My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
Hi there, is it rite to just study from books not to pay a visit internet for most up-to-date updates, what you say friends?
I would love to walk through and out of the path unforgiveness and hurt have driven me. My God deserves my best; my husband and children do too!
I would love to win a copy of Suzie’s book. I am refreshed and renewed by reading stories of other Christian’s triumphing over the sin that comes naturally to man.
I thought I had lived through enough hurt and nothing could ever surpass the hurt that I have lived through, by the Grace of God, I have. Two failed marriages, where the ex husbands were womanizers, alcoholics and yes, they cheated on me. Right now, I am dealing with a marriage that I believed whole heartedly and still do, that was meant to help me move along and see the good in people and most of all a marriage. When I met my husband almost eight years ago, he was everything I could possibly imagine… a hard working self employed man, his children were his life when he had them, never made plans outside of them and didn’t even introduce me to them until months had passed by before making sure that we were on a right path of a good relationship. He protected them. He was and still is not a drinker, he goes to work and comes straight home. When we married and bought our own home, because of my job, I had to have the internet and my computer, (something he didn’t have at his house when I met him). Things went along fine for a couple of years, then unfortunately, life brought severe changes when I went through menopause and I immediately sought out help, he never complained through the process while I searched for help, but my mood swings definitely placed a wedge and he started distancing himself and that’s when he became addicted to the internet. Since then, even though he makes every effort to do things together, the conversations, the closeness dwindled to hardly none. No validation that he was still in love with me, that I still looked beautiful, none of the caring and endearing words a wife looks for from her husband. He felt like I was asking too much of him. I have since found emails and pictures of other women. I know in my heart he hasn’t had a physical affair, but I do believe there have been a few emotional ones. I stand strong by my vows and God is leading me to pray over him daily, nightly and every time I fell God stirring within me. I know that God has given us authority over casting out and rebuking the devils work, so I’ve been praying exactly that…. My burdens are heavy, but I believe the real man I married is still within him. On many occasions, I blame myself for my not handling my menopause better, or that my insecurities got the best of me… I would love to have the chance to read your book. I feel like I have forgiven him, but many times, the hurt crawls back in…..
Very well written. I know partially how you feel. Why does life have to be so difficult??? I too am lookiing for answers and help…
There are so many hurting people that could use, more than I could?, maybe. But, I would like a chance to check out this book. I will happily pass it along to the number of people I know that could also use it when I am finished with it. 🙂
I was reading this and thinking “are they talking about me?” I keep trying to convince myself that I’ve gotten over my mom giving me up at age 6 to my dad and abusive step mom, but I haven’t. I talk the talk, but it’s amazing how those things don’t just disappear. I bury loads of emotions about my childhood. I keep “secrets” if you will because I can’t bring myself to even tell my husband of 16 years what happened to me. All this does carry over into my marriage and at times my husband pays the price. I would love to win this book so maybe I can put all of it behind me.
I really thought I had forgiven and moved on from the past of problems with an alcoholic father , but in reading your review of this book I realize that I have just buried a lot of it. I’m not sure how to do this and would love to read this book for help!!
I would like to win a copy of this book; however, even if I dont, what you wrote in this forward really spoke to me – “I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it.” I have felt the same way for so long, as if it’s almost wrong to feel pain. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Hi just like so many other woman here I would love the opportunity to read this book as I believe it would be so freeing for us as husband and wife but also in my other relationships as well. I have been the victim of abuse and other things and just going through the process of forgivenessI believe would allow me to have better relationships. thank you for all you do in your ministry. I love your devotions. thank you
I would love this opportunity to win this book. Just by reading the little bit I did I can see myself in it as I am sure so many other women do. This would be a great to read since I just recently finished a confident heart and I am going to hold a book study of my own on Confident hear, it would be great to share this book as well!
I am currently going through this process in Celebrate Recovery. This book sounds like a great resource that could aid my recovery.
I will like to win a copy of the book!!! 🙂
I have felt the discouragement and pain that comes from a broken abusive family. After my dad passed away, I tried to deal with part of it by taking a grief course. I know that God has better things for me, but just like the forward, I take those painful things to heart and feel unworthy. Thank you for helping others through their tough times in life.
I asked God to help me, He sent you, please help me.
Would love to learn how to forgive self.
I am walking with a young mom with 3 small children as she walks through a most painful separation ..heading to divorce…he husband has done so many painful and hurtful things and she is becoming more filled with anger and resentment….so much I forgiveness is building….this book sounds like it would be very helpful…thanks for the opportunity to win this….
I would love to win a copy of this book!
I’m a 34 year old mother of 4 amazing children and have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally as well. My whole life I’ve struggled with a father who decided he no longer wanted me at the age of 8. I never felt as though I was angry or needed to forgive him but for some reason I could never let go of the pain and in turn I’ve never truly been happy with my life. I’ve started to embark on a journey this past year that heavenly father has brought me to. I’m not always finding it easy, but I know that in order to enjoy all the blessing that he has given me, I have to learn to forgive the past with all that it brings. I don’t want to be stuck in this rut of self loath and pain anymore. I don’t think its a mistake that up until yesterday I just stumbled upon 31 proverbs ministries, I think this is part of God’s plan for me. I know that this book will help me along this journey in my life!
From your book Confident Heart, I learned to forgive myself ….. forgive myself for ever being born. I grew up with a mother who repeatedly told me I was a mistake God made – and worse I believed her. I hated myself. As a little girl, I use to write in crayon to please let me die to make my mother happy. I tried all my life to be good enough to love. Then through a terrific Bible study group, I began to accept that God did love me. I had always believed there was a God but just knew there was no way He could love me. I fell more and more in love – a love relationship – with Him as I read and absorb the book Confident Heart. Now I as I journey into an ever deeper love relationship with Him – and share this love with others – want to learn to truly forgive others as well as myself.
Thank you for sharing to all of us so we can come to know this unbelievable Love He feels for each of us…..a Love that is indescribable yet felt so personally. He really does Love me !
I just screamed out loud as I read this. A parallel of myself, only difference is Ive been in this for 15 years and I believe Ive caused alot more damage. BUT I’m on my way to a diffferent me. God woke me up again so its not to late.
This is the season I’m in right now. I’ve been here for about 3 years. I’m working through my past also and come to a stand still. I know there are some things left unfinished and I so want to get to the other side. I think this book will get me back on the right track. Forgiveness is so hard to give to others, but even harder to give yourself.
I need to read this book. I find forgiveness very difficult. It takes me way too long to forgive when I’ve been hurt.
I need this
I need this book! I have been married and divorced twice. Forgiveness is hard for me to do. I believe that this will help me to forgive all that have hurt me.
I saw this on 1oo huntley and I felt like someone else understood my heart.
I need help. I have been working on forgiving my parents for all the wrongs they have done to me and my silings for years. For the first time in my life I am experiencing a positive relationship with my mother who was physically and emotionally abusive to me.
I am a mother of a soon to be one year old and I currently live the child’s father though we are unwed. Our son is our mircacle baby as doctors didn’t think we could get pregnant and it wasn’t until an hour after he proposed to me did we find out that I was. We have since called off the engagement, though I still wear my ring, and we are barely holding on to our relationship. We have both created problems by not being fully honest with eachother as well as with ourselves.
In the recent months I have found my way back to God and have began to truely walk WITH him even though I have been saved since I was a child. And when the true fear of losing my spouse became realized I realized how much I had been feeding the problems by not recognizing my part in them. By showing him how things could be corrected if he did this or that, but not by looking at what I needed to do to correct my own faults.
God is showing me know that many of the problems I have had at home with my spouse are the same ones I have had within relationships at work, with friedns and with family.
I want so badly to forgive my parents and my spouse for the hurt they have done to me. I feel like even though my spouse has done his fair share of wrongs I helped to get us to a place where he could because I was pushing my past experiences onto him. So afraid of reliving my parents lives I have created the very life I was running from. I need to learn to be me.
Your story is nearly my story.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Renee. 🙂
“You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.” These statements have really caused me to think. You see, I grew up with an alcoholic father, and my mom was a pillar for us five siblings during those years. I have always been fearful about things, attributing it to the scary times in my childhood. Is there more to this fear than I realize? Thank you for helping me to consider these things and go to God with them in prayer. God bless you!
I have heavy stuff on my heart that I definitely need to get rid of.
who doesnt need help with forgiveness…
I always know when God is speaking to me because he wakes me up very early when I can’t be distracted by my day. When I got up this morning I knew God wanted me to dig into His word but what I wasn’t expecting was to find myself on your blog reading your devotion that could have been written about me! I recently accepted the fact that I myself was the problem to my marriage. Notthat my husband is blameless, just that I’m not giving him the credit he deserves for trying. I’ve kept him in the his past, the man that caused me so much pain by his betrayal, not the man God has changed his heart to be. I want to move past this & I trust there are blessings that will come from that. I need to realize if I want change I myself will have to be that change. I also thought of my sister, who also experienced the same kind of betrayal I did, only to find herself alone & divorced. This book could not only benefit me & my family, but my sister & her family as well. She doesn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, like many of my other siblings, but I’m hoping she will someday. Thank you for opening up your heart to help me find mine! May God continue to Bless you as you continue to Bless others.
I”ve been struggling emotionally about my past. I’ve been asking God to help me end this hurt that I feel. I feel God has lead me to Suzie, to heal from the hurt.
I have to learn to walk in forgiveness everyday & God is the only way my marriage can stay to gether for ours & our sons sake. Theusage videosre r a lot of abuse & death & infidelity in my past I need sommer some 12 help me work thru in jesuname just don’t
I would love to win a copy of this book, there are a lot of things from my past that have carried over into my marriage that I need help learning how to move past.
I would love to learn the secret to forgiving!
I think you’re an amazing lady, with so much to teach and share! I’m quite the fan and you’ve brought so much insight to me… THANK YOU!) THX and God bless! Katie
Wow—-did you think there would be so many !?!? It must be a great topic for not just me–but a lot of women. I thought it was special for me!!!! I would love to read this book and would like to live every day with an “unburdened heart” Thank you so much for the way you minister!!
I never thought I had a problem with unforgiveness before but I’m finding that unforgiveness shows up in many other ways like bitterness, anger and depression. Can’t wait to read this book!
Being unforgiving is a burden. Learning how to drop that burden God’s way is a blessing we all need.
This sounds like a book I need to read. I’m in the middle of divorce and I know I do not want to have any unforgiveness when this is all done. (Or now for that matter.) But it’s so hard to know the difference between allowing myself grace to feel emotions that God knows I must feel to heal, and not sinning with unforgiveness. I would love to receive a free copy.
I would love this book! I have been reading dozens of books for self-help. My first marriage was full of cheating, sexual abuse, and verbal abuse. I carried this over to my second marriage (thought I was over the first) with mistrust, suspicion, and not being able to let down my guards. He brought enough “baggage” also, in that we have a rocky marriage. I also..have felt a victim to my circumstance…angry even with God. My husband lost his job and had to move 2 hours away to college. I started working at home because a job that I held for 17 years turned extremely stressful. Was overworked (they split my job in 3 when I left). My supervisors daughter wanted my job. She got it in the end. Feeling threatened and treated unfairly and talking to the CEO, was told that my supervisor had been telling him that I was not doing my job. I had to leave. I did not know isolation would lead me to depression. Isolation was horrible for me…losing ego (what I call the black hole), not knowing who I was anymore (loss of self), and a horrible feeling of mourning that has been ongoing for 3 years. I feeling as thought my heart and soul is longing for something or mourning something, in which I cannot define. I also deal with heart problems, as at 40 was found to have many holes in my heart and head to have the entire atrial septum removed and replaced with Bovine (in which I thought my “wipe-outs” and palpitations was only due to extreme work stress and ultimately…..total burnout. I also was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This condition being a huge stressor….as I worked (medical transcription ) in pain…and paying our bills was depending on me being able to work…..even if in severe pain. I crashed. Too many changes. Felt no support from my husband. Angry at God (for this need to forgive/ask forgiveness). Angry at my past work (need to forgive and let go). Mourning. Pain. No feeling of self. Feeling of no purpose. Loss of ego – completely. Burned out. Stressed out. Angry at my husband for no support (need to forgive) – he is dealing with his own stressors and sense of no importance and loss of self. Trying to help myself (because I cannot afford counseling). I have found excellent books, and must say that your book (Renee) had been a stepping stone from getting out of horrible depression. I was sobbing constantly. I cried over anything. I cried without reason. Just felt that horrible “emptiness” that I could not label. I would love to win this book! I appreciate all help!
Wow could this be written for me? There is so much and so many people in my life I need to forgive starting at 3yrs old with my molester. If this is a guide to do that I am willing to try and forgive, I just need some type of guidance and believe this is that guidance for me
I really hope to win a copy of this book because I have been struggling with this area of forgiveness with my best friend who has hurt me really deeply this past year. I’ve come to a point of realizing that I NEED to forgive but the one question that I keep coming back to is: HOW? I really want to get past this season and hope to get to freedom from this hurt and pain.
I’m well aware of how our spiritual health is reflected in our bodies – I’ve been battling pains, headaches, etc but maybe it’s from not forgiving- even though I said I have- have I really? Is it a process rather than a line in the sand? My feathers get ruffled whenever I think about all the manipulative games my father played all my life- the ‘debt’ he recorded in a little book. The burden he put on my shoulders when my mother needed to go into a nursing home due to dementia & Parkinson’s. Instead of helping him with it all- he washed his hands of it & told me I had to handle it. He can’t hear well & won’t wear his hearing aids- so that’s an excuse to walk away? My mother passed away a year ago January & it still hurts about the whole thing.
I completely saw myself in what you wrote about your attitude toward your husband. I too come from a broken home and even before my parents divorce , I had no relationship with my dad. He was never around and when he was he was very controling, critical and emotionally distant. My relationship with my dad was so nonexistent that from a very young age I never called him dad but called him by his first name. There are so many things that I never got to experience like having my dad walk me down the aisle. All I ever dreamed of as a little girl was for a knight in shining armor to ride in and we would live happily ever after. I came into our marriage with a lot of expectations and a lot of baggage and deep wounds from my childhood. I truly need to be able to forgive and get past this. Not only has it affected my marriage but it has hindered my faith because I look at God as a father figure and since I had a very negative view of what a father was from my earthy father, I have a hard time trusting God and believing He truly loves me.
Sounds like an awesome book. Like so many others I struggle with forgiveness…not only in forgiving others but in forgiving myself.. This book will be an excellent tool for so many people. Would love to win it.
I have been able to forgive a lot throughout my life (I am 65 now) but somethings have not been that easy to let go of. I have, overtime been able to put them aside. However I have now been struggling for 3 years now with an anger and sometimes intense hatred that I have had a hard time getting past. You see, our daughter was in an abusive marriage. She was taking pain meds for a chronic condition that eventually was identified and that she needed surgery for. She began using her pain meds and alcohol to cope with her situation. Her husband started to become abusive to our Grandson, who was 6 at the time so we assisted our Dtr to leave him. She left him multiple times but he always convinced her to go back. When our 2nd Grandson was 6 mos. old she tried to leave again and moved in with us. Her drinking was out of control, her anger directed at us as her husband began working on her again. CPS became involved and they believed his lies about us and gave him custody of the kids. She left and went back to him, however he was plotting to take the kids away from. 1 1/2 years ago, just before Christmas he assaulted her and took off with the kids. He left her destitute. She’s still struggling to turn her life around and has not been able to see her sons since he left. (When he left he left all his belongings as well as the boys belongings so this was well planned with help from his family). We have not seen our Grandsons for almost 3 years. One is 10 now and the other is 3 1/2. I pray daily for their safety and return & try to pray for their dad but I find the unwanted feelings are a great barrier. I would love a chance to win this book because maybe it would help me to let go and forgive and overcome the heaviness and guilt I feel for not being able to forgive him & his family.
Sorry guess i hit post twice…
I have struggled with forgiveness my entire life. I have come to know that through prayer I find peace. A peace that can only be found as I am able to truly give my pain to Him. I may never forget but it is possible to forgive…when it feels like I am holding back…I just keep on praying…but there are times when I just don’t let it go…it’s hard when the hurt is deep….I keep trying to post but it says it is a duplicate. I have never posted here before…
I have struggled with forgiveness my entire life. I have come to know that through prayer I find peace. A peace that can only be found as I am able to truly give my pain to Him. I may never forget but it is possible to forgive…when it feels like I am holding back…I just keep on praying…but there are times when I just don’t let it go…it’s hard when the hurt is deep….
Your story sounds a lot like what I have been experiencing.I didn’t understand my feelings. Thank you for clarifying . I realize I need this book so I can walk in forgiveness.
I need to read this book. I am having a really difficult time forgiving my husband for poor choices he has made.
I would love to win the book as I also knows the hard ache of married..After 25 years of marriage my husband just walked out the door..I still don’t know why..I have seen him once at court….I still feel hurt and I hate him at times..I am losing my house and have no place to go all because of him..He does not pay support and I want something done..Lot of anger and bitterness..How can I forgive him ???? He was my life…He has been gone for 3 years this coming May…I have gone for counceling and it seems like its not working..Maybe I want to continue to hate him and be angry all the time..I don’t know..I am tired of crying over this..God bless you!@