“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Praying for peace for a 3 year old little boy.. Tyler…Waiting on results this week to rule out possibly leukemia. Praying for his momma, daddy, & nana.. What a great peace we can receive from God, just by leaning on HIM..
Michelle, you are such an inspiration!!!! As I face another custody battle to protect my daughter, your words of encouragement help to lift me up. I pray for Gods peace you surround you!!!!
Praying that you will know that God is with you – Holding your hand with His Righteous Right Hand. The Lord will bless you and keep you; that the Lord will make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; and May the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26
Praying for you Michelle. Your words resonate to strongly with me, as I am battling cancer myself and preparing for a stem cell transplant. I’ve many, many times gone back to the truth of God works “all things” for good, and understanding in a whole new way what “all things” can mean. He is a good, holy and loving God and we are in the best hands possible. And we will always continue to pray boldly for total healing, and ultimately for His glory. Take care.
Yes, exactly Paula. Only these ripping, heart-wrenching places help us to understand what “all things” can truly mean. Father God, I pray for Paula, for her strength and totaly healing, in Jesus’ name. But I also pray that you would open her eyes to see—with delight!—the many ways you are bring beauty and holiness to even this!
Praying for you Michele, that you may have the peace and comfort that only He can provide in this scary time. I too had that feeling of waiting for biopsy results and it was so scary. A friend sent me the words I needed to hear, which brought me hope until I heard the results. I’m praying that you have a steady stream of friends and angels to bring you words and actions of hope as you forge through your journey of healing. Thank you for sharing your story and being an example of trusting His plan for us.
Thank you, Mary. I know you “get” it. I do have a strong, faithful circle of praying friends, Renee Swope being one of the best of them. God is providing abundance, even in the unwanted!
Thank you for your openness and candor. Your words are the thoughts of so many including myself but so often go unspoken. The fear of the unknown and the guilt of second guessing is paralyzing at times. Sometimes I simply claim “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isa. 40:31. I know at times I am soaring with some banged up wings but He is faithful to keeping me flying. Praying for God’s strength and comfort as you continue to soar here or into His arms.
Today you do not stand alone! Today is full of JOY! Today you are strong! Today is your day, live it, use it, remember it and record it. Each and everyday holds treasure, Holy Spirit reveal them! Today the Father loves you just as He allows has.
May God’s abundant peace surround you today as you lean on Him for strength. He is your Strength and Shield and the Great Physician. You are His daughter and are Dearly Loved.
Mary
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for Michele. I pray peace & healing for her. Thank you that You are with her now & always.
I, too, just learned last week that my cancer has returned after being in remission for 4 years. I use all four of Michele’s “ways to keep living.” I am thankful for my team of prayer warriors praying me through this battle.
Michelle, I love how tenderly God reminds us, even in the worst of circumstances, that we’re not alone. Although I wish with ALL my heart you had not received this unwanted news, I’m honored to be with you in it. Keep living, girl. Keep LIVING!
Continued prayers for the peace that passes all understanding! Thank you for the reminders of “how to keep living!”
Thank you for your openness and sharing your struggles. Prayers for peace and calm.
Oh my heart hurts for you. Praying that you cling to His truth when the pain is unbearable, praying that you will rest in His arms when the battle is wearisome, praying that you will embrace His Presence when the unknown scares you, praying that His Peace will continue to calm you as you tread raging waters. I will be praying for you Michele. “My help comes from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:2)
Prayers Michele…you have some amazing things to do yet for God’s Kingdom. The one that I need most is Don’t Get Ahead of the Calendar…I have to remind myself all the time that God’s delay is not his denial…and patience is a practiced gift.
“Gods delay is not his denial.” Beautiful. And true. Thank you, Michelle. (P.S. Nice name. ;))
I just experienced a miscarriage (my 2nd). I have 2 children on earth with me and my oldest (6yrs) was struggling with anger at God for taking the baby from us, but through my tears I was able to share with him that God has good still planned for us, we just might not be able to see it yet. Even though I know this truth to be true- after my first miscarriage, we were able to conceive and I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. She brings great joy to our family! I still need this reminder daily. And what a sweet reminder to look at my daughter!
Prayers for peace & calmness as we struggle with our 4 yr old & some developmental & speech delays. I want to be joyful in all things. I try so hard but today has been difficult. Praying for Michele.
Chrystal, two of my six children have speech and development delays. I know the struggle and exhaustion. Some days you just want to run away. Be reassured, you are brave and strong and fighting a worthy battle. I’m with you!
Thanks for sharing your burden so we can learn from you. Praying for God’s healing and peace for you.
“Today I will tell myself the truth.”
May God’s strength and peace be with you along this road, Michele. Your story has truly touched my heart (as I have tears welling in my eyes) and has been a good reminder to live in the now. God bless.
Tears are evidence of LIFE. Glad we’re in this together, Jena.
Prayers for serenity and peace at a time when both seem a distance away. Breathe deeply and fully. God will restore us.
I’ve learned the prayers for peace are some of the most powerful. And most needed. Thank you, Stacie.
God needs you on earth, not in heaven. You are HEALED by his stripes. Believe it!
Prayers for a strong will, and peace. My problem today is small… frozen pipes. But I am taking a deep breath and taking one thing at a time.
I’ve had broken pipes, Mimi. And it’s NOT fun. 🙂 The beautiful thing is how we can share in all these sufferings, together.