It’s Spring Break! So far we’ve been on a stay-cation, along with almost everyone we know.
I love being home. And I love, love, love being with my family. But I had to confess to God this morning that I was struggling a little with the timing of our Spring break.
It’s because I finally had a big break-through in my writing and got into a new, very prayed-for groove with my chapter descriptions for my book proposal. The words were finally flowing. I was such a happy girl!
And then I had to stop.
It’s so hard because I don’t know if I can get back into the groove next week. And this is the same place I was in earlier last week, talking to God about the progress I wasn‘t making on the book I thought He wanted me to write.
I’d been sick the week before. I’d been traveling the weekend before, and I had a sick child who needed my love and attention. I didn’t have time to write, but lots of time to think about what I should be writing. That’s when all my ideas tangled up into big knot in my brain making me confused and unclear about any of them.
So I told God, “Writing this book is beyond my current life capacity. I’ll do this when I’m 50 and my kids are grown, but I can’t do this now.”
And then I said it again and again. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”
Strangely, it felt good. Like God knew I needed to say it over and over. The frustration and overwhelming feelings of not being able to do it started melting away.
I sensed God agreeing with me – I can’t do this. Not me, myself and I. This book (and so many other things I do) is way beyond me. I can’t do it – but leaning on Christ in me – I can.
I remember God giving me a picture of what completely depending on Him looks like during our ski trip last year.
JJ and Andrew had skied beginner slopes all day while Joshua and I skied the intermediate slopes. That afternoon JJ decided to come ski with us but he didn’t realize there wasn’t an in-between level from where they had been to where we were. And there was no way off the slope except down!
Andrew kept falling again and again. He was so frustrated and tired. He couldn’t! And he wouldn’t! So, I decided I would “ski” him down the mountain.
I had Andrew stand in front of me with his skis between mine and wrapped his arms around my elbows. I told him to stay centered and lean on me. All I had to do was hold his weight and steer us down.
It was insane! I had no idea how much his weight and my lack of control would make us go faster down the steepest slope I ever skied! Honestly, we almost died several times. You should’ve heard me screaming “JESUS help us.” And HE did!
He answered, ” Mom, you did all the work. I just had to lean on you.”
I couldn’t help but see the parallel between Andrew’s dependence on me and my dependence on God.
I saw it then and I see it now. God has given me something, actually many things ,I can’t do on my own. I have to completely depend on Him and lean on Him. It was true last week and it’s true this week. And it will be true next week.
God wants us to depend on Him. He is there to carry us. To lead us. He does the work in our lives when we stay centered in Him, lean on His understanding and let Him carry our weight.
He makes our paths straight as we depend on Him to guide us along the steps and the path He has established for us – the steep, the dangerous, the adventurous, the beautiful and the impossible.