“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
Community is Key–
When we live in community, a trial shared is half the burden, and a joy shared gives a double blessing. As a community, we are going to be both burdened and blessed at the same time. We cry for our suffering loved ones, and we rejoice with the new mother in our midst. We are created for community, with Christ as our King. We acknowledge that God is Sovereign, and seeks to draw us continually to Himself.
I need all of them, a couple weeks ago I went to see my eye doctor for my annual exam. He saw saw something unusual that he wasn’t sure about. So today I saw a cornea specialist. He wanted another opinion, and I went back to see him this afternoon. He confirmed there is a growth on the outside of my eye that needs to be removed. They won’t know if there is cancer present until they do pathology on it after it is removed. Surgery will be scheduled in a couple of days. I’m trying my best to not worry, but it’s hard, not knowing. I’ve got one of the best Doctors in the country, so that is comforting. I just keep telling myself that I am not in control. God is and it’s all part of his plan for me.
“Take stock of all the goodness” was so powerful to me because even though you could not control the diagnosis, you can control whether you let the devil steal your ability to recognize the good from God. You have so much more inner strength than you realize! You and God can fight this!
I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains. (Psalm 121:1, 2 MSG)
Michele, this verse has brought me comfort in many different times in my life. I pray for healing, comfort, and peace throughout this time of waiting. May you continue to dance, laugh, and love. Thank you for sharing your story and being a light.
Michele,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your testimony. I’m praying for your complete healing, peace and strength.
Grace and Peace to you.
Brenda
Praying in agreement for all of you. Praying for my son who carries a heavy yoke of pill addictions. I lost my older son Dec 2010 to heroin. I also need the financial healing God told me he’d allow to manifest. I am facing foreclosure. Applied for an emap loan to catch up on back payments. Credit is so damaged due to loss of wages. I want to be a blessing to others. I want to lend once again, not borrow. Bless you all. Standing on God’s word.
I needed this amazing reminder today. I fear the unknown more than ever lately. I graduate in May with a Masters degree. What then? My husband is battling addiction, mental illness, and disease. What then? My youngest daughter almost died this past weekend. What then? Today I am reminded that there is always always hope. And I stop, pause, and thank God for today. Taking in all the goodness. Michele, thank you for your words. The Lord has truly used your life to touch mine.
My prayers go out to you…May you feel Gods presence today and always. I know when we are going through the storm its hard to not get mad and sometimes feel alone. Know you will never be alone, God will always walk with you, cherish each and every moment and know God has a plan for you and will never give you more than you can handle. I pray you will be healed and you will have a long journey on this earth. In Jesus name!!!
Prayers going up!! God is always good and someday we will see how when we can’t see it here.
Praying for Michelle and all of those involved with her treatment. God is good!
My prayers are with you. My best friend has terminal cancer and it honors me when she shares her fears and heart with me. God bless.
I am still asking honestly why Michele myself. But I find courage daily in her strength and joy and unwavering love for Jesus. The hardest thing to receive is “to let yourself be loved by others” and I’ve been on that end. It’s so much easier to give, than to receive. So that was a powerful reminder I think we all need to hear. it’s okay to feel needy and weak. God uses that to demonstrate his strength. And to that I say Amen.
Thank you Renee for sharing Michelle’s needs, and thank you Emily for your gracious giving.
I am praying God will keep Michelle in “perfect peace”, that He will be her joy and strength! I also always pray for healing miracles in each case of health as I will be praying for Michelle. I pray for a ‘wholeness’ of her mind, spirit, soul and body.
God bless you all!
Much love,
Susan
Thank you for sharing this. We lost our 4th son ti Trisomy 13 last March 9th. Fear and anxiety are shadows that have been clinging to me for over a year now. These words are beautiful.
Dear Heavenly Father, whisper your peace over Michele tonight and the days going forward.
Healing; hopeful prayers for Michele and all who suffer. HE is able – one of my favorite attributes of our Lord Jesus.
Dear Michele,
Feeling blue over several areas in my life I took a moment to reflect on the Proverbs 31 site. We certainly do (at least I do ) allow our joy to be stolen from us too easily, too often , too deeply, and we even find reasons to justify this loss of joy.
Today I found encouragement in “YOU” and your writings. You truly have allowed the Lord to use you and the oh so very frightening places that you are. What a blessing to be used of God and to see purpose in your sufferings
I pray that each time you struggle to not only keep your peace and joy but for extending encouragement in that struggle with us that God will graciously bless you and your body with total wholeness and healing!!
Thank you for sharing your belief in Him and His Holy Peace that we all can obtain. “Holy Peace” – a bubble wrap for our hearts!
I can’t tell you what an encouragement this post has been to me! It follows a rough week for me, and only yesterday was I reading a book with this very scripture shared and today I come on and read this post – God is truly gracious and patient with me in my doubting times. 🙂
Michelle, I was so encouraged by your story of faith. My family has been through a 10-year process now of waiting on the Lord and trying each day of it to fully trust in Him for our needs (mainly financial). But my faith has not been as strong in the last two years as I’d wish it to be, and it’s a comfort to hear stories of others putting their faith fully on the Lord over and over again in the midst of hardships because it inspires me to do so too! 🙂 Will be praying for you as you travel this journey once again.
{Emily, totally LOVE your designs! 😀 Thank you for sharing God’s truth in such a beautiful way!}
God bless!
~Rachel~
Michelle, your faith during such a challenging time will inspire so many. I pray that you will feel God’s presence, peace, love, healing, protection, and joy every moment of every day.
Praying for your peace. God is good……….all the time!!
Father, I asked that you cover Michelle from the top of her head to the soles of her feet with the precious blood of Jesus. Saturate her Lord. By His stripes we are healed. I pray for strength for Michelle to travel this journey and follow your leading. I pray for complete healing and restoration in every area of her life. What the enemy has meant for evil, you will turn around for your glory and resore Michelle and her family 10 fold. In Jesus holy name I ask this and give you thanks. To you be the glory and honor.
Michelle ~ my dear little Mother gave birth to 11 babies (I am #11). When I was 2 years old, Mom was given months to live as a cancer patient. She just celebrated her 88th birthday and I am 53.
Her goal in life – Seek ye first the kingdon of heaven. What I have learned from her and the struggles/illnesses – God is still on the throne and still the supreme physician. Love is the greatest gift
May God Bless You with His Strength and Peace.
sometimes we don’t understand why God let’s things happen the way they do. We may never understand this side of heaven. I am learning to trust God’s will whatever comes my way. Thank you so much for this blog. It puts a different perspective on things.
Michelle I lift you up today.
Praying! What a story you are using t
help others. A hard journey but such comfort knowing God is with you & will never leave you! I pray for your complete healing.
Praying for sweet Michelle! May God hold her in the palm of His hand and heal her fully! Thank you for being his vessel!
Michele, I’m praying that you perceptibly feel surrounded by the joy and love of Jesus. Thank you for your witness of faith and courage!
Praying for you Michelle, I know God will wrap his arms around you and give you comfort. May the doctors have wisdom to know just the right treatments. So glad that Jesus is the ultimate healer.
Prayers for me please that after being laid-off twice in 6 months that I will find the Job that the Lord has for me. The waiting and not knowing is so very, very hard.
Thanks so much !
Looking for treasures in the rubble. Sharing your heart. Such truths that help us to hold onto the good and hope to rise above what is in all around, no matter what we are facing. What a profound post. So blessed to read this today
Michele, we are strong because God is our strength! You are not alone because we, your sisters in Christ, are here to hold you up. I don’t know you but our shared faith makes us family. I share your fear in the unknowns but believe that Gods plan is superior in every way. I had 3 biopsy’s just this morning and waiting for results in a few days. Thank you for sharing your story even if it did not have the happy ending. You are the inspiration for each of us going through life’s trials. Please continue to post your journey.
Always, Marti
Isaiah 61:13 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
Praying for you.
Dear Michelle,
I hope you will praise God for the things you have and,especially at this time in your life, trust Him for those you don’t. I will keep you in my prayers for a positive outcome.
Praying for God’s arms to wrap around you and hold you tight moment to moment to moment!
Dear Michelle,
I learned a long time ago-not to ask “why” but, “What am I to learn from this?”. I was like Job, lost everything while we did everything right. My friend is going through Breast Cancer now, we are surrounding her with so much love and support. It is so easy to be mad at GOD, it is harder but not impossible to praise HIM through the storm. I decree strength in your spirit to help you daily, strength to find HIS direction and comfort even when the flesh is in pain, strength to be a light for someone just entering in this battle.
Wow….I needed this good word today. Thank you Michele for your realness. It seems I get so caught up in the “whys” of my life that I lose sight of God & how He has not forgotten who I am & my circumstances. I needed to hear all 4 of the reasons to keep on living today. I am praying for you Michele.
Being in the hallway and waiting can be excruciating… Or it can be a beautiful time to revel in the beauty around you and the people who love you. I pray God will surround you with His peace, the peace that passes understanding, while also praying for your complete healing. God bless you.
As I sit in our hospital room with my daughter who is recovering from her third battle with this horrible disease, your words ring so true and sink solidly into my heart and mind. I’m bookmarking this article so I can read it again and again. I will be in prayer that you and my daughter are restored to complete health.
This is beautifully written – such great truths. So thankful for a God who loves us even when we can’t know how He will work things out. Going to share this with some family members who might be encouraged by it!
Almost exactly 3 years ago, my husband needed to resign from a ministry position that he loved because of integrity issues of others on staff. My husband just felt he couldn’t support what was going on. With the economy as it is, it was truly a step of faith that God would keep His promises to us and not let us fall. Three years later, not making enough to support our family and keep our home……we HAVE supported our family and HAVE kept our home!!! NO HUMAN EXPLANATION!!! GOD hasn’t dropped us. I have days that I’m almost scared to breath, and my husband continues to say……HE HASN’T DROPPED US YET!!!
HE WORKS {ALL THINGS} together for good!!! Prayer for you through your wilderness!!
God doesn’t just bring you to it…He brings you through it. Prayers and Love your way, Michele! ♥
Fear of the unknown has been keeping me up at night. It helps to be reminded that God is ALWAYS i control and loves me 100% of the time.
Keeping you in my prayers. God answers all prayers!
Michelle, wishing you God’s peace and grace as you go through this time of uncertainty and treatment. Knowing that He truly does work ALL things for good. May God bless you and hold you close in the days ahead.Your sister In Christ, Velda
Praying for peace and comfort during this difficult time for you and your family but also that God would use this place you are in to show others HIS love, peace, strength, and courage that may not know HIM. We know that HE is the great physician and if its HIS will you will be healed prayerfully on this side of Heaven.Thank you for sharing your story its a reminder that we need to live each day as if its our last. God bless you and your family.
Wow, so sorry and I so needed to see this today. My dear sweet Mom has her second brain tumor now and the doctors don’t know what to do. My heart is grieving…I do know of natural remedies for cancer (God given and proven) but my Mom and her husband are from the older generation and aren’t open to alternative cancer cures. I am dealing with some other huge issues, financial, business, raising teen boys alone, etc.. and uncertainty on top of my Mom’s illness. But I know that I know that I know just as God holds the heavens in place I see His hand all through my life and know that He has always had ahold of me, and He promises He will never leave us or forsake us, He will NEVER let us go. And just as we don’t know how He does this, He too loves us unconditionally, has a plan and purpose and is fully capable of healing and restoring life to our hearts and our health. I’ve seen this all through my life.
But it’s all through Him, for Him and by Him that we live and breathe and forever will be as we’re on our way to eternity. These things are just to prove How great our God is and how temporary life issues are! Just as we don’t see an end, God sees the whole picture. God really does work ALL things together for our good, it just takes us a bit of time for us to see. Our job is have faith and trust Him with everything. We have to walk through… Stand, keep standing, pray, lean in and trust Him. I pray Father for your wisdom, your peace that passes all understanding, comfort and speedy healing for Michele in Jesus Name Amen. I’m going to be praying for you sister, God bless you always.
Wow! you are such an inspiration. Keeping you in my prayers. That is one of my favorite scriptures and one the Lord gave me to help me through a really hard time in my life. Thanks for sharing and may God Bless you today and always.
What a powerful journey – praying for Michele. Not jumping ahead on the calendar is definitely something I could use to learn.
Dear Lord, Help Michelle to be strong and courageous and not fear oe be in dread, for it is YOU, Lord, our God who goes before her. You will never leave her or forsake her. Amen
Praying for you, Michelle. Thank you for your courage and for sharing with us.
Praying for you in this valley…God’s grace is sufficient! I know easier said than done, but you are loved and in prayer. God bless you sister!
Thank you for being so inspiring and courageous and how you have encouraged me today. Praying for God’s will and peace for you.
I need to remember all 4 of these things. Thank you for sharing with us. You are being added to my prayer list Please keep us posted on how you are doing. You are such an encouragement.
Thank you for sharing this! My friend has cancer, and is going through a difficult time. Your words are comforting.