“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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May God touch you in a very special way may He bless you with much strength and put this cancer in remission you are in my prayers
Dear Michelle, I pray for your complete and total healing in Jesus name. I pray for Gods peace that passeth all understanding. Know that God is control of your life, and He is not suprised about this. God has a plan for you and He will finish what He started in you. Each day is a gift from God. Enjoy each and every day. And remember, Jehovah Rapha is our ultimate healer. He is faithful to heal you. I pray for supernatural wisdom for all your doctors and nurses. I pray for blessings upon you and your family.
Jolene Pittman
I am going through a struggle also…..I have Bulbar Onset ALS. It is a terrible disease but I am ok because I know that I am carried daily by Jesus. I feel that I cannot get enough of Jesus……I love him so much and have such faith In all his words. It is people like you that share their journey that make me say AMEN ! It allows us to,see how good our God is……He is always there for us during the good and bad times, when we are sick , not sick, when we think things are so good we “forget” to praise him and pray……He does not forget about us because he loves us so very much!!! And I agree with you that God works such beauty through everything we go through…..He has always had a plan for our lives. I know that what I go through daily is no mistake because I see God working…..it may not be all about me but others around me. If my illness is being uses to bring others closer to God I say Amen! Amen! I will pray for you that your life will continue to be one of such beauty that you will continue to find strength in His words and that you know this is not our eternal home this is just a stopover before we reach glory. I pray that you will touch so many with your journey that other will see Christ in you and will want what you have…….a personal relationship with Jesus!
Michelle even though I haven’t walked in your shoes I’ve been through the waiting, fear, dread, etc. through several health issues, including cancer. Your blog came at a perfect time for me as I’m going through another health issue & waiting on all the tests to come back. Your inspiration to continue living during this time will make a difference in my life. My prayers are with you & your family. May God give you strength & may you feel His arms wrapping you in His amazing love!!
Dear Michele, praying for God’s wisdom and to bless your health.
I have a friend going through the same as you and shared this scripture with her;
‘The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.’ Exodus 14:14
He is with you always……
The Lord bless you and keep you…
Grace
Grace, I’m wearing a t-shirt with Exodus 14:14 on it right now! Yes, He is with us ALWAYS!
That’s so cool! Praise God!
Michele, I pray for your complete and quick healing! I too suffer an “unknown” outcome of a different illness that I’ve battled for the last 5 yrs. And like you I always do the right thing in taking care of myself, yet it doesn’t seem to matter. The outcome is still not the desire of my heart. Romans 8:28 has been “my” scripture to help me not give up. Your blog has given me even more great reminders…to not let my joy be taken away! To not live in fear of the unknown! To trust God that He’s in control and will work ALL things for the good of those who love him! I recently finished Priscilla Shirer’s study of Gideon. It reminded me that God is power when I’m weak. Look at the weapons he gave to Gideon to fight the Midianites and how “out numbered” it seemed Gideon and his men were! So Michelle, I pray that you will remember that God has equipped you and your illness is the key to unlocking God’s strength! 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, and hardships, in persecutions and difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Oh sweet Michele, let God be perfect in your weakness. I pray that He will show you opportunities in your weakness to see the good He has planned with it. I will keep you in my prayers to be restored to full health and that you will know His joy and peace throughout the process. God bless! <3
I really appreciate your honesty Michele, thanks for sharing with us. Praying for peace that passes understandin
What an awesome God we have. ALL things do work together for good. Praying for your joy to be sustained! I am new to the concept…allow yourself to be loved….I have had a lot of turmoil and have had to learn to share my burdens…..I can’t do it by myself. Though I have always thought I could. God has been gracious and patient with me. The peace that comes when you believe….All things work together for the good of God!
Dear Michelle,
I am praying God will heal you quickly and that His grace will continue to be sufficient for you, that His strenght will be made perfect in your weakness.
Sadly, but truly, you are not alone in your unknowns; those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace are all too familiar to me.
As I read your list of unknowns, I was amazed to see that list is my list. In the last few months leading up to today, I have faced every single one of these circumstances in my life:
“The adult child who left home without looking back.”-My 19 year old son left in the middle of the night a few months ago and that night began my supplications for my prodigal to some day return to our family and most importantly to God. God has been doing a work in him and we are now in communication again buy I am still praying and waiting for God to restore his faith. Even though it is so hard to have faith when the evidence says the opposite, I trust God that He will do what He has promised.
“The struggling child who may never be ‘whole.'”– My 12 year old, precious daughter has epilepsy and every day I pray and wait for God to fully heal her. I long for the day she will no longer be dependent on strong medications to keep her seizure-free. It breaks my heart to see how the effects of the medication are stealing her health and I pray for The Lord to touch her and make her “whole” again. Yet, I know that though I don’t know what the future holds, I can have peace knowing that in Him, she will always be “whole” and His grace will be sufficient for her.
“The once-precious friendship that flounders.”–Just recently, one of my best friends of ten years, has betrayed my trust. It hurts to know this friendship is no longer, but I trust that God has His hand in this and that He may be removing her from my life for a reason.
“The financial predicament without a solution”–The pressure and stress of the piles of unpaid, past-due bills sitting on my desk haunts me every day. I wonder if we’ll ever be caught up and yet I praise God, He never abandons us in our needs. He is so faithful to provide even our material needs.
“The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.”–
And now my heart breaks once again, over the state of my marriage. My husband left my daughter and I just yesterday. It was a mutual agreement between him and I. Our daily arguing and the hostility that our being together brought to our home was finally too much. So now as I see my marriage of 21 years on the brink of dying, I am on my knees, still praying, still waiting for God to do a miracle in my marriage.
May the God of all grace be our strength and hope! To Him be the glory!!!
oh, Alma! So sorry to read about all these different things in your life, but blessed to read of your faith and confidence in God. May you continue to be strengthened in your inner man to keep your eyes, heart and mind fixed on Jesus and that He does work everything in a pattern for good for those are called according to his purpose. Father, God, thank You for holding Alma in your strong, loving arms during this time. May she know that peace that passes all understanding and receive Your grace for every second of every day. In jesus’ Name, Amen.
So sorry, Michele. May Jesus hold you so close to His heart that through this difficult journey you will still hear the rhythm of His faithful love for you. Thank you for sharing your story and the “ways to keep living.” I need all of them in the battle against memory triggers of past sexual abuse, chronic illness, and depression.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. To hear the word “cancer” can and does scare us to our core. I had stage 3 breast cancer and I think about it coming back daily. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I pray god’s strength and a peace that passes all understanding over you. God is still in control no matter what.
Lord Jesus, I lift up my sister in Christ to you right now. Help this dear lady. I boldly pray for miraculous healing. I know you are able and I’m so thankful you are the master physician. But Lord I am confident you will keep that bubble wrap thick! Put your people in place to love and encourage Michele through whatever she is facing. I pray she will feel your presence and see your glory today, right this minute. Jesus walk with her. Amen.
Dear Michelle – we lift you up to the most Holy One, Our creator. We pray for healing, strength, comfort and peace during this next round of treatments. We give praise and thanks for all that he has done and pray for your continued journey as he is with you every moment. In Jesus Holy and Precious Name, Amen
Prayers for you and your unknown’s. May God bless you daily with hope and healing.
I know all about unknowns. Mine is not medical but an unknown nonetheless. We all seem to fear and worry when we don’t have answers and I ask that as I pray for you that you lift my name to our Heavenly Father as well. May God’s healing touch you and heal you.
Prayers for Gods peace and wisdom to cover you in these days ahead. He is always closer than we know.
Michele: May God feel you with his presence and may you hear him whisper in your ear, trust me, I have it all under control. When human hands fail, God is There. Our prayers are with you and we ask for complete healing in God’s way, not ours.
Michelle,
He holds our future,because He lives,we can face our unknown,our future.
He knows what’s the best for me,and also for you!
All life’s turmoils and difficulties is to teach us to learn to trust Him
a little bit more, one small step every each time,so that we will grow to be spiritually mature!
Dear sister,you are favored by God to let you go through this experience
Bless you!
May the blessing of today be abundant. May you see His love in every breath you take. May you find hope and joy in His promises during this rain. May His Son shine down and His promises reveal a rainbow of peace and strength to cover your life and family. All things are possible when you rely on His strength and not our own. His strength has taken you this far, let Him show you how great He is. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Praying for God’s strength and peace for Michele!
Thank you for post. As I read this post, my 30 yr old daughter is having a biopsy. We pray for God’s intervention and the news will be good, but we know God has a plan and we will put our trust in him and hold tight to his word.
God our Healer, I pray for Kim’s daughter as she has a biopsy and then endures those oh-so-long days waiting for results. God, we ask for good results, an absence of cancer and a long, full life! We believe! While they wait, provide a consuming blanket of peace. No fear, only hope.