Our family is in New York this week on vacation. We flew into NYC last Thursday night and rented a car Friday to drive to Lake Placid for the marathon JJ ran yesterday. We have never been to this area and it’s beautiful!!!
Today we’re relaxing and enjoying time together in the mountains while JJ’s legs recuperate. We had breakfast at little cafe down the road called Chair 6. We plan to go walking on a nature trail around Lake Placid this afternoon, and then rent some kayaks to row around Mirror Lake. I LOVE being with my three guys. We have laughed so much!!
Today is also the day we should hear back from the Dr. in Ethiopia about come information we wanted as we prayerfully decide about the adoption referral we got last week. I have to be honest, I am nervous (and sometimes downright overwhelmed) by the thought of being a mommy of an infant again. I want to be Godly and selfless but I’m not always in that place. This is such a huge change from a 4-6 yr old. But GOD!!!
I know this could be the very plan God has to bring our family that much closer together. This baby girl could be the very one we’ve been praying and waiting for. But I’d be lying if I wasn’t real with you about my fears.
Please pray for me. I need it. This is so different than the direction of adopting an older child we thought God was leading us for so long. One day I’m good. The next day I’m not so good when I insert a baby into the scenery of what we’re doing at that moment. I’ll see a baby crying and an exhausted mommy looking at her husband like she wants to run away and it just scares me.
The next minute I think of so many good things about a baby, and how much easier it may be for her to adjust emotionally and mentally. I remember the coos and the smiles and the joy a baby brings. I think about how our boys have never had a baby in their lives and how precious it could be.
Five minutes later I think about me being at home with a baby all day. I was kinda lonely when my boys were babies and my life revolved around nap times. I wonder what life will look like when I’ve had little sleep. And what about my job at P31? And the speaking ministry God called me to?
We have not sensed God telling us to cut back each time we prayed about upcoming events in 2009 and 2010. JJ’s says he wants to keep doing what we’re doing. Then I also remember how God has confirm again and again that it was time for me to write a book. I just completed the proposal. I wouldn’t have done that if I knew a baby was coming.
But GOD!!!
So what do you do when you can’t understand God’s plans or you’re not sure if they are His?
I cry. I talk to my husband. I call a friend. I journal my heart and my thoughts. I read my Bible and tell God I need help and hope. Yesterday a verse jumped out at me that reminds me of God being my help and my refuge.
I also remember the ways God came through last week when life turned upside down with the news of a baby girl possibly coming into our lives. I”ll share more about that tomorrow. Today, I just need to know that I know that I know if this is the daughter God has planned all along for our family. Because if it is, then every thing is going to be okay.
How will I know… if my hesitancy God’s way of leading us to say no…or it’s selfish yet normal fear…or if it’s the enemy trying to get me to miss God’s best? I’ll let you know when I find out.
In the meantime, I sure would treasure your thoughts on how you know, and your prayers as I muddle and pray through my own finding out.
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Renee, I wish I had read this sooner, but I know the Lord has already given you direction and I'm so excited for you. I will pray that the Lord will continue to confirm His will and way for you. May His peace be the assurance you need.
Hugs,
Joy
Correction!!… the song is "Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. (oops)
It's awesome and hope it ministers to you.
Renee, may He continue to bless you and confirm in your heart what blessings He has waiting for you.
When I've been in similar situations the only thing I've found to do is to keep moving forward, one step at a time, praying that God will open or close the appropriate doors as necessary. There are times when I've had to be really specific and ask God to close a particular door if I wasn't meant to go through it because I wasn't sure I had it in me to choose NOT to do it on my own.
I will be praying with you that God makes His will so clear that you won't have any doubts at all–whatever the outcome.
Mary Hampton
Hey Renee – So proud of you for following Him…regardless. Your decision has impacted me in many ways. Looking forward to watching how He will continue to do a good work in your life…
love you-
holly
Oh Renee – How evident it is to me that you want to please your Father above all but at the same time have the questions, struggles and concern that each of us bring to the altar. You are so real, so transparent. Thank you for trusting us with your heart!
Father God, How we love you and want to serve you with our whole selves. We know you have a perfect plan for our sister servant. We acknowledge that you, who started such a good work in Renee will be faithful to complete it. You put the dreams in her heart, and we know Lord you are going to do a wonderful work. Show her your way Lord. Direct her paths as she places her trust in you. Encourage her spirit. In the name of Jesus, put a hedge of protection around her thoughts. We thank you for your work and for the incredible priviledge of serving You. In Jesus' Name!
Praying for you Renee. I know God will let you know what He wants you to do. And I'm pretty sure you won't miss it. You're tuned into His frequency and listening. You'll hear when He's ready to speak His plans. Meantime, just keep doing what He's already called you to do.