I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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Sometimes We Need More Than a Blog Post
Do you ever feel alone or unnoticed? Need a friend to walk with you and help you see how much you are loved, pursued and created for a purpose? If so, A Confident Heart may be just the book for you!
Looking for the perfect summer devotional? Each day my new A Confident Heart Devotional: 60 Days to Stop Doubting Yourself, offers a personal, powerful and practical way to live in the security of God’s promises right where you are!
Thank you for this beautiful reminder. I’m a working mom, and right now dealing with an absent husband and a hurting relationship. Trying to hold myself together, my household together and my children together has been more than I can bear. Thank you God for having my back and believing in me!
Wow, this is so relevant to my life right now. I play a sport where teammates can put ridiculously high expectations on others and when I fail to meet them, I feel worthless. I know in Jesus eyes that I’m not worthless, but taking that mindset out on to the track is difficult for me to remember. Each day is about trying to live with Jesus at the forefront, so praise God I can begin a new each time I fail. Thank you for sharing your heart with us in your writing. I can’t wait to read the rest of the book.Blessings.
I thought that being perfect was the way to go i was afraid to make mistakes until it dawned on me that i was so insecure and i doubted myself so much..i couldnt believe that i was good enough but reading about a confident heart chapter 2 was like it was me that Jesus was after.Am thankful because the Lord has used you to reach out to women and see the love that chris has for us and that Jesus sees all my pain and He has been there all along.I pray that i would get the chance to read the whole book and to experience more about the love of Jesus and stop feeling like no one really cares but Jesus really does.Am ready to start a new life of appreciatingg myself and loving me.thank you..God bless you
I have raised two children who are now 23 and 20 and had very little difficulty with them. I also have a 13 year old who is making me doubt my mothering skills. I keep telling myself each child is different and most probably I had these same issues with my older ones but it is a struggle every day to know just what to say so that this child won’t go down a road that doesn’t need to be traveled. I am so afraid I won’t do something right and I will lose this one to the evils of this world. I am trusting that God will protect them and He knows they path they will take. I just pray my child will be perceptive to Him! Thanks for allowing us to get this off of our heart and I pray for those others who are struggling with imperfection. God bless!
I doubt myself all the time, where I am, who I am, what I need, what I don’t need, am I good enough, strong enough, woman enough? How pleasing it is to know that God loves me. He just loves me – no matter what. He just loves me. Wow – that’s a thought that I battle to fathom, or understand, but He just does love me. I don’t need to feel it, I just need to know that its true. Because His word tells me that it is.
I am trying, desperately trying to internalize and fully believe that no matter what, God loves me and is there for me, not to criticize me but to encourage me. I have been a Christian for some 37 years now; I thought as I grew older that my walk with the Lord would become easier. Instead it has become so much more difficult with the death of parents, the rejection and estrangement of a daughter, two heart surgeries of my own, multiple heart medications, the pre-mature loss of a career I loved, and now depression. I hold onto the promise that Jesus is there in the midst of my lonely and imperfect life and that I do have worth and purpose, although right now I don’t feel that is the case. Your blog message today helped me to remember once again that I am not alone is my insecurities; that the One who loved me so much He laid down His life for me is present in my life and cares, even when I don’t feel His presence – and so I place my trust in Him once again, secure in the knowledge that He has a plan admidst all my hurt, sorrow, sadness, and chaos, and then I keep putting one foot in front of the other and face another day – together with Him and His perfect love.
I absolutely love your devotion! It blesses my heart and encourages me so much!
I’ve always had confidence issues! HE is building my confidence and walk with him and with other believers!
Living the truth of today’s posting has reolutionized my life and way of thinking/living – that God’s approval and pleasing Him is all that matters. Thanks for sharing this truth today and I hope that others will live in God’s promises and love and have confidence in their relationship with Him that He’s all we need.
I’m definitely a perfectionist and I am starting to see how this has really held me back all my life. If I can’t do something perfectly (and no one can), then I don’t even want to try. Therefore, I never try. I really want to try anyway, even though I am bound to fail. 36 years of this…it’s time to change.
Your message brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat. But you are right….who wants to be perfect if it means being alone! Thank you for the encouragement and I loved the reminder of what God says…
Because My love for
you is perfect, you
don’t have to be.
Phil 1:6
I help depressed women and your book is like a healing balm to cure those negative thoughts they have.
” Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?”
This sentence resonated soo much in my heart because I am my own worst criticizer. And it is the drive to be perfect for others that wraps me in knots. Perfection and people pleasing is a recipe for discouragement and constant failure along with a puffed up view of self that leaves me critical and judgemental of those around me. The more I’m surrounded by Gods love the more I want to give it to those around me. And His love is perfect…the kind that is selfless and heart filling. A heart full of Gods love makes us grateful and humble and we see ourselves for who we are–imperfect–but made perfect by His love which enables us to pour it out on others rather than pour out criticism. I thank the Lord for His love and pray for more and more to love others. This blog post was such a great reminder to me to fill up on His love instead of criticism.
Being perfect is something I’ve been struggling with for over 10 years. When I make a bad choice, I beat myself up about it. Needing to be perfect is causing me a lot of emotional and spiritual pain. I believe this is something I need to let go of and give it to God. In the meantime, I just keep pressing on, reading the word, and praying. Please keep me in your prayers!
God Bless!
How timely! School may be over but the busyness of summer, with visits and camps and visitors coming and going- I feel overwhelmed and those nagging doubts about my mothering skills start to creep into my consciousness. Jesus is pursuing me, little ol’ me. Let me slow.down and take the time to receive Him. Amen!
Thank you so very much. You wrote this for me. I had over come a lot of my self doubt however the past couple years have been hard. A major incident happened that shook all I knew and made me believe I am a failure, no good……I struggle daily to remember who I once was and I needed the reminder that God meets me where I am. He doesn’t want me to be perfect because of Him I am good enough!! God bless you!!
You don’t have to do all that Tiffany. You just be you!! All that crafty homemade stuff doesnt make anyone better or more Godly. It’s what is in your heart, your desire and willingness to love sincerely, that matter to Jesus. I hardly ever cook breakfast from scratch, but Im great at toasting a bagel and putting butter on it for my boys :)! And forget anything crafty. All I do is get stuck together with that hot goo they call glue!
Just seek Jesus in a relationship and ask Him to show you how to love like He does. I bet He’d do less and be more 🙂
I am in a constant state of not feeling adequate enough or not good enough! I always second guess my parenting skills and hoping I am providing my husbands needs too! Life is hard. I am still trying to hold to the faith that God loves me even with my insecurities. I see crafty moms and feel that I fall short because I’m not crafty. I see wives that cook breakfast and dinner by scratch and I feel like I fall short as a wife. I see women at church doing all kinds of things and I don’t do as much as they do and then I feel like I fall short of gods expectations. I’m steadily doing bible studies, joining small groups, and praying throughout the day. I’m starting to get it, but I still feel that I lack a lot.
It’s such a relief to know we can stop trying so hard, huh? Let’s give God our best and trust Him to fill the gaps for us!
Thank you for such an encouraging word today. This is a good reminder that no matter how hard we try we will never be perfect. Thanks for this great reminder it is just what I needed.
I want to be the best Godly woman I can be in God’s eyes. I want to serve Him in whatever capacity He puts me in. I have a heart for teenagers and for the women of the church. I serve right now in both ministries. I am at a place now where I think it might be time to step down from leading the women. It is so hard to let go. Most of all I do not want to be in His way. I am seeking after a closer walk with Him. I so desire that. I know I am not perfect but I desire to be an encourager to other women. I want to be used of God. Please pray for me.
Pam,
Praying for God to show you His desires for not only serving Him but also seeking Him.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
Be an encourager Pam. That’s the best gift you can give Jesus and others!
This devotional was such a good reminder. As a pastors wife, my husband gets those emails sometimes and if we are not careful it will shake us up and cause some mind wars of who we are and our purpose. Thanks
Amen. And the enemy loves to get us all distracted and discouraged so we lose our focus from what God wants to do in us and through us. Thanks for the reminder Missy!
When I was a child if I brought a school paper home with a 97 score, my mother would ask what happened to the other 3 points. So I always tried to be perfect. In an abusive first marriage, I constantly told myself if I was just thin enough, or pretty enough, or whatever I didn’t feel like I was at that time, he would love me and quit hitting me. Even though I am now loved and adored by my second husband, I keep trying to be “perfect” although I’m the only one demanding that of myself. I’m trying very hard to come to peace with acceptance of God’s love as the gift that it is and reconcile my desire to be perfect for Him with the knowledge that He created me the way I am and loves me for it. As I approach 60, I pray that I’ll get past the intellectual acceptance of this and get to the emotional acceptance! Thank you for your words as I seek this goal.
Patti,
Your story reminds of Chapter 2 of A Confident Heart by Renee. The title of the chapter is “Because God’s Love is Perfect, I Don’t Have to Be.” So perfect for you. So much so that I’m going to pray Renee’s prayer at the end of the chapter for you.
When Patti feels insecure, insignificant, or unloved, remind Patti of Your perfect love that has the power to cast out her fear. Thank you for Your love that is patient, is kind, and keeps no record of wrongs. Teach Patti to trust in the fact that because Your love is perfect, she doesn’t have to be. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
WOW!!! I am so thankful for this right now. I have been doubting myself because of things said or not said to me. I appreciate your truth.
I’m looking forward to reading your book, Renee. Confidence is something I struggle with.
I ditto Marcy P’s comments!! I feel the exact same way. I am constantly reading books like Renee’s and the women of Proverbs 31 ministries & with their words of wisdom & biblical truth I am learning to also lean not on my own understanding. Thank you ladies!
This really speaks to me. Thank God for your blogs and contribution that so many can relate to. Thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
I am a 100% people pleaser with no confidence in myself. It’s something I have struggled with since even elementary school. I am trying to get out of it with God’s help but it is a moment by moment struggle some days. Sometimes I wonder what God is doing and then I am reminded that we are to trust him and lean not on our own understanding.
I am a wife, a mom (x3), a daughter, and a sister. This really spoke to me today.
Wow! It’s amazing how the Proverbs 31 staff know just what to say in their devotionals. quite a bit has happened over the weekend and a friend is in serious trouble – because she is incommunicado, I can’t reach out to her – and that really hurts because my last words to her were rather harsh. I believe that God knows where my heart is – but speaking from hurt is never right. I continue to pray that she will return to those who love her.
Praying for you and your friend,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
I have never needed to hear these words more than I did today. In the last year my husband was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, went through radiation and went back to work. We have 4 kids and 1 was born w/ a rare birth defect, she had surgery soon after my husband was recovering. Our 10 year old son has Asperger’s and our 2 other kids have to sit back and watch all this go on. My heart breaks b/c I can’t make anything better. I’m dealing w/ depression and I know God is in control- but these circumstances make me feel useless and numb. Reading all this, being remided that God is pursuing me, he doesn’t want me to walk through this alone. What an amazing feeling! To feel like He sees me, when it’s like no one else does is something I had never considered!
Melissa,
We have to love God’s timing! Praising Him for allowing Renee’s teaching to speak to you when you need it most. May He be glorified in and through you as you minister to your family.
Prayers,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
Thank you for your recent post, “You’ll Never e Perfect”. Your words of your heart being wounded spoke right to my spirit. I was fired, unjustly, yesterday. I am an outgoing person and really enjoyed my fellow employees and the members that belonged to the gym I worked at. I say I was unjustly let go because the owners husband had spewed out lie after lie about my personality and character. The one manager that was present at the meeting is witness to this as she knows me at work and out of work. But because the owners husband wanted me gone, I was let go. I know what he was yelling was not true, but his words caused me to question if I was who I thought I was? I started thinking about what kind of lies will he be telling my fellow employees and members as to why I was fired. I know, as some others will. I was fired because months earlier the same thing happened to another employee and I spoke up that he was wrong. I guess the why doesn’t matter at this point. Even though I know God will bring good out of it, my heart still aches, not only from being wronged but for the feeling of loss that I am experiencing as I considered everyone as my work family. And that is what we were, a family, I am trying to stay focused on Jesus and how much more angst he must have felt when EVERYONE betrayed him and no one came to support him. How those thoughts made my heart ache even more.. While focusing on Christ I am able to be thankful, I catch myself going from thought to thought, ‘thinking of things I wish I’d said to them”. But in all honestly thanking God for keeping a guard at my mouth. My heart still aches but the time between right focus and wrong focus is widening.
Praising God and looking forward to the plans he has for me, one thought at a time.
Thanks for listening, dotty
I have a feeling God wants you in a better place. Praying He will open a new door and you’ll see His protection in what feels like rejection. Praying that others will see the truth and that truth might set them free, too!
Thank you for this post today. Even though I know God is with me sometimes we need to be reminded. I’ve really been feeling down, unappreciated, lonely in this walk, and depressed. I would really like to win this book. I could just really use some more encouragement.
Even when I want to give up on me because of circumstances, etc., the Lord does not! He pursues, runs after, and woos me – he will not let go because He loves me and sees me for who I am – His daughter. We do not have to be perfect for God to accept us and love us. He sees us and loves us through His Son, Jesus. Oh what Love! Oh the Grace!
What you spoke about today really spoke to me. God doesn’t say we need to be perfect. We just need to trust Him, believe in faith that His promises are true and love others with the same love he loves us. Hallelujah!
I have tried to be perfect my entire life! Thank you so very much for this beautiful message! Being told that I am loved in spite of not being perfect is awesome, Just reading that I am not nor ever will be a perfect wife, mom and nana is so freeing!
Your words ring true in my head….now just to get my heart to see it. Doubting my abilities as a Mom and Wife have left me distant and disappointed more than I care to admit.
Renee, how true your words are and such an encouraging reminder we can hold on to!
I have a few friends who need to hold on to these words! Thanks for allowing an opportunity to win your book. Would love to share with those needing words of encouragement.
Blessings to you.
Thank you, Renee. Your posts always speak to my heart. This past year I’ve been recovering from emotional hurts & habits & it’s posts like this that keep me going. Thanks again☺️
Renee, thank you for this reminder. So grateful the Lord loves me and wants to continue on a daily basis to change my heart. Love this that I can share with my daughter about perfect. I have your devotional book through kindle and enjoy reading it. I want to share this book with my sister-in-laws, either as birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. I am one to have the book on hand, so thank you for a chance to win this.
Blessings
I am constantly seeking confidence as I struggle so much with self doubt. Seeking Him always gives me freedom and joy and helps me understand that I’m very loved and accepted by Him!
It always amazes me how God gives us just what we need at the right time. I needed to hear your message today. Bless you.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY! If I act in accordance with God’s will, then God is glorified and the opinions of others don’t matter. Every action needs to be done as if it is an offering to God.
I was so struck by by those words……”He is pursuing you with His gift of perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t give up on you!”…….It reminded me of a post from Ann Voskamp a few months back about God’s goodness and mercy pursuing us all the days of our lives. In Voskamp’s post she was referring to Psalm 23:6 – specifically the work ‘pursue.’ She had found the Hebrew of that word which is ‘radaph’ and it means to pursue, run after, chase. When I read her post I was struck by that image…..God pursuing me with goodness and mercy……She wrote, “…..the goodness and mercy of God isn’t just following after me placidly. The goodness and mercy of God pursues after me passionately. It’s what I keep thinking, picking up lost legos, errant books — like how my mama used to dash off the front porch and run down the lane after me, waving about whatever book I forgot for school — and who else is behind a forgetful, rat-race world but the chasing God? God is so bent on blessing, He chases. God’s not out to get you — He’s out to give to you.And God’s blessings don’t pursue temporarily — but relentlessly. It’s right there in His Word: His goodness and mercy pursue me not just some days — but all the days of my life. When I’m in a wilderness, His mercy and goodness run after me. When I’m hurting, His grace hunts for me. When I’m plagued by problems, His goodness pursues me. No matter where I go, He has his two blessing men right there in hot pursuit: goodness and mercy, and no shadow of death can overshadow the goodness and mercy that shadows the child of God.”
When I read the post today from Renee, I was immediately reminded of this and oh how I needed the reminder. The Lord knows me so intimately that He is revealing a Truth to me today that needs to be engraved in my heart…..He pursues me…..Wow…..all I can say is wow……
Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing! Ann is one of Renee’s favorite authors and a friend of Renee’s. So glad that Ann’s and Renee’s words spoke to you!
Blessings and prayers,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Email Ministry Team
I have read your book and love it!
I need to read it again.
I have messed up relationships because I struggle with perfectionism.
Yes, I am just beginning to realize this.
So I would love some more guidance in this area.
Thank you for your book & the giveaway.
God Bless
Renee, your OBS A CONFIDENT HEART was a life changer for me, so much so that I signed up for the P31 study as well! I would love to win the devotional! I have the book on my Kindle but there is a young woman that I have been praying for and helping…trying to gently open her heart to Jesus a little at a time by sharing and showing my faith and God’s blessings! It is my hope and confident expectation that she will see Him in her life…the past and the present and the future! “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give hope and a future…” Thanks and God bless!
I struggle so much with self doubt that your devotional would be a blessing for me. Thank you!
I dont have your book. I am not able to buy it. We dont have the money but I found a link to your blog on Facebook and I really like it.
Just reading this blog brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I feel so unworthy and battle negative thoughts about myself constantly. Thank you for the encouragement and reminder that I am a child of the one true King! He is perfect so that I don’t have to be!
AMEN!!! You are perfect in His sight!
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
You sound just like me! I read your blog and I can relate to
everything you say! I am going to have to get your book sometime
down the road as I am reading a book now and have another after
that. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect and
that it is okay to like myself. Thank you so much!
Hi Renee!
I read your book A Confident Heart a couple years ago and participated in the on-line study… It spoke so much to my heart and encouraged me to let God’s love and Words of truth flood my mind instead of listening to my own fears, worries, doubts and insecurites. Thank you for encouraging my heart through your book and devotions, and the reminder that Jesus is there with us through our everyday life. He is our blessed assurance!!