Today I wanted to share my Chapter 4 video teaching message. In it, I share how God walked me through a process of looking back with courage – so I could move forward with hope. He helped me identify things I didn’t even know were affecting me and gently led my heart on a journey towards freedom.
{Are you a note-taker? If so, I created “Video Message Notes” in a PDF format here or in a MSWord doc here, just for you. Even included key verses and blanks to fill in.} 🙂
Let’s Connect
Let’s talk about how God is speaking to your heart through chapter 4 and through today’s video message. Click “share your thoughts” below this post. I’ll be here reading and praying over each of you and your stories. {Also, I know the timelines I encourage you to create might sound overwhelming or scary, so I recorded another little video message to talk/walk you through that process that I’ll share this week too.
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Renee, thank you so much for this book!! You really help us to see that we can learn to let go of pain.
Not that we can forget – but, we can have freedom to leave it with God.
These chapters are so down to earth and helps and wants us to share it with other women.
Since there is no real way to give you a hug, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze knowing that you are being thanked and appreciated.
The Lord, is using you in such a powerful way.
I struggle so much with my past. I divorced in 2002. My ex has moved on and is remarried. And I am still processing all the emotions I feel. I keep wishing the divorce never happened. We are both Christians. I keep beating myself up over things I should have said…ways I could have acted. How I could have been a better wife. Maybe we would still be together. I feel like such a failure. I have asked God to forgive me for the divorce. I see what I did wrong. I am just feeling hurt from it. Is this….normal….after all these years?? Shouldn’t I be “over this” by now? When will the healing- complete healing- come?
There is no standard grieving period for a divorce, so yes, what you are feeling is normal and valid because you are God’s daughter. I’m saddened to read that you are still hurting and blaming yourself. God forgives you and He can help you forgive yourself. Turn these thoughts and emotions to Him and let Him work. One unfortunate incident does make you a failure. God can work all things for your good and His glory. May you find peace and blessing in Him today!
That was a wonderful video. It just showed me that God never gives up on us even when we want to give up on ourselves. Right now God is teaching me that I need to let him be my husband and when I do that then he will be bring the right guy int my life. I was only married 5 monhts before my husband took off and when back to the mormon church. I was so mad and bitter at him and at God but now I know that we were not meant to be togerther. God is good. Thanks for sharing Renee.
What chapter should have got me doing was to weep a little. But somehow I really felt challenge to be angry at God for letting me go through this, through out my journaling and answering the questions what I heard been spoke time was this : “God love you that he wants to show that power of his love for you through those pains and shame”. And upon that I caved the new word for my life which is a sister of motive but it is called PURSUE, and for now whatever that I do I say or wish for I have to ask what am I pursuing it for is it from Hod or the me God. I struggle with letting God have it, but I know He will enable to. Pursue after God and let home be your GOD.
Amen!! Praise God for showing you these things and giving you a fresh hope as you follow after Him!
Hope you feel better real soon, Renee!
I actually found myself laughing while watching the video, because you started to talk about going through your past again and I thought, “I’ve done that a million times and don’t need to do that again…” and then realized that I was crying and stuffing my face with food simultaneously while listening to you describe my exact life…the trying to create the happily ever after that you never had in your marriage. My poor husband has been through the ringer because of childhood scars and that all came to a climax 2 summers ago…he “out of nowhere” (how it felt to me) told me that he couldn’t take it anymore; the fear, the control, etc….and it was the worst because I had been trying so stinkin’ hard to be perfect, you know? lol. I was pregnant at the time and was unable to deal with what was going on…but God was so faithful and carried me through that season and reestablished His Husbandhood (not sure that’s a word) in my heart again, and things are better in my marriage than they’ve ever been. I am no longer jealous and consumed with the fear that my husband will leave me….but there are still some control issues that plague me…which is where the stuffing my face with food while crying came into play…IT IS A PROCESS. lol.
This video message was amazing. Renee speaks such truth – the truth of God that will heal our hearts. He made us, He knows us and He knows what we need… and just how to heal us. Praise God that He gives us a future and hope! God bless you Renee as you keep listening to God and keep speaking/writing the truth. God bless you all as you trust in Him!
This really made me think about my past and how I become almost jealous of how my step-daughters are treated so well by my husband when they are dealing with situations and I tend to say that they just need to deal with things on their own. I realize that I am being critical because I didn’t have the support I needed when I was younger. I was just told not to feel sorry for myself and never had anyone help me to deal with issues I was facing. This book and particular message is really helping me to pull out some roots from my life. Thank you Renee for listening to God when writing this book!
The verse “for i know the plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you2 has been a recurring theme in my life. I am so in the right place with this study. I finally got to read chapter 4 or start to and it is already talking to me about my own life. My pain and past hurts keep coming back and I feel like saying Why did my husband leave me, why me? I’ve gone through so much I don’t want to go through any more. I don’t want it anymore.
I need God to heel my pain and hurts, to heal my emotions, my spirit. I want to be the person he has made me to be and do all the wonderful things he’s got for me, but I can’t see it happening. I get frustrated and struggle to embrace what he is doing now. I don’t want to miss anything I want to know how to fully go through it all so I can come out the other end complete and whole.
I want ot be that person he promised me to support others in my peer group. To see other peoples lives changed. But i don’t seem to be getting from a to b.
As i was listening to the video I was reminded of the verse ;” I will restore the years the locusts have eaten” which was given to me. And i had the verse too at some point : “To proclaim the year of the LORD’S favour”.( the year of the LORD’s favour is connected with the year of JUBILEE when everyones debts was cancelled.) Have I missed it?
What have i done all this time? I was in Birmingham city centre today, enjoying the culture,arts,lots of people which i miss now i live in a small town., And despite all the good feelings I felt lost, Lost and forlorn wanting to be found. To find the real me amongst the mixed background I’ve had,the mixed emotions,the ups and downs. I wanted to be found and come into my own to walk in the perpurses that are for me. To find that confidence and security in the one who made me.
I have so much going on in my head it is hard to make sense of it all. i have my days when things seem so great but oh how much more do i want those days to be more frequent.
Thanks so much for the book and video clips etc something is definatey touching base and i hope i will be able to work through it all to fully change for the better.
Barbara
Renee – I wan to to first thank you for your story, and for sharing it!!! To be honest, I bought your book a while ago, and then when I saw the online study, I felt an urgency to sign up. Yet, I felt that I wasn’t a “candidate” on some level for this study. I felt like I might have other issues that weren’t related to a lack of confidence. My-of-my how God works! As I go further along in your book and this study, I am being deeply moved to ponder things I now know I have buried deep inside, that have caused me pain and an inability to feel the joy and peace I so desperately seek in my relationship with God. I have felt a sense of sadness and loss for so many years, and I have blamed everything from my never-ending anxiety from our financial struggles, to my husband’s dysfunctional family (which has had an impact on our marriage, of course), to my genes (my mother and sister have manic-depressive disorder). One night last week I woke suddenly in the middle of the night and my stepdaughter was on the forefront of my mind. I KNOW God was shaking/waking me at that moment. Because now as I work through chapter 4, I am realizing that there were painful things that happened to her years ago, when my husband and her mother divorced, and he and I later met, married and had a family. I believe God is using this study to prepare me for a time of healing with her, and with my husband. My marriage has not been healthy for quite some time, and I feel lead to believe that God is using not only this study, but my stepdaughter, as a way to open up doors that have long since been shut. It’s scary, and intense, but I feel God’s power working in me.
Please pray for me that I open my heart, allow the God of hope to search inside, and then to trust HIM with this entire situation. It is the only way that I will grow, and it is the only way I will be able to successfully navigate the tough road ahead as I try to work through these relationships.
Your story, and your teaching, together with the inspired bible passages you have provided, are shaking my world – in a GOOD way, even thought it’s definitely not without its challenges. God bless you, and may God bless all of the women in this study as they take this journey through our past, to lead us to a hopeful future in Jesus!!!
God can heal you and your family. Have faith and be blessed!
Again, I am so glad that I have been led to this bible study! All day yesterday I kept getting the same message. To let HIM into my heart and life. So much has happened to me over this past year, losing my mother for one to cancer, problems in my marriage due to substance abuse ( not on my part), problems with my oldest stepson with addictions and mental issues, money issues for the first time in almost 14 years of our marriage, etc., it seems like my husband and I are about to blow apart! There has been physical abuse, mental and emotional. I have helped to raise his sons as my own. My family took them in as well. My husband has always had custody of his sons from the beginning. Being the man that I met and the way he was with his boys, was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Unfortunately, he has become an enabler to them and they are always first. As young men now, I am made to feel as “the” intruder. I feel like a stranger in my own home. An unwelcome presence. I also live with non believers. However, their mocking doesn’t bother me anymore, and that seems to have stopped for the moment. The more I seek Jesus it seems, the more problems I have here in my own home. I feel like I didn’t have any “safe” place to turn to and have discovered that I can not do this alone anymore, and oh how I have felt alone! Digging up the bones in my closet is a really hard thing to do, but I am doing it. But this time, not alone. I feel God’s Grace! I am so greatful to be able to read all of these stories on here (sad as a lot of them are) and know that at least here, I am not alone. With prayer and guidance I feel a little stronger, a little less on edge and a lot more hopeful! I am realizing again, that yes, I AM one of God’s children, and yes I do matter. We all do. I thank you for bringing me back to Him! If it wasn’t for my friend and coworker, I might still be a lost sheep. I look forward to the next video and chapter!
Thank you again and God Bless you all! Thank you Renee for doing this!
Oh boy did this hit home with me. I have been experiencing increased resentment and bitterness toward my husband. I was divorced after 17 years to my high school sweetheart and experienced deep feelings of disappointment and rejection. I’m remarried now and thought that I now had my knight in shining armor. I have know him for many years professionally and saw him as a confident, strong, powerful person who was going to protect me and take care of me. It is both our second marriages, he is a widow. Before our wedding I was asked to sign a prenuptial agreement. I could process this intellectually since we both have children with our previous spouses. The emotional side of me not so much. It really hurt. My feelings of not feeling good enough surfaced and I felt less than…….. since our marriage 2 1/2 years ago we have experienced unexpected changes in his career. The financial obligations from his private practice and debt accrued before we were married are affecting us and our future. This is the root of my bitterness and resentment. However, God is working on me through this study! I have let go of the bitterness and resentment because I know God will take care of me and that as in Isaiah 46-10 I know the end from the beginning, from ancient time, what is still to come, I say “My purpose will stand and I will do all that I please.” I put my trust in God and feel much peace! Thank you, Renee, I so appreciate your teachings!
I haven’t read chapter 3 or 4 yet, I am behind to say the least and I haven’t watched this video but I just found myself at work, typing a message to my colleague and when I typed the word confidence in the sentence about some management not having enough confidence in me, the flood of thoughts and emotions that tell me maybe there is a reason they don’t hit me hard. I have an 8 month old and I am struggling with being a working mom. I never thought I would even think about being a stay at home mom but it just seems more and more that that is where I should be instead (I have 5 beautiful step children as well so plenty to do at home).. I appreciate my job dearly. It is a really good job and so many are not fortunate enough to have one at all. But I struggle with confidence being the only female professional in my group and being young. Now I’m not happy with the work and a big piece of my job, one of the only pieces I enjoy, has become a political project and has been taken from me. I started the project and now somehow management slowly removed me from the entire thing. I don’t have girl friends and I don’t share well because I feel like everyone has their own struggles and I should just support them but I felt like this would be such a safe place to share. I have a certification exam to study for after work but I think this book is going to cuddle with my baby girl and I first! 🙂
Thanks for sharing. It sounds as though God is paving the way for some changes in your life, whatever they may be. It’s hard to let go of the old and embrace the new, but I pray that the Spirit will show you which way to turn. Meanwhile, may you find confidence in His strength, that He has your best interest at heart in everything. May you be blessed today!
Renee praying that you will feel better…..
Isaiah 61:1-3 has a special place in my heart. I’m so happy that Renee brought it into the reflection questions….I long to see beauty for the ashes, the joy instead of mourning, to praise instead of despair, to comfort those who mourn.
My greatest strides as I was an am healing became encouraging others in my pain. If I didn’t/don’t, I sink in the darkness. The time lapse between beauty and ashes, the joy and mourning, the praise and despair is a time of testing for me, I feel. Because I DO believe that the God who designed the entire universe would ever make a mistake with my life…He longs to make things beautiful…even the bitter circumstances He even said we’d go through. Sometimes, they are the means to the beautiful masterpiece.
I read a story of how one who was scraping the bottom of life resolving to go to her grandmother’s for advice. The grandmother meanwhile boiled carrots, eggs and coffee beans in 3 different pots.
20 minutes later the strong carrot wilted and lost strength in the adversity of the boiling water.
The egg, with its soft heart center hardened in the “trial”….such as a death, a break up, a financial hardship.
Or the coffee bean, actually changed the very circumstance of the pain…the hot water became fragrant and flavorful…changing the situation around it and becoming better in the process.
I pray that we’d all be like the coffee bean…sometimes the most fragrant things can’t release its beauty until it is crushed. May you see the beauty of what God is making you into. Even though you can’t see it, someone else just might.
This is one example of that on a surface level:
http://www.upworthy.com/2-people-described-the-same-person-to-a-forensic-artist-and-this-is-what-happene?g=2
May God bless you all beyond your imaginations and turn your RAIN into RAINBOWS!!
This is one of the most amazing videos I have watched in a long time. I struggle so much with self-esteem issues. The only time I look in a small mirror is to put on makeup. I avoid having my picture taken at all times. All I can see is ugly. I have a wonderful husband of 32 years, two amazing grown sons, and a lot of great girl friends. But, I can never get passed thinking I don’t deserve to be loved because I can only see the ugly. Thank you for sharing this video clip. It has given me a lot to think about.
Sweet Sharon, I totally understand where you are coming from. I know the thoughts personally and I know the IMMENSE AMOUNT OF JOY that it robs too dearly. I single-handedly ruined many precious memories because I had scales over my eyes and heart as I looked at myself in extreme distortion, as well as fear of other’s opinions. I still regret that to this day 🙁
On top of everything else, the early years of my courtship with my husband consisted of running away from the compulsive camera taking tendencies that he had, IN ADDITION to needing a “subject” for his then photography class assignments. I look back at those pictures and relive the extreme insecurity in my eyes (if he managed to capture them as I literally had shots flying away from the camera.)
And yes, because of the insecurity, I didn’t feel confident in the love he wanted to give me. I cannot iterate what that did to my life. The only thing that broke this curse in my mind were a couple of things:
1. I realized that the Creator of the Universe doesn’t make “junk”, and it was like insulting Him when I would rather believe the evil one’s lies than His Truth.
2. I took my eyes off myself and started loving others in the community, volunteering and teaching. The interesting part is, the pictures of me after I started doing that were actually reflected great physical differences in me as well….something from the inside came out. It always catches me off guard when I compare the two phases.
3. I understood that there was a battle for my mind, and the moment I let into discouragement, the evil one won…knowing that it would DESTROY what beautiful relationships and opportunities I had and would have if I believed the lies.
I can tell you one thing for SURE…it looks like there are A LOT of important people who think you are beautiful inside AND out!! Keep believing the one WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH HE CAN’T TAKE HIS EYES OFF OF YOU!!!
Pillar, thank you so much for taking time to respond to my comment. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I admit I am not in the Word every single day, and I know that has allowed Satan a foothold in my mind. Your points are valid, and I will certainly incorporate them into my life. Knowing others are/have struggled with these same issues gives me hope that I too can overcome insecurity and self-doubt. God Bless You!
Your friend,
Sharon
Sweet Sharon, God is always by your side! Be strong, wear your “armor of God” (Galatians 6:11-18) and LET HIM (and yourself) LOVE YOU!! You are a gorgeous gem!! My prayers are with you always!! May God bless you beyond your dreams!!
Love in Christ, PILLAR
Renee, awesome has usual! Listening to your story brought tears, more like puddles, to my eyes. Our stories are similar. I am a recent newlywed and I expect my husband to be this knight in shining armor. I often get frustrated with him because I feel he’s not “doing enough”. When I am not happy, I feel he should be the one to fix it. He will ask me what it is I need and I quickly tell him that I don’t know. All I know is that I am unhappy.
When I did the timeline, I realized that I have years of hurt, pain, memories, and words that handicap me. When I was 6 months, my parents separated. My dad moved in with his parents. Although I would stay with them every weekend, I still didn’t see my dad. He was too busy with other women and living his life. When I was 11, my mother died from cancer. I moved in with my dad’s parents and him, but as I stated I still never saw him. When I was 16, the grandmother that was raising me died from cancer. I felt so alone and lost. My dad’s niece and sister started being really mean to me and saying hurtful things. They would always tell me I would never be anything, among other hateful things. My dad never took up for me because he wanted to keep “peace in the family”.
For years I dated guys that we’re mean and abusive. It was like I was looking for a father figure. And I had many hurtful friendships with women because I wanted a mother figure. And I could forget about trying anything new! I automatically thought I would fail because of the hurtful words of my aunt and cousin. I was just a mess! So to find a man that love me flaws and all and wanted to marry me…. WOW! I thought that he would fix everything… NOT!
Thanks to a friend who got me to start going to church, I discovered that I always had a father, and a mate…. JESUS! I still have my days, but I keep praying. And joining this bible study with all these awesome women of Christ is amazing! Your teachings and stories are a blessing to me. Each day gets better and I feel myself getting stronger. I am finally able to confront some things and let some things go.
Thank you to each of you, and God continue to bless Renee and this OBS.
Thank you for sharing! What an inspiring story. My heart breaks for the pains of your past, but God is using it for your good and His glory. I can totally relate to feeling unhappy but having no idea what would make me happy. At which point, I just turn everything to God and let Him fix it. While your husband cannot fix everything in your life, God put him there for a reason. May He bless your marriage and help you.to inspire Godly growth in each other.
I love it that God has a plan for me, a good plan!!! Realizing today that my food addiction has been around a lot longer than I thought….going on 20 years now–that was about the time of my divorce–I ask God to help me, but I know I have not been willing to do my part 🙁 I now know there is HOPE for my future….I want to seek Him with ALL MY HEART–He will lead me out of captivity….Time to Change…Thank you, Daddy God, for revealing this to me!!!!
Thank you, Renee, for your wonderful teaching video!
I am having a very hard time with this study. I know I need to go thru this and this is where God will bring His healing to me. I grew up in a home where I never felt safe, love, protected, good enough for anyone including God. I was sexually abused by my mother’s second husband from the time I was 5 till I was 16. My mother said she suspected something was going on but never asked because I didn’t tell. I didn’t tell because I was praying to God to help me and no help came. I was date raped when I was in college (I went to a Christain College) and had an abortion. I thought God was punishing me. All I could ever see was my failures and punishments. My childhood imagine of Him was one who punished, not very loving . . .Kind of like a angry grandfather. One time I asked my mom if I was pretty, she laughed and said no, I brought home straight A’s and was asked why they weren’t A+. I am 49 yrs old and still fight feeling like a child. I am a wife of 28yrs, a mother of 2 wonderfull childern and Grammy to 4 boys. I spend so much time trying to please everyone I know and feeling like I am not doing one bit of good. My mask is so thick, no one knows how scared I am all the time.
I was in the shower this morning, on my knees praying. I was asking God to forgive me, show me how I can make Him happy, how I could please Him. To please show me what I had done wrong so I could try and make it right. . . I turned on Pandora and the first three songs dropped me to my knees . . . Lead Me to the Cross, followed by Trading My Sorrows and then By Your Side. I am still hurting, but I know that my hurting will finally be healed. There are going to be some deep scars, but the bleeding will stop soon. I am afraid to do the timeline, but I will. I will seek Him always, He will turn my ashes into beauty.
I am sitting here debating if I should delet this post. I want to, but I am not.
Thank you Lord for using Rene to bring this healing to so many of us! I give You all the honor and glory. Thank you for Your mercies and grace! You are our healer! You are Amazing.
Cyndi, thank you so much for sharing your story! It obviously took an incredible amount of courage to write it, let alone post it! Please know that God is pleased with you! You are His precious Bride, His Beloved Child, His Beautiful Princess, and His Valuable Friend!!!!! I used to look at God as an angry Father who was waiting to pounce on me for every mistake I made. Every bad thing that happened in my life seemed to be a punishment from Him that “I deserved.” Those are lies of the enemy! He loves us just the way we are–after all, He died for us while we were yet sinners–and wants the best for us! Once I stopped believing the lies of the enemy and started believing the truths of God, my whole outlook on life changed, not to mention my relationship with God! I’m praying for you, dear sister, that God will reveal these truths to you and that you will finally be set free! Bless you!
Praying for you, Cyndi. I can relate so well to what you said, ” I spend so much time trying to please everyone I know and feeling like I am not doing one bit of good.” Sometimes, I also feel like I need to earn everyone’s acceptance, including God’s. But thankfully, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am already loved and accepted by God, so I don’t need to try so hard. I just need to rest in His grace and whatever He calls me to do, He will give me the strength to complete it. I just have to remember to receive it. May you find peace and hope in Him today. God bless!
Renee, thank you for your teaching and your encouragement and your openess and honesty. I have had the same feelings toward my husband and I am praying for God to guide me through this process.
To all of my sisters who have been sharing your comments, your hurts and your wounds, I am praying for all of you. Please don’t ever give up. That is exactly what the devil wants us to do and we have to refuse and rebuke him. God is good and He will always bring good from every situation in our lives if we seek Him with our entire being. We cannot know the ways of God, and even though He doesn’t remove us from the circumstances in our lives, He will and does give us the grace to go through and He will bring good from every circumstance. I feel an incredible closeness to all of you and I want to thank each one of you for sharing. I am praying for all of you (and me) and I pray that God will bless each of you and each of your family members. God Bless.
I love that God has a plan. God is taking me on a journey to heal from my past of sexual abuse and at the same time show me how to heal with him.
I will be honest I am enjoying this study but I am having a hard time with not having a small group to discuss with. Its harder when its online…
I surrendered my life to the Lord 14 yrs ago, I have had my share of bumpy rides, but I believe God’s promises and live daily depending on Him. As I’ve been reading this book, things of my past, as I mentioned before have come to my heart. But today as I read the remainder of chapter four…I felt my heart stirring with alot of feelings…especially when I got to Page 73….*Like you…. where Renee wrote I wonder where you have been and what you have been through. Are there things you have done or things that have been done to you……..Renee also says on page 76 God wanted to finish what He started.. my heart just keeps stirring, and I know its the Holy Spirit, doing the stirring….Renee asks What story is God wanting to write in your life? Will you let Him? I found myself wondering about this and …..wrote yes…as Renee suggests I am going to write out a timeline of my life with the Holy Spirits help…. I know I have come from broken to beautiful with God’s unfailing love…I trust Him with my all…..Since the stirring in my heart I feel like God wants me to share my life….so I will get started with my timeline and will be praying….I must admit I feel a little anxious, but go back to this scripture I just love and hang on too….Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus…..
When I started watching the video today, tears started streaming down my face and I had to stop the video and process all of the emotions that were rising to the surface. I grabbed my journal and wrote four pages of “Messages” I have received throughout the years. Things like, “You’re not good enough! Your opinions don’t count, in fact, they’re stupid! You’re not fun to be with! We only invited you because everyone else declined! Your very words cause irritation, frustration and anger! Your choices are terrible, so are your ideas ; they don’t fit in with our ideas and choices–in fact you don’t fit either! WE REJECT YOU!!!!” I had to forgive all those who had wounded me–knowingly or unknowingly–repent of the sins of believing the lies of the enemy and for rejecting those who had rejected me. There were sins of jealousy, bitterness, resentment, self-pity and pride (to name a few). I asked the Lord to wash all of this with the Blood of the Lamb, to heal the soul wounds with the dynamite power of the Resurrection, and to fill me with the Glory and Light of Jesus! I asked Him to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. Needless to say, I feel so much lighter! Thank you, Renee, for this video and for helping me to face the “icky” stuff I was holding deep inside. It feels good to get it out!
Thank you for sharing, Gloria. It’s helping me to let go by remembering that while others may have unknowingly hurt me, I unknowingly hurt others too. But His blood is enough to cover over everything, so it makes so much sense to forgive and forget. I’m encouraged to hear that you feel so much lighter now. God bless!
I am truly grateful for this study! This chapter has brought to surface some unforgiveness that I thought I’d forgiven. Past hurts that I thought I dealt with, however have resurfaced, in which I believe God has been nudging me to no longer stuff down. (my way of dealing,in the past) I’m learning and it is a day by day,moment by moment, process in taking it ALL to my Lord and Savior. Thank you Renee! Thank you Jesus! And to all my sisters-in-Christ, thank you for posting and being so courageous in opening up and sharing. You have inspired me to open up and feel safe here. God is so good!
When I saw these video, I felt like wao!honestly this message was really for me,for t’he past two days I hav been battling with my past,which came hunting me. I was in a relationship,but later we broke up and ever since, I have not been able to move on, I have been in §ø̲̣̣̥ much pain,and t’he moment I took a decision to let go, I feel empty, I keep praying but will not let all go §ø̲̣̣̥ it comes again,but this time I said I dont care whatever it may cause me but am gonna let go and seek God’s purpose for my life.Renee thank you soo much for these words of encourage,am bleesed with them and it is a motivating power to keep seeking God’s will.thank you because you just spoke to me.
Thank you, Renee, for writing the book, for being transparent with us about your past, for your video teaching, for encouraging me to deal with the hurts of yesterday and to process the pain of it so I can experience redemption and embrace everything God has for my tomorrow. To tell you the truth, this is my second time reading your book in the last two years. The first time I read chapter 4, I was angry. I didn’t want to deal with yesterday, I couldn’t imagine how my story can help anyone and i didn’t really want to share it with anyone. I wanted to forget the past and let God write a new story. I know I was running from my past, it was too painful. The thought of sharing my story with anyone made me sick to my stomach. So I ran from it… but deep down in my heart I knew though that I needed to deal with it, that was the only way to experience healing. You see for the past 5 years I have been dealing with lots of unexplainable health issues, went to various doctors, from one treatment to another with no significant improvements. Somehow it was all stress related. I am thinking now stress of not understanding and dealing with my past hurts, stress of living behind a mask. When I heard you were having this online Bible study, I knew I needed to do it. And here I am sitting in front of chapter 4 again. It doesn’t make me sick anymore like it did a year ago, but it sure brings a lot of tears. I think God has been preparing me for this during the last year. I think I am ready for God to restore my ancient ruins and restore the broken places in my heart but i am so afraid to be hurt in the process again, afraid to fall apart, afraid to have panic attacks again. Where do I even begin? Can’t wait for your next video!
I had a hunch that this is a book that takes several readings! I’m saddened to read about your health problems, but have faith that God can heal you! He wants to restore us. This is my first time reading the book and this chapter was tough! I also didn’t know where to begin but upon praying, one memory surfaced, and I felt God saying to me, just take this one memory at a time. So I did that and it’s one step in a long journey but I’m walking behind The Lord, and I pray that you can too! God bless!
I guess the first pain I discoverd, to feel not loved enough by my parents. As I can remember I was afraid of my father, when I was about 4-5 years old. He was very scary for me at that time, later he was very comanding. Also also missed the affection of my mother. They hurt me a lot, by not knowing what is really going on in my life. But when I got older I learned to forgive them. They tried their best in their abillities to raise me. Than I got married, to my prince charming, I thought. But he was very bossy and controlling. He thought he is Mr. Perfect and he treaded me like dirt. I tulk me 12 years to break free from these marriage. I,m still not able to forgive him, what he did towards me. After that I made an other bad choise, to fall in love with an alcohol addiced men. These relationship chatterd me in pieces. But every time I had to re-new my self. I guess that GOD sended me these lessons. First I didn’t understand why. But now slowly I think I understand it. It helps me a big deal to see now things from a diffrent prospective. Thanks to GOD for this opportunity.
This chapter has hit me hard, after reading through all of the post and crying through much of them, I know I’m not alone.. My whole life has been filled with nothing but twists and turns just like everyone else. From the time I was born my life has been very painful. Before the age of 3 I was abused sexually and physically by my step-father, until the state took me away and I was put in foster homes. After about a year of foster care I was finally going to be adopted, so I went for a “trial” to see if I was going to fit well with the family. As I was there, the man “going to be dad” was sexually abusing me for his pleasure so I stopped eating “that was the reason they didn’t go through with the adoption” finally I was adopted to a family, all things were good till about age 14 when my dad moved out, I felt betrayed, hurt and blamed myself for their separation. At age 16 I was with my boyfriend and we were driving around, I saw my dads truck at another women’s house. I felt like the one man I trusted for so long let me down.. And I knew my dad was committing adultery since my parents never divorced. I see now that I was RUNNING from things, I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. I then became pregnant at age 17 looking back I thought this was a way to keep a man.. But I know now this was not the correct answer. About a year later I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. I forgave him and we stayed together, but he made it a repeated act so I left him. (Another guy I couldn’t trust) when I finally decided to get married at 21 my husband became controlling, to the point that if I wasn’t home from work at a certain time he was out looking for me. He also accused me of wanting to go to church so I could cheat on him with the priest. Later I found out 2 months after we got married he had an affair and got someone else pregnant. At 25 I married again to a man that started to emotionally and physically abused my daughter by grabbing her by the throat, flashbacks came to mind and I RAN leaving me with another divorce. I felt like the world was crashing down on me.. Two years later I moved away from everything wanting to start a new life. I met another man married he 2 was abusive, so I left, Finally at age 33 God gave me the man he wanted me to be with, a few months after we got married I was raped by a man I didn’t even know, I was at a birthday party for a friend when he put something in my drink, dragged me through ally’s so know one would see, he took me to a half way house where he held a gun to my head, pad locked me in with four locks, and forcefully had sex with me, told me I was the biggest baby he had ever known, I had bruises up and down my body. That whole time I was praying and begging him to let me go, at noon the next day he through my cell phones at me and told me to get out he had enough of my whining.. Lets just say I ran for my life and freedom!! I hated God for this at first, then I realized God was with me the whole entire time, I am alive because my prayers were answered. But I questioned that at first “why would God allow something so painful to happen repeatedly to me by men” and since I just got married to a wonderful Christian man?? Why?? Even though I have forgiven the man, And its in Gods hands, I do live with fear.. But I keep reminding myself to have Faith and the Lord will protect me from the evil doers. I cannot allow the fear of man to keep me captive, I need to let the Love of our Lord shine through me to comfort those. Isa 61:1-2 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because The Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted , to proclaim freedom for the captive and release from the darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of The Lord favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, this speaks volumes to be!! I will not let evil doers have control of my life, God has shown me the light of his wonderful salvation through this journey, I am blessed to know him, he is the Father that Loves us unconditionally, we are only here for a short time, even though the most tragic struggles we can truly find Peace and Hope in him!! God Bless all of my Sisters!! My The Lord touch each and everyone of You!!
Melissa, your story touched my heart. I’m praying that God will take you through this journey victoriously (and I know He will)! This scripture came to mind: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Melissa you are a very strong person to be so open. God holds you in his arms. Psalm 23;”he leads Melissa besides quiet waters, he restores Melissa’s soul” , “Even though Melissa walks through the valley of the shadow of death, Melissa will fear no evil, for his rod and staff they comfort her. He is proud of you.
Babs.
Melissa Joyce Meyer once said that courage is not feeling fear, it’s walking through that fear but always with God. One thing God has shown me is that He not only restores but he makes all thing new!!! When we give God our hurts , we don’t usually forget the memory of it , but he takes away the feeling that was connected to it. And I really think its because He takes the bad and turns it it for good to those who love Him. He will use it as a tool for other girls who are in the same situations . I am sooo sorry u went through all that but I do know this letter u wrote is touching so many people , girls that may not want to live through something like that and you have just given them great courage to go on. My true prayer for you is that alllllll the pain to every memory you have will be broken off in Jesus Name . Thanks for sharing
Melissa,
I read through your story in awe. What an amazing victorious woman you are to have literally walked down “the valley of death” and yet “proclaim the year of our Lord’s favor”! Melissa, do you know what an encouragement you have to others sharing this testimony? You write so candidly it is easy to feel your pain, your confusion, your emotions, and your confidence and trust in the Lord towards the end. There is so much abuse, you are not alone in this, and I know your words will help usher other beautiful sisters of ours to the feet of our Lord, that He may comfort them, heal them, bind up their wounds, and restore gladness for despair. Thank you for having the courage to share your testimony and journey. Please keep speaking out to others. I would not be surprised if God chose to use this in your ministry to God’s other hurting daughters. Beauty for ashes for every one in Christ Jesus in Jesus’ name!
Learning to live in the security of God’s promises is a daily journey of dependence…. this is really speaking to me this week. It is something I keep hearing and reading over and over. I believe the Lord is really trying to engrave this on my heart. I think that all the things I have been through, all through my life, have caused me to be very independent. The Lord wants me to truly depend on Him. I love the Lord, and I accept Him, but I don’t think I have totally surrendered my hurts and pain over to Him. Those places seem to be so deep, and so covered over with scars. I want to be free of all of this, I want to be surrendered to the Lord…I want to depend on Him. My prayer today, is that God would penetrate those deep dark recesses of my heart, that He would heal me and lead me to depend totally on Him…Please Lord, please
He wants to heal every part of you, so don’t give up. Just keep praying and giving your fears and hurts to Him, and let Him take care of you. God bless!
“Daily journey of dependence on Him”… so so so beautifully put! Loved those words. I hope they stick with me, because I love that visual. It is my journey, and it is my goal, all at once.
Years ago I dealt with the pains from my childhood – alcoholic parents, threat of divorce, being molested over and over by a ” family friend” and more that haven’t only been dealt with but have been removed from my memory completely by our dear Lord. However, I am now understanding, by reading this book, that I must not have understood the full implication of that forgiveness because I am harbor ing regret and unforgiveness in my heart toward myself over some bad decisions (and life changing ones) that are haunting me today because of the consequences I have to deal with now. These decisions were made AFTER I went thru the process of finding and healing the hurts of my childhood. What I am now discovering is that I did not change my pattern of behavior, rather than allowing new hurts to be healed immediately, I have stored them up again! It’s like I emptied the box only to refill it! This time, with God’s help, I am going to empty it and throw it away! God is now helping me to deal with the two “biggies” that have impacted me for over 10 years now.
Alice R…love the visual of ’emptying the box to fill it up again’…I don’t know if my box will ever be empty. I am sure I will put other things in it in the future, but I will remind myself that it is filled w/ Jesus…and hopefully that will make it harder for me to place ‘things/people’ in it.
I have read this chapter 3 times. I am scared to do the time line. scared of what it may reveal. I know I need to because this chapter and the video have been so powerful to me. I’m trying to let go, and let God. I love Jeremiah 29:11-13. But, WOW, Isaiah 61! And how you broke it down for me, Renee, knocked me to the floor. this is on page 68. Powerful!
Angie,
I understand the timeline feeling overwhelming. It’s hard to look at the past hurts of our lives all laid out bare in front of us, and yet still discern that it isn’t ganging up ready to whollop us all over again. One thing you can do that Renee mentioned is just do it a little bit at a time. Maybe just one event at a time. Take that event, identify what the “lie” was that you learned from it, “unloveable” “unvaluable” “stupid”, these are things my timeline revealed… it helped me to remember these events happened yes, but those things I took away and started to believe about myself because of those events are not necessarily true. I am not unloveable because Christ loves me. I am not unvaluable because Christ died for me. If Christ is of the most immense value to Father God and yet God loved us so much as to ask Christ to sacrifice His life for us, THAT shows *tremendous* value to His heart! I am not “stupid” because I have the mind of Christ and Christ certainly wasn’t stupid. I may make foolish choices sometimes yes, that is my human nature, but because of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me those mistakes do not define me, Christ DEFINES us through the authority of His blood, Who He is to us, and who we are to Him, and who we are within Him. So, take it one event at a time. Look at the lie you picked up, then face that with the Truth of God’s Word, which is almost always a direct opposite of that lie. If the lie is “rejected” the truth is I am not rejected because Christ has received me into His family. If it is “dirty”, I am not dirty because Christ has washed me completely clean and made me whole through His blood, I am a new creation through Him. If the lie is “incapable/incompetent” then the truth is, I am capable and competent to do everything through Christ Jesus who strengthens me, empowers me, gives me wisdom, and walks with me. Try this one event at a time. Take a couple days per event if you need to. Look at that lie, define the opposite of it, then take THAT word and look it up in the back of the Bible to find scripture to stand on. It’s okay to take it slow. It’s okay to work on this timeline for weeks or months. It IS a process, but freedom in Christ is worth the process! Stay in Prayer, let Him lead you. Let Him love on you. Let Him prove Himself faithful and mighty to save you from the bondage of your past and break the power of the lies that have held you down for so long. “Where the Spirit of Truth is, there is freedom”… doing the timeline brings you freedom through Christ who died to give you that freedom! The timeline although it may seem daunting, it is important. Take it to prayer and let Him strengthen you as you take each step. If “a lie left unchallenged becomes the truth we live by” then it is a good thing, and a right thing, to seek absolute truth through God so that we only let Him define us, and once we know those scriptures and we know those truths to stand on, then we can learn to stand with confidence. Praying for you! I know it is hard, but don’t give up! You can do this! Christ Himself stands ready, willing, and compassionately able to *gently* help you along the way. He so treasures your heart. He doesn’t want you to hurt anymore.
I am so grateful for this study. I am now at the place I am ready to heal from my past. My parents divorce when I was 13 and I buried and have been holding on the pain and hurt of rejection and abandonment from my dad. He left me to deal with my mom. She was very mental unstable and he was my buffer from her. He left and I felt so unprotected and vulnerable to her abuse. My mom as since passed and I have healed and forgiven her. And I believed that should be the end of the pain. I thought she was my the source of this deep pain. It wasn’t until recently it was truly my dad. I love my dad and I have a close relationship with him. But I have all this unresolved stuff that I have been carrying around physically, mentally and emotionally. My relationships have suffered because of my not letting go and allowing God to fill those dark, lonely and painful places. This study has opened my eyes and heart to knowing I can and will heal and God will be with my every step of the way …filling as I let go!!
Madeline,
As I read your words it reminded of a book that I read by Stormie Omartian. She has an amazing story to tell, similar to yours. It is called, “Stormie: A Story of Forgiveness and Healing. You can buy it on Amazon for about $8.00
Forgiveness, in some situations, may happen bit by bit…like eating an onion sitting on a shelf. We take it off the shelf and take a bite of it…it is painful, maybe only able to eat a little of it… then put it back on the shelf, to pick it up later and deal with more of it. Layer by layer the pain is felt, then we ask God to take it away.
Someday you will be able to completely forgive your Dad- great joy will be yours. Your strength will be from overcoming.
Charlene
I did the timeline and kept seeing “rejection” as the feeling that came up over and over again. I find it hard to believe that anyone accepts me or even likes me. It makes me distant and quiet and doubt myself and my abilities. I never venture out to do new things for fear of failure and people saying, “why did you try that, it’s obvious you couldn’t do it” and laughing at me. I constantly seek others’ approval before doing anything because I have no confidence in myself. I’m praying for things to change in my life because I want to be what God created me to be, I just don’t know what that is and don’t have enough confidence that I can do it right now.
Praying for you. I was like this for many years too and one thing I noticed is that I’m constantly afraid of being rejected by others, I “defend” myself by rejecting them first. Like you, I was quiet and distant. It took some special souls to reach out to me, and it took time, but I’m better now. God can help you too, don’t give up!
Thank you, Julie! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. 🙂
Staci, praying for you and for all of the other ladies here too. I feel rejection through out my life as well and it really has kept me from living. I talk myself out of doing things because I just assume the same thing will happen and I live in a shell. I am thankful for ladies like Renee who will invest their time and share their stories and their walk so that we may find freedom from our past.
I have fallen behind on my reading this week but I wanted to say what a great video! To know that God has a plan for me and that He loves me and wants to redeem and restore me is just amazing! I can really relate to putting expectations on my husband and being resentful and critical to him for things that had happened in my childhood. I was so dependent on him to make me happy. My parents divorced when I was a baby and my father was no part of my life. I grew up thinking that a man in my life would make me happy and after I got married, I expected my husband to be my everything. I have had a lot of healing through God and fortunately my husband has stayed by me and encouraged me. Starting this study, God revealed to me that though I didn’t have a great example of love through my earthly father, He has given to me a wonderful husband who has loved me and stuck with me over the past 15 years. As I grow closer to God, I am able to let the past fall away and know that my future is in the Lord’s hands.
I am going through a program called Celebrate Recovery and this perfectly dovetails and enhances my healing!! Courage to look and hope to look forward!
I wish I could do celebrate recovery with you.
There is not much of a group around here
I’ve heard wonderful things about the program!
Yes!!!!!! It does!
I too went to celebrate recovery it help so much and was a great group. I now go to a great church that helps me greatly. Good Luck in your journey In Christ Love
NEVER GIVE UP
i have been going through celebrate recovery for 2 years and it has helped me work past my denial and work on my issues. God has brought me through some amazing stuff in the last 10 years. its awesome to see his had at work. also there is a movie coming out this weekend called homerun based on recovery. its an amazing movie i saw it last year when i went out to the cr summit and also saw it last night. trust me u wont be disappointed. mary
What time and channel? I will watch In Christ Love
Its actually in movie theaters. Its such a good movie. Very inspiring.
From I what I gather on the email list and video this chapter speaks volumes to me. I’m currently reading two different books. One is entitled Hiding from love which totally ties into this study. I’m continually looking for material to help with healing hurts. In looking back their are many painful memories and events but my response has always been the same, run. I avoid conflict and hurt like the Black Plague. I feel God teaching me to grow and mature in this area. In Christ I am more equipped and able to process pain and hurt. My initial response is not healthy because I have doubt when it comes to confronting hurt. Instead I will runaway by being withdrawn. You can be somewhere physically but your heart can still run for the hills. I think I found my next study to start . Can’t wait.
May God give you courage to stop running and find healing. He is always right there with you!
I am so glad to see you including the verses beyond Jer. 29:11. That is quoted so often but to going on to the next verses really gives the promise of hope – when we pray, He listens, when we seek Him we find Him, He will lead us out of captivity. What an amazing promise that we don’t have to be stuck in our “yuck”.
Amen Deb. I’m going to right that verse down to read everyday. thanks In Christ Love
It takes many years sometimes to filter all the hindsight thoughts out of your mind. The thing I have decided to do was concentrate on the blessings. I know God has helped me look for the brightness of the future and to push back on the ugly memories. I just try to concentrate on the great things HE has done for all of us who draw our daily living close to HIM. It works.
When I was a little girl I felt unloved and insignificant to everyone and to God.
I felt misunderstood and ugly, I remember wearing a new blouse to school in Grade 5 and in a quiet moment, looking at the sleeve of my blouse and feeling that I was unworthy of this blouse and I felt sorry for the blouse that it had come to be worn by a nothing like me! This one incident stand out in my mind so strongly about that little girl who felt so bad about herself that even her nice clothes were to be pitied.
My life wasn’t traumatized by abuse or divorce, in fact we were a Christian family; but there were problems in the home and my sensitive nature somehow absorbed the pain and hardship my mother had due to her circumstances of raising a large family new to this land. Two nervous breakdowns; one right after my birth and the second 7 years later must have impacted us kids. She had a difficult relationship with her mother due to losing her father when she was three years old. Our family histories have a long shelf life passing down through generations, but there is hope for the future. I do believe my parents did the best they knew how and this helps me tremendously in the healing process.
I have received much from the Lord and praise Him for His faithfulness, He continues to heal me and help me work through tough emotional issues for which I give thanks. I KNOW that by doing this course I will continue on this path. Thank you Renee! To all the other’s out there, stick with it and reap the benefits, it’s a crazy world out there and this is a safe, soft place to be and receive from the Lord.
Amen!!!! I so, so, so needed to read your post, Charlene.
Hi I thank you for your encougemnt ladies. I have been keeping this to myself and a few of my relatives and friend. Now I think its time for me to share this painful experience. On the 25/12/2012 at 3 am I woke up to find a man standing beside my ben holding a crow bar and a knife the first words he said to me was give me money, I said i didnt have money and he pointed the knife at me and asked me if I wanted to die, I then opened my purse and gave him what was in the purse (P40), he then said I should undress and while I was undressing he was pointing the knife and warned me not to scream. This man raped me. While he was raping me I was praying and he thought i was on the cell phone he threatened to kill me but i told him I was praying and he asked my to put my hand on air. After raping me he left I sat there crying and asked God why this happened to me. Then I said to myself if not me then who then (my daughter, my sister, my mother or my neighbour), and I just said no I wouldnt with for anybody to raped as this is a very painful thing to happen to anyone. I was angry, felt dirty and emotional throughout the holidays. I went for counsselling and thought I was okay. I forgave the culprit or so I thought, but everytime his smell comes to me I get angry and emotional. Im glad I could share this with you and ask you to pray with me. I know I can forgive but I cant forget. God be with you ladies.
I am praying. I am so sorry.
I’m praying also. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes, shedding light onto a dark secret is a great way to start letting go. May God see you through in this healing process.
I’m praying for you also. So sorry this happened to you.
I am praying for your healing! I’m so sorry!
Praying for you and healing. Matthew West’s song, Forgiveness, is amazing! It will be a long process for you. So sorry this happened….prayers and hugs to you.
Will be praying
I am praying for you too! only God has the power to make you feel whole and clean again. May He wrap His loving arms around you and give you peace and comfort now and always.
My heart aches for you. Prayers for God’s love to heal and comfort you.
Rape is a crime that should be reported to police authorities.
As believers in Christ Jesus I believe we have a right to protect ourselves from violent perpetrators such as this Gertrude there is a lot to your story that you left out, like how did this person acquire access to your home, did you know the person etc,etc.
The good news today is that,it does not matter to God what type of traumatic situations that has happened in our lives or in the lives of our friends and family,when believers in Christ have the manifested presence of God in our lives it can break the chains of pain, hurt and oppression and bring healing and restoration to our wounded hearts,minds, and spirits.We don’t have to be overcome but more than conquerors through Christ that strengthens us.
Father, I lift Gertrude to you right now. I pray that you will wrap your loving arms around her and help her to know that you are there. Help her with this very difficult situation, You know her heart and her struggles. May she sense YOU in her life like never before! Heal her emotions and hurts. We don’t always understand why things happen to us but we know we live in a fallen world however YOU will never leave us or forsake us! No matter what this world throws at us YOU will be there helping us through! I love you Lord and I thank You in advance for the help You will give to Gertrude in the coming days. Amen
I too am praying for you. I do hope you reported this to the police…I am not a therapist but that could be part of your healing process.
Gertrude: my dear sister in Christ, my heart goes out to you. Have you ever heard of mending the soul? It is a Christian based book and workbook that helps women (and men) work through abuse. I would encourage you to work through it with a counselor or small group. I am a mts group leader at my church. This was not your fault. You did nothing to cause this. Praying for you.
I am praying for the Lord to clothe you in His love and beauty. May He give you strength in every trial you face today and everyday stemming from this horrible act. I pray He bring your attacker to justice and repentance. I pray You feel Jesus with you, I pray you sense Him smiling at you and holding you in His arms of compassion. In His holy and precious name I pray.
Thank you for having the courage to share. I am sure there are others reading this that really needed to know they were not alone in suffering and your obedience was just what they needed to start their healing process.
Hi Gertrude I too am praying with you and for you. I know the kind of pain Rape can bring and as well as the other feelings. I was rape twice growing up. first by my real father ( I was 7 yrs) and them by a stranger
( I was 15yrs). I pray we both can forgive truly and completely. In Christ Love.
Gertrude, love and prayers are with you. It took courage for you to share your story. I am so very sorry to hear of your pain. You are in my prayers.
Rene,
I press on. I am surprised that this book and your words on the video are totally what I need. Although God has healed much in me, as you yourself say, it is a process. God is revealing to me more areas that need to be brought to the light…brought into His presence, for healing and release. Oh, that’s my One Word for the year. Release! Sigh…onward. Thank you for this…am sharing on my blog at some point hilights of this journey with you here. So many sighs…but it is good. In His Grace, Dawn
Thank you for sharing your own experience with us! I have been dealing with a lot of issues from my childhood and young adulthood that I thought were done and over. But God uses all things for our good and everything that I have been going through has opened so many doors for healing in me, doors that I never knew needed to be opened. I see my life and the world in a whole different way now. God is Great and He will get us through all the hurt and pain just to fill us with His joy, His peace, His love. Thank you again for sharing! Blessings!
Sorry for the typing errors I am on my tablet and i hit an extra key when i hit the space bar.
This week especially I am under attack from my past and my husband’s past. First an email from an ex boyfriend who wouldn’t commit after 7 years and a reminder of that pain and regret and then my new stepdaughter tells me that she wants me to know that she loves me no matter what and even if someone says they don’t like me, she will “trick them” by saying she doesn’t like me too but really she does love me.
I feel like I had just started processing the pain from the ex boyfriend and get some grounding when that floored me again. I’m in the ring of a fight I never wanted to be in and keep getting knocked out. Before I have a chance to get up and shake off th punches, the next blows come.
My husband says that this is proof of God’s mighty plan and design in our lives otherwise there wouldn’t be a reason to attack.
I’m expecting my first child and all I can say is GOD PLEASE SEND IN A REPLACEMENT AND PUT ME IN A SAFE PLACE. I want out of this fight.
Hi Brenda,
Just want to say that you put into words something that I haven’t been able to define when you said “I’m in the ring of a fight I never wanted to be in and keep getting knocked out. Before I have a chance to get up and shake off the punches, the next blows come.”
Each round I think I’m progressing, getting better, renewing, then come the multiple sucker punches beating me down again. I haven’t ever doubted that I cannot fight this fight without Him, but I doubt myself so much that somehow I try to fight alone, & end up more isolated & alone. It is confusing to me that I know I can’t do it alone, but I still insist on trying to do it that way. My hope is in Him alone, my confidence should be in Him alone. And I just reread what you said about sending in the replacement & it occurs to me that He did send in the replacement, maybe we need to figure out how to tag out, get out of the ring & trust Him to take care of it. harder than it sounds if you ask me, but I’m not gonna give up or throw in the towel, even tho I feel like it so often – practically every day in fact. But I encourage you to hang in there, too. If there is any other constant in this life, it is that things WILL change & we don’t wanna give the evil one the satisfaction. God bless you!
Thanks for the video. I just wentcthrough a very hard weekend. My fathercin law passed away in Junw 2012 and so my husband and I moved in with my mother in law to assist her. She is losing her vision. Uglly words were said on Saturday. I have many past hurts with her, with my husband. I processed through forgiveness and I apologized for my part. But I am still hurting. I realize that the approval I want will need to come from God. The love and acceptance I want will need to come from God. I have signed on for this task, but quite honestly I feel as though I have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Today, i will seek God. Dear Lord, bridge the gap between fhe love, approval, and acceptance that i receive and the love, approval, and acceptance that I need. Amen
Hi Diana My Prayers are with you. God will never leave you a lone so lean on him always. In Christ love
Hi Diana my prayers are with you. God will never leave you so lean on Him always. In Christ Love
Thank you for encouraging us, Renee, and I’m thankful to be doing this study with so many wonderful ladies. Like everyone else, I have a long list of hurts and pains from my past that I need to process. But I’m very hesitant to go down that road. I’m afraid of uncovering past hurts and, like Renee said, get stuck or become overwhelmed. But after reading the chapter and watching the video, I see that God wants me to jump in, even if it’s just one hurt at a time, He can heal them.
So, over the last couple of days, one memory has sort of re-surfaced. Even though I was too young to remember the details, I recall my mother leaving one night. She and my father must have had an argument or something, but it was late and she was leaving. I recall asking her where she was going and she must have responded with something benign. My childhood mind assumed she was going to the store, so I didn’t pay much attention. She came back later and that was that. I was only about three years old.
Years later, my mom brought up this incident, almost in a joking fashion, that it was the only time when she tried to “leave” my father. In the intervening years, I was a third party to most of their fights and arguments. My father had an explosive temper and my mother was prone to nagging. My mother made many comments throughout the years that if it weren’t for me, she would have left my father long ago. I was an only child and for a few years upon emigrating to the United States, I was her only confidante. By day, I observed my father’s frustration and dissatisfaction in trying to adjust living in a new country with few friends, no credentials, and little money. By night, I listened to my mother as she poured out her own fears, struggles, and insecurities about herself and our family. I was only eleven years old.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she had left. I also wonder why she would consider leaving without me. Was she that scared?
I love my parents; they were good to me for the most part. They did the best they could in a difficult situation. However, being unbelievers and unable to find hope in anything other than themselves. So they worked harder, pushed me harder, and hoped for the best. Well, I’m thankful to say that God blessed them, and me. But what do I do with these hurts from the past? Can they be so easily excused? How can I forgive and let go? God has been gracious in helping me with other memories too, but sometimes, it feels like a never ending reel that just keeps on playing. Do the ends justify the means? I await His healing….
Julie, something that helped me to deal with past wounds was to say the same words Jesus said from the cross: “Father, forgive them! They don’t know what they are doing!” Most people don’t realize the hurt and wounds they inflict upon us. They are just reacting to the pain in their own lives. If we can forgive them with the love and forgiveness that Jesus showed toward us, it makes it a lot easier. Forgiveness isn’t saying, “What you did was ok,” it is saying, “I’m not going to hold onto the pain of this any longer!” Unforgiveness doesn’t put other people in prison, it puts US in prison! That’s why Jesus told us to forgive–so we can be set free! Praying for you as you walk through this valley. And, YES! IT IS WORTH IT!!!!!
Thank you for your kind words, Gloria. You are right, forgiving is important. Sometimes, I just get used to holding onto things and afraid of letting go. But God is doing a new thing and change is on its way. Thanks for your prayers!
Julie thank you for sharing your heart, we just need to be wiling to forgive and god does the amazing rest of it. Praying for you.
Hi Julie I have been remembering a lot of hurt from the past and I have not even finished chapter 4 yet. My brain is will to give it a try but my heart is not. Every time I pick up the book to finish the chapter I start to cry, so I put it back down. I do not know what to do. I’m scared because I don’t want to go back to my old self. I was not a nice person while I was drinking. Bring up the past scares me a lot. I pray all the time for God to heap me understand what he wants me to do. Please Pray for me too that I can finish the chapter and God helps me to forgive others and myself ant to move on to better things He has in store for me.
In Christ Love
Jeremiah has a much stronger message today than before. I have overlooked the freedom that comes in living this scripture. Thank you Renee for new insight. I read page 81 yesterday and realized, anew, that I have choices to make that indeed bring me freedom through my PaPa and our growing relationship we share daily. The question remains, am I willing to choose freedom through Jesus and come back to the well of life or remain in the captivity of my doubts? I choose freedom, even if it comes with tears and pain.
Thanks for the video today. Going through a really difficult time right now and I am using the wrong filter. Your story of family broken by divorce and your happy ever after. I too have that story. Can’t wait to see the next video. Thanks again Renee.
“YOU ARE A RUNNER “, This statement is my label and has been since I was young. Anyone that has ever been close to me has walked out of my life. I did not realize the label I have on my back was TRUE OR UNDERSTAND , until reading chapter 4. I am not close to anyone. I do not share my feelings with anyone. I figure they will just leave like my grandparemts did when they did nothing about the abuse i went through as.a child, or when suposedly best friemds who know your secrets swear they will keep in touch whem they move. It never happens. My mom walked out of our lives when I was a teen . So to deal with the fear of abandonment I RUN OR SABATOGE THE RELATIONSHIP. Unfortunately, this has been my pattern with GOD. SO I RUN, BOLT, LEAVE ….FIRST. This way i am the controller. I am so thankful to have been prompted by A FRIEND TO DO this STUDY. It has been a blessing in my life so far. THANK YOU !!!!
I too am a RUNNER. I run away, escape, before I can get hurt. I’ve been hurt alot in my past and I have WALLS UP with everyone. Can’t get close to others. I want friends and relationships, but I too run away or sabotage the relationship – first – so I’m not the one getting hurt. But I’m walking thru life hurt. I don’t want to run away from God anymore. I will choose to believe He is always here for me; when I run or when I stay. I will pray for you Chris, and I, today, that God teaches us to TRUST Him and others. That no one is perfect; we will get hurt in this life but to try to BE IN relationships is what He wants for us.
Christine, thanks so much for you prayers and words of encouragement. I can’t tell you how
much it means to me, to know that a complete stranger, sister in Christ is praying for a stronger relationship with others and God………. for ME !! I will pray for you also. I so do not want to be RUNNER anymore and I really do not like the label. Along with ths runner label I also get “You are so hard hearted”, I don’t want that either. Although, both labels have seen me through so many situations that I knew if I let my self feel it would be the END ! So again THANK YOU !!
Thank you Renee for the courage to write this book. I now read chapter 4 for the second time and after watching your video I cried. Hurt and thoughts came to mind from my past as a little girl. I realize that I never felt I was good enough and that is why I am so hard on myself today. My two sister received praise for excellent grades, how beautiful they were, their large group of friends, and having boyfriends. I wanted that praise from my parents and others. Instead I was told you look like a mini Maggie (my mom), try harder and your grades will improve, your too quiet that’s why you don’t have friends…..etc.
When these messages are stated over and over they are drilled into you….I am going to try the time line and walk the journey past these hurts so I can embrace my future with HOPE. I didn’t know then but now I do, that what I needed was God’s unconditional Love!
Amen Ruth. I have realized too, after reading the first three chapters, how important it is for me to truly know and accept God’s unconditional Love. Without trying to analyze my situations anymore, I try to just let go and let God be my only measuring tool. If I am pleasing to him, then I have done well. Easier said then done sometimes.
Amen Ruth And Carolyn I too realize a lot from my past still kind of scared to face it. If I can’t forgive myself how can God forgive me. I keep reading chapter 4 and I know God will make it click for me. Please pray for me to move forward. I love God so much there is nothing I would not do for him. In Christ love.
I love when you said to look at our hurt, past, or pains of today through the filter of God’s power not through the filter of our past and what we have been through or even done. This was a very concrete articulation of God’s grace to me and it was almost as if I saw myself set one filter down so I could pick another one up. The thing about God’s filter is he helps me carry it and it allows what is coming through the filter to not seem so weighted. Bless you for how you speak in real terms that touch an everyday mom.
I agree with you Christy. If I truly chose to look at my current situations through the filter of God’s huge power instead of through the filter of my past, my life, my attitude, and my hope would be transformed. I WILL choose to look through the filter of His power. I am a bit daunted at the time looking back at our past hurts and processing them with God will take, but I am also longing for the healing it could bring.
Cannot wait to see the next video this week
amen! it takes courage to walk in obedience, especially when you know it means walking through some valleys, but i shall fear no evil for God, Himself, IS with me. I’ve incredulously asked God where He was in my darkest hours and He lovingly showed me He was there and how He was working on my behalf. I encourage all of you ladies to call upon Him, for He WILL answer you and show you great and mighty things as you look toward the future!
http://adjustedsails.wordpress.com/2013/02/20/the-glory-of-it-all/
I need prayers today. I have greatly enjoyed this study so far and feel like God is really working in my heart to be real with Him and others, but for whatever reason, last night I slipped back into the doubts and fears that I do not really belong to Him and that He is so far away. I know that He is never far away from us, but I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me that God will show me the truth and help me to deal with this the way He wants me to. I have always been insecure, but seemed like I was moving along in my relationship with Him and now i’m even questionning if I have a real relationship with Him.
Praying for you Ashley. I know it can be a constant battle I caught myself in that same old cycle today at work. I sometimes wonder if my prayers go past the ceiling. But then something will happen to show me He is hearing me.
Ashley,
Recently I was bombarded with lies, attacks and criticism from within myself. I knew I needed help. I took time to stand up to the lies by calling upon God and reading His words. Within 20 minutes I was freed from the lies and I was back to normal. I think understanding darkness (fear,criticism and discouragement) and where it comes from (Satan), how to recognize it and overcome it is just as important as learning about God’s light and love.
Even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light-He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness.
I think it is important to understand and accept that darkness exists-but not to dwell there. We know light exists-we feel joy, goodness and love. God’s light is real!
Spiritual light rarely comes to those who merely sit in darkness waiting for someone to flip a switch. We must act and call upon Him. The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but the night always gives way to dawn, the light will come. The darkness will surely fade, because it cannot exist in the presence of light.
With Christ, darkness cannot succeed. Darkness will not gain victory over the light of Christ.
He will come to us in our darkness if we call out to Him.
praying for Ashley. here is something I got today
In Christ love
Often we do just the opposite of Noah. We worry about the details over which we have no control, while neglecting specific areas that are under our control such as attitudes, relationships, or responsibilities. Like Noah, concentrate on what God gives you to do, and leave the rest to him. What details do you need to entrust to God?
Hope you like it. Only concern your self with the things you can change and let God handle the rest.
Thank you all so much for the encouraging words! Just this morning, God showed me once again how much He loves me. The Holy Spirit brought back to my heart the fact that Jesus died for me and rose again for ME and that since I have asked Him to save me, it is done! I don’t have to be perfect-He is and already paid the price for my sins. Thanks for the prayers…keep praying for me. I truly appreciate your replies!