My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
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I intimately relate to the feelings of dissatisfaction in my marriage; I was told that I was fat, lazy, ugly stupid. He told me that he didn’t love me, never loved me….he didn’t even like me. Even after I took his clothes and threw them in the front lawn as a statement that his tyranny will no longer be tolerated, the anger didn’t magically disappear. He retaliated with allegations that I subjected our children to dangerous, abusive, threatening and inappropriate behaviors. Clearly, it was a litigation strategy he exercised to gain an advantage in our divorce. The lies he has reported has substantially interfered with my access to my children. I have not been able to fashion a new family unit post divorce or move past the disputes. For safety reasons, experts involved in our case have articulated guidelines that limit my continued contact with one of my two daughters. Although it has been determined the presence of any abuse was frivolous, groundless and vexatious, my older daughter (12) still thinks I am the enemy. SHe was torn from the parent that has loved her, protected, provided, spent time with, nurtured; a previously strong, entact, positive and loving relationship transformed to outward hostility. She participates in the denigration; she is sure of herself as an “independent thinker” that events that NEVER occured actually happened. She has a vivid imagination as she describes scenarios she did not experience. The animosity has spread to friends and family. My beautiful child has become estranged, she has not had the benefit of a mother in 4 years, she hasn’t spent the night with me in over 2 years, and she continues to collaborate with her father. How do I find forgiveness? I know I must humbly surrender: “Go and Let God.” I find it difficult to have faith that all is well. In spite of all my fears, feelings, struggles, confusions I am simply suppose to trust in God that everyting is OK. Making that leap to cooperate with God’s will may be discovered via An Unburdened Heart? It would be my honor to win a free copy of this book. I am desperate to discover the magic sauce/secret ingredient to forgiveness. For some reason I keep experiencing repetitive victimization with no exit….forgiveness may be the way to set me free.
Like most people who would like to win a copy of Unburdened I too have things and people in my life that I’m struggling to forgive. I know I should forgive and can see the logic of why to forgive but I am lost as to how to forgive. I like to say I understand that those people who’s choices hurt me are just that “people” I’m sure I’ve made mistakes that hurt others, it’s life. But getting to the point where I’m not constantly reminded of the pain, or playing out a possible conversation where I make these people understand my pain, seems far off. To have people’s names make me angry isn’t working for me anymore I want the freedom and peace of forgiving everyone.
Hi I am the women’s ministry director of a church in a suburb of Houston, Texas and have read many of the Proverbs 31 books and have always grown in great ways from studying them and have often shared them with the women of my church through bible studies; I think this may be a really good one to do that with as we all have issues hidden and known that we need to forgive in order to fully live the life Christ wants for us. I know this book would help many women in my church as well as myself. Thank you for your awesome ministry!!!!
God gives us the strength and desire to do anything which will give Him the glory! And He can encourage us through your book – that’s why I’d like to win a copy. Offering forgiveness has been difficult for me with some people, and yet was easy to extend to others….
My intent for reading this book would not be strictly for myself, but my adult daughters. They are not speaking and one has completely written the other off. As their mother, this breaks my heart. I would like to read the book so I could help the one that seems to be so very bitter and unable to let go. I see her wrecking her life and the life of those around her. She is losing friends and a very important support network. My goal is not to meddle (remember they are adults), but to encourage them both. Before it’s too late.
I just can say God is a loving, forgiving God that asks us to do the same.
I have been struggling with unforgiveness for so long now. I know it is wrong of me to withhold my forgiveness, but honestly, I just don’t know how to separate my hurt from my anger. I know the anger is causing me to be unforgiving. I definitely have a heart that is surrounded by pain and anger now. I want to be free of this prison so much. I am critical, sad, angry, hurt, downtrodden,jealous, hopeless, and I don’t like myself at all. I’ve been a believer my whole life and I know enough to know that all of these feelings are coming from my unforgiving heart. I don’t like this person that has taken over residence in my heart and my mind. I have a daughter who is nine and has severe trust issues because she has a dad that has done nothing but let her down. I don’t want her to mirror my emotional habits. I know this is something only the Lord can change in me, but I also know I have to let him do it. I just am having such a difficult time. 🙁
I just went through the Walk to Emmaus and it saved my life! I had those black, dark places in my heart, mind and soul and even thought of taking my life, but I cried out to the Holy Father and He helped me to get on the right path. I didn’t know why I was doing that either, but I was not me anymore and started going deeper in the Word and reading constantly, writing in my journal and doing a lot of praying! Thank you for the opportunity to have a chance at this book.
May God bless you all!
I need this book. Please pick me!
I still struggle with grudges I’ve held for years, and I’m having a hard time forgiving. I’ll take all the help I can get. 🙂
I am in a process of healing after having experienced deep disappointment and devastation on several levels. I would love to have this book, and live in complete freedom.
I would so love to win this book. Confident at Heart was a game changer for me and I have a feeling this will be too. I just caught myself thinking bitter thoughts again today and I’d love to live in freedom from that.
I am at a horrible point in my marriage that I am angry everyday with my husband and children. I need to be free and let go of anger but I keep getting angry and I just want to be alone so I can’t be angry at anyone.
Forgiveness is hard. Looks like it is going to be so beneficial to all.
This book sounds like it would be very beneficial to use in our battered women’s support group. Forgiveness is very difficult for women who have been abused and betrayed.
I would love to win a copy!
the excerpts sound great, plus it is from Proverbs 31
I have always had a difficult time forgiving those who are not sorry for the wrong things they have done. How do you forgive someone who doesn’t care that they’ve hurt you or doesn’t believe they need forgiveness? I’d like to read this book because there are some people in my life I need to and have tried to forgive but every time I do this they turn around and do even more hurtful things. I would like like to experience the freedom of forgiveness so that I can move on and not be burdened with the hurt anymore.
I look at all these people that are hurting. I know that God wants us free from unforgiveness. Somehow that knowledge does not make the act of forgiving any easier. I see the people that caused such deep feelings of hurt and betrayal moving forward and I am stuck still in the grieving process. I am tired of being stuck. I want to be free.
Forgiveness does so much for a person. It gives them freedom. I know someone who could use this book right now….someone that I love.