I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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Confidence in this world is a daily struggle, your blog reminds me not to look for approval from this world. I should keep my eyes, my heart and my mind in God’s word. Thank you for what you do. It is refreshing to find a positive, uplifting writer that keeps the focus on God.
I loved this blog today. I struggle with issues of confidence sometimes on a daily basis. Often it’s whether I’m the wife I should be. Yes after 24 years together, I sometimes doubt my worth as a wife. I struggle with weight issues and have just been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. It is so comforting to be reminded that I am not alone. I have a friend in Jesus who is with me every moment of every day. What a beautiful thing that is! Thank You for this devotion and the reminder that we don’t have to be perfect. As someone who has struggled with the perfection complex especially in school, it is so refreshing to just let go and Let God!!
It has taken me a lifetime to come to where I am today but it was worth the journey. One of the most important lessons I have learned in this earthly life is that we are NEVER alone. God is with us in times of happiness and joy and just as importantly, He is holding us when we are experiencing sorrow, disappointment, self-doubt, and emptiness. Once I realized this, I found the phrase “I am with you” or “you are not alone” jumping out at me in all directions. We need only to seek Him and then we will find that we are truly never ever alone. God bless.
Reading A Confident Heart has reminded me that God created me with a purpose in mind. Every moment I doubt myself I am turning away from the path that God has planned for me as a wife, mother, and teacher. I struggle daily to live up to the purpose of my life and having self-confidence has been my first step to being the strong, Godly woman that I am intended to be!!
Brittany,
Praising Him for all that He is doing in your life! It’s definitely a choice and a day by day journey. As a friend tells me all the time – Progress not perfection! Thanks for sharing and I often find myself reading and re-reading Chapter 12 of A Confident Heart when I find myself making the wrong choices.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
People remind me of all the imperfections that I have. They remind me of all my failures and short comings. Its hard sometimes. But I am always reminded about how I have a perfect God that loves my flaws and everything about me. I love the verse”…..He will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6. He will never abandon me whenever I feel alone. We have an awesome God who loves us so much, words can’t even describe it. I am totally grateful and humbled by the thought of it.
Love this blog post & the P31 devotion. Great reminders of the encouraging, ever present, sweet love of Jesus!
I so needed this reminder. Thank you. Lately, I have allowed my husband’s beliefs to separate me from Jesus. He is a perfectionist, does not apologize for it and is extremely hurtful in what he feels is justified criticism when things are not meeting his expectations. I am very sensitive and already have low self confidence so additional criticism certainly does not help. I do not like the small town we live in, have no friends nor a church family. I miss having someone to pray with. Thank you for listening.
“He sees you.” “He is there.” Wow, such powerful words I needed to hear right now. I am not perfect & I don’t have to be. In the midst of my imperfections, God is there for me & loves me. We cling to what we believe is the ideal perfect life-perfect marriage, perfect kids, etc. When we don’t live up to unrealistic expectations, we feel like we are a failure, we feel alone, & unloved. The only one who can make us feel whole is our Lord and Savior. He died for us so that we may live. We are never alone, he walks with us. We must turn to him as he is there for us in all that we do.
I have been struggling with self doubt and feelings of failure for about two years. I’m great at offering support and advice to others, but I just can’t seem to keep myself out of this failure pit in my mind.
Hi Anita,
I come across as a confident independent woman because, like you, I find it easy to offer support and comfort to others. Now when I am feeling down or unworthy, I look in the mirror and offer myself the same advice I give to others. Then I find three things in my life that I am truly blessed with. Raises my spirits every time. Also, I read that if we go into each day with the attitude that we are working for and with God, it changes everything and takes the focus off of ourselves and our self-doubt. God bless. Cynthia
Waking to this msg this morn was truely God’s presence coming along side me, when I sensed the sheer struggle of loneliness. Growing up in a family where I, the youngest, was invisable, was crushing. My parents dealt with my brother & sister’s major issues but as the outwardly opposite situation of Sam, I was the good girl, but lent itself to being of little to no consequence. I would always do “the right thing” like the older brother in the prodigal son, yet was set adrift at a young age, alone and aimless. These 50+ years later, I still have echos of those struggles….as like you, I’ll never live up to all my high expectations, yet knowing that Christ has gone through these years with me truely has brought me through w/the peace that really does pass all understanding. Thank you for your faithfulness to share His words with us. :7) Karen
Sitting here wondering if the pile of laundry that has accumulated during the school year while I have been teaching will EVER be conquered this summer, and feeling like a complete failure as I always do, doubting my ability to hear God’s direction as to whether I should keep up the madness year after year at the expense of my children… Yet knowing that if I don’t, bills may not get paid. Is this my responsibility, or will God step in and provide if I sit back and trust my husband to do what he should so that I can do my job as a wife and mom? My thoughts are absolutely swirling this morning as I look around me at all that has to be done that cannot possibly be accomplished in the space of a summer, while all I really want to do is be mommy for a change. I just want to cry. Thank you for your timely message this morning. I can only do what I can do with what I have been given, and I do know for sure my Father loves me. I just need to understand better the approval part and remember that His grace is sufficient, and that in our weaknesses, He is made strong.
Melanie,
Praying for you. Praying for God to direct your steps and praying for you to follow His steps. Praying for God to show you the way to be the wife, mom and all that HE has called and created you to be. I would also recommend that if you haven’t done Renee’s “7 Day Doubt Diet” that you register and work your way through the study. It’s a great start and an incredible free resource containing some of God’s promises to us to claim for ourselves.
I’m attaching the link below for your reference.
http://reneeswope.com/aconfidentheart/7-day-doubt-diet/
Blessings and prayers,
Donna
As a mom of grown kids, I have to continually release them to the Father and trust Him to apprehend their hearts. My job is to pray! I have to refuse to listen to the voice of the enemy. I did the best I could to raise a Godly seed. I need to keep my hope and faith in God that He remains faithful and His promises are sure!
Wow, thank you for this reminder of who and what our God came for…to love us and to forgive our imperfect beings. I have been called a perfectionist by many, I am ready to change that aspect of my life. I know I’m not perfect, then I need to stop trying to be. God loves me and will help me overcome this area of my life.
Thank you Lord for knowing just how I feel..No I’m not perfect .. and you know all about my pain
It is so hard to get out of the cycle of not being good enough. And sometimes the more you try to get out, the farther you fall. It helps to sometimes do one thing you are good at and remember that.
Yes. It. Does. Doing one thing we are good at and not trying to be good enough at so many things.Thank you for sharing your strategies with us!!
Thank you for the reminder that Jesus’ approval is the only one that we need. And that even in His perfection we are made acceptable and loved.
I think emotional pain is like physical pain. one unkind word and we remember it like it first happened. then we feel like well i deserved that pain. the devil starts whispering depression into to our ears. one thing i have found helpful is to remind myself who I am in Christ.
Amen. Who we are in Him is the solution to every problem. Our best defense to every attack! thank you for the clear reminder!
Struggling with confidence is a fight I battle daily. What a wonderful reminder as a natural people pleaser I have a beautiful example in Jesus Christ to follow. He only aimed to please His Father’s will. Thank you for speaking truth and equipping us for the daily battle of the mind. To God be the glory!
Observing the way Jesus lived, loved and especially the way He let others’ opinions roll off His back… really helps the people-pleaser in me find a better balance!
Praying Jesus will seal this truth in our hearts this week!
EVERY SINGLE DAY I am reminded that I am not perfect. I am my own biggest critic.
One thing that helps me though is the LUXURY of standing on God’s promises. For example, in those moments of doubts I repeat to myself: “you may not be perfect, but you were fearfully and wonderfully made… created in the image of God–it doesn’t get better than that”
“you have not because you ask not–ask God for help today in this area.”
These simple statements and a ton of others help me through my most self-induced critical moments.
Amen, amen and amen!! Let’s keep preaching those promises to our hearts!
Confidence is a daily struggle- it’s so easy to think about past hurts and believe I’m not good enough. I was told that I need to work on being more confidence and would love to read this to stop second guessing myself so much.
I read your book and enjoyed it so much. Yes, none of us will be perfect, but our Lord was and so
thankful for that. He is the same today, yesterday and forever. He does not change, but we can as
we rely on Him each day of our lives here on earth.
Thank you for your blog each day.
J. Peterson
You’re welcome!! Im glad you are here!