“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
This verse, by the way, is my life verse. I lost my husband to cancer, and have remarried a man, who is truly my best friend. He too has had a bout with prostate cancer but we have learned to trust the one above and know that it is all in his plan and that this too will pass and that we will be stronger as a couple as a result of it, having learned many valuable lessons as we walked through this disease together. Bless you.
I have a new friend God put in my life through cleaning her house, who is in the same boat as you. I pray for the words of encouragement to comfort her. I have taken comfort in your words of encouragement. I have faith that I will have the strength needed to pass through the fire. When I read Paul’s words I remember that the man who wrote half the New Testament felt the same way I am feeling right now. He had the knowing of pressing on in the fire. Life is hard and in this world we will have trouble , but take heart I have overcome the world. You have the good fortune of having great friends to surround you and build you up in the face of adversity, take comfort in the (God with skin) people in your life. I will be praying for you and so will countless other Saints. You are a warrior for God.
Prayers for Michelle! While I am having a pity party of my own, waiting to bring home our little girl from Latin America and dealing with insurance about a house than needs repairs from a flood, its makes my worries seem minor.
Prayers goes out to you in this season of your life. Prayers for joy in the moments that you are given, peace for the days when that is all you can hold onto, acceptance for the unknown tomorrows. Cancer is a hungry beast and only our Creator can slay the dragon.
Prayers for Michele. For her to have peace and be fear of fear and worry. For her health to be restored. In Jesus’ Name.
Oh Michele, I am so sorry the results were not what you were praying for. I know that you know…..God knows the plans He has for you. Even though we cannot understand the whys sometimes in this life, just know that He is in charge and will offer you a way to get through this. Will pray for you.
I am praying for your healing and comfort and for the Lord’s rich mercy and grace extended to you through this hard place.May you not be overwhelmed but overshadowed. God bless and keep you under His wings.
Love you, Michele! I am still praying without ceasing for you. No matter what, God will strengthen you for the battle ahead.
I will ask God to heal you of this affliction once and for all, Michele. But I know the feeling, the uncertainty. I once had cysts on my ovaries and the cancer antigen test was kept going up to the real scary zone. This was back in 1990. I chose not to have surgery but to use a holistic doctor instead and rely on God. The conventional doctor thought I was nuts! What happened along the way is that the things I thought were important turned out to be meaningless. Everything shifted in perspective. I was also in a bad marriage at the time, too; just to add to the load. God got me through it all and when I had gone for another sonogram, the cysts shrank considerably…down to the size of a pea! One of the positive things that came out of it was that I learned an awful lot about nutrition. I was braver than I thought. So with reckless, wild abandon I pressed on. God was my only true companion. Those of us that have those experiences can say they were blessings because of what came out of it.
Thank You for sharing your story. It really touched my heart. I will keep you in my prayers. I have been through so much not just me my family as well. Today it has been 8 months since my mom passed away and tomorrow is my moms birthday. I have learned so much from all of this but I have learned never to give up. And Believe and have Faith in God.
Michele, prayers for you and your family. As I have just started reading A Confident Heart, and another bible study book called Stuck, I am learning Let go and Let God is becoming a mainstay thought in my head.
Michele,
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. It makes my problems seem so very small. Prayers go out to you for strength, hope and healing. May God bless you and your family through this difficult. time.
Michele as always I am amazed and encouraged by how your life, your obedience to write your heart for all to read, touches those places we’ve all been in one form or another. How often your words are the sound of His song over us! Praying, believing that your able to hear all the prayers being offered up as His song over you this moment.
Thank you, friend.
I love how Michelle is choosing to live in truth. Please Lord carry her through this with your strength and give her you peace and joy. We believe in your mighty power to heal. We ask for it in your holy name. Amen!
Sweet Sister stay STRONG in CHRIST.
Speaking from personal experience I lack a bit in this department, I struggle with not looking ahead on the calendar, this weekend marks the one year anniversary of my back surgery, to which i have not regained complete use of my legs from, i struggle each day to do little things we all take for granite, and time goes ticking by and healing seems like it won’t come.. so the doubt invades my body like the crippling affect of nerve damage 🙁 so all we have is that we must stay strong in Christ.
Jehovah Rapha, walk with Michele through this healing and continue to guide her with your peace, no matter how messy the pathway. Giver her grace to ask for help, and when she feels weak, show her how YOU will be her strength. Give her joy in the middle of all that is to come, and peace that passes all understanding!
Praying you will find healing, peace and comfort, Michele. My dad has been diagnosed with liver cancer, and had his first treatment today. It seems no one’s life can go untouched by cancer. Everything is going well for him so far, so I am thankful for that. I pray you will have good results also! Thanks for sharing your story, it gives me much hope and peace right now.
So true, Heather. At a recent speaking engagement, I ask anyone touched by cancer to stand up. In a room of 2,500 women, almost every person stood. As horrible as it is, it’s comforting to know we’re not alone! Father, give Heather’s father strength and courage as he goes through this journey. And heal him, in Jesus’ name!
May God grant you His peace! May you always feel His comfort and His loving presence. I pray that He makes His loving presence known to your family and gives them the peace that surpasses understanding. I attended a cousin’s funeral/celebration Wednesday. We attended school together, we played together and I even taught her to swim in the river. There was a huge crowd. Everyone who knew her loved her. She cared for everyone she met and shared God’s love with everyone. We celebrated her passage into Heaven. Many members of my family have died of cancer, two grandfathers, uncles on both sides of my family, both of my parents and many cousins. I feel blessed to have been able to take care of my parents and to help with my cousin. I pray that you have a good support group and that you beat this cancer. May God shower His blessings upon you and your loved ones every day.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I know that you are the Great Physician. Nothing is impossible for you. I pray that you will heal Michele totally and completely from this new round of cancer. In the meantime, I ask that you comfort her and her loved ones and friends and give them all strength and peace. Never let her lose hope and faith in you. We will give you the praise and glory for her healing. In Jesus name, Amen.
Praying for you Michele and trusting in Jeremiah 29:11-13 I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I know that you will be okay and God is walking this journey if you. Blessings to you, Elaine
Dear sister in Christ…I just went through this exact same thing two weeks ago. It was the waiting that was the hardest…not knowing. However I just kept holding my hand up and sang On Eagles Wings….He has you in the palm of His hands and no matter the outcome He is there with you. I will pray for you to trust in Him and feel His love and comfort in your wait time. Be on guard…during the wait time of the unknown is when satan will try to feel you with fear, doubt and wanting you to loose faith in God. Keep singing, repeating Scriptures and know you are never alone. (((Hugs)))
Hi there! My prayers go out to you! I have Lyme disease and going through all of this with everything from seizures to severe brain fog to not being able to walk at times at first made me wrestle with my faith head on. When I started searching the scriptures for promises and found the scripture he works all things together for good this has been the one I have been standing on! I have noticed going through this how he is guiding me and directing me. This may be something that the enemy has tried to beat me down with but God is using this in such a powerful way that it is making me thankful for the journey I am on!! So whenever I feel too weak to speak or in so much pain I remember this verse and I know he is molding me and making me in a way that I could have never done if I did not have to go through this! Blessings! =)
May The Great Physician grant you healing, peace, and comfort. Reading your blog was so uplifting and inspirational. This is one of my favorite Bible verses. May God keep you in the midst of the storm.
Michelle,
I am lifting you in prayer through this difficult time. Thanks for sharing your personal story and encouraging words for all of us.
31 years ago this May God took my first born, new born son to come home to Him. Matthew Joseph lived 15 days and the wait was the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I wasn’t a believer at that time but was raised in a more traditional Lutheran church. Somehow, He gave me strength (even through nightmarish tears) to pray the Lord’s Prayer and say “thy will be done” and mean it.
When we are weak, we are strong in Him. The Great Physician has His arms around you and will not fail.
Penni
Dear Michele,
I will be praying for you. For strength. For direction. For wisdom. For guidance. For mercy. For grace. For opportunity. For peace. For comfort. For provision. For healing. In stressful times, scary times, disappointing and confusing times, the only thing that helps me is praying, trusting and reading our God’s Word. When nothing else can settle my heart, I get out my Bible and start looking up every single verse I can find relating to worry and fear. I should have them all memorized by now! I read them, I write them down and pray for Him to make them real in my life and I will pray the same for you! Big hugs and praying believing God has something wonderful in store for you! God bless!
Your story stirred my heart. I have a very close friend who’s husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor several years ago. He underwent surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy and was cancer free for 18 months, God healed him as he was only given 6 months to live at diagnosis. Then last November, he also was given the news it had returned. I plan to try to get this message to her for I know it will uplift her as she struggles with each day facing the unknown as he is in treatment once again. So I pray for God’s healing, peace, and strength for you during this time as I pray for my friends also.
My thoughts and prayers are with Michelle. She is facing a fear that I face still, but have not been able to confirm. My “rare” cancer has an 80% chance of returning and spreading and I’ve not been able to see a doctor since my treatment in May 2012. I’m terrified, but have put it in God’s hands since this week I’m also dealing with the possible end of my marriage. My plate is full, but my heart is also full of God’s will for me and the fact that “all is well” because He alone is in control.
Thank you for sharing your story. I needed to be reminded not to let my worries steal my joy, my life, today. May God bless you and bring peace and healing your way!
Praying for you! I was diagnosed in 8/2010 with breast cancer. Those check ups always give me the jitters. Praying that Jehovah Rapha surrounds you with healing, peace and comfort.
Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your story with Christian sisters. It is a privilege to bring you and your needs to our Lord in prayer. Praying the Lord will hold you close in his loving arms and give you the peace that only He is able to give.
Holding you, your family, and your medical team in prayer.
Michele, I am praying that you are filled with His strength and peace in this very moment and in all of the difficult days ahead.
Today, we received some frustrating news in court regarding our foster daughter, that we hope to adopt. Although there is still hope our dreams of adding her to our family will come to fruition, I let disappointment wash over me. I began ‘undreaming’ our future together and grieving what we may lose. Thank you for reminding me that I must not put my joy on hold. We can still make memories together, which will be with us forever – even if His plan does not include us as her forever family. It’s so uncomfortable for me to not be in control, but our life does not have to end in the middle of not knowing.
Again, prayers for peace and strength.
What an incredibly inspiring honest story Michelle! I am most inspired by your statement on not putting your joy on hold. I’m going through some very trying & uncertain times right now & without going into detail … Could use some prayer as well – I do know Romans 8:28 to be true… But I must admit I have fallen to losing joy over my current situation. May God bless you & heal you- prayers!
Michele,
My not-knowing place is my adult son and my grandson. He is going thru issues with his ex because of things he has done. He hasn’t seen his son for almost 4 months and we go to court later this week. I’m struggling with not knowing how it will turn out. I’ve put my trust in God to bring all things together for good and pray everything will work out. My prayers are with you as you deal with these difficult times. Keep the joy!
Praying for strength to arise in your body and your spirit.
Michele, I prayed just now that God be with you, in a way you can “feel”-that You feel His arms around you as you walk this journey.
I found your words from your blog to be God sent. I almost cried over some problems today and mostly my physical pain was high today and when pain is high even little things bring me to the edge.
I say this b/c I want you to know that even as you are walking your own rough road, you are being used of God & have encouraged me (and I’m sure many others). You brought my mind back to God and helped me to think on what is true. May you be encouraged and blessed just as you have done for so many.
I admire you for your strength and courage to face this situation without letting it steal your joy.I to have found that you have to choose daily to be joyful, I discovered I have to face the day anyway and it does no one any good to do it with sorrow.
I pray that God showers you with His grace and peace as you go to battle, victory is yours through Jesus. Stay strong:)
Daily struggle with R A, having to face that I can not do everything I used to be able to do
Oh Michele, God will work this for good. Some you will see and some you will not even know but God does. I lost my dad to ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) back in 2006. Romans 8:28 was the verse that got us through this horrible, devastating time of our lives. We saw so much good come from our suffering as a family. My dad was able to bring people closer in their relationships with God due to just the fact how he handled himself through his illness and my mom too. Both my sister and I had life changing experiences during this period of time and you know what, we continue to even to this day. 10 years after his dx we still see and feel the good. My grandmother (dad’s mom) had a plaque with Romans 8:28 and had it in her house until she moved in with us when I was a teen, due to alzheimers. That plaque by the way was on her wall ever since my dad was a young boy growing up. Then the plaque stayed in our house until my dad passed away. Now his brother has it. My sister and I both have a plaque of our own and this verse is a beautiful reminder of the good that came from the most devastating time in our lives. Many times spiritual healing takes place in the midst of physical healing. You just keep looking up and know that God has this. He is greater than anything and remember, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31b). God bless you and your family Michele. May you feel the power of the Holy Spirit working within you. and comforting you. Much love and prayers ~Leanna
My husband was murdered just over 2 years ago and what has kept me going is a gratitude journal–remembering all the gifts God has given! thanks for your story . God gives himself in the midst of our pain–praying for you today.
Thank you for sharing ur faith and ur confidence in God. My not-knowing space is my adult child who is leaving home without looking back. Have given it to God and standing on the promises God has given us about our seed. God continue to guide u and his Spirit in u rise up in courage, boldness and confidence in what He can do. Decree health, wholeness and blessings.
I am so sorry for you on this journey, but as you said – you are NOT alone, you are NOT powerless, and you do have hope. May His peace be so real to you at this time.
Michele, you are already using your trials to fulfill your calling as the daughter of our one true king! Prayers for peace and discernment. May you continue to keep your joy and find your blessings along the way.
“The Lord is my strength and power and he maketh my pathway perfect.” II Samuel 22:33
Praying God will fill you with his strength and lay his healing hand on you, Michelle!
May the presence of The Lord surround you with peace and may the Joy of The Lord be your strength.
Thank you for sharing the how do you keep living when your world has stopped list. I have printed it out. Your words touched my heart. I have been having fears of what’s ahead with my husband dementia. I have struggled with this and your post encourage me. I pray for healing, comfort & peace for you and your family. I will also pray for wisdom for the doctors. May God continue to bless you in a mighty way <3
May God grant you the strength , peace, and courage to continue to fight and press on. Your story and all of our stories will end in victory! God bless you!
Praying Isaiah 61:1-3 over you Michelle…as did a precious girlfriend over me when my late husband suicided & wounded my soul.
Beauty for ashes & a garment of JOY for you dear sister.
As I read your story I remember the time four years ago when I was faced with the possibility of cancer. Through many tests and tears, they doctors determined I did not have cancer. Within months of finding out I did not have cancer I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I’m learning to put God in control of my health as well as all the other areas of my life and not stressing over what will happen next week, next month or even next year, but living each day as God wants me to live it and trusting him no matter what. I’m still a work in progress! God Bless you Michele for sharing your story.
Abba, ,Father, I pray for your comfort, strength, healing, and peace for Michelle. May she lean wholly on You and be surrounded by loving support. I pray for blessings to all those ministering to her, that Your spirit might lead and guide them in all their decisions. May she come through this stronger than ever in her faith and confidence in You.
I ask it in the precious name of Jesus,
Amen.
My thoughts and prayers are with Michele! The post today came at the perfect time. I am waiting for the phone call from my husband, who left last week, to tell me his decision of whether or not he wants to try to work on the marriage or get out. My heart is broken and I struggle with each of the four ways to not let him see I am scared to death and broken hearted. Thank you for the words of encouragement.