Today I wanted to share my Chapter 4 video teaching message. In it, I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom.
{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.} 🙂
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about how God is speaking to your heart through chapter 4 and through today’s video message. Click “share your thoughts” below this post. I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary, so I recorded another little video message to talk/walk you through that process that I’ll share this week too.
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I did the timeline and kept seeing “rejection” as the feeling that came up over and over again. I find it hard to believe that anyone accepts me or even likes me. It makes me distant and quiet and doubt myself and my abilities. I never venture out to do new things for fear of failure and people saying, “why did you try that, it’s obvious you couldn’t do it” and laughing at me. I constantly seek others’ approval before doing anything because I have no confidence in myself. I’m praying for things to change in my life because I want to be what God created me to be, I just don’t know what that is and don’t have enough confidence that I can do it right now.
Praying for you. I was like this for many years too and one thing I noticed is that I’m constantly afraid of being rejected by others, I “defend” myself by rejecting them first. Like you, I was quiet and distant. It took some special souls to reach out to me, and it took time, but I’m better now. God can help you too, don’t give up!
Thank you, Julie! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. 🙂
Staci, praying for you and for all of the other ladies here too. I feel rejection through out my life as well and it really has kept me from living. I talk myself out of doing things because I just assume the same thing will happen and I live in a shell. I am thankful for ladies like Renee who will invest their time and share their stories and their walk so that we may find freedom from our past.
I have fallen behind on my reading this week but I wanted to say what a great video! To know that God has a plan for me and that He loves me and wants to redeem and restore me is just amazing! I can really relate to putting expectations on my husband and being resentful and critical to him for things that had happened in my childhood. I was so dependent on him to make me happy. My parents divorced when I was a baby and my father was no part of my life. I grew up thinking that a man in my life would make me happy and after I got married, I expected my husband to be my everything. I have had a lot of healing through God and fortunately my husband has stayed by me and encouraged me. Starting this study, God revealed to me that though I didn’t have a great example of love through my earthly father, He has given to me a wonderful husband who has loved me and stuck with me over the past 15 years. As I grow closer to God, I am able to let the past fall away and know that my future is in the Lord’s hands.
I am going through a program called Celebrate Recovery and this perfectly dovetails and enhances my healing!! Courage to look and hope to look forward!
I wish I could do celebrate recovery with you.
There is not much of a group around here
I’ve heard wonderful things about the program!
Yes!!!!!! It does!
I too went to celebrate recovery it help so much and was a great group. I now go to a great church that helps me greatly. Good Luck in your journey In Christ Love
NEVER GIVE UP
i have been going through celebrate recovery for 2 years and it has helped me work past my denial and work on my issues. God has brought me through some amazing stuff in the last 10 years. its awesome to see his had at work. also there is a movie coming out this weekend called homerun based on recovery. its an amazing movie i saw it last year when i went out to the cr summit and also saw it last night. trust me u wont be disappointed. mary
What time and channel? I will watch In Christ Love
Its actually in movie theaters. Its such a good movie. Very inspiring.
From I what I gather on the email list and video this chapter speaks volumes to me. I’m currently reading two different books. One is entitled Hiding from love which totally ties into this study. I’m continually looking for material to help with healing hurts. In looking back their are many painful memories and events but my response has always been the same, run. I avoid conflict and hurt like the Black Plague. I feel God teaching me to grow and mature in this area. In Christ I am more equipped and able to process pain and hurt. My initial response is not healthy because I have doubt when it comes to confronting hurt. Instead I will runaway by being withdrawn. You can be somewhere physically but your heart can still run for the hills. I think I found my next study to start . Can’t wait.
May God give you courage to stop running and find healing. He is always right there with you!
I am so glad to see you including the verses beyond Jer. 29:11. That is quoted so often but to going on to the next verses really gives the promise of hope – when we pray, He listens, when we seek Him we find Him, He will lead us out of captivity. What an amazing promise that we don’t have to be stuck in our “yuck”.
Amen Deb. I’m going to right that verse down to read everyday. thanks In Christ Love
It takes many years sometimes to filter all the hindsight thoughts out of your mind. The thing I have decided to do was concentrate on the blessings. I know God has helped me look for the brightness of the future and to push back on the ugly memories. I just try to concentrate on the great things HE has done for all of us who draw our daily living close to HIM. It works.
When I was a little girl I felt unloved and insignificant to everyone and to God.
I felt misunderstood and ugly, I remember wearing a new blouse to school in Grade 5 and in a quiet moment, looking at the sleeve of my blouse and feeling that I was unworthy of this blouse and I felt sorry for the blouse that it had come to be worn by a nothing like me! This one incident stand out in my mind so strongly about that little girl who felt so bad about herself that even her nice clothes were to be pitied.
My life wasn’t traumatized by abuse or divorce, in fact we were a Christian family; but there were problems in the home and my sensitive nature somehow absorbed the pain and hardship my mother had due to her circumstances of raising a large family new to this land. Two nervous breakdowns; one right after my birth and the second 7 years later must have impacted us kids. She had a difficult relationship with her mother due to losing her father when she was three years old. Our family histories have a long shelf life passing down through generations, but there is hope for the future. I do believe my parents did the best they knew how and this helps me tremendously in the healing process.
I have received much from the Lord and praise Him for His faithfulness, He continues to heal me and help me work through tough emotional issues for which I give thanks. I KNOW that by doing this course I will continue on this path. Thank you Renee! To all the other’s out there, stick with it and reap the benefits, it’s a crazy world out there and this is a safe, soft place to be and receive from the Lord.
Amen!!!! I so, so, so needed to read your post, Charlene.
Hi I thank you for your encougemnt ladies. I have been keeping this to myself and a few of my relatives and friend. Now I think its time for me to share this painful experience. On the 25/12/2012 at 3 am I woke up to find a man standing beside my ben holding a crow bar and a knife the first words he said to me was give me money, I said i didnt have money and he pointed the knife at me and asked me if I wanted to die, I then opened my purse and gave him what was in the purse (P40), he then said I should undress and while I was undressing he was pointing the knife and warned me not to scream. This man raped me. While he was raping me I was praying and he thought i was on the cell phone he threatened to kill me but i told him I was praying and he asked my to put my hand on air. After raping me he left I sat there crying and asked God why this happened to me. Then I said to myself if not me then who then (my daughter, my sister, my mother or my neighbour), and I just said no I wouldnt with for anybody to raped as this is a very painful thing to happen to anyone. I was angry, felt dirty and emotional throughout the holidays. I went for counsselling and thought I was okay. I forgave the culprit or so I thought, but everytime his smell comes to me I get angry and emotional. Im glad I could share this with you and ask you to pray with me. I know I can forgive but I cant forget. God be with you ladies.
I am praying. I am so sorry.
I’m praying also. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes, shedding light onto a dark secret is a great way to start letting go. May God see you through in this healing process.
I’m praying for you also. So sorry this happened to you.
I am praying for your healing! I’m so sorry!
Praying for you and healing. Matthew West’s song, Forgiveness, is amazing! It will be a long process for you. So sorry this happened….prayers and hugs to you.
Will be praying
I am praying for you too! only God has the power to make you feel whole and clean again. May He wrap His loving arms around you and give you peace and comfort now and always.
My heart aches for you. Prayers for God’s love to heal and comfort you.
Rape is a crime that should be reported to police authorities.
As believers in Christ Jesus I believe we have a right to protect ourselves from violent perpetrators such as this Gertrude there is a lot to your story that you left out, like how did this person acquire access to your home, did you know the person etc,etc.
The good news today is that,it does not matter to God what type of traumatic situations that has happened in our lives or in the lives of our friends and family,when believers in Christ have the manifested presence of God in our lives it can break the chains of pain, hurt and oppression and bring healing and restoration to our wounded hearts,minds, and spirits.We don’t have to be overcome but more than conquerors through Christ that strengthens us.
Father, I lift Gertrude to you right now. I pray that you will wrap your loving arms around her and help her to know that you are there. Help her with this very difficult situation, You know her heart and her struggles. May she sense YOU in her life like never before! Heal her emotions and hurts. We don’t always understand why things happen to us but we know we live in a fallen world however YOU will never leave us or forsake us! No matter what this world throws at us YOU will be there helping us through! I love you Lord and I thank You in advance for the help You will give to Gertrude in the coming days. Amen
I too am praying for you. I do hope you reported this to the police…I am not a therapist but that could be part of your healing process.
Gertrude: my dear sister in Christ, my heart goes out to you. Have you ever heard of mending the soul? It is a Christian based book and workbook that helps women (and men) work through abuse. I would encourage you to work through it with a counselor or small group. I am a mts group leader at my church. This was not your fault. You did nothing to cause this. Praying for you.
I am praying for the Lord to clothe you in His love and beauty. May He give you strength in every trial you face today and everyday stemming from this horrible act. I pray He bring your attacker to justice and repentance. I pray You feel Jesus with you, I pray you sense Him smiling at you and holding you in His arms of compassion. In His holy and precious name I pray.
Thank you for having the courage to share. I am sure there are others reading this that really needed to know they were not alone in suffering and your obedience was just what they needed to start their healing process.
Hi Gertrude I too am praying with you and for you. I know the kind of pain Rape can bring and as well as the other feelings. I was rape twice growing up. first by my real father ( I was 7 yrs) and them by a stranger
( I was 15yrs). I pray we both can forgive truly and completely. In Christ Love.
Gertrude, love and prayers are with you. It took courage for you to share your story. I am so very sorry to hear of your pain. You are in my prayers.
Rene,
I press on. I am surprised that this book and your words on the video are totally what I need. Although God has healed much in me, as you yourself say, it is a process. God is revealing to me more areas that need to be brought to the light…brought into His presence, for healing and release. Oh, that’s my One Word for the year. Release! Sigh…onward. Thank you for this…am sharing on my blog at some point hilights of this journey with you here. So many sighs…but it is good. In His Grace, Dawn
Thank you for sharing your own experience with us! I have been dealing with a lot of issues from my childhood and young adulthood that I thought were done and over. But God uses all things for our good and everything that I have been going through has opened so many doors for healing in me, doors that I never knew needed to be opened. I see my life and the world in a whole different way now. God is Great and He will get us through all the hurt and pain just to fill us with His joy, His peace, His love. Thank you again for sharing! Blessings!
Sorry for the typing errors I am on my tablet and i hit an extra key when i hit the space bar.
This week especially I am under attack from my past and my husband’s past. First an email from an ex boyfriend who wouldn’t commit after 7 years and a reminder of that pain and regret and then my new stepdaughter tells me that she wants me to know that she loves me no matter what and even if someone says they don’t like me, she will “trick them” by saying she doesn’t like me too but really she does love me.
I feel like I had just started processing the pain from the ex boyfriend and get some grounding when that floored me again. I’m in the ring of a fight I never wanted to be in and keep getting knocked out. Before I have a chance to get up and shake off th punches, the next blows come.
My husband says that this is proof of God’s mighty plan and design in our lives otherwise there wouldn’t be a reason to attack.
I’m expecting my first child and all I can say is GOD PLEASE SEND IN A REPLACEMENT AND PUT ME IN A SAFE PLACE. I want out of this fight.
Hi Brenda,
Just want to say that you put into words something that I haven’t been able to define when you said “I’m in the ring of a fight I never wanted to be in and keep getting knocked out. Before I have a chance to get up and shake off the punches, the next blows come.”
Each round I think I’m progressing, getting better, renewing, then come the multiple sucker punches beating me down again. I haven’t ever doubted that I cannot fight this fight without Him, but I doubt myself so much that somehow I try to fight alone, & end up more isolated & alone. It is confusing to me that I know I can’t do it alone, but I still insist on trying to do it that way. My hope is in Him alone, my confidence should be in Him alone. And I just reread what you said about sending in the replacement & it occurs to me that He did send in the replacement, maybe we need to figure out how to tag out, get out of the ring & trust Him to take care of it. harder than it sounds if you ask me, but I’m not gonna give up or throw in the towel, even tho I feel like it so often – practically every day in fact. But I encourage you to hang in there, too. If there is any other constant in this life, it is that things WILL change & we don’t wanna give the evil one the satisfaction. God bless you!
Thanks for the video. I just wentcthrough a very hard weekend. My fathercin law passed away in Junw 2012 and so my husband and I moved in with my mother in law to assist her. She is losing her vision. Uglly words were said on Saturday. I have many past hurts with her, with my husband. I processed through forgiveness and I apologized for my part. But I am still hurting. I realize that the approval I want will need to come from God. The love and acceptance I want will need to come from God. I have signed on for this task, but quite honestly I feel as though I have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Today, i will seek God. Dear Lord, bridge the gap between fhe love, approval, and acceptance that i receive and the love, approval, and acceptance that I need. Amen
Hi Diana My Prayers are with you. God will never leave you a lone so lean on him always. In Christ love
Hi Diana my prayers are with you. God will never leave you so lean on Him always. In Christ Love
Thank you for encouraging us, Renee, and I’m thankful to be doing this study with so many wonderful ladies. Like everyone else, I have a long list of hurts and pains from my past that I need to process. But I’m very hesitant to go down that road. I’m afraid of uncovering past hurts and, like Renee said, get stuck or become overwhelmed. But after reading the chapter and watching the video, I see that God wants me to jump in, even if it’s just one hurt at a time, He can heal them.
So, over the last couple of days, one memory has sort of re-surfaced. Even though I was too young to remember the details, I recall my mother leaving one night. She and my father must have had an argument or something, but it was late and she was leaving. I recall asking her where she was going and she must have responded with something benign. My childhood mind assumed she was going to the store, so I didn’t pay much attention. She came back later and that was that. I was only about three years old.
Years later, my mom brought up this incident, almost in a joking fashion, that it was the only time when she tried to “leave” my father. In the intervening years, I was a third party to most of their fights and arguments. My father had an explosive temper and my mother was prone to nagging. My mother made many comments throughout the years that if it weren’t for me, she would have left my father long ago. I was an only child and for a few years upon emigrating to the United States, I was her only confidante. By day, I observed my father’s frustration and dissatisfaction in trying to adjust living in a new country with few friends, no credentials, and little money. By night, I listened to my mother as she poured out her own fears, struggles, and insecurities about herself and our family. I was only eleven years old.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she had left. I also wonder why she would consider leaving without me. Was she that scared?
I love my parents; they were good to me for the most part. They did the best they could in a difficult situation. However, being unbelievers and unable to find hope in anything other than themselves. So they worked harder, pushed me harder, and hoped for the best. Well, I’m thankful to say that God blessed them, and me. But what do I do with these hurts from the past? Can they be so easily excused? How can I forgive and let go? God has been gracious in helping me with other memories too, but sometimes, it feels like a never ending reel that just keeps on playing. Do the ends justify the means? I await His healing….
Julie, something that helped me to deal with past wounds was to say the same words Jesus said from the cross: “Father, forgive them! They don’t know what they are doing!” Most people don’t realize the hurt and wounds they inflict upon us. They are just reacting to the pain in their own lives. If we can forgive them with the love and forgiveness that Jesus showed toward us, it makes it a lot easier. Forgiveness isn’t saying, “What you did was ok,” it is saying, “I’m not going to hold onto the pain of this any longer!” Unforgiveness doesn’t put other people in prison, it puts US in prison! That’s why Jesus told us to forgive–so we can be set free! Praying for you as you walk through this valley. And, YES! IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!
Thank you for your kind words, Gloria. You are right, forgiving is important. Sometimes, I just get used to holding onto things and afraid of letting go. But God is doing a new thing and change is on its way. Thanks for your prayers!
Julie thank you for sharing your heart, we just need to be wiling to forgive and god does the amazing rest of it. Praying for you.
Hi Julie I have been remembering a lot of hurt from the past and I have not even finished chapter 4 yet. My brain is will to give it a try but my heart is not. Every time I pick up the book to finish the chapter I start to cry, so I put it back down. I do not know what to do. I’m scared because I don’t want to go back to my old self. I was not a nice person while I was drinking. Bring up the past scares me a lot. I pray all the time for God to heap me understand what he wants me to do. Please Pray for me too that I can finish the chapter and God helps me to forgive others and myself ant to move on to better things He has in store for me.
In Christ Love
Jeremiah has a much stronger message today than before. I have overlooked the freedom that comes in living this scripture. Thank you Renee for new insight. I read page 81 yesterday and realized, anew, that I have choices to make that indeed bring me freedom through my PaPa and our growing relationship we share daily. The question remains, am I willing to choose freedom through Jesus and come back to the well of life or remain in the captivity of my doubts? I choose freedom, even if it comes with tears and pain.
Thanks for the video today. Going through a really difficult time right now and I am using the wrong filter. Your story of family broken by divorce and your happy ever after. I too have that story. Can’t wait to see the next video. Thanks again Renee.
“YOU ARE A RUNNER “, This statement is my label and has been since I was young. Anyone that has ever been close to me has walked out of my life. I did not realize the label I have on my back was TRUE OR UNDERSTAND , until reading chapter 4. I am not close to anyone. I do not share my feelings with anyone. I figure they will just leave like my grandparemts did when they did nothing about the abuse i went through as.a child, or when suposedly best friemds who know your secrets swear they will keep in touch whem they move. It never happens. My mom walked out of our lives when I was a teen . So to deal with the fear of abandonment I RUN OR SABATOGE THE RELATIONSHIP. Unfortunately, this has been my pattern with GOD. SO I RUN, BOLT, LEAVE ….FIRST. This way i am the controller. I am so thankful to have been prompted by A FRIEND TO DO this STUDY. It has been a blessing in my life so far. THANK YOU !!!!
I too am a RUNNER. I run away, escape, before I can get hurt. I’ve been hurt alot in my past and I have WALLS UP with everyone. Can’t get close to others. I want friends and relationships, but I too run away or sabotage the relationship – first – so I’m not the one getting hurt. But I’m walking thru life hurt. I don’t want to run away from God anymore. I will choose to believe He is always here for me; when I run or when I stay. I will pray for you Chris, and I, today, that God teaches us to TRUST Him and others. That no one is perfect; we will get hurt in this life but to try to BE IN relationships is what He wants for us.
Christine, thanks so much for you prayers and words of encouragement. I can’t tell you how
much it means to me, to know that a complete stranger, sister in Christ is praying for a stronger relationship with others and God………. for ME !! I will pray for you also. I so do not want to be RUNNER anymore and I really do not like the label. Along with ths runner label I also get “You are so hard hearted”, I don’t want that either. Although, both labels have seen me through so many situations that I knew if I let my self feel it would be the END ! So again THANK YOU !!
Thank you Renee for the courage to write this book. I now read chapter 4 for the second time and after watching your video I cried. Hurt and thoughts came to mind from my past as a little girl. I realize that I never felt I was good enough and that is why I am so hard on myself today. My two sister received praise for excellent grades, how beautiful they were, their large group of friends, and having boyfriends. I wanted that praise from my parents and others. Instead I was told you look like a mini Maggie (my mom), try harder and your grades will improve, your too quiet that’s why you don’t have friends…..etc.
When these messages are stated over and over they are drilled into you….I am going to try the time line and walk the journey past these hurts so I can embrace my future with HOPE. I didn’t know then but now I do, that what I needed was God’s unconditional Love!
Amen Ruth. I have realized too, after reading the first three chapters, how important it is for me to truly know and accept God’s unconditional Love. Without trying to analyze my situations anymore, I try to just let go and let God be my only measuring tool. If I am pleasing to him, then I have done well. Easier said then done sometimes.
Amen Ruth And Carolyn I too realize a lot from my past still kind of scared to face it. If I can’t forgive myself how can God forgive me. I keep reading chapter 4 and I know God will make it click for me. Please pray for me to move forward. I love God so much there is nothing I would not do for him. In Christ love.
I love when you said to look at our hurt, past, or pains of today through the filter of God’s power not through the filter of our past and what we have been through or even done. This was a very concrete articulation of God’s grace to me and it was almost as if I saw myself set one filter down so I could pick another one up. The thing about God’s filter is he helps me carry it and it allows what is coming through the filter to not seem so weighted. Bless you for how you speak in real terms that touch an everyday mom.
I agree with you Christy. If I truly chose to look at my current situations through the filter of God’s huge power instead of through the filter of my past, my life, my attitude, and my hope would be transformed. I WILL choose to look through the filter of His power. I am a bit daunted at the time looking back at our past hurts and processing them with God will take, but I am also longing for the healing it could bring.
Cannot wait to see the next video this week
amen! it takes courage to walk in obedience, especially when you know it means walking through some valleys, but i shall fear no evil for God, Himself, IS with me. I’ve incredulously asked God where He was in my darkest hours and He lovingly showed me He was there and how He was working on my behalf. I encourage all of you ladies to call upon Him, for He WILL answer you and show you great and mighty things as you look toward the future!
http://adjustedsails.wordpress.com/2013/02/20/the-glory-of-it-all/
I need prayers today. I have greatly enjoyed this study so far and feel like God is really working in my heart to be real with Him and others, but for whatever reason, last night I slipped back into the doubts and fears that I do not really belong to Him and that He is so far away. I know that He is never far away from us, but I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me that God will show me the truth and help me to deal with this the way He wants me to. I have always been insecure, but seemed like I was moving along in my relationship with Him and now i’m even questionning if I have a real relationship with Him.
Praying for you Ashley. I know it can be a constant battle I caught myself in that same old cycle today at work. I sometimes wonder if my prayers go past the ceiling. But then something will happen to show me He is hearing me.
Ashley,
Recently I was bombarded with lies, attacks and criticism from within myself. I knew I needed help. I took time to stand up to the lies by calling upon God and reading His words. Within 20 minutes I was freed from the lies and I was back to normal. I think understanding darkness (fear,criticism and discouragement) and where it comes from (Satan), how to recognize it and overcome it is just as important as learning about God’s light and love.
Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light-He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness.
I think it is important to understand and accept that darkness exists-but not to dwell there. We know light exists-we feel joy, goodness and love. God’s light is real!
Spiritual light rarely comes to those who merely sit in darkness waiting for someone to flip a switch. We must act and call upon Him. The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but the night always gives way to dawn, the light will come. The darkness will surely fade, because it cannot exist in the presence of light.
With Christ, darkness cannot succeed. Darkness will not gain victory over the light of Christ.
He will come to us in our darkness if we call out to Him.
praying for Ashley. here is something I got today
In Christ love
Often we do just the opposite of Noah. We worry about the details over which we have no control, while neglecting specific areas that are under our control such as attitudes, relationships, or responsibilities. Like Noah, concentrate on what God gives you to do, and leave the rest to him. What details do you need to entrust to God?
Hope you like it. Only concern your self with the things you can change and let God handle the rest.
Thank you all so much for the encouraging words! Just this morning, God showed me once again how much He loves me. The Holy Spirit brought back to my heart the fact that Jesus died for me and rose again for ME and that since I have asked Him to save me, it is done! I don’t have to be perfect-He is and already paid the price for my sins. Thanks for the prayers…keep praying for me. I truly appreciate your replies!