It’s usually very subtle. Sometimes I’ll think about something I want to do or sense God calling me to, and I’ll just get that awful, insecure feeling. Out of the blue, uncertainty will wash over me as doubt whispers to my heart, You can’t do that. You’re not good enough.
Too many times I’ve gone along with the doubts, without realizing what I was doing I agreed with my insecurities.
For years, I didn’t tell anyone about my self-doubt. I figured if they knew all the reasons I doubted myself, they’d notice flaws I had worked hard to hide. And honestly, I thought I was the only one who struggled with doubt.
But I never called it doubt. Maybe you don’t either. Sometimes I called it worry — worry I was going to disappoint someone, worry I might make a mistake and get criticized for it, worry I’d start something but not be able to finish.
Other times I would call it fear — fear of not measuring up, fear of rejection, fear of looking prideful by thinking I could do something special for God.
It makes my stomach turn to think about all countless times my feelings became paralyzed by fear or worry, but the source was often hidden in my own self-doubt.
There has been a pattern in my thinking that led to a pattern of my un-believing…