(Matthew 6:34, The Message)
- A little girl in Africa who is waiting for her forever family.
- Trying to remember what stage a 10 month old baby is at and what she might need when she gets home.
- Searching online for a suggested list of baby items for said stage that I have no memory of so I won’t feel so um, unprepared.
- Registering for said items so friends can find an answer when they ask what I need and I look clueless.
There have also been many times recently when I’ve wondered what I should do that day or the next day, or a few days down the road. So many days I’ve questioned how I could get it all done in time or at the same time…
- A gazillion details like shots, airline tickets, school work, pet care, house sitting, work deadlines, job tasks delegated, etc, that need to be taken care of before we travel to Ethiopia to get Aster.
- Several dates on our fall calendar that needed major changes and decisions about canceling some big commitments we had made.
- Getting all the details in place for carpools and meals and kids while JJ and I travel to the D6 conference in Dallas for a couple days this week.
And I’ve had lots of opportunities to depend on God to help me deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes like …
- Getting food poisoning last Sunday night and then getting 5 immunizations Monday afternoon.
- Feeling nauseas almost all week and wondering if it wasn’t food poisoning after all but possibly I was pregnant. (Yes, two friends suggest such a thing!)
- Preparing to speak in front of 1500 pastors, youth leaders and parents with best-selling authors like Angela Thomas, George Barna, Jim Daly, John Trent and more, and wondering what God was thinking when He gave me this assignment.
- Wondering why God timed the D6 conference during the week He knew we’d be making final preparations to go to Ethiopia.
When Melissa sent that verse, she included a sweet note telling me that “in the midst of our “Aster” celebration and new book blessings, she knows I may be a little anxious about how this is all going to work out. Aster. Speaking. Writing. Working. Life.”
A little anxious? How about a lot anxious. There were days I had chest pains from all of it. I have to admit it was way too much for me to handle all at once. And in the midst of it all, Kim was hospitalized and died so quickly.
But before it got to that point, I had been crying out for God’s help. And this verse was God’s reply. “Renee, give your entire attention to what I am doing right now.”
Each day I have learned to look in front of me for His “right now” and walk in it. I have not been able to get ahead of myself or ahead of my current circumstances because many times the answers weren’t there yet. Now that was hard for me because I don’t like it when life is so unpredictable but it was good for me, too.
I have learned to depend on God moment-by-monent in a way I don’t think I ever have before. I have come to trust His unseen hand in unknown places. I have had to accept that I am in a season of many unknowns and that is exactly what God has planned.
In the midst of it all, I have found the courage to make hard choices that my heart didn’t want to make. And I have discovered that confidence comes not in the absence of fear but in the face of it, when I walk towards what I am afraid of knowing God is waiting for me on the other side.