I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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I struggle with trying to be perfect – be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, employee. I am failing – the perfect wife – not so much – I have to work and when I get home – I am tired – tired of dealing with and frustrated with people I come into contact with, when I walk through the doors at home, I have to tend to my father who is suffering from Alzehimers and Parkinsons. I deal with the guilt of not being able to be home all day to take care of him – I run home at lunch to check on him. So after all that, I am too tired to make dinner for my husband or clean the bathroom. Both my father and I are dealing with the loss of my mother – she passed 6 months ago. I wrestle with my emotions – I wanted to do more with my mom but now it is too late. I am trying to take care of myself – need to lose some weight – so even my “the world’s” standards – I am far from perfection. I just feel that I have left everyone down – I am stretched too thin and I pray everyday for God’s strength.
Oh my goodness! This is so where I’m at and have been for a while. Trying to please everyone and not doing it for the right reasons, forgetting the One who loves unlike any other and forgetting who I am in Him. Your words are so encouraging and just what I need to hear right now! Thank you for being open and obedient to the Lord’s calling!
WOW!! This is so hitting home today! I have heard about this book but have never read it. Sounds like it really needs to be on my list of “to do” things this summer. Thanks for sharing!!
Just today, I have found your website through Proverbs31 Ministries and believe through my faith in God that I was led here. I am a single, professional, mom of a wonderful and beautiful teenage daughter. My life has been full of adversity, but my faith, hope, and trust in God have always seen me through both the best and most difficult hours of my life. Recently, God has renewed my spirit, and is leading me to spend more time in prayer, bible study, and fellowship with my church. Like many other women, I too suffer from a low self-esteem, lack of confidence, feelings of failure as a mom, and lack of understanding of my purpose in life. I pray for God’s will in my life and through Christian friends and mentors, family, website and publications such as yours, I am being shown the way, for which I am very grateful and thankful to God. My life’s verse is Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, never rely on what you think you know, Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way”. With faith, I am guided, with hope, I am stronger, and with love, I will endure. So happy to be here!
I am going through a deep struggle right now, as my husband of 20 years is telling me ,from Afghanistan that he is not happy and does not believe that we can work through this time. I doubt the validity of my existence every day, thinking that I am unworthy of love and affection. I wonderif, at my age, I will be able to support and take care of my 14 year old. Today’s message spoke to me on so many different levels. I am so glad that it was put into my path. As I head out on my daily 5 mile walk, I will use that time to speak to Him and listen to his plans for me. Thank you again.
To some this may sound, well, not so nice and maybe I could have opted to use another word other than “enjoy”. It was not too long ago my husband and I were riding in the car and I said to him, “I enjoy seeing other peoples mistakes.” Not much response on his end I proceeded to share my thoughts. I told him “The reason is it makes me feel better about myself, the freedom in knowing, “Hey, its ok to make mistakes…we all do.” In the end no one is better than anyone else. Sure some may have all the degrees, the well paying job, nice cars and beautiful homes but it doesn’t mean they’re without making mistakes sometimes. There are days I can still feel of know value, especially when in search for a job and not much success but I tell myself, “I’m ok and that God loves me.”
I have always been my own worst critic – and often even when others commend or encourage me, I am willing to let myself think they are just being nice”. As much as that is hard on me, my biggest thought is that it will come out to my children and husband and that they will feel I am criticizing them more than I am encouraging and building them up. I don’t want challenges to be the best we can be in God’s sight to be critical words to those I thik I may be encouraging. I would love to spend the summer working on this critical attitude – of myself and even of others – with the confident heart devotional.
I couldn’t possibly put into words right now what this devotion meant to me. Thank you.
i am not perfect but I would love to have this book to have a closer walk with Jesus and to get to know him a whole lot better. trying to get all the negative thoughts out of me& from around me.
be blessed
Thank you for your post. Most days I feel like I will never overcome being my own worst enemy and stop holding myself back. I feel like I “know” I’ll fail at something, so I self sabotage and don’t begin things so that I can’t fail. But then I find myself unhappy and lonely. I’m currently sitting outside on a day off trying to connect with God, trying to contemplate what He wants me to do with my life. I work for a Christian company, but leadership turmoil has made me question everything, including what I’m good at and whether I want to continue on this career path, no matter who I work for. The world is crowding out God’s calm and reassuring voice. Thank you for reminding me of God’s truth today as I search and pray for guidance, hoping that I will have the courage to pursue the life He has for me in Christ.
I needed this now more than ever. It is axing to know what God puts on your heart that invariably is meant for so many other people. Thank you!
Just stumbled upon your blog and am loving it! Can’t wait to start this devotion. It’s exactly what I need right now!
Thank you so much for your words today, how true.. no matter how many positive things you hear the ones that really seem to stick and “eat away” at us are the negative or cruel items. Thank you for your words of wisdom and reminder that God love us despite our imperfections
I love reading your devotionals,they always speak to what I am thinking at the time. You have a way with words that is a real gift. I am in need of some confidence right now and I am sure your book is what I need.
I have struggled with perfection all of my life!! I know that I am not perfect by any means, but coping with it is a difficulty. I was so young when I had my first child. I was 19. I didn’t know anything about anything, much less about being a mother. My firstborn is now 19, has graduated from high school with honors, and is attending college on scholarships. I have 3 other children, as well. You would think that at this point I would be more confident in my ability to mother children, but it is still a constant struggle for me. Thank you for sharing this message for people like me. It encourages me and gives me hope.
I really needed this! Thank You, Lord for reminding me that all I need to do is rely on You, for You alone are perfect.
Reading this made me realize that I shouldn’t let others’ criticism dwell in my mind and heart but instead, ask God for wisdom on how to deal with it.
Inside I struggle with feeling like a “dry & weary land where there is no water.” But then I read words like your devotional today & that draws me back to God’s words…
Isaiah 17-18,20
“The poor and needy search for water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
But I the Lord will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
I will make rivers flow on barren heights,
and springs within the valleys.
I will turn the desert into pools of water,
and the parched ground into springs.
So that people may see and know,
may consider and understand,
that the hand of the Lord has done this.”
And then my anxious heart calms amid the whirlwind around me, and I can rest in the way my Abba sees me. Thank you Renee for letting The Lord use you this morning.
I so appreciated today’s daily devotional from Proverbs 31. And then I followed the link to your blog and this message was just as timely. I often feel the weight of failure and loneliness. I’ve been longing and tempted to pursue relationships that would be less than God has in store for me, but His reminders, through you and some amazing friends, have been timely and much appreciated.
I never felt I needed to be perfect but I’ve always struggled with not feeling like I’m worthy enough and I didn’t measure up to my peers. This has been a childhood issue that moved into my adulthood. This inadequate feeling is a result of being born with a chronic illness that has limited my potential in many ways, but I’ve come to realize thru Christ Jesus all things are possible. I believe this truth so evidently, however I still have my moments when I doubt it. I love the fact you address these issues we deal with in our physical man, but in the spirit nothing is too hard for God and he loves me.
This was a much needed message for me today…..one that I probably need everyday. I am really bad about holding on to those negative feelings that come when people intentionally or unintentionally say things that cut to the core of my heart. I am working on letting go of those feelings, forgiving those that have hurt me, and being confident in God’s unconditional love for me. It is a DAILY battle not to let Satan get in the way of that. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!!!