Today I wanted to share my Chapter 4 video teaching message. In it, I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom.
{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.} 🙂
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about how God is speaking to your heart through chapter 4 and through today’s video message. Click “share your thoughts” below this post. I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary, so I recorded another little video message to talk/walk you through that process that I’ll share this week too.
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Thank you for sharing your notes via PDF and Word… so helpful!! My past hurts lead me to God!!!
As I am slowly digesting Chapter 4, God is really touching my heart and showing me His desire to fill the void that my daddy never did. Each time I open your book, Renee, it’s like God picks me up and places me in His lap and holds me while I read. I end up crying and He begins to heal the wounds left by my daddy. God told me today how jealous He is to be what my daddy wasn’t to me. My daddy never took the time growing up to spend time with me, or to really seem interested in me much at all. He was on drugs and too busy drinking and partying with his friends to spend time at home with my Mama and sister. I am thoroughly enjoying your book. It’s like we’ve lived mostly the same life. The same struggles with criticizing your husband and bitterness you mentioned in your video is the same struggle I have been fighting with for a while now. God just recently showed me why I was doing that to my husband. It all had to do with my unforgiveness toward my daddy and the bitterness resulting from that. I am so glad that God led me to read your book. Thank you for your transparency. It is helping me tremendously!
I think that after experiencing so much pain and hurt when I was younger, that as a young adult I tended to move on and let go too fast when bad things happened, if that makes any sense. I just moved on without processing anything. I think that at the time I didn’t want to dwell on it, because I felt bad enough and wanted to move on for my and my daughter’s sake. I wanted to be what she needed me to be, so I didn’t want to think about or have any feelings resurface that would get in the way of that. As I’ve gotten a little older, and as we go through this study, I realize that was not the way I should go about it. I wouldn’t be truly free or healed going on as I had. I have to have the courage to revisit those feelings and times that I don’t want to remember. It’s not always easy, but so worth it in our journey to freedom, just like Renee said.
Thanks Renee for the video and I look forward to the one later this week on the timelines, I know that this part will be difficult but one that I really think I need to work through! One of the points that stand out to me on this Ch 4 was “He knows all my failures and shame but He loves me completely” and ” deal with the past but don’t dwell in past.” I read these and then actually watched the link that Dove did on beauty (someone above linked it on her comment) and I know that like me it is a struggle for many of us on how we see ourselves so those two lines really hit home too with that!! Thanks for the encouragment and helping me see how to deal with past to move forward to build my future based on Him and His plans not on my past!
I must be honest – I didnt want to do the timeline. I did not want to look back and revisit the hurt. I thought I had moved on so much, I didnt want to go back. But perhaps that shows me that those events still hold a lot of pain for me. This is my second time doing the study, and I stumbled across the timeline I did before. Rejection – my fear of being rejected. My fear of being rejected is so big, that I dont put myself in positions to be rejected – or so I thought. Really, this study did help me the first time, and I have stepped out just a little bit more – nothing major and still very single, but in other ways. I also see that I do need to make the timeline again and see a bit more where God has brought me from. I was afraid that I would be shattered visiting all of those places again. But maybe not. I’ll trust in God to carry me through instead of trying to depend on my own strength to carry me through the memories.
Thank you for sharing this. I can almost say ditto. I don’t want to go back and look at the painful places. I thought I had processed them before, but I don’t want to really look at it too much. I am in counseling and I still find it difficult to look at the really hard places. I would rather pray for healing and forgiveness and move on. I am battling my fears and how to be confident in the Lord, to not throw away my confidence. I am struggling today. I could use some prayers.
thank you.
Praying for you evette. I did my time line this morning. I asked the Lord to be with me visiting those places again. It was strange how the emotions cames back. The overwhelming feeling that I had this time around was that I was inadequte. Always inadequate because of all of the abandonment and rejection. I pray the Lord helps me to process it it all. To understand it, and to show me – He does NOT feel the same way. He loves me. I dont deserve His love, but He loves me. He loves you too Evette. He loves all of us. Hold on to that fact.
I have a lot of pain from my past things I’m not proud of, but I also have gotten to the point where I can’t allow my past to dictate my future. If I continue to dwell on my past and not move forward then I will be stuck forever. I have come to realize that I have a story to tell a story that may help someone else. I can’t just sit and ponder on the what ifs that’s not getting me anywhere. My past is my past I can’t go back and change anything as much as I want to, but I can move forward and trust God with my present time and future.
After reading chapter 4 or for that fact the previous three chapters, I see where my doubt came from and if I want to go forward I have to confront the past and ask Jesus to show me how to process this pain that and fear that I carry with me. My parents were not the most nurturing and I became a people pleaser just to get them to show me some affection. I had to be perfect to get praise. so I will construct this timeline and ask Jesus to help me process it and move forward from it.
I believe my past hurts have actually made me as dependant on God as I am today. However, the Lord has been brining a couple old battles I may not have completely delt with through this chapter. The problem is: I don’t know where to start to pray about it. It’s ao deeply buried I’m even ashamed when it comes to mind.
Praying that God will direct and show you where he wants you to start. May the Holy Spirit who guides us in all truth direct your ways, reveal how much you are loved and comfort you in your fears.
Stephanie,
I pray that shame will not hold you back from seeking healing from God. “Shame” tell us “we are bad” instead of “what happened was bad”. God will never, ever shame His child. He desires to take that toxic shame off and away from you. I struggle so badly with toxic shame! It can be like an icky, inky, oily glue that swallows me and I can only shake off a few drops at a time. It is so frustrating, so I feel your pain. I understand not knowing where to start and the temptation to cut the memory off the moment it starts because the shame takes over! But I will share with you when I become overwhelmed of where to start, I do as Evette shared, I pray for God to show me where to start. When that memory surfaces I invite Jesus into it. Even a simple prayer of, “Jesus I don’t even know what to do with all of this, but please, right now, come into this part of my life. Come into this moment. Come into this memory. Make yourself known here. Redefine and redeem this.” And every time He has. Sometimes it takes me longer to work through some than others, but He never leaves it undone. He brings freedom, comfort, and release at the very end of it. And then I move onto the next one. So trust Him and follow Him. He will remove your shame and heal your heart. prayers for you!
About 8 years ago, I began to really open up to God and trust Him for the outcome of addressing my own pains. It was actually a very messy and difficult process (because it’s hard to let go and trust) and although my life literally fell apart, I never gave up on God. Now, I can say that He is restoring every area of my life on HIS terms…not mine. It’s awesome to watch the Holy Spirit work in my life and I know that I can trust in Him for the rest of the story. The key to getting through the ugliness of our past is to know who we are in Christ Jesus. Oh how awesome of a God we have! He wants to redeem us and fill us with a future of hope. Loved ones, take it from me, it is so worth it to let the light in and trust in Him for the outcome in all aspects of living.
Do you have some practical ways that God showed you how to do this?
In my life, I lived many years as a controlling perfectionist. Last year, God began to teach me about surrender. Since then, I have been slowly taking my hands off of things when God says He will take care of it. For instance, God wanted me to skip making reservations for a dinner party because He could produce a table for a party of ten on a busy Saturday night. The concept was inconcevable to me but God said He couldn’t open the Red Sea if I won’t leave Egypt. So i did and miraculously, He came through. I was so scared at first but my faith has slowly grown and I’m trusting God more and more and don’t care much about appearing to be perfect all the time.
This chapter and video really touched my heart . I started the timeline and reflected on past hurts and ask God to begin the healing process. Unforgiveness had me bound but I am thankful I can truly say I have the victory in this area. It was not easy but daily I seek God to keep me free in this area. I am truly hearing God speak through His word Isaiah 61: 1-3 and Jeremiah 29. Thank you God for this group.
Renee, thank you so much for this book!! You really help us to see that we can learn to let go of pain.
Not that we can forget – but, we can have freedom to leave it with God.
These chapters are so down to earth and helps and wants us to share it with other women.
Since there is no real way to give you a hug, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze knowing that you are being thanked and appreciated.
The Lord, is using you in such a powerful way.
I struggle so much with my past. I divorced in 2002. My ex has moved on and is remarried. And I am still processing all the emotions I feel. I keep wishing the divorce never happened. We are both Christians. I keep beating myself up over things I should have said…ways I could have acted. How I could have been a better wife. Maybe we would still be together. I feel like such a failure. I have asked God to forgive me for the divorce. I see what I did wrong. I am just feeling hurt from it. Is this….normal….after all these years?? Shouldn’t I be “over this” by now? When will the healing- complete healing- come?
There is no standard grieving period for a divorce, so yes, what you are feeling is normal and valid because you are God’s daughter. I’m saddened to read that you are still hurting and blaming yourself. God forgives you and He can help you forgive yourself. Turn these thoughts and emotions to Him and let Him work. One unfortunate incident does make you a failure. God can work all things for your good and His glory. May you find peace and blessing in Him today!
That was a wonderful video. It just showed me that God never gives up on us even when we want to give up on ourselves. Right now God is teaching me that I need to let him be my husband and when I do that then he will be bring the right guy int my life. I was only married 5 monhts before my husband took off and when back to the mormon church. I was so mad and bitter at him and at God but now I know that we were not meant to be togerther. God is good. Thanks for sharing Renee.
What chapter should have got me doing was to weep a little. But somehow I really felt challenge to be angry at God for letting me go through this, through out my journaling and answering the questions what I heard been spoke time was this : “God love you that he wants to show that power of his love for you through those pains and shame”. And upon that I caved the new word for my life which is a sister of motive but it is called PURSUE, and for now whatever that I do I say or wish for I have to ask what am I pursuing it for is it from Hod or the me God. I struggle with letting God have it, but I know He will enable to. Pursue after God and let home be your GOD.
Amen!! Praise God for showing you these things and giving you a fresh hope as you follow after Him!
Hope you feel better real soon, Renee!
I actually found myself laughing while watching the video, because you started to talk about going through your past again and I thought, “I’ve done that a million times and don’t need to do that again…” and then realized that I was crying and stuffing my face with food simultaneously while listening to you describe my exact life…the trying to create the happily ever after that you never had in your marriage. My poor husband has been through the ringer because of childhood scars and that all came to a climax 2 summers ago…he “out of nowhere” (how it felt to me) told me that he couldn’t take it anymore; the fear, the control, etc….and it was the worst because I had been trying so stinkin’ hard to be perfect, you know? lol. I was pregnant at the time and was unable to deal with what was going on…but God was so faithful and carried me through that season and reestablished His Husbandhood (not sure that’s a word) in my heart again, and things are better in my marriage than they’ve ever been. I am no longer jealous and consumed with the fear that my husband will leave me….but there are still some control issues that plague me…which is where the stuffing my face with food while crying came into play…IT IS A PROCESS. lol.
This video message was amazing. Renee speaks such truth – the truth of God that will heal our hearts. He made us, He knows us and He knows what we need… and just how to heal us. Praise God that He gives us a future and hope! God bless you Renee as you keep listening to God and keep speaking/writing the truth. God bless you all as you trust in Him!
This really made me think about my past and how I become almost jealous of how my step-daughters are treated so well by my husband when they are dealing with situations and I tend to say that they just need to deal with things on their own. I realize that I am being critical because I didn’t have the support I needed when I was younger. I was just told not to feel sorry for myself and never had anyone help me to deal with issues I was facing. This book and particular message is really helping me to pull out some roots from my life. Thank you Renee for listening to God when writing this book!
The verse “for i know the plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you2 has been a recurring theme in my life. I am so in the right place with this study. I finally got to read chapter 4 or start to and it is already talking to me about my own life. My pain and past hurts keep coming back and I feel like saying Why did my husband leave me, why me? I’ve gone through so much I don’t want to go through any more. I don’t want it anymore.
I need God to heel my pain and hurts, to heal my emotions, my spirit. I want to be the person he has made me to be and do all the wonderful things he’s got for me, but I can’t see it happening. I get frustrated and struggle to embrace what he is doing now. I don’t want to miss anything I want to know how to fully go through it all so I can come out the other end complete and whole.
I want ot be that person he promised me to support others in my peer group. To see other peoples lives changed. But i don’t seem to be getting from a to b.
As i was listening to the video I was reminded of the verse ;” I will restore the years the locusts have eaten” which was given to me. And i had the verse too at some point : “To proclaim the year of the LORD’S favour”.( the year of the LORD’s favour is connected with the year of JUBILEE when everyones debts was cancelled.) Have I missed it?
What have i done all this time? I was in Birmingham city centre today, enjoying the culture,arts,lots of people which i miss now i live in a small town., And despite all the good feelings I felt lost, Lost and forlorn wanting to be found. To find the real me amongst the mixed background I’ve had,the mixed emotions,the ups and downs. I wanted to be found and come into my own to walk in the perpurses that are for me. To find that confidence and security in the one who made me.
I have so much going on in my head it is hard to make sense of it all. i have my days when things seem so great but oh how much more do i want those days to be more frequent.
Thanks so much for the book and video clips etc something is definatey touching base and i hope i will be able to work through it all to fully change for the better.
Barbara
Renee – I wan to to first thank you for your story, and for sharing it!!! To be honest, I bought your book a while ago, and then when I saw the online study, I felt an urgency to sign up. Yet, I felt that I wasn’t a “candidate” on some level for this study. I felt like I might have other issues that weren’t related to a lack of confidence. My-of-my how God works! As I go further along in your book and this study, I am being deeply moved to ponder things I now know I have buried deep inside, that have caused me pain and an inability to feel the joy and peace I so desperately seek in my relationship with God. I have felt a sense of sadness and loss for so many years, and I have blamed everything from my never-ending anxiety from our financial struggles, to my husband’s dysfunctional family (which has had an impact on our marriage, of course), to my genes (my mother and sister have manic-depressive disorder). One night last week I woke suddenly in the middle of the night and my stepdaughter was on the forefront of my mind. I KNOW God was shaking/waking me at that moment. Because now as I work through chapter 4, I am realizing that there were painful things that happened to her years ago, when my husband and her mother divorced, and he and I later met, married and had a family. I believe God is using this study to prepare me for a time of healing with her, and with my husband. My marriage has not been healthy for quite some time, and I feel lead to believe that God is using not only this study, but my stepdaughter, as a way to open up doors that have long since been shut. It’s scary, and intense, but I feel God’s power working in me.
Please pray for me that I open my heart, allow the God of hope to search inside, and then to trust HIM with this entire situation. It is the only way that I will grow, and it is the only way I will be able to successfully navigate the tough road ahead as I try to work through these relationships.
Your story, and your teaching, together with the inspired bible passages you have provided, are shaking my world – in a GOOD way, even thought it’s definitely not without its challenges. God bless you, and may God bless all of the women in this study as they take this journey through our past, to lead us to a hopeful future in Jesus!!!
God can heal you and your family. Have faith and be blessed!
Again, I am so glad that I have been led to this bible study! All day yesterday I kept getting the same message. To let HIM into my heart and life. So much has happened to me over this past year, losing my mother for one to cancer, problems in my marriage due to substance abuse ( not on my part), problems with my oldest stepson with addictions and mental issues, money issues for the first time in almost 14 years of our marriage, etc., it seems like my husband and I are about to blow apart! There has been physical abuse, mental and emotional. I have helped to raise his sons as my own. My family took them in as well. My husband has always had custody of his sons from the beginning. Being the man that I met and the way he was with his boys, was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Unfortunately, he has become an enabler to them and they are always first. As young men now, I am made to feel as “the” intruder. I feel like a stranger in my own home. An unwelcome presence. I also live with non believers. However, their mocking doesn’t bother me anymore, and that seems to have stopped for the moment. The more I seek Jesus it seems, the more problems I have here in my own home. I feel like I didn’t have any “safe” place to turn to and have discovered that I can not do this alone anymore, and oh how I have felt alone! Digging up the bones in my closet is a really hard thing to do, but I am doing it. But this time, not alone. I feel God’s Grace! I am so greatful to be able to read all of these stories on here (sad as a lot of them are) and know that at least here, I am not alone. With prayer and guidance I feel a little stronger, a little less on edge and a lot more hopeful! I am realizing again, that yes, I AM one of God’s children, and yes I do matter. We all do. I thank you for bringing me back to Him! If it wasn’t for my friend and coworker, I might still be a lost sheep. I look forward to the next video and chapter!
Thank you again and God Bless you all! Thank you Renee for doing this!