As you may have noticed, I’ve had to cut back on blogging. Honestly, I’ve had to cut back almost everything except sleeping, exercising, reading my Bible, praying and eating.
God is taking me through a season of Him restoring my heart, body and soul after being completely wiped out this Spring. It was an intense season of ongoing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual stress that took a toll on me more than I realized while it was happening. But when I stopped going in early May, it all hit me like an 18-wheeler.
While writing my book, God is allowing some hard life circumstances ( in addition to our adoption). He’s walking me through emotional valleys I thought I had traveled extensively years ago. He’s showing me wounds that still need healing. They’ve been surfacing for a while but I didn’t think I had time to deal with them this Spring. So they waited for me.
God got my attention through some health problems in April that clearly indicated I can’t avoid the pain anymore. It’s not been easy. It’s taken time I don’t feel like I have. Time for me to take care of myself when I want to be taking care of everyone else. Time that wears me out because it means crying and getting those awful headaches that come when you pour out your guts to God.
But it’s been worth what He is showing me as I process all of it with Him. I know wholeness and freedom are on the other side. I am asking Him to enter into those wounded places with me, and I’m praying the blood of Jesus over each hurt that surfaces through my tears and sadness.
I’ve been depending on Jesus and His word in fresh and life-giving ways these past few weeks. Reading and praying scriptures out loud has been an incredible source of peace and strength. Here are some verses I have been praying each morning while I run:
Search me, O God, and know my heart, test meand know my ways. See if there is any offensive (or anxious) way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting, guide me and lead me in Your truth. Psalm 139:23-24
Lord, remind me each day that I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer lives, but Christ lives in me. Infuse me with confident assurance as I write, live, breathe and move, reminding me that the life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loves me and gave Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20-21
Lord, help me not to throw away my confidence but to persevere so that when I have done Your will, I will receive what You have promised…freedom and a God-confidant heart! (Heb. 10:35-36) for I am not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those (in Christ) who believe and are saved. (vs. 39)
Jesus, thank you that what Satan intended to harm me, YOU intended for good, to accomplish what is (will be) done, the saving of many lives as women put their hope and find their confidence in You. Gen 50:20
Encourage my heart again and again to be strong and courageous and do the work. Help me to never give up, be afraid or get discouraged (by the size of this task) for you Lord, my God, are with me. You will not fail me or forsake me. You will stay with meand make sure everything is done until this (book) is completed. 1 Chron. 28:20
This week starts off with two solid writing days Tuesday & Wednesday, and then my mom is having knee replacement surgery Thursday. On Friday our family of 5 is going to West Virginia for the weekend where JJ/Joshua are running a marathon/half marathon. They have been training for months and it will be a special weekend. I hate being gone while mom is in the hospital, but my brother is coming so I know she’ll be taken care of. Maybe God knew it would be best for me to be gone since it would be very hard for me to see her in so much pain. I have been told the first few days are grueling. We’d treasure your prayers for her pain and recovery.
Well, that is all for now. I will try to keep updating my blog once a week until I complete my manuscript, which is due July 16. As only He can, God is making a way for it to be written, although at times there seemed to be no way it could done.
I would love to know how you are doing these days and how I can pray for you, too. Every time I read your comments from blog posts for my book, and think of your friendship and encouragement, I can’t thank God enough for bringing you along for this part of the journey!
PS. I would love to stay connected on a daily basis through Facebook. I post updates and verses on my Facebook page everyday since it’s quick and easy, and would love to read yours. Just click on my Facebook photo in my sidebar and let’s become FB “friends”, too.