I couldn’t silence the words used to describe how much I’d disappointed her.
An email filled with criticism had slipped into my inbox that week and it hurt my feelings … for days.
The shooting pain of failure, regret, and flaw-focused thinking struck like lightening through my heart.
That one email set off a storm of self-doubting emotions. It’s amazing what one person’s criticism can do.
When my children or someone criticizes me as a mom, I’ll start doubting myself as a mom. When someone criticizes me as a friend, it will doubt my ability to be a good friend. Ten people could say something nice to me or about me, but what I will remember most is that one person’s criticism. How about you?
After being tossed and turned by the winds of my people-pleasing tendencies, I finally called a friend to process my emotions and the harsh email. With wisdom she told me:
“Renee, you’ll never be perfect. And if you ever get to where you are, you will be all alone!”
Boy, she was right!
I am not perfect.
I’ll never be perfect.
And if I ever get there, I will be all alone.
Sweet friend, I don’t know if you ever feel like a failure ~ completely imperfect and full of flaws – like I do sometimes. But here is what I do know ~
Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.
But, guess what? Nowhere is it recorded in scriptures that Jesus ever doubted Himself. No matter what, He stayed secure in His purpose and confident in His calling.
That day, my friend spoke reality into my reeling feelings. And God used her wisdom to reminded me: Jesus depended solely on His Father’s approval.
What His Father said {about Him} was all that mattered {to Him}. And that is what He wants for you, too.
No matter what, God loves you and He is there for you… not to criticize you but to encourage you.
- He is there in the midst of your sometimes lonely, imperfect life… when your disappointments and failures leave you empty and make you doubt your worth and purpose.
- He is there when you’re going through the motions, aware of what needs to be done but afraid you won’t be able to do it all.
- He is there when you’re criticizing yourself and questioning whether you have what it takes to be a godly woman.
He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need. Today He is pursuing you with the gift of His perfect love — love that is patient and kind, love that keeps no record of your wrongs, love that won’t ever give up on you!
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Sometimes We Need More Than a Blog Post
Do you ever feel alone or unnoticed? Need a friend to walk with you and help you see how much you are loved, pursued and created for a purpose? If so, A Confident Heart may be just the book for you!
Looking for the perfect summer devotional? Each day my new A Confident Heart Devotional: 60 Days to Stop Doubting Yourself, offers a personal, powerful and practical way to live in the security of God’s promises right where you are!
A nice reminder that even if we were to reach perfection (which we can’t) people would still complain about something…just like they did with Jesus.
There are days . . . . and some of those days can turn into weeks. Oh, how a comment or bad experience can, and does consume my thoughts. Those ugly thoughts can grow into a feeling of despair. I just rehash the scenario over and over in my head. Forgetting the fact that God is right there waiting for me to talk to him. Waiting because he knows exactly what I am going through. He is the one constant in the equation~the one that is always there for me. Wish there was a way I could catch myself sooner. If I would simply learn to lean on Jesus a little more, I might just prevent myself from feeling so bad. Each new day is an opportunity for growth ~ glad I am learning to lean on Jesus a little more 🙂
Wonderful devotion today. Each day as I read P31 devotions I am reminded of the love GOD has for me .
The words from strong Christian women like yourself are the extra encouragement I need each day.
Thank you!
These were the exact words I needed to hear this morning. Feeling very alone and listening to all the doubtful, critical thoughts running rampantly through my mind. I so badly needed to be reminded of the One who truly loves me and will never leave me. Thank you!!
It’s crazy how those hurtful thoughts go in our minds and bounce around, always reminding us that we are less than what Christ made us to be. Guard your heart and release those thoughts & do not allow them to consume you. You do have a choice. I wil be praying for you, Debbie.
I believe this book would benefit my daughter and I. we both struggle with confidence and realizing that God loves us no matter what we have done.Sometimes I notice it is hard for my daughter to take in the good things people say about her, she is always leaning towards the negativity. I love reading your messages they help me daily. It always seems God knows what I need at that exact moment
After 29 years of striving to please God in my Christian life, He got me attention.
Shortly thereafter, my handful of close friends were gone, all too busy even for email communication. I fought at first, it hurts. They all had careers and went back to work. I am an older mom with young teens and no college Education. BUT, I believe my Father allowed this for the best reason. As I am going through a healing process from a traumatic life prior to Christ, He loves me so much He allowed them to go, so HE can be my one and only. I did not know what that looked like, and so he is showing me. It’s a journey that will take time, but I am now surrendered and welcome it, even when painful. I trust What He is doing in my life, even through the painful, lonely moments. Now I see He sends me to the strangers and acquaintances whenHe deems the time is right. I have to ask every day, what do You want me to do with this day. He always answers.
“Jesus was the only perfect Person to walk this earth… yet He was constantly criticized.” I love this!! Even if I was perfect I would still be criticized. It’s difficult not to care what others think but in light of this that just seems silly. Really struggling in my marriage right now…trying to lean into who God says I am.
I felt the same way when I read that line. Truth is, criticism is their problem, not yours. It doesn’t matter much what you do, there will always be some one to criticize.
I can relate to hearing ten good things and one criticism and only hearing the criticism. Often that criticism comes from my own thoughts or feelings about myself. I know I need to work on hearing God’s truth about who I am and who He is creating me to be. At times this process is so overwhelming I fear I’ve lost sight of Him or I struggle to hear Him through the noise of life and my head. But it is in spending moments with Him each morning that I am reminded that this is His plan not mine and He is guiding me and it will all be alright as long as I can refocus my eyes on Him.
Thank you so much, the devotion and blog was just what I needed today. I needed to be reminded that God not only always faithful, but he pursues me, loves me beyond measure, just as I am, this imperfect girl with all my faults and failures. He is all that I need. Blessings.
What a “timely” blessing from your devotional, Renee! I am feeling so worn out and discouraged on this journey when I walk by myself. Jesus IS with me to encourage and not to criticize.
Until reading your blog today, I had never thought about the Bible not having a single sentence about Jesus doubting himself. Your comment on Jesus depending solely on God’s approval also gave me pause for reflection. How often are our insecurities due to caring too much about other’s approval, instead of focusing on the only one who matters, God? This was a powerful thought and moment for me! I will truly look at things differently now. I am grateful for your words.
Having any kind of confidence is a struggle for me. One day I can be confident but the next a bunch of tears and anxious thoughts. After several failed relationships I thought…. I was sure I found “The one” he was a good GODLY Christian man, I was sure I “Just KNEW’ and then he kicked me to the curb…. I have spent several days going back and forth between faith and connfidence and sadness, rejection, and unworthiness… knowing based on where I have been and the things I have done means I am not worthy of a good and GODLY man… constantly doubting myself …..
Just exactly the devotion i needed today! My favourite story in the Bible is Jesus and the woman at the well.
I have really been struggling at work recently. My coworkers have left me feeling distant and unworthy. It is so difficult when I try and find my joy and worth from the world and forget there is a Father that has never left me and is waiting for me to run back to him. I am so thankful he forgives me for neglecting Him.
Usually I rest in knowing God’s love for me but there are occasions when the enemy whispers doubt in my ear – getting better at recognizing it & waging war against his schemes to take me out! Thank You, Jesus, that You love us with an everlasting love & Your mercies are new every morning! I’d love to win the devo pack! Loaned my copy of you book to my sister!
Checking out the book for myself and my mom. I struggle with this daily also but my mom is in a state of serious depression and it all stems from her past and not letting go and believing that because of her past she isn’t good enough and no one loves or cares for her and she feels very alone and won’t listen to anyone. I pray she will listen to God. I plan to print this and let her read it and get her the book!! Thank you for writing the words God gives you to help others. God is good. He gives us what we need when we need it.
It would help me so much to receive the help of your package deal Renee I would use it to help me..I struggle so much and I do know God and I can get through things together…butI don’t always let God help me. Sometimes I get scared. I also try to be a good listener, and talk with my friends. I am very good at encouraging friends..I wish I could let God help myself too.
I shall continue to work on things…I do know the Lord is awesome and I love the Lord.
I just seem to doubt sometimes.
As I just began staying at home full-time with my kids and leaving my career, I have felt overwhelmed with the change. Some days I question my ability to have patience and strength to guide and school my children. Thank you for the encouragement today.
I am really struggling with confidence and acceptance right now. I’m def going to check out your book. Thank you for all you do.
I’m always doubting myself. I’m going through a divorce and I am happy to have come across your Blog. As a mother of 5 boys I need to be confident in myself. Thank you Renee for this awesome book!
The gift you have bringing Gods word to us is a blessing. Tnsnk you for sharing your gift.
We all receive messages or have different perceptions at a young age; mine was that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t grow up in an abusive home nor was neglected with primary needs, but my family endured a lot of loss at a young age which caused some of my family to be absent when needed. I felt like no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough, that I had to be good enough not only for myself but for those that we lost. It is a struggle so many face and a struggle that is hard to re-wire in ourselves. I’m interested in your book to see how to gain a confident heart. Thank you for today’s devotion.
After three failed marriages, being a domestic violance survivor and raising three kids on my own. I struggle every day. I do my daily devotions and honestly having the lord in my life I am not so alone. I try to make good decisions every day and I work very hard putting the train back on the tracks. I really could use prayers and help.
Thank you for writing this amazing book! “Perfection” is a struggle for many and a personal one for myself. I hope this book is a blessing to many!
“He sees you. He notices all you do and He knows what you need.”
That was exactly the refreshing encouragement I needed this morning! I will be clinging to that reminder of God’s love and presence all day. Thank you!
Beckey
http://www.etsy.com/shop/queenbsbusywork
I woke up this morning after a restless night with a heavy heart. The caregiver for my parents had emailed me last night to say she was leaving after 4 months with us to care for her grandma who had brain cancer. My parents are both disabled and I’m single with no siblings caring for them. How did I find your blog? Through the Bible Gateway Encouragement article you wrote about the Samaritan woman. When you mentioned “endless projects, laundry and diapers” I found myself encouraged to believe that Jesus is taking the time to meet with me in these stressful lonely days, and this blog tells me I’m valuable in His sight even though I feel so ostracized and worthless at the office since I started working part-time. Thank you for reminding me that God is with us in our struggles and that He hasn’t left us …
Thank you!! I needed this today! You will never know how much!
I truly feel as though this devotional was speaking to me personally this morning. I have second guessed myself all of my life. Within the last two years i have struggled to remain confident in gods plan for me. I dove head first into faith by quitting a well paying job after having my first child and going back to nursing school. Because of my new found faith i was able to succeed and graduated last december! Although the whole time i struggled for confidence in myself. I took the nclex and failed the first time and will now be taking it again tomorrow (june 25th). Any prayers would be much appreciated. I have been studying for the past 6 weeks feeling so lonely and unsure of myself even though i have put the time into it. I could use some encouragement to get me through this exam in order for me to be used as a vessel of god to give back and touch as many people’s lifes in this career. God i ask today to provide me with the confidence to go foward with your plan for me!
You can do this Courtney! Praying for your success with the exam and with your nursing career. You should be very proud of yourself. This world needs more caring nurses. Thank you for choosing this challenging but rewarding path. Good luck and hugs!
I have always struggled to be perfect, perfect in my parents eyes, perfect in my mother’s eyes, perfect in my eyes. I’ve never quite grasped the ability to be perfect in Jesus eyes. I’m hopeful that one day, I’ll accept the fact that Jesus perfect love is enough. Thank-you for your blog, for your book, and for sharing yourself.
I have been reading your book A Condident Heart and I cannot begin to tell you the work God is doing in my life through the words in this book. It has spoken so strongly to some major needs in my life. I have faced some extremely tough times these past few months , then I woke up this morning dreading facing the day and trying to make good decisions as a christian mom. The words in your devotion today were like words spoken directly from Hod to quiet my soul. Thank you so much for those words that you shared.
Confidence in this world is a daily struggle, your blog reminds me not to look for approval from this world. I should keep my eyes, my heart and my mind in God’s word. Thank you for what you do. It is refreshing to find a positive, uplifting writer that keeps the focus on God.
I loved this blog today. I struggle with issues of confidence sometimes on a daily basis. Often it’s whether I’m the wife I should be. Yes after 24 years together, I sometimes doubt my worth as a wife. I struggle with weight issues and have just been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. It is so comforting to be reminded that I am not alone. I have a friend in Jesus who is with me every moment of every day. What a beautiful thing that is! Thank You for this devotion and the reminder that we don’t have to be perfect. As someone who has struggled with the perfection complex especially in school, it is so refreshing to just let go and Let God!!
It has taken me a lifetime to come to where I am today but it was worth the journey. One of the most important lessons I have learned in this earthly life is that we are NEVER alone. God is with us in times of happiness and joy and just as importantly, He is holding us when we are experiencing sorrow, disappointment, self-doubt, and emptiness. Once I realized this, I found the phrase “I am with you” or “you are not alone” jumping out at me in all directions. We need only to seek Him and then we will find that we are truly never ever alone. God bless.
Reading A Confident Heart has reminded me that God created me with a purpose in mind. Every moment I doubt myself I am turning away from the path that God has planned for me as a wife, mother, and teacher. I struggle daily to live up to the purpose of my life and having self-confidence has been my first step to being the strong, Godly woman that I am intended to be!!
Brittany,
Praising Him for all that He is doing in your life! It’s definitely a choice and a day by day journey. As a friend tells me all the time – Progress not perfection! Thanks for sharing and I often find myself reading and re-reading Chapter 12 of A Confident Heart when I find myself making the wrong choices.
Blessings,
Donna B
Renee Swope’s Ministry Team
People remind me of all the imperfections that I have. They remind me of all my failures and short comings. Its hard sometimes. But I am always reminded about how I have a perfect God that loves my flaws and everything about me. I love the verse”…..He will never leave you nor forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6. He will never abandon me whenever I feel alone. We have an awesome God who loves us so much, words can’t even describe it. I am totally grateful and humbled by the thought of it.
Love this blog post & the P31 devotion. Great reminders of the encouraging, ever present, sweet love of Jesus!
I so needed this reminder. Thank you. Lately, I have allowed my husband’s beliefs to separate me from Jesus. He is a perfectionist, does not apologize for it and is extremely hurtful in what he feels is justified criticism when things are not meeting his expectations. I am very sensitive and already have low self confidence so additional criticism certainly does not help. I do not like the small town we live in, have no friends nor a church family. I miss having someone to pray with. Thank you for listening.
“He sees you.” “He is there.” Wow, such powerful words I needed to hear right now. I am not perfect & I don’t have to be. In the midst of my imperfections, God is there for me & loves me. We cling to what we believe is the ideal perfect life-perfect marriage, perfect kids, etc. When we don’t live up to unrealistic expectations, we feel like we are a failure, we feel alone, & unloved. The only one who can make us feel whole is our Lord and Savior. He died for us so that we may live. We are never alone, he walks with us. We must turn to him as he is there for us in all that we do.
I have been struggling with self doubt and feelings of failure for about two years. I’m great at offering support and advice to others, but I just can’t seem to keep myself out of this failure pit in my mind.
Hi Anita,
I come across as a confident independent woman because, like you, I find it easy to offer support and comfort to others. Now when I am feeling down or unworthy, I look in the mirror and offer myself the same advice I give to others. Then I find three things in my life that I am truly blessed with. Raises my spirits every time. Also, I read that if we go into each day with the attitude that we are working for and with God, it changes everything and takes the focus off of ourselves and our self-doubt. God bless. Cynthia
Waking to this msg this morn was truely God’s presence coming along side me, when I sensed the sheer struggle of loneliness. Growing up in a family where I, the youngest, was invisable, was crushing. My parents dealt with my brother & sister’s major issues but as the outwardly opposite situation of Sam, I was the good girl, but lent itself to being of little to no consequence. I would always do “the right thing” like the older brother in the prodigal son, yet was set adrift at a young age, alone and aimless. These 50+ years later, I still have echos of those struggles….as like you, I’ll never live up to all my high expectations, yet knowing that Christ has gone through these years with me truely has brought me through w/the peace that really does pass all understanding. Thank you for your faithfulness to share His words with us. :7) Karen
Sitting here wondering if the pile of laundry that has accumulated during the school year while I have been teaching will EVER be conquered this summer, and feeling like a complete failure as I always do, doubting my ability to hear God’s direction as to whether I should keep up the madness year after year at the expense of my children… Yet knowing that if I don’t, bills may not get paid. Is this my responsibility, or will God step in and provide if I sit back and trust my husband to do what he should so that I can do my job as a wife and mom? My thoughts are absolutely swirling this morning as I look around me at all that has to be done that cannot possibly be accomplished in the space of a summer, while all I really want to do is be mommy for a change. I just want to cry. Thank you for your timely message this morning. I can only do what I can do with what I have been given, and I do know for sure my Father loves me. I just need to understand better the approval part and remember that His grace is sufficient, and that in our weaknesses, He is made strong.
Melanie,
Praying for you. Praying for God to direct your steps and praying for you to follow His steps. Praying for God to show you the way to be the wife, mom and all that HE has called and created you to be. I would also recommend that if you haven’t done Renee’s “7 Day Doubt Diet” that you register and work your way through the study. It’s a great start and an incredible free resource containing some of God’s promises to us to claim for ourselves.
I’m attaching the link below for your reference.
http://reneeswope.com/aconfidentheart/7-day-doubt-diet/
Blessings and prayers,
Donna
As a mom of grown kids, I have to continually release them to the Father and trust Him to apprehend their hearts. My job is to pray! I have to refuse to listen to the voice of the enemy. I did the best I could to raise a Godly seed. I need to keep my hope and faith in God that He remains faithful and His promises are sure!
Wow, thank you for this reminder of who and what our God came for…to love us and to forgive our imperfect beings. I have been called a perfectionist by many, I am ready to change that aspect of my life. I know I’m not perfect, then I need to stop trying to be. God loves me and will help me overcome this area of my life.
Thank you Lord for knowing just how I feel..No I’m not perfect .. and you know all about my pain
It is so hard to get out of the cycle of not being good enough. And sometimes the more you try to get out, the farther you fall. It helps to sometimes do one thing you are good at and remember that.
Yes. It. Does. Doing one thing we are good at and not trying to be good enough at so many things.Thank you for sharing your strategies with us!!
Thank you for the reminder that Jesus’ approval is the only one that we need. And that even in His perfection we are made acceptable and loved.
I think emotional pain is like physical pain. one unkind word and we remember it like it first happened. then we feel like well i deserved that pain. the devil starts whispering depression into to our ears. one thing i have found helpful is to remind myself who I am in Christ.
Amen. Who we are in Him is the solution to every problem. Our best defense to every attack! thank you for the clear reminder!
Struggling with confidence is a fight I battle daily. What a wonderful reminder as a natural people pleaser I have a beautiful example in Jesus Christ to follow. He only aimed to please His Father’s will. Thank you for speaking truth and equipping us for the daily battle of the mind. To God be the glory!
Observing the way Jesus lived, loved and especially the way He let others’ opinions roll off His back… really helps the people-pleaser in me find a better balance!
Praying Jesus will seal this truth in our hearts this week!
EVERY SINGLE DAY I am reminded that I am not perfect. I am my own biggest critic.
One thing that helps me though is the LUXURY of standing on God’s promises. For example, in those moments of doubts I repeat to myself: “you may not be perfect, but you were fearfully and wonderfully made… created in the image of God–it doesn’t get better than that”
“you have not because you ask not–ask God for help today in this area.”
These simple statements and a ton of others help me through my most self-induced critical moments.
Amen, amen and amen!! Let’s keep preaching those promises to our hearts!
Confidence is a daily struggle- it’s so easy to think about past hurts and believe I’m not good enough. I was told that I need to work on being more confidence and would love to read this to stop second guessing myself so much.
I read your book and enjoyed it so much. Yes, none of us will be perfect, but our Lord was and so
thankful for that. He is the same today, yesterday and forever. He does not change, but we can as
we rely on Him each day of our lives here on earth.
Thank you for your blog each day.
J. Peterson
You’re welcome!! Im glad you are here!