My friend Suzie just released her book, The Unburdened Heart, and I’m so excited about the power and potential of her life-changing message. I had the honor of writing the foreword for her book, and I’d love to share my heart with you about it – today:
I don’t know exactly when it started. I just remember feeling angry and frustrated with my husband – almost every single day – on and off for months. One evening after an argument, J.J. told me that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, it was never enough.
He was right, but I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was tired of being mean and miserable so I started asking God to show me what was going on. To help me figure out how, after seven years of a fairly happy marriage, we had gotten to this ugly place.
Over time I sensed God was showing me that I wanted J.J. to make up for what my dad had never been as a father to me and as a husband to my mom. I think I was trying to create my own version of “happily-ever-after,” and in doing so I became very controlling and critical.
You see, years as a child in a broken home with a broken heart had led to a significant sense of loss and deep disappointment. But I had never processed, grieved or let go of what I thought I deserved yet didn’t have.
My unforgiving heart and unfulfilled hopes had created bitter expectations. I thought if I could get J.J. to be the husband and dad I wanted him to be, maybe my broken past and shattered dreams could be put back together.
I knew I needed to deal with my pain, but I couldn’t just forgive and forget it. It wasn’t that easy. There were layers of hurts and issues I’d never dealt with.
I took the first step by acknowledging my pain and giving myself permission to feel it. Then I carved out time each week to unpack the memories and events that led me to this hard place and then I allowed God to heal them.
I asked Jesus to help me grieve the loss of things I wanted that I would never have from my dad. And I asked Him to walk me through the steps of forgiving my father so I could release the anger, abandonment and hurt that had held me prisoner for so long.
It was a process that took time, prayer and courage, but it was worth it. I was worth it. My marriage was worth it.
Like most people, I didn’t want to face my pain. I didn’t have time and I didn’t want to dig it all up. But I am so glad I did! Through it all, God showed me how to let go of my past hurts so I could take hold of hope and healing I never thought I would find.
As I worked through what happened in my childhood, and how it was affecting my marriage, I realized I needed the help of a friend. I needed someone who had walked a similar road to come alongside me to offer wisdom and another perspective in my healing journey.
Through the pages of The Unburdened Heart, Suzie Eller is that friend. Offering wisdom and a heart full of compassion, Suzie will come beside you and mentor you each step of the way. Yet Suzie doesn’t just share from a place of knowing about forgiveness; she writes from a place of living it and giving it, when it’s hard.
One thing I love about Suzie and the message she lives, is that she’s not a cookie-cutter Christian. She won’t just say, “You need to forgive.” She knows it’s not that easy, but she also cares too much to leave you in that hard place. Instead, she’ll take your hand and walk you through the process, sharing her story as you look at yours.
Bringing depth to the layers of a forgiving-life, Suzie will help you explore the different meanings of forgiveness as she walks with you through your unique journey. She’ll also introduce you to amazing women and men who have offered their hearts, their stories and their courage to help you recover yours!
Chapter by chapter Suzie will invite you, even urge you at times, into a place of hope and healing because she wants you to experience the sacred transformation that forgiveness brings.
I hope you’ll accept her invitation. It will require time, courage and perseverance but you are worth what it takes. You see, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves when we offer it to others. In doing so, we don’t forgive so we can forget. We forgive, as we have been forgiven, so we can be set free from our past and live with confident hope in our future.
I’m giving away 2 copies of Suzie’s book – The Unburdened Heart: Finding the Freedom of Forgiveness. This your invitation to discover the freedom of forgiveness. Enter to receive a copy by clicking “Share Your Thoughts” to share your thoughts or simply let us know why you’d like to win a copy of Suzie’s book. {If you are reading this via email, click here to enter to win.}
Wow, this is exactly what I need! Renee it would appear that our stories are very similar. I embrace the hurts that God brings to the fore front and it takes a long time in this healing journey. God is still helping me through this, I take one step forward and two back it would seem.
Thank you for this opportunity, sounds like God wants healing for us all!
I would love to have a copy of the book. From growing up with an overly strict father, to marrying and then divorcing an abusive husband, my heart has taken a beating. I want to be a forgiver. I don’t want to be bitter and unforgiving because it only eats at my spirit. I want to get beyond my circumstances and live knowing that Jesus loves me for me.
I’ve been reading your daily post and Please I would love to receive your book for my daughter because My daughter is going thur a difficult time with her ex-husband and needs help in forgiving and help with her children knowing that the LORD is in control of her circumstances, Letting go of bitterness and learning how to trust God in all things, she would benifet from your book tremendously, Please find it in your heart to help her, “AnUnBurdened Heart, Finding Freedom in Forgiveness.
Thank You In Christ,
Dot
I would love the opportunity to read this. It seems like it would be a great tool in getting past some big stumbling books in my life.
Goodness….. I kind of felt like I was reading about myself! WOW!
I KNOW I need this. As life’s trauma unfolds on each of us, Satan can bring a weight so crippling upon our thoughts and hearts. I have struggled through a variety of issues listed in these comments above. My body is in constant pain due to the sins I find hard to let go of, thinking I ‘deserve’ the consequences. I have accepted Jesus, I know God loves me and I need to stop taking back the baggage I leave at the cross. Thank you all for your ministry, it means so much to know I am not alone as I walk toward God. Blessings.
I would really like this book. My husband had an affair and forgiveness is truly hard at this point.
It would be wonderful to release all the LIFE-BUILD UP in my life, from molestation to physical/mental abuse. Gods blessings to you ladies.! 🙂
I find myself trying to help others while working through my own STUFF. Maybe if I understood how God got me here…I can help others find their way out of their STUFF as well. Unforgivness is a HUGE problem today. It is truly Satans bait to trap our lives, keeping us from Gods plan.
I have signed up for the study but can’t afford the book right now. Would love to win a copy. I definitely struggle with forgiveness with my step daughter who has continually caused problems between by husband and myself for 12 years!! She is now 18 and still up to the same old games!
How timely and appropriate this e-mail was and the publication of this book which I really need!
I have been struggling with forgiveness in relationship with my daughter and her new husband along with other family relationship in which I feel abused and neglected. I say I forgive but the thoughts resurface. How do I bannish them?
I could use this book. Just overwhelmed. Thank you.
This book may be exactly what I’ve been looking for!…I have been struggling with forgiveness in my recent divorce. Forgiving the husband who betrayed me and forgiving my self; did I do enough to try to save the marriage, did I trust the Lord enough, did I expect to much.
So many feelings and trying to get my heart and my head on the same page.
If the book help’s one person or changes one moment for someone then it will be worth the time Suzie spent writing it and we take to read it.
Thanks to both of you for speaking to us in terms we can relate to.
Nancy
I have the same exact story as you do Renee…I found that out as my husband and I were going through your book about confidence in God…
I had to change the female words around so he didn’t feel left out. But I’ve been so mean to my husband and we haven’t even been married a year yet! That’s what scares me. Then I read what you wrote about this book and was shocked to realize that the abuse from my father towards my mom, my sisters and brother and me was impacting my married life very negatively. Even worse I still have to deal with the Abuse because my husband and I live with my parents and NOT out of choice. We can’t afford to be on our own and my dad still emotionally abuses us all. So both the past and the present affects me and the way I treat others! I keep saying I forgive and bless my dad and pray for him all the time. But recently I’ve been having nightmares about him physicAlly abusing me. I want to love and forgive and I try so hard to receive Gods love but it doesn’t seem to work. When I read my email today I knew that this book is Gods will for me and so many others.
Robin try Darlene Quinn Blog Emerging from Broken she is also on FB I think some of that will help you I am understanding some of my feelings through reading her post and blog. The abuser most always turns the guilt to the victim
Forgiveness is my One Word for this year. I went through a divorce last year. My ex was having an affair and has never expressed any regret or remorse. That has caused me much anger after the fact. I need to forgive him for walking out on our family. Not for him, but for me. The bitterness is consuming. My kids are dealing with their own issues of forgiving their dad, but I can’t help them when I’m holding on to so much resentment. We are struggling financially but he does only what he absolutely has to for the kids. They see him shopping and spending on his girlfriend and don’t understand because he never did that with us. He doesn’t spend any extra time with them even though he lives 10 mins away. I can’t tell them how to forgive the continual slights and hurts they are going through. I can’t see how I will move on in a positive way until I can forgive.
KJ please email me at [email protected]. My name is Robyn and I want to speak to you in private if possible.
Love this new book, its all so me. To know others have gone through same and share it.helps,gotta have book.
I am probably the only man to comment on this, but I love my wife enough to do this for her. My wife has been dealing with a lot of issues her whole life. She lost her sister a couple of years ago. Her sister was only 37 or 38 and she took her life. It was just after thid that her Mother’s health started to get worst. Her mother then had a sever stroke and has lost the use of her right side. She has never really had what you would call a close relationship with her mom, and now it is even more difficult. My wife is dealing with depression and anxiety and does not like to leave the house. We are both christians and I know that GOD can help her if she would seek HIM out. I think this book could help her to see that she is not alone and encourage her is seek the LORD.
This sounds like an amazing resource. Think how much better the world would be if we could all practice forgiveness. Would love to win this.
What timing! I am currently struggling to cope with my horrible childhood and trying to forgive my parents for allowing it to happen. My husband walked out on our family about 9 years ago and I am still trying to deal with that. I would love to read Suzie’s book and hopefully begin to enjoy the freedom that true forgiveness has to offer.
I would love a copy of this book, from all these comments we all deal with forgiveness of others or ourselves at some time in our lives.
I recently became divorced not by choice. However, through a similar childhood like Renee’s, I believe that I pushed my husband to the point of giving up on me and believing I could never change. Through the last year, I have learned to let go of my past and forgive but the hurt of being rejected by my husband is something that I am still holding onto. I think this book could be a great help for me at this point in my life. Thank you for all you do at Proverb 31 Ministries. God Bless you all!!
Would so love to read Suzie’s book. Had the opportunity to hear Suzie speak at a women’s conference in Winston Salem NC on Saturday 3/2/13. I felt like my cup had runneth over when I left the conference. I know without a doubt that i can do all things through Christ including having forgiveness.
I’m living in the land of unforgivingness and I’m tired. My world starting spinning out of control because of a business adventure my husband had with my best friend and it went terribly wrong. I’m still angry at my husband for losing my friend, along with another who had an involvement. I want to forgive and move on but I’m stuck!
~Tammy
Thank you Rene and Suzie for being so honest about your pain from the past. I continue to struggle in forgiving myself and others for what I felt I that I did not deserve. It’s a long journey and sometimes I don’t know whether I will make it or not but God keeps nudging me along with awesome Christians such as all of you in Proverbs 31 ministries. Many Blessings to all!!
I really enjoyed and learned a lot from A Confident Heart. I can’t wait to read your new book!
I would love to have this book to share with a friend of mine. She is working on forgiving her husband who has walked out on her and is living with another woman. She is really hurting right now, but she knows how important it is to forgive him. I am hoping maybe this book could help.
I have found that forgiving God is something we over look – God understands when we want to blame God for the heartache in our lives caused by failed relationship either by choice or by death – then to forgive one’s self – I belive I am to love others as I love myself – I am to forgive myself before I can forgive others in my heart – thanks – Gary
I’ve always felt that maybe I’m holding on to some unforgiveness, but I’m not sure what it is.
I’ve said I’ve forgiven people from childhood but still feel something is not settled.
Would love to know whats holding me back. I think this book might be able to help me.
I have been married to my husband for 25 years! I can’t believe I have come across this message because my dad hurt me very much when I was 17. I was a daddy’s girl and when I found out he cheated on my mom I was devastated to no end. I have gone along the road of trying to forgive and I have been down some pretty ugly roads while my husband has had to endure all of it. My life is exactly how Renee wrote about hers. My husband deployed twice and I have tried the forgiveness journey but I’m not quite there yet! After years and years of prayers from my husband and my sisters, I have to say our marriage is much better! I still have not really forgiven my dad and I would love to see how Suzie can help me. I would love to pass this book on to my sisters also. Thank you so much for this Renee.
I would love to recive this book. Right now, along with my 3 sisters in Christ, I am on a journey of healing. We are reading “Confident Heart” together and it has articulated so well our feelings and needs for healing. I want to learn to forgive as I have been forgiven…and I long to show this act of love to others in my life, so they too can find freedom in Christ!
Thank you
God has been working in such amazing ways in my life and I think I’ve dealt with past hurts and forgiveness but then things come up that I realize I still have a problem with complete forgiveness. I would love to learn how to let it all completely go as God has done for me.
I would like the opportunity to win this book. I had a situation similar to this but it was with my mother and it was me who asked her for forgiveness. My mother abandoned us 4 kids when my youngest sister was 13 months old and I was 6 and the oldest. My father and grandmother raised us. I never heard from my mother againg until I was 19 and up until I was 40years old, only spoke to her 3 or 4 times. One Sunday our pastor spoke about forgiveness and it was then that I decided to look for my mother again and ask her for forgivenss for not being the daughter I should have been. The Bible tells us to honor our father and mother and I felt I was not honoring my mother by not having a relationship with her. We faded away from each other again. In 2008 I tried to find her again but could not. I had looked for her up until last month when I finally got facebook and found my half sisters and brother. I also found out my mother had died 10 years ago. Although it has been 10 years since she died, I am just now going though the mourning of loosing my mother. I am so glad I had the opportunity years ago to be forgiven by her before she died. Thank you
Renee today’s blog on forgiving and forgetting, I truly believe it was answer to my prayer because my boyfriend and I we are struggling because there were issues in my past with hurts.that is making my relationship hard. I’m in tears knowing God heard my prayer for help and I praise Him. Thank you so much for sharing this blog.
I’m just flat-out in a most painful place … I know my Lord doesn’t want this for me. I pray without ceasing, seeking … Nonetheless in what seems like endless, unreachable pain.
I would like to win a copy of the book. My grandson’s father was abusive to him and my daughter. He has changed his life, but still has times when his words and action aren’t still where they should be. He and my daughter are no longer together and my grandson won’t have anything to do with him.
I have trouble forgiving him. I know that God forgives and has forgiven me, but God commands us to forgive as he has forgiven us and I have to pray that God helps me through this. Sometimes its hard to forgive and forget. I need to be the example to my daughter and grandson.
Wow! I have been waiting and praying for this. After reading your wonderful preface to the book I felt like I was reading about myself. As a child/teen I experienced years of hurt, emotional abandonment and a severed family because of my father. Through the years I have swept this pain under the rug and learned to “exist” with it but have never properly healed. I have been married for 13 years and for the most part it has all been great however I have felt the same as you towards my husband and could never understand why until now – you gave me a new perspective and a possible answer for my disconnection. I want to heal properly from this hurt and am looking for assistance and resources. I believe this book could be the opening to the door that has been shut to my heart for many years and would appreciate the chance to give it a try.
Looking forward to reading this book!! browsed through some of the comments left here and so many, myself included have trouble forgiving. Especially to those who don’t think they did anything to hurt us…I struggle with forgiving and thinking that if we forgive we are letting the person “off the hook” …. but we are not…when we forgive we are acknowledging that God is in control and that what Satan has used, person, place or event, to destroy and hurt us, God uses to strengthen us! I have a lot of forgiveness left to give I am sure and as the hurts are revealed and brought to light, I pray that I continue to give them to God and allow him to show me more…to grow through forgiveness….making me who God intends me to be….
I have had a year of chaos and this post was just what i needed. Going through a divorce now and starting over again with 3 boys and creating a new life for myself. I would love a copy of this book to help me on this journey.
Earlier today, before I recieved the e-mail about the book, God had laid on my heart the importance of forgiveness and how I needed to forgive. Reading Renee’s post convicted me of another person I need to forgive.
Thank you for sharing the story today. I have been working on forgiveness and my marriage for 2 years now but don’t feel like I’m getting any where. I would love to read your book, to see if I can truly be freed from unforgiveness.
Would loveee to win this book
Oh Wow. It wasn’t until infidelity found its way into my marriage that I realized it was the same sense of trying to fix what had gone wrong in my childhood that left me unhappy in my marriage. I was bitter and mean and sadly, my husband walked away from us an into the waiting arms of another woman unhappy in her own marriage.
We are almost divorced now, after 3 years, and oh how I wish we could both read this book. I have to forgive my parents and my husband and his mistress and myself so I can move on and create a better legacy for my 4-year-old daughter.
I wish he could read it to learn that forgiving is not forgetting, because he holds close to him all the anger he’s built up against me the past 4 years.
Thank you to everyone who shares their stories and insights; to God be the glory!!
This is the next book I need to read. I am currently doing the OBS Let.It.Go. – what a great follow up this would be. I had a good childhood, but as a pre-teen I was sexually abused by my older brother. When I was an adult is when my parents found out and that caused a lot of anger and hurt in our family. Consequently my older brother was not a part of our family for about 22 years. Now there has been reconciliation due to our Dad fighting his 2nd bout of lung cancer. There is still a “strangeness” in some of our relationships and I struggle with different feelings daily with the past and current situation. My husband is cautious around my brother and that has caused stress in our marriage. I need help with the forgiveness so my marriage can become a stronger one and I stop expecting my husband to be what I missed for so many years.
I have some unforgiveness in my heart that I need to learn to let go of completely.
i would love to win a copy of this book, because I think that it would help me in forgiveness. I am asking God to help me in this area. I think that this would help me a lot in this area and do me a great a lot of good. Thank you, Kathy
I would love to read this book. I’m at the place right now that my 15 year hourney of digging is at a standstill and I need help getting to the bottom, I look forward to having help in finally forgiving and letting go of everything. I thank God for answering my prayers on how to get there. I know it is a journey.
Blessings,
Cindy
Forgiveness is a process but I know it is possible.
I would love to win a copy of this book, because I’m at that place. Due to betrayals in our marriage of 22 years–I’m having a hard time with this. I know to forgive I must forget. That’s what I’m having the hard time about! I’m asking God to soften my heart so I can truly forgive & forget! This would do me a lot of good! With almost 23 invested in my marriage, and 3 kids–I’m not giving up! Thanks Jan Robbins
I would like to win this book because I need to learn how to understand by X husband. Your story sounds like a mirror image to how he is acting, even though he has moved on and is living with her and her children. He is so full of anger and hate towards me. It makes it almost impossible to co-parent with him. I am at my wits end and I still have many years to go, please help!
Oh my gosh, I am living the same thing – he’s moved in with new woman and her children yet HE is angry all the time at ME!
I’m sorry you are experimenting this, because I truly know how difficult it is.
Thanks so much, Renee, for sharing your insights and informing us about this new book. It sounds like a book that relates to many of us. I personally want people to forgive me, but find it so difficult to forgive others. Sometimes, I want to feel like a victim and nurse my wounds, rather than find the healing of forgiveness. I would love to read this book and focus on the freedom of forgiveness.