“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
I have a friend Ila McCall and she knows how others who have cancer feel and she wrote this:
Some days, it feels as if I am walking “through the valley of the shadow” mentioned in Psalm 23. This is not about experiencing death itself but the fear and it’s presence and possibilities looming over. Going to chemo., watching my new friends fight this battle beside me, my heart breaks to see their pain. When the well world ask them how they feel, they will say ‘fine’. When a fellow fighter asks, they will show the war wounds and tears sometimes flow. (Don’t get me wrong, there is much more laughter than tears in our chemo lab.) We are this little army of people. I draw strength from their bravery and always know not to enter as a wimp but as a warrior. I am honored to be among such greatness. My story cannot be told without saying the remainder of that verse..”I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me.” I feel HIs presence every day. He is with me. He is with us.
~I will be prayer also. Only God is our answer. No matter what we face. It is in Him, through Him and for Him all things. My heart goes out to those with cancer. My mother had cancer and I saw God through the battle. It really teaches compassion, love and hope. God bless you.
Michelle…
Thank you for sharing your story.Your insights are for all in all situations in our daily lives. The usual daily struggles are minor compared to all who are battling for their lives daily. Whether it is cancer, heart disease or other ailments that are debilitating. We pray daily for many friends, neighbors people I dont even know who are fighting cancer. Will keep u and your family in our prayers.
Lord…give Michelle the strength and courage to fight this new battle. We know u are with us always. Wrap your loving arms around her and I pray for your healing touch upon her body. Amen.
Thanks for sharing! Just what I needed to hear!
May God comfort you with His comfort Michele. Yes, He is holding you in His arms saying I still have good for you. Thanks for the reminder to live even when our world has stopped.
Praying that God’s peace will surround you and his healing will be upon you.
My husband of just over a year has spent the month of December in the hospital with punemonia and then he got pancreatitis. We are waiting on a follow-up scan of the pancreas next week. In the meantime a heart attack and three stint placements about two weeks ago. I say in the midst of our circumstances we can have joy and peace. Praying for you Michele; God does amazing things in storms of our lives. This scripture gave me some uplifting today. “This disease is not unto death,but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it. Praying for Michele!
Amen! Thanks you for sharing what I needed to hear!!!
Amen! Thanks you for sharing what I needed to hear!!!
Michele , You are not alone in your suffering! My Mother in Law Bless her heart will be 97 years young on the 19th of this month ! She too had breast cancer surgery and had been cancer free for a few years, and they did a biopsy and found more cancer , she had a 2nd surgery and has been cancer free for about 5 years now! She had to have a pacemaker put in in October! She lives alone drives to town herself and is amazing , God has truly blessed us with her! Her testimony is witness that there is hope! she is one of God’s miracles ! My prayers for you is that God will create a miracle in you as he did in my Mother in Law. Our God is Able! Ephesians 3:20
PS : Millie ( my mother-in-law) up until about 2 years ago hosted a Bible Study in her home ! She drove a couple of her friends home after the study, I remember her telling me how old her friends seemed , they were in there 70’s while she was in her early 90’s!
Choose joy Michelle for God has this! He will be walking with you every step and your story has already touched so many. Keep the faith girl and keep looking up for that is where your strength comes from.
I am ialso in a not-knowing place as we wait for biopsy of my sole son (a young adult) who was planning to go to US as he earned a scholarship for his master degree. The Lord has filled me with His peace that surpasses all understanding but it requires me to remind myself of His True and give thanks, praise Him. I am asking for His mercy on us and will also be praying for Michelle’s healing. I have been so blessed with this post. Thank You, Father
I forgot to say I am from the Dominican Republic.
Thank you Michele for reminding me of God’s Faithfulness. My husband left me after 37 yrs of marriage and 65 years of age !! Fear can cripple one and I am holding onto God’s promises that I am not alone (He has become my Husband), I am not powerless (because I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me) and I am not without hope (as long as I am a child of God – I hold onto my anchor, my hope in my Savior Jesus Christ) Thank you for sharing your faith with me as I stand in my faith, I will continue to pray for your so that our Lord Jesus Christ will be lifted up and glory and honor is due His name. Sharon
I love Michele’s reminder to tell ourselves the truth. The enemy works in many ways, not the least of which is our thought life. Telling ourselves the truth and thinking right are battles which we can win with the help of our Heavenly Father.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
May you find comfort and peace in His love.
Hugs & kisses
Love, prayers and a lot of strength being sent your way!
Yes, these moments, the times of uncertainty are overwhelming. They can be so consuming, so all encompassing. Ours right now is over the custody of our three children, my step children. We have been in court for over a year. It’s exhausting, scary and yes, requires us to move forward and live.
Cancer. It doesn’t define you, but it does change you. Your words and faith have set a new hope in my heart today. Thank you.
Praying for peace and comfort for Michele!
“Tell yourself the truth” That is what I am going to cling to today. Nearly 7 months ago, I had a simple bike accident that has now stretched out to current day and I am on a waiting list for a bone transplant. I went from being a triathlete to someone who can’t even “walk” to the car without help. Each week, I waste a few days by hitting an emotional low that I previously thought was unattainable. I try to rely on my faith and I fail. Today’s blog was just what I needed to read. I feel hopeless, powerless and alone very very often. I know that it’s not true, but deep in my heart, that’s what I feel.
Thank you for this today, I am holding on to the truth. I’m going to put some intentional time into this tonight.
Keeping you in my prayers as you walk this journey. Hold tightly to His hand and remember Romans 8:28 each day.
Thanks for sharing your burden so I can learn from you. Praying for God’s healing and peace for you.
“Today I will tell myself the truth.” I am choosing to think the best of people today.
Praying for you. God has a plan. You are not alone. I am just recently recovering from shoulder surgery, also lost my dad a few years back. I have rwin girls I have been given to raise. I pray for God to continue to work in me and bless you in your trials as well. Thank you for sharing your battle. You are not alone my friend.
My heart cries out because I’m sitting here worrying about where money is going to come from to feed my children and put gas in the vehicles when your sweet friend is dealing with the worst thing ever. My mother had cancer too and it was one of the toughest things our family dealt with growing up. I do remember the faith she had and the hope that she clung to. Because of her strong faith in the Lord, I knew that God had a bigger plan for her. Renee, the Lord is in control and your sweet friend knows that and only He can give her that peace to move forward and keep going. I pray right now for the Lord to continue to give her his comforting peace and love.
I know that I am in need of all four of the words of comfort today. We are children’s and creative pastors and are struggling today. I was laid off in June of last year and wasn’t able to recover from that. My husband an I are trying our hardest to keep from filing bankruptcy. Our tax refund was garnished because I was unable to pay on my student loans and they went in to default. The tax refund is what was going to help us until we were able to somewhat get our feet back on the ground. Not knowing where the money will come from scares me to pieces but also is a constant reminder to trust in the Lord with all my soul and to give it to him. Our brakes on our van needs to be replaced and we were hoping to do that with our refund. To make matters seem worse, our checking account is negative and our house payment is past due by two months. I know that Daddy God doesn’t put you through more than you can not handle. I’m also full aware that those whose hearts are in the ministry will be attacked more by the enemy! I love my God, my church, my family, and the children and their families that we minister to. I know where we are supposed to be and feel it’s all part of His divine plan. I know that there will be a blessing beyond words to happen from this. I am constantly in prayer about it and want to be an example for our two young children. It’s so tough right now but I am pulling for a FULL recovery Michele!!!! I know that our God is a miracle maker. He will heal you in Jesus’ name! God healed my momma of her cancer by taking her home to be at peace with Him. I know you have this beat because you’re a warrior!!!!
Renee keep us posted please.
This scripture is my constant reminder to always be thankful. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Michelle,
I pray that God brings complete and total healing and restoration to your body. I pray He brings you and your loved ones comfort during this time and uses this trial to bring glory to His name! I stand with you in agreement that He works all things together for good. Lots of love.
And I’m sorry I misspelled your name Michele.
Michelle, as you continue this journey I Pray for healing and peace and I rejoice that you are choosing life. So often when we go thru these trials its hard to do that. For 3 months I have been fighting another health issue and felt at times like it was just over. I was reading Beyond Tuesday Morning and the main character brings out that we do have choices and that God is always with us. I began to ask for peace and help to choose life and I know now that he is with me. The peace and love makes it a bit easier to accept the unknown. Thank you for sharing!
I believe with all my heart God is using your experience FOR THE GOOD of helping others thru difficult times, too! Your message has truly touched my heart today. I also have difficulty not allowing fear to sneak in during trials. I am scheduled for a shoulder replacement surgery and have been very afraid. After reading your story I felt ashamed of myself. God IS IN CONTROL of both our situations!!! HE will watch over us. Of this I have no doubt! Thank you for sharing your story! God bless you!
Michele,
Thank you for sharing your story and for putting it in print for others to see. Thank you for your courage and boldness in making it public. Praying that God will use the story that He has given you to draw others closer to Himself. Praying that God will direct others to your story that maybe in need of Jesus and His grace. Praying that God will glorify Himself in and through your struggles and your healing. Praying for wisdom and skill for the doctors and medical staff that will be treating you. Praying for that perfect healing treatment plan. Praying for God to bring encouragers and pray-ers into your presence as you place one foot in front of the other along this journey. Praying encouragement and love for your family and friends as they come alongside you and minister to you. Make He meet you each and every hour of every day at your point of need. Praying for God to flood you with His peace, His presence and His grace as you face each day in this journey.
Praying that He will honor and glorify Himself in and through you and your story as you share with others. May He touch hearts for His kingdom purposes in and through you and in and through your testimony for Him.
Praying for patience, grace and mercy as you go through each test, each medical procedure, each blood test, each doctor’s appointment, each surgery, each treatment and everything that is associated with your diagnosis and treatment.
Praying for your eyes and heart to be lifted towards Him as you focus on Him and not yourself. Praying the same for your family.
And praying these verses over you from Ephesians:
My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. (Ephesians 3:14-21, The Message).
I need to learn not to worry and get ahead of the calendar. Trusting God in every situation. For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind. Praying for Gods healing touch over Michele.
Reading this today was so timely and helpful to me. I’m also in a “not knowing place” although not a health one. The four ways to keep going when everything stops is such a good reminder ! I’ve struggled with each but not getting ahead of the calendar is what keeps me shackled with worry lately. Thanks for reminding me to unshackle myself.
I pray that our omniscient and omnipotent Lord of all creation hear our cries. I pray for your healing. Thank you for your testimony.
May God Bless you and keep you. Praying for you!
So sorry for Michele’s diagnosis….I have a heavy heart since my husband is in a similar situation. I have to not worry…but that in God’s hands but I also need to let go of the calendar. Eddie was to have knee surgery but a mass was found in his lungs from his pre-op chest x-ray. Knee surgery was cancelled since the doctors feel like the mass needs to be biopsied. We see the surgeon tomorrow and then a biopsy will be scheduled and then the wait for results and then….
Praying for you; that you get some good answers in regards to treatment. Don’t panic; be proactive. Some day, after you have kicked cancer’s butt again, you will look back and laugh and marvel at what you have learned during this ordeal. He really does work things for our good. We might not see that now , but this too shall pass. Keep your chin up!
I also am a breast cancer survivor for almost 12 years. I feel God’s calling to write of that and other things that have happened in my life. Michele, your writing is so beautiful and I hope that I can write as you do to inspire other women to trust in God’s goodness and mercy. I am praying for you now.
Holy cow!!! Right after I type this I am sending it to a great friend today. She is right smack dab in the middle of wondering if her ovarian cancer is back. She is having those similar symptoms as before. We talked about it today and she has a fear but she is on the brink of being ok too. I am going to browse your artwork because I believe she needs it as a reminder! Thanks and prayers for you.
Praying for you, Michele, for peace & healing, and that this will be worked out for good. We lost my grandmother to brain cancer almost 4 years ago, less than 4 months from her diagnosis. It was a shock to lose her, and so difficult to watch her suffer, especially the last few weeks, as she was in such good health before. We are still struggling with the whys, but are finally at a spot in our lives where we have found peace with it being God’s will, part of his plan, and that every person on this earth has a purpose, in life & in death. We may not know it yet, but we know He does & that is good enough for us. Romans 8:28 has become our family motto as we’ve death with all the fallout from her death, and all the struggles our family has gone through the last few years. We would feel so blessed to win this as its really something we couldn’t afford, but would love to have in our home to remid us that God will work out everything we’re going through for good, just in his time, not ours. God bless!
Prayers for a God to surround you in His love, and fill you with His peace.
I am walking though something that I have been STUCK IN FOR YEARS. Why me? Why can’t God just remove the struggle and idol of food from me? Well. It must be because He has OTHER PLANS that will WORK OUT FOR HIS GOOD AND HIS GLORY. Instead of removing the trial, He will walk me (and you) THROUGH our trials. We will come out in the other side VICTORIOUS and He will get all of the glory.
In His love,
xoxo
Michele–prayers for strength, peace, and healing during this tough time.
God Bless,
Erica, Lee, Isaiah and Leah Norris
My sweet sweet sister, I so know your limbo. I have a benign lump in my breast and have been diagnosed BRCA1. I am currently in my own limbo waiting on the lumpectomy next week. We will then schedule the double mastectomy and hysterectomy. I know that our Heavenly Papa has chosen us to walk this journey for His good and His testimony. I cling to Isaiah 41:10 when the fear starts to invade and I know that He upholds ALL of His promises. It may not be an easy journey we have been chosen for, but He will be right beside us. Be brave, be strong and know you are loved and prayed for.
Thank you for sharing your story. I too have learned that sharing the hard places allows God to work in ways we never would have figured out for ourselves.
My hard place is I’m going to court tomorrow to find out what the mediator is recommending for custody time share for my 10 year old son. I know God is in control, he hates injustice, he hates violence. I know it will all be according to his plan. The HARD part is accepting his plan may not look like what I think the best case scenario is.
I will pray for you. I’m sorry.
Michele, I pray that you will feel the Father’s arms as he wraps them around you, and his strength as he holds you up through all that is ahead. I think the most important thing I would need to remember is to tell myself the truth.. DO NOT listen to Satan’s lies. He whispers them in our weakest moments and instills fear where there should be none. We KNOW who is in control. Get away Satan, you are a liar! No matter what comes, God will be the victor. May all glory go to him. I will continue to lift you in prayer dear Michele.
When I am in a tough place, I have found that looking for the joy around me is what makes me snap out of my negative thoughts. Looking at the sunrise with all the colors of pink and purple; watching a young mother with a newborn and remembering my two at that age; seeing a couple together acting as if they are the only ones in the room and only have eyes for each other; and I can go on and on. By looking at the glory that God has put in front of us, we can see it’s beauty. This is how I have started picking myself up and willing myself to realize that God is always there around us if we just take the time to look 🙂
Michele,
God is good in all situations even when we can’t see what his plan or next step is. This is where faith comes in. God will ALWAYS be by our side. No matter what we are enduring. I will be praying for you and your family. Stay strong.
Michele, you are in my thoughts and prayers right now. Amazing how your story put my fears in perspective again. Please know that the Lord is using you… as you walk this journey …. AND that you are blessing the lives of others. Also know that you are being lifted up… sisters around the world are praying with and for you. I hope you can feel the arms wrap around you.
Blessings!
Kristi
Cancer is an ugly thing. But, it doesn’t mean your life is over. It doesn’t mean our still can’t take care of your family and friends or do what you were called to do. I consider cancer decidedly inconvenient. My mother had cancer… and I go in for testing in a few days. And as scared and fearful as you may be, rejoice and know that He is with you and you have His love pouring on you. In all things, be to His glory. I will be praying for you and thinking of you!
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. It’s a hard one, but so very necessary! Thanks for posting this today. I needed to see it.
Prayers for peace and strength! Thanks for all you do! 🙂
Thank you, dear Jada!
Lifting you up in prayer, Michelle!!! Gods got this!!!!
Tears, prayers, and peace
Michele, I’m praying for your strength to fight this! I know it’s frustrating, but God does have a plan. You never know who your story is helping. Someone that may not have the strength or faith to get through whatever it is they are going through may hear your words about the journey you are experiencing now. This may be what they need in order to move forward. Be strong, I know it’s very frustrating feeling like everything is out of your control….hand it all over to God and keep your faith strong, and He will be right by your side through this whole thing. 🙂 I’ve been fighting cancer for 15 yrs now, have proved many many doctors wrong…a few of them have told me I wouldn’t make it. But here I am…still fighting it and also thanking God for everyday that He allows me to wake up. I have my good days and my bad days…but God is Great, all the time!! Big Hugs…you got this!!
Dearest Michelle,
I am praying for you. Cancer is such a scary thing. Thank God you are aware of the special gifts that you are given. I too have had some less than favorable health news and I struggle so hard find Him.
Hugs,
Halona
Michele, I pray God is present with you every day as he s with all medical staff. I know He is in your heart… I too am a cancer survivor… scary time, but I know asking God to give me what I needed every day and for my family to understand my need for positiveness and normaility led me to a deeper trust in God than I ever had… your strength to face this again is amazing.. I will join you in prayers for your health… .
Praying!