“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Prayers for you Michelle. Your faith is very uplifting! May God heal your body and keep you in his loving arms.
Praying for you Michelle. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable at such a difficult time. Your faith is encouraging and is touching many. May God continue to bring you peace and am trusting Him for your healing. Bless you sweet sister!!!
Michelle, My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. Blessings to you and your family during this time.
Michelle, all is already well. You are a testimony to so many others. Meditate on Psalm 62:1-2.
Michelle, I am praying for your complete healing. Trusting in God’s promise according to Psalm 30:2 LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Please have a peaceful afternoon resting in the comfort of God’s love.
Not to take anything away from Michele but could everyone please pray for my friend Lynn who has stage three colon cancer, I find this scary because I lost my first husband to colon cancer and did not have a clue there was even stages. So could everyone please pray for Lynn also. Thank you.
Father God, we bring Meredith’s friend, Lynn, before you. You are the Healer! The Prince of Peace! The Redeemer! I pray that you heal Lynn’s body, completely. Head to toe. I ask that you deliver a powerful and overwhelming peace she can’t explain. And I pray that you redeem her heartache and pain in ways she never dreamed possible!
I really needed this today. Our family’s home went into foreclosure and we moved out the only home our children have ever known last weekend. I have really been struggling with the “why” of this the past few weeks. Knowing that God has a purpose for this gives me such peace. Thank you for posting!
Michele I sent a prayer today for God to give more peace and to increase your faith in His word. We know his word is truth and he loves us dearly. So Lord what ever your plan is we ask that your healing touch be on Michele and that you guide her and keep her in the palm of your hand. Thank God that you hear our pleas and that your plan is great than we can ever imagine or hope for. I pray this in the name of Jesus, your son, who by his stripes we are healed.
Thank you for sharing with us all and reminding us of God’s love and faithfulness ALWAYS!!! Praying for you and your family.
Michelle,
I met your last year at our Cowgirl Get Together and was inspired by your message at this year’s event. I was encouraged with u relaying your “mouth” journey as I’m living a significant “mouth” journey too, although not cancer. The waiting at times seems forever and what will be the results and on n on. By your sharing, I’m reminded of Gods promises and finding joy in the little things. Thank you.
Michele, I am thrilled and amazed at how God is using your story. I think back to that single mom and am in awe how God has traveled with you to the place you are now. God is Good all the time and He is in Control. He has this one covered too and so do we as we pray for you, Troy and the kids. Love you, dear one. Keep writing, Keep sharing, Keep encouragin.
Michele
Oddly enough, my sweet friend Michelle was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin Type B Cell Lymphoma. So as I pray for one I will be praying for both Michelles.
I also just received some very upsetting news from my sister. So trouble surrounds us but I’m holding tight to Romans 8:28.
Sending thoughts and prayers to Michele. I know she is in good hands – HIS hands and is surrounded by the love of family and friends! This Hillsong song comes to mind:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior~Hillsong
I shared with my sister before she past that I would hold her hand until the day the Lord came for her. I shared John 10:27-30. I also took pictures of the hands of us sister’s. She knew Jesus as her savior. The love of your family & friends being with you are your strength. The best is your Savior for He is always with you. I will pray for you & hold your hand in prayer Michele, pray for comfort. You are a strong loving woman. God Bless You.
Michelle, my co-worker’s sister, Linda, shares your same story. She was just diagnosed again. As I pray for her, I will pray for you as well. My 26 year old son is also going through a major trial in his life right now and your words may be exactly what he needs to hear today. Thanks for sharing your heart and wisdom with us.
I can identify with this, and it has been one of my sustaining verses as I have dealt with my husband ending our marriage of almost 18 years. Through all of the pain, I have turned it over to God and let Him do what needed to be done in me. I have looked to the story of Joseph quite a bit as an example. If I will just let God have my circumstances, and transform me through them, He will be glorified, and work all things to my benefit. He has made me stronger, brought me unexplainable joy in the midst of what should be horrible circumstances. He has put hope in my heart. So this verse has become so foundational to me. Love it!
Father, I pray for healing, in, by, and through the name of Jesus, for this woman who loves you so much. You told us that He took the stripes for our healing, and we ask for it this day. In Jesus precious name, we pray all things. Amen.
I love the part about letting yourself be loved. This is something that I personally struggle with. I am 27 and I am a survivor or sex trafficking and childhood sexual abuse. The end of the month makes one year since I was sexually assaulted and I struggle with being loved and sharing my heart. God has been working on me though. This morning I was journaling and feeling bad about myself for being “damaged” and then I read Michele’s story and my pain no longer seems so great. My heart aches for Michele, yet I am in awe of how she is handling the news. I hope that one day I am as strong in my faith. I will pray that God continues to provide strength and comfort needed.
Praying for you. May you feel God’s loving arms of comfort and strength around you.
Allow myself to be loved; I am always feeling like I am alone; but God is with me and I need to trust that he will take care of things. I am impatient at times. and feel like I need to be in control. When I need to trust that God is in control; I need to stop worrying about tomorrow, also.