Today I wanted to share my Chapter 4 video teaching message. In it, I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom.
{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.} 🙂
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about how God is speaking to your heart through chapter 4 and through today’s video message. Click “share your thoughts” below this post. I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary, so I recorded another little video message to talk/walk you through that process that I’ll share this week too.
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Asking for prayers…for a bold, confident heart. I will be speaking at a Women’s Retreat this weekend and have never done anything like this before. I am trusting God as I obey Him in this and so thankful how He has led me and taught me in the preparation but still am feeling anxious about the actual speaking. How comforted and thankful I am for this online community!
God,
I praise You and I thank You for this amazing online community that You have created specifically for Renee and her amazing friends. Your Word tells us that where two or more are gathered in Your name, You will also be there. God, thank You for showing up on Renee’s blog in BIG ways this week.
I thank You for how You are healing hearts, setting folks free from their past, releasing us from our pain and loving us in only ways that You can! I thank you for each person that visits this page. I pray God that You will continue to use it to bring Yourself honor and glory, continue to use it to change hearts for your kingdom purposes, continue to use it to draw each one closer to your heart, and to continue the work that You have started in each heart as they seek yours and as they seek to have a confident heart.
Your Word also tells us that if we seek You with our whole hearts we will find You and that You will set us free from the captivity of our past. Thank You for this amazing promise. Thank You that your plans for us include plans to prosper us and plans not to harm us. Thank You that You are our Promise Keeper and that those promises include You as our Hope and You as our Future.
I pray that You will go before each person as they continue turning the pages of Renee’s page. I pray that You will reveal yourself in new and fresh ways. Fill them with your courage to keep turning the pages and to keep moving toward your heart – towards the LIGHT – and out of the shadows. Meet each one at their point of need and give them the boldness to deal with the shadows that they may be living in. Please continue to move the knowledge of your grace from our heads to heart. Fill us with Your grace, mercy, wisdom, kindness, love, discernment, compassion, and self-control.
Fill them with the courage and boldness to forgive those who have hurt them. Boldness and courage to forgive themselves. Boldness and courage to share their hearts and their hurts with you. Boldness and courage to lean into you for healing. Boldness and courage to move forward toward the light. Boldness and courage to move forward in their reading of A Confident Heart. Fill them with confidence and give them the strength to hold onto their confidence and to not throw it away.
Wrap each one in your arms and in your presence. Fill them to overflowing with your grace so that they can be poured out and be extenders of your grace and your forgiveness.
“I ask God to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us”. (Ephesians 3: 14-21, The Message)
Amen, Donna.
Thank you, Jesus, for your great salvation, for your healing, and for giving us a new identity in You. I agree in prayer with Donna, and trust you to continue and to finish the work that you have started in us, and to use all the things in our past for our good as we surrender then to you. Amen
I have more to share but I just wanted to say thank you to you Renee and all of the women here for being truly loving and supportive. The prayers and words of encouragement are awesome. I have recently decide to truly seek God’s healing regarding the the very root of my problems which deals with trust and deals with facing my past. Thank you Renee for reminding us that God gave us hope for future. BTW this is my second going through the book (re-reading parts I highlighted and the answers I gave from the questions in the end of the chapter).
I read this a few weeks ago and had to ‘re-read it and answer the questions. Last week, keyhole I was visiting family in Texas, my boyfriend and I decided to take the time apart and seek God’s guidance in our relationship. He had admitted he hadn’t really prayed about it before and we both knew we hadn’t been obedient to God by dating so soon. On Tuesday, we decided to end our relationship. God had spoken loud and clear to us what we needed to do. It was hard but we wanted to be obedient. One of the things God had shown me was how I don’t see what He sees in me. How I don’t see the beauty in myself, the pain of what others have said to me and about me over the years. The heartache I carry and how I sought my boyfriends acceptance and looked for my self worth in Him instead of in Christ. This was my first real relationship and it hurt to let go. I still hurt. We are still friends and we attend the same church and I am close to his family, but I still miss some things. I don’t want to go through the healing process, it hurts. The last 2 days I have woken up and just cried. Didn’t know how to make it through the day without God’s strength. I am grieving over a loss even though I know it’s right, it isn’t easy. I believe and know that through this process I will be stronger and God will reveal a lot over time. I ask for your prayers, today is a good day but yesterday, I struggled. he Not just with the loss of a relationship but the enemy whispered all those lies about myself as a mother as a Women that I have been dealing with all this time in my ears. Thank you in advance.
The first time I read this book, I don’t even recall reading chapter 4. As I process this chapter know, I am so grateful that I have been praying for God to heal me from my past. When I was 11 years old I was almost raped by one of my brothers friends, while my brothers were in the room watching. Outside of my therapist, I have been holding on to this violation for 38 years, and throught this chapter I realized that I have not let go of all the angry, and hurt that this caused me. I though that through my therapist I had worked out all the issues that came attentioned to this violation, but I know that God has called me to heal in a different way. He wants by soul to heal… Sometimes when I get a flashback I become so angry, and feel very alone. This morning when the flashback came to me I felt different, I have mourn this and now I will let it go. Jerem: 29:14 I will be found by you and will bring you (Lillian) back from captivity. “I am freed by though his Love and Healing”
“Faith looks back and draws courage; hope looks ahead and keeps desires alive.” Praising God!!!!!
Chapter 4 really spoke to my heart. I have always been one to hold all my hurts and pains inside . I was the oldest child and felt I needed to be strong and hold it together for my younger siblings. And the last few years I couldn’t hold those things together any longer. I grew up in a home that was very unstable. My mother was bipolar, but not diagnosed until two years ago, and my dad was an alcoholic. In turn I grew up very quickly , and felt I needed to be the adult to my younger siblings because my parents were not. I put all that weight on my shoulders for so long. Right after I got married my parents got divorced. I knew it was coming , and didn’t really allow myself to grieve that. I had three kids very early in my marriage and about two years ago I could not keep ignoring my past any longer. I became angry and depressed. I didn’t reach out to anyone, and took a lot out on my husband. I felt unloved, alone, bitter, and resentful. I too expected my husband to fill those holes that my past created. When I felt like he didn’t I turned to another man hoping I would find it there. That affair created wounds so deep my marriage was holding on by a thread. I finally turned back to god and pleaded with him to save my marriage and get me put of this mess. Amazingly , graciously he did. It has been a year now , and The Lord is showing me places in my heart that he wants to change, forgiveness that I need to give, and the grace that he lavishes on me. The part in chapter 4 about god being able to use you past for the future is so very true. Now matter what your past looks like he is waiting to redeem you and give you abundant life.
To god be the glory !
Watched your video yesterday and again today using your message notes…I love that extra component of completing the message notes and reflecting on them as well…spending some quiet time thinking about the past and the role God has had it play in where I am today in my relationship with Him and in how I choose to live each day of my life…
Looking at the past is hard, but God has really opened my eyes to a few people that I needed to ask forgiveness from and I did that today. I praise God that I had the courage to stand up to my past and I know there is a lot more to deal with. I pray that he will continue to reveal his plan for me and I will continue to learn how to confidently follow Him.
I have to confess. When I read the part about writing a timeline about past hurts I wanted to cry. I have worked so hard over the years to put those behind me and move on. I do pretty good keeping it in the past most of the time. There are certain times of the year that I can’t help but dwell on the past. I strongly dislike this time of year. If I could skip over mother’s day and father’s day I would. My relationship with my parents has been a roller coaster ride for most of my life. They can go and have gone years without talking to me. I have had issues with my dad since I was very young. My issues with my mom began when I got married. I just don’t think I am ready to revisit all those terrible memories and feelings.
Someone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but are you aware that there is a lot of evidence that suggests that Moses was a stutterer??? If God can use him as His Voice and to lead His nation out of captivity, then He can certainly use you too! I am not trying to minimize your struggle. I am hoping to encourage you! When it seems hopeless, call upon an Aaron in your life to help you if need be the way that Moses did until you are confident enough on your own!
I had a hard time relating to this chapter, I wish it wasn’t so. I was Blessed with a wonderful family, good friends, and now a great husband, and I know God has called me his own and loves me, BUT I struggle with having hope in His plan for me when it looks so gray. I struggle with insecurity every day as a stutterer and am reminded of my hopelessness every time I speak. I long to be a great mother and to raise my children knowing and loving the Lord like my friends do, but feel I will be unable to teach them because of my limitations.
At this point I don’t know how I will overcome this. I pray for God to change my heart and give me His power in my weakness, but I am constantly reminded of my weakness. Today in another bible study I’m doing with my small group on Deuteronomy, Beth Moore talked about happiness, and I know I am happy, but sometimes feel like I could be so much happier if I could let go of my hurt and he healed by the Spirit. That’s where I struggle.
I’m praying I find out how to heal the wounds of my past, so He can start to recover my heart by praying about this has never been something I’ve done. I’ve viewed my stutter as God’s will for my life for 3 years now, and after praying for him to remove it for so long with no dismay, I closed that chapter of my life and moved on. The father knows my heart and already knows my prayers that I hide inside. After reading this chapter I think I’ve been embrarassed to talk about it with him, but don’t know.
I hope as I continue to read, the Lord will make it clear. I’m tried of feeling so afraid.
This study has come at such good time. I’m guessing when God knew I needed this most and could receive it. I have let fear and doubt control me for so long and it has impacted my marriage in such a negative way. I am finally seeing my sins in a clearer light. And while it’s never comfortable to see your sins, I’m thankful I can see them and by seeing and recognizing then, I can now do the work God has laid out before me to do and He’s using this bible study to do it. I’m seeing it in a different light. Instead of holding on to guilt and shame, I can let them go and place them in the hands of my heavenly Father and know He has forgiven me. This study has given me the courage to look at my past, my hurts and my pain and process it through Him. Instead of going to my old “what should I do mode”; I’m going to my God and asking Him for wisdom and relying on His promises. Trusting in Him. Thank you so much and I thank God for your courage and faithfulness to let Him use your gifts for our good.
I am so blessed and happy to discover your book and this online study. A song I heard recently (“Don’t Try So Hard”) by Amy Grant and James Taylor fits so perfectly with the message you are trying to enlighten us with.
It is wonderful to be reminded about your personal filters. We always seem to expect more of others sometimes. I’ve never realized my past could make me unconsciously resent my husband. I pray I can realize my disappointments and how they affect my here and now.
The scripture I’m hanging on to is Isaiah 61:1-4. I still am struggling with my daughter and her depression. I feel that this is all my fault. I wish I was there for her. I missed out alot of her growing up eventhough I was physically present. I found out she was sexually malested in grade school. I asked her was I so unapproachable that you couldn’t tell me and she said yes. That breaks my heart. Right now I’m trying to keep my sanity. I’m in a strange state with no job and no rreal prospect in getting one because she can not be alone with the baby at this moment. I’m asking God to give me patience. I just needed to vent.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom & insight. It’s hard to think sometimes were not alone in each and every struggle of our lives and yet there are so many other women and men dealing with the same afflictions and hurt that we are. Thank you for all that you do and encouraging us to become better (more devoted) Christians & children of Christ. 🙂 Thank you most of all opening your life to us and sharing your stories. 🙂 God bless you! 🙂
Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse that I cling to, it gives me a confident hope for the future!
Renee I am having such a life altering experience during this study. I am a note taker and find myself writing whole passages from the book. So much of your story mirrors mine, and although I know it was painful to go through, it has served to bless so many. It helps give me hope that there is victory on the other side of what I am going through now! Thank you
I love your ministry. I am currently doing your online study but have fallen behind….It is difficult for me to take time out of my day for me. But what mom out there would argue that one. I recently had a state worker (we are raising a couple kids not our own currently) tell me she is concerned because I seem to have it all put together. And yet have the weight of the world is on my shoulders…..she went on to say, not only do I have my own 2 girls I am raising, but 2 kids not my own and that may as well be like 7 kids….
Haha. It is interesting, challenging, sad, joyful and many other things doing what my husband and I have chosen to do. Not to mention the fact that only months prior to taking on these kids, God was and continues to work on healing our own marriage relationship from much sadness, hurts and pain we went through for too long.
Renee is so right that in order to heal we have to go through it with Jesus! He is our healer our strength and our portion for every single moment we face!
You see, God brings us where we need because ONLY HE knows what we are capable of doing to honor Him and giving Him ALL the glory!
God has brought my husband and I to a place that can only be explained through Him and His Grace! We cannot take credit for a relationship made new. And we can most definitely not take credit for 2 kids who were completely flailing and over the course of 8 months have begun to understand, themselves, what a true and loving family is with the guidance and Grace of a loving Heavenly Father!
Thank you for this ministry! I hope to make myself take some time
To catch up with the online study!!
Thank you for today’s video. Before I even saw your post a thought crossed my mind about cetain issues of the past and how I do not want to think of them (I guess in a way not deal with them/not bring them back to the surface because I do not want to roll back to the shattered heart state where I was when they all first happened). I am basically talking about a few broken relationships with people who were important parts of my life at some point (one for 12 yrs and another for 5). It’s just hard to accept that possibly they were meant to be only in a ‘few chapters of my life’ and not in the ‘whole book of it’. I have a hard time letting them go even though with both we had zero contact for a few years, the hardest times are of course the holidays that make me think of them even more or ‘anniversaries’ of some type. But as you said in the video, I must take a rist of dealing with the ‘baggage’ in order for it not to impact my future. Thank you for the gentle push and encouragement, and I hope I will make myself courageous enough to truly heal and accept God’s will for these two.
Thank you Renee for the videos and this study. Since I am a note taker I am thankful that you have included those. I find for me its hard to bring some past hurts or sins I have made but listening to you and see how God has brought you through it inspires me to want the same. God bless you
Not sure what things God wants me to process from the past. I do think I’ve been held back from God’s plan for me because I have struggled for so long with various fears and anxiety. I am asking Him to open my eyes that I might see the truth of what has hindered me for so many years. I have mild OCD basically controlled by meds but I can really get “stuck” at times and feel overwhelmed by such things as “did I do right? Did I do wrong?” It really can drive me crazy! Anyway I am asking God to show me whatever things from the past that I need to process with Him.
Need prayer right now please! I have a past like all of you but it’s my present that is causing me to be unforgiving, angry, and resentful toward my husband. I know that this is study is about letting go of past hurts but I’m struggling due to the turmoil in my everyday life. My husbands best friend is someone I used to call a friend. I’ve been told this by her also! The sad thing is that my husband is a Pastor! Shocking huh!!?? He has felt pushed away by me for years and has found love and understanding with her. She “gets” him, so I’ve been told. i have asked for forgiveness for my failures as a wife from God and my husband but i don’t feel forgiven because everyone else’s feelings and friendship is more important than mine.
I know we will get through this but I just need wisdom, guidance, and help from my Lord! Thank you all for your prayers!
Dear Rebecca,
I too am a Pastor’s wife and I will be praying for you. We are put on a pedestal and when hurt creeps in we often try to hide it. I pray that you can find the forgiveness needed and be able to restore the marriage and bring the two of you closer together again. The difficult thing is when a spouse has a “best friend” of the opposite sex it makes is dangerous in all accounts no matter who you are.
On a side note:
In reading chapter 4 this week I was touched by the section under “God Has a Plan for Your Life” stating If I am living and breathing God’s plan is not finished in me. I have a long way to go still but I want to keep pressing on and forgive those who have hurt me in the past and leave it there.
Kristy
Kristy thank you for your words of encouragement and for your prayers. I have been blessed with a church who dearly loves and supports me! Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. I am hanging on and praying that God would change my heart. I am starting to have resentment toward my husband and the “friend”. I hate that this is happening! 🙁 My husband has told me that he doesn’t love me anymore……..what do you do with that???
However, I’m not giving up! I know my Lord has a plan for me, although I have no idea how, when, or what will happen.
Thank you again and I’m praying that God will bless you, your husband, and your ministry!!!
Rebecca,
You are in a very difficult situation. It is crucial that you spend time with Him every day. He can shine light upon your heart, let Him do it.
I have been in difficult situations also. What saved me is arising early to be with Him. After a year of doing this, I am convinced He wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with Him. Sometimes He wakes me up at 4, 5 or 6:00. When I am woken up I feel that the Lord wants me to be with Him. I love to sleep. It is one of my favorite things to do but He is better than sleep. I no longer have a problem giving up some sleep-it’s worth it.
Give Him your time, your heart. He will speak to you and strengthen you and give you peace and hope.
Praying for you,
Charlene
Charlene since beginning this bible study, I have been getting up every morning at 5:30 am to connect with God, Renee, and the rest of you beautiful women! I’m trusting in God and His word believing that He will work all these things out for His glory!
Thank you for your prayers!
I enjoyed the video and looked at several more on utube. It was helpful..
I am on chapter 9. It is very hard for me to put the book down. I have learned a lot about myself and my life. It also help me to understand some of the choices I have made and why the were wrong for me. My husband said its a good book and he was proud of me and that meant a lot considering the way our marriage has been lately. I am going to complete the book and go back for a second time to make sure I understand and I didn’t miss anything. Keep up your reading because it will change your life and your views in a good way..
Such a wonderful message! Thank you so much for sharing your heart, so that we might allow Jesus to heal ours!
As i have been reading chapter 4 i there have been several things that i have identified with. But i have to admit, i just watched the video teaching and i feel frustrated. My past and my mistakes and my life right now are a MUCH bigger mess than what any ‘Christian’ teacher ever talks about. And then it’s frustrating to me to see that it looks like you have your happily ever after. So how can I relate to that? You’re ‘healed’, but you aren’t in the same struggle. You got ‘a’ happily ever after. A good husband, a beautiful daughter….. two parents raising her. Every thing looks perfect. From your hair and makeup and clothes / jewelry. So how can a single mom with no money who is drowning in life (past and present with a cloudy looking future) relate to that? I don’t mean to sound harsh or judgmental, which i’m sure i do. I’m sorry, but I’m honestly trying to get out of this place i’m in and i know i can’t do it if i can’t be real. And this is real. The feelings I just shared are what holds me back. Looking at ‘perfect people’ in seemingly ‘perfect situations’ telling me how great it is. I feel like you have no idea and so you can’t relate to where i am….. and i stay stuck.
Hi Nicole, it was very brave to post this and I hear what you are saying! Our struggles are different that’s true, but we all have the same Jesus who loves us equally! I’ve been in a similar place as you say you are in. It’s Jesus who wants to walk with you through your life, it’s Jesus who loves you and came to heal your past and bless your present. Cling to Him.
I have learned that the battle is not physical; but spiritual, we all look around us and see the “mess” we have made of things, it’s when we draw close to our Abba Father and weep in His presence that we are comforted. Sometimes we haven’t made the mess, it was inherited from our families so we become victims of others bad decisions, but God can break the cycle and that’s what He wants to do through this study.
Discouragement is a well used tool of Satan, he uses it to tell us: – what’s the use? things will never change; but this is a LIE! He’s distracting you from the reality of how much God loves you! God has a purpose for your life and each of your childrens lives as well!! If you were the only person on the face of the earth; Jesus would still have died on the cross for Nicole! That’s how much He loves YOU!
If you feel as if you are drowning in life, I pray you will find a godly woman in your local church to help you and shepherd you to a better place.I’m glad you are here online, please stay with this study and grow spiritually along with the rest of us.
I will pray for you Nicole! <3
I saddened to read that you don’t feel the people in your life can relate to what you’re dealing with. Even so, God always feels and understands your pain. He can provide you with hope and strength, and fill you up with joy and peace. I pray that You will draw close to Him and give Him a chance. Like the Samaritan woman who took a chance with Jesus, He can satisfy your thirst so take heart and don’t give up!
But Nicole, your story isn’t finished yet! God is still holding His pen and the ink is still wet! A few years ago, I was a single mom at war with my child’s father, battling all kinds of demons on my own, in a codependent relationship, and on the brink of suicide. I am now the mother of 3, married to a good man, and living a life that didn’t seem possible just a few years ago. I have to tell you though, that I have discovered that the “happily ever after” is not what I had envisioned and is not makes my story. What I have discovered, is that none of these things matter nearly as much as LETTING Jesus love me in all of those broken places. The outward things are wonderful and I do not take any of them for granted for even one second, but don’t let someone’s outer appearance distract you from your common struggle. That hurt doesn’t go away just because your circumstances get better That hurt sticks around and still has to be “loved” out by Him. I still struggle with all of those things even though if you were to look at a picture of my life you would think it was picture perfect. Healing is a process! Your story will be perfectly written for YOU and what Your God who loves you very much has planned for you and what will ultimately bring Him more glory than anything you could have ever come up with on your own! There are soooo many things that have happened in my life that would have caused me to run for the hills had He told me were going to be a part of my life. For example, I am married to a military man. I used to be terrified of change, so moving every couple of years has stretched me in so many different ways that I would have never volunteered for had I known the details! But praise God for knowing what I need better than I do! I would have missed so many blessings if He had allowed me to run this show! Be encouraged! He has a plan for your life that is so much better than the little ol’ happily ever after that you can come up with in your own mind! Do NOT believe the enemy’s lie that everybody else is perfect and that somehow your struggle is worse and things aren’t going to get better for you. IT IS A LIE. I bet that if you asked how many of us had believed that same lie at some point (or currently), that there would be a LOT of hands raised!
My hands raised! Well said!
My hand raised too!
Nicole…I had a Christian therapist who shared with me this statement ‘do not compare your inside stuff to someone else’s outside stuff’. That helped me when I was believing I was the only one who didn’t have a ‘happy ever after.’ It also made me realize how broken we all are…and our relationships.
We all have our own brokenness within us…we are lying if we say we are not.
I had to surrender to God to change my heart and believe the truths of God’s promises…not the lies I had believed my entire life.
My ‘happy ever after’ is in Him…me and all my stuff…and right now…I am letting that settle in my heart. It has taken me a very VERY long & difficult process of healing to believe that. I felt like I beat an addiction once I embraced that truth…it has ‘set a captive free’.
Hand Raised Big for you…praise & glory to Him who is right there with you in all your stuff. We stand with you.
Jennyp1973, just a quick question. I may be dumb but what does “amp” stand for.
In Christ Love
Angela2…not sure where you are seeing ‘amp’? it may be a typo? my fingers get too fast on the ipad sometimes…not sure tho:)
My hand’s raised!!!!! So well said! I also wanted to point out, our lives, our broken, bleeding, shattered places is where Christ loves coming in. He doesn’t want the perfect. He doesn’t want the “self cleaned up”, he WANTS and desires the REAL. Those ugly places, those hard nasty unfair broken valleys are our love story forming with Him, and that beautiful precious love story that forms in that timeframe, becomes the most amazing of testimonies that help others come boldly, and brokenly, and willingly, before Him. He loves you, and He is NOT done yet.
I saw a little film the other day that was so encouraging to me. The speaker was telling of Mary after the Angel of the Lord appeared to her and told her about the impending conception of Jesus. What did Mary do? She took her promise from God, and ran to Elizabeth, a woman well beyond childbearing years yet who was 3 months along in her own “pregnancy of promise”! So, when we feel we’ve been given a promise from God and we haven’t seen it happen yet, we’re not even sure there’s any seed even planted, much less fruit coming up, we need to go alongside to others who are already walking in their promise. Find an “Elizabeth.” Find someone who has been that single mom clawing out her every single day survival by her finger tips, but now has journeyed further down the road and learn from her. Let her encourage you. Let her teach you. Let her inspire you. Let her pray for you and support you. You are not alone. There are others who have struggled in the similar ways you are and have overcome and live *beautiful* lives! And my dear sweet precious daughter of the King, when you are further down your road and you can look back and see how God has guided you, how He became your “ever present help in trouble”, how he rescued and provided for you, then you have now become “the Elizabeth” to another struggling mom who can’t see beyond the next hill. There is so much hope for you, so much good in store for you. He is there with you, He hasn’t given up and He’s got no intentions of abandoning you no matter who else has! Your story already is incredible and you are doing an amazing job. Let Him see it out to completion, plans for good and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future secure in Him and all His goodness lavished upon you, His dear sweet amazing Daughter.
How can our Savior claim to be fully human, to understand human beings if he has never experienced human sin and guilt? How can a perfect, sinless Being comprehend my private agony of unworthiness? Does he know what it’s like to look in a mirror and despise what he sees looking back at him? Does he know what it is to wander through the ashes of a life destroyed by one’s own choices? What can sweet, sinless Jesus possibly know about the dark side of being human?
According to the scriptures, he knows more about the dark side than any of us. In fact, he knows more about pain, grief, loneliness, contradiction, shame, rejections, betrayal, anguish, depression, and guilt than all of us combined.
He experienced vicariously in Gethsemane all the private griefs and heartaches, all the physical pains and handicaps, all the emotional burdens and depressions of the human family.
He knows all these things personally and intimately because he lived them in the Gethsemane experience. He lived a billion billion lifetimes of sin, pain, disease, and sorrow. Jesus took upon himself the sins and the pains of all the world.
These truths have everything to do with our hurts, pains, and sorrows…
We have desperate needs:
* a mentor, one who has not just been through similar road but even a far worse one.
* someone who is not a stranger to our glaring imperfections, immaturity, and rebellions…a physician of mind and body … he must know the antidotes to the poisons we have inherited.
* a person who acts in our behalf not because of compulsion nor grudgingly but because of genuine care rooted in love- a constant, steady love.
* Someone who has the right, authority, and the ability to deliver us from the threats of bondage and the compounding of our misdeeds.
He knows the way out of darkness. He has experienced himself and has overcome it through His light. His light can overcome out darkness
Hi Renee,
I have not been able to watch any of the videos for the Confident Heart Study. Is it because I am in Bangladesh? I am able to download your notes.
I can relate to Renee’s story a little bit. I lacked a father figure growing up because I lost my dad when I was 8. There after my mom had a few “long term” boyfriends, but never remarried. Looking back, I missed those daddy/daughter moments with my dad. When I married my husband I looked to him to fill not only the husband role, but other roles as well. Because he was not living up to my “expectations” I became disappointment and therefore resentment and bitterness started to sink in.
Through my walk with Christ (and this study) I am learning that only the Lord can fill me. Even though my dad passed when I was younger, I can confidently proclaim that I am a child of God, and His perfect love fills me. I no longer look to my husband to be my “everything”. Instead I turn to Truth. Since owning this decision, I have been set free from the disappointment, bitterness and resentment I once displayed towards my husband.
I am learning that my hope is in Jesus; not man. I experienced some rather interesting trials this past year. I have been accused of lying, cheating, stealing and whatever and have done none of the above but what I am experiencing now is how to process my feelings toward myself and others because of it. the enemy (big liar) has tried to convince me that I am worthless but I am pressing through to what God says about me. I love this Bible verse this week because it is exactly what I need to get through. On the other hand, I have learned that I do not have to feel responsible for what other people think or say to me or about me. I spent most of my life being rejected, put down, treated and told I was nothing so I have had to really press in to what God says about me. This confidence I need is why God has brought me to do this study at this time. God is revealing to me Jeremiah 29:11-14. God gave that to me before the study so I really perked up when I heard you speak about on the video. Thank you for what you are doing to help so many. I try to encourage others and this is giving me more confidence to do so. I am learning each day that God really does love me and that’s why I need this Biblestudy.
Renee! Thank you so much for writing this chapter. It really spoke to me. I literally got breakthrough and clarity to all my anger. I have been struggling the past few weeks with anger, hopelessness, resentment… you name almost every negative feeling and I probably felt it. I was so lost and confused as to why I was this way, but when I read the part about the not getting the “happily ever after I had hoped for” I immediately got breakthrough. It was as you say my ‘aha’ moment. After I confessed my sin of all this anger and forgave in my heart towards my father and mother for not being what I needed as a child, I immediately felt the love of the Lord and His grace over me. It was amazing. Thank you so much!
I minister to widows and how this message offers hope for the grieving! Almost six years after the loss, I can look back on how someone so significant in your life being wrenched away with no warning can leave wounds that must be processed–looked at carefully, gently handled and cleaning so that absolute healing can take place and new plans and a new life can be started –plans that only God can create with a confident heart! Thank you for this chapter!
“We can trust God’s plans as we realize that His story is being written in ours” Renee writes this, powerly, in Chapter 4. When I read this, I felt the Holy Spirit move in me! This is, TRULY, right where I am, right now! It clicked…seeing it in plan English… Surrendering all of the things that have held me hostage inside suddenly made sense to me. If God has chosen me to tell His story, through my hurts, somehow it seems really much more important and freeing to let Him do just that! Instead of holding on to these things, that I’ve been trying so hard to figure out for myself, I had a Bigger Purpose of letting it go… My heart has understood this, until that moment I read it, my mind hadn’t made sense of this Truth… I have a reason to Trust. Also AMAZING! I was listening to the Hymn, Be Thou My Vision by Chelsea Moon, while reading. God has really made an impact on me here. Praise God! Thank you, Renee:)
Several years ago, I claimed Jeremiah 29:11, as the verse I claimed as a promise for my life. God is Truly at work in me!
Renee, after reading and journaling through chapter 4…I kept going back to Isaiah 61, especially verse 4 and your thoughts shared about letting God write our stories. I have always comforted myself and others by saying God has a greater plan and we may not know what it is but we have to trust him. It is this faith and trust as he carried me through the deaths of two of my students this year; Jayla and Eddie. Jayla had just turned 6 and Eddie would have been 6 on Christmas Eve. She passed on the 3rd day of school and he passed on Thanksgiving day. God certainly wrote their stories as well…and although they may have been short stories, they were full of God’s love and purpose. Sorry to go off on a tangent but this study is raising my awareness of many events in my past and present…and confirming my hope for the future!
I have been struggling in the last year or so with unemployment. With each rejection letter, email or non response, I feel my old insecurities creeping up on me and the next thing I know I am back in grade school feeling like I am not enough or good enough. I really appreciate this chapter because writing the timeline is going to help me deal with those past insecurities and also guide me through my future. I appreciate you Renee for this! GOD IS AWESOME!!!
Fourth chapter (hope)
As a little girl I could hear my mother say to all of her children, if someone offer you drugs what are you
going to say?? We answer no. My oldest brother and I was very close, we grew up in a poor area were drugs was the Norman. My brother did indulged in drugs, and got aids. I was in denial that anything was going to
happen to him. One day we had a big argument over something silly, we stop communicating with each other.
Now mind you this was in early 80’s when everyone was very much afraid of the disease. I wasn’t afraid of my brother, I had to much pride, and that got in the way of forgiveness. We never said few words to each other. I could now see in his eyes that he was scared, and that he was worried that he wasn’t going to see is only child grow up. Time passed, and so did my brother. I was beside myself, the hurt I felt was indescribable. I took his death very bad, all I could say I didn’t tell him I loved him. I ask God why did this had to happen. Then in the the early 90’s my youngest sister got aids, I made a promise to God, and myself that communication & closeness to my sister i will be there for her, I learned available lesson to forgive myself & my brother by being there for my sister I told her I loved her every time I was here. I had felt that God had gave me a second chance. I also lost another sister to cancer in late 90’s my family had it ruff for a little while, but my parents and I help raised their children most of them was very young at that time. I did go into some depression but, god has away of seeing you through it. Their kids are now all grown up, and some have children of there own.
I can are them in there grandchildren faces. God has blessed us with so many wonderful faces. I won’t tell you that we didn’t ask God why all these things had to happen to our love one’s, blaming him was not going to be the answer. Turning it over to him, to give us the strength to carry on was the answer. Forgiveness way the answer, for my family are we would had been dead inside and not living God’s promise. Hope is one of the many things that I chose to hold to.
I chose to hold on to.
You write beautifully and have an amazing life story! Love your wisdom. Wishing you blessings this day!
Renee,
How amazing is our God that He would reveal to me last week in my prayer time that I need to throw away the past and look to the future! Now this week with Chapter 4 in the book coinciding (we know there are no coincidences with God!) it truly has blown me away! So much pain and hurt from my past that has carried over to today that I need to pry it away from who I really am. It is a process and I know I cannot do it without Him! Thank you again for the courage to open up your heart so our hearts can be healed!
Although I know I am not the only women struggling with pain it is helpful to read that I am not alone. I’ve had many hurts in relationships with parents, friend and my husband. I really am not one to dwell on my hurts and thanks be to God many years ago I was able to give God my past. Yet, I still continue to struggle with a lonely, lifeless, estranged marriage. It has gone on for more than 20 years that my husband and I cannot seem to get along. We were both raised in Christian homes and our fathers are pastors. We even divorced for 5 years and then reconciled and remarried. I know its both of us but I have grown so weary of going to church alone, parenting my children alone, going to social events alone, sleeping alone. We barely talk. I thought I got through the hurt of our past. I know I am fighting not with flesh and blood but again, I’m tired of the enemy working overtime to bring me down. This study has really helped me as I was a person who never felt I was good enough. My dad never seemed to be pleased with me and my husband normally blames me for what goes wrong in our family or with our children. I have been really feeling confident not in my own self but in God’s love and then WHAM! the rug get pulled from under me and my husband brings me right back down. I fight to not allow my self to sink into depression but I’m at a loss. At times I have felt that maybe God was against me even when I know that is a lie. What is tough is my husband knows the Bible and will use it as a way to manipulate me to think its all my fault. I pray, I read my Bible, I have done bible studies, sought out Godly women to share and nothing changes. I am in pain but I just drown it out with the busyness of life so I don’t have to deal with it. Hoping that God will change us both. I’m sure the past pain has some bearing on my today but as I still experience the pain with no answer to “stop the bleeding” and start the healing makes me lose hope. I creates a “double minded” state that I know is not of GOD. Just don’t know what to do anymore. I continue to hold on to God and his faithfulness but not sure I can go another 20 years this way or even 1 more year. Thank you for your prayers.
Rebecca…your story breaks my heart because I sense your broken heart. There are times life feels so overwhelming to me…the enemy is attacking…again…again…again…relentless at times it feels. I will tell my friend or husband ‘I can’t wait for heaven’…I say that as a child with a confident heart that needs to be reminded of the promise we have waiting for us. The greater plan & purpose that my tiny mind can’t fathom compared to my BIG God.
He loves You, and He is with you in your hurt. I pray for you to embrace the hope of His promise for you…your name,Rebecca, is already written in heaven…and His on your heart.
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
In this video I am reminded of the times I need to stop ‘dead in my tracks’ and think about the past hurt that is creeping into today to make me believe that lie again. All the healing I experienced last year, this reprocessing has been the most helpful…not only for me, but my husband when we are communicating. I can stop myself and be authentic in the truth that I was believing the lie caused from a past wound…that caused the behavior of today to redirect it to the truth of today that I am loved…I am worthy…I am forgiven…I am complete in Christ. To refocus my behavior or thought on loving first and being open to accepting my husband’s love also.
How has this helped my husband too? He is able to recognize, accept, then move into loving me where I am at and not be thinking…what did I do wrong? why is she nit picking? what next? He has been with me in those hurts & healing, so being honest at the moment helps us communicate better. Sometimes he will call out the lie if I am too entrenched in the feelings in the moment…that has helped me too! Almost like ‘snap out of it’.
Part of my therapy also included a ‘family history of secrets’…which helped me recognize the importance of being authentic & processing issues together safely vs. ‘hiding from the shame’.
Did the timeline of emotional wounds in this chapter…already knew pattern was rejection, abandonement, unworthy, unwanted, & unloved…However God has been healing those hurts w/ me…love Him!
I’m learning each day how to try to listen to God (really listen). I know I hide from my past hurts, that I project my dreams ( my little girl dreams) on a lot of people, especially my husband, and I have to acknowledge them and accept that God has a plan. When I truly listen I will hear those plans. I have much fear in me but I also have hope and the hope is starting to break through the fear. I thank God for the little moments I have that keep me wanting to search for more, to find the courage to break the chains that I have bound myself with and knock down the walls I have built around me. I thank God for women like Renee who found the courage and share it with women like me who are still looking. And I thank God for all of you who are there to support each of us through sharing.
Thank you for sharing your notes via PDF and Word… so helpful!! My past hurts lead me to God!!!
As I am slowly digesting Chapter 4, God is really touching my heart and showing me His desire to fill the void that my daddy never did. Each time I open your book, Renee, it’s like God picks me up and places me in His lap and holds me while I read. I end up crying and He begins to heal the wounds left by my daddy. God told me today how jealous He is to be what my daddy wasn’t to me. My daddy never took the time growing up to spend time with me, or to really seem interested in me much at all. He was on drugs and too busy drinking and partying with his friends to spend time at home with my Mama and sister. I am thoroughly enjoying your book. It’s like we’ve lived mostly the same life. The same struggles with criticizing your husband and bitterness you mentioned in your video is the same struggle I have been fighting with for a while now. God just recently showed me why I was doing that to my husband. It all had to do with my unforgiveness toward my daddy and the bitterness resulting from that. I am so glad that God led me to read your book. Thank you for your transparency. It is helping me tremendously!
I think that after experiencing so much pain and hurt when I was younger, that as a young adult I tended to move on and let go too fast when bad things happened, if that makes any sense. I just moved on without processing anything. I think that at the time I didn’t want to dwell on it, because I felt bad enough and wanted to move on for my and my daughter’s sake. I wanted to be what she needed me to be, so I didn’t want to think about or have any feelings resurface that would get in the way of that. As I’ve gotten a little older, and as we go through this study, I realize that was not the way I should go about it. I wouldn’t be truly free or healed going on as I had. I have to have the courage to revisit those feelings and times that I don’t want to remember. It’s not always easy, but so worth it in our journey to freedom, just like Renee said.
Thanks Renee for the video and I look forward to the one later this week on the timelines, I know that this part will be difficult but one that I really think I need to work through! One of the points that stand out to me on this Ch 4 was “He knows all my failures and shame but He loves me completely” and ” deal with the past but don’t dwell in past.” I read these and then actually watched the link that Dove did on beauty (someone above linked it on her comment) and I know that like me it is a struggle for many of us on how we see ourselves so those two lines really hit home too with that!! Thanks for the encouragment and helping me see how to deal with past to move forward to build my future based on Him and His plans not on my past!
I must be honest – I didnt want to do the timeline. I did not want to look back and revisit the hurt. I thought I had moved on so much, I didnt want to go back. But perhaps that shows me that those events still hold a lot of pain for me. This is my second time doing the study, and I stumbled across the timeline I did before. Rejection – my fear of being rejected. My fear of being rejected is so big, that I dont put myself in positions to be rejected – or so I thought. Really, this study did help me the first time, and I have stepped out just a little bit more – nothing major and still very single, but in other ways. I also see that I do need to make the timeline again and see a bit more where God has brought me from. I was afraid that I would be shattered visiting all of those places again. But maybe not. I’ll trust in God to carry me through instead of trying to depend on my own strength to carry me through the memories.
Thank you for sharing this. I can almost say ditto. I don’t want to go back and look at the painful places. I thought I had processed them before, but I don’t want to really look at it too much. I am in counseling and I still find it difficult to look at the really hard places. I would rather pray for healing and forgiveness and move on. I am battling my fears and how to be confident in the Lord, to not throw away my confidence. I am struggling today. I could use some prayers.
thank you.
Praying for you evette. I did my time line this morning. I asked the Lord to be with me visiting those places again. It was strange how the emotions cames back. The overwhelming feeling that I had this time around was that I was inadequte. Always inadequate because of all of the abandonment and rejection. I pray the Lord helps me to process it it all. To understand it, and to show me – He does NOT feel the same way. He loves me. I dont deserve His love, but He loves me. He loves you too Evette. He loves all of us. Hold on to that fact.
I have a lot of pain from my past things I’m not proud of, but I also have gotten to the point where I can’t allow my past to dictate my future. If I continue to dwell on my past and not move forward then I will be stuck forever. I have come to realize that I have a story to tell a story that may help someone else. I can’t just sit and ponder on the what ifs that’s not getting me anywhere. My past is my past I can’t go back and change anything as much as I want to, but I can move forward and trust God with my present time and future.
After reading chapter 4 or for that fact the previous three chapters, I see where my doubt came from and if I want to go forward I have to confront the past and ask Jesus to show me how to process this pain that and fear that I carry with me. My parents were not the most nurturing and I became a people pleaser just to get them to show me some affection. I had to be perfect to get praise. so I will construct this timeline and ask Jesus to help me process it and move forward from it.
I believe my past hurts have actually made me as dependant on God as I am today. However, the Lord has been brining a couple old battles I may not have completely delt with through this chapter. The problem is: I don’t know where to start to pray about it. It’s ao deeply buried I’m even ashamed when it comes to mind.
Praying that God will direct and show you where he wants you to start. May the Holy Spirit who guides us in all truth direct your ways, reveal how much you are loved and comfort you in your fears.
Stephanie,
I pray that shame will not hold you back from seeking healing from God. “Shame” tell us “we are bad” instead of “what happened was bad”. God will never, ever shame His child. He desires to take that toxic shame off and away from you. I struggle so badly with toxic shame! It can be like an icky, inky, oily glue that swallows me and I can only shake off a few drops at a time. It is so frustrating, so I feel your pain. I understand not knowing where to start and the temptation to cut the memory off the moment it starts because the shame takes over! But I will share with you when I become overwhelmed of where to start, I do as Evette shared, I pray for God to show me where to start. When that memory surfaces I invite Jesus into it. Even a simple prayer of, “Jesus I don’t even know what to do with all of this, but please, right now, come into this part of my life. Come into this moment. Come into this memory. Make yourself known here. Redefine and redeem this.” And every time He has. Sometimes it takes me longer to work through some than others, but He never leaves it undone. He brings freedom, comfort, and release at the very end of it. And then I move onto the next one. So trust Him and follow Him. He will remove your shame and heal your heart. prayers for you!
About 8 years ago, I began to really open up to God and trust Him for the outcome of addressing my own pains. It was actually a very messy and difficult process (because it’s hard to let go and trust) and although my life literally fell apart, I never gave up on God. Now, I can say that He is restoring every area of my life on HIS terms…not mine. It’s awesome to watch the Holy Spirit work in my life and I know that I can trust in Him for the rest of the story. The key to getting through the ugliness of our past is to know who we are in Christ Jesus. Oh how awesome of a God we have! He wants to redeem us and fill us with a future of hope. Loved ones, take it from me, it is so worth it to let the light in and trust in Him for the outcome in all aspects of living.
Do you have some practical ways that God showed you how to do this?
In my life, I lived many years as a controlling perfectionist. Last year, God began to teach me about surrender. Since then, I have been slowly taking my hands off of things when God says He will take care of it. For instance, God wanted me to skip making reservations for a dinner party because He could produce a table for a party of ten on a busy Saturday night. The concept was inconcevable to me but God said He couldn’t open the Red Sea if I won’t leave Egypt. So i did and miraculously, He came through. I was so scared at first but my faith has slowly grown and I’m trusting God more and more and don’t care much about appearing to be perfect all the time.
This chapter and video really touched my heart . I started the timeline and reflected on past hurts and ask God to begin the healing process. Unforgiveness had me bound but I am thankful I can truly say I have the victory in this area. It was not easy but daily I seek God to keep me free in this area. I am truly hearing God speak through His word Isaiah 61: 1-3 and Jeremiah 29. Thank you God for this group.