It had been a really terrible, awful, hard day. So hard that I sat and cried. And yet, it brought me to the end of myself. And that was a good thing.
When I finished crying, I sat down to do some work and happened upon a story about Andrew Carnegie that completely changed my perspective as a mom and as a child of God.
Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America in the early 1900s, so wealthy that he employed over 42 millionaires. When asked how he developed these men to become so valuable that he would pay them that much money, Carnegie explained that “men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold, but one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt — one goes in looking for gold.”
I’d been buried in the dirt that day. I was lost in the monotony of motherhood and felt like my days had no meaning. My discouragement and feelings of failure as a mom left me so disappointed in myself. And I was convinced God felt the same way about me.
I started wishing I had a gold-miner in my life who could see beyond my mistakes and find the gold in me. That’s when God whispered to my heart, “Renee, I am that gold-miner. You are the one who is so critical of yourself. You are the one who focuses on your faults. But I see the gold of My image in your heart, and I want to bring it to the surface so your kids can see Me in you.”
As I sat there trying to process what God was whispering to my heart, stories from the Bible started flooding my thoughts helping me believe that God really does see beyond who I am to who I can become.
That day God used His thoughts to give me a new perspective – of Himself and of myself. Then He challenged me to look for ways to transfer that perspective to my children.
It’s easy to get buried in the dirt of discontentment, disobedience and discouragement. You may even be thinking, Where’s the gold in it all? I wondered, too. But after reading Carnegie’s story and hearing God speak to my heart, I wanted to become a gold-mining mom.
As I thought about the gold I wanted to see in my children, character traits of Christ such as patience, kindness and contentment came to mind. I decided to make a list of golden attitudes and actions and look up Bible verses we could learn together. Then I made gold nuggets by balling up foil and spray-painting them gold.
In the following weeks, each time my kids showed a golden attitude or action, I’d reward them. When they saved up enough nuggets, they’d get a special treat. We also found new character traits and Bible verses, wrote down ideas to live them out and started making them part of our family devotions.
It took time for me to embrace a grace-based parenting perspective and let God’s new truths sink in. But I was so excited about having a spiritual focus as a mom. I started getting creative and about finding time in the midst of my busy days to get into His Word and get His word into me. And as I did, He used His thoughts to re-shape mine.
God’s Word became a part of our everyday lives as He taught me to take my eyes off of my children’s habits and focus on their hearts. Not only did it change my kids’ attitudes and actions, it changed me, too. For the first time in months, I was excited about my role as a parent. God had given me a new perspective, and a whole new sense of purpose as a mom!
Lord, thank You for not focusing on the dirt in my life but seeing beyond who I am to who I can become. Help me believe that, receive that and give it away to my kids, my husband and my friends. Help me look at their hearts and encourage the glimpses of You that I see in them. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Portions of this post are in my book, A Confident Heart.
Copyright 2011. Baker Publishing. All rights reserved.
Purpose-Driven Mom Gift Pack:
Enter to win my Purpose-Driven mom message on CD and my “Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Character Chart and The Mom I Want to Be by Suzie Eller. To enter, click “share your thoughts” below and share why you’d like win.
My relatives always say that I am killing my time here at net,
but I know I am getting experience every day
by reading such nice posts.
I can so relate. My kids are 7 and 9 and I have a really hard time with order and discipline. My husband and I were childless for many years and our children have affected our marriage greatly. But we do not give up. We trust God and know that he is carrying us through all this. I would love read your book and listen to your CDs. I need all the help and encouragement I can find. Blessings to you.
I am a mother of three children, ages 15, 12, and 9. With my teenager I have been feeling as if I’ve gone wrong somewhere down the line as a parent. I’ve been so discouraged, feeling as if I’m not a good mother/role model. I’ve shed so many tears in the past 3-4 months as my heart is broken by disrespect and attitude. I, in the past week, have thought about just throwing my hands up…giving in. Then I read this devotion from a mother who has thought the same thing. I think your gifts will help me get my mind back focused where it needs to be..and maybe help me stay there.
Thank you Renee for sharing your heart. This has been so me lately. A lot lately. It seems everyday I go running to my bedroom, shut the door, and tell God I just want to quit. We have 4 boys 9 yrs to 23 yrs. I homeschool my 9, 10 and 15 yr. old (who thinks he’s “30′). By the time I get to bed at night my head is spinning with all the events of the day, and our Adversary is quick to remind me of my shortcomings and weaknesses, and I cry myself to sleep. I wake up each morning drained, and feel as I’ve been kicked around. Your devotion has given me hope. I know I need to take my eyes off of self and my circumstances and spend more time with my Father and remember that I am His. Thank you again. God Bless.
I would like to win because your message found me amidst a sea of complete and utter hopelessness. In a world that makes distracting our focus from the unsettled feeling in our hearts so easy I can’t help but find hope in knowing that it is still possible for God to reach out – even when we have forgotten how to listen. Your message spoke to every feeling that has been coursing through my heart and brain over the past few weeks (possibly months!) and I haven’t only ingnored this discontempt in my life, I have been ignoring what I haven’t been giving my children. They need me to show them love beyond that of which I am capable and I want to learn to open my heart to God, truly, so through me He can give them that love. I believe that winning this material, I will be one step closer to being the mother my children deserve.
Thank you.
I am a mother of a gorgeous daughter for whom I hoped and prayed for many years. Through the wonderful use of science and In-vitro fertilization, my prayer was answered. Through the process of yearning for a child, I grew ever closer to God. However, once my daughter was born I was overwhelmed by just how hard parenting is. I faltered continuously, dropping my eyes from God to fall into self-pity and spent too much time trying to rely on myself to get over the sleepness nights and the colicky days. Just like in your devotion about mothering, I reached a point where I was crying out for God to save me. Now that my daughter has gotten a little older, discipline is coming in to play. My childhood is not a very good place to look for discipline models, and I struggle daily to figure out how to discipline in a way that is fair and just. I want to be able to raise my daughter so that she knows God’s love and her parents’ love, and so she can always walk with the Lord. This is why I would like to win this prize pack.
Thank you for your story.
🙂
Thank you so much, Renee, for this encouragement. I needed it! I have been going through a tough time spiritually, as a mother to 3 and 1 on the way. I feel have very few mom role models in my life, and it’s so much harder than I ever expected! It literally is so humbling and requires God’s help. I don’t have a great relationship with my mother and did not have the most positive upbringing, and I am trying so desperately hard not to continue down that road. I am so glad that God is here & is the best example that ALL of us can look to as to how to raise HIS children for HIM. I would love to win this package to help guide me in being a better, more patient mom. Thank you for being used so greatly by God and being such a great encouragement.
Thank you so much for this devotion! I have felt overwhelmed by being a stay-at-home mother of 3 children lately. I am the mother of a 6-year old girl, 3-year old boy and a 6 month old boy. I am breastfeeding my youngest and feel tied to him 24/7, this leaves me feeling helpless to the needs and wants of my older children. We have recently started regularly attending church and loving our separate worship times. I could really use the gift pack for encouragement and guidance! Thank you again!
WOW! This touched me at so many levels I would not even know where to begin. Suffice to say that even though my daughters are 21 and 15, I am convicted to start afresh and take “my eyes off their habits and focus on their hearts”. This truly spoke volumes to me. I have been a single Mom now for 12 years, and it has been tough.(divorce was rough, lost my job after 20 years, then lost my house, health issues etc.) I’ve probably made more Mom mistakes than good decisions. Love my daughters dearly. Am truly blessed and thankful that God chose me to be their Mom but many many times I felt like was roaming in the dark, having not had a great example in my own Mom. Were it not for the grace of God, I do not know where I would be today, or where my girls would be. At 46 years old, I still do not have a good relationship with my Mom. Although I walk in forgiveness, I do sometimes worry that I have passed down, or will pass off, the “worst” of myself, or who I was raised to think I was before I learned who I was in Christ, to my daughters. Oh, this was such a refreshing devotional. I’m not very creative but will be praying about ways to incorporate the gold foil idea into our family time. I’m so excited at what God has just done in my heart, and what He will do in my family. It is never too late. God Bless you, your family and your ministry. I hope you have a true understanding of how your obedience to God is truly a blessiing to so many of us!
I have two grown daughters with children of their own now. They are experiencing the struggles and joys of Motherhood. They also compare their methods to other Christian Moms’ child-rearing decisions as well as the children themselves and can be discouraged. For gifts, I purchase books from Proverbs 31 writers to give them encouragement and growth. My daughter talked to me just this evening about teaching her young son about self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit. Because he was familiar with these fruits and God’s commands, he has been serious about modeling his behavior after our Lord. What a blessing to have a daughter who teaches from God’s Word. What a blessing my grandchildren have a Christian mother who wants to impart His ways.
I would love to win for desperately needed encouragement. These past two years have been the most difficult years of my life, but I am determined that 2013 will be a better year for me and my sons. Long story short, my divorce will be final in 8 days (Feb 22) and I am trying to find my way in my new role as a single mom of two young boys. I continue in counseling for myself to 1) learn how to love myself for who I am as I am and 2) embrace the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and WORTHY to be loved so I can be the BEST MOM that my precious sons deserve. I also have my boys in counseling and we continue to lean on one another and pray together nightly (and sometimes on the cuff throughout the day as the need arises).
In addition, I lost my job last June (2012) after 18+ years of employment. This happened just 4 days before my first appointment with my attorney for the divorce. I am STILL trying to find a new job. I trust God has all of this in His hands (and I so needed the summer to help my boys through the first stages of the separation and divorce etc) … but the days and nights can get long and hard at times.
Thank you for your consideration and blessings to you in your ministry!
Vicky
Vicky: Just wanted to encourage you. I was divorced when my girls were 3 & 9. They are now 15 and 21. After 20 years of the same employment, I lost my job. By the time I found a new one (long time), I was losing my house. My girls and I have seen very rough times and I have been the sole support (spiritually, emotionally, financially) for all these years. But God has been so gracious and so merciful, and so loving. Dear sister, your worth is defined by who you are in Christ, and He cherishes you. You are His beloved. He will provide for all of your needs. Even all these years later, the days and nights can still sometimes be long and hard for me as well – but El Roi – the God who sees me (and sees you) is faithful. He will strengthen you, and carry you, and shelter you, and love on you in ways you can never imagine. Count on Him. Talk to Him. Take time to listen to Him. Praise Him – even in the storm. I will be praying for you, dear one! And I know you will grow stronger in this new journey, and some years from now, you will be able to encourage other women, as I am truly able, from a thankful and loving heart, to encourage you. I have witnessed God’s hand in my life, and see His hand in the lives of my daughters. There is beauty in the ashes. There is blessing in the difficulty. There is pain in the offering, but is a refining pain, a growing pain. God is good, all the time. He loves you!!! He will be your everything. Shalom, Rosemarie
I would love to win these resources…I struggle with perspective. I so want to be a mom that encourages and lifts up her children, but I find myself focusing on the negative behaviors or attitudes I would like to change in my kids. Thank you for helping me to feel like I am not the only one who struggles.
To be Honest an vulnerable… I am a mother of 6 boys… Im new around here and new to the thought of allowing God to lead me as a Mother and wife.. Dont get me wrong.. in my mind.. Ive always been a Christian.. but after reading things that God has put in your heart that you soo kindly share its opened my eyes to things that seem soo easy but I just need and needed someone to show me how to do it.. to show me a different way.. A Healthier way.. I appreciate all that you do and you share..
I would like to win the purpose-driven Mom pack because I feel like Ive let me oldest son(now 18) down and there are 5 more behind him that I still have a chance to get it right with, to show the the Love of God through me.. I like how you word it better but..
Thank You again.. oh the reason I want to win it is because I need it.. and I would love to say oh Ill save up and treat myself to it.. the reality is someone will need picture money or yearbook money or something and I will go into my secret stash and never order it.. 🙂 God Bless You..and Happy Valenties Day
Im praying for you Sharon. Your note really touched my heart. Thank you for being so honest with where you are and how God is speaking to your heart through this post. Your vulnerability moved me!!
This is so encouraging! I am grandmother to a very active toddler who stretches my daughter’s patience to the end. She takes her son to work with her (she cleans a business) and then spends all day every day with him, with few breaks. Her husband works long hours, so he isn’t home until evenings, although coaching sports takes him away some. This book would be so helpful for her!
I have become very discouraged as a parent lately. Tired of the monotony and negativity that I know I bring into our home everyday. I need and want to bring God’s word and hope into the hearts of my family!! Thank you for your encouraging words and ideas!
Oh I needed this devotional! Thank you Renee! I so often feel like a failure and especially at the end of the day when I put my daughter 3yrs and son 1 yr to bed and I finally lie down is when so often I so wish I had just been a little bit more understanding, patient and gentler. My daughter has to face the fact that her friends have dadies and that her daddy is not part of her life about a year and a half except phone calls cause of circumstances. I so want to be there for her when she is frustrated but seem to fail again and again. I have asked God again and again to please help me raise them. I would be so excited if I won as they seem to be awesome tools to grow as a mommy! But I pray that the person that God sees should win, wins! Thank you for the encouragement Renee! and to so many of the moms who have posted. <3
I just gave birth to baby number five a little over two weeks ago. My oldest is only eight years old. I home-school them and am with them 24-7, I am exhausted physically and do not feel like I get the time I need spiritually to be refreshed. I realize that when I feel like I want to quit, I am making wounds and scars in my sweet children with the way I act and respond to them in the midst of that attitude. I want to leave a legacy of grace and above all, leave them with memories of a godly mother who made their days joyful instead of frustrating, who looked for beauty instead of faults. I don’t want them to feel like they have to “measure up” to be loved and accepted. These tools would be a great help to me as I seek God’s face in this.