“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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I also am a breast cancer survivor for almost 12 years. I feel God’s calling to write of that and other things that have happened in my life. Michele, your writing is so beautiful and I hope that I can write as you do to inspire other women to trust in God’s goodness and mercy. I am praying for you now.
Holy cow!!! Right after I type this I am sending it to a great friend today. She is right smack dab in the middle of wondering if her ovarian cancer is back. She is having those similar symptoms as before. We talked about it today and she has a fear but she is on the brink of being ok too. I am going to browse your artwork because I believe she needs it as a reminder! Thanks and prayers for you.
Praying for you, Michele, for peace & healing, and that this will be worked out for good. We lost my grandmother to brain cancer almost 4 years ago, less than 4 months from her diagnosis. It was a shock to lose her, and so difficult to watch her suffer, especially the last few weeks, as she was in such good health before. We are still struggling with the whys, but are finally at a spot in our lives where we have found peace with it being God’s will, part of his plan, and that every person on this earth has a purpose, in life & in death. We may not know it yet, but we know He does & that is good enough for us. Romans 8:28 has become our family motto as we’ve death with all the fallout from her death, and all the struggles our family has gone through the last few years. We would feel so blessed to win this as its really something we couldn’t afford, but would love to have in our home to remid us that God will work out everything we’re going through for good, just in his time, not ours. God bless!
Prayers for a God to surround you in His love, and fill you with His peace.
I am walking though something that I have been STUCK IN FOR YEARS. Why me? Why can’t God just remove the struggle and idol of food from me? Well. It must be because He has OTHER PLANS that will WORK OUT FOR HIS GOOD AND HIS GLORY. Instead of removing the trial, He will walk me (and you) THROUGH our trials. We will come out in the other side VICTORIOUS and He will get all of the glory.
In His love,
xoxo
Michele–prayers for strength, peace, and healing during this tough time.
God Bless,
Erica, Lee, Isaiah and Leah Norris
My sweet sweet sister, I so know your limbo. I have a benign lump in my breast and have been diagnosed BRCA1. I am currently in my own limbo waiting on the lumpectomy next week. We will then schedule the double mastectomy and hysterectomy. I know that our Heavenly Papa has chosen us to walk this journey for His good and His testimony. I cling to Isaiah 41:10 when the fear starts to invade and I know that He upholds ALL of His promises. It may not be an easy journey we have been chosen for, but He will be right beside us. Be brave, be strong and know you are loved and prayed for.
Thank you for sharing your story. I too have learned that sharing the hard places allows God to work in ways we never would have figured out for ourselves.
My hard place is I’m going to court tomorrow to find out what the mediator is recommending for custody time share for my 10 year old son. I know God is in control, he hates injustice, he hates violence. I know it will all be according to his plan. The HARD part is accepting his plan may not look like what I think the best case scenario is.
I will pray for you. I’m sorry.
Michele, I pray that you will feel the Father’s arms as he wraps them around you, and his strength as he holds you up through all that is ahead. I think the most important thing I would need to remember is to tell myself the truth.. DO NOT listen to Satan’s lies. He whispers them in our weakest moments and instills fear where there should be none. We KNOW who is in control. Get away Satan, you are a liar! No matter what comes, God will be the victor. May all glory go to him. I will continue to lift you in prayer dear Michele.
When I am in a tough place, I have found that looking for the joy around me is what makes me snap out of my negative thoughts. Looking at the sunrise with all the colors of pink and purple; watching a young mother with a newborn and remembering my two at that age; seeing a couple together acting as if they are the only ones in the room and only have eyes for each other; and I can go on and on. By looking at the glory that God has put in front of us, we can see it’s beauty. This is how I have started picking myself up and willing myself to realize that God is always there around us if we just take the time to look 🙂
Michele,
God is good in all situations even when we can’t see what his plan or next step is. This is where faith comes in. God will ALWAYS be by our side. No matter what we are enduring. I will be praying for you and your family. Stay strong.
Michele, you are in my thoughts and prayers right now. Amazing how your story put my fears in perspective again. Please know that the Lord is using you… as you walk this journey …. AND that you are blessing the lives of others. Also know that you are being lifted up… sisters around the world are praying with and for you. I hope you can feel the arms wrap around you.
Blessings!
Kristi
Cancer is an ugly thing. But, it doesn’t mean your life is over. It doesn’t mean our still can’t take care of your family and friends or do what you were called to do. I consider cancer decidedly inconvenient. My mother had cancer… and I go in for testing in a few days. And as scared and fearful as you may be, rejoice and know that He is with you and you have His love pouring on you. In all things, be to His glory. I will be praying for you and thinking of you!
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. It’s a hard one, but so very necessary! Thanks for posting this today. I needed to see it.
Prayers for peace and strength! Thanks for all you do! 🙂
Thank you, dear Jada!
Lifting you up in prayer, Michelle!!! Gods got this!!!!
Tears, prayers, and peace
Michele, I’m praying for your strength to fight this! I know it’s frustrating, but God does have a plan. You never know who your story is helping. Someone that may not have the strength or faith to get through whatever it is they are going through may hear your words about the journey you are experiencing now. This may be what they need in order to move forward. Be strong, I know it’s very frustrating feeling like everything is out of your control….hand it all over to God and keep your faith strong, and He will be right by your side through this whole thing. 🙂 I’ve been fighting cancer for 15 yrs now, have proved many many doctors wrong…a few of them have told me I wouldn’t make it. But here I am…still fighting it and also thanking God for everyday that He allows me to wake up. I have my good days and my bad days…but God is Great, all the time!! Big Hugs…you got this!!
Dearest Michelle,
I am praying for you. Cancer is such a scary thing. Thank God you are aware of the special gifts that you are given. I too have had some less than favorable health news and I struggle so hard find Him.
Hugs,
Halona
Michele, I pray God is present with you every day as he s with all medical staff. I know He is in your heart… I too am a cancer survivor… scary time, but I know asking God to give me what I needed every day and for my family to understand my need for positiveness and normaility led me to a deeper trust in God than I ever had… your strength to face this again is amazing.. I will join you in prayers for your health… .
Praying!