typical “I’ll pray about it” only to realize that the person was not interested in what was truly going on in my life. I have to say this has made my heart somewhat hard! I am grateful that this study has given me the sensativity that I need to really care how others are doing! I feel that God has softened up my heart and has given me the grace to repent of my owned selfishness, but also to allow others into my heart.
This “I am fine” stuff seems to be Satan’s curse reserved specifically for us women, huh! It’s an easy out not to deal with what’s really going on, for me to convince myself that if I’m feeling bad I’m really just having a pity party and should be able to deal with it on my own. I don’t want to “burden” others with my issues, so I keep them inside, feeling like I should keep it all under control (control is a whole other issue, right)? Renee, thank you so much for opening up this study and inviting this world of ladies in! Thank you God for the reminder that when we share our real hearts and hurts we do have the opportunity to help others by showing we aren’t perfect and don’t expect others to be perfect or “all fine”. Father, I pray we look to You for our confidence and strength in stepping out of our silos and finding other ladies with whom we can share AND support, for Your glory.
Thank you, ladies, for everything you’ve shared. I had maybe my first honest prayer yesterday – not saying what I thought I *should* but crying out to God about a very painful set of situations in my husband’s family that have been going on for years. The Samaritan woman story, I think, helped me to do that – she hinted to Jesus just how bad it was, and he told her that 1) he already knew and 2) it didn’t matter, he cared about her anyway.
As far as being real with friends – please pray for me. My last good friend dropped me without a word almost 20 years ago – last time I saw her was the day I was her Maid of Honor – and she’s my sister-in-law, has been for almost 14 years. Part of all the family stuff that breaks my heart. I keep myself to myself now, but maybe I shouldn’t.
Thanks for the message of today. Its true I always say to people Im fine, wen I know Im not just because people expect me to be fine. Today Ive learnt that saying that Im fine whilst Im not fine is deceiving myself. Thanks and God Bless.
This is so incredibly hard to face. For the past 5 years, I have been Sam at the well every time I entered church. I may as well have had a heavy, large, iron “D” branded on my forehead. It has been so conspicuous that everytime I’ve looked up to see my Saviour, all I can see is the “D”…cold, ugly, heavy, shameful…weighing me down, holding me back, making me unlovable. I was the one to file for divorce after almost 20 years of marriage. The church was involved. It was done with much prayer and countless interventions for a man who rejected me for airbrushed models from our honeymoon on. I never stood a chance. I could never compete. He was an addict who couldn’t get enough but wanted nothing of me. It was a twisted, painful repeat of my childhood. I was the little girl who longed to see her daddy look down on her with love and affection. I spent about 40 years doing all that I knew how to earn my daddy’s. Love. At that point, my Saviour gave me a glimpse into my daddy’s heart that has changed how I relate to him. I nolonger seek to be loved by him. Instead, I seek to pour out the Saviours love to him. The ex is a different. Story. My heart. Breaks for him. But, I can’t. Safely love him. He has stalked me and harrassed me to the point where I have feared for my safety. I. long to be Sam in church…a woman who can look up into my Saviours face and ratherthan
Sorry, it cut off on me. My prayer is that when I face my Saviour in worship that I will see His loving, forgiving eyes and not the ugly “D”. I want to experience “that look” that every little girl should get from her loving daddy. I’ve. Seen it…the precious litter blonde-headed girl runs into the room and seeks out her daddy from the crowd. He turns and stretches out his arms, looks down with adoring eyes and scoops her up in a loving embrace. Every little girl should experience that. I carried that desire into my marriage. Now I was the bride who longed to see her bridegroom look at her with love, desire and passion. I longed for him to reach out his loving arms to hold and embrace me. Instead, I slept alone on my side of the bed. These experiences have made me feel ugly, unlovable and worthless. I’ve. Allowed my divorce to pile more shame upon me. I feel as if I can barely lift my head up in church. I NEED to experience Christ like Sam has. I want to see Jesus look at me…like a loving daddy looks at his little girl…like a loving bridegroom gazes
Shouldn’t try this on a kindle..like a loving bridegroom gazes at his bride on her wedding day…like Jesus at the well…He went out of His way, went to a place where no Jewish man would go to seek out a woman that had been used and abused and tossed aside by man after man…to Jesus, she was worth the effort…she was loved and cherished despite all she’d done. I long for that kind of love. As a bridegroom rejoices over His bride, so will your God rejoice over you. Is 62:5b. Praying this verse for all of us!
Kimby…I pray that you will see God’s beloved child and not the ‘D’ You see. I pray you will find the courage to be confident in His love. I pray for you to be overwhelmed by His grace.
I have lived feeling shame for someone else’s behavior…it’s a lonely place. I once read ‘the same women who judged the divorcee at church very well one day may be that who she judged’…so why not just love on each other? Let Jesus heal your broken heart…it’s a daily or minute by minute struggle…He will sustain you.
Love to you…change your ‘D’ to a ‘G’ for grace…Jesus already did He’s waiting for you to do the same.
Jennyp1973, Thank you so much! I love the visual of the “G” replacing the “D”. I LOVE this! The visuals can be so powerful, in either a positive or negative way. I KNOW that it was me that put the “D” on my forehead. Jesus didn’t. But, in my mind right now, I’m picturing him reaching out and gently taking the “D” away and replacing it with the “G”. Thank you again, Jenny!
Kimby, I too have been divorced 4 times and I know God did not want me to stay in any abusive and dangerous marriage. you have nothing to be ashamed of, you ex should be very ashamed. Hold your head high you did nothing wrong. God wants you to be happy and not to be used by any man or anyone. Just let go and let God He will heal you. Read these from Proverbs 24:19-20. I hope it helps.
God will make you rich enough so that you can always be generous. 2 Cor. 9:11 I think this means more than just giving. it means He will give you what you need to feel safe and loved.
19 Do not be troubled because of evil- doers, or have envy of sinners:20 For there will be no future for the evil man; the light of sinners will be put out.
In Christ love. Amen I will be praying for you.
Angela 2, Thank you for your words of encouragement. Praying that both of us and every other precious lady in this group experiences the unconditional love that I am finding here.
I’m doing much better today than a few years ago, since I have learned to share the ‘real’ me with a couple of trusted girlfriends. There’s nothing like loving, Godly, encouragment from friends who know you, and love you anyway . 🙂 In turn, I can be their trusted, encouraging friend when they need a ‘listening ear’. I pray for all the ladies above who haven’t found that one or two trusted friends that they can share their heart with, and that soon, that will be a reality.
Bless you all – right where you are!
Susan G.
Your post gives me great encouragement Susan! I praise God that he is giving you sweet Christian sisters in the Lord that can walk life with you. Thankful you are doing much better!
I am still searching for that trusted friend that will just sit and listen
There are so many things people don’t know about me
I have worn the mask for a long time. I try to express, but just don’t feel like people understand me.
Blessings, my friend
Emily
This chapter really hit home for me. I loved the part that reminded me to slow down and talk to God about my day and the desires of my heart. Ask Him to show you the reasons for your doubts and insecurities. I love the great reminder that He knows us
I’m not “fine” today. We think, or I think I’m supposed to have it all together. Then I can help other people, I mean would people really come to me, not that lots do, but would they if they knew I was such a mess.
Todays been a hard day. Im 35 and I have struggled with guilt trips and hurt from the same source for a long time. I try to move past it, lay it at the alter, pray for the source, forgive not for them but for me, yet the words and hurt, nothing physical or dangerous (just in case someone reads this) but emotional hurt. And I continue to let myself continue in this same cycle over and over again thinking the next phone call will be different, yet it remains the same. The rejection is so deep and bleeds out into all my relationships including into my marriage to a wonderful Godly man who is patient and kind. I say this time will be different and that I’ll be “stronger” I wont seek the approval or want it anymore, but then I am and I feel rejected and hurt, all over again. I know this is not necessarily on topic of chapter two, but I feel this is a safe place. The situation happened this morning, at lunch I told my husband about it and cried, then I was exhausted. You know I have been in school until recently for six years to help others, and as I cried to my husband I said, “I went to school saying I wanted to help people, but I think I was just trying to “fix” me.” When my husband left after lunch to head back to work I felt the Lord prompting me to read the rest of chapter 2 that I began last night. I identified in ch. 1 looking for love in the wrong places, in ch. 2 I identified with Sam. I was her, have been her many times I think. Running or avoiding the eyes, the judgements, the belittleing. And the last 2 questions in chapter 2 made me realize something.
I prayed asking the Lord to speak to me thorugh His Word as I read through the Scripture of Sam’s story again. I felt through the words Christ spoke to Sam He was tellling me, “If you truly knew Me, truly realize who I really am, that I can fill you. Fill those hurts, fill those places left empty from rejection. That you continue to try fill them on your own, through anything, whether from the past of love from places you knew in your heart wouldnt fullfill, or even now, whether through ministry, your son, your husband, but I will truly fill, and you will no longer be “thirsty” again.”
In question 7 in what lesson I would take away from this chapter is Christ really KNOWS me, and even though He know, He LOVES me. He really and truly “WANTS” me, even though He knows all I’ve done in my past, my current failures, what’s been done to me, yet He still WANTS me. And He wants me to open up to Him and be transparrent, no pretending. I dont have to seek His approval or acceptance He gives it to my unjudgementally. HE LOVES ME.
You for the first time I related to the Samaritian woman on such a different level reading the story thru the context of this book. I have sooo many thoughts in my heading rolling around from all the positive words of truth that I read and are highlighted. My biggest hurdle will be getting all this from my head to my heart. Like Renee I always thought God was made in my DAD’S image and not the other way around. Rowing up I was out on a pedalstool by my dad, when I did good he was happy and doted on me. When I failed or did wrong or did not agree with hm then he was angry and disappointed. I think for the fist time I am realizing where my twisted view of God came from and I need to turn it around. I can honestly highlight and re write every quote and scripture in thes 2 chapters as every word relates and speaks to me right now and I feel sooo broken and unloved by others that I feel sooo alone (other then my kids and husband) I have no one. Man my journal is gonna be long tonight!!!!
Hello, I really enjoyed this chapter-chap-2. It real spoke to me and really LOUDLY. WOW!!!!
I understand, It is normal for any of us to live behind the mask especially in the current society we live in. However, I find in the family of God, we have to be transparent in order to get help and be of help.
Renee the part about how you were offended you were at the onset…. when folks saw the hidden part of your house, and but later appreciated the very reason that folks cared enough to correct or have you make the repair that needs to be done in your house–yes that message–REALLY blessed me. Because I was raised abused as a child, when I became of an adult I told myself, “now that I am an adult, I will run away from abuse (or anything that smells like it or looked like it). I will NEVER allow anyone to talk to me any kind of way’ because of that I had a hard time taking criticism, even if it is from someone who deeply cares. Recently though as I continue to grow in close fellowship with my Lord, I don’t take it as hard, (the onset feelings is still there) because of my own insecurities or doubt– if folks even cared) BUT it is not in the degree it was, and I am learning to thank the Lord, and move on implementing the changes that I have to make within myself.
My criticism/correction also got me even closer to my LORD for I often cry out to him (yes tears and all) and ask why I am going thru this once again, (why I am not normal-like everyone else, and perfect) and MY LORD the LOVER OF MY SOUL, reaches deep within my heart and lets me see it and his spirit comforts me and gives me the PEACE that surpasses all understanding as it says in Philippians 4:7 ‘And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus’
Now, in this season of my life, though I still do NOT like it, (till I get my CONFIDENT HEART) I am ok with correction, and— to come across those who find what is deep in me and care enough to share their godly advice.
**May God continue to touch the hearts of US all, and grant us the healing that we so desire. God bless you all. Today, I will commit to pray for each of you, as well as Renee-her team….as we continue to journey along the path that God is leading us to take**
I am seeing things that are hindering my walk with God. I am trying to deal with my anger and stress. I feel as if God is showing me that if I want to be a better witness to my daughters and my husband that I need to deal with my issues. I am not fine! I often feel alone, scared, and left to deal with life without the presence of my husband. My husband is a truck driver and is gone Monday through Friday. I am not angry at him because he is gone, he does a great job of providing for our family. I get angry at the situation, you see I have been praying for a job that gets him home every night for the past 8 years and God has not seen fit to provide that yet. I will continue to pray for that job. I do feel the stress of being a single parent Monday through Friday plays a huge role in my anger and loneliness. There are so many things that God is bringing to the front for me to deal with, only with His guiding hand.
This was really good! It’s been a difficult 6 months for me: first I lost my mom then my dad decided less than a month after losing Mom that he needed to find a new wife since he was lonely. I’ve been in therapy for the last four or five months because I’ve been so depressed over losing Mom and my dad has turned into someone that I don’t even know anymore. I told him three months ago that I really don’t want to hear about his lady friend, then a few weeks ago there was a terrible phone call where he told me that he can’t understand why I’m still upset over losing my mom. He said that I’ll see her again so why should I be sad and depressed. Then he called last week–just 6 months after my mom passed away–to tell me that he and his lady friend are getting married. Now, I feel like I’ve lost my dad. I am so depressed but I can’t tell my family about the depression because they believe that a Christian can’t be depressed so if I say I’m depressed, then that obviously means I ‘m not a Christian. And, according to my dad, if I’m still upset about losing my mom, then that means I can’t be a Christian because a Christian knows they will see their loved one again in heaven one day. So I go to work every day and say I’m fine…and I tell my kids and husband I’m fine…and I go to church every week and pretend that I’m fine…….
Elaine…you owe yourself time to grieve your mother. Let your father carry his own ‘backpack’ of how he will move on…you carry your own too. God’s heart breaks when your heart breaks…you can be an example of His love to your father…and that is an example of a Christian women…also a women who shows her children the love thru the tears from losing their grandma. You are also allowed to set healthy boundaries on your father’s new relationship…for you and your family.
You are strong thru Him…He will lead you.
Elaine-
I believe there is a time to mourn, and everyone mourns differently. Jesus even wept when his dear friend died.. JESUS mourned! And Jesus knew where he was going and what would happen to him, but we still mourn. The absence we experience from losing a loved one forms a huge hole. As brothers and sisters in Christ we are also asked to mourn and grieve beside you. Remain faithful in God’s promises, you and him will decide when to begin healing. Really glad you shared this. Think about deciding to break free and start getting real with how you feel. This journey is yours… whether your family understands or not.
Re-reading some of the comments from today…reminds me of a quote from our pastor…that happened to be repeated by my therapist ‘do not compare your inside stuff to somebody’s outside stuff’…I love that and it resonated w/ me. My brokenness is no different than your brokenness…it hurts!
Another quote I came across that I latched on to is…
‘Through our wounds, others may be invited to make an appointment with the Great Physician’…not sure who author was.
Why are we afraid to be authentic? Why are we doing the enemies work?…on ourselves and each other?
I am broken ladies…my whole life I have felt abandoned, rejected, alone, unworthy, unloved, afraid, unwilling to trust…I am not perfect and I have good days and bad days…I have a lot of baggage from my youth that I carried w/ me…carried is key because thru intensive therapy w/ a loving God and my loving husband & safe friends have I been able to say ‘I am the one Jesus loves’…and remind my self when I doubt.
I am afraid to take off my mask. I have built walls so high that I rarely ever let anyone in to see ‘the real me’. I have learned through a lifetime of being hurt that it is not worth it to let my walls down. I am lonely and afraid and tired of hiding from love. I don’t know any other way to behave I have been hiding for so long I fear I have lost touch with the ‘real me’. I often think that all of God’s promises are for all of you but not for me. It’s not that I don’t believe Him I just think he forgot me. I am not afraid to be transparent to God but I am to all of His people.
Lord I ask you to send the Holy Spirit to Phyllis to remind her of the hope of Your promise. Speak to her heart Lord and remind her she needs faith as small as a mustard seed. You can move mountains Lord…move in Phyllis’ heart to have courage through you to slowly unmask her heart and reveal the ‘real’ Phyllis…Lord you already know her heart…You are already behind her mask with her. Help her heart believe.
I have been in a place of no hope Phyllis…they were big ‘soul holes’ that only He filled for me. I too felt He forgot about me…then I chose to surrender and lean in hard on Him.
The women who have been married more than 2 times need to examine there choices in men. We women want to be loved that we are like the isrealite in the wilderness searching the same mountain in men and landing the same type of men. The one that mistreat us and do not encourage us nor value us. Let God choose your spouse, That is what I’m doing. If one never comes, i’m ok with that also.
I’m offended by your assumption that I didn’t go into marriage believing that it was a gift from God. I’ll admit freely my first marriage was a mistake of poor self-esteem, but I felt very strongly that god had lined up my life in a very odd and sometimes painful way so that I could meet my current husband. He was the total opposite of my first husband, and he was an amazing man when we met, and he stayed that way until he met HER. He had spent a lot of our marriage telling me he was “Fine” when he needed to address some things that were critical to our success.
I was a Christian both times I married. I had also gotten too big for my britches and thought I could be as smart as God.
I have, blessedly, learned this is not true. Sadly, my current husband still wants/needs/takes all glory for himself.
But until the day he got so mad he cheated on me , he was the biggest cheerleader is ever had. My friends were envious of our marriage. They all wanted a husband like mine. And I was so broken I didn’t feel I deserved him.
If I met the man today, I wouldn’t give him the time of day were he to talk to me the way he now does. So please don’t tell me I let someone mistreat me. I watched the man I love turn into a different person – and not for the better.
And knowing that all that love and support is poured into his mistress and her children instead of our family? Yeah, that’s what kills me. That’s what makes me doubt that even God could love me. Even though I know better.
So thank you for your prayers and support, but do not assume you know everything about us because we have had more than one husband.
I was dealing with this the day before we read this….my husband just left me.My family and friends keep asking me how I am and I keep saying I’m fine because I don’t want to be a burden on them. I know my kids are hurting too and I don’t want them to see my mask down. I have put my mask down for God and a few of my close friends. I just feel that I am a failure and I don’t want everyone to see that or that I am struggling everyday sometimes minute by minute. This study is going to be awesome for me and I can’t wait to see what God is going to do.
I think saying im fine for me was a way to not make something into a big deal. Also, i felt like i didnt want to burden other people with my problems. As i’ve gotten older, i’ve realized the importance of having people around you that can be encouraging and you can be transparent with.
I feel if I let people know I’m not fine they will think less of me. People see me as strong and confident, but I am far from. I don’t know how to humble myself before God, and with a sincere heart ask for his help to change me, to be ok with not being fine, and live w/o a mask. I don’t feel God’s love or presence, but I would be lying if I said he wasn’t real and could not hear me because he brought me here, to this bible study. I doubt I will ever change and grow, bc the lies I believed are now my truths. Idk how to not pretend, to take off the mask, and just be me. I’ve been wearing it for so long I don’t know how to be real, what that looks like, or who I am.
I do have difficulty asking for help. Usually I am the one doing the helping. I felt alone when I lost my job. I couldn’t express how I felt in the beginning. I finally figured it out. I was mourning a death of a love one. Losing my job hurt more than my two divorces. Believe me divorce is not an ego booster.. People were shocked when I lost my job. They didn’t know what to say to me. I still can not work because my daughter and grandson need me.
Wow! You ARE being real and honest ! This is a big step! Though I don’t know you personally you are going to make it to the finish line. This study will be your coach and all of us together will be each other’s cheerleaders. I too have walk that walk of acting like I am “OK” and not expressing my abandonment issues and fear of rejection. I have even lost a great man, because I feel I was not as vulnerable as I needed to be with him; he thought I was “PERFECT”, but I was not at all! So our connection did not pass our initial attraction and chemistry; we never connected emotionally because of wearing my mask! This is so painful to even express to a stranger, but I want you to know you are not alone. Keep in your prayers and I will do the same. Giselle from Miami
Thank you. I needed this today. Its been a long week and a very long day. I’m empty and right now I’m not fine. I’ve been known to be too emotional so I’ve learned to not show how I feel anymore. To just smile and be happy even though inside I’m hurting and I’m weak. I can’t fight the fight of being the strong one anymore. I’m empty and I can’t give to everyone anymore. I’ve been single for over 15 years now. I’ve survived many things including a divorce that ended because he raped me. I just last year was able to open up about what really happened in my marriage for the very first time to a christian counselor. After I told him, I felt free. They say the truth will set you free and it did. I’m working on falling in love with me again because for so long I shamed myself because of the rape. I felt I deserved it. Too ashamed even to tell anyone, until now. I know God has a plan for me, plans for good and not for harm. I know He loves me and doesn’t want me to carry this load anymore. Its not a husband or a marriage or kids that I’m ultimately seeking, but to know that I am in the perfect will of God doing what He has called me to do, whatever that may be. But some days, its hard. Today it was hard. I’m not fine. But tomorrow will be better. Weeping may endure for the night but JOY comes in the morning!! Awesome article!! Thank you for posting it. Be blessed!!
I was just speaking about authenticity & brokenness w/ a girlfriend yesterday and why women are so afraid to share how they are really feeling! Why does our society mask the hurt? Why do we have the fear of being perceived weak? Why did it take 38 years for me to have true authentic safe relationships? Why didn’t I free my heart earlier in my life? Why do we feel the need to ‘be fine’ when we are not?
well…I matured through therapy…I matured as a woman…I matured as a friend…I matured as a wife…I matured with Christ. I would like to declare the words ‘I am fine’ not part of my vocabulary. Lord let my tongue speak the truth through You…I am happy…I am scared…I am tired…I am anxious…I am overwhelmed…I am sad…I am excited…I am content…I am lonely…I am loved by Him.
today’s blog really spoke to my heart and my struggles…and I love how God repeats Himself in my life!
I think sometimes we fake it because we are expected to be happy. How can we show Christ’ love to others if we are a mess? It is hard for me to open up all the way. Once I shared my insecurities with someone and then later they betrayed me in a professional situation. It is hard sometimes to let your guard down. It is hard to trust others.
It’s real hard for me to open up and tell people my problems. I want everybody to think I’m this perfect strong Christian woman.I lost six of my family members last year but the one that hurts the most is losing my 37 year old brother to cancer. But when people ask you how you are doing and you say not good they look at you at tell you to get over it that your grieving should be done. So you start telling everybody your fine while your heart is in pieces.
I can relate with this so much! This is a topic that I’ve thought a lot about over the years.
Fine…generally I take it as not doing well when people respond that way. I know for me with all the physical battles I was facing when people would ask, I’d respond “fine”, because I knew my limits and I knew my strength and I didn’t want to be discounted because I wasn’t “well”.
Renee,
I just want to thank you for writing your book. It’s been years since I felt like I could relate to a book, in a way I do with Confident Heart, and the pain I’ve held on to for too many years, God is already speaking so clearly to me, and I’m excited for the work he is doing in my heart. I didn’t realize how I felt about myself, and longing to be loved so desperately. It began as a young girl when my brother died of Cancer at age 14 yo, and I 13 yo. I’ve always felt so abandoned as a young child, married young and was yet abandoned by my husband. For the last five years I’ve truly been in survival mode raising my two boys, with no family support, doing the best I can with what I’m given, but desperately longing to be loved and accepted. God truly put this book in my lap, and I really feel his presence with me. I’ve been longing to have Godly mentors in my life, but have not truly opened my heart to others, in fear of being left. God is giving me the strength and courage to press thru my fears, and trusting him and what he’s planning to do thru this study.
Thank you, for what you are doing!
Renee Matson
Chapter 2 was painful to read – for so long I felt that I had to be strong – single mom on active duty, no family network to count on. It was so hard for me to be open with anyone. A few years ago, I found a book, How to Study the Bible, that I picked up about 25 years ago (at my first duty station!) and started on a journey of getting to know God’s within the stories/gospels/letters. I’m no longer on active duty, my son is grown, but I still say “I’m fine” even when I’m not, but I’m thankful that I can talk to God, who knows when I’m not fine and that’s okay, because He loves me anyway.
This was stated in a similar way with someone’s earlier post, but a part of me questions that I have a right to ever say that I am not “fine”. What I mean, is that even as I read so many of your posts, the challenges that I face seem to pale in comparison to the journeys that many of you are on. My heart and prayers go out to each of you, and I appreciate your willingness to be so open with your struggles. How can I be anything but grateful for the life that I am leading, when there are so many in this world that would gladly take on my “worst” day as their “best” and yet there are times when my insecurities are so real and feel so insurmountable. It is in those moments, of course that I recognize that I have distanced myself from God and am looking for comfort outside of him. I truly pray that I learn through this study how to have a relationship with Him that fills those insecurities.
Lisa, I feel the same as you do reading some of the other posts. I don’t feel like my life is really that “bad” I have a lot to be thankful for. I feel like I started this study to gain the confidence to do so much more…to do what God really created me to do. I don’t know what that is yet, but I do know I haven’t been living my life confidently and I doubt myself a lot. I know that Jesus promises to meet me wherever I am…I don’t have to have big problems to have him help me through it.
Thanks, Sara. You are right. My challenges may be different than others, but it doesn’t make me any less in need of God’s support or love. I as well have not been living my life confidently, and I pray through this study I am able to discover how I should be walking differently in the plan that God has for me. Thanks again!
I use I’m fine all the time….especially lately….and part of it is I don’t know what’s wrong….been trying to just saturate myself in God’s Word and this study….thank you for the opportunity to just write this…
I haven’t been fine for a while. I keep it to myself though because I know there are other people who have a lot worse problems than I do.Besides the issues I’m going thru with my parents, I’m 42 and single, do not have much experience in dating and worrry that I’m always going to be alone. I’m very shy and introverted and have a really hard time getting out there. I keep thinking of Jeremiah 29:11 and know God has a plan for me and there may be a reason I’m alone but then I wonder if God has already tried to send me someone but because I was so scare to put myself out there I lost out. I know i need to remember that God is with me and work on keeping negative thoughts out of my mind.
WOW, I read the questions at the end of chapter one, right before I started chapter 2….I was amazed at things that I felt, that I quess where “put” away. I started to write in my journal and couldnt stop, I have gone over alot of what I wrote and I’m so gratful that I have a loving Savior, Redeemer and Friend. Chapter 2 was awesome I love Sam’s story….The pages in my book, are turning color, to bright YELLOW hi-liter. As I was growing up I knew about God, I knew in my heart He existed, but I DID NOT KNOW HIM!!! As ive been reading and going over my notes, I see even more prayers God answered. I surrendered my life to the Lord in 1998, while my walk has not been an easy one, I am blessed beyond measure. I have not been able to read all the posts but ones that I have read have touched my heart and thank you Renee….for sharing this book with all of us, also thank you for reminding us that He loves us and meets us where ever we are. Praying for everyone….
I use the “I’m fine” statement alot because I don’t want to admit something is wrong out if fear that people won’t understand. Im being to understand that is on yo not be fine and admit that, especially to those closet to me. I’m leaning on god when I need him not trying to do everything on my own. I’m so great full for this study, thank you.
I think I have a continuous play button that i hit that says I’m fine. It is my standard default.
i have had people in my life who have asked how i am doing and when i start to tell them they change the subject to what it was going on with them and i feel like what about me so i just give up a lot of the time.
this study has help me see that there is someone who truly wants to know how i am doing in and wants to hear all about it and that I can trust HIm to listen.
I remember back when I was a baby Christian and a single parent. Something bad had happened before I was a Christian and I shared it. I was told by the women I shared this with “Don’t Tell anyone else what happened no one will understand!” So much for being open –
I learned over time that even with Christians you just don’t ever tell the whole truth because it’s not safe.
Luckily I have one close Christian friend and we are honest with each other.
Not sure if I can be transparent or not.
I could so relate to Sam’s story. I’ve been alone most of my life. I was married for a very short time, long enough to give birth to 2 beautiful girls, and then we divorced. I raised my girls on my own. I remember at one point in my marriage…..my ex-husband told me “I should feel lucky he married me because no one else would have.” Those words resonated with me as I have felt most of my life that I wasn’t good enough for anything. I was involved with 5or6 relationships since my divorce and none of them stuck around and showed me true love. I know that God loves me…..but I don’t understand why I’ve had to be alone and go through some very difficult times without someone in the physical to be by my side. This makes me feel like I’m not worthy to have what seems everyone else has….a relationship….and because of this, it’s difficult for me to comprehend that God would want anything to do with me. I know He loves me…..but it’s hard to accept that he wants me for who I am.
Mary, although my story is very different I feel like some of the emotions that you have expressed are also the same as mine. I have never been married, and in fact have never even dated. I truly believe that if that type of relationship is something I am meant to experience than God will provide the right person at the right time, and yet it is not something that God has ever brought into my life. It is very hard sometimes as I don’t understand why? Marriage is biblical…why would God not want me to experience that kind of love? It can feel very lonely to watch others around you experience that kind of love, and many are quick to say things like “marriage isn’t everything”, “marriage doesn’t guarantee you will be happy”, or even question “why aren’t you married” as if it is a choice I have made to not experience that type of love. In my head I know that all of those things are true…that marriage doesn’t equate to happiness, etc. but in my heart it hard not to feel insecure or question why I’m not good enough to be a wife. I know God should be enough, that His love for me is greater than any other love could ever be, but that doesn’t seem to fill the physical void. I can’t offer anything more than my prayer and I will surely pray for us both. I appreciate you sharing your story. You are not alone, and while it is a lesson I am still learning myself, I hope you will never doubt your worthiness.
Like a lot of you I am currently seperated from my husband (14.5 yrs married…16.5 together). I tried fixing our marriage my self from last July until January. But I decided I can’t fix it….I still pray every day and most days LOTS during the day…I’ve really delved into reading, studying, and applying the Holy Bible to my life since the split. Sometimes are still rough…but I’ve decided all I can do is be the preson God wants me to be and quit worrying about trying to change him..bc until God works on his heart…noone can change him. It just sadden me we now have a 4 yr old little boy going through the middle of this too….he took us over ten years to have…we even actually tried fertility pills..THAT DIDNT WORK..I lost abunch of weight and bam it happened when we least expected it. I have in the last few months….read and committed to the RESOLUTION for WOMEN and now I am participating in this study. Of course now my estranged Husband says I am “ms religious” and I think everything I do is “Godly”….I try to let what he says go in one ear and out the other. I am not striving to please him..I striving to please my LORD!
Donna – my wannabe ex said the same thing to me when I finally caught the clue that the way to change what i had become was to go through God! I once tearfully said I wished I had been more the person I am now when he met me, and he said, “Nah – I never would have gone for a girl with her nose stuck in a bible.”
They say these things because they won’t take off their own masks. They can’t admit truth to themselves.
I have learned a lot about myself and who I am in The Lord through the last two+ years of separation from my husband. But he hasn’t learned anything, because he just ran off with another woman and is treating her as his new ingenue.
And despite it all – his affair, his mistress’ entitlement to him, his accusations for this that and the other – I have kept myself pure and open because i have to be able to face our 4-year-old knowing I’ve done everything to save her family. That I turned to God and followed his directions. Because if she can’t get her family back together after all this heartache, at least she can get a clear picture of Hod and who he is.
And maybe she will grow up knowing she is free to say when she is not FINE!
Your heart is in the right place, and I pray God blesses you richly for your obedience to him.
Sometimes I think it was easier putting on a fake face, then now admitting all the problems I have, I sure hope this study will help that, I think I feel even worse now then when I was faking how I felt, at least I felt like I might at least be alittle happy at times, please give me hope, I know God loves me to pieces, but as a human being I don’t see much of that towards me from anyone else, and I don’t want to tell a bunch of people how I really feel, then them not be able to figure out why I don’t GET IT!
I don’t mind sharing my real self. I just don’t any more because I haven’t met anybody in a really long time that I think cares whether I’m hurting or not. I feel isolated and friendless. Not real sure why I should share when it seems nobody cares.
Tammy – my heart is breaking after reading your comment. Please don’t shut others out. My prayers are with you.
Peace & blessings,
Tammy T
I have a question, if you don’t love yourself, ARE you capably of showing love to others, I was told now by 2 people that you can’t, you can’t share something you don’t have, I don’t love myself:-(( Will this study help me to love myself?
Through the years in the church, I have been taught to think “positive.” Don’t let others know you are hurting because we, as Christians, are supposed to be positive. I’m often told to stop complaining so I hide my hurts deep inside. Very difficult to find someone that you can trust unconditionally and just say, Please pray for me. I’m so hurt.
Cheryle – You have hit the nail on the head! We are afraid to share our hurt, because it makes us vulnerable. We try to live up to, or down to the expectations of those around us. You know, every day, I look in the mirror and say, “I am good enough. I am beautiful just the way I am. God loves me.” After awhile, I started to believe it. Give it a try. Once you start to feel worthy, you will realize that your feelings are valid and need to be shared. I would listen if you want o share what is hurting you so. I’m so sorry for your pain. I’ll be praying for you tonight!
The problem with opening up is that when most people say, “How are you?” it is just an obligation, and you are expected to answer “I’m fine”. How utterly shocked would folks be if they had to engage in a deeper exchange? I am guilty of surface relationships, because sometimes I am afraid if I open up a crack, I will fall apart. It’s time to get together as women and understand that none of us are “fine” and that’s why we need God and each other.
Hiding behind “I’m fine ” led to overwhelming anxiety,and depression with a subsequent inability to focus on anything other than despair and deep emotional pain. I had to let my guard down and turn to God, His Word, and the people he put in my life to teach me what I need to learn and to give me hope. This study came at a good time. Acquaintances still get “I’m fine ” but friends, new and old, get the honest answer. I like the suggestion to ask for prayer from those who ask how I’m doing, and will try to do better at asking for this.
I, too, like the suggestion to ask for prayer when people say “How are you?” Thanks for pointing out that simple suggestion that I skimmed right over! I’ll be giving that a try. I am also good a beating them to the punch by asking them first, “How are you?” because then I don’t have to answer to them. How sad is that? DeeDee, I am going to stop and pray for you right this moment!
WOW. Is all I can say. I am about to take off my mask and let u all know me.
I was born January 31, 1984, weighed 2lbs 2ozs. Adopted the day I was born, I am biracial and my adopted parents are white. When I was adopted, they had two boys that were nine and eleven @ the time. My biological mother and my adopted mother are sisters. My adopted dad didn’t want me at first because I was biracial. He told my adopted mom that if she went and that black/N***** of baby that he would take the boys and leave. My adopted mom is a Christian, so I always went to Church. Later that day she went up and saw me for the first time, they called her on the way to the hospital in the ambulance and told her that if she wanted to see me, she needed to come soon, because I may not live. So, again, she went up and seen me later that day, and to this day, she tells me, she did nothing but pray for me, She had her Church pray for me.
When she got to the hospital, she said they kept measuring my head and it just kept getting bigger, so a month later, I had to have a shunt put in for hydrocephalus, Once they got the shunt put in, I stayed in the hospital for 3 months, then I got to come home and they did, nothing but, love on me. I had to keep going back to the doctor for certain things, once was when I was really sick, because they had me on the wrong milk. I kept thriving though, I give the credit to GOD, he wasn’t done with me. I had my adopted dad wrapped around my finger when I was little, and my adoptive brothers are still close today. My adopted mom still goes to Church, and her faith is still like it was 29yrs ago when I was born. In the mean time I have had other health issues come up because of my biological mother, she took drugs while she was pregnant with me and I ended up having Hepatitis C because of her drug abuse. I have had several surgeries because of my prematurity, I’ve had 4 eye surgeries, one shunt revision, gallbladder surgery, jaw surgery, colon surgery, etc. Some of that wasn’t because of my biological mother, but a lot of it is, I have a hard time with forgiveness, will u all pray for me? I am now going to a loving Church, I just don’t accept love very well. I am doing good though, I was told I would never amount to anything by some teachers I had. I am living on my own, working at a grocery store, been there for almost 10yrs, went to college for a little while, etc. Thanks for reading my story, feel free to e mail me
Thank you for sharing your story!!! Praise God for saving you!! Praying for you <3
I was into the second day before I joined this online study. I am so glad that I did. I find that no matter how hard we try to be the Christian that God wants us to be we all have our struggles to deal with. This one is probably what we all deal with at some given time of answering “I’m fine” when really you are not. We may not always feel that we can be open with those around us, but, we are so blessed that we have a God that wants us to be honest with Him and let him know that we are not always fine. If we can just remember to leave our “I’m fine” or “Worries” at the foot of the cross, we will see a brighter side.
God bless each of us in this wonderful study.
We are so fortunate to have this freedom to study God’s word and to share what we feel.
Whew! My sisters are going so many things. I would like to share a short testimony regarding being honest with one another. On Resurrection Sunday, following a breakfast at our church, I asked a gal how she was doing. She responded honestly – not to well, and I could see tears in her eyes. She explained a little of what she was experiencing. I asked her if I could hug her. She put down what she was holding and we hugged. As I hugged her, I whispered a prayer in her ear, all the while rubbing her back and holding her tightly. She was crying some. It was such a blessing to just pray “spontaneously” as God gave the opportunity. I just had to slow down and listen to her answer. I try to do that when I ask people how they are in passing – when we’re both walking in opposite directions. 🙂 What happened with this sister doesn’t happen often, but I do want to be open to others’ needs. God bless you all.
This is so beautiful! I am so thankful that you listened and obeyed God — what a challenge to us all to respond with compassion and the power of prayer!
I wish there was a like button by all the comments, like on fb:-))
Chapter 2, questions…1. My first memory of God was sitting on a step at my friends house reading Genesis 1 so I must have been second grade. God was good he had made the animals. Growing up He was good but I wanted my mom’s pray answered, that my dad would quit drinking and return to being the man God had called him to be. That took fifteen years of my mom and grandma’s faithful praying and yes I prayed but because my dad was so far removed from me and it took so many years, God seemed distant. 2. My childhood perception of God was one of remoteness but Jesus sought the woman at the well, he waited for the woman at the well, he answered her questions, he looked at her, she was not invisible. 3. Often I feel I am the only one who struggles with insecurity and doubt. Some areas of my life I am not filled with doubt but I still fear rejection in regards to writing. 4. Jesus is a safe place and so is God, it is comforting that he cares about my hopes, dreams, desires, disappointments. My current situation is trusting that God knows where I am at, we gave up our home to take care of my mother in law and I lack any control of where I am at. The other problem is my husband has a need and God has not answered that need probably because my husband doesn’t see his problems as a need and that makes it my problem and I continue to live with his problem. I do go to Jesus in order to make it through the day. He is my safe place. 5. Much has happened in my life, currently physical pain causes me to distance my self from others. Sometimes I distance my self from God but I do know that Jesus is with me every day. 6. God knows my secrets just as Jesus knew hers, God knows my shame of past choices, just as Jesus knew her choices. The lesson I walk away with is that I am loved. Despite the pain I have in my life, I am loved. His eye is on the sparrow. The good work he started in me, He will complete. Phil 1: 6 Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in me and in my husband will carry it on to completion, until the day of Christ Jesus. Blessings Diana
I am so tired of wearing this mask of everything is OK. It’s NOT OK!
Living with the constant rejection from my husband, then he informs me it’s me fault that he cheated on me via the internet, because I rejected him when I was caring for my dying mother, three children – youngest with special needs, and his diabetes. He’s the one that refused to be with me, because his priority was/is the virtual world.
I have been praying for God to change me. To help me be a better mother to our youngest son, help/show me how to give our daughter the middle child what she needs of me since so much attention goes to her little brother, and to “Let Go and Let God” with my 20 year old son who seems to have fallen off his path. I am also praying for the direction I am supposed to take with my almost 15 yr marriage. I know God doesn’t want any of us living in abusive situations weather it’s physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, economically, spiritually. It was shocking when God opened my eyes to the fact that I am abused on several of these levels, and I thank HIM everyday that it isn’t physical.
Oh, sweet friend. My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I am praying for your marriage and for the pain of betrayal you are experiencing. I pray that God would transform your husband’s heart and restore your marriage. My love to you today….
Having been someone in the past who would not allow people to know I was NOT ok I struggled through the last year as I completely fell apart. I started attending a new church with people who didn’t know anything about me. I cried a lot, every sunday service for a whole year. After my pastor referred me to counselling things started improving and I am feeling less controlled by my emotions. Unfortunatley things are still not OK. I’ve found that once again I have put the mask on because people seem to not want to know. I need to talk and in talking to others I generally hear myself give myself the answers.
Having had the mask on for so many years, letting it drop for a year and now putting it back on…. I find it easier in my relationships with others with the mask on rather than off.
Unfortunately it is not good for me and my spirit to have it on 🙁
I’s finding a balance I think
Praying for you, sweet friend. Have you considered blogging or journaling? When I wrote this post, I was overwhelmed with discouragement. I only felt better after I wrote it out … very much therapeutic for me. Praying for you today. Unfortunately, you are right about some people just don’t want to know. I’m praying God will use you in a mighty way for Him — to reach others who may be going through discouragement as well.
with love,
Melanie
Thanks Melanie, I really appreciate your prayers. Yes I do journal and it does help with those overwhelmed emotions. I prefer to talk with friends and I do have a couple who are great. Most people do not understand my circumstances.
My husband has Aspergers/OCD/Depression. He doesn’t socialize well and often offends people. We have three children who were all born prematurely by emergancy casear and all have medical/learning issues.
My eldest son also has aspergers. My 2nd son is due to have his 10th surgery later this year and the 2nd on his spine.
My personal story cut short is my family believing I am the reincarnation of my mothers twin sister who died a few months before I was born. I was named after her and through out life was expected to live the life she was unable to live.
Because I didn’t measure up to what was expected of me I became the unwanted, unloved child.
Much of that I am at peace with now as I begin finding who I am in Christ.
I am very grateful for the Pastors and friends I have who have helped me through the last year when my husband turned away from God and cheated on me (We are still together trying to sort things out)
He will no longer attend church or even speak to our church family 🙁 Which I find extremely hard as the vision we had together is now dead and buried.
But back to my lovely friends, I see in their eyes that they really do not understand what it is I am saying or going through. Although I am grateful they listen I feel because they don’t understand I am being a burden on them. Trying to find a balance of when to put the mask on and when to take it off.
Trusting God will show me and help me to overcome the emotional turmoil.
Many thanks to all the team and participants of this study. I love reading the comments, it helps me feel that I am not alone after all. God’s timing is perfect and this format for this study is a blessing. 🙂
Wow! Chapters 1 and 2 are incredible. They have allowed me to work through self doubts and insecurities. They helped me realize who God is and how He forgives us and helps us. I have struggled with failures, loss, low self worth, etc. I thought by filling up my schedule it would help ease the pain but it didn’t. I usher, volunteer at an inner city youth program, the team mom for my son’s baseball team, work full time, etc. All it did was make me overwhelmed and exhausted. I love volunteering because it helps me feel valued and like I am making a difference. I have struggled with failures becase I have always wanted to be a nurse but I failed out of two programs. I don’t know what to do with my life. I struggle with “what is my calling.” This book is helping me so much. I really appreciate this study.