I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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I struggle with trying to be perfect – be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, employee. I am failing – the perfect wife – not so much – I have to work and when I get home – I am tired – tired of dealing with and frustrated with people I come into contact with, when I walk through the doors at home, I have to tend to my father who is suffering from Alzehimers and Parkinsons. I deal with the guilt of not being able to be home all day to take care of him – I run home at lunch to check on him. So after all that, I am too tired to make dinner for my husband or clean the bathroom. Both my father and I are dealing with the loss of my mother – she passed 6 months ago. I wrestle with my emotions – I wanted to do more with my mom but now it is too late. I am trying to take care of myself – need to lose some weight – so even my “the world’s” standards – I am far from perfection. I just feel that I have left everyone down – I am stretched too thin and I pray everyday for God’s strength.
Oh my goodness! This is so where I’m at and have been for a while. Trying to please everyone and not doing it for the right reasons, forgetting the One who loves unlike any other and forgetting who I am in Him. Your words are so encouraging and just what I need to hear right now! Thank you for being open and obedient to the Lord’s calling!
WOW!! This is so hitting home today! I have heard about this book but have never read it. Sounds like it really needs to be on my list of “to do” things this summer. Thanks for sharing!!
Just today, I have found your website through Proverbs31 Ministries and believe through my faith in God that I was led here. I am a single, professional, mom of a wonderful and beautiful teenage daughter. My life has been full of adversity, but my faith, hope, and trust in God have always seen me through both the best and most difficult hours of my life. Recently, God has renewed my spirit, and is leading me to spend more time in prayer, bible study, and fellowship with my church. Like many other women, I too suffer from a low self-esteem, lack of confidence, feelings of failure as a mom, and lack of understanding of my purpose in life. I pray for God’s will in my life and through Christian friends and mentors, family, website and publications such as yours, I am being shown the way, for which I am very grateful and thankful to God. My life’s verse is Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, never rely on what you think you know, Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way”. With faith, I am guided, with hope, I am stronger, and with love, I will endure. So happy to be here!
I am going through a deep struggle right now, as my husband of 20 years is telling me ,from Afghanistan that he is not happy and does not believe that we can work through this time. I doubt the validity of my existence every day, thinking that I am unworthy of love and affection. I wonderif, at my age, I will be able to support and take care of my 14 year old. Today’s message spoke to me on so many different levels. I am so glad that it was put into my path. As I head out on my daily 5 mile walk, I will use that time to speak to Him and listen to his plans for me. Thank you again.
To some this may sound, well, not so nice and maybe I could have opted to use another word other than “enjoy”. It was not too long ago my husband and I were riding in the car and I said to him, “I enjoy seeing other peoples mistakes.” Not much response on his end I proceeded to share my thoughts. I told him “The reason is it makes me feel better about myself, the freedom in knowing, “Hey, its ok to make mistakes…we all do.” In the end no one is better than anyone else. Sure some may have all the degrees, the well paying job, nice cars and beautiful homes but it doesn’t mean they’re without making mistakes sometimes. There are days I can still feel of know value, especially when in search for a job and not much success but I tell myself, “I’m ok and that God loves me.”
I have always been my own worst critic – and often even when others commend or encourage me, I am willing to let myself think they are just being nice”. As much as that is hard on me, my biggest thought is that it will come out to my children and husband and that they will feel I am criticizing them more than I am encouraging and building them up. I don’t want challenges to be the best we can be in God’s sight to be critical words to those I thik I may be encouraging. I would love to spend the summer working on this critical attitude – of myself and even of others – with the confident heart devotional.
I couldn’t possibly put into words right now what this devotion meant to me. Thank you.
i am not perfect but I would love to have this book to have a closer walk with Jesus and to get to know him a whole lot better. trying to get all the negative thoughts out of me& from around me.
be blessed
Thank you for your post. Most days I feel like I will never overcome being my own worst enemy and stop holding myself back. I feel like I “know” I’ll fail at something, so I self sabotage and don’t begin things so that I can’t fail. But then I find myself unhappy and lonely. I’m currently sitting outside on a day off trying to connect with God, trying to contemplate what He wants me to do with my life. I work for a Christian company, but leadership turmoil has made me question everything, including what I’m good at and whether I want to continue on this career path, no matter who I work for. The world is crowding out God’s calm and reassuring voice. Thank you for reminding me of God’s truth today as I search and pray for guidance, hoping that I will have the courage to pursue the life He has for me in Christ.
I needed this now more than ever. It is axing to know what God puts on your heart that invariably is meant for so many other people. Thank you!
Just stumbled upon your blog and am loving it! Can’t wait to start this devotion. It’s exactly what I need right now!
Thank you so much for your words today, how true.. no matter how many positive things you hear the ones that really seem to stick and “eat away” at us are the negative or cruel items. Thank you for your words of wisdom and reminder that God love us despite our imperfections
I love reading your devotionals,they always speak to what I am thinking at the time. You have a way with words that is a real gift. I am in need of some confidence right now and I am sure your book is what I need.
I have struggled with perfection all of my life!! I know that I am not perfect by any means, but coping with it is a difficulty. I was so young when I had my first child. I was 19. I didn’t know anything about anything, much less about being a mother. My firstborn is now 19, has graduated from high school with honors, and is attending college on scholarships. I have 3 other children, as well. You would think that at this point I would be more confident in my ability to mother children, but it is still a constant struggle for me. Thank you for sharing this message for people like me. It encourages me and gives me hope.
I really needed this! Thank You, Lord for reminding me that all I need to do is rely on You, for You alone are perfect.
Reading this made me realize that I shouldn’t let others’ criticism dwell in my mind and heart but instead, ask God for wisdom on how to deal with it.
Inside I struggle with feeling like a “dry & weary land where there is no water.” But then I read words like your devotional today & that draws me back to God’s words…
Isaiah 17-18,20
“The poor and needy search for water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
But I the Lord will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
I will make rivers flow on barren heights,
and springs within the valleys.
I will turn the desert into pools of water,
and the parched ground into springs.
So that people may see and know,
may consider and understand,
that the hand of the Lord has done this.”
And then my anxious heart calms amid the whirlwind around me, and I can rest in the way my Abba sees me. Thank you Renee for letting The Lord use you this morning.
I so appreciated today’s daily devotional from Proverbs 31. And then I followed the link to your blog and this message was just as timely. I often feel the weight of failure and loneliness. I’ve been longing and tempted to pursue relationships that would be less than God has in store for me, but His reminders, through you and some amazing friends, have been timely and much appreciated.
I never felt I needed to be perfect but I’ve always struggled with not feeling like I’m worthy enough and I didn’t measure up to my peers. This has been a childhood issue that moved into my adulthood. This inadequate feeling is a result of being born with a chronic illness that has limited my potential in many ways, but I’ve come to realize thru Christ Jesus all things are possible. I believe this truth so evidently, however I still have my moments when I doubt it. I love the fact you address these issues we deal with in our physical man, but in the spirit nothing is too hard for God and he loves me.
This was a much needed message for me today…..one that I probably need everyday. I am really bad about holding on to those negative feelings that come when people intentionally or unintentionally say things that cut to the core of my heart. I am working on letting go of those feelings, forgiving those that have hurt me, and being confident in God’s unconditional love for me. It is a DAILY battle not to let Satan get in the way of that. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!!!
Boy, can I relate! Thank you for this giveaway…
Thank you for your message today. I struggle with self doubt and feeling imperfect. I am a people pleaser BIG time and don’t like it. Today’s message was a great reminder for me to please only my heavenly Father.
Wow, I can’t process this devotion in one day. This is one I will use for the rest of the week just to absorb some of what is saying. I wish I had the confidence I need for myself. I am the “Sam” in this story always looking for acceptance from earthly people instead of seeking it through my Heavenly Father. Thanks for this great devotion today.
I would love to have less doubt and a more confident heart! Thank you for sharing Words to help with that. God bless you!
I have this conversation with myself almost every week. Generally, when I enter a room or when I am involved in a group conversation, it seems the people there look past me or through me and don’t respond to what I add to the conversation. I cannot count the number of times I’ve come home to tell my husband, “well, it happened again. I was invisible today……..” I have to remind myself constantly that Jesus loves me. He sees me. His plan is perfect and he is orchestrating His plan for each of us. I am also encouraged and hopeful when I read a devotion like this one. Thank you, Renee, for another timely reminder. Bless you.
wow and wow, just love the words in the post today! what a thought….Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized….. thank you for this
I love this…I am so hard on myself sometimes and need reminders that failure happens and we can’t be perfect.
I struggle everyday with not being confident. I am single again and have lost 175 lbs and still feel imperfect and no self confidence. I’ve been waiting 6 years for God to bring a God fearing Christian man into my life and nothing is happening. One thing I am confident of however, is that the Lord loves me no matter what. I am His child and He only makes beautiful things. I must learn to be content with this life and with the Lord as my Heavenly Husband!
Your message today is such an inspiring one. I don’t want my feelings of inadequacy to overpower me. I know the many flaws that I have but I also know that God is perfect and his love is perfect. I know that through the Holy Spirit I can feel his Love and am confident in that.
Sometimes I find myself wanting to spend time away from my family, if only for an evening to gain control over my sense of self-worth. It never works. I come home seeing the sink over flowing and socks everywhere. I immediately am filled with thoughts that I am not doing my job as a parent raising my kids to take care of themselves. All selfish and all about me…. I have some work to do on me.
The part when Renee wrote “Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.” reminded me that if the society criticizes A Perfect God, they will surely criticize me. I cannot walk around on this earth hoping to please everyone to receive the approval of everyone. I really identify with Sam, the woman at the well, in so many ways. I know most women are probably ashamed to admit that we all can relate to Sam in various ways. She had nothing left because she had given away her all to various people and distractions that she thought she was required to give to so that in return, she would receive their love and acceptance. How disappointed are we when we do the same thing? I’m reminded, once again, to give only to God, even when I feel like I have nothing left to give because I have a river that will never run dry. Only when I”m totally empty of “self,” He can fill me up and make me whole again. I’m glad that I’m not perfect but I serve a perfect God.
Just to say that it is so true that just one person can really hurt say but also it is so true we can trust that God will always be at our side. Thank you For your words very beautiful devotional. Because as a Pastor’s Wife we hear so much negative stuff and we may feel alone. But God is always on our side.
Jerimiah 29:11 is my favorite scripture. Learning to believe it for my life was a catalyst for changing me. God has taught me who I am in Jesus…the Holy Spirit leads, guides, and teaches me in the ways I should go and how I think. Staying in the Word and learning from other Christian women has helped me so much.
I thank God that today my confidence is not in myself, or my ability; but through Him I can have the appropriate self love. Loving Jesus, and letting him love me back is how confidence has grown in me.
Thank You Lord!
I am a busy mom with two little ones who works full-time outside the home while my husband is working long hours in residency; your blog is an inspiration to me! It reminds me that God is always with me even on the long and lonely “single-mommy” days. Thank you for your encouraging words!
I am amazed how you speak right to my heart. I have struggled with insecurities all of my llife and honestly thought I was alone in that. Your writings encourage me and point me to the truth in Gods word. Thank you so much for your ministry. The Lord has used you to speak hope into my life. Quotes from you are even speaking louder than my insecurities at times. That is such a sweet blessing!
I struggle daily with loneliness, insecurity, and a plethora of other things. Funny thing is I feel most lonely at home with four little hands who I train each day and in the house of God where I worship every week. The two places I should never be lonely. I am in a constant battle with myself of being a good person, a shining example of God to everyone along with being a good wife, mother, sister, housekeeper, chef, and all the other monotonous tasks I perform each and every day. None of them being done they way I think they should be done. Your devotional today is just what I needed to read. Thank you for it! Can’t wait for the devo!
The pressure we put on ourselves to do everything and be everything is daunting. We set ourselves up for feelings of failure, not being loved, not being good enough. I am learning……..and it has been a long, slow process….that if God is the only person I please and the only person who loves me just the way I am, that is enough. Everything else is icing on the cupcake. This doesn’t mean that I don’t try to help others or that I don’t care or it doesn’t hurt when someone criticizes me. It means that I try to daily live in the love of Christ. He is my strength, He is my security, He just IS. I am trying to simplify and downsize so that I have less “stuff” to focus on and more time to pursue Him.
Yes we can know Jesus love, but to feel it is something I really struggle with. The Proverbs 31 devotions are a true blessing. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for this – I really needed it today. I feel so very unworthy and this made me feel loved.
Renee,
I am new to Proverbs 31 ministries, and just subscribed yesterday. Your post today was the first one, and I’m glad. It is also the first thing I selected from my inbox this morning, amidst all the junky emails.
I definitely struggle with identity and self-doubt issues at times. I turned 50 this year, and have had a lot to reflect on, with many family events and milestones that have happened just recently. I have a lot on my plate, and I don’t know how everything will turn out. I’m in the job market as well, and if anything can smack you in the self-doubt area, that’s it. I am concerned/frustrated/scared much of the time, and am trying to be faithful and wait on God’s timing. Sometimes I wonder when my turn will come, and if things haven’t worked out because I’m not a “good person”. The things we let ourselves think, right?
So…thank you for your encouraging words today. I’ll be back.
Laurie
Confident………..don’t know if that has ever been a part of who I am.
I have struggled with confidence for a logn time but am making progress. I now worry for a friend that is letting the criticism of others in authority over her to consume her. Someone once told me that one day you will teach what you need to learn. As I am working on my confidence in Christ I am trying to lift up my friend also and learn this together. I will be passing on this blog post to her and sharing the devotional with her if I win. Ladies, please let Christ fill up that craving for approval, not others. Oh, what peace it gives.
What a great reminder that no one is perfect, we are all sinners – and we all can be critical at times of ourselves and others. It is then when we start doubting ourselves, our purpose, our confidence. But through it all we have the ONE perfect love to help us realize we will be okay and are never alone. Thanks for the great message of inspiration and hope.
Thank you for the reminder of our security in Jesus…we can rest in his love and not be intent on our performance! Grace and peace to you!
To rest my “imperfect self” in the love of the only One who is perfect is something that I struggle with daily. It is something that I have to remind myself constantly. That He loves me – and chooses me, in all of my “imperfect-ness”, and in spite of my “imperfect-ness”, before I ever chose Him!
I struggle daily with self confidence. I get criticized by my 16 year old son about being too strict, or too nosy, or always trying to control who he hangs out with or who his friends are. I feel as if I am not a good enough Mom. I feel as if I have let God down and that I am not the Godly woman he wants me to be. I sure could use some encouragement to obtain a confident heart and seek to be that Godly woman. I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength.
The worse critic I’ve ever had is myself! I love the reminder that Jesus never doubted himself.
Thank you for the encouraging devotion.
I’m struggling….and need prayer. Not expecting to win anything. I love your blog.
Brenda,
Praying for you. My favorite preacher once said, “It’s direction not perfection.” Just don’t stop striving in the right direction.
I am always looking for approval and quite honestly not alway do I look up. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is always there and he approves of me just because I am His.