“I need extra praying power. I had a biopsy Thursday, and now I’m waiting for results. Having a tough time, both because of the pain and the unknowns.”
As I read Michele’s text, my heart ached. Why God? Why now? Why this? Why Michele? Hasn’t she been through so much already this year?
Michele’s reaction has been a lot more mature and faith-filled than mine. She is determined to trust God’s promise to make {all things} work together for good.
And even in this place of not-knowing how He will keep His promise, she’s courageously sharing her story on her blog. Holding out the same hope she is holding onto – Michele wants God to use her not-knowing to help others who may be wondering how He’ll keep His {all things} promise to them.
From Michele’ s blog:
“I did everything I could to prevent it. But, in the end, it didn’t matter.
It was time for my regular check-up with my cancer surgeon. The one who did my surgery in 2010. The one I’ve seen every two months since. As of December, I’ve been cancer-free for three years.
Which is why I never again wanted hear these words: “Michele, I think we need to do another biopsy.”
My heart sunk when she told me. It’s what I feared; what I’d tried so hard to avoid.
But no amount of wishing and wanting changed the reality of what was.
So now, I wait. Life hovers.
This not-knowing place is all too familiar. It’s a place with which every survivor is well-acquainted. A space between suspicions and answers, between illness and wholeness.
I know I’m not alone here. We all have our unknowns. Those God-awful not-knowing spaces that shred us with worry and steal our peace.
The adult child who left home without looking back.
The marriage on the brink of a dissolution.
The church that might close its doors.
The struggling child who may never be “whole.”
The once-precious friendship that flounders.
The financial predicament without a solution.
The mental illness that scares you to death.
I’ve lost count of my not-knowing spaces. These are the places I most dread, when I have neither answers nor control. A painful limbo, a long stretching between what is and what will be.
But life doesn’t have to end in the middle of not-knowing.
It’s possible to laugh, dance and celebrate all the goodness of this life, even knowing it could change tomorrow. Maybe especially then.
I’ve decided this: I will not put my joy on hold.
I will not wait for the phone to ring before I decide to laugh and dance. Not this time. It’s a cost I’m not willing to pay again. Instead, this time I choose to live.
So how do you keep living when your world has stopped?
Tell yourself the truth. Fear thrives on three lies: (1) I am alone, (2) I am powerless, (3) I am without hope. In the absence of answers, fear fills in the gaps. Instead, tell yourself the truth: You are never alone. God’s power thrives in impossible situations. And there is always, always hope.
Don’t get ahead of the calendar. This is a tough one for me. Somehow I think by worrying I can wield control. As if anticipating what might come next week or next year will help me cope with it once it happens. This is a lie. Worrying about tomorrow only serves to rob you of today. Instead, take each day as it comes. No less, no more.
Take stock of all the goodness. Even in the not-knowing, there is good to be found. The smile of a friend. The kindness of a family member. The warmth of the sun. The touch of a hand. The world may be collapsing around you, but beauty is hidden in the rubble. Reach for it, like treasure. Then, write it down. The person anchored in upheaval is the one determined to dig up the gold.
Allow yourself to be loved. It’s okay to lean on someone else in your not-knowing place. It’s okay to say, “I’m weary,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know what to do.” Say it outloud. Write it down. Allow someone who loves you to hear the truth of your heart. Only then is the burden shared. Only then does the waiting place become a haven of relationship.
It’s been a week now. And Michele didn’t get the answer she (we) prayed and hoped for. Her biopsy results came in: the cancer is back. She’s cried and wished God’s plans were different. But she told me last night she has this Holy peace, almost like bubble-wrap, around her heart. A peace that could only come from knowing God is working {even this} together for good.
What messy not-knowing place are you in today? Which one of Michele’s four “ways to keep living” do you need most?
ENTER TO WIN
Slip a note with your thoughts or a prayer for Michele in the comments below. Each comment will be entered to win this gift from my sweet friend and amazing artist Emily Burger.Emily is giving away a beautiful Romans 8:28 framed canvas print! It comes ready to hang, or it can be set on a desk for a great reminder of God’s promise in your life! The canvas is 6 by 6 inches, and the frame around the outside makes this piece approximately 8 inches square. Emily is ALSO graciously offering us {ALL} a 10% discount this week!
Use the code RENEESWOPE at checkout on Emily’s site, and 10% will be taken off your total purchase. Find her beautiful {scripture art HERE} and {canvas prints} HERE.
This gracious discount is for your benefit only. I will not receive any proceeds from this offer.
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Always running behind and trying to catch up, I offer these words: He holds every tear drop in His in hands and hears every plea we cry. He knows our suffering which is why He sent his only son to rescue us. We never walk alone. With every road He has us walk, he is our companion and our guide and the path before us is paved with His goodness and strength. Take hold of His hand and feel the warmth of His everlasting faithfulness as He guides you down yet one more planned journey. Smile and know He is the great I AM. God bless you and keep you in His arms of peace.
Praying for you Michele! I’m also dealing with a few different issues myself. Issues with my family. It’s so very hard not to concentrate on the situation and still look to the Lord for His help and His sustaining power. It’s very easy for us to look at the situation. Praying that God will give you His Peace during this time in your life!
In Him,
Kelli
Michelle, sending love, hugs and prayers. Know that God is in control of all, and is walking right beside you. Know that he cradles you in his arms, and He will give you peace and comfort you, and wrap you in Love… Keep trusting Him for He is your refuge.
I love what you wrote “Beauty is hidden in the rubble, reach for it like treasure.’ I love this, thank you for sharing your story.
Blessings
Anna
Michelle, my favorite verse is Isaiah 50:10 – “Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” When I have faced the dark times of not knowing what God’s plans are for my life He reminds me of this verse. May I encourage you to trust Him and rely on Your God who is always faithful!
Michelle, thank you for sharing your story, and for showing us that, while we all have our own crosses to bear, God is with each of us every step of the way. In His infinite wisdom we shall have the peace that passes all understanding….and I pray that for you and for each of these women who have also shared their trials and tribulations. Where three or more gather in His Holy name, there is POWER. God’s love is sovereign, He reigns !! God’s PERECT PEACE and BLESSINGS to you my friend and sister in Christ 🙂
The most horrible event happened my husband a nod me last June, he was fired from his position of Associate Pastor/Worship Pastor. The way it was done was malicious, unethical and on the verge of illegal. There was much hatred and lies told about us to ensure enough supporters to fire him. I have never felt more alone, unloved and hurt than I did then and now as people we thought were friends ignore us. My true friends who went through this with me have moved on but for some reason God has not allowed us to move on. I struggle every day with feelings of worthlessness and hurt but there really isn’t anyone to lean on, love on me or even share my feelings with. I’m still looking for the good that God will work out of all this hurt someday. I just hope we can stay afloat.
When my brother took his life a year and a half ago, I had a complete meltdown. In that moment, I was honest and raw with God as I pleaded, “God, I know your Word says that you work all things together for good. I know that means all things. But this? THIS? How can that possibly be? I don’t understand and quite frankly, I don’t want to believe that something good can come from this horrible situation. But I believe you. So I invite you in and ask you to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens somehow. I commit myself to that journey, and I will finish the race for both of us.” Since then, Romans 8:28 pops up everywhere for me, but mostly in moments when I truly need the reminder. I am not yet on the other side of that journey but I’m allowing God to do whatever He wants to do and through the darkness, His light always manages to shine, just as He promises. Michelle, my prayer for you is healing first and foremost, and that beyond healing, you will feel His presence surrounding you, keeping you in perfect peace as He works out his purpose. His good, pleasing and perfect will. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey. This is what binds people together as we run this race.
Lifting up prayers for you, Michelle. I can’t imagine enduring what you have and will continue to go through with this reoccurance of cancer. Praying God’s healing hand upon your body, and his peace and joy in your spirit.
I understand your situation so well. I am 3 1/2 years out of breast cancer, 1 year out of open heart surgery, and my husband is a year out from throat cancer and having his larynx removed. We know God’s healing power and joy through bad circumstances. I am so happy you are sharing and allowing all these people to share what they are going through. The replies are overwhelming in the proof of their faith. Thank you for sharing your experiences as we never know how many people might benefit from your sharing of your experiences and joy. The Bible says “… joy comes in the morning.” God bless you for sharing your faith. God please bless all these people who are going through various trials. What would we do without our Savior?
Prayers for peace and healing.