My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
Forgiveness is one of those life lessons that I am still learning. Most of the time, I can forgive, but it is the moving on that I struggle with. I have realized that even though I forgive, the hurt is still there. I don’t notice it until something is said or done and that hurt is triggered. Then that hurt turns to bitterness and then to anger. It feels like a never ending cyle.
I want to move on and truly forgive and forget. And I am trying. Gos is working on me. I am making “imperfect progress” as Lysa Terkerust says.
Forgiveness definitely an area I believe God wants me to address, but it is so hard to do. Think this book would be a great help.
I would LOVE to have this book. I know I am forgiven and experienced a fabulously unconditional loving family growing up. However once my kids came along I felt like my parents checked out. As a mother of preschoolers that was very hurtful. I’m not sure of all the issues that they were dealing with at the time, but I can tell even 10 years later the relationship is not what I feel like God wants in any of our lives. I don’t want the wall, but I don’t want the hurt either. This book seems like it would be a major blessing to wash over and heal a heart that desperately wants God’s spirit to be flowing from every pour of her body.
How can I ask God to forgive me if I can’t forgive those that hurt me? I have to remember that you forgive the person not the act. So, I have been trying to pray for the person that hurt me. It is hard.
Would love to have the book. My best friend and I have been walking through a very difficult time over this past year. Me being single and her having a large family made for a very benefical friendship for both. But over the past year, hurtful things have happened and we are not close anymore. It has been a very difficult time for me because I thought I finally had a family and fit in somewhere. I would really like to find healing in this friendship and think this book could help me.
As mcuh needed book. If people would only realize how much they loose out in life and their spiritual walk when they hold on to things and don’t forgive.
I would like to win a copy of Suzy’s book because I have dealth with similar struggles of forgiving my biological father for leaving my mother, two brothers, and myself. The impact of abandonment did not occur to me until later in my adult life, but I realize that it has had an effect on how I operate in relationships. I would like to be fully capable, through Christ, of forgiving all those who have hurt me and who have yet to disappoint, abandon, and/or betray me. Without Him, I am not capable of this. With Him, anything is possible.
Forgiveness is a daily struggle. Which goes along with trust. I am having to do both with my husband after his numerous affairs. Why didn’t I give up? I felt that God was telling me to stay and fight and not give satan the victory. It has been the most painful part of my life and the most time consuming. It is very hard for me to totally forgive and release him from this sin because of the hurt that affected so many.
I look forward to reading this book and hope to win the giveaway.
Thank you.
This sounds like the perfect book for my daughter who is struggling greatly with the issue of forgiveness. As I try and help her navigate relationships in her life, the absence of forgiveness seems toe at the root if each one. She is desperately searching in all the wrong places,and this sounds like it would speak to her heart.
Blessings to all those who opened their hearts and souls to share their stories so we could learn, grow and find healing from them.
Oh how precious this message is! I am currently walking through a class called, ‘In the Wildflowers’ and this would be a wonderful book to partner with on this journey of forgiveness! Thank you for the opportunity of this blessing!
I know I could really use reading this book. Certainly father issues and forgivenes I have to deal with in my life. i love reading the Proverbs 31 ministry devotionals and Renee Swope especially 🙂
What a powerful tool for taking the next steps on the journey to His Promised Land!
“For I am The Lord, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will
help you.” Isaiah 41:13
Blessings dear friends! 🙂
I need to continue my journey and I really need this direction in my life I feel that this is a start in my healing and learning what God wants for me
forgiveness is hard. Through God’s grace I have learned it is better to forgive than to hold on and hinder our movement forward. I would like a copy of this book not for me but for my daughter who has to move to a place of forgivness just as you did with her Father. I have been seeking a way to help her through this- she is still young and I want and pray she can deal with this issue before she get deep into relationships. This book would be a blessing.
Wow this book sounds amazing…. I struggle with forgiveness because in the surface we say we forgive. But then later things will happen and we are wronged again, and you say ok I forgave you the last time or the last two time, maybe three times but at what point do I say ok you just don’t care who gets hurt…. I know in my heart I’m not perfect and God has never told me thats the last time I forgive you so I can’t either .. So how do I safe guard my heart from not feeling like I deserve this kind of treatment???? That’s why I want the book… I want to hear other testimonials of real people in today’s time that offer forgiveness and receive it too…
This book looks really good. Think I need to read it!
I would love to learn how to walk out forgiveness. I’ve had many opportunities to forgive. And it seems it’s easier to forgive worse offenses (though it is still difficult) of people I never have to see again than it is to forgive those who are close to me that I have to regularly forgive and live out life with.
Knowing this study is right on time, life is but a vapor and I pray all these hurts will be healed through this study before time that can’t be recaptured is gone. Please keep me in prayer and thank you for following God in this study.
I would loove this book….trying to work my way through years of hurt. I know that God is enough in my heart but my mind just keeps saying how unworthy I am! 🙁
I think this book would be very helpful for my mother. She is 79 and was raised in extreme poverty. There was alcoholism, and abuse. She was molested when she was in first grade. She carries so much anger and is distrustful of everyone. Last summer, she had open heart surgery. Now it seems as if she has a second chance. I only wish she could let go of the past, and forgive those who hurt her so badly. I would love to be able to give her this book in hopes of helping to facilitate her healing so her last years might be more joy filled than the previous 79.
This sounds like an awesome read. I would love to work through this book with a lovely christian of four months that I have recently started mentoring. Her heart is so on fire for the Lord. Her conversion to christianity has caused her family to be quite hostile towards her, and she is dealing with past childhood hurts and how to be loving and forgiving and Christlike while working through the pain.
Many Blessings to all of you at P31 for your great ministry.
Would love to read this then share with another.
I think I need this book more than I realize. Just this morning driving to work long past instances of feeling ridiculed and put down came to mind. Fortunately, the pain originally felt wasn’t there, but the remembrances did bring a small level of pain back to the surface. I want (and need) to be rid of it once and for all.
Dear Renee,
Thank you for your post. To be honest, most of the time I will not even acknowledge that an unforgiving heart applies to me! You see, to to most people I show only a positive, encouraging and loving disposition. I have always believed that this WAS me and it was because of the changes following Christ has brought to my life. Over the last several years, most recently and urgently the last two months, my marriage has deteriorated. My husband is very loving -and knows that my pain and criticism stems from unresolved bitterness toward abuse from family members in my past, as well the deaths of two of my young husbands. Your post spoke to me very clearly that I am not alone. I would appreciate and cherish the opportunity to walk alongside Suzie and learn to truly ‘unburden my heart’. God bless you and continue to strengthen you in your ministry, Liz.
I need this book. I am struggling with unforgiveness. I hate to hold grudges because I know it only burdens me. I used to be so forgiving even when people never realized or admitted their wrong. I know as Christians we are to forgive others and ourselves so we can be forgiven but my new circumstances isn’t permitting that. I was abused psychologically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically and now I have signed up for therapy & counseling. I’m trying to figure out why God allowed this to happen on top of trying to find a job, & losing my home. How do I forgive someone who has little remorse for what they did? How do I forgive myself for being weak? My friends abandoned me & I’m really hurt by that. How do I forgive those pple who left when I needed them most? I need forgiveness & healing from it all.
Forgiveness has been very difficult for me. I lost my way for a while – and was uncertain about my future. My husband, who was a minister, left me for another woman. We had 4 small children, which the two youngest children were in diapers. Being raised in the church I was taught about forgiveness, but when it came time to forgive – I just didn’t know how. All my hopes and dreams for our future were destroyed, and I didn’t know how to get out of the dark hole I was in. There are days now when something will spark my memory and take me back to the pain, rejection and lies that I have lived with for so many years. I don’t want anything in life to hold me back, and especially the root of unforgiveness, which I know for a fact will drain the life and joy completely out of you.
As I sit here and read what YOU wrote, I weep in disbelief that those are someone else’s words, rather than my own. Sometimes it is really hard to believe that anyone lives or feels exactly the same pain or emotion that you do. This touches home so deeply. I think I have found a way to start forgiving others, but how do I ever forgive MYSELF???
I’d love to read this awesome story that parellels so many of us as women.
This book sounds like exactly what i and my family needs to break generational strongholds! I’d love to have a few copies!!
I would love to use Suzie, through this book, to continue on my own sometimes very hard, healing journey. I’m not hurt and angry, just numb right now. Sometimes so much so that I have a hard time letting God’s voice come through.
I received this email and I know without a doubt that this was God’s message to me this morning. On the drive in to work I was just talking to HIM about how I am struggling so much right now. I am the person described in this email. I am hurt and angry all the time. I feel I have become a mean, critical, demanding, controlling women and I deeply hate myself right now. I have issues with my husband they I cannot forgive. Things he did that have caused us financial hardship and doing without things each month and it will be there for at least 3 years. I know the right thing to do is forgive and seems like I do then each month when I can’t go to the gorcery store or can’t get my hair cut or can’t get the medicine I need I get mad and hurt and unforgiving all over again. Then I look and realize I just said I I I I I then I hate myself more. I would love to have this book to heal me and my family but I have no funds to buy it and that makes me mad and the circle starts over again. Seems like there are so many people in my exact same shoes. Why is there so much hurt in living each day. And all in all in should be nothing. But how do you get from knowing how it should be and what you should do and controlling your mind and heart enough to actually get to that point?
Thank you for always being available and bringing a message of hope!
I would love to win a copy of this book. If I don’t, I’ll still add it to my reading list. I grew up in a broken family (divorce) and have so much deep rooted emotion from that experience. Every time I think I’ve overcome it and am better for having gone through it, something happens that pulls those emotions up from the deepest, most raw places within. And I’m shocked by my response! It would be nice to “let it go” once and for all. 🙂
My parents are both gone now…….Dad almost 22 years and Mom just 3 years. The story is too long to tell but I didn’t grow up in a loving home. I didn’t have good counsel from my parents or a good relationship. Two years before my Dad died, he and I made peace. I have been grateful for that. Mom is a different story. In her latter years…….about 8 of them……..I was her main caregiver. The last few years was a joint effort between with my brother and his wife. I was a child that my Mom never wanted to have. I was #5 out of 7 and not welcome after having my older brother in school. I took away her short lived freedom and put her back into bondage. We never had a good relationship while I was growing up and I was out of the house by the time I was 17 with a child and a husband of my own. When I was 30, after being married for 13 years to a man who mentally and emotionally abused me ( and physically abused our children), I had remarried a wonderful man who my Mom didn’t like. A couple of years later she felt the need to unburden herself to me about not wanting me and how she cried when she found out she was pregnant. I understand the position of not wanting more children after having 4 but I’ve never understood why she had to tell me except to hurt me. I wasn’t surprised at her announcement………it answered a lot of questions about my childhood and feeling unwanted and rejected. With the help Jesus and my husband of 27 years, I have been able to work through and forgive them both. I know that these are things I will never forget on this side of heaven. After spending so many years helping to take care of my Mom and doing it even when she wasn’t nice, I am thankful that I can live regret free knowing I did everything I could for her. I would love to read this book to hopefully make certain that every nook and cranny of my heart is clear of any hurt and bitterness.
Some dayd the memories come back. Pack with a punch, driving emotions, bringing bsck the nightmares. I realize I still have work to do. Digging out the roots of bitternesd, hurt and anger. I want to be more like Jesus, forgiving, loving and kind to those who caused me the greatest pain.I know I cannot do this alone.
This story is very familiar to me. I have been trying to create a perfect Family, Marriage ,Life ever since I can remember. While reading this post I began to feel convicted. I need to forgive but, it is so hard, I really just want to run.Lord give me the strength to HOPE in you.
I have been praying for God to help me forgive my mom for not being the mom I deserved, for not being a mom at all really. I don’t know how to let go of that hope. My mom never told me she loved me until I was 30 years old, was never a nurturing person, was very selfish, physically and verbally abusive, controlling, and manipulative, and still is to this day. I think this book is my answer to prayer and will bring me the breakthough I have longed for and will help me let go and forgive my mom.
Wow, I need to read this book. It is difficult to forgive and really let it go when you have been done wrong in many ways, many times. I know we are told to forgive 7×70 times and then some but it is hard and you never know when those feelings are going to coming spiraling back.
As a new Christian I am finding more and more areas in my life that I have tried to control to make up for a lack of something in my past, God. I have found myself, after 10 years of marriage, not really knowing my husband anymore for the man he is because I have tried to control him and make him into the man I want him to be. I grew up with years of listening to fighting, emotional distance and never really feeling like I belonged in my family. My hope would be through this journey to forgive my parents for the past and allow my husband to be the wonderful man he is and not look to him to create a desired bandaid for my past.
I’m currently walking through forgiveness and would love to read this book while I’m on my journey.
Forgiveness, I understand that forgiveness will bring as much peace as to the person forgiven, that we can move on and be blessed by this. Rationally I get it, but sometimes my heart is so broken I don’t know how and where to begin and the hurt can seem too big that I would love some encouragement and to be shown ways to move through this wonderful and cleansing process. Thank you.
I think I need this book. And maybe, I could share it with some others who also need this book.
I have recently been giong through the process of forgiving offenses from my past. It has been such a freeing experience! I would love to read this book and see what other miraculous things God will do in my life!
I would to receive this resource for myself and others. Letting go if a painful past and memories is difficult. His awesome it would be to not have to carry the weight any longer and learn to give it All to Jesus.
Wow this such a confirmation for me I have been dealing with issues from my past and my family keeps telling me I have not forgiven , I have forgiven just choose not to allow myself to get caught up in all the drama and basicly I have strayed myself away from the situation.I do believe I have took the frustration out on my husband. I have tried to just be a part of my moms life but it is very hard I have tried over the years there was really bad things my stepfather did that she totally ignored and allowed him to control our relationship with her and as I get older I realize she chose a monster over her children and lived with him until he committed suicide and they talk about him being in heaven ,and she had a child with this man she allowed him and his brother to molest my baby sister and did nothing about it he beat I mean litterly beat my third sister and she put her in a car and dropped off at friends in another state because they knew the neighbors called DHS so for over 20 something years I had to live with this knowledge and they say as you get older you get wiser. For us to have a relationship with her it has to be his terms. I am told I am the crazy one and I need to see a phsychiatrist and Me & my older sister she is pentecostal she believes if she did not see or hear with her eyes it did not happen but they are all on PROZAC & ZANAX except her & I. OH they say it is ok because when his brother got thrown in prison for molesting 6 yes 6 more little girls (that is when he committed suicide a month after his brothers sentence ) so those 6 little girls could have been saved the other 6 I am sure there were more 7 counting my sister. There is so much more to this. It’s hard for me to comprehend my mom nonaction about all the bad things and live life like it never happened. I have been reading a blog by Darlene Quinn Emerging from Broken and I am thinking cutting ties with my mom might be the best & health for me and my spiritual being.
My thoughts are; In some areas I find it really hard to forgive. Though i will say I forgive and mean it at the moment eventually I realize that haven’t. Especially when the person continue to hurt my children in an effort to hurt me.
Renee, Thank you for this post and the story of forgiveness. My Jesus Sister and friend and I are building a ministry to help women in crisis, and this book will be critical to our ministry. Winning two of them would be a wonderfule blessing for us as we struggle to put together the resources for the ministry.
You are a blessing to all of us.
Mary
I would like to be considered for this free book. I have been struggling for the past year trying to understand why I was always criticizing a wonderful husband and father – I even thought to myself that he is a better man than what my dad was. It is encouragement from God that He knows my needs and even wrote a book to help me thru this issue in my life. Thank you so much for providing words for my silent prayers – prayers that I couldn’t even find words and could only moan my sorrows.
I want to forgive and I am praying and trying but sometimes the hurt is so deep.
Would like to have this book to read and to share with someone I know who really needs it.
I think I might need this. All I know is I want to be better.