“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Is this just a scripture or is a promise?? I choose promise. Stand on it, Michelle!!
Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. Matthew 9:35
Praying for peace in comfort.Place your trust in the great creator. He will give you the grace when you need it. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Sweetest name I know.
Scary stuff to deal with. Praying for peace as you deal with this.
Oh Michelle’s story struck a cord with me….I, too, am a breast cancer survivor and I hung onto Romans 8:28 EVERYDAY. Through ever chemo. Sweet Michelle….God has you in the palm of His Hands and yes, He truly is working all things for your good. As hard as that is to fathom, He is. Another favorite verse, and one that comforted me was…..”all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one came to be.” Psalm 139:16. Michelle….I pray that this verse too, would give you comfort as you rest in the knowledge that although God doesn’t give us cancer, He did know that this is where you’d be on your journey. He is with you and loves you. Sweet blessings, my “sister!”
Romans 15:13 (HCSB) “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Praying this for you
Exactly the words I needed to read. Thank you, Alisa.
Michele, I am really sorry that the results weren’t what you expected, hoped or prayed for. But your rest in our Jesus blesses me greatly. I tend to want to give up so easily. My struggle has been believing the Truth vs. my feelings. Thank you for reminding me God is faithful, dependable and always loving. I pray that He will display His love for you in a personal way today that thoroughly thrills you.
Me too, Priscilla. Too often I allow my feelings to trump the truth. This is so difficult for me! I’ve learned I have to write down truths to literally rehease, out loud, again and again until it drowns out the fear. The 3 truths I hang on to more than any others are these (based on a study I did of Exodus 14:14):
(1) God’s presence is with me
(2) God’s power will carry me
(3) God’s glory will thrill me!
I pray this encourages you, too!
What a great reminder for us all! God is good even when we don’t understand his plans.
Father God I bring Michele before your throne. Father, I thank you so much for Michele and her willingness to be transparent in this journey. Lord, we know not what you have planned, but we do know you are with Michele and LOVE her. Father, I ask that you remind her hourly, daily and for as long as this goes on, how much you love her, and are with her. I pray for Michele to feel your presence. I pray that Michele can see the blessings you plant along our path each night as you are watching over us as we rest. I pray for the peace that passes all understanding for Michele, her friends and her family. God, give her doctors Godly wisdom and discernment. Be with Michele and her family as she makes decisions on her care. Thank you Father for Michele. In Jesus name.
Yes, Father God. Make it so!
{thank you, dear Lynne. a beautiful prayer. grateful.}
I know if each of us could make the pain of this horrible disease go away we would today. Your strength helps others who are facing huge obstacles. I know God is with you and you do too. I hope that strength for you also comes in the form of women sharing their faith and hope for your healing. Strength is found in reading God’s word. I pray for your peacefulness and strength as you face this obstacle again. “God please be with Michele and her family. Grant your strength and healing to be with her and let her know each of us put your loving arms around her for we deeply care for her and her family”. in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Michele, I have been praying for you. Thank you for your example. I doubt you woke up one day and thought, “Bring it on, God – I want to be a good example of faith!” And yet, you are. I am struck by how this attitude in me would banish the fear of the “what if’s”. Why should I worry, if God has me locked securely in His arms no matter what? I know lots of people are praying for you. Today, I will pray specifically for God to take away all fear in your heart. And tomorrow I’ll pray for your children and your husband not to be afraid. And I’ll just keep on praying for you each day. Bless you, Michele.
Wow! This is so moving. Thank you very much for sharing it. I needed to read these four things as I continue to deal with my hard-to-understand/communicate with beautiful 17 year old daughter. What Michele is going through must be so much more difficult. Father God, Thank you for Michele and her heart to share what’s going on with her. Please wrap Your strong, loving arms around her and under-gird her as she goes through this different time. I pray for peace for her and her family, comfort and rest for her. Most importantly, I pray for wholeness by the stripes Jesus bore, and also wisdom for her, her family and the physician(s) treating her. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
My God grant you strength for your journey ahead…May he send peace and a support system that will in turn be God’s warm embrace.
Peace and every good.
Dear Michele, my prayers are with you as you walk through the Valley of Uncertainty. This is my prayer for you: ” Remember your word to your servant (Michele), for you have given me (Michele) hope. My (Michele’s) comfort in my (her) suffering is this: Your promise preserves my (Michele’s) life. ” Ps. 119:49-50. Praise be to God that you don’t walk this path alone! He is always with you and you have the support of all your sisters in the Lord. Love & Peace to you. Gloria
Michele
My prayers and thoughts are with you on this journey that you don’t walk alone. May HIS peace be with you this day and each day forward.
Blessings and hugs, Julie
God Bless you Michele on this journey. Thank you and Renee for sharing your faith walk. Your story has come at just the right time. My one and only sister has recently found out the she has malignant tumor in a breast. Her surgery is scheduled for March 18th. When I saw the title of this entry I knew I would find truth; as I do believe “He works {all things} together for good”. By God’s Promise – we are never alone. And by our Faith we have Hope.
God Bless each and every woman here, her family, her friends to trust that God is beside you, holding you every step of the way. Love and Prayers to all.
May God give you an everlasting peace, and embrace you with His loving arms. Praying for you.
Beautiful vulnerable testimony… Thanks for sharing. Praying for her now.
Prayers for peace and healing. God has you on His hands
Michelle, I prayed for you as I read Renee’s post and all these wonderful comments. I will pray for greater faith for you as you face this detour. I remember the words in a hymn, “But I long to rise in the arms of faith and be closer drawn to Thee”… The loving arms of faith in Jesus will enfold you and give comfort in the midst of fears and give you peace. Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love, shatter hope, corrode faith, destroy peace, kill friendship, invade the soul, steal eternal life, or conquer the Spirit. Through God’s strength He will help you to love, laugh, hold on to joy, hope, dream, believe and rest in His love for whatever journey His good will has for you.
Michelle – I am a breast cancer survivor. I never felt closer to God than when I was going through all the surgeries. It is a blessing to know that God is always there beside you through it all. He will use it for good. It’s just we may not know what good he uses it for. I still do not know what good it was used for in my case, but I know that God does, and that’s all that matters. May God’s peace stay with you always. hugs and prayers . . .