You’re Not Alone

Being a mom is too important and too hard to go it alone. Isolation is dangerous. It’s where the enemy whispers, “You are the only one who thinks that way. You are the only one who feels like the way you do. You are the only one who acts like that.” Then he tries to convince us we will never change or guilts us into trying to be super-mom, super-wife, super-woman, super-servant – but all we become is super-tired!

When we fall short, we beat ourselves up. We hide our failure and flaws and work a little harder to do it a little better tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but it wears me out!

Even men are realizing it’s just not realistic! Today I want to introduce you to some Godly leaders who care about us moms. This video offers encouraging words from the D6 Conference.

We want to pass our faith to our children, but when we get to the end of our day most of us are out of time and energy. We need help. We need simple and practical steps towards becoming a D6 mom. But even Godly goals can lead to more tiredness. We’ve got to take care of our hearts first.

Last year, while speaking at a women’s conference, three women came up to me individually and secretly confessed that they were ready to walk out on their families. All of them were believers. And all of them had the same feeling – NUMB.

They were exhausted. Two of them said they didn’t feel anything anymore. They thought they could leave their kids and husbands and have no regrets. But as they listened to my messages, God spoke to their hearts, helping them realize they were not alone. And the Holy Spirit nudged each one to tell me. Isolation was losing its power.

I prayed and held each woman’s hands in that sacred place of confession and healing. Tears began to flow and hearts began to soften. I knew God wanted me to tell them to take care of their hearts, because our heart is central to who we are. Their hearts were shutting down and these women were scared. Deep in their souls they knew being numb wasn’t good and that walking out would hurt someone – even if they thought it wasn’t them. So, I encouraged them to:

  • Be still for even just 10 minutes a day, to write down thoughts and struggles, to find promises to pray in His Word and carry in their hearts.
  • Talk to God and a trusted friend about things to cut back, to make room in their hearts for those who were slipping away – their families and even God.

You and I could get to that point if we are not careful. I don’t want that to happen. Next week we’re going to talk about practical ways to start living out D6 principles from Deuteronomy 6:5-9. But first I want us to promise we will focus on our relationship with Jesus. Ask Him to show you how you can take better care of your heart, because He wants that, and after all, that’s where being a D6 mom starts.

Deuteronomy 6:4, “Listen, O _____________(your name). The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength… (Then teach them to your children….)

Copyright 2009. Renee Swope – All rights reserved.

 

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Today’s Mom Give-Away
It’s Friday, so we’re giving away two tickets to the D6 Conference, and a D6 mom T-shirt. If you can’t make it to the conference, we’ll substitute tickets with a book from one of the conference speakers. Winners will be drawn from today’s comments and announced on Saturday. Be sure to include your email address with your comment so we can contact you if you win the give-away.
Don’t forget, our month of encouragement for moms continues next week with great give-aways each day. So be sure to come back for more encouragement and resources from D6 and Proverbs 31 Ministries! If you’d like an email reminder each time I post, sign up for Bloglines in my sidebar.
About Renee

Renee Swope is a Word-lover, story-teller, heart-encourager and grace-needer. She's also a wife, mom, friend, daughter and author of A Confident Heart, a Retailers Choice Award winning book that became a best-seller and has been published in six languages, with over 150,000 copies sold. Renee is speaks around the country at women's events and and serves on the writing team for DaySpring’s inCourage blog. For twenty years, Renee served in leadership at Proverbs 31 Ministries and as former co-host of the ministry's radio program, “Everyday Life with Lysa & Renee.

Comments

  1. Wow, Renee, another piece of very powerful video. Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone!!!

    As a mother of 4 children (ages 5,4,2, and
    9 months) I can relate to feeling exhausted and tired and worn out, not just physically but more so mentally. I yearn to spend quiet time with the Lord and want so much to have time for in-depth Bible study. Most days this is only possible if I squeeze it in at the end of a very busy day, after everything else is done, maybe around 10pm. Thank you for reminding me that I can teach my children best when my own spiritual cup is full!

    I shared the last piece of video with my husband and it really spoke to him and I know that this will also be good to share with him. I know he understands that a mother’s job is hard but I think this will also be convicting video for him and will remind him of the type of support I need as a mother and wife. Thank you for sharing this with us and I look forward to the rest of the month!!!

  2. shopannies says:

    I just want you to know that this touched my heart. I am a mother of 6 children and while I am not the super mother i love being a mother. I have felt though that I needed to get into other things in life and not spend so much time with my children. I want you to know that this blog and devotion this morning has helped me to see that it is my responsibilty to my children that matter in life and if I continue in the path I am traveling then yes they will perhaps become the people that my God wishes them to be. I thank God that he gave me this responsibility to take care of my children and raise him up in a pattern that he set

  3. Anonymous says:

    Good morning.
    I can identify with those women who felt “numb”. There seem to be more and more days where I would think that I could leave and not feel much of anything. You are right…I am one of those who is weary. I have gotten counsel from someone who says I need to change the way I think. I broke down and cried because even though I know it is true, I feel so weary…so tired. It seemed like too much energy to do anything. So I get it. I understand the “war-weary” mom’s. I have my theories on why we are war-weary…but it is good to know that there are some men who are beginning to show an interest.

    Relationship? It seems my only relationships have either been unhealthy or with my own family…and have “sucked me dry”. After a while you want to isolate because you don’t want anyone else to ask you to do anything, you’re “all out”.

    Rest? Even when I try to rest, I can’t seem to stop my mind from racing through thoughts…all my kid’s problems, people I know sick and dying, others with emotional struggles (like me), and the world itself in tumult. It’s hard to find rest…I think I’ve forgotten what rest feels like.

    Yes, we do need help, do-able goals and practical steps…but most of all I need to know (not just with my head) in a tangible way that God is with me…that He is my strength. I need to know that He will bring healthy people into my life to help encourage me. I need to know His love in a way that I have never known…in a way that roots the fear from me and teaches me how to abide in His perfect love. (That sounds like only a dream to me right now.

    I don’t want to feel NUMB any more…it scares me that I could feel that way about my family. I don’t want to feel like my only hope is escaping.

    May the LORD deliver us!

  4. Pamela (His maidservant) says:

    Nurturing in faith-with a house ful of teenagers and a life that has hadits fair share of mistakes, I am feeling like a failure in this. Yet this is my priority..these girls on ours. I so want them to value and cherish God. I am discouraged at this moment in this.

    In His Graces~Pamela
    in.his.grace@live.com

  5. gunningfam05 says:

    I was at that conference.

    God used you that weekend to really speak to my heart about what was going on here at our home with our special needs son.
    But also helped me through a rough period that I was going through.

    I have gone through a few seasons of depression over the last 10 mths.. times when I don’t care/don’t want to do this anymore.
    The last time I went through this.. 2 very special ladies took the time to pray me out of this pit of depression.
    Do you know.. I felt such a burden lift from me… and the enemy was defeated.
    But when I am not in the pit.. being a wife/mom is all I want to be… can’t imagine doing anything else.
    I want to be the wife and mom that God wants me to be with His help.

    Chrissy Gunning
    cgunning94504@adelphia.net

  6. Joanie Butler says:

    Oh my sweet sister ~ When God gets through and comes alive in your fingers to stike the keys, He knows what needs to be said! Today’s post nailed it for me! I have been so tired. Emotionally and physically. Praise His name that he has made the way for me to no longer work at a job outside of the home so that I can concentrate on my first priority.

    As I prayed this morning my God blessed me with the revelation that I have been trying to do it all in my own strength. A bad habit and ingrained defense mechanism that I have been battling for years. Today I have once again surrendered all to Him. I praise His name that He doesn’t give up on me when I forget to give it all to Him!

    Keep up the great work for the Kingdom sister!

  7. Anonymous says:
  8. Wow, Renee, another piece of very powerful video. Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone!!!

    As a mother of 4 children (ages 5,4,2, and
    9 months) I can relate to feeling exhausted and tired and worn out, not just physically but more so mentally. I yearn to spend quiet time with the Lord and want so much to have time for in-depth Bible study. Most days this is only possible if I squeeze it in at the end of a very busy day, after everything else is done, maybe around 10pm. Thank you for reminding me that I can teach my children best when my own spiritual cup is full!

    I shared the last piece of video with my husband and it really spoke to him and I know that this will also be good to share with him. I know he understands that a mother’s job is hard but I think this will also be convicting video for him and will remind him of the type of support I need as a mother and wife. Thank you for sharing this with us and I look forward to the rest of the month!!!

  9. WOW!!!! Again, I sat at my computer, crying while I read your post today and watched the video!! I have a tendency to get so busy with homeschooling my kids, running my home, etc., that time with my savior gets shoved farther and farther down the line…..it’s those times that the “numb” feeling creeps in, and I feel as though I can’t go on. Thank you for reminding us that mothering does come from the heart, and our hearts need to be in the right place, the loving hands of our heavenly Father, to mother effectively and pass on spiritual truths to our children.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Good morning…wow….the D6 clips hit it on the head as moms we are “tired, busy, overwhelmed, stressed out, have no private time”. So true.

    I look forward to reading this blog and learning ways to share my faith with my kids as I must admit I am very remiss in this area. We attend church regularly etc but I have never been one who is good at ‘talking’ my faith. I am good doing my private bible study etc.. but not good at sharing. Hoping to learn how to be better at that as I know my kids need it

    Kim
    chinarnrmom@comcast.net

  11. Wow! I am amazed at how this video answered some of the questions I posted after the first video. I really heard your post that I am the only one that feels like that. It made me feel good to read other mom’s posts that they feel like the Spiritual Leader of their house. It really validated me when these men said that so often moms are the Spiritual Leader of their house.

    Please enter me into the conference ticket give-a-way. Are we able to choose which city?

    Wendi
    wendio@suddenlink.net

  12. Renee Swope says:

    Sweet Pamela, I am praying for you in this moment. You are a wonderful woman who loves the Lord with all your heart. It is so obvious in everything you write on your blog.

    I’ve had my fair share of mistakes, too. But God has encouraged and even challenged me to land in a place of grace and not guilt. He reminds me again and again that, “There is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus.” He died to set us free from our guilt and regret so that we could walk with Him, face to face with our loving, merciful, grace-giving God.

    When I beat myself up for choices and words I cannot erase, He reminds me that each day is new. His mercies are new. I am being made new, being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing Glory. This is true for us as His daughters.

    Father, I pray your peace over each of us today. Wash us with Your Words. Lord, even if it’s just one verse to remind us of your love, ‘that we are precious and honored in your sight’. And Lord, we ask that you would heal the broken places in our lives. Help us ask for forgiveness from those we’ve hurt of pushed way. And help us to receive your forgiveness most of all. Help us to guard our thoughts carefully and measure our words wisely for out of the overflow of our hearts, our mouths speak. Help us to store up good things – like your Word – in our hearts so that those become the overflow.

    Father, today we pray that you would remind us that we are in this together as moms but also together with YOU. We’re not alone because you promised to always be with us. I am looking forward to this day with YOU!

    I pray the same is true for my sweet friends and sisters in Christ.

    In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I too feel numb at times during my busy days! It is good to know that other moms also feel this way. I know I need to take time out for me and for God but that is easier said than done most days. Please keep praying for moms everywhere that will make time to take care of ourselves!
    ~Jessica
    mariposa5280@yahoo.com

  14. Anonymous says:

    One word is what puts more pressure on me than anything…. PERFECTION! I have always felt that I had to do it all perfect, my home, marraige, my kids,and that when they were not perfect it was a direct reflection on me. This alone can wear a woman out, much less all the added responsibilities of serving at church,in the community, and our extended families. Now that my girls are older I see that I have instilled that in them as well and it saddens me to see the stress that they are under because of that with school, their looks, friends, etc. All of this would be so much easier if we would just seek God and HIS PERFECT will for our life. Thank goodness we don’t have to be perfect but we are forgiven. Our children are our main priority and the benefits we see when they start fostering their own relationship with God because of their own desires and not ours is truly amazing. I sit back and say, YES! I did do something right, maybe not perfect, but right. All because God provides new mercy every single day.
    I am very impressed with D6.
    Blessings,
    Margaret

  15. That is how I’m feeling too.

  16. Stephenie says:

    Thank you for sharing! I spent my early mothering years feeling numb, and scared of the way I was feeling. Praise God, he delivered me. To those of you struggling in this very moment, hang on and seek Him with all you have! He is faithful and he does not speak in condemnation.

  17. I also have a heart for young moms–I remember, at times, feeling so lonely and just plain tired out.

    Thanks for doing what you do. God Bless.

  18. When my son was much younger I read two great books (I probably read more, but these to stand out right now in my mind.) One was called, "Mom, You're Incredible" (Linda Weber) and the other was "No More Lone-Ranger Mom" (Donna Partow). One encouraged me to keep going and the other encouraged me to make connections, that I didn't have to take the mom-journey by myself. Both helped me see that I was 'normal'.

    Finding balance is important. We actually have a Ladies Day at our church the end of this month and the speaker who is coming is speaking on Finding Balance in our lives as women between children, husbands, work, friends, ministry etc… Putting God first, He will help us order our days and do all that He desires.

    Such an encouraging word again today Renee. Hope Andrew's party goes well this weekend. Enjoy!

    Love & prayers,
    Joy

  19. Motherhood is an intense job, full of demands, worries, unpredictable situations and issues that we can’t control. Thank goodness we have our Lord to depend upon and put our hope and trust in. This job is too big to handle without Him. Thank you for reminding us to renew our heart through God in prayer and to prioritize Bible study. If we moms can’t or don’t make it a priority to care for ourselves(and our hearts!!), how can we effectively care for our families?? This is a reminder I need on a daily basis.

    Cathy Dickey
    catharinedd@netscape.net

  20. I love the video. Thanks for sharing. I am everything that video said as I know I’m not alone. I take care of it all. From the finances to the spiritual leading. My husband and I didn’t grow up knowing Christ. I have chose to seek him and he hasn’t chose that. It makes it very hard. I don’t want my 9 year old to suffer the way that I feel that my 18 year old has, in the sense of not knowing Jesus all their lives. It makes it very difficult for me to know if what I am doing is enough. I didn’t have it growing up so I never had an example. Circumstances in my family just didn’t allow for that to take place. I want so desperately to make sure and break the cycle and I get so overwhelmed. I can agree with some of what anonymous feels. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for these words you post daily. They are such an encouragement.

  21. Thank you so much. This week of encouragement has already lifted my heart so much. I can’t wait for more.

    amseagroves@gmail.com

  22. Anonymous says:

    Thank you. This is timely. With kids 10 and 13 life is busy and so much more is outside my house and influence. I need to ground myself daily so I can impart to my kids spiritual things.
    Darla

  23. RefreshMom says:

    I’d never thought of the danger of isolation in such concrete terms, but you’re so right. We moved here two years ago and even though we’ve got a new church community and I’ve been intentional about trying to find fellowship through Bible study groups and such, I’ve found that I feel out of sync here. So even though I’m not alone, there is a sense of isolation that I didn’t have before.

    It’s funny that blogging has helped fill that void some. I have found blogs of like-minded people and some of them drop by mine as well. Blogging also helps me be more intentional with seeing God in my daily life and finding ways to bring that awareness to my kids. I’m enjoying this series of posts.

  24. I can so totally relate to that numb feeling. For so long, I preferred the numbness to the pain of feeling like a failure. I am learning that pain has a purpose, to encourage me to make the changes necessary to relieve the feeling, rather than just self-medicate it away with food, computer, tv, etc.

  25. elaine @ peace for the journey says:

    God’s words via your pen are a balm to my weary soul. Thanks.

    peace~elaine

  26. MrsProverbs31 says:

    Renee, thank you. You have fan the flame of my heart to be a better mom to my children. I have to confess that I didn’t enjoy being a mother as much. However, the Lord has been gracious in showing me how important it is to being a mom. And since then, I have learned to value my role as a mom. So, that is a plus for me and my children. No, it has not become easier for me. In fact, it has been harder now that I know I have failed as a mother and need desperately to improve.

    Thank God, I know early enough that I can change.

    Thank you for inspiring me to live a better life for my children.

  27. Thank you! Your post is a huge blessing. I am a mom to 2 young boys, and I can feel the same – frustrated, worn out, and wondering why I am the only one who can’t get it together. And I always am at my worst when I haven’t made time for my time with God. Thanks for the reminder, Megan
    megan.nussbaum@gmail.com

  28. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for talking about such a taboo subject. I have felt numb so many times. Being a mom takes so much out of you and you really get nothing back. I have questioned my love for my more difficult child at times because I just can’t feel anything a lot of the time.I ‘m only just getting out the failure frame of mind and realizing that I can be a good mom and that I’m not a horrible person for feeling this way. Thank you for showing that we’re not alone.

    donyse@comcast,net

  29. thank you so much for your encouragement and being obedient to what God has called you to do. blessins, julia
    blackford.julia@gmail.com

  30. I look forward to go this journey on your blog to become a D6 mum.
    God’s timing is so good i was struggling in feeling so insecure while guiding my kids……lately and is like this is what i need….

    Blessings
    Bernice
    ( jaden4982001@gmail.com)

  31. Thank you for your encouraging words and for being a vessel used by God. Your words bring so much peace.
    Kim
    kimwhite62@gmail.com

  32. That is how I’m feeling too.

  33. Anonymous says:

    While reading your blog today, I remembered a couple of years ago when my very dear friend called me sobbing in the middle of an open field with a gun in her hand. She said that she wanted to leave it all. She had been trying to live the “super mom” life and it was too much to bear. Thank God, she did not hurt herself that day and has reclaimed her faith! Today I pray for all those moms that have taken care of everyone around them, but have forgotten to care of their hearts and their own relationship with the Lord – which even speaks to me. Thank you for the reminder.

    lj75189@yahoo.com

  34. momagain67 says:

    Renee, Thank you for lifting up and encouraging all of us who have been blessed to carry the job title “MOM”. It is a challenging title to say the least, and it helps a lot to read your posts and the following comments just to know that we are not alone on our journey! It is also good to be reminded often that we should not even try to go it alone. Why am I always so surprised to find that trials are resolved easiest once I have come to the end of my own self and have to rely on His strength? May I learn to start my day by handing everything over to Him before I get my messy hands on it, instead of after I’ve already blown it!

  35. Anonymous says:

    I left a comment already, but I just checked the website about the D6 conference and felt overwhelmed with emotion. If I am chosen today, those 2 tickets would definitely be used. Thank you for the chance.

    lj75189@yahoo.com

  36. Anonymous says:

    I am not a mother but I know my mother in law can relate to this article. She has opened up to me a few times about all the stress and drama and hardships in taking care of all of us. Earlier last year in her household was 7 of us. Now there is only 5 sometimes 6 when her middle child stays the night. She is a baby christian. Just got baptized 8/28/08 and we are so happy she made the decision to live for God. She is an awesome women before God and definitely more awesome with God. My husband and I are having a hard time financially and have been staying with his mom for over a year. We try to help by buying things for the house and cleaning the kitchen, etc. My mother-in-law’s youngest son has life threatening seizures every now and then. He is 15 and my mother in law is 52 so you can imagine how much energy it takes to keep up with her youngest child. He is a handful personality wise and healthwise. I think this workshop would be very encouraging for her. Maybe her and my could go.

  37. Anonymous says:

    I forgot to enter in the email address so my mother in law has a chance to win the two tickets. My story was about how my mother in law has a household of 5-6 people and her youngest child has seizures. Thank you.

    Her name: Debbie
    deb.deloach@gmail.com

  38. Thanks for this! I have been a stay at home mom for a year and a half. It has been challenging and there are times that I feel like a failure when I get frustrated. However, my Pastor preached a sermon New Years eve that let me know that God has heard me this past year and that I was the one far away from Him and not the other way around. I have been doing some “heart work” and it has proven to allow me to handle the struggles that present themselves on a daily basis with the Word of God! I am becoming a can do mom and want to continue so that I can raise can do kids that love the Lord!

    Astra
    astrassaved@aim.com

  39. I look forward to go this journey on your blog to become a D6 mum.
    God’s timing is so good i was struggling in feeling so insecure while guiding my kids……lately and is like this is what i need….

    Blessings
    Bernice
    ( jaden4982001@gmail.com)

  40. Anonymous says:

    Renee,

    I can relate to the isolation and tiredness that often fills me from trying to be a “good” wife and mother. Since both my sons began pre-school this year, I have started reading devotions and spending more time with God. I also started jogging. What a difference quiet time with God and a stress reliever like exercise can make. It is giving more energy, strength, and patience! Thanks for all you do. JD at jdav7@aol.com

  41. CamilleSLP says:

    Thank you for your honesty. Being a mom is HARD and Christian moms are not always allowed the chance to say “I don’t want to do this anymore!” – but are expected to hold it all together AND teach Sunday School, run VBS, help in the nursery……all with a big smile on our face. I think we all need to be “real”.
    jclancaster@sbcglobal.net

  42. Just wanted to say I enjoy your blog.
    Lisa Sims Stevens
    stev2908@bellsouth.net

  43. Renee,
    I'm so thankful you are doing this. So many times we think we are all alone in feeling inadequate. It's so hard for women to actually admit all of these feelings because we all want to look like super-mom. I'm really excited about where this is going for you and the women you touch through this ministry.
    Paula G.

  44. Wrinkled Shirt Ministries says:

    Renee,
    I'm so thankful you are doing this. So many times we think we are all alone in feeling inadequate. It's so hard for women to actually admit all of these feelings because we all want to look like super-mom. I'm really excited about where this is going for you and the women you touch through this ministry.
    Paula G. <><

  45. Anonymous says:

    Hello,
    I’m in need of prayer. I feel frustrated with my family but most of all myself. Everytime I feel like this an anxiety overwhelms me and when my children try me I explode and my mouth gets me in trouble. I say things that are hurtful to these little ones’ that are what I feel about myself and I and up asking for forgiveness to God and my kids that three days later I find myself doing it again. I love the Lord yet I’m a hypocrite for I let my emotions take over and end up not being Christ like. Please pray for me and my family. I can’t do it alone.

  46. Renee Swope says:

    Dear Anonymous,

    I am praying for you. You are right, you can’t do this alone. I understand your struggle and my heart breaks because I know you don’t want to tear your children apart with your words. We have probably all been there. I know I have earlier in my marriage when I was so critical of myself and it would spill out in critical tones and words towards my kids and my husband.

    I finally realized I couldn’t become a Godly mom until I really understood who I was as God’s child . I had to really pursue a deeper understanding of His love towards me. I had to choose to believe that He was not a critical parent who was disappointed in me as much as I was in myself. I had to believe that He loved me and saw beyond who I was to who I could become. And as I slowly took hold of those truths, my heart changes, and then my thoughts changed and then my words changed, and then our home changed.

    I would love to share more by sending you a copy of my message for moms on CD. Please email me your address at Renee@Proverbs31.org.

    Lord, I pray for this mom today and all the other moms who are in this same place of brokenness and desperation. Father, we want our love to be patient and kind and gentle – not demanding and critical and conditional. We need your love to invade our hearts and transform us from the inside out. We need you to give us your thoughts toward us so we can begin to think the way you do about ourselves and about our children.

    God, make us the moms you created us to be through the power of your Holy Spirit – our Wonderful Counselor. We surrender to the life of Christ in us to walk in grace and let you live your life through us today.

    In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

  47. Thank you for your prayer and your Godly words. I understand now that my FATHER in heaven is not critical and conditional. God put me in your blog the day I needed it the most and I love reading all the insight from other moms. God’s grace is so beautiful and may he bless all of you for your faithfulness.

  48. proverbs 31 really helps me alot everyday thank God for women who are not afraid to make a stand for Jesus Christ

  49. Michelle Zinn says:

    You hit the biggest factor right now in my walk with God when you said “We want to pass our faith to our children, but when we get to the end of our day most of us are out of time and energy.”

    I’ve now learned not to beat myself up with the fact that I’m not perfect and not even close to being perfect, so once I can accept this (although I very often strive to be pefect), I find it much easier to involve my children into praising and reading of the Lord – even doing small crafts that are focused on Jesus and His words at least keeps you in tune and on the right path, plus it’s way better than watching your kids get mad when they lose at a video game.

    It must be hard picking winners here because everyone’s comments are so real and true, and I’m very impressed by the thoughts that go into everyone’s comments, right from their heart!

  50. I am exhausted, tired, and discouraged. I am pregnant with our third child-HUGE surprise and I can’t seem to manage anything in my house. Laundry is piled up, kids out of control, money low, I am really at the end of my rope and have lost hope.

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