My 13-year old son, the one that was oh so thoughtful during my “time of the month” in September totally hurt my feelings today. And it’s been exactly one month since then so you can guess that I was quite hormonal and emotionally over reactive about it. I knew it was bound to happen and all of you who wanted to slap me because I bragged on my boys pampering me the day I had cramps can now laugh. And the rest of you with toddlers who are still snuggly and sweet can feel sorry for me because you can’t imagine your child ever dumping you for his friends. I will take your sympathy and you can still be my friends.
Today is the day my prince lost some of his charm! He completely blew me off and real tears actually dripped down my cheeks. Of course, I didn’t let anyone see them. It was just between me and God, and now you.
First of all, I know it’s not even normal for a mom to go eat lunch with her 13-year-old. But he’s been saying his friends’ moms bring them lunch and eat with them. He kept asking me all week if I was coming today. I was feeling all cool like he wanted his friends to meet me or something.
I got there and it was all good. He talked to me a little. I made small talk with some of his friends I’d never met. Twenty minutes later the lunch bell rang, he stood up and started walking away. “Are you just going to leave?” I asked. “Yea, I gotta go back to class.” he replied as he turned and walked to the trash cans with his friends. No good-bye, no thanks, no nothin! Then I thought, He’ll wait for me at the door.
But oh no, he didn’t. I couldn’t find him. I looked toward the bathrooms, against the walls. Then I looked waaay down the hall and there he was walking and talking. Not looking back. Not even aware that I was waiting for a glance, a wave, a good-bye. I just watched and wondered.
How could my sweet son be so rude? He didn’t even thank me for bringing him his favorite food to school and he didn’t even say good-bye. Doesn’t he know I went out of my way to take a shower, find an outfit, put on make-up, drive to Chick-fil-A and then come find him in a sea of middle-school faces? I could’ve stayed home in my sweats all day, not even taken a shower and gotten work done! Well, see if I bring him any chicken nuggets again!
At first, it almost ruined my day. I didn’t want to do anything when I got home, but feel sad and take a nap. I know it’s mostly hormones but when they hit you it feels so real and hurtful! Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit who nudged me to process my feelings and the facts with God.
My feelings told me that I was not
that important to my son anymore.
My feelings told me that I’d been rejected.
My feelings told me that he’s already moved on
even though he’s got 6 more years at home.
My feelings told me that I had been used
by someone I love.
So I had to ask, what are the facts to overpower these feelings? The facts are:
Despite his behavior today,
he is a thoughtful kid (most of the time).
Despite how much it hurts,
this is typical teenage behavior.
Despite how rude it was,
he was not rejecting me.
Despite how shocked I was,
one incident doesn’t define a person or a relationship.
Despite how much I didn’t want to tell him,
I needed to pray for the opportunity to talk with him about what happened.
And then I asked God to remind me of what is true.
God reminded me of
time Joshua and I had spent together this week while JJ and Andrew were out of town
God reminded me how
Joshua had run with me one evening this week when all he really wanted to do was stay home eat dinner and rest.
God reminded me how
considerate and giving Joshua was this week when a friend’s daughter that I am mentoring/tutoring needed some extra time and help.
By the time I had processed all of this, my hurt feelings were healing. I had forgiven him and I was able to live in the truth of God’s love and the truth of Joshua’s love – and pull from all the deposits we have in our relationship so that this one big withdraw wouldn’t knock me into “insufficient funds.”
Now I just need to take what I learned today and apply it in all my relationships when my hormones, emotions and other people threaten to steal my charm!