Top

Renee Swope

Encouraging and equipping moms to parent with God's grace and confidence.

How to Grow a Girl with Confidence

Photo Source

If only someone could have peeked into my heart.  If only someone could have known what I needed and planted seeds of His unconditional love and truth in my heart as a girl …

From the heart of my friend and amazing author/ministry teammate, Lynn Cowell:

All summer she’s been so free; so confident. Days of pony tails and swimsuits, my daughter wakes up each day to her carefree world. No worries about her make-up; she doesn’t wear any! No concerns about her wardrobe; gym shorts fit most every occasion.

As the first day of school approached, I watched her fight to hang on to her confident summer-self. Not wanting to go backward, she has struggled to stand in God’s love and embrace who He has created her to be. It’s been a daily fight as she counted down the days.

Confidence is a major factor in young people when it comes to how they feel about themselves and profoundly affects the decisions they make. Craving acceptance, approval, and affirmation, they’re tempted to make choices that will move them forward on the popularity scale or at least not cause them to stand out. Uncomfortable, miserable even, they don’t know they were made for more than fitting in.

I have found a major key in building confidence in my daughters: teaching them that Jesus is wild about them.

Understanding Jesus is the one who fills the love gap in their hearts, empowers them to not grasp at love from guys and girls alike. Truth that Jesus was wild for them (Psalm 45:11), He sees no flaw in them (Song of Songs 4:7) and He actually enjoys them (Zephaniah 3:17) transforms the way they see themselves. But before that transformation can start, they have to know this truth and that begins with hearing it every day.

Lasting confidence only comes from one source: knowing who they are. Only a foundation built on unconditional love stands. Do you see a girl struggling with low self-image? Can you read in her eyes, “Won’t someone love me the way I am?”

She needs to know when Jesus looks at her, He is not disappointed in her. She needs to know that love from a guy, be it a dad or a boyfriend, can never fill the love gap in our hearts…but He can. This is the truth she needs every day to combat the lies the world tells her.

________________

 ENTER TODAY’s GIVE-AWAY: What  is one thing you would tell your 14-year old self or a teenage girl growing up today about God’s Love? Lynn and I would love to know. And she’s going to give one of you a signed copy of “Devotions for a Revolutionary Year,”. To enter to win, simply click on the word “comments” right below this post and type in the white box to share with us.

Do you want to help pour this truth into the young women in your life? On her website, Lynn is offering a FREE “Faith Builder” –  seven devotions taken straight from her new book, “Devotions for a Revolutionary Year: 365 Days of Jesus’ Radical Love for You”. These devotions will build up the faith of the girl in your life, be it your daughter, niece and/or granddaughter so she can be filled with a confidence that is true and can stand the pressure of this world.

To celebrate the release of Devotions for a Revolutionary Year, Lynn is giving away over $75 in free contentwith each purchase! Simply purchase Devotions for a Revolutionary Year from September 4th – 11th and e-mail your receipt to [email protected]. You will receive in an email with a link to this free content on Lynn’s website at www.LynnCowell.com.

 

 

 

 And the WINNER is…. Jennifer {announced September 19, 2012} 

Discover more from Renee Swope

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Comments

  1. I would tell her that no earthly man can ever fill every need in your heart. That the longing she has is only going to come from Jeus. Men and boys are human. They will disappoint and never be able to live up to the expectations we think they should. But Jesus, our precious Lord and Savior…He’s the healer, the provider, the companion that will always be there. He will be there in the good times and the bad times. He will whisper sweet confirmations that you are His always and forever!

  2. I would tell her that unconditional love can only come from Him. People, places, things will disappoint or last for a fleeting second but He will remain. You are a masterpiece in His eyes and He is actively seeking a relationship with you. Look for all the gestures He sends you whether it is a beautiful sunrise, rainbow during a storm , or a wonderful sight of wildlife for you to enjoy! He will continue to send these love signs far longer than a person can and He will never disappoint you! You will find Him when you seek Him!

  3. I have a 14-year-old daughter… and while we’ve had these conversations, I want to continue to tell/remind her that God’s love is unconditional and that her identity is in Christ. Her beauty shines from within – her love for Jesus will (and does) make her beautiful beyond compare. Her dad and I will mess things up as we attempt to do life together as a family because we are imperfect… God never makes mistakes and will never leave her nor forsake her!!

    To my own 14-year-old self… I would say the same things – and remind her that her Heavenly Father is not a reflection of her earthly father… there are no conditions or lists to live up to in order to be loved as a child of the King.

  4. I would tell her that just as we don’t appreciate the beauty in every design or work of art made by an artist, we also don’t always appreciate the way God made us. We look around and decide what beauty is in our eyes and wish that God had made us that way. But God loves us just the way He made us, so-called flaws and all, and His design is perfect in His eyes. Our part is to pray and ask God to help us to see ourselves through His eyes.

  5. This is for my younger sister who is actually 24. She needs to understand God’s love…..

    You will never know how deep and wide His love is for you. When your boyfriend lets you down God is rightbehind you picking up the pieces of your broken heart. He hands them to you whole again and says please let my love fill you and not that man that causes pain. He says allow me to consume your every thought. Not the man that keeps breaking you down. GOD says my love is forever, please, see me for the loving God I am. I would tell her that God has someone special for her that will not try to change her. That will love her for who she is and not only her outter beauty but also her inner beauty. I would say the manipulation you have gone through are not what God wants for you. I would tell her to turn around and embrace the Lord and His presence. I would say allow the Lord to love and show you love the way He intends.

  6. My 7th grade daughter and the girls in the youth ministry where I lead struggle with this all the time. I try to impart to them that the love of their Father is so high, so wide, so deep and so perfect that they don’t need to look beyond His face to find true acceptance. His love is perfect and trustworthy. We all need to know (not just young girls) that the Lord’s love gives us freedom….to be who we are in Him, not in the world. Let the world worry about all the wrong things while you remain on your knees, in His word,listening for His voice and His plan for your precious life. Your identity is to be the daughter, the princess, the cherished one of the Risen King.

  7. It’s funny that you would ask this question because my really close friend just asked me the same exact question. If I could talk to my 14 year old self, I would tell her to figure out how to love yourself and do not believe what others or the world say about you. God loves you unconditionally and you can survive, literally, on His love. Love yourself first and then you’ll be able to truly love others, parents, siblings, friends, significant others, etc. and you will be able to be the woman that God has called you to be sooner, than later in life.

  8. Dear 14 year old self,

    It doesn’t matter what they think. You were made to be different, there is only one of you and you were made to just be you. Don’t spend any time wasted thinking you are not normal or like the rest so something must be wrong with you. Your uniqueness is a gift from God, accept it.

      • LOL!! I wish it wouldn’t have taken me into my 30’s to accept this, I could have just been being my “weird” self and being happy about it alot sooner!!! I am hoping I am doing a good job of helping my 11 year old daughter to accept it at a younger age than I did 🙂

  9. How appropriate. I have a 14 year old daughter! So I would tell my 14 year old self to be confident in who God has created me to be. A beautiful child of His. A confident girl who will speaks boldly to other girls her age about how wonderfully and spiritually made I am and that living confidently for Him, we can conquer all obstacles we will encounter. I would encourage my 14 year old self to be open with my mother when I am struggling and search for answers Biblically that support our morals and thoughts, so that we don’t fall short in this society with all the peer pressures of how and what girls should look and act. When we live for Him and with Him daily the outward shining of His radiance will fall fresh on those we encounter, even if only words of encouragement or acknowledgement

  10. I would tell her she’s beautiful, just as she is. But that WAAAYYY more important is the fact that she’s beautiful on the inside. A beautiful, beloved daughter of God.

  11. If I could go back and give my 14 year old self any advice it would be that love is pure. I don’t have to do the things my peers around me say are cool. I don’t have to give in to the things of this world. It’s not what makes me who I am. I shouldn’t be ashamed to say no when in my heart I know it’s wrong. God is the only way to happiness and true self confidence. Be who you are called to be by your heavenly Father, not by the boy who sits next to you and tells you what you think you want to hear. You are a true princess and perfect to Him.

  12. God’s love in not conditional. He made you exactly the way He wanted and you should stand confidently in this knowledge. Others may criticize, but the Creator knows His materpiece and loves it!

  13. I would tell her that God loves her so much…that he sent Jesus to die for her…and he wants the best for her..he wants to see her rejoice in him..and live her life for him!

  14. If I could go back and talk heart-to-heart with my 14 year old self it would be to tell her it’s not about getting through high school fast and as unseen and unnoticed as possible. Alone is NOT the goal!

    It’s about realizing these four years are setting a foundation for the rest of your life. Don’t disconnect from God and do the next 15 years without Him. Life is hard now, but it is gonna get a lot harder. You NEED Him.

    Make GOOD friendships that last. I managed to come out with one that I am still friends with and we are still lifting each other up, but what could life have been if I had 5 such friends? 10? You will NEED those shoulders to cry on, arms to hold you up and smiles to lift you up. Making true friends as an adult is a lot harder than you can imagine.

    Finally, never, ever stop reading your Bible and talking to God. Even when you are mad. Even when you feel like He isn’t listening or isn’t there. Even when the world tells you to find you own power and make your own way. The best way to feel alone is to try and keep God from talking to you. But the best way to feel loved and accepted and wanted is to open your heart to God’s truth about YOU. A whole book written to YOU from a God who took on the world just for….you.

    There is a reason that I call Jesus my warrior. He goes before me to fight for me. Every step. I am NEVER alone. Huh. I needed to write this to see the truth once again for myself. At 36 I still need to remember and believe these things as much as I did when I was 16.

  15. I would tell her that everything will be okay and to put your trust in God, that through him, all things are possible. Don’t spend your time trying to please others, focus on pleasing God. Seek a relationship with the Lord, be grateful for His many blessings and know that you are loved beyond measure, that you are precious in His sight. Make it known to others that you are a follower of Christ. Make decisions based on what would be pleasing to the Lord and stand up for what you believe even though others may challenge you.

    When I was 14, I heard all of this from family, church friends but it didn’t sink in at the time. But now that I am approaching 40, it’s like going back to my roots. I had my wild, fun years but I find comfort in the things I was taught early on and now I am in a position to offer advice and support to my daughters based on my own life experiences. It’s like completing the circle.

  16. I would tell a 14 year old girl that in order to be loved by a man, you first have to understand love and that in order to understand love, you have to know God. Until you know who you are in Him and understand what it truly means to be loved, you won’t understand what love should be. So many young people search for “love” in so many faces and bodies because they are trying to fill the empty gap that only God can fill, but they don’t realize this. It is a hard concept for young people to grasp.

  17. I would tell her to stop searching for someone to love you as your earthly Father should have. Your heavenly Father loves you beyond all reason! It’s ok to be different, because God made you to be you and no one else. Stop trying to be someone else, you are one of a kind. You. Are. Beautiful!!! and He is proud of you!

  18. I would tell a 14 year old me that God loves me and thinks I am beautiful. I would tell myself that the MOST important thing in life is to love God with all of your heart and to follow Him no matter what.

  19. I would tell her God is not your earthly father… He is everything your earthly father was supposed to be… in every way your biodad is flawed your heavenlyDad is perfect and He will never never never never leave you or forsake you and every way your earthly dad tries to put you down and make you feel shamed and oddly your heavenly Dad thinks your beauty is beyond compare

  20. I would tell her the most important truth she could ever know is how much God loves her…because everything else flows out of that knowing…that truth. Once you know you are loved…you can accept more readily who you are…how He made you…embrace the difference…your strengths but most importantly your weakness…everyone has them…but God does not make mistakes…He cherishes you no matter your intelligence, your athleticism, you art and music ability…He created you with only love in His heart…your life brings Him pleasure…so give Him the joy of seeing you enjoy…celebrate who He created you to be~