Today I wanted to share my Chapter 4 video teaching message. In it, I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom.
{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.} 🙂
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about how God is speaking to your heart through chapter 4 and through today’s video message. Click “share your thoughts” below this post. I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary, so I recorded another little video message to talk/walk you through that process that I’ll share this week too.
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Oh boy did this hit home with me. I have been experiencing increased resentment and bitterness toward my husband. I was divorced after 17 years to my high school sweetheart and experienced deep feelings of disappointment and rejection. I’m remarried now and thought that I now had my knight in shining armor. I have know him for many years professionally and saw him as a confident, strong, powerful person who was going to protect me and take care of me. It is both our second marriages, he is a widow. Before our wedding I was asked to sign a prenuptial agreement. I could process this intellectually since we both have children with our previous spouses. The emotional side of me not so much. It really hurt. My feelings of not feeling good enough surfaced and I felt less than…….. since our marriage 2 1/2 years ago we have experienced unexpected changes in his career. The financial obligations from his private practice and debt accrued before we were married are affecting us and our future. This is the root of my bitterness and resentment. However, God is working on me through this study! I have let go of the bitterness and resentment because I know God will take care of me and that as in Isaiah 46-10 I know the end from the beginning, from ancient time, what is still to come, I say “My purpose will stand and I will do all that I please.” I put my trust in God and feel much peace! Thank you, Renee, I so appreciate your teachings!
I haven’t read chapter 3 or 4 yet, I am behind to say the least and I haven’t watched this video but I just found myself at work, typing a message to my colleague and when I typed the word confidence in the sentence about some management not having enough confidence in me, the flood of thoughts and emotions that tell me maybe there is a reason they don’t hit me hard. I have an 8 month old and I am struggling with being a working mom. I never thought I would even think about being a stay at home mom but it just seems more and more that that is where I should be instead (I have 5 beautiful step children as well so plenty to do at home).. I appreciate my job dearly. It is a really good job and so many are not fortunate enough to have one at all. But I struggle with confidence being the only female professional in my group and being young. Now I’m not happy with the work and a big piece of my job, one of the only pieces I enjoy, has become a political project and has been taken from me. I started the project and now somehow management slowly removed me from the entire thing. I don’t have girl friends and I don’t share well because I feel like everyone has their own struggles and I should just support them but I felt like this would be such a safe place to share. I have a certification exam to study for after work but I think this book is going to cuddle with my baby girl and I first! 🙂
Thanks for sharing. It sounds as though God is paving the way for some changes in your life, whatever they may be. It’s hard to let go of the old and embrace the new, but I pray that the Spirit will show you which way to turn. Meanwhile, may you find confidence in His strength, that He has your best interest at heart in everything. May you be blessed today!
Renee praying that you will feel better…..
Isaiah 61:1-3 has a special place in my heart. I’m so happy that Renee brought it into the reflection questions….I long to see beauty for the ashes, the joy instead of mourning, to praise instead of despair, to comfort those who mourn.
My greatest strides as I was an am healing became encouraging others in my pain. If I didn’t/don’t, I sink in the darkness. The time lapse between beauty and ashes, the joy and mourning, the praise and despair is a time of testing for me, I feel. Because I DO believe that the God who designed the entire universe would ever make a mistake with my life…He longs to make things beautiful…even the bitter circumstances He even said we’d go through. Sometimes, they are the means to the beautiful masterpiece.
I read a story of how one who was scraping the bottom of life resolving to go to her grandmother’s for advice. The grandmother meanwhile boiled carrots, eggs and coffee beans in 3 different pots.
20 minutes later the strong carrot wilted and lost strength in the adversity of the boiling water.
The egg, with its soft heart center hardened in the “trial”….such as a death, a break up, a financial hardship.
Or the coffee bean, actually changed the very circumstance of the pain…the hot water became fragrant and flavorful…changing the situation around it and becoming better in the process.
I pray that we’d all be like the coffee bean…sometimes the most fragrant things can’t release its beauty until it is crushed. May you see the beauty of what God is making you into. Even though you can’t see it, someone else just might.
This is one example of that on a surface level:
http://www.upworthy.com/2-people-described-the-same-person-to-a-forensic-artist-and-this-is-what-happene?g=2
May God bless you all beyond your imaginations and turn your RAIN into RAINBOWS!!
This is one of the most amazing videos I have watched in a long time. I struggle so much with self-esteem issues. The only time I look in a small mirror is to put on makeup. I avoid having my picture taken at all times. All I can see is ugly. I have a wonderful husband of 32 years, two amazing grown sons, and a lot of great girl friends. But, I can never get passed thinking I don’t deserve to be loved because I can only see the ugly. Thank you for sharing this video clip. It has given me a lot to think about.
Sweet Sharon, I totally understand where you are coming from. I know the thoughts personally and I know the IMMENSE AMOUNT OF JOY that it robs too dearly. I single-handedly ruined many precious memories because I had scales over my eyes and heart as I looked at myself in extreme distortion, as well as fear of other’s opinions. I still regret that to this day 🙁
On top of everything else, the early years of my courtship with my husband consisted of running away from the compulsive camera taking tendencies that he had, IN ADDITION to needing a “subject” for his then photography class assignments. I look back at those pictures and relive the extreme insecurity in my eyes (if he managed to capture them as I literally had shots flying away from the camera.)
And yes, because of the insecurity, I didn’t feel confident in the love he wanted to give me. I cannot iterate what that did to my life. The only thing that broke this curse in my mind were a couple of things:
1. I realized that the Creator of the Universe doesn’t make “junk”, and it was like insulting Him when I would rather believe the evil one’s lies than His Truth.
2. I took my eyes off myself and started loving others in the community, volunteering and teaching. The interesting part is, the pictures of me after I started doing that were actually reflected great physical differences in me as well….something from the inside came out. It always catches me off guard when I compare the two phases.
3. I understood that there was a battle for my mind, and the moment I let into discouragement, the evil one won…knowing that it would DESTROY what beautiful relationships and opportunities I had and would have if I believed the lies.
I can tell you one thing for SURE…it looks like there are A LOT of important people who think you are beautiful inside AND out!! Keep believing the one WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE CAN’T TAKE HIS EYES OFF OF YOU!!!
Pillar, thank you so much for taking time to respond to my comment. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I admit I am not in the Word every single day, and I know that has allowed Satan a foothold in my mind. Your points are valid, and I will certainly incorporate them into my life. Knowing others are/have struggled with these same issues gives me hope that I too can overcome insecurity and self-doubt. God Bless You!
Your friend,
Sharon
Sweet Sharon, God is always by your side! Be strong, wear your “armor of God” (Galatians 6:11-18) and LET HIM (and yourself) LOVE YOU!! You are a gorgeous gem!! My prayers are with you always!! May God bless you beyond your dreams!!
Love in Christ, PILLAR
Renee, awesome has usual! Listening to your story brought tears, more like puddles, to my eyes. Our stories are similar. I am a recent newlywed and I expect my husband to be this knight in shining armor. I often get frustrated with him because I feel he’s not “doing enough”. When I am not happy, I feel he should be the one to fix it. He will ask me what it is I need and I quickly tell him that I don’t know. All I know is that I am unhappy.
When I did the timeline, I realized that I have years of hurt, pain, memories, and words that handicap me. When I was 6 months, my parents separated. My dad moved in with his parents. Although I would stay with them every weekend, I still didn’t see my dad. He was too busy with other women and living his life. When I was 11, my mother died from cancer. I moved in with my dad’s parents and him, but as I stated I still never saw him. When I was 16, the grandmother that was raising me died from cancer. I felt so alone and lost. My dad’s niece and sister started being really mean to me and saying hurtful things. They would always tell me I would never be anything, among other hateful things. My dad never took up for me because he wanted to keep “peace in the family”.
For years I dated guys that we’re mean and abusive. It was like I was looking for a father figure. And I had many hurtful friendships with women because I wanted a mother figure. And I could forget about trying anything new! I automatically thought I would fail because of the hurtful words of my aunt and cousin. I was just a mess! So to find a man that love me flaws and all and wanted to marry me…. WOW! I thought that he would fix everything… NOT!
Thanks to a friend who got me to start going to church, I discovered that I always had a father, and a mate…. JESUS! I still have my days, but I keep praying. And joining this bible study with all these awesome women of Christ is amazing! Your teachings and stories are a blessing to me. Each day gets better and I feel myself getting stronger. I am finally able to confront some things and let some things go.
Thank you to each of you, and God continue to bless Renee and this OBS.
Thank you for sharing! What an inspiring story. My heart breaks for the pains of your past, but God is using it for your good and His glory. I can totally relate to feeling unhappy but having no idea what would make me happy. At which point, I just turn everything to God and let Him fix it. While your husband cannot fix everything in your life, God put him there for a reason. May He bless your marriage and help you.to inspire Godly growth in each other.
I love it that God has a plan for me, a good plan!!! Realizing today that my food addiction has been around a lot longer than I thought….going on 20 years now–that was about the time of my divorce–I ask God to help me, but I know I have not been willing to do my part 🙁 I now know there is HOPE for my future….I want to seek Him with ALL MY HEART–He will lead me out of captivity….Time to Change…Thank you, Daddy God, for revealing this to me!!!!
Thank you, Renee, for your wonderful teaching video!
I am having a very hard time with this study. I know I need to go thru this and this is where God will bring His healing to me. I grew up in a home where I never felt safe, love, protected, good enough for anyone including God. I was sexually abused by my mother’s second husband from the time I was 5 till I was 16. My mother said she suspected something was going on but never asked because I didn’t tell. I didn’t tell because I was praying to God to help me and no help came. I was date raped when I was in college (I went to a Christain College) and had an abortion. I thought God was punishing me. All I could ever see was my failures and punishments. My childhood imagine of Him was one who punished, not very loving . . .Kind of like a angry grandfather. One time I asked my mom if I was pretty, she laughed and said no, I brought home straight A’s and was asked why they weren’t A+. I am 49 yrs old and still fight feeling like a child. I am a wife of 28yrs, a mother of 2 wonderfull childern and Grammy to 4 boys. I spend so much time trying to please everyone I know and feeling like I am not doing one bit of good. My mask is so thick, no one knows how scared I am all the time.
I was in the shower this morning, on my knees praying. I was asking God to forgive me, show me how I can make Him happy, how I could please Him. To please show me what I had done wrong so I could try and make it right. . . I turned on Pandora and the first three songs dropped me to my knees . . . Lead Me to the Cross, followed by Trading My Sorrows and then By Your Side. I am still hurting, but I know that my hurting will finally be healed. There are going to be some deep scars, but the bleeding will stop soon. I am afraid to do the timeline, but I will. I will seek Him always, He will turn my ashes into beauty.
I am sitting here debating if I should delet this post. I want to, but I am not.
Thank you Lord for using Rene to bring this healing to so many of us! I give You all the honor and glory. Thank you for Your mercies and grace! You are our healer! You are Amazing.
Cyndi, thank you so much for sharing your story! It obviously took an incredible amount of courage to write it, let alone post it! Please know that God is pleased with you! You are His precious Bride, His Beloved Child, His Beautiful Princess, and His Valuable Friend!!!!! I used to look at God as an angry Father who was waiting to pounce on me for every mistake I made. Every bad thing that happened in my life seemed to be a punishment from Him that “I deserved.” Those are lies of the enemy! He loves us just the way we are–after all, He died for us while we were yet sinners–and wants the best for us! Once I stopped believing the lies of the enemy and started believing the truths of God, my whole outlook on life changed, not to mention my relationship with God! I’m praying for you, dear sister, that God will reveal these truths to you and that you will finally be set free! Bless you!
Praying for you, Cyndi. I can relate so well to what you said, ” I spend so much time trying to please everyone I know and feeling like I am not doing one bit of good.” Sometimes, I also feel like I need to earn everyone’s acceptance, including God’s. But thankfully, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am already loved and accepted by God, so I don’t need to try so hard. I just need to rest in His grace and whatever He calls me to do, He will give me the strength to complete it. I just have to remember to receive it. May you find peace and hope in Him today. God bless!
Renee, thank you for your teaching and your encouragement and your openess and honesty. I have had the same feelings toward my husband and I am praying for God to guide me through this process.
To all of my sisters who have been sharing your comments, your hurts and your wounds, I am praying for all of you. Please don’t ever give up. That is exactly what the devil wants us to do and we have to refuse and rebuke him. God is good and He will always bring good from every situation in our lives if we seek Him with our entire being. We cannot know the ways of God, and even though He doesn’t remove us from the circumstances in our lives, He will and does give us the grace to go through and He will bring good from every circumstance. I feel an incredible closeness to all of you and I want to thank each one of you for sharing. I am praying for all of you (and me) and I pray that God will bless each of you and each of your family members. God Bless.
I love that God has a plan. God is taking me on a journey to heal from my past of sexual abuse and at the same time show me how to heal with him.
I will be honest I am enjoying this study but I am having a hard time with not having a small group to discuss with. Its harder when its online…
I surrendered my life to the Lord 14 yrs ago, I have had my share of bumpy rides, but I believe God’s promises and live daily depending on Him. As I’ve been reading this book, things of my past, as I mentioned before have come to my heart. But today as I read the remainder of chapter four…I felt my heart stirring with alot of feelings…especially when I got to Page 73….*Like you…. where Renee wrote I wonder where you have been and what you have been through. Are there things you have done or things that have been done to you……..Renee also says on page 76 God wanted to finish what He started.. my heart just keeps stirring, and I know its the Holy Spirit, doing the stirring….Renee asks What story is God wanting to write in your life? Will you let Him? I found myself wondering about this and …..wrote yes…as Renee suggests I am going to write out a timeline of my life with the Holy Spirits help…. I know I have come from broken to beautiful with God’s unfailing love…I trust Him with my all…..Since the stirring in my heart I feel like God wants me to share my life….so I will get started with my timeline and will be praying….I must admit I feel a little anxious, but go back to this scripture I just love and hang on too….Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus…..
When I started watching the video today, tears started streaming down my face and I had to stop the video and process all of the emotions that were rising to the surface. I grabbed my journal and wrote four pages of “Messages” I have received throughout the years. Things like, “You’re not good enough! Your opinions don’t count, in fact, they’re stupid! You’re not fun to be with! We only invited you because everyone else declined! Your very words cause irritation, frustration and anger! Your choices are terrible, so are your ideas ; they don’t fit in with our ideas and choices–in fact you don’t fit either! WE REJECT YOU!!!!” I had to forgive all those who had wounded me–knowingly or unknowingly–repent of the sins of believing the lies of the enemy and for rejecting those who had rejected me. There were sins of jealousy, bitterness, resentment, self-pity and pride (to name a few). I asked the Lord to wash all of this with the Blood of the Lamb, to heal the soul wounds with the dynamite power of the Resurrection, and to fill me with the Glory and Light of Jesus! I asked Him to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Needless to say, I feel so much lighter! Thank you, Renee, for this video and for helping me to face the “icky” stuff I was holding deep inside. It feels good to get it out!
Thank you for sharing, Gloria. It’s helping me to let go by remembering that while others may have unknowingly hurt me, I unknowingly hurt others too. But His blood is enough to cover over everything, so it makes so much sense to forgive and forget. I’m encouraged to hear that you feel so much lighter now. God bless!
I am truly grateful for this study! This chapter has brought to surface some unforgiveness that I thought I’d forgiven. Past hurts that I thought I dealt with, however have resurfaced, in which I believe God has been nudging me to no longer stuff down. (my way of dealing,in the past) I’m learning and it is a day by day,moment by moment, process in taking it ALL to my Lord and Savior. Thank you Renee! Thank you Jesus! And to all my sisters-in-Christ, thank you for posting and being so courageous in opening up and sharing. You have inspired me to open up and feel safe here. God is so good!
When I saw these video, I felt like wao!honestly this message was really for me,for t’he past two days I hav been battling with my past,which came hunting me. I was in a relationship,but later we broke up and ever since, I have not been able to move on, I have been in §ø̲̣̣̥ much pain,and t’he moment I took a decision to let go, I feel empty, I keep praying but will not let all go §ø̲̣̣̥ it comes again,but this time I said I dont care whatever it may cause me but am gonna let go and seek God’s purpose for my life.Renee thank you soo much for these words of encourage,am bleesed with them and it is a motivating power to keep seeking God’s will.thank you because you just spoke to me.
Thank you, Renee, for writing the book, for being transparent with us about your past, for your video teaching, for encouraging me to deal with the hurts of yesterday and to process the pain of it so I can experience redemption and embrace everything God has for my tomorrow. To tell you the truth, this is my second time reading your book in the last two years. The first time I read chapter 4, I was angry. I didn’t want to deal with yesterday, I couldn’t imagine how my story can help anyone and i didn’t really want to share it with anyone. I wanted to forget the past and let God write a new story. I know I was running from my past, it was too painful. The thought of sharing my story with anyone made me sick to my stomach. So I ran from it… but deep down in my heart I knew though that I needed to deal with it, that was the only way to experience healing. You see for the past 5 years I have been dealing with lots of unexplainable health issues, went to various doctors, from one treatment to another with no significant improvements. Somehow it was all stress related. I am thinking now stress of not understanding and dealing with my past hurts, stress of living behind a mask. When I heard you were having this online Bible study, I knew I needed to do it. And here I am sitting in front of chapter 4 again. It doesn’t make me sick anymore like it did a year ago, but it sure brings a lot of tears. I think God has been preparing me for this during the last year. I think I am ready for God to restore my ancient ruins and restore the broken places in my heart but i am so afraid to be hurt in the process again, afraid to fall apart, afraid to have panic attacks again. Where do I even begin? Can’t wait for your next video!
I had a hunch that this is a book that takes several readings! I’m saddened to read about your health problems, but have faith that God can heal you! He wants to restore us. This is my first time reading the book and this chapter was tough! I also didn’t know where to begin but upon praying, one memory surfaced, and I felt God saying to me, just take this one memory at a time. So I did that and it’s one step in a long journey but I’m walking behind The Lord, and I pray that you can too! God bless!
I guess the first pain I discoverd, to feel not loved enough by my parents. As I can remember I was afraid of my father, when I was about 4-5 years old. He was very scary for me at that time, later he was very comanding. Also also missed the affection of my mother. They hurt me a lot, by not knowing what is really going on in my life. But when I got older I learned to forgive them. They tried their best in their abillities to raise me. Than I got married, to my prince charming, I thought. But he was very bossy and controlling. He thought he is Mr. Perfect and he treaded me like dirt. I tulk me 12 years to break free from these marriage. I,m still not able to forgive him, what he did towards me. After that I made an other bad choise, to fall in love with an alcohol addiced men. These relationship chatterd me in pieces. But every time I had to re-new my self. I guess that GOD sended me these lessons. First I didn’t understand why. But now slowly I think I understand it. It helps me a big deal to see now things from a diffrent prospective. Thanks to GOD for this opportunity.
This chapter has hit me hard, after reading through all of the post and crying through much of them, I know I’m not alone.. My whole life has been filled with nothing but twists and turns just like everyone else. From the time I was born my life has been very painful. Before the age of 3 I was abused sexually and physically by my step-father, until the state took me away and I was put in foster homes. After about a year of foster care I was finally going to be adopted, so I went for a “trial” to see if I was going to fit well with the family. As I was there, the man “going to be dad” was sexually abusing me for his pleasure so I stopped eating “that was the reason they didn’t go through with the adoption” finally I was adopted to a family, all things were good till about age 14 when my dad moved out, I felt betrayed, hurt and blamed myself for their separation. At age 16 I was with my boyfriend and we were driving around, I saw my dads truck at another women’s house. I felt like the one man I trusted for so long let me down.. And I knew my dad was committing adultery since my parents never divorced. I see now that I was RUNNING from things, I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. I then became pregnant at age 17 looking back I thought this was a way to keep a man.. But I know now this was not the correct answer. About a year later I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. I forgave him and we stayed together, but he made it a repeated act so I left him. (Another guy I couldn’t trust) when I finally decided to get married at 21 my husband became controlling, to the point that if I wasn’t home from work at a certain time he was out looking for me. He also accused me of wanting to go to church so I could cheat on him with the priest. Later I found out 2 months after we got married he had an affair and got someone else pregnant. At 25 I married again to a man that started to emotionally and physically abused my daughter by grabbing her by the throat, flashbacks came to mind and I RAN leaving me with another divorce. I felt like the world was crashing down on me.. Two years later I moved away from everything wanting to start a new life. I met another man married he 2 was abusive, so I left, Finally at age 33 God gave me the man he wanted me to be with, a few months after we got married I was raped by a man I didn’t even know, I was at a birthday party for a friend when he put something in my drink, dragged me through ally’s so know one would see, he took me to a half way house where he held a gun to my head, pad locked me in with four locks, and forcefully had sex with me, told me I was the biggest baby he had ever known, I had bruises up and down my body. That whole time I was praying and begging him to let me go, at noon the next day he through my cell phones at me and told me to get out he had enough of my whining.. Lets just say I ran for my life and freedom!! I hated God for this at first, then I realized God was with me the whole entire time, I am alive because my prayers were answered. But I questioned that at first “why would God allow something so painful to happen repeatedly to me by men” and since I just got married to a wonderful Christian man?? Why?? Even though I have forgiven the man, And its in Gods hands, I do live with fear.. But I keep reminding myself to have Faith and the Lord will protect me from the evil doers. I cannot allow the fear of man to keep me captive, I need to let the Love of our Lord shine through me to comfort those. Isa 61:1-2 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because The Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted , to proclaim freedom for the captive and release from the darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of The Lord favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, this speaks volumes to be!! I will not let evil doers have control of my life, God has shown me the light of his wonderful salvation through this journey, I am blessed to know him, he is the Father that Loves us unconditionally, we are only here for a short time, even though the most tragic struggles we can truly find Peace and Hope in him!! God Bless all of my Sisters!! My The Lord touch each and everyone of You!!
Melissa, your story touched my heart. I’m praying that God will take you through this journey victoriously (and I know He will)! This scripture came to mind: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Melissa you are a very strong person to be so open. God holds you in his arms. Psalm 23;”he leads Melissa besides quiet waters, he restores Melissa’s soul” , “Even though Melissa walks through the valley of the shadow of death, Melissa will fear no evil, for his rod and staff they comfort her. He is proud of you.
Babs.
Melissa Joyce Meyer once said that courage is not feeling fear, it’s walking through that fear but always with God. One thing God has shown me is that He not only restores but he makes all thing new!!! When we give God our hurts , we don’t usually forget the memory of it , but he takes away the feeling that was connected to it. And I really think its because He takes the bad and turns it it for good to those who love Him. He will use it as a tool for other girls who are in the same situations . I am sooo sorry u went through all that but I do know this letter u wrote is touching so many people , girls that may not want to live through something like that and you have just given them great courage to go on. My true prayer for you is that alllllll the pain to every memory you have will be broken off in Jesus Name . Thanks for sharing
Melissa,
I read through your story in awe. What an amazing victorious woman you are to have literally walked down “the valley of death” and yet “proclaim the year of our Lord’s favor”! Melissa, do you know what an encouragement you have to others sharing this testimony? You write so candidly it is easy to feel your pain, your confusion, your emotions, and your confidence and trust in the Lord towards the end. There is so much abuse, you are not alone in this, and I know your words will help usher other beautiful sisters of ours to the feet of our Lord, that He may comfort them, heal them, bind up their wounds, and restore gladness for despair. Thank you for having the courage to share your testimony and journey. Please keep speaking out to others. I would not be surprised if God chose to use this in your ministry to God’s other hurting daughters. Beauty for ashes for every one in Christ Jesus in Jesus’ name!
Learning to live in the security of God’s promises is a daily journey of dependence…. this is really speaking to me this week. It is something I keep hearing and reading over and over. I believe the Lord is really trying to engrave this on my heart. I think that all the things I have been through, all through my life, have caused me to be very independent. The Lord wants me to truly depend on Him. I love the Lord, and I accept Him, but I don’t think I have totally surrendered my hurts and pain over to Him. Those places seem to be so deep, and so covered over with scars. I want to be free of all of this, I want to be surrendered to the Lord…I want to depend on Him. My prayer today, is that God would penetrate those deep dark recesses of my heart, that He would heal me and lead me to depend totally on Him…Please Lord, please
He wants to heal every part of you, so don’t give up. Just keep praying and giving your fears and hurts to Him, and let Him take care of you. God bless!
“Daily journey of dependence on Him”… so so so beautifully put! Loved those words. I hope they stick with me, because I love that visual. It is my journey, and it is my goal, all at once.
Years ago I dealt with the pains from my childhood – alcoholic parents, threat of divorce, being molested over and over by a ” family friend” and more that haven’t only been dealt with but have been removed from my memory completely by our dear Lord. However, I am now understanding, by reading this book, that I must not have understood the full implication of that forgiveness because I am harbor ing regret and unforgiveness in my heart toward myself over some bad decisions (and life changing ones) that are haunting me today because of the consequences I have to deal with now. These decisions were made AFTER I went thru the process of finding and healing the hurts of my childhood. What I am now discovering is that I did not change my pattern of behavior, rather than allowing new hurts to be healed immediately, I have stored them up again! It’s like I emptied the box only to refill it! This time, with God’s help, I am going to empty it and throw it away! God is now helping me to deal with the two “biggies” that have impacted me for over 10 years now.
Alice R…love the visual of ’emptying the box to fill it up again’…I don’t know if my box will ever be empty. I am sure I will put other things in it in the future, but I will remind myself that it is filled w/ Jesus…and hopefully that will make it harder for me to place ‘things/people’ in it.
I have read this chapter 3 times. I am scared to do the time line. scared of what it may reveal. I know I need to because this chapter and the video have been so powerful to me. I’m trying to let go, and let God. I love Jeremiah 29:11-13. But, WOW, Isaiah 61! And how you broke it down for me, Renee, knocked me to the floor. this is on page 68. Powerful!
Angie,
I understand the timeline feeling overwhelming. It’s hard to look at the past hurts of our lives all laid out bare in front of us, and yet still discern that it isn’t ganging up ready to whollop us all over again. One thing you can do that Renee mentioned is just do it a little bit at a time. Maybe just one event at a time. Take that event, identify what the “lie” was that you learned from it, “unloveable” “unvaluable” “stupid”, these are things my timeline revealed… it helped me to remember these events happened yes, but those things I took away and started to believe about myself because of those events are not necessarily true. I am not unloveable because Christ loves me. I am not unvaluable because Christ died for me. If Christ is of the most immense value to Father God and yet God loved us so much as to ask Christ to sacrifice His life for us, THAT shows *tremendous* value to His heart! I am not “stupid” because I have the mind of Christ and Christ certainly wasn’t stupid. I may make foolish choices sometimes yes, that is my human nature, but because of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me those mistakes do not define me, Christ DEFINES us through the authority of His blood, Who He is to us, and who we are to Him, and who we are within Him. So, take it one event at a time. Look at the lie you picked up, then face that with the Truth of God’s Word, which is almost always a direct opposite of that lie. If the lie is “rejected” the truth is I am not rejected because Christ has received me into His family. If it is “dirty”, I am not dirty because Christ has washed me completely clean and made me whole through His blood, I am a new creation through Him. If the lie is “incapable/incompetent” then the truth is, I am capable and competent to do everything through Christ Jesus who strengthens me, empowers me, gives me wisdom, and walks with me. Try this one event at a time. Take a couple days per event if you need to. Look at that lie, define the opposite of it, then take THAT word and look it up in the back of the Bible to find scripture to stand on. It’s okay to take it slow. It’s okay to work on this timeline for weeks or months. It IS a process, but freedom in Christ is worth the process! Stay in Prayer, let Him lead you. Let Him love on you. Let Him prove Himself faithful and mighty to save you from the bondage of your past and break the power of the lies that have held you down for so long. “Where the Spirit of Truth is, there is freedom”… doing the timeline brings you freedom through Christ who died to give you that freedom! The timeline although it may seem daunting, it is important. Take it to prayer and let Him strengthen you as you take each step. If “a lie left unchallenged becomes the truth we live by” then it is a good thing, and a right thing, to seek absolute truth through God so that we only let Him define us, and once we know those scriptures and we know those truths to stand on, then we can learn to stand with confidence. Praying for you! I know it is hard, but don’t give up! You can do this! Christ Himself stands ready, willing, and compassionately able to *gently* help you along the way. He so treasures your heart. He doesn’t want you to hurt anymore.
I am so grateful for this study. I am now at the place I am ready to heal from my past. My parents divorce when I was 13 and I buried and have been holding on the pain and hurt of rejection and abandonment from my dad. He left me to deal with my mom. She was very mental unstable and he was my buffer from her. He left and I felt so unprotected and vulnerable to her abuse. My mom as since passed and I have healed and forgiven her. And I believed that should be the end of the pain. I thought she was my the source of this deep pain. It wasn’t until recently it was truly my dad. I love my dad and I have a close relationship with him. But I have all this unresolved stuff that I have been carrying around physically, mentally and emotionally. My relationships have suffered because of my not letting go and allowing God to fill those dark, lonely and painful places. This study has opened my eyes and heart to knowing I can and will heal and God will be with my every step of the way …filling as I let go!!
Madeline,
As I read your words it reminded of a book that I read by Stormie Omartian. She has an amazing story to tell, similar to yours. It is called, “Stormie: A Story of Forgiveness and Healing. You can buy it on Amazon for about $8.00
Forgiveness, in some situations, may happen bit by bit…like eating an onion sitting on a shelf. We take it off the shelf and take a bite of it…it is painful, maybe only able to eat a little of it… then put it back on the shelf, to pick it up later and deal with more of it. Layer by layer the pain is felt, then we ask God to take it away.
Someday you will be able to completely forgive your Dad- great joy will be yours. Your strength will be from overcoming.
Charlene