If only someone could have peeked into my heart. If only someone could have known what I needed and planted seeds of His unconditional love and truth in my heart as a girl …
From the heart of my friend and amazing author/ministry teammate, Lynn Cowell:
All summer she’s been so free; so confident. Days of pony tails and swimsuits, my daughter wakes up each day to her carefree world. No worries about her make-up; she doesn’t wear any! No concerns about her wardrobe; gym shorts fit most every occasion.
As the first day of school approached, I watched her fight to hang on to her confident summer-self. Not wanting to go backward, she has struggled to stand in God’s love and embrace who He has created her to be. It’s been a daily fight as she counted down the days.
Confidence is a major factor in young people when it comes to how they feel about themselves and profoundly affects the decisions they make. Craving acceptance, approval, and affirmation, they’re tempted to make choices that will move them forward on the popularity scale or at least not cause them to stand out. Uncomfortable, miserable even, they don’t know they were made for more than fitting in.
I have found a major key in building confidence in my daughters: teaching them that Jesus is wild about them.
Understanding Jesus is the one who fills the love gap in their hearts, empowers them to not grasp at love from guys and girls alike. Truth that Jesus was wild for them (Psalm 45:11), He sees no flaw in them (Song of Songs 4:7) and He actually enjoys them (Zephaniah 3:17) transforms the way they see themselves. But before that transformation can start, they have to know this truth and that begins with hearing it every day.
Lasting confidence only comes from one source: knowing who they are. Only a foundation built on unconditional love stands. Do you see a girl struggling with low self-image? Can you read in her eyes, “Won’t someone love me the way I am?”
She needs to know when Jesus looks at her, He is not disappointed in her. She needs to know that love from a guy, be it a dad or a boyfriend, can never fill the love gap in our hearts…but He can. This is the truth she needs every day to combat the lies the world tells her.
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ENTER TODAY’s GIVE-AWAY: What is one thing you would tell your 14-year old self or a teenage girl growing up today about God’s Love? Lynn and I would love to know. And she’s going to give one of you a signed copy of “Devotions for a Revolutionary Year,”. To enter to win, simply click on the word “comments” right below this post and type in the white box to share with us.
Do you want to help pour this truth into the young women in your life? On her website, Lynn is offering a FREE “Faith Builder” – seven devotions taken straight from her new book, “Devotions for a Revolutionary Year: 365 Days of Jesus’ Radical Love for You”. These devotions will build up the faith of the girl in your life, be it your daughter, niece and/or granddaughter so she can be filled with a confidence that is true and can stand the pressure of this world.
To celebrate the release of Devotions for a Revolutionary Year, Lynn is giving away over $75 in free contentwith each purchase! Simply purchase Devotions for a Revolutionary Year from September 4th – 11th and e-mail your receipt to [email protected]. You will receive in an email with a link to this free content on Lynn’s website at www.LynnCowell.com.
And the WINNER is…. Jennifer {announced September 19, 2012}
I also have a 14 yr old son, so I am glad I came across this, just awesome 🙂
I would tell my 14yr old self, to not listen to what others say, if the comment is negative and makes you feel bad then it is not from God and it is a lie. I would say, you are beautiful, full of life and will go far in this world. Goad has plans for you so don’t ever give up and keep moving forward and don’t look back. It is God who defines you, not man. Listen and follow God, not man. I have two teenage daughters, 13 and 16, and a 16 year old niece that I tell these things to all the time. Because I want them to be confident and grow up knowing who they are. I was beat down put down and everything in between, so I love looking out for the youth of today and women of today. I love this!!!!
GOD loves you so very very much, just the way you are ! He has great plans for you, look to him and he will provide all you need in his time. To my daughters, ages 25, 23, 17, and 16…..I believed in GOD when I was a teen, but now I have come to know him for the father who lifts me up in all circumstances, is always there for me and I who loves us more than we can ever imagine.
I would share that friends and family will always let you down at times but God and His love for you never changes. He created you exactly the way you are and loves you completely. There is nothing you could ever say or do that would make Him stop loving you. Recognize that He is for you and cheering you on. Go to Him daily and pour out your heart to Him. Trust Him with your deepest secrets and hurts, surrender to Him. He desires to make you whole, content and satisfied in Him. The Joy of the Lord is your strength! You will never regret making the decision to surrender your life to Him.
My 14-year old self had just moved to a new state and was missing her friends and feeling miserable. I would have told myself that God is watching out for me, and he knows that I can handle the challenges of meeting new people and starting new activities. Change is hard, but through God all things are possible. He loves me, he wants me to meet these people and learn from them. And the best way to live is to focus on being all I can be, to live as he intended, and in ways that would please him and honor him. Through that are the benefits for all mankind.
I would have told myself that God’s love is unchanging. He won’t love you any less if you make wrong choices and mistakes. You are His princess; He adores you!
I would have told myself about the Love of Jesus! At 14 I was so lost and alone I took live from any place u could find it !
I WOULD TELL THE 14-YEAR-OLD ME THAT GOD IS THE ONLY ONE I NEED TO PLEASE AND
THAT I CAN TRUST HIM TO PROVIDE OTHER PEOPLE WHO WILL APPRECIATE THE REAL ME
If you only knew how much I struggle with this and I’m 44. If I could go back and tell my 14 year old self anything….It would be that God Loves me no matter the hair, the skin, the clothes, the career..no matter what. thatYou are God’s previous jewel! Malachi 3:17
You have been set free from Satan’s control!
Col 1:13
You have been predestined to be like Jesus! Ephesians 1:11
You are kept from falling!
Jude 1:24
You are a candle in a dark place! Matthew 5:15
You have peace with God!
Romans 5:1
You have an anchor in your soul! Hebrews 6:19
You can do all things through Christ!! Philp 4:13
Taking one day at a time, being in the moment, living for today.
Oh if only someone had told me back then that Jesus was wild about me. Today i still stuggle with this truth. I would tell a 14 yr old everything that i didn’t hear that if i had and digested it would have changed my life
Wow! I can really relate to your post today and love reading all these comments. My heart breaks everytime I think back on bad choices and see kids today who are making the same mistakes.
If I could go back in time and tell my 14 year-old self anything, it would be that God created me for a purpose, He loves me just the way I am and I am perfect in His sight. No matter what any human says, thinks or does toward me, I was created in God’s image and in His perfect plan, He will fulfill His Glory in my life!
I didn’t hear these words of wisdom back then. I’m sure I had some wise adults telling me, but I was too worried about what the unwise teenagers were saying instead. It is only through lots of wrong choices, mistakes and heartbreak, that I have finally come to this realization. And this last year alone, God has been talking to me, leading me to use my experiences to reach out to today’s kids and let them know these truths.
Having two daughters and a son of my own now, 13, 11 and 8, and I work each day to help them realize they are special and God has a plan for them. And I’m looking forward to reading more from your emails and Lynn’s blog to help me help others!
Yeah Shond! I look forward to you joining us at http://www.LynnCowell.com – a community of moms raising wiser daughters!
So many people, of all ages, spend a great deal of time and energy placing importance on people and things in their lives that truly don’t matter. It’s easy to fall into that worldly way of thinking. It’s easy to create for themselves the constant battle with worry, with self doubt, and with the fear of not being accepted by others. Until they build a relationship with God, they’ll never grasp that concept. Building a true relationship with God is not a quick fix, however, it is a lifelong relationship designed to grow you closer to Him by knowing His word, by praising Him, and by praying. It is through this relationship that one comes to realize their true worth and their true value, what is truly important, and how to truly be happy.
Until you build a relationship with God, you’ll never realize all of the great opportunities you have been missing! You may never experience the joy and the fulfillment you can get just by speaking a kind word to someone who so desperately needs it that day. How something as simple as a smile can brighten another’s day. You may never realize how valuable just a little bit of your time truly is to another. When you live by His word, there is no room for worry, for self doubt, or for measuring your self worth in another’s eyes. When you live by His word, you begin to see yourself through His eyes and finally recognize how precious, how valuable, and how loved you truly are!
I just want to say thank you for your book. I struggle with selfworth everyday, I was rejected at birth from day one from my mother. I have made it a point to instill in my daughter not only is she the apple of my eye, but of God’s eye as well. I do the best I can to make sure she feels worthy and love, unlike me who feels unworthy and unloveable due to the rejection from my parents. The reason for my thank you is the little bit you have shared with us has given me a bit of hope, that I can be worthy and lovealbe. Thank you and God Bless.
Lydia, I hope that “Devotions for a Revolutionary Year” and “His Revolutionary Love” can be tools you can use to teach your girl that she is worthy and lovable! If you choose to get “His Revolutionary Love”, there is a free leadership guide on my website at http://www.LynnCowell.com. Just click on “freebies”! There is a sample chapter as well under the tab “books”.
I would tell my 14 year old self that God loves you no matter what! To look to Him for guidance and direction, to pray about EVERYTHING!
That assessing my self-worth by my friends is fleeting. God is the only one we can establish worth in. Friends come and go. God remains.
I would tell my 14 year old self that God created me and that He was pleased with what He created. How can I not be satisfied with His creation. His opinion of me is the only one that matters.
Karen C
All young girls nees to know that they are beautiful and loved for know other reason than God chose them as His own. In reading what you have written, Renee, it has slammed me right in the heart that at 51 I am struggling with the same thing. I know all the right words and I know what is truth, but after having my husband walk out on nearly 30 years of marriage, I am realizing I looked to him for much more than I should have. Now I struggle just to know who I am. I thank God for my youngest daughter who has Down Syndrome. She knows nothing but love and reminds me daily that God has to be where my everything comes from.
Ronda, you are so right! All girls, no matter what the age, need to have Jesus fill the love gaps in our hearts. The earlier we can learn, the better!
Oh I have been teaching bible studies to junior high students, 9-14 and self esteem and self confidence is something I wish to infuse in them especially the girls… It’s so easy to believe the lies that we are not good enough, not pretty enough… but to see ourselves as GOD sees us… makes the difference….
Thank you, thank you, thank you Jules for pouring truth into these precious young hearts!
I think I would tell her that God has an amazing man that he has set aside just for you! Wait for him!! Don’t try to rush relationships and do things on your own. God hasn’t forgotten you. Use the time before you find that someone that God has for you to grow closer to God, and to pray for that someone. God knows the person that will always think you are the most beautiful girl in the world, and will cherish and adore you. Wait for him!
I would tell my 14-year-old self that a boyfriend is NOT important! That God’s love is the love I should want and hold onto!
I should be confident in myself and the plans God has for me and NOT the plans everyone around me sees fit!
Be Unique! Be Me! Be God’s!
I have 3 girls (23,11,9) and my son who is 16. as a new Christian I never explained what God’s love was because I didn’t know it myself but my oldest daughter who became Christian before I did taught me about being a Christian. With all the struggles I’ve faced and my children have seen I’ve come to rely on God for his strength. Now that I know about the love Jesus gives us, I’m teaching my 2 baby girls what it means to have a relationship with God, we pray every morning on the way to school which is something I would’ve never done before. I teach them what I’m learning and to me that’s what’s important right now that they grow up knowing Jesus so that they don’t have to go through struggles not knowing our savior who is right there with us all the time, We praise him through the good and bad times because he deserves our praise.
Rosalinda…what a beautiful thing you are beginning with your baby girls!
Funny that 14 is the cut off. My daughter is 14 and I struggle to be sure that I parent her adequately, while not quashing the spirit I see Jesus placing in her.
If I had to tell my 14 year old self anything it would be this: “You don’t need to get straight A’s, they will love you no matter what. You don’t need to break the rules to be cool…look for other people that love you for who you are. And finally, you don’t need a boyfriend to complete a status quo or make you important and you certainly don’t need to allow him to touch you or push you to do things that you aren’t comfortable with. If a boy truly loves you, he will wait.”
Gosh…I wish someone had told me.
Thank you Lord that Amy is there for her girl!
I have told my granddaughter that God loves her no matter what. No matter what she might do in her life that might be disappointing, God still loves her unconditionally and so do I. He is ALWAYS there whenever you need Him.
God loves you exactly the way you are. He made you beautiful, special and unique!
I would say: There is none as faithful and true, who will stand by you- uphold you, cherish you and allow you to bloom into the beautiful girl and woman you will be-because He loves you with an everlasting love…that never fails, or grows weary. And He will carry you forever in His heart, joyfully, proudly, graciously. To the glory of God the Father.
I would tell her that God’s love is truly unconditional and that there is nothing she can ever do to make him love her anymore or any less than he already does.. i would also tell her that God’s love is safe.. its real and its full of promises that Can be kept!!! she can read his word and believe what it says.. no matter what is going on in her life or has been done to her in she can always come back to her heavenly daddy who loves her more than any man will ever love her!
You are not alone in feeling alone. You are not the only one feeling or thinking that you are not “as” — not as thin as you should be, not as cute as the other girls, not as talented as the rest of the team, or not as popular as those girls. Ask Jesus to focus you on what you are…HIS! And ask Jesus to show you other girls who need what He has given you…love and acceptance just for you as you are right now.
Keep walking with Jesus. Even when it seems you are the only one. He will not fail you. Commit your way to Him!
I would start even before 14. My seven year old daughter already is too much a follower and cares what others think. I need to start now to remind her of all she is in His eyes, to live in this world but not of it.
You are so right, Tracy! The earlier the better!
I would tell my 14 year old daughter:
Your are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made in GOD’S image! That is God’s Word and His Word is True! Walk in that TRUTH!!! Do not conform to the examples of this world that tell you that you have to dress a certain way, look a certain way, or do certain things for acceptance. God created you exactly how he wanted you. You are a chosen person, a royal priesthood, a holy nation belonging to God. You are the head and not the tail and you are MORE that a Conqueror! You are a light in this dark world! Shine Bright my beautiful daughter and let the world know you are a daughter of the Most High, a daughter of the King!
I would tell her that no earthly man can ever fill every need in your heart. That the longing she has is only going to come from Jeus. Men and boys are human. They will disappoint and never be able to live up to the expectations we think they should. But Jesus, our precious Lord and Savior…He’s the healer, the provider, the companion that will always be there. He will be there in the good times and the bad times. He will whisper sweet confirmations that you are His always and forever!
I would tell her that unconditional love can only come from Him. People, places, things will disappoint or last for a fleeting second but He will remain. You are a masterpiece in His eyes and He is actively seeking a relationship with you. Look for all the gestures He sends you whether it is a beautiful sunrise, rainbow during a storm , or a wonderful sight of wildlife for you to enjoy! He will continue to send these love signs far longer than a person can and He will never disappoint you! You will find Him when you seek Him!
I have a 14-year-old daughter… and while we’ve had these conversations, I want to continue to tell/remind her that God’s love is unconditional and that her identity is in Christ. Her beauty shines from within – her love for Jesus will (and does) make her beautiful beyond compare. Her dad and I will mess things up as we attempt to do life together as a family because we are imperfect… God never makes mistakes and will never leave her nor forsake her!!
To my own 14-year-old self… I would say the same things – and remind her that her Heavenly Father is not a reflection of her earthly father… there are no conditions or lists to live up to in order to be loved as a child of the King.
Sometimes our daughters don’t seem to get it, but we need to keep putting it in! God’s word will not return void…it will grow!
I would tell her that just as we don’t appreciate the beauty in every design or work of art made by an artist, we also don’t always appreciate the way God made us. We look around and decide what beauty is in our eyes and wish that God had made us that way. But God loves us just the way He made us, so-called flaws and all, and His design is perfect in His eyes. Our part is to pray and ask God to help us to see ourselves through His eyes.
This is for my younger sister who is actually 24. She needs to understand God’s love…..
You will never know how deep and wide His love is for you. When your boyfriend lets you down God is rightbehind you picking up the pieces of your broken heart. He hands them to you whole again and says please let my love fill you and not that man that causes pain. He says allow me to consume your every thought. Not the man that keeps breaking you down. GOD says my love is forever, please, see me for the loving God I am. I would tell her that God has someone special for her that will not try to change her. That will love her for who she is and not only her outter beauty but also her inner beauty. I would say the manipulation you have gone through are not what God wants for you. I would tell her to turn around and embrace the Lord and His presence. I would say allow the Lord to love and show you love the way He intends.
My 7th grade daughter and the girls in the youth ministry where I lead struggle with this all the time. I try to impart to them that the love of their Father is so high, so wide, so deep and so perfect that they don’t need to look beyond His face to find true acceptance. His love is perfect and trustworthy. We all need to know (not just young girls) that the Lord’s love gives us freedom….to be who we are in Him, not in the world. Let the world worry about all the wrong things while you remain on your knees, in His word,listening for His voice and His plan for your precious life. Your identity is to be the daughter, the princess, the cherished one of the Risen King.
Thank you Kat for investing in young girls! They need you 🙂
It’s funny that you would ask this question because my really close friend just asked me the same exact question. If I could talk to my 14 year old self, I would tell her to figure out how to love yourself and do not believe what others or the world say about you. God loves you unconditionally and you can survive, literally, on His love. Love yourself first and then you’ll be able to truly love others, parents, siblings, friends, significant others, etc. and you will be able to be the woman that God has called you to be sooner, than later in life.
Dear 14 year old self,
It doesn’t matter what they think. You were made to be different, there is only one of you and you were made to just be you. Don’t spend any time wasted thinking you are not normal or like the rest so something must be wrong with you. Your uniqueness is a gift from God, accept it.
I love that! My pastor Steven Furtick says, “You’re weird! Get used to it!”
LOL!! I wish it wouldn’t have taken me into my 30’s to accept this, I could have just been being my “weird” self and being happy about it alot sooner!!! I am hoping I am doing a good job of helping my 11 year old daughter to accept it at a younger age than I did 🙂
How appropriate. I have a 14 year old daughter! So I would tell my 14 year old self to be confident in who God has created me to be. A beautiful child of His. A confident girl who will speaks boldly to other girls her age about how wonderfully and spiritually made I am and that living confidently for Him, we can conquer all obstacles we will encounter. I would encourage my 14 year old self to be open with my mother when I am struggling and search for answers Biblically that support our morals and thoughts, so that we don’t fall short in this society with all the peer pressures of how and what girls should look and act. When we live for Him and with Him daily the outward shining of His radiance will fall fresh on those we encounter, even if only words of encouragement or acknowledgement
I would tell her she’s beautiful, just as she is. But that WAAAYYY more important is the fact that she’s beautiful on the inside. A beautiful, beloved daughter of God.
If I could go back and give my 14 year old self any advice it would be that love is pure. I don’t have to do the things my peers around me say are cool. I don’t have to give in to the things of this world. It’s not what makes me who I am. I shouldn’t be ashamed to say no when in my heart I know it’s wrong. God is the only way to happiness and true self confidence. Be who you are called to be by your heavenly Father, not by the boy who sits next to you and tells you what you think you want to hear. You are a true princess and perfect to Him.
God’s love in not conditional. He made you exactly the way He wanted and you should stand confidently in this knowledge. Others may criticize, but the Creator knows His materpiece and loves it!
That will preach!
I would tell her that God loves her so much…that he sent Jesus to die for her…and he wants the best for her..he wants to see her rejoice in him..and live her life for him!
If I could go back and talk heart-to-heart with my 14 year old self it would be to tell her it’s not about getting through high school fast and as unseen and unnoticed as possible. Alone is NOT the goal!
It’s about realizing these four years are setting a foundation for the rest of your life. Don’t disconnect from God and do the next 15 years without Him. Life is hard now, but it is gonna get a lot harder. You NEED Him.
Make GOOD friendships that last. I managed to come out with one that I am still friends with and we are still lifting each other up, but what could life have been if I had 5 such friends? 10? You will NEED those shoulders to cry on, arms to hold you up and smiles to lift you up. Making true friends as an adult is a lot harder than you can imagine.
Finally, never, ever stop reading your Bible and talking to God. Even when you are mad. Even when you feel like He isn’t listening or isn’t there. Even when the world tells you to find you own power and make your own way. The best way to feel alone is to try and keep God from talking to you. But the best way to feel loved and accepted and wanted is to open your heart to God’s truth about YOU. A whole book written to YOU from a God who took on the world just for….you.
There is a reason that I call Jesus my warrior. He goes before me to fight for me. Every step. I am NEVER alone. Huh. I needed to write this to see the truth once again for myself. At 36 I still need to remember and believe these things as much as I did when I was 16.
That is some wonderful truth, friend! Is there a girl in your world that you can pass all this wisdom on to?
I would tell her that everything will be okay and to put your trust in God, that through him, all things are possible. Don’t spend your time trying to please others, focus on pleasing God. Seek a relationship with the Lord, be grateful for His many blessings and know that you are loved beyond measure, that you are precious in His sight. Make it known to others that you are a follower of Christ. Make decisions based on what would be pleasing to the Lord and stand up for what you believe even though others may challenge you.
When I was 14, I heard all of this from family, church friends but it didn’t sink in at the time. But now that I am approaching 40, it’s like going back to my roots. I had my wild, fun years but I find comfort in the things I was taught early on and now I am in a position to offer advice and support to my daughters based on my own life experiences. It’s like completing the circle.
That is so true! Let’s put that same truth in our girls’ hearts!
I would tell a 14 year old girl that in order to be loved by a man, you first have to understand love and that in order to understand love, you have to know God. Until you know who you are in Him and understand what it truly means to be loved, you won’t understand what love should be. So many young people search for “love” in so many faces and bodies because they are trying to fill the empty gap that only God can fill, but they don’t realize this. It is a hard concept for young people to grasp.
I would tell her to stop searching for someone to love you as your earthly Father should have. Your heavenly Father loves you beyond all reason! It’s ok to be different, because God made you to be you and no one else. Stop trying to be someone else, you are one of a kind. You. Are. Beautiful!!! and He is proud of you!
I would tell a 14 year old me that God loves me and thinks I am beautiful. I would tell myself that the MOST important thing in life is to love God with all of your heart and to follow Him no matter what.
I would tell her God is not your earthly father… He is everything your earthly father was supposed to be… in every way your biodad is flawed your heavenlyDad is perfect and He will never never never never leave you or forsake you and every way your earthly dad tries to put you down and make you feel shamed and oddly your heavenly Dad thinks your beauty is beyond compare
Sorry I’m on my phone… I don’t know where “oddly” came from
We need to know that don’t we?
This is beautiful! and so true. We (meaning I) need to stop comparing our earthly father to the heavenly father… there is no one like Him!
I would tell her the most important truth she could ever know is how much God loves her…because everything else flows out of that knowing…that truth. Once you know you are loved…you can accept more readily who you are…how He made you…embrace the difference…your strengths but most importantly your weakness…everyone has them…but God does not make mistakes…He cherishes you no matter your intelligence, your athleticism, you art and music ability…He created you with only love in His heart…your life brings Him pleasure…so give Him the joy of seeing you enjoy…celebrate who He created you to be~
Beautiful!
Know that God has a wonderful plan for your life. It is better than we could
dream of. We can find this path by dilligently seeking him in all that
we do.