“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
I am using more of #1 than ever before “Telling yourself the truth”. Michelle, you are not alone even if you feel like you are. Your feelings are fickle. God says, “I will never leave you or forsake you and that’s a fact. God is with you wherever you go and He was already at this moment before you got there!
You are not powerless because you have the power of God’s resurrection within you. You can do ALL things through Christ who gives you the strength. The strength doesn’t come from you..it comes from Him! On those days when you think you can’t go on, ask Him for the strength to do it.
Christ is in you, the HOPE of GLORY. Hope means we KNOW God already has taken care of things it doesn’t mean maybe He will…it means He already HAS taken care of it. Praying for you that you have hope that God is doing something amazing through this relapse! Hold onto Jesus because He is right there with you! and so are your brothers and sisters in Christ! An amazing thing is going to happen that will give you reason to rejoice through this. Jeremiah 29:11 …God plans are not for evil..(although cancer surely does “look” evil) but through this, He will give you hope in your future. Somebody is about to get blessed by you during this! I pray God brings you someone who will see God in you and turn to Him because of your willingness to believe the truth and hold onto Him.
Michele, I am praying for you. God knows what He is doing, we don’t have a clue. If we had our way, no one would suffer from sickness, heartache, disabilities, birth defects, etc. I myself have a brain tumor that I am trusting God will heal. While we both are waiting on the Lord, we can encourage others to believe and wait also.
Sending prayers of peace and healing. I am too in that place in between, feels like I have been here forever. But mine seems small in comparison. Your strength and hope give me strength and hope. I am learning to find joy even when the future is uncertain. Reading this gave me even more tools to do so. Thank you.
As a fellow breast cancer survivor (one year), I understand how you feel and the thoughts you shared. Lying to myself (fear) and worry are the areas I need to work on most. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you!
I am right where you are. I found out that I had breast cancer about 4 weeks ago. Have just undergone mastectomy & will start chemo in a few weeks. Yo top that off, my husband has Lou Gehrig ‘s disease snd is on a ventilator & I am his caregiver. So believe me when I say “Lord, how can something good cone out of all this?” But I am confident that God has a plan
Take stock of all the goodness. This is what I need to do more of. So easy to not do during my days of uncertainty.
I also like how you pointed out ” I will not put my joy on hold.”
Michele, I pray that the Lord brings you peace and strength as you battle cancer again. I pray for wisdom for your doctors, and that he will lay his hands upon them and guide them as they treat you. I pray that you feel his love and glory shining upon you in your time of need.
I need prayers for several things. Some family situations. Financial miracle….have some huge bills that need to get paid right away….water for the crops. I do praise God though because we have seen some huge miracles in our lives. We are so grateful for them.
I love that verse Romans 8:28, even though during the hard times it is difficult to see the good. Prayers and peace to you at this difficult time.
Michele, I am sitting here thinking, “What could possibly say to her that would help her?” Only His name comes to my mind. Jesus. Here are a few of the lyrics to Jason Nelson’s song: Whenever you are troubled, just remember,
that there is power in His name… Ah, Oh, I think you’re ready now
Threw up my hands ready to quit
and I almost said, this is it
But I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
See the Lord brought me through it all
When my back was against the wall
I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
So we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Yes we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Let me tell you one more time…
l So call Him, call His name
When you need to call Him, call His name
Oooh, call Him, somebody needs to call
So call Him, When you need healing, call Him
If you need salvation, call Him
Somebody needs to call Him
Say Jesus, Say Jesus
Power In His Name
——————————————————————————–
Whenever you are troubled, just remember,
that there is power in His name… Ah, Oh, I think youre ready now
Threw up my hands ready to quit
and I almost said, this is it
But I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
See the Lord brought me through it all
When my back was against the wall
I called Jesus and it all changed
Cause theres power in His name
So we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Yes we call Jesus, Jesus
Theres power in His name
Let me tell you one more time…
l So call Him, call His name
When you need to call Him, call His name
Oooh, call Him, somebody needs to call
So call Him, When you need healing, call Him
If you need salvation, call Him
Somebody needs to call Him
Say Jesus, Say Jesus
This was so inspiring to me. I pray for peace and comfort for Michele and her family. Our God is good!
Michelle, as I read that part of your story I can’t help but to admire your positive attitude and your total trust in God. I pray that you find peace and comfort in His promise, and I will continue to pray for you.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. I don’t know what cancer is like, but I understand uncertainty. Right now I’m 33 weeks pregnant with our second son, who has been diagnosed with two major congenital heart defects, one of which is the third rarest in the world. As I pray for our peace, I pray for yours too.
Michelle, cancer stinks! I’m a nurse who used to care for cancer patients for 6 years before moving on to rehabilitation nursing. I’ve been a nurse to many with cancer, including my uncle, my aunt, my step-dad, and my Mom, AND I myself have had melanoma. And cancer stinks, but God is SO much bigger than cancer! As I’m typing this, my 12-year-old daughter is singing Mandisa’s Overcomer at the top of her lungs! we are ALL ‘Overcomers’ simply because we are Gods children! I pray that you you receive another miracle, that you can once again be cured! God had you in the palm of His right hand!!
We just ended a five week sermon series on Romans 8. It’s been phenomenal. Praying God’s will to be done.
Praying for HIs Peace that passes all understanding!
Michelle,
Think about the man who was born blind. His friends and onlookers asked who had sinned. Him, or his parents? And Jesus told them neither, and that the man was made that way for the glory of God the father, and healed him. God’s ways are not our ways. Sufferings and trials will come and the waves may come in over and over again. We may never know “why”. But I have faith that you can and will be healed, whether it be on earth or in heaven. Knowing this myself, it makes things easier to bear. As a single mom of 9 years to my 9 year old, it has been one thing after another. Just when financial freedom peeks its head, another catastrophe comes. Just when I seem to have found a good job, it is given to someone else and my benefits are cut. This whole grand scheme of life will have many burdens, trials, the race of endurance, but run the race to WIN! You can do it! Beat out the lies and live for today. Enjoy some ice cream, go to see a good movie, spend time with family and friends. Don’t get ahead of the calendar. <—– that is my biggest struggle. I worry I may never get to retire or know what it's like to own a home, or a dog, or be loved in a way that a man loves his wife, or be able to send my son to college, but I am getting ahead of the calendar. When I focus on living just for today, we get closer to each other, and closer to God. After all, he gave manna daily for his people, not in advance. He met them daily where they were, and we have to remember this. Easier said than done. I will pray for your healing, and I am confident that whatever decision the Lord makes, its for His glory! Your true reward is laying just on the other side of heaven. Live life for today! If you were healed once, you can be healed again by the doctors, but remember, when we all see Jesus, we will be healed forever. This post was so encouraging to me. I suffer from depression and trying to have full faith that God has his best for me, in the tough times of single parenthood. I have to feed myself the Word or I start believing the lies. Truth and Promises, the more I tell myself them, the more I believe them. Romans 15:13
Oh Michele, my heart aches for you. Praying that you lean not on your own understanding, but rest in His Shelter and allow His strength to sustain you. God Bless.
Much prayer and good thoughts to accompany you on your journey … I wish for peace to your soul as you face this next challenge. He loves you.
Praying that you will receive His piece and comfort.
Michelle, I thank God that you are able to rest in HIM, and I pray that you will be able to continue to have FAITH and PEACE knowing that HE is in control ALWAYS!!
Prayers for you during this difficult and scary time. Even in times like these, God is good and we can trust his promises. I pray for health, laughter, love and light to be yours. I pray that you are surrounded by good friends and loved ones.
Michele, it’s so hard to understand Gods plan. But sometimes I feel as if He is saying, “Do you trust me?” The more we trust Him the more our faith grows and will stand through the storms. Prayers are flooding out to our Almighty God for you!! Keep your eyes fixed on Him! 🙂
Thank you for being so transparent with your story. Thank you for letting Rene share your text & updates. My heart is sad but, clinging to the hope in Jesus’ miracles. Praying for peace & for a miraculous healing.
In His, name.
Michelle, praying for God’s perfect will in your life. May your heart and mind be guarded by His incomprehensible peace.
I am praying for Michele and all of those in similar situation. I too am going through several times of waiting simultaneously. Being in the military I am facing new ordersto unknown place or possibly getting out after 11 years. I am also facing some financial situations. Most importantly my grandmother is going through chemchemotherapy, we too thought it was gonna and over with and find out differently right before Christmas. I try to be steadfast in my faith but today was definitely one of those days where everything hit me at once and i felt like i was drowning. I needed every single word of this. Thank you and God bless!
My not knowing place today is wondering how and when my husband will finally get a job so that we can finally pay all of our bills and how I can help my daughter learn things easier and not be such a chatterbox at school. I’ve had enough emotional not knowing places in my life to know that these issues I have today are much easier to deal with than Micheles, so I will say an extra prayer for her and her family for peace and joy in the storm.
Michelle, I will keep you in prayers that God does a miracle. Just have hope, peace and keep trusting that God will heal you completely. May God bless you!
Aren’t you just so thankful that you have God to go through this with? Praying God will use you in amazing ways to be a blessing to the doctors, nurses and others who you come in contact with during this storm. Praying for God’s peace and strength through the good and bad days. Praying for good friends and family to surround you and hold you up in prayer, finding ways to be a blessing to you. Hugs from your sister in Christ.
Prayers! I love her heart to break down and share her struggles. And our STRENGTH. 🙂
Praying for Peace and Comfort…May you feel the presence of God wrapping his arms around you and just holding you like the precious child you are. His Child! He loves you and wants to give you the best he has for you. The Peace that passes all understanding. May he uphold you with his righteous right hand! Blessings to You!!!
Just came through a Bone Marrow Transplant with my FIL and am in the midst of a separation from my husband of 21 years. (Praying for Reconciliation) So I do understand your need for people praying with
you. To know they care and are standing with you believing!
Have faith…Hold your head up God has a plan for you and it is wonderful!!!
I am almost ready to graduate college…for the second time, this time doing exactly what I want and what I know God has given me the talent to do. We are also trying to get our own home…something I have never done at age 37. I also have a disability hearing soon from a bad fall in 2012.
I KNOW that God has it all covered! Faith shows and tells me this…but flesh tries to tell me otherwise. I refuse to let doubt control my life any longer. I did that for way too many years. I always tell myself and make myself to HAVE HOPE! Don’t give up!
I do let people love me now. For much of my life, I always built a wall…but I love life now. Trusting is still an issue with people at times…but I totally trust GOD! And finally…I always count my blessings. Even the saving 25 cents on fries today. lol
Awesome blog! Ty!
Praying for you and for good news!!! Claim your signature verses and bask in them…
Hello, Michele. We share the same name – one L and all – and although my unknown place isn’t anything like yours, it’s still a place that causes me great consternation at times and I just don’t understand the point of this seemingly endless circumstance. I am constantly having to remind myself that God is working this out for my good, even though I don’t see how it can possibly ever get that way, especially as even right this minute I have a desperate financial emergency and no conceivable way to meet it. A lot of my life has been pretty terrible because I was doing things my way and not God’s, and even since I started doing it His way the outward circumstances haven’t changed much but I know there’s been changes in me, and that makes all the difference. I will certainly be praying for you, and thank you for sharing your story and helping us to remember that we all have these uncertain moments and it isn’t weird to be freaked out about it.
This verse has a very special place in my heart. When I was 13, I woke to news that my 42 year old Father had died of a massive heart attack. As I wrestled with why & how & the numbing feeling with the reality of my Father being gone, I heard God’s voice. It was this very verse he spoke to me.Though my earthly Father left me too soon, my Heavenly Father was still there. Though I could only see in part God see’s the big picture. I took comfort in knowing that though I didn’t fully understand why, God knew & that was enough for me.
Oh, sweet sister in Christ. HE IS WITH YOU. HE cares and loves you. Cling to Him and know HIS plans are GOOD. Praying for you.
Praying for healing and continued peace for Michelle and her family and friends. I pray that she is surrounded by a strong and supportive network.
Romans 8:28 is on of my favorites!! I hoold onto this verse for one because its God’s word and his promise to me… especially because my birthday is 8/28!!! God bless you!
But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture . Malachi 4:2 . He is risen! We are free to leap with joy, whatever our earthly circumstance!
Sweet Michelle, a great cloud of women are lifting you and your struggle up to our Great Physician. May He cover you in his precious peace and love. I will remember you in my prayers. Thank you for your courage.
Remember God is in control. He knows what He is doing. Let Him carry the burden. Praying for you in Missouri.
I’m facing an unwanted divorce after a two year separation… it’s just hard to see what good will come, but I trust God will bring something good!!
Praying that I can let go of all of my stress and anxiety.
To me there is nothing more uplifting than the truth of the words on that canvas. “God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him.”
There is power in prayer. May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Dear Michele, I was just diagnosed with breast cancer in January and am waiting for a surgery date. Mine is In the early stages. I will be praying for you. I started a journal when I found out so that I could record my thoughts and what all was happening but most of all so I could write all the verses that the Lord gave me and little comments that I read that could be looked back on and would encourage. Worry is something that we all struggle with. This was helpful to me: Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father Who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. BE AT PEACE then, put anxious thoughts and imaginations all aside. Also: Worry is an old man with a bent head, carrying a load of feathers he thinks is lead. Another verse that is encouraging is Psalm 27:13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. The Lord is amazing; He gives a sense of peace as we look to Him and we can be sure that ALL is working for our good and blessing. This is our opportunity to share in His sufferings. Will it be easy? No, but He will be there for us to pick us up when we have our doubts and get us back on the path He has set before us. Rest in His love!
Duet 33:26,27
“There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms….”
May you feel His presence, peace, and love in a fresh new way today and the days to follow
Oh Michelle,
You are a true inspiration to all women. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” As much as we don’t want to believe that cancer is God’s plan, I truly believe that he does have plans for you & by living in His grace, by being joyful & having faith you will get through this. It’s hard when you’re in the darkness to believe that all things work out for good but you, dear Michelle, are filled with the light of the Holy Spirit. You have touched so many lives and there are so many people praying for you. Prayer is a powerful gift. May God bless you & your family & may He give you all peace & strength as you travel this journey together.
Dear Michelle,
You are a light into His world and dearly loved! My children and I will be praying earnestly for your healing as we know God is still the Great Physician.
Our hope lies in Him. I am learning this year in my studies to SURRENDER to Him and it sounds like that is what you have done. You have given this illness to Him. It’s not yours but His. I will pray for peace for you as you once again go along your journey. Praise God that we are His!