“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
Is this just a scripture or is a promise?? I choose promise. Stand on it, Michelle!!
Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. Matthew 9:35
Praying for peace in comfort.Place your trust in the great creator. He will give you the grace when you need it. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Sweetest name I know.
Scary stuff to deal with. Praying for peace as you deal with this.
Oh Michelle’s story struck a cord with me….I, too, am a breast cancer survivor and I hung onto Romans 8:28 EVERYDAY. Through ever chemo. Sweet Michelle….God has you in the palm of His Hands and yes, He truly is working all things for your good. As hard as that is to fathom, He is. Another favorite verse, and one that comforted me was…..”all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one came to be.” Psalm 139:16. Michelle….I pray that this verse too, would give you comfort as you rest in the knowledge that although God doesn’t give us cancer, He did know that this is where you’d be on your journey. He is with you and loves you. Sweet blessings, my “sister!”
Romans 15:13 (HCSB) “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Praying this for you
Exactly the words I needed to read. Thank you, Alisa.
Michele, I am really sorry that the results weren’t what you expected, hoped or prayed for. But your rest in our Jesus blesses me greatly. I tend to want to give up so easily. My struggle has been believing the Truth vs. my feelings. Thank you for reminding me God is faithful, dependable and always loving. I pray that He will display His love for you in a personal way today that thoroughly thrills you.
Me too, Priscilla. Too often I allow my feelings to trump the truth. This is so difficult for me! I’ve learned I have to write down truths to literally rehease, out loud, again and again until it drowns out the fear. The 3 truths I hang on to more than any others are these (based on a study I did of Exodus 14:14):
(1) God’s presence is with me
(2) God’s power will carry me
(3) God’s glory will thrill me!
I pray this encourages you, too!
What a great reminder for us all! God is good even when we don’t understand his plans.
Father God I bring Michele before your throne. Father, I thank you so much for Michele and her willingness to be transparent in this journey. Lord, we know not what you have planned, but we do know you are with Michele and LOVE her. Father, I ask that you remind her hourly, daily and for as long as this goes on, how much you love her, and are with her. I pray for Michele to feel your presence. I pray that Michele can see the blessings you plant along our path each night as you are watching over us as we rest. I pray for the peace that passes all understanding for Michele, her friends and her family. God, give her doctors Godly wisdom and discernment. Be with Michele and her family as she makes decisions on her care. Thank you Father for Michele. In Jesus name.
Yes, Father God. Make it so!
{thank you, dear Lynne. a beautiful prayer. grateful.}
I know if each of us could make the pain of this horrible disease go away we would today. Your strength helps others who are facing huge obstacles. I know God is with you and you do too. I hope that strength for you also comes in the form of women sharing their faith and hope for your healing. Strength is found in reading God’s word. I pray for your peacefulness and strength as you face this obstacle again. “God please be with Michele and her family. Grant your strength and healing to be with her and let her know each of us put your loving arms around her for we deeply care for her and her family”. in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Michele, I have been praying for you. Thank you for your example. I doubt you woke up one day and thought, “Bring it on, God – I want to be a good example of faith!” And yet, you are. I am struck by how this attitude in me would banish the fear of the “what if’s”. Why should I worry, if God has me locked securely in His arms no matter what? I know lots of people are praying for you. Today, I will pray specifically for God to take away all fear in your heart. And tomorrow I’ll pray for your children and your husband not to be afraid. And I’ll just keep on praying for you each day. Bless you, Michele.
Wow! This is so moving. Thank you very much for sharing it. I needed to read these four things as I continue to deal with my hard-to-understand/communicate with beautiful 17 year old daughter. What Michele is going through must be so much more difficult. Father God, Thank you for Michele and her heart to share what’s going on with her. Please wrap Your strong, loving arms around her and under-gird her as she goes through this different time. I pray for peace for her and her family, comfort and rest for her. Most importantly, I pray for wholeness by the stripes Jesus bore, and also wisdom for her, her family and the physician(s) treating her. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
My God grant you strength for your journey ahead…May he send peace and a support system that will in turn be God’s warm embrace.
Peace and every good.
Dear Michele, my prayers are with you as you walk through the Valley of Uncertainty. This is my prayer for you: ” Remember your word to your servant (Michele), for you have given me (Michele) hope. My (Michele’s) comfort in my (her) suffering is this: Your promise preserves my (Michele’s) life. ” Ps. 119:49-50. Praise be to God that you don’t walk this path alone! He is always with you and you have the support of all your sisters in the Lord. Love & Peace to you. Gloria
Michele
My prayers and thoughts are with you on this journey that you don’t walk alone. May HIS peace be with you this day and each day forward.
Blessings and hugs, Julie
God Bless you Michele on this journey. Thank you and Renee for sharing your faith walk. Your story has come at just the right time. My one and only sister has recently found out the she has malignant tumor in a breast. Her surgery is scheduled for March 18th. When I saw the title of this entry I knew I would find truth; as I do believe “He works {all things} together for good”. By God’s Promise – we are never alone. And by our Faith we have Hope.
God Bless each and every woman here, her family, her friends to trust that God is beside you, holding you every step of the way. Love and Prayers to all.
May God give you an everlasting peace, and embrace you with His loving arms. Praying for you.
Beautiful vulnerable testimony… Thanks for sharing. Praying for her now.
Prayers for peace and healing. God has you on His hands
Michelle, I prayed for you as I read Renee’s post and all these wonderful comments. I will pray for greater faith for you as you face this detour. I remember the words in a hymn, “But I long to rise in the arms of faith and be closer drawn to Thee”… The loving arms of faith in Jesus will enfold you and give comfort in the midst of fears and give you peace. Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love, shatter hope, corrode faith, destroy peace, kill friendship, invade the soul, steal eternal life, or conquer the Spirit. Through God’s strength He will help you to love, laugh, hold on to joy, hope, dream, believe and rest in His love for whatever journey His good will has for you.
Michelle – I am a breast cancer survivor. I never felt closer to God than when I was going through all the surgeries. It is a blessing to know that God is always there beside you through it all. He will use it for good. It’s just we may not know what good he uses it for. I still do not know what good it was used for in my case, but I know that God does, and that’s all that matters. May God’s peace stay with you always. hugs and prayers . . .
Prayers for you Michelle. Your faith is very uplifting! May God heal your body and keep you in his loving arms.
Praying for you Michelle. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable at such a difficult time. Your faith is encouraging and is touching many. May God continue to bring you peace and am trusting Him for your healing. Bless you sweet sister!!!
Michelle, My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. Blessings to you and your family during this time.
Michelle, all is already well. You are a testimony to so many others. Meditate on Psalm 62:1-2.
Michelle, I am praying for your complete healing. Trusting in God’s promise according to Psalm 30:2 LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. Please have a peaceful afternoon resting in the comfort of God’s love.
Not to take anything away from Michele but could everyone please pray for my friend Lynn who has stage three colon cancer, I find this scary because I lost my first husband to colon cancer and did not have a clue there was even stages. So could everyone please pray for Lynn also. Thank you.
Father God, we bring Meredith’s friend, Lynn, before you. You are the Healer! The Prince of Peace! The Redeemer! I pray that you heal Lynn’s body, completely. Head to toe. I ask that you deliver a powerful and overwhelming peace she can’t explain. And I pray that you redeem her heartache and pain in ways she never dreamed possible!
I really needed this today. Our family’s home went into foreclosure and we moved out the only home our children have ever known last weekend. I have really been struggling with the “why” of this the past few weeks. Knowing that God has a purpose for this gives me such peace. Thank you for posting!
Michele I sent a prayer today for God to give more peace and to increase your faith in His word. We know his word is truth and he loves us dearly. So Lord what ever your plan is we ask that your healing touch be on Michele and that you guide her and keep her in the palm of your hand. Thank God that you hear our pleas and that your plan is great than we can ever imagine or hope for. I pray this in the name of Jesus, your son, who by his stripes we are healed.
Thank you for sharing with us all and reminding us of God’s love and faithfulness ALWAYS!!! Praying for you and your family.
Michelle,
I met your last year at our Cowgirl Get Together and was inspired by your message at this year’s event. I was encouraged with u relaying your “mouth” journey as I’m living a significant “mouth” journey too, although not cancer. The waiting at times seems forever and what will be the results and on n on. By your sharing, I’m reminded of Gods promises and finding joy in the little things. Thank you.
Michele, I am thrilled and amazed at how God is using your story. I think back to that single mom and am in awe how God has traveled with you to the place you are now. God is Good all the time and He is in Control. He has this one covered too and so do we as we pray for you, Troy and the kids. Love you, dear one. Keep writing, Keep sharing, Keep encouragin.
Michele
Oddly enough, my sweet friend Michelle was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin Type B Cell Lymphoma. So as I pray for one I will be praying for both Michelles.
I also just received some very upsetting news from my sister. So trouble surrounds us but I’m holding tight to Romans 8:28.
Sending thoughts and prayers to Michele. I know she is in good hands – HIS hands and is surrounded by the love of family and friends! This Hillsong song comes to mind:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior~Hillsong
I shared with my sister before she past that I would hold her hand until the day the Lord came for her. I shared John 10:27-30. I also took pictures of the hands of us sister’s. She knew Jesus as her savior. The love of your family & friends being with you are your strength. The best is your Savior for He is always with you. I will pray for you & hold your hand in prayer Michele, pray for comfort. You are a strong loving woman. God Bless You.
Michelle, my co-worker’s sister, Linda, shares your same story. She was just diagnosed again. As I pray for her, I will pray for you as well. My 26 year old son is also going through a major trial in his life right now and your words may be exactly what he needs to hear today. Thanks for sharing your heart and wisdom with us.
I can identify with this, and it has been one of my sustaining verses as I have dealt with my husband ending our marriage of almost 18 years. Through all of the pain, I have turned it over to God and let Him do what needed to be done in me. I have looked to the story of Joseph quite a bit as an example. If I will just let God have my circumstances, and transform me through them, He will be glorified, and work all things to my benefit. He has made me stronger, brought me unexplainable joy in the midst of what should be horrible circumstances. He has put hope in my heart. So this verse has become so foundational to me. Love it!
Father, I pray for healing, in, by, and through the name of Jesus, for this woman who loves you so much. You told us that He took the stripes for our healing, and we ask for it this day. In Jesus precious name, we pray all things. Amen.
I love the part about letting yourself be loved. This is something that I personally struggle with. I am 27 and I am a survivor or sex trafficking and childhood sexual abuse. The end of the month makes one year since I was sexually assaulted and I struggle with being loved and sharing my heart. God has been working on me though. This morning I was journaling and feeling bad about myself for being “damaged” and then I read Michele’s story and my pain no longer seems so great. My heart aches for Michele, yet I am in awe of how she is handling the news. I hope that one day I am as strong in my faith. I will pray that God continues to provide strength and comfort needed.
Praying for you. May you feel God’s loving arms of comfort and strength around you.
Allow myself to be loved; I am always feeling like I am alone; but God is with me and I need to trust that he will take care of things. I am impatient at times. and feel like I need to be in control. When I need to trust that God is in control; I need to stop worrying about tomorrow, also.
May God touch you in a very special way may He bless you with much strength and put this cancer in remission you are in my prayers
Dear Michelle, I pray for your complete and total healing in Jesus name. I pray for Gods peace that passeth all understanding. Know that God is control of your life, and He is not suprised about this. God has a plan for you and He will finish what He started in you. Each day is a gift from God. Enjoy each and every day. And remember, Jehovah Rapha is our ultimate healer. He is faithful to heal you. I pray for supernatural wisdom for all your doctors and nurses. I pray for blessings upon you and your family.
Jolene Pittman
I am going through a struggle also…..I have Bulbar Onset ALS. It is a terrible disease but I am ok because I know that I am carried daily by Jesus. I feel that I cannot get enough of Jesus……I love him so much and have such faith In all his words. It is people like you that share their journey that make me say AMEN ! It allows us to,see how good our God is……He is always there for us during the good and bad times, when we are sick , not sick, when we think things are so good we “forget” to praise him and pray……He does not forget about us because he loves us so very much!!! And I agree with you that God works such beauty through everything we go through…..He has always had a plan for our lives. I know that what I go through daily is no mistake because I see God working…..it may not be all about me but others around me. If my illness is being uses to bring others closer to God I say Amen! Amen! I will pray for you that your life will continue to be one of such beauty that you will continue to find strength in His words and that you know this is not our eternal home this is just a stopover before we reach glory. I pray that you will touch so many with your journey that other will see Christ in you and will want what you have…….a personal relationship with Jesus!
Michelle even though I haven’t walked in your shoes I’ve been through the waiting, fear, dread, etc. through several health issues, including cancer. Your blog came at a perfect time for me as I’m going through another health issue & waiting on all the tests to come back. Your inspiration to continue living during this time will make a difference in my life. My prayers are with you & your family. May God give you strength & may you feel His arms wrapping you in His amazing love!!
Dear Michele, praying for God’s wisdom and to bless your health.
I have a friend going through the same as you and shared this scripture with her;
‘The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.’ Exodus 14:14
He is with you always……
The Lord bless you and keep you…
Grace
Grace, I’m wearing a t-shirt with Exodus 14:14 on it right now! Yes, He is with us ALWAYS!
That’s so cool! Praise God!
Michele, I pray for your complete and quick healing! I too suffer an “unknown” outcome of a different illness that I’ve battled for the last 5 yrs. And like you I always do the right thing in taking care of myself, yet it doesn’t seem to matter. The outcome is still not the desire of my heart. Romans 8:28 has been “my” scripture to help me not give up. Your blog has given me even more great reminders…to not let my joy be taken away! To not live in fear of the unknown! To trust God that He’s in control and will work ALL things for the good of those who love him! I recently finished Priscilla Shirer’s study of Gideon. It reminded me that God is power when I’m weak. Look at the weapons he gave to Gideon to fight the Midianites and how “out numbered” it seemed Gideon and his men were! So Michelle, I pray that you will remember that God has equipped you and your illness is the key to unlocking God’s strength! 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, and hardships, in persecutions and difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Oh sweet Michele, let God be perfect in your weakness. I pray that He will show you opportunities in your weakness to see the good He has planned with it. I will keep you in my prayers to be restored to full health and that you will know His joy and peace throughout the process. God bless! <3
I really appreciate your honesty Michele, thanks for sharing with us. Praying for peace that passes understandin
What an awesome God we have. ALL things do work together for good. Praying for your joy to be sustained! I am new to the concept…allow yourself to be loved….I have had a lot of turmoil and have had to learn to share my burdens…..I can’t do it by myself. Though I have always thought I could. God has been gracious and patient with me. The peace that comes when you believe….All things work together for the good of God!
Dear Michelle,
I am praying God will heal you quickly and that His grace will continue to be sufficient for you, that His strenght will be made perfect in your weakness.
Sadly, but truly, you are not alone in your unknowns; those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace are all too familiar to me.
As I read your list of unknowns, I was amazed to see that list is my list. In the last few months leading up to today, I have faced every single one of these circumstances in my life:
“The adult child who left home without looking back.”-My 19 year old son left in the middle of the night a few months ago and that night began my supplications for my prodigal to some day return to our family and most importantly to God. God has been doing a work in him and we are now in communication again buy I am still praying and waiting for God to restore his faith. Even though it is so hard to have faith when the evidence says the opposite, I trust God that He will do what He has promised.
“The struggling child who may never be ‘whole.'”– My 12 year old, precious daughter has epilepsy and every day I pray and wait for God to fully heal her. I long for the day she will no longer be dependent on strong medications to keep her seizure-free. It breaks my heart to see how the effects of the medication are stealing her health and I pray for The Lord to touch her and make her “whole” again. Yet, I know that though I don’t know what the future holds, I can have peace knowing that in Him, she will always be “whole” and His grace will be sufficient for her.
“The once-precious friendship that flounders.”–Just recently, one of my best friends of ten years, has betrayed my trust. It hurts to know this friendship is no longer, but I trust that God has His hand in this and that He may be removing her from my life for a reason.
“The financial predicament without a solution”–The pressure and stress of the piles of unpaid, past-due bills sitting on my desk haunts me every day. I wonder if we’ll ever be caught up and yet I praise God, He never abandons us in our needs. He is so faithful to provide even our material needs.
“The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.”–
And now my heart breaks once again, over the state of my marriage. My husband left my daughter and I just yesterday. It was a mutual agreement between him and I. Our daily arguing and the hostility that our being together brought to our home was finally too much. So now as I see my marriage of 21 years on the brink of dying, I am on my knees, still praying, still waiting for God to do a miracle in my marriage.
May the God of all grace be our strength and hope! To Him be the glory!!!
oh, Alma! So sorry to read about all these different things in your life, but blessed to read of your faith and confidence in God. May you continue to be strengthened in your inner man to keep your eyes, heart and mind fixed on Jesus and that He does work everything in a pattern for good for those are called according to his purpose. Father, God, thank You for holding Alma in your strong, loving arms during this time. May she know that peace that passes all understanding and receive Your grace for every second of every day. In jesus’ Name, Amen.
So sorry, Michele. May Jesus hold you so close to His heart that through this difficult journey you will still hear the rhythm of His faithful love for you. Thank you for sharing your story and the “ways to keep living.” I need all of them in the battle against memory triggers of past sexual abuse, chronic illness, and depression.