“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Michele,
God loves you with an everlasting love and he is tenderly orchestrating the things that He is allowing into your life right now. He is working something even more beautiful in your life. Trust Him with all your heart. Your tears will be the dew that refreshes and brings forth life to many others who observe what the Lord is doing in and through you.
Gracious Heavenly Father,
I ask you right now to surround Michele with an heavenly atmosphere of your spiritual light and peace. Assure her that You will never leave her or forsake her and that you are working something even more beautiful in her life. Give her hope in You and encourage her faith. Bless her with loving support from family and friends as she walks this journey. And give her tokens of Your love along the way. I ask this Father, in Jesus precious name. Amen.
Praying for God’s peace and guidance for Michele.
If you would chose my name to win Emily’s give away a Romans 8:28 framed canvas, please give it to Michele as she could look at it and know that everyone reading this blog lifted prayers.
Bless you, Sheryl. What a beautiful heart you have. Just these words touched me, friend. Thank you.
Acknowledging fear’s lies is so powerful! God is always with me. I am loved by family and friends. God has the power. God offers hope through his word and his love. Praying for you, Michele.
Amazing, how some can be so strong. I really appreciated don’t jump ahead on the calendar.
Live in today!
Thank you for your words today. They really touched my heart.
My struggles pale in comparison, but I have to choose to live each day as it comes without the worry of what tomorrow might bring.
Prayers your way
Praying that God’s healing power, peace, comfort and hope envelope you, Michelle, through this challenging time and always.
You are in my prayers
Saying prayers.
Michele,
I want you to know that although this may look or sound bad with God it is never what it looks like here on earth. He already has you healed by every stripe that was on his back. Continue to look at all the wonderful and miraculous signs and wonders that he has already shown you. That always seems to get me through to the blessing waiting on the other side because there is one. God never takes us through anything with out His purpose, His love, and the blessing of His presence being right there with us through it ALL. I know in my heart that this is another special invite for you to grow closer to him in the sweetness of his presence and when this battle is won and you see that the victory is yours you will look back at what He has done and you will know that truly He works all things together for our good. Peace, love and joy in the Holy Spirit is what my prayers will be for you continuously. Please keep us posted. I am not coming off the wall until I know you are your best self yet! Jonava Johnson
My heart breaks for you, Michele. I am praying that God will heal you, again!! I truly believe everything happens for a reason – God has plans for you!!
Praying for peace as God’s mighty hand covers & holds you today! To our mighty Creator, all things are possible & you are so very precious to Him! I will keep you in my prayers …. Please keep me updated!
I myself have been in the “waiting for biopsy results” three times now. Every mammogram puts me back in that place of waiting on God for the results. I, like Michelle, have found that peace of God that feels like bubble wrap around my heart (love that term by the way). Praying for Michele and the path that lays before her. May God go before you and give you His strength.
Michelle, We may not understand God’s plans, but remember, His ways are not are ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. More importantly, His plans are never to harm us. You will have an awsome testimony when this is over. Your story of triumph and courage will help another person who is going through this. Your faithfulness will draw others to the mighty God we serve! You do not stand alone, my sister! I am praying for you and I hope you can feel this cyber hug! God bless you, Michelle!
Thank you so much Michelle for your words of encouragement even in the middle of this storm. I pray that His healing power will be in you to restore your body and to shine through you just as it’s doing right now to many others. May His power and glory be revealed in and through you.
Love you. God blesses you.
Last week as I was listening to Beth Moore she was teaching on the parable of the wheat and the weed and how the trials we go through right now are the testimony to prove the world we are true followers of Christ! She said our job is to endure them in Him! He’s faithful and powerful in all He does! He cured you once He will do it again. You are stronger now and will be even stronger! Purified as gold!
Lifting you up in prayer for our precious Savior to wrap you in his loving arms!
Michele,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. The words you have feared to hear have now been heard and you are such a brave and strong woman for this. God has a plan and He will never let you down. Your witness shines brightly to all who know you and know of you. Do not be discouraged and lean wholly on Him – He knows, He loves, He cares and He alone has the power to take care of all of this. I love the four paragraphs of how to live on when your world has stopped – read these over and over they are great! “Our God is greater …. our God is stronger …. God you are higher than any other ….Our God is HEALER … awesome in power …..” We all eagerly await that day when there will be no more pain or sorrow or suffering and we will be forever with the Lord. Meanwhile on this earth you are His servant and witness and He alone will help you accomplish His will. With Christian Love, Sarah
When we lost our beautiful 18-year-old daughter in an automobile accident almost five years ago, I thought I would die from grief. But I know God’s plan is perfect and I have seen so much positive come from her too brief years here on this earth. He has sustained me in so many ways both through the natural and through things that could only be considered ‘God’ things. Prayers for you Michele that you will continue to be a testimony to God’s faithfulness to us, even through our darkest days.
Oh, Megan. Is there anything more horrific than losing a child? My heart breaks with yours. Thank you for sharing the beauty that has come from your ashes. You give us all courage and hope!
My best friend went through a double mastectomy three years ago. I felt helpless as we were losing my mom, laid off and having to move for a job. But God! Praying for you, Michelle, for God to cover you with His loving mercy and healing balm. Praying also for your family and friends, that God’s peace and mercy will cover them as they love and support you, no matter where they are. Heavenly Father, give grace to Michelle, her family and friends and all the medical staff. Amen!