We all struggle with identity—who we are, why we are, and what we have to offer the world. And just about the time we find a sliver of worth or significance, something happens to make us fully aware of how much we lack. A harsh word. A broken relationship. A failed attempt. Then, in spite of our best efforts at positivity or affirmation, we can’t escape the insecurity and aloneness we experience as a result.
When it comes to this epidemic of misplaced identity, my dear friend Michele Cushatt understands the struggle first hand. Without giving away her story (which you can read in her books), Michele knows what it’s like to lose her footing, and to wonder if she’d ever again be able to stand. But she also knows what it’s like to cry out to God for grace and discover the miracle of His Presence and His Purpose right here, right now.
The night held magic.
I knew it before the sixteen-year-old boy standing next to me reached for my hand. Although we went to the same high school, I couldn’t believe it when he asked me out. He was an athlete, part of the popular crowd. I was completely average, an insecure academic.
So when he asked me to dinner, I fell all over myself saying yes. Clearly, my high school luck was changing.
I remember nothing about the date except for its ending. After driving us back to my parents’ house, he grabbed my hand and took me outside for a walk.
The moon and stars filled the fall sky like scattered shards of crystal. The evening was just cool enough to require a light jacket, but nothing more. Idyllic conditions for a romantic, hand-holding walk. Everything about the night seemed perfect. Which is why I didn’t balk when he pulled me to a stop and leaned in. His lips touched mine in an explosion of adolescent fireworks.
My first kiss.
Magic. In seconds, I went from unwanted to wanted, average to extraordinary. I floated like a balloon on a string held in his hand as he walked me back home.
The magic of the moment carried over to the next morning. Someone liked me! After years of girlish longing, it felt amazing to be wanted. Little did I know, the dream wouldn’t last. Too soon, the magic proved nothing but an illusion.
The truth became clear when I arrived at school. Within seconds, the girl sitting next to me in class said words that stopped me cold: “Something looks different about you today, Michele. Like something happened last night, for the first time.” It wasn’t her words as much as the gleam in her eye that gave her away.
She knew.
Heat filled my cheeks. I tried to shrug it off, but even my naive self knew something was amiss. My fears were confirmed when another girl—someone I’d known for most of my life—said something similar. Throughout the day, more smirks and comments came my way. Then, when the boy never again acknowledged my existence, reality made itself plain.
The entire thing had been a setup. A sham. A few weeks before, I’d confided to a friend that I’d never been kissed. She spilled my secret to a high school full of unmerciful teenagers. What I thought was magic was merely a popular boy’s response to an adolescent dare.
Nothing but a game. He won. I lost.
I lost far more than my first kiss that day. I lost my innocence. I’d been duped, manipulated, and misled. I wasn’t wanted; I was used. A prop to propel a teenage boy a little farther up the popularity scale.
As a result, I bought into the belief that the only way I’d ever be wanted is if I worked at it. I needed to put on a good show and put some effort into being worthy.
My experience with human love has, at times, left me jaded and self-protective. I’m afraid to trust love, to lean into it. I’m afraid I’ll find myself once again duped and used. And yet the Bible promises God’s love can be counted on. Do I trust His sincerity? Do I believe His love will not fail me?
There’s a story in the Bible about a woman who needed to be noticed by a man. When Ruth’s husband died suddenly along with her father-in- law, she became destitute, along with her adored mother-in-law, Naomi. Wanted one day, alone and without resources the next. No spouses, no means of income or provision. Alone.
Until Ruth discovered she had a kinsman, a relative who could assume the role of husband out of respect for his deceased relative.
But it was a long shot. Why would this relative, Boaz, want to give up his independence for a widow and her mother-in-law? An unnecessary burden. And yet Ruth and Naomi both knew it was their only option.
So one night, after the day’s work was done, Ruth walked over to the field where Boaz worked. She found him asleep on the threshing floor, likely exhausted from a full day’s work, and she curled up at his feet to sleep. As custom dictated, when he awakened to find that Ruth had “thrown herself at his feet” during the night, Boaz had a choice to make: receive her as his wife—and become her kinsman-redeemer—or reject her request. It may seem difficult to understand, but Ruth’s life hinged on the whims of one man’s wants.
Have you been there? Maybe you’re not a woman waiting for a man. Maybe you’re simply a person longing to be wanted. You trusted love once upon a time. But then a rejection or loss. An injustice or betrayal. Something hardened within. Never again would you throw yourself at the feet of anyone. Never.
I understand. But I’ve learned something since that devastating first kiss.
Human desire is a flawed echo of a flawless love.
While there is merit in romance, it was never meant to be the apex of all love. Instead, even the most beautiful and perfect human love is merely a hint of something far better.
God’s is love.
That means we are wanted by one who plays no games and hides no ulterior motives. He became the one who was used, unwanted and rejected so we would always know what it felt like to be protected, wanted and received. His love heals our wounds and soothes our hearts. And when we throw ourselves at His feet, there is no fear of what the morning will bring.
For the morning brings with it the knowledge that we’re already wanted. We’re redeemed by the one who holds the power to do the redeeming.
Every lesser love is merely child’s play.
~ Michele Cushatt, I Am: A 60-day Journey to Knowing Who You Are Because of Who He Is
Copyright 2017, Zondervan Publishers.
These words pulled from the pages of Michele’s most recent book—I Am: A 60-day Journey to Knowing Who You Are Because of Who He Is—were penned during her long and grueling recovery from a third diagnosis of tongue cancer, during which she was permanently altered physically, emotionally and spiritually. In it, she speaks with raw honesty and hard-earned insight about our current identity epidemic and the reason why our best self-help and self-esteem tools aren’t enough to heal our deepest wounds.
Michele is one of my best buddies and dearest friends. But she’s also one of the most powerful communicators of the spoken and written word. Her book came at a time when my foundation had been rocked and my security needed shoring up. Here’s the endorsement I wrote after reading it last summer:
Using personal stories, insightful biblical teaching and soul-searching reflection, Michele Cushatt helped me reframe my life through the lens of who God is and who I am because I am His. Through this powerful 60-day journey of I Am, I found hope and courage to let God re-write the narrative of the story I am living and the story I am telling myself every day. ~ Renee Swope, author of A Confident Heart
ENTER TO WIN
From the moment a woman wakes until she falls, exhausted, on her pillow, one question plagues her at every turn: Am I enough?
When a brutal bout with cancer changed how she looked, talked, and lived, Michele Cushatt embarked on a soul-deep journey to rediscover herself. The typical self-esteem strategies and positivity plans weren’t enough. Instead, she needed a new foundation, one that wouldn’t prove flimsy when faced with the onslaught of day-to-day life.
I Am reminds us that our value isn’t found in our talents, achievements, relationships, or appearance. It is instead found in a God who chose us, sent us, and promised to be with us—forever.
HERE IS HOW YOU CAN ENTER TO WIN
1. LEAVE A COMMENT below this post, where it says “Share Your Thoughts.”
2. SHARE this POST on Facebook, Instagram and/or Twitter, with the hashtag #IAMbook
That’s it! Your name will be entered into a random drawing. Be sure to tell your friends so they can sign up too. The drawing will take place on Monday, March 13th! {Contest is limited to US & Canadian readers only.}
This book sounds fantastic! I’ve recently been waiting for God to direct me to the books I need to read to further my independence from this earthly world to Him and I just happened across this page!! Either way, I would love to read it. Congratulations on having your books published also. It’s refreshing to read christian women’s writings.
This sounds like a great book. I would love to read this.
Thank you for the opportunity.
Thank you for following Gods calling to help others I. his Name be the glory. Amen
Would love this book – would love to read with my girls to help us realize our worth is nor in this world or in guys, school, extra curricular activities ❤️
Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I’m loved and accepted. I could use this book.
Sounds like a wonderful book – but I would expect nothing less!
I could really use this book as I’ve been dealing w some identity issues, since I was in the hospital w pneumonia several years ago. The RT made a mistake during a routine bronscopy, letting my oxygen drop dangerously low. As a result I suffered multiple anxoxic strokes, woke up from a coma in CC ICU, in a different hospital, a month later, no memory, completely paralyzed on my left side, a ventilator tube down my throat, chest tube in my right lung, feeding tube, 14 IV abx in both arms as well as my neck, wasn’t supposed to’ve lived? The life I’d always known & had when I’d been admitted for “the 2 day stay,” was nothing more than a memory now? along w my health, independence, paralegal career, the ability to do so many things I loved & now realized I’d taken for granted, along with many of my friendships, family members, too many things to name. Funny how hindsight really is 20/20? Suddenly being a “new
medically disabled person @ barely 47 didn’t hold much appeal;no job, being home alone w very litte if any understanding, empathy or support. Learning as much as I could about strokes, the affects the have on survivors, what to expect, what behaviors to watch for; what could be done to help or over come them as much as I possibly could. All while attending outpatient rehab 3 days a week for 10 hours, terrible anxiety. Later a major depression I didn’t know to expect that 98% of all stroke survivors have? Guess somebody forgot to mention that’ll me; you think? Then having to somehow re-create myself as well as a life for myself now; this new person people cldnt accept bc I wasn’t exactly 100% the same I was before? What an overwhelming challenge; talk about an identity crisis, crisis of faith; crisis period! wondering what my purpose could possibly be in life now? Everyone acted like I was a leper; could catch some awful disease if they were nice to me much less spent any time with or near me? Things are some better today; bc the passage time; not the same. Sadly I’m starting to think they never will be. People can’t accept & love me today until they can let go of & forgot the person I was who died when I had the strokes. But I can’t make anybody understand? I’m learning to deal with the fact I’m an oddity that most people can no longer accept for some reason; forget love?Possibly bc of the medical issues “I” still live w daily? Who really knows. I think I’d I known about this book from the beginning it wldve been very helpful & no doubt saved buckets full tears as well…but then again, I suppose it is what it is; who really knows? Hope I win a copy; Sounds like an amazing read; one I know countless people including myself need to hear❤️To revive our weary souls & remind us w our Father ALL things are possible, if we ask; and ask believing!?even creating an identity @ 47. Isn’t that wonderful; how awesome is our God! John 16:33 Thanks so much for allowing me to share??
Thanks for sharing Denise. Sounds like you’ve been though a lot. If I knew how to get a copy of this book to you , I would!
Wow!!! This book will no doubt speak to the hearts of many and change numerous lives. I NEED to read this. ❤
This is a book that I need to read. It speaks to the question on my heart lately. Am I wanted?? My mind knows the answer is yes. My heart struggles to believe this.
I would love to have this book! It looks like it will be fantastic!
I would love to have a chance to win this and be encouraged!
Exactly what’s on my mind heavy this morning and there it is… great timing. God’s timing.
This devotional sounds amazing♥️
This is just what I need right now. I’m working on improving myself and this likes right. Thank you for the opportunity.
I would love to read this. I struggle with confidence and of course being a mother, a wife a co-worker etc… How do I balance doing all of these roles as best as I can. I want to be a good example at work but sometimes its hard not to get caught up in stuff or to not feel jealous.
After my divorce and no luck with dating feeling unwanted.
The books sounds wonderful! I would love to read it
Yep, I often feel I not enough…
I am struggling with a couple of different medical conditions and I have a lot of time in my hands and I think this book would be very helpful. Thank you and God Bless.
This would be a great read for women struggles. Thank you ?
This sounds wonderful ~ I would love to win!
I’m always looking for a good read . Would Love to check out this book.
Can’t wait for this book.
Zing!!! Straight to the depths of my soul. The wisdom of this book hit me in dark places. I need to read more…
Who we are in christ is so important to know. Thank you for writing this book.
I need to read this book. I struggled to see myself as God see me.
This something I have struggled with and I’m still learning how to look at myself the way God would want me to see myself. Thanks for a chance to win!
Life. Just. Hurts.
Yes, it does. Many days it feels like it’s too much. You’re not alone, friend. Never alone. <3
Would love to have this book!
This topic can be plaguing to a woman’s soul. It has mine! I would love to be refreshed during this season of life! Thank you for the opportunity, Renee. What a blessing.
Definitely have been here…….This book sounds like a must read for me!
So true how this plagues me daily and hourly. Must add this to books to read!
Looking forward to reading this book.
Sounds like a great book. I will be adding this to my list of must reads!
I hope it encourages, strengthens and establishes you, Michelle!
I need to read this book. Thank you for an awesome giveaway!
Would love to read this book.
I really need to read this book.
Shared on Facebook and Twitter.
I need to read this book. I had a very hard time in high school and would not want to return to that time for anything, unless I could go back knowing what I know now about Jesus and how much He loves us.
Thank you for the opportunity to win the book. I can’t wait to read I Am. Michele’s words are so inspiring.
This is on my to-read list for this year! Cannot wait to get to read it and would be great to win!