I walked along the winding road under a canopy of oak trees that lined the beautiful campus of Meredith College. It was my last semester of my senior year. I was experiencing a break in the clouds of depression that had overshadowed the past few years of my life. As I walked by each building or landmark of memories I thought about the people in my life that each place reminded me of.
I thought about the day my mom told me she wanted me to go to Meredith. It wasn’t a college we could afford. It would require many loans, scholarships and grants. My stepfather had told her that I would never go to there which made her even more determined. Her dream had been fulfilled. Her daughter was about to graduate from Meredith.
I thought about my boyfriend who I had dated all through high school and college. The summer of my junior year our dreams and plans of a future together crumbled under the pressure of me expecting him to be all that I needed, and him wanting his freedom to do what he wanted.
I looking at about the buildings and thought about the people inside. Professors, advisers and counselors who had tried to help me find my way. The pressure to study so I’d graduate with honors. I wanted so desperately to be thought of as someone with value. Someone worthy of mention. Yet the hurricane of my emotions had made it so hard for me to navigate through these unchartered waters.
I had recently given my heart to Christ and that day as I walked, I remember asking this question: Why was all of this never enough?
I don’t know if I directed the question to myself or to God, but in the quietness of my heart I know He answered, because a thought I had never had came rushing through my soul.
“Renee, all you have ever wanted, all you have ever looked for is unconditional love.”
“Yes, unconditional. Love you don’t have to earn. Love you never have to fear losing. Love that isn’t based on what you do or measured by what others are willing to do for you.
“There is such a thing?”
“Yes Renee, and you’ve been looking for that kind of love in everything you have done for the past 10 years – trying to earn your parents approval, trying to live up to their expectations, trying to convince someone to love you, not to leave you, trying to prove your worth and value to your professors and trying to fit in with your friends at all costs. Renee, you will never find that kind of love in anyone or anything but ME.
I AM the unconditional Love you have been looking for.”
Two words I had never strung together became the answer to my life’s question. I had been desperately looking for the lover of my soul. The desire of my heart. The fulfillment of my every longing. And all that time He had been listening, watching, standing at the door of my heart gently knocking, waiting for me to open my my soul to Him.
That day I found what I was looking for. I found HIM!
If you are here today from my devotion featured at Proverbs 31 Ministries or Crosswalk.com, WELCOME and thanks for stopping by!
No matter where you are, whether or not you have responded to His knock, I’d love to hear your heart and pray for you this weekend. Do you have a story of looking for love, or being “looked for” by Love?
Also, I am doing a give-away this weekend for 2 copies of my CD entitled “Searching for Satisfaction.”
To be part of the drawing, or to share your story, just leave your name and email by clicking on the word “comments” below and type in the white box. Then choose anonymous or your blog account. Please include your email so I can notify you if you win. I’ll announce the winner Monday morning.
Have a great long weekend. And remember today – you are loved!